Is this reality, a patient's delusion or a page from The World Wacky News?
Note: ignore the timeline error.

"Dr. Anderson, I am finally glad to meet you, sir. My name is Carla Grucci. I'm the new medical student assigned to
this hospital. All the other students say that you're great with them and you let us get special hands on experience. The other students also say that you have a very interesting case here in the psych ward, a Miss Barbara Frank."

"Yes she is very interesting," he told Carla as he walked down the hall. "If it were a simple case of gender
dysphoria she would have been referred to one of the clinics that handle that problem years ago. She has
paranoid delusions that are affecting her ability to function normally. She does get violent sometimes, and
tries to attack the other patients or staff. Right now we have her restrained and in a safe room where she couldn't
do any damage to anyone including herself."

"Will I be able to see her?" asked Carla. "Would she be willing to talk to me?"

"We could try. She wants to speak to new people to get her 'message,' as she calls it, out. Ah, here we are."

The doctor took out his keys and opened the door to that rubber room.

"Barbara," he said. "I have someone to talk to you. Would that be nice?"

"Is he from the FBI?" asked Barbara.

"Nor is she from the CIA," replied Dr. Anderson, "KGB, or Secret Service. She's a student here at the university."

"Are you sure?" asked Barbara.

"I heard about you from the other students," replied Carla. "I just want to hear your story. It seems incredible. To make sure, I need to hear the original from you."

OK," said Barbara. "I'll talk to you if you'll promise to check out what I say about those that I mention."

"Some I can't," Carla replied. "From what I was told, some are already dead."

"Please check what you can," replied Barbara.

"I'll try," Carla answered. "I'll do what I can."

"That's all I can ask," stated Barbara.

"Where should I start?" Barbara continued.

***

"My true name is Richard Ivanovitch. All of my grandparents came from Russia during the beginning of the revolution. In the close knit community my grandparents lived in, my parents who were born in America met and married. I was born in 1947.

"Don't look at me like that! You're asking yourself how could a 32-year-old female be born male 60 years ago. But as you said, my story is incredible.

"My life was fairly normal for a baby boomer. I even went to NYU in New York City. In October 1970 I was drafted and was sent to Vietnam in January '71. My platoon and I were on patrol in the jungles just north of Da Nang during the Tet offensive.

"We had a firefight and captured three VC and a Russian advisor. Knowing Russian from my childhood, I was able to get the Russian's basic information: name rank and serial number. He said his name was Nicholas Devonslavich a Captain in the Soviet Army. I told him that was all we would need now.

"When we got back to the base I was ordered by my superiors to assist in the investigation until some experts arrived two days later. While I was there the Russian admitted that he was an advisor for the VC. I do not know what happened to him after the experts arrived.

"Just after the experts arrived, my commanding officer talked to me about what had happened and why I knew Russian. I explained that if it wasn't for the revolution that I would be an heir to a Russian noble's estate and I along with my brothers and sisters, spoke Russian from the time we were infants. English in fact was my second language that I learned in the streets where I grew up.

"I had to repeat what I said in Russian to the experts. They asked me questions about my knowledge of Russia. I told them that I'd never been there. I explained that I didn't know anything about Moscow or Petrograd or any of the countryside.

"They were surprised that I used the name Petrograd instead of Leningrad as it was then. But when my grandparents left Russia it was still Petrograd and that's the way I learned it.

"I described in great detail the home I grew up in, the people I knew, the schools I attended and other parts of my life before the army. I was always talking in Russian except when they needed a clarification in English. In some ways it was nice because I was able to talk about happier times before the army. It also enabled me to think in Russian, which I hadn't done since I'd started college.

"During that time I had no duties with my unit. After about a week of this questioning I was given R&R and ordered to report to Moscow in Kansas about two weeks later. I didn't know what I was getting into, but anything was better than risking being shot at in the jungle of Vietnam, or so I thought.

"I spent the R&R going back to my old neighborhood. I needed to visit family and friends. Perhaps I knew somehow that would be the last time I would ever be there. After the great two weeks I arrived at Moscow. It was set up as THE Moscow.

"Nobody there even spoke English to anyone at any time. I was given intensive training including repairing my accent so I spoke like a native of Moscow instead of someone who had moved to the city from somewhere else. When I was ready I was to go to the Soviet Union where I was to become a KGB agent in the Soviet Union disguised as an army captain. It was a great cover.

"Can you imagine me a spy? I still can't. My main job was to ascertain supplies being sent to North Vietnam and Soviet troop movements. I also installed homing devices for our guided missiles.

When Bush and Gorbachev announced that our missiles were not going to be aimed at each other a few years ago I almost died laughing. I also thought it was funny that Gorbachev was the Soviet who made the announcement. For you see, my main contact was an Uncle Misha who later became the last Soviet Premier. Uncle Misha gave me most of my assignments.

"The orders seemed real, and anyone who had the nerve to check me out found out that I did have orders to go to the bases. My cover allowed me to walk around the bases with impunity. I also had a card that said I was in the party. That card amused me because of my real heritage. I knew that papa would also find it funny.

"My most dangerous mission occurred near the end of my time in Russia. I was at a small fortification on the banks of the Amur River when the Chinese started shelling the fort. The Chinese claimed that part of the Russian side of the river.

"When the shelling started, I gave orders and was able to get most of the troops protected. One youth was badly injured and couldn't get to safety. I ran out and grabbed the soldier and ran back with him on my back. Less than a second after I passed one spot it became a mortar hole. The commander at the fort insisted that I get a medal. I was told after I returned to the States that they couldn't find me and I was awarded that medal. The medal was Hero of the Soviet Union or something like that. Me, a hero.

"It was two days after the Amur River incident that Uncle Misha asked me to take a walk with him in Moscow. He said he just received disturbing news and that he wanted to make sure that the story was accurate. He then went into details of what is probably the most incredible story I have ever heard."

***

"Presley is still alive," Misha said.

"I heard he died a few years ago," I replied.

"Elvis was a Cuban spy," he said.

"I don't believe that," I said.

"Castro had to get Presley out of the U. S. before the FBI arrested him. So now Elvis is living in a villa in Havana with his mother."

"She died years ago."

"His mother recruited him. When things got hot for her, they faked her death."

"Why? It doesn't makes sense."

"He was the main contact for Oswald in the U. S."

"Presley and Oswald. That's a good joke."

"No joke," he said. "Oswald killed Kennedy because Kennedy killed Marilyn Monroe."

"You see," Misha, continued, "Castro had Kennedy killed because Castro was in love with Monroe. They had an affair before Fidel took over Cuba. He never stopped loving her. Then Kennedy came into the picture and Marilyn fell madly in love with Jack. Fidel felt bad about losing Marilyn, but didn't do anything against Kennedy even after the Bay of Pigs.

"Then Kennedy got Marilyn pregnant. It would have ruined his presidency. Kennedy had to do something. He had his brother set up the killing of Marilyn through the mob. Bobby Kennedy, the mob fighter was just an illusion and a means of getting rid of some rebel mob personnel. The mob actually got stronger under the Kennedys.

"Somehow Fidel found out that Marilyn was killed by the president and vowed revenge. Oswald went to Graceland got the assassination job through Presley. Just before he went to Texas, Kennedy found out about the plot against his life and sent Special Agent Jack Ruby to eliminate Oswald before Oswald got him. Ruby was then supposed to go into the witness protection program as soon as he took care of Oswald. As you know, Ruby was a little late, but took out Oswald anyway. You couldn't have loose ends.

"As I returned to Washington that night, a shaken Bobby Kennedy swore revenge. He eliminated Jimmy Hoffa, another Castro agent. It was Hoffa who supplied the gun and bullets to Oswald. Bobby had his friend Wellington Mara bury Hoffa. As a result the Jets and Giants have one thing that no other team in the NFL could ever have: the ability to
dance on someone's grave. Bobby also tried to get Castro, but the plot failed.

"Fidel was furious when he learned about the plots. He decided that the Kennedys had to be destroyed permanently. First he hired a racist to kill Dr. King. Castro wanted no one close to Kennedy to survive. Then he hired a Palestinian to knock off Bobby. The Palestinian connection was a stroke of genius of the dictator because of Kennedy's pro Israeli stand. To make sure that these assassinations seemed random, Castro also attacked Governor Wallace. George was effectively taken out of politics by Castro.

"But Castro wasn't finished. Fidel had to get Eddie Kennedy. He sent a demolition expert to the Kennedy compound on Martha's Vineyard and fixed Ed's car so it would crash. Ed was the real intended victim, but that near miss destroyed Ed's reputation so he could never run for president. As far as Castro was concerned he succeeded.

"You expect me to believe this?" I asked.

"I expect you to find out if it's true," replied Uncle Misha.

"How will you get the info when I return?"

"I have my ways," he said. "I have my ways."

***

"After that, Uncle Misha gave me one final assignment. I was told to 'inspect' the defense facilities on Big Diomede Island. It was January and there is NO sun there that time of year. The ice between Russia and the United States at those islands is so thick that a truck can drive between the two islands. About one day after I got there, I put on a fur coat and boots and ran to Little Diomede Island. The Soviet troops fired at me when I was about one hundred yards from the border.

"As soon as I crossed into U. S. territory I threw up my hands and shouted, 'American, American.' The U. S. troops brought me around their snow bunker and waved to their Soviet cousins who had stopped firing at me as soon as I crossed the border.

"I couldn't get off the island immediately. There was a blizzard that day and the next. It took almost a week before the Captain of this Alaskan National Guard unit could send me off the Island to a base near Anchorage. In Anchorage, I was debriefed for over two weeks. I never though I would be glad to speak English again. After that ordeal I was sent to Fort Dix in New Jersey where I was given a metal for spying and discharged.

I rested and enjoyed the life in NYC's Greenwich Village for two weeks while I tried to contact Senator Kennedy. Eventually I was granted an audience with the senator and headed up to Massachusetts where Kennedy was living. I gave him the information I had and told him that I was asked for confirmation.

"Ed told me that he was not drunk the night of Chappaquitic. He told me all of a sudden his brakes and steering failed. He tried to save Mary Jo but she couldn't swim. He dived several times as he tried to save her. He also confirmed that he had heard that Monroe was pregnant with Jack's child and that the coroner in that case was bribed to keep things quiet. He would get the "King of Rock and Roll" for what he did. Eddie got in touch with President Ford and tried to hatch a plan to get Castro and Presley. It never materialized.

"Instead, the FBI came to my home on West 4th Street in Greenwich Village. It was a two-bedroom railroad flat on the third floor of the apartment building. I let them in and they handcuffed me. They never read me my rights.

"I was taken to a facility in New Jersey and held there for a week. They never questioned me. I then went to someplace along the Mississippi. I saw the river out my fourth floor window. I was there over a year. Nobody talked to me. I was going crazy.

"They then took me to Nevada's Area 51. I knew where I was because I had visited it before I left for the Soviet Union.

"The first time I was there getting instructions on a new type of equipment. This time a new type of equipment was being used on me. I awoke with strangers calling me Barbara and asking me if I was all right.

"These strangers claimed I was their daughter. They claimed I had a nasty fall from the window of our house and I was unconscious for a few months. Well part of their story was true. Incredibly, I was female and about seven years old. They took me "home" to their house in Irvington, New Jersey. They even pointed to the window and roof from where I fell. I have no knowledge of my life in Irvington before I left that hospital. It was Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago. Why was I in a hospital in Chicago if my so-called parents lived in New Jersey? Even Valhalla in Westchester would make more sense.

"The government thought they had gotten rid of me, but I fooled them. I bided my time. When I graduated high school I stared telling everyone about my ordeal, but nobody believed me. I told an undercover FBI agent. He claimed that I became violent and had me brought to this nut house. I have been here ever since. I AM NOT VIOLENT!"

***

"Is that it?" Carla asked.

"You want more?" Barbara replied. "I've never been kissed by a boy. I am a boy. I guess man is the proper word since I am now 32. I still like girls even with these hormones ranging through my body."

"Do you still remember Russian?" Carla asked.

"Sure," replied Barbara. "Why?"

"I have a friend who speaks it very well. Perhaps I can ask you to speak to her."

"That would be nice. I haven't spoken it in years."

***

Carla let herself out of the rubber room and found Dr. Anderson.

"She seems so believable," Carla told him.

"She believes that story about the conspiracies," he answered. "We can't shake her delusions. And her violence is well documented despite what she told you."

"Thank you, doctor," Carla said. "Do you have anything else interesting?"

"Why, yes, I do." Dr. Anderson said. "We have a catatonic case just down this hall..."