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I sat on the stool, legs crossed, in the closed bar, idly holding a drink, the bartender counting the till. Ellie, in a cloud of cigarette smoke on the next stool, saying she wore mens' suits and ties at work. My black knit dress, flowing silk Moschino scarf, wig, even stockings would all carry the memory of it later.
We spoke of parades and movies and gender politics. The Halloween decorations looked down on us, motors bringing some to life now and again.
I took my leave. Jerry let me out the door, kissing me on the cheek goodnight
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This story is 99 words long.
Comments
If You Haven't Got Anything Nice To Say...
...well, then so what? I'd still like to hear from you. Your criticisms, your questions, your suggestions, your puzzlements, your general irritation with drabbles, or with me, or with crossdressers in general. I don't care. Tell me.
Is this too stupid for a drabble? Is it something that should have been told in a longer form? Is it a subject that just doesn't interest you, but you were mislead into thinking it was something else?
This is my first attempt at a drabble, and the only part I think I got right was making it 100 words, but I'm not even sure if being exact is important. After all, the category is "Drabble ~ 100 words," the tilde (~) generally standing for "approximately."
And, this is only my second attempt at posting a story, the first of which was a longer autobiographical vignette in more or less the same vein.
So, some feedback would be greatly valued. Criticism, harsh or otherwise, is graciously invited. I ask Erin to please let all postings in this thread stand, and request everyone to be tolerant of anyone's criticism. Don't defend me. Don't attack anyone attacking this piece or me. I'm a tough cookie, and I can take it. Let it stand, ignore it, or take it up privately (but I'd rather you not even do that.) Please avoid elevating anything to a flame war on my behalf, because I'm not going to. I'm just looking for some honest reaction, including whether or not it was simply too f***ing boring for words.
Thanks in advance,
Pippa
~~~~~
Pippa's Praiseworthy Prose
drabbles dribble, drabbles drool
bibulous baubles by fatuous fools
or so it had seemed (as a general rule)
'til this new wave of drabbles, most righteous & true
by Heather Rose Brown, and Ms. Audball, and you...
In other words I like it. It's a nice concise vignette, good sense of place, feelings, personalities.
I think this scene does deserve a bit more than a drabble, because I like dialog and want in on the
conversation you allude to, which sounds fascinating. But having limited yourself to the drabble format,
it's probably the best distillation of the evening you coulda constructed....I always liked your comments,
and wondered why you didn't submit stories here. I'll have to check out your memoir/story piece,
& would love to see more stories, drabbles, poems whatever by you on this here site...
~~~hugs, peace, freedom. LAIKA
Well shit, I guess it really CAN happen here..,
.
Relax ?
Pippa,
Anything that you have to say or write is as valid as anyone else. Don't diminish what you have to offer with such a defensive stance. Your experiences are the equal of anyone's. I think that you have a lot to say, real concerns, real experiences. That is a lot more difficult than making up a silly fantasy life and posting it here. Pippa, tell your story and don't apologize.
Gwen
Gwen Lavyril
Gwen Lavyril
Thank You
Thank you, everyone, for your most sweet and kind comments on my little drabble. I hope you understand I really wasn't trolling for praise, but for some hints on how to be a better writer, or more interesting things to write about.
Since I posted the thing, I find myself drawn to (but so far resisting) making changes. Of the 100 words I've posted, there have been about 300 I wanted to change. I strongly suspect this is why I've never been able to finish or post a piece of fiction. Ah, the curse of the obsessive-compulsive... (not to mention thoroughly-pixilated.)
Excellent drabble :)
I love the sense of atmosphere in this piece. The ending where Jerry kisses you on the cheek was very sweet.
Heather Rose Brown :)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
I Don't normally care for drabbles...
but, since this one was written by you, I read it...and thought of you.
Huggles from
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
I'm weakening
I mean I'm actually starting to like... drabbles and I do like this one. It describes the scene beautifully and yet leaves you wondering a about Ellie and who she is outside in the world and just what the feelings where after that kiss on the cheek. Pleasure? Ambivalence? Bemusement? Laughter?.. though not at Jerry, he sounds cool, just, well...
Hey, it's nice
Kristina
Works several ways
As a mood piece it works.
It seems also the intro to something far longer. Who is TG or crsss dressing here, our speaker, Ellie? This could go many directions.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa