CHAPTER 34
I returned with the three parcels, and caught my wife’s eye as I approached. When I reached them, Hays was partway through a declaration of how old she was and what age Santa was meant for. Ian had been absolutely spot on: she had found a route to grow, to become a person, rather than something left out of sight in a bedroom so as not to irritate her mother.

“Early prezzies, but you’ll understand”

Larinda took my hand as the wrapping paper was torn apart, and Bethy was grinning. “Family fleeces, yay! Kewl!”

Hayley was grinning in turn. “I got the same as Daddy and Bethy! Thank you aunties!”

I held my tears. “Those are to keep you warm. Going to be cold tonight, like”

One by one, I was kissed by all three, and then they gave the same to Larinda after she coughed and pointed to her own cheek.

“This family believes in sharing, so I wants my share of the hugs”

Ian had to go to the gents’ for some reason just then, so four of us made the rounds arm in arm, and I was stunned at how few people I actually knew. I saw my blonde again, with a man and a child, as Larinda harrumphed, and there were giant men in leather and others almost as big rumbling away in Welsh, and just then Larinda’s radar clicked on full strength.

“That girl there, the pink one, Shan, she had TEA…yep, in here girls. You like tea, Hays?”

“Do they do chocolate? Hot chocolate?”

“Don’t know yet, darling. I’ll ask”

We entered the church hall, where a slim woman who just had to be related to Annie was pouring and serving next to two much older woman in matching cable-knit cardigans. Hayley surprised me with her confidence.

“Do you have hot chocolate, Miss?”

Miriam, that was her name. The vicar’s fiancée, Annie’s cousin. So many people to keep track of. She smiled at my niece.

“I think we might just have some stored away especially for the politest of customers. What is your name, cariad?”

“Hayley Carter!”

Not just confident, but smiling too. Miriam flashed a sparkling grin of her own.

“Enid, one hot chocolate if you may! Alice, three teas, unless…?”

Bethy squeezed my arm. “Could I have chocolate too?, Aunty Jill?”

Miriam bowed slightly. “Of course. And you must be the Jill I have been told of, and…Linda?”

“Larinda. Pleased etc. Got your bloke booked for April for a blessing”

“Do you sing or play?”

That was a non-sequiteur. I used my best English, simultaneously with my wife.

“Pardon?”

“You what?”

One of the two little old ladies, who were clearly a double act, laughed out loud.

“Merry has her obsessions, my love, just not as bad as her cousin. There will be singing tonight, and playing tomorrow, and she needs to know which side of the stage you will be. Got an excellent choir for tonight already, what with her and Sar’s men”

Merry? It fitted. Merry was nodding vigorously. “We have a fine bottom line, but there are not enough of the distaff side to rise as gloriously in praising our Saviour as might be desired. Do you sing?”

Yes, tenor, and a bad one. Not me. Larinda just shook her head, while Bethy blushed. “Never tried. Not, like, kewl these days, proper singing…”

“I like musicals”

Hayley was completely matter-of-fact in her utterance. Locked away in her bedroom all those years, watching videos, watching the big musical shows she loved. Merry smiled again.

“And do you sing along?”

“Yes, Miss. I know all the songs”

“Might we hear one, cariad?”

“Mum says I mustn’t make stupid noise”

Bitch. Merry held her smile just a little longer than usual, clearly picking her next words.

“My little darling, this is a place where there is always singing, and singing here is never stupid.. Could you let us have a song, do you think?”

Hays turned to me. “Is it OK to sing a song, Aunty Jill?”

“Yes, pet. Absolutely”

She paused, thinking.

“Oh what a beautiful morning…”

A high soprano, almost that of a choir boy, to my untutored ears clear and true, and there was animation in her face as she sang, even though her eyes were closed. I was astonished, and her sister just stood, mouth open at her performance. It came to an end, and Bethy hugged her.

“That was, like, beautiful, Hays! Didn’t know you could sing!”

Once again Merry’s smile, and then a sweet moment of tact.

“We will have lots of songs, with the words written down for them, so can you sing with your eyes open, my little friend?”

Translation: can you read?

Hays just nodded. “Can I see the words first?”

Merry nodded. “We have a special place for the singers. Special seats. If it is all right with your aunties I will show you now. Ladies, it would seem a little preparation would be in order. Would that be acceptable to my new chorister’s family?”

“Absolutely. Want to see where you will sing, Hays?”

“Can I take my chocolate with me? Will Daddy be able to see me singing?”

Larinda smiled. “We will make sure of it, love”

One of the cardigan sisters handed her a mug of the brown stuff, and then Bethy and ourselves received our own, and Hayley was off, hand in hand with Miriam. Bethy’s eyes were shining.

“Dad’s gonna be, like so…so proud, yeah?”

Larinda squeezed her. “And you ain’t?”

Bethy just grinned. “Yeah. Oh…tea for Dad, yeah?”

We found him in conversation with John Forster and Stewie, naturally.

“Where’s Hays?”

I sighed, nonchalantly. “Taking stage direction with the vicar’s floozy”

“You what?”

“Get a seat up front tonight, bro. She’s in the choir”

Bethy was nodding frantically. “She can sing, Dad! Nice lady got her to like do a number, and she just does it, and she’s SO good, and I didn’t know, and….YEAH!!!”

Stewie snorted. “You do realise she’ll be returned eating leeks and wanting to watch rugby?”

Larinda gave my hand a squeeze as a hint.

“Ian…”

I held out a hand for his own, and he took it.

“Ian, I really think she is safe there, and this is a chance to let her do something, make something. She’s not stupid, like”

He grimaced. “But that’s the point, isn’t it? That’s what people like her…”

Bethy spoke up. “No, Dad, my big sis isn’t stupid. She has, like, limits, road blocks on her, but not stupid. And she knows how to love, so we just love her back. Her night tonight”

Ian seemed to be having bladder problems, as once more he had to scurry off to the gents’. When Hays was delivered back to us half an hour later, though, he let her fleece take the tears.

It got confusing after that. There were so many people that I didn’t know but who all seemed to have at least a nodding acquaintance with each other, at least until the locals started to arrive for the carol service. There were children of all ages, from babies to teens, couples of all sorts from his’n’hers tweed to Ginny and Kate, bikers, cyclists… the buzz was incredible. I ended up losing track of whom I had already greeted. Had I said hello to Kirsty yet? Rib-cracking hug–yes. And of course Eric.

“Thank you. Really thank you. This is Ian’s family; we’ll have the girls with us when, you know…”

He smiled, and it was a sad one. “You do know this will be far from pleasant? He will really hurt, need his people for strength?”

Bethy nodded. “’S my Dad. That’s all”

Eric squeezed her shoulder. “Just be ready to be strong when he isn’t, love”

There was more, from Kate as well, but that was the gist of it. Save your strength for his dark moments.

Bethy broke that mood, with a squeal. “James!”

I gave him a quick assessment: hands up, out of focus in the eyes, Darren and his pink girl patrolling along with Terry, but suddenly the sun of his smile rose in his face as he saw my niece.

“You are Bethy!”

“You are James and you are my friend!”

Darren was grinning as well now. “James has his drum for tomorrow. We gonna make BOSS music!”

Bethy stepped forward to hug James in greeting, and there was an odd fumble as his personal space was invaded, and he stiffened, but then relaxed and hugged her back. Bethy kissed his cheek, which clearly confused him, and then had the sense to step back.

“Got my big sis with us, and she’s gonna like sing in the choir!”

James nodded. “Your sister is a singer and I am a musician”

That was Terry’s turn to need the gents’.

So many people… we ate the shepherd’s pie that was offered, we had a couple of beers in the pub, the service started, and…there was a whole evening of conversation, sermons, a bible reading or two, more beer afterwards, some very quiet lovemaking with my wife in our nest of duvets, French people, Welsh, Rachel appearing fashionably but ecstatically late with her man, whose train had been delayed, but it all settled around one moment.

The heavy artillery of all those big men had started a song I always think of as ‘Bread of Heaven’, and as it came to the bit I remembered, there was one tenor alone, with a number of soprano voices, that soared beautifully into “Feed me till I want no more!”, and one of those voices was Hayley’s, and it was pure, and clear and lovely.

Ian was in the middle of a pew. He had to offer his tears in public that time.