CHAPTER 45
We were in red. That was Larinda’s choice, not gowns but sharp suits, red, with little pill-box hats with a wisp of a veil just for the convention, and it was Simon’s idea that solved our problems.

My lover had spent the night at Eric’s just for the sake of that other convention, and Stewie had provided us with a matched pair of cars. Matched suits, hats, cars, we were out to show the world that we were doing this as equals, as absolute partners. I had Raafie, Dad, with me for the walk from the side door to Simon’s workplace before the altar, and Larinda had gratified me by asking a certain retired colleague and close friend to do that duty for her. He had seemed confused.

“Why me?”

She had taken his hand, and smiled, her eyes softer than I had ever seen them except when they were on my own.

“Because, John. Because of all sorts of things. Because of Von’s dad, and James, and your honesty, and, well, because. Because I love you dearly, we both do, and because it would be right, yeah? And because. Just because”

The church was fuller than I had anticipated, because it seemed that we had more friends between us than either of us had realised, and the friends had friends or relatives, or lovers, even the bloody vicar. She, Merry, had brought her family over, “Just for a family visit, and certainly not for the purposes of imposing their presence on your day before your Lord, but they do sing well”

That was something that struck a blow deep into my worries about acceptance, reality. They were Annie’s family too, of course, and one evening, when we had sat around our dinner table with Eric and her in some poor attempt to give him something back, she had told us of her fears and doubts when trying to recover what little family she had left.

“What it was, aye, was Sarah’s people. They worked real magic on my lot. I don’t know what I would have done without them, them and Steph”

Eric had snorted at that, and muttered something that sounded very like “Be naked…”, which earned him a slap on his arm. Annie had continued.

“They are good people, aye? Better than I could ever have hoped for, and yes, I would love to see them at your wedding, but that’s just it, it’s YOURS, not ours… I mean, you met a lot of them at Christmas, and…”

And so it was that we had a dozen or more near strangers to add to the list, and the church was equipped with even more Welsh people to mutter about Hays’ singing, and there I was, in a red suit, my Dad at my side, as a choir of family and friends, some of them very, very new, did their best to drown out the sounds of the aircraft heading for their landings.

I looked at the old man, and then over to the corner of the church, where Alec stood, just in time to see him raise one arm, pause, and then bring it down sharply. We would both enter together. Equal. Partners.

In through the side door as Larinda came down the more traditional way, the choice decided by tossing a coin. This way was harder, as I could see all the faces, and my nerves were speaking as loudly as the choir, but then the face I saw was hers, and the shakes were gone. John led her to my side, and stepped back with Dad so they could take their seats, and their places were taken by Rachel and Ian. So many traditions broken, but Annie and Eric had given us the idea, based on their own wedding. I looked over to my brother, and found his smile.

“This’ll be one down, pet, one to go”

Simon smiled. Words were said, and very nice they were, about love, and partnership, and life.

“This is getting to be a very familiar part of my life, joining together people that not only love each other but are loved by all around them, people who show me that all who say the world is lost, the end times are here, is talking from areas of their body that I am sure our Lord did not intend for that purpose”

Laughter.

“That is a great thing about the people I see before me, for I know almost all of you as family in the broad sense, and I know that something a little off-colour does not offend, for you see through the words to the deeper meaning, and smile.

“That is what pleases me today, for we see two people before us that can see in that way, who are seen in that way, and see each other clearly. Two souls who speak clearly, see clearly, and show their mutual love clearly. They have shown that in their earlier act of commitment, and now we are here to bless that union before the Lord who loves all”

He sent his smile around the building.

“Of course, He doesn’t need us to come here in order to see us, but it does rather help the party get started. So…we have the rings?”

We said more words, in sequence, and of course there were tears as we said them, and the tears were equally shared, as in all things, and Simon’s smile was back on us, on both of us.

“May the Lord bless this union from this day forward, bringing peace, and joy, and loving-kindness, and now, of course, as is traditional…”

So we did, and then we had the pictures, and the poses, and my heels sank into the grass, and I lost count of how many people were offering us their own tears.

The hall was packed, and muttering by so many people still added up to a shout when enclosed. Ian stood up, Rachel beside him. A wine glass rang.

“Well, it is not something I really expected to be doing so publicly, but character assassination is rather traditional for a brother. The trouble is, I tried that once, and it didn’t fit, a bit like this suit. There are more comfortable ways to lose weight, but this one seems to be rather effective. And before I continue, I must say thank you to the choir. Amazing what free beer…”

Rachel pulled him down theatrically to whisper in his ear.

“Ah. I stand corrected. Free tea and cake for some, free beer for the rest of us. Well, not me. Somebody has to preserve the family brain cell, like. I mean, the old woman’s pulled some toy boy, me daughter’s got herself one, and, well, my sister has found a jewel indeed. Which means…. My lucky day, seems she had the family brains all along!”

Rachel slapped his arm gently.

“Where to start with today? Some of us here have been along from the start, and it’s been a wild ride at times. Sometimes a nasty one, sometimes delightful, but the ending has never been in doubt to those with the power of vision. That these two were made for each other is obvious to anyone who knows them, even if it did take some small adjustments to get them firing on all cylinders. Speaking of cylinders, containers, bottles, booze… ladies, gentlemen, friends, family, please raise whatever container you have. The happy couple!”

Food, and laughter, and Hays and Mam singing duet in one corner till the new friends joined in, and it was odd how it reminded me of a Hawkwind favourite, of all things, ‘Time We Left’, with the bass thunder and repeated patterns. That brought other memories, of sitting in badly-fitting clothes alone in my room, listening to that track as I read stories of ‘boys’ who had it all so, so easy, and I looked round the hall once more and knew that easy was exactly how my own experience had been. Another place, different neighbours, colleagues, and I would almost certainly have completed the job I had started.

Dancing. I led the traditional slow one, simply because I had done more leading, but we were soon off to more comfortable territory, more relaxed, wilder, and stuff was strutted and shaken to the disco. I realised rather early that I was actually in limbo there; the party was dividing on traditional lines, with most of the women dancing while the men sat and nursed glasses, but I was sitting a rather comfortable fence.

The ages of doubt, of confusion, they were long gone. The niggling voices that had argued in my head, the contents, now rather shrivelled, of my knickers, all were nearly silent. I didn’t have to shake anything at all in public to be female, I just had to wake up each morning and know it as a fact. I was a mature lady, a properly-married woman, and had no need of such silliness.

Bethy, Hays and Chantelle descended on me. I had no choice.

Next wedding, I bring a change of shoes. Please, god, if you’re there, let him be around for it.