Can I have some Brown Sugar for my Damper 4.

Chapter 4

Have you ever had one of those times where it’s reality and yet it’s so not? I’m sitting here all bed messy with this stunning guy that just being near him makes me breathy and he’s feeding me Hot damper with butter and golden syrup on it and it’s good, he’s good and…

How? How can this guy be real? I’ve know construction guys and contractors all my life and Rudy is nothing like them.

You ever meet someone with an aura like hot spices in a pan. That holy it’s hard to breathe thing…or remember to breathe thing.

It all happens in and instant and ends when I realize I’m getting chewed on by the bugs.

“Wow…okay…that’s a lot better than I thought.”

“Well, Y’know you’re in Brisbane, things are always better than y’think.” He winks at me and takes out this tube of cream. “Here use somma this now, it’ll get rid of the worst of the bugs.”

I take it and smell it and I think I smell teatree oil? Citron oils? I start putting some on and turn around when I slide my hands under my top and rub some on my breasts. Oh hell it’s just made thing feel all hot and bothered a bit worse and should I have even done that with my back turned in front of this guy…I mean I really don’t know what the guys are like down here and really for my age my knowledge of guys is kind of sparse anyway.

But the flies are pretty bad and everything and have you ever had bad bug bites on your breasts. I have and that’s not the greatest thing to experience.

But he’s got this I’m just eating my breakfast thing going on all innocent and stuff until I can see between the bites of his food he’s trying to hide a smirk.

I blush a little. “Enjoyed that?”

“Streuth, I did.”

“Huh?”

“It means yes, I did.”

“Oh…you do know that I’m not a genetic girl…”

I want that up front and out of the way so that if he’s going to be an asshole about it I’ll know and I can get him replaced by someone else. Rudy just looks at me. “Yeah I heard that was the case and all but even if you was as bristly as a razorback you’s still be a girl and all of that.”

He smiles as he talks like it just part of his demeanor to be cheerful and stuff but her gestures with his fork like he’s using it to conduct his sentence. It’s endearing.

“You’re so sure of that are you?”

“Looky here mate, any person that’s going to get surgery and be taking pills and all sorts of stuff to be a woman instaid of staying a bloke ain’t never was a bloke to begin with in the first place. I mean that just common sense right you’d have to be one daft pelican not to get that I figure.”

“That’s pretty enlightened you know, thanks Rudy it’s kind of a relief that you get it.”

“Aww, of course I get it Morgan it’s not all that hard to get plus it’s part of the job description.”

“Job description?”

“I’ll have you know that any good builder work his salt isn’t just looking off into space or just sitting back having a beer there’s a lot more going on there y’know.”

“Like what?”

“Well like Joseph, he was a carpenter and it wasn’t just the words of God that made that lad turn out so well.”

“So carpenters are right there with god are they.”

“Strewth love, we both build things that are beautiful and wonderful and while we’re doing all of that we’re looking to figure out the mysteries of the universe.”

“All with a tool belt showing off the crack of your butt?”

“Prices need to be pain love, prices need to be paid.”

I laugh and it feels good…I’ve never bantered like this in so long and really…”Strewthfully” I’m not sure I’ve ever had that much fun doing that before and certainly not while I’m having breakfast.

He takes the dishes and puts them in this sink/table thing that looks like it might have been a laundry sink from my basement and starts doing the dishes. He’s got tube piping going to what I’m hoping the sewer outlet is.

“So that’s from my basement right? How bad’s the damage.”

“Well you got yerself a right good bog.”

“Wait…doesn’t that mean the toilet or the sewer?”

“And that’s what you have. Whoever did some of this work for your brother took him for a ride and didn’t know what he was doing. It’s a right mess that needs pumped out and dried then filled full of cement.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, with the floods its all way too soft and the concrete walls have started falling apart because the fella that made them made too thin. You’ve got your entire foundation all a mess and unless you get her in good and solid…”

“My second floor window might become my fight floor window?”

“Right, exactly. Your brother was a decent fella but we don’t really do basements hereabouts Y’know.”

“Oh I’m sure Matt was likely even told that but sometimes when he gets….when he’d get…an idea in his head he’d just run with it.”

I stand and try to breathe through that lump there thinking about Matt, he was so full of life and doing stupid stuff like that and I’m trying not to cry when I feel these big strong hands on my arms and Rudy just gently turns me around and pulls me into his chest and then his arms slip around me into this great big hug.

I…

I lose it.

It just…this was my brother, my Mattie and I’m swamped by all these things that I’ve really been trying not to think about. Like when we were kids and all the great times then…I’ve sealed that time off inside because I wasn’t me then but especially after Matt died because the rest of the family just…

The excited little boy he used to be, the crazy kid that built ramps for him to jump his bikes off with his friends and break his arm for the first time that got me fascinated in x-rays and stuff that it became an option for me afterwards…I helped teach him to drive…he taught me how to snowboard…

It all comes tumbling out and I think I’ve never really cried like this because I never felt safe enough to.

Rudy…there’s just something kind and honest about him. Strong and he knows and as much as he jokes it just doesn’t matter what I am and he’s just being there and holding me.

I try and get a hold of myself. God I’m a mess and I’m sort of leaning back and pulling away to rub at my eyes. “God, I’m so sorry Rudy, I just don’t know…just talking and thinking of him and it just got to me.”

“Hey, no worries right? Matt, he was a good lad yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“Was he worth crying over?”

I look at Rudy and my throats closing up again with feelings and I just nod a lot.

“Then for God’s sake woman cry, yer allowed to, yer supposed to.”

I’m start to cry again and I’m looking at him and he pulls me back to his chest and the safety of his arms.

Permission to cry…

I’ve never had that before, not even from myself.

Rudy actually leans from side to side rocking me.

Then he’s singing really softly….to me…softly to me and that accent and the song…I just I’ve heard it a lot really but some how it means more right now than I’ve ever felt it and it just makes me cry all the harder and hand on a little tighter.

“The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another
It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother…”

It’s like I can really let it out and that somehow Rudy and I are having our own private funeral here in the backyard of my brothers home and it’s like I’ve been pulled here…I just…

There’s no words that really do justice to the clouds seemingly just drift away from the sun and the light just seems to shine out and make everything right and clean.

I’m supposed to be here right…nothing has ever felt like this before. God what is it about this place?

Brisbane…I haven’t even been here a day and I think I’m finding…

Everything….