CHAPTER 33
In the end, it was Eric who came through with a result. Kate knew the right administrators to approach, but it was a man I hardly knew who moved and shook the right people to find Ian his bed.

Annie rode over to see us with the news that weekend, and I had to ask how her husband had managed it.

“Think about it, aye? He runs the path lab. Every surgeon, every oncologist, they all have to come through him, so he gets to know them, aye?”

“Oncologist?”

“Cancer doc. People who will be treating your brother if all goes to plan”

“Annie…look, I, we hardly know Eric, not really. Certainly Ian doesn’t. Why are you all doing so much for a stranger?”

She took a sip of her tea, frowning slightly.

“It’s sort of got to be a tradition with us. I mean, by ‘us’, not just the girls who are sort of on the same journey, aye, but wider, broader. We had… we had that death, that murder…”

Her voice tailed off and her eyes looked through me for a moment, and then she forced a smile.

“Others, all sorts of people who have come out the other side. I see a lot of the worse side of things in this job, aye, same with Steph and Kate, and it is just nice to be able to chuck something onto the other side of the scales”

“Then please give Eric our best. He’s a lovely man to do this”

Her face lit up. “Oh, trust me, I know exactly how lovely he is! I married him, aye?”

A fair point. “So what exactly do we have at Christmas?”

“Got any more biccies? Ta. Right, it’s been going a few years now. Two nights, first one a carol service, with some music and stuff, hot supper and beer, aye? Then the WI do a bash for some group or other. Kids in hospital, OAPs, that sort of thing, with a full Christmas dinner, and then we have the rest of the evening to become disreputable”

Larinda laughed. “Don’t need no whole day to do that! Just, we ain’t exactly equipped for camping, not in Winter, anyway”

“Ah, don’t worry about that. Bill and Jan have a tent you won’t believe. Just get a couple of sleeping mats and bring a great pile of duvets and pillows, aye? You’ll be fine”

Off and away, and Larinda sitting grinning at me.

“Glad you chose living now, lover?”

Stupid question. We hit the camping shop the next day, and I saw exactly how easy it would have been to bankrupt ourselves with Things One Must Have. We stuck with a couple of self-inflating mats rather than an air bed as Larinda pointed out the problem of heat loss through convection, and once more I realised exactly how much reading she had done in her own wilderness years. That was naturally followed by a flood of warmth and love, and so I kissed her, which brought the usual mutters from people around us.

“What’s that for, lover?”

“Because I can, wife”

She grinned wickedly. “Then hold that thought for later! Look…”

She was holding a pink fleece hat. “Not sleeping in your wig, lover, so this will keep the top end warm. Now… I know Bethy’s size, but not her sister’s, so what do you think?”

“For a hat?”

“No, silly, I was going to get these as Christmas presents”

Fleece jackets. I raised an eyebrow.

“Jill, my nieces now too. It’s how marriage works, yeah? Your family, my family. Just thought we could get three similar ones for father and daughters. Just not in pink for him, course”

There were even more mutters that time. As we broke, she just said “Later, lover, most definitely”

I pulled out my mobile. “Ian, it’s Jill. We were wondering, how big is Hays now?”

“About 5’2”, I think”

Men. “No, pet, dress size, jacket size to be precise”

“I always get her a girls’ medium”

“Colours?”

“Blue or red, I think. She likes red, says it’s a laughing colour”

That brought a little flicker of sadness to me, as it was so much like something James could have said, but James was a soul in a cell and Hayley simply came underprepared for the world.

‘Laughing colour’. She was still there, still a girl with a life and love to give.

“We’re just finishing the camping shopping list. You all set up?”

He actually laughed. “I must be daft, girl, but I chased up my old QM and he’s shouted us a load of kit. Hayley’s really excited, says she never had a family holiday before. Er… she’s here with me”

Another voice, one I hadn’t heard for years. “Uncle Rob! Where are you?”

“In a shop, and, well, I’m now called another name”

“Why?”

“Because my old name was a mistake”

“What’s your new name?”

“Jill”

“That’s a girl name. You’re a boy”

I remembered James, his words about Jill in her Robskin. How the hell could I explain this to her? Larinda took the phone from me and hit the speaker button as we found a quiet corner.

“Hiya, is this Hays?”

“Yes. Who are you?”

“I am your new aunty, Larinda. We got married”

“You married my Uncle Rob?”

“Sort of. She’s Aunty Jill now. Bethy’s met her”

“Where’s Uncle Rob then?”

“He was really Aunty Jill. She had to hide”

“Oh. Why didn’t she hide all of her?”

What the hell? “Hays, it’s Aunty Jill again. What do you mean?”

“You didn’t hide your feet, You have to hide everything, or people see you. I saw your feet once. They were purple”

A memory surfaced, back when I was still visiting Ian and Ellen, back while Dad was still with us. I had been at a low ebb, and as so often in my life I had found little bits of affirmation, of expressing femininity, and painted toenails had been the tactic. Getting up in the night to use the toilet, sitting to pee, a sleepy little girl appearing at the bathroom door.

Larinda laughed. “Hide and seek, Hays. It was me that found Aunty Jill. I love her a lot”

“Will I love her?”

“Did you love Uncle Rob?”

“Yes! Lots!”

“Then you will love her too. Can we speak to Daddy now?”

Ian came back on, and we swapped more details of the plans and preparations, and once more there was a little catch in his voice.

“Larinda, pet, well, welcome to the family. I mean, REALLY welcome, like”

Click. Ian and emotion.

It had rained the week before, but a few days of sun had dried the turf enough to avoid mud. Frost was promised, and so I packed my new pink hat after we had finished wrapping three presents, and we loaded up the wife’s car for the run down to Horley, the sun low in the sky. Winter solstice, when the darkness starts to pack ready for the return of light and life. Please let that be an omen for Ian. Please.

I was shocked at the sheer number of people there, The car park of the neighbouring pub was filled with cars and motorcycles, as well as a couple of camper vans. Several of the cars had what looked like French plates on, and as we entered the recreation ground with our first bundles I saw that tents were sprouting everywhere. Steph shouted out to us from what looked like an aircraft hangar in nylon and aluminium.

“Jill, this is the Edifice, Bill and Jan’s little home from home. Separate bedrooms, aircon, satellite TV, maid service… I’ll leave you to settle in, I have a shedload to sort”

Bill and Jan were as welcoming as I should have expected, and we were efficiently installed in our own bed…room? Inner tent? Whatever, we had a great nest of down and warmth for the night, and I was blessing Larinda’s insistence that I wore trousers.

“It’s what women do, lover!”

“Aye, but I am not really like that yet, am I?”

“Long top, cover the bulge. I know what you are, and so does everyone else, and that’s just another girl, so do as your telt”

That got us both laughing. “Well, I was listening to your mother, wasn’t I? And it worked!”

Kit stowed, a gentle stroll around the site greeting friends old and new, and…wow. There was a slap to my arse.

“Eyes off the blonde, you’re a married woman now, and I didn’t allow leching before you were wed!”

I grinned at her. “Looking only, pet, but you have to admit she was a bit special”

“And I’m not?”

“No, you’re not. You’re a lot special”

“You silver-tongued charmer. You just want to get into my knickers!”

“Wrong size, pet”

“Oh shut up and kiss me, woman”

Laughter in her eyes, a smile that never left them as long as I was looking into them. I had found my haven, my shelter, and it wasn’t the one filled with duvets.

“How, you two!”

Larinda looked over my shoulder. “Ian! Bethy! And…you must be Hays. Pleased to meet you”

I turned, and Hayley was there, taller than I remembered but smiling as sweetly.

“Are you my new aunty?”

I smiled. “Yes, I’m Aunty Jill now”

She made a tutting noise and shook her head, and in a remarkably mature way just said “Don’t be a silly, you’re my old aunty. Is this lady my new aunty?”

My wife laughed. “Definitely one of your family, Jill!”

She gave Hays a hug and a peck. “Aunty Larinda is who I am, but you’re a grown-up now, aren’t you?”

“Yes”

“So here is an offer from me. Grown-ups can use each other’s names, so if you want you can just call me Larinda”

Hayley thought for a moment. “Can I just call you Aunty?”

“Of course, darling. Now, where are you sleeping?”

“Daddy bought a big tent, as big as a circus”

“You got lions and tigers and clowns?”

A child’s laughter. Is there a sweeter sound?

“Jill, want to grab the…?”

I wandered off to the tent for the presents, and as I walked I remembered my earlier words.

A lot special.