CHAPTER 21
Ian looked hard at me, and I realised I was getting a second appraisal. That was unusual for him, as his normal approach was to make his mind up and stick to it, because an alpha male could never be wrong, ever. I took the plunge.

“How’s Hayley doing?”

Again that little flicker as he changed gears. “Really well. The new home seems to suit her; friends like her, aye? People on her own level…Ell could never cope with that. You know what I mean, bro…”

He paused, the clockwork still obvious in his eyes, and looked at Larinda.

“How do you cope? I mean, I watch you, and Kirsty here, and her hubby, but you all act as if there’s nothing wrong”

Larinda sighed. “It’s been very hard at times, but there’s one thing you should get straight, Ian. There ain’t nothing wrong now, but there was a shitload wrong before, yeah? She makes more sense like this”

Kirsty was nodding. “Yeah, ‘slike my Sarge as was. I mean not ‘my Sarge’, that’s Den, but Annie, yeah? She was going down the shitter till we got her sorted out. I mean, it was mostly her scary friend, and her bloke, but yeah, we all did what we could. You’ll have to talk to her, get another look at it. Ah fuck”

Her eyes were off to her right. “Looks like your missus has just met Annie herself”

Ellen came storming back, Bethany towed along by her left arm.

“How many fucking pervert benders are there here?”

Bethany was blushing and giggling at the same time, and her “Mum!” was overtaken by Kirsty’s smiling “Oh, three, I think. Hi, Den, give it a good shake?”

Ellen’s mouth was opening and shutting like a carp’s. It took her a while to get the words out, but they came.

“Ian Carter, I am not staying here in a place full of lezzers, bumboys and trannies!”

Ian’s calm was glacial, and the tone of his voice matched it in temperature.

“Not a word for my mother, then? You’ve damned everyone else in my family”

“I want to leave, now!”

“Then, dearest wife, fuck off. Call a taxi. We need the car”

“Who the hell is ‘we’?”

He looked at his daughter, who gave a quick nod. He turned to me. “Can you give A2B a quick shout, Jill, if they still run? One passenger to the Birtley Premier Inn, aye? You can wait outside, dearest. Need cash for it? No? Bye”

He then turned away as if she wasn’t there, and after a few seconds she slumped and walked out. Bethany looked at her father.

“Dad…?”

“No. Not this time. At her age she should have some manners. Now, we were talking about your sister. I should explain, aye?”

His, their, first-born. I had visited often in the early days before his attitude and his violence pushed me away, but each visit had been the same. I found Ellen in her nightclothes, often still in bed, watching TV. The child would be in her own bedroom, a video playing, and not even a cup of tea would appear for me unless I made it myself. Ten minutes before Ian was due home, and suddenly little wifey would be dressed, vacuum cleaner howling away. In all that time, not a word would be said to the poor girl watching musicals in her room, clearly because her nature was not something her mother could connect with.

“Kirsty, Den, Larinda…our first bairn came with Down’s, aye? Not horribly so, she’s not as bad as some I’ve seen, but my beloved darling could never cope, and her sister didn’t help much. No, shut it, Bethany. You were always too young, too silly, aye? Anyway, she’s in a home for people with similar…conditions, and, shite, Jill, she talks now, aye? Actually has conversations”

Bethany went to her father and hugged him. “Dad, she’s got people to talk to now, yeah? Mum was…”

She faltered, and looked at me. “Aunty Jill, you never really liked Mum, did you?”

I sighed. “Social skills, courtesy, pet. You have to stretch things a bit”

“Well, you were right, and I hate her”

Larinda was forceful. “No you don’t. You just see her faults now. Never say you hate your own mother, not and mean it, yeah?”

Kirsty nodded. “Yeah. She’s right. Ian, you should talk to Annie, yeah? And, well, Ginny be good too. Give you an idea. Sorry for your girl”

Ian shook his head. “No, Beth’s right. She’s in her own place now, we see her when she wants. Well looked after, for once. Jill knows what I mean”

Kirsty led us over to her friend, who was in a very smart suit with some rather nice shoes that I…no, stick to the plot, girl. Kirsty made the introductions.

“This is Jill’s other brother Ian, love. Believe you just met the wife. Annie, stop laughing, and I saw you watching my Den’s arse when he went for a leak. Ian, Annie Johnson, QAG, and her hubby Eric. The tall red bit is Ginny, oh, and just to set the scene properly, the other girl we were talking about is the ginge over there that was playing earlier. I’m off to get a glass before your mother drinks it all. Sod it, no. Den, you know what I likes. Fetch”

“Yes’m”

Annie turned to Bethany. “You OK? Your mam, ouch”

Bethany just nodded. Ian frowned. “Sorry about that, but she is a selfish, lazy cow who has a small mind but loves to share it”

Bethany giggled again. "So why’d you get married, Dad?”

“Cause Hayley was on the way. And if I hadn’t stayed with her, I wouldn’t have had her, nor you, aye?”

“Oh, Dad!”

“So take a telling. Annie, I saw you in the paper twice, aye? First time were those kiddy fiddlers, that right?”

She sighed. “I have been in a few times, before that. I was in Traffic, aye?”

“Ah”

That was it, just ‘ah’. He turned to me. “And you know where I was, Jill”

Bosnia and Iraq and all sorts of other shitholes. Yes, I knew. I was also noticing how he was using my name more easily, and he turned back to Annie, eyes softer than I had ever seen.

“Alcohol or nightmares, pet?”

Another, deeper sigh. “Both, for a while”

Eric slipped an arm round his wife’s waist. “Kicks, she does, but they seem to be going away. Some smells, though, they bring it on”

Once again that soft tone from my brother. “Burning…vehicles, pet?”

“How did you know?”

“I was in the RTR. Trust me, I just know”

And with that he stepped forward and embraced her, a kiss to her cheek, and then looked around.

“I’ve been a cunt, haven’t I? Sorry, but…Jill, outside, please?”

He actually took my hand, leading me to the car park. “I need to say a few things, like. Sorry about Ellen, for a start”

“She is what she is, Ian”

“Aye, but she’s mother to my bairns, aye? No, it’s you. Look…I could never see you, like, you were always there, older, Dad’s, Mam’s favourite, aye?”

“I always thought that was Neil! The baby, aye?”

“Well, we see what we see, and sometimes not aright. I’ve not spoken to you much…well, not at all about what we saw in those places…”

He drifted away for an instant. “That Annie, she’s been there, aye? I can tell”

“A couple of others too, Pet, John Forster, for one, and Stewie”

“Stewie?”

I noticed he hadn’t twitched at what I had called him. “Stewie. Good friend of Annie’s, saved me from a nasty kicking a while back. Marine. Falklands, Bosnia, at least”

“Poor fucker”

“Aye. But look at what we have here, like, look how they’re smiling, look at Mam. For fuck’s sake, look at us. When did we last talk at all, never mind like this?”

“What, with you in a dress, like?”

“No, you daft bugger–“

And with that he was holding me, and it was right, and I felt years of anger and mistrust blowing away. He wasn’t crying, but I was, and I blamed the hormones and the fact that I was a bloody woman, and that he finally seemed to be seeing that. Eventually, he let me breathe.

“What will you do about Ell, pet?”

“Join her later, sleep, and go home as normal. She’s my wife. She has her good points”

I raised an eyebrow, and he grinned. “Aye, well. Now, we have a mother to get back to. Howay”

He actually took my hand to lead me back in, and went straight to Mam, who saw, and smiled so wistfully I thought she would burst. Ian whispered to Raafie, who nodded and went to get the music stopped. Ian stood back up.

“How, can yez all fill your glasses, for I have a toast!”

There was a scurrying and clinking, and he looked round, smiling.

“Now, I’m a bit late to this party, like, and I’ve been a little bit off with it, for a few reasons, but hey, there’s always a first in everyone’s life, so here’s mine. Ah wes wrang! Got that? Won’t happen again. So, if glasses can be raised, I give you my Mam, who I love beyond words, and the aad bugger who has put the smile back on her face, and…and the sister I should have known I had years ago, but that I see beside me now. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Miss Carter, Mrs Elliott, and Mr Elliott!”