Coming Out In Public The custody decree is final and Mom no longer has to worry about interference from McKenzie’s father. Aunt Karen suggests they use the afternoon mall visit as a coming-out experience, and this causes a range of reactions from the small-town community.

Finally, the big question of custody has been resolved. I had been dressing as a girl in secret for almost two years since we took the 'all-girls' trip to Bryce Canyon. This trip was right after Mom received the message that Father wanted a divorce. My support network of Aunt Karen, cousin Kaylie, StacyLyn and her biological father, Jessica, had helped me along on my personal journey toward femininity. Of course the biggest help was Mom getting me to a gender-care clinic where I got my prescriptions for puberty blocking drugs.

Mom thought that was Santa Carla a conservative, closed-minded town, and she had insisted I stay closed while the divorce and custody were pending. She had been terrified that my feminine interests would become public, and was really concerned that community gossip would be used as evidence that she was an inadequate parent, and justify allowing Father to retain some say in my upbringing. Aunt Karen had told me that Mom’s concern about the custody process was due to her insecure and indecisive personality. Aunt Karen, Ms. Byland my teacher and cheer coach, and eventually our family doctor all felt that I should be open about my identity. As it turned out, Judge Coleman already knew a lot about my feminine side, but was very very open minded about gender diversity. The Judge indicated that he suspected from the social worker reports I was transgendered, and told me that whoever I grew up to be I should be open and proud of it. I hadn't needed to be closeted after all. Now I wanted to take advantage of my new freedom.

***********

We headed from the courthouse straight to the Red Desert Mall. On the way I took my cell phone and sent a text message to StacyLyn with the exciting news. Aunt Karen and Kaylie were bubbling with excitement about my future. Mom was just relieved that it was all over and nothing had gone wrong.

"Judge Coleman was amazing. I would never have imagined that a rural, small-town judge would be so knowledgeable about gender issues and so accepting of diversity. He certainly did not fit my expectations."

"Carol, I told you there was nothing to worry about. What we also learned is that McKenzie's personality has not been a secret in this town. Remember that Ms. Byland commented that all the teachers have noticed that McKenzie is more comfortable hanging out with the girls. There is an old saying the 'movement never lies' and McKenzie's posture and body language have been giving a message even when you have insisted on strictly boy clothes in public."

"Yeh, McKenzie always acts just like a girl around my friends. I wonder what they will think about him, or her, now."

"I think we should all agree to use female pronouns for McKenzie from now on. She's not going to be a boy any longer," said Aunt Karen as we pulled into the mall parking lot.

We headed to the food court and I deliberately picked a 'weight watcher' special of salad with chicken and a diet drink. The blockers were keeping me from growing much, and sure did not want to become chubby. Kaylie had found an empty table in a quiet corner where we could talk. In a few minutes we had all made our purchases and sat down.

Aunt Karen opened the conversation. "Well McKenzie, are you ready to join us girls full time? And Carol, are you ready let McKenzie become completely a girl in public?"

I couldn't believe she said something like this in a mall food court. I glanced around to be sure no one was listening before answering with an enthusiastic 'yes.'

Aunt Karen noticed how I checked the area before answering. "McKenzie, if you are going to become a girl you have to be willing to say so openly and honestly in front of anyone. Remember the advice Judge Coleman gave you this morning. Be yourself and be proud of it."

"McKenzie, dear, I know we have talked about this many times. I would be delighted to have you become my daughter, but are you totally sure that is what you want?"

"Yes, I'm sure." We all held hands around the table in a gesture of support.

"Given what Judge Coleman said, I think we need to figure out how to announce to the community that McKenzie is now a girl. We need to get the news out ourselves before any rumors get started. Being open about this is the best way to deflect criticism from bigots and my ex's friends."

"Agreed, it's time McKenzie comes out of the closet, and we need to be dramatic about it. Let's use this afternoon to start the process. Openly taking her to a beauty salon then going shopping for girls’ clothes is a way to make a real statement. You may have arrived here as a boy but I want to see my pretty niece leave the mall. Are you ready?" Seeing me nod agreement she continued. "This is going to be a marvelous experience for you - a public makeover, my treat. Where would you like to start, hair, nails, or lingerie?"

Finally I had to say something. "I expected this would be my last trip to the mall as a boy."

"Why wait, let's start shopping for my girl cousin. I think McKenzie should get her ears pierced. That way we can share earrings, not just clothes."

"That’s a nice suggestion, Kaylie. McKenzie, what do you think about starting with a symbolic 'permanent change?' The jewelry store over there does piercing."

"But I'm dressed as a boy." As soon as I said this I realized my mistake. I was out of the closet now.

"So what? Some boys wear earrings too. Besides, you will not look like a boy by the time you leave this mall today."

"It will be fun," Aunt Karen added.

I looked around with both appreciation and apprehension. Finally Mom was going to let me come out of the closet, but she was letting Aunt Karen make a public spectacle of it. We took our lunch remains over to the food court trashcan, and headed to my first public transitioning adventure.

We had barely started to admire the earring displays when the store manager came over. I immediately recognized her as Heather, who had grown up in our neighborhood. She had just finished college and moved back to Santa Carla.

"Hello, Heather, its so nice to see you are back in town," said Aunt Karen.

"It's great to be back here away from the big city congestion. What can I do for you today?"

Mom spoke first. "We decided to get McKenzie's ears pierced. Both sides low on the earlobe just like Kaylie's."

Heather gave me a look-over. "I certainly know how to do that. Let's get him a nice starter set."

In a whirl I was seated in the chair. Mom, Aunt Karen and Kaylie gathered around as Heather made a pen mark on each ear and stepped back to check that they were even. Suddenly I felt a sharp stab first on one side, then the other. Heather handed me a mirror so I could see the results.

"If you don't mind my saying so, those earrings really make McKenzie look very feminine."

"He wants his Mom to make him into a girl. Neat, huh?"

"Kaylie, remember we agreed to use female pronouns for McKenzie from now on," corrected Aunt Karen.

"Well," said Heather, "SHE certainly looks pretty with HER new earrings!"

"Well that wasn't so bad," said Mom as we headed back into the mall corridor. "Heather was totally accepting and supportive."

I checked my text messages. Sure enough, there was already a congratulations from StacyLyn and even a message from her 'Aunt Jessica.'

"How about a trip to the salon next?"

I didn't argue as we headed into the beauty salon where Kaylie and I had been getting our hair cut for some time.

"Pretty earrings," the receptionist greeted me. "What can we do for you today McKenzie? Your Aunt called a few minutes ago and told us to reserve some time for you."

Just then, Nancy, my usual stylist came up to the counter. "We decided it's time for McKenzie to get a totally feminine hair cut," said Aunt Karen. "Do you think you can come up with something?"

"Of course! I have been expecting this for months. Once McKenzie expressed regret about having so little hair, so I have been letting it get a bit longer with each cut. I have the perfect style in mind."

"McKenzie, was this another of your ways to 'sneak out of the closet' without my noticing?" asked Mom jokingly. "Will you also have time to do McKenzie's nails? We are trying to give her a makeover today."

"Leave it to me. So, what's going on with McKenzie?"

"Aunt Carol has custody and wants to make my cousin into a girl!"

"Neat. I bet its really McKenzie's idea and not entirely his, oops her, mom's. Well, let's get started. Carol Clark, you will be delighted with your daughter's hairstyle. Anything else for now?"

"Uhh ..., one other thing. We have been trying to figure out how to get the news out into the community and ..."

"And you want me to tell all my customers the McKenzie is becoming a girl? That will be the juiciest piece of gossip I have had to tell in ages. Of course I will be delighted to let the 'secret' out."

Nancy chatted as she worked. It seemed like she was totally supportive of my being a girl and even wondered why I had waited so long.

"McKenzie, you have always been more girl than boy. It's so exciting to see you become who you were really meant to be.

I left the salon with a bouncy hairstyle with bangs and a shape that framed my face. Nancy had also added an age-appropriate touch of makeup, bright red nails, and she assured me that the news about would soon be all over town. Looking at my face anyone would now see a girl, but I still had my boy shirt, pants, and shoes on. As we turned the corner we saw Mrs. Russica, the nosy neighbor who had confronted Mom in the supermarket. She stood back and looked me over from head to toe.

"Disgusting!" She turned had headed down the corridor. This gave me a bad feeling. I expected her to do more that just express verbal displeasure, but I wasn't sure what she intended.

"Don't let her upset you, dear. You are going to have to get used to the fact that some people will always be upset about your gender presentation. Jessica warned you about that."

"You know, my niece would look much better without that 'disgusting' shirt and pants. Let's get her something pretty."

Aunt Karen steered us into the large department store anchoring one end of the mall and headed for the teen girl section. Kaylie grabbed my hand and started pulling me thorough the racks of clothes.

"Finally you can try on whatever you want. Let's like shop until we drop."

We picked up a few items and headed for the dressing room together only to be confronted by a stern-looking sales assistant.

"And where do you think you are going, Mr. McKenzie Clark?"

Once again I was confronting someone who knew us. Small towns are like that.

Aunt Karen came to the rescue. "May we speak to the manager?"

After a few minutes of negotiation the manager acknowledged that according to the chain headquarters policy I was entitled to use the dressing room to try on a blouse and slacks. It seemed his agreement was somewhat reluctant, but at least I got to check that everything fit. Another crisis was past, at least for the moment.

"Let's go somewhere where we are more welcome," said Aunt Karen. "I checked the websites for a lot of the chain stores regarding diversity policies before we came here today. Sometimes local management is not as open-minded as the national office. Linda's Lingerie is a local store, and the owner is a friend. Let's go there next."

Suddenly I found myself heading into a women's intimates store. I had 'shadow shopped' with Kaylie in such places, but most of my girl underwear was items Mom had bought for me. Today I would be publicly shopping for myself.

Kaylie elbowed me as we entered. "You remember who Linda is? She was our third grade teacher before she left teaching to start this business. I wonder what she will think of you now?"

"Hello, Karen, Carol. It's so nice that you came in. What can I do for you ladies today?"

I braced myself for what I knew would come next.

"We need to get some bras for McKenzie. We are in the middle of a big transition."

"No problem, happy to accommodate all customers." Linda led us toward on the racks toward the back of the store. "You know this is not totally unexpected. I have watched McKenzie growing up and have always felt he should have been a girl. Remember, McKenzie how I kept trying to get you to play with the boys at recess without success?"

I guess hearing such comments from people who knew the boy McKenzie was something I would need to learn to deal with. "Well, now I have asked my Mom to let me become a girl."

With that she indicated I should raise my arms as she wrapped a tape measure under my armpits the around the fullest part of my chest. I am sure she noticed the puffiness that the testosterone inhibitors combined with the over-the-counter herbal treatments had helped me develop.

"It's so you, McKenzie." She sorted through the merchandise. "I think this padded bra will be perfect for you right now. Let's take you back to the fitting room. If the size is right I recommend you get several in different colors, and get the matching panties too."

As we checked out Linda paid me a wonderful compliment. "McKenzie, you were always meant to be a girl and now you have found the courage to become one. I wish you well." With a wink she added, "Come back to my shop as soon as soon as you need something with less padding."

"McKenzie can't wait to get real breasts! Right cousin?"

I spotted a couple of boys I knew from school heading towards us we left Linda's shop. Kaylie saw them too and she closed ranks with me walking between her and Mom.'

The boys stared at me as we passed and I heard one of them mutter, "I think I'd kill myself before I let someone do that to me."

"Ignore them," Aunt Karen said loudly.

As Aunt Karen predicted, I did not look at all like a boy by the time we left the mall. The clerk in the shoe store had been someone we did not know, and I am sure he wondered why a girl had come into the store wearing boys' shoes.

Mom was her usual inward-focused self on the drive home, but she said one thing really significant. "Tomorrow you can pack up your unneeded boy clothes and we will take them to the donation center."

"Yes Mom." It was so wonderful for her to be finally willing to let me do make a full-time change.

Our neighbors from across the street were working in their front yard as we pulled into our driveway. I am sure it was a deliberate choice that Mom stopped the car in front of the garage and did not open the overhead door and pull in as usual. Of course, this meant I had to get out in full view.

"Good evening Carol. And is that you, McKenzie?"

"You need to learn how to introduce your new self. Let's go over and talk to Mike and Glenda," said Mom.

The Pallaks, our neighbors, were totally cool about my altered appearance, and I got compliments on my hair and earrings.

"You know, we have noticed McKenzie hiding in the car when riding between here and you sister's place and wondered what the big secret was. We always felt McKenzie was more of a girl than boy anyway. It's nice to see the girl personality out in public today. Is this going to be permanent?"

"I hope so," I replied sincerely.

"Wonderful, it's great having another girl in the neighborhood that we can hire to do babysitting."

"She will needs some training, but I am sure she will learn fast," said Mom. "See you again soon."

I collapsed once we were inside the house. It had been an intense day.

***************
The next morning took a marker pen and drew a heavy line across the page in my diary. Above I printed 'Boy' and below in my neatest cursive script I wrote 'Girl.' It seemed fitting to mark the transition.

Next I started to take inventory of the previous day. Judge Coleman, Heather, my hair stylist, Linda at the lingerie shop, and the neighbors across the street has all been supportive and acted like they thought I should have been a girl all along. On the other hand the department store clerk had objected to my going into the women's' changing room and her manager had reluctantly followed corporate policy. Mrs. Russica was the only person who was openly hostile, but she could be my biggest problem because she was well known as a community activist for conservative causes.

I phoned StacyLyn and gave her a complete run down on the previous day - the court session, the conversation with Judge Coleman, the shopping trip, and the reaction of people who knew me. As usual she was totally supportive and friendly. All through our conversation I kept wondering if she really meant it when she said she liked 'girly boys' and what would change in our relationship as I became a full-time girl who had been born a boy. After all, her mother was not able to deal with her biological father's transition to Jessica. They remained friends with children in common, but were no longer a couple. Finally I asked her out right.

"Will you still be my friend if I become a girl full-time?"

"McKenzie, I think you will become an absolutely fascinating girl and do I want to stay your friend. OK?"

We talked for a long while about the upcoming school year and made plans for another fall break trip to Bryce Canyon so our families could again enjoy the outdoors together. We joked about how quickly she had read me that first day, and we fondly remembered the wonderful experiences we had hiking the Fairyland Trail.

Mom was in the kitchen when I got off the phone. She was again looking a bit stressed.

"What's wrong, Mom?"

“I was surfing the internet and decided to look at Mrs. Russica’s blog. After you got hurt she wrote a tirade complaining that her son and his friends were being subjected to a disciplinary investigation because a frail, uncoordinated sissy fell and hit his head. If she believes what she wrote she is delusional about what her son Gary did, and if she read at the school report she is a liar.

"I am looking forward to helping you become a girl, but I am still worried about the community reaction. Mrs Russica is the type who enjoys making trouble in a small town."

To be continued.