CHAPTER 11
We sat in the sun afterwards, as Rollo was delegated to attack the dishes and Maman told more stories of odd customers. Margot was a little more inquisitive once she had disappeared to control my brother’s enthusiasm with the soap.

“Sophie…you must tell me. What is that you have…?”

She cupped her own breasts, gently, not rudely.

“I have some…items, things that Rollo found for me. It is true that I am not quite, you know, but…”

“But you will, you know, snip snip?”

Young people. Always so fascinated by the odd and the unusual. I sighed.

“Yes, Margot, at some point I hope that I may be rectified, but for now I just itch”

“Pardon?”

I leant closer to my two friends. “I have been on the little pills now, the girl pills, yes? They are effective…and I may not need Rollo’s items in a year or two”

Elle perked up at that. “Ooh! Can we see?”

I made sure the others were still in the kitchen, and then leant forward to let them see down my décolletage. Moving the pad to one side, they could see my nipple. Elle giggled.

“I remember being like that! So, so sensitive all the time! There are creams, Sophie, but best to stay with really nice, soft things. And….”

Again she giggled, and Margot joined in. “Shopping! New things!”

I packed myself away and smiled at them. “I think, perhaps, I get used to being a girl for a little time before I start being silly?”

Elle slapped my arm gently. “Do not be silly now, then. You always have been a girl, it is obvious! Just like your brother, he is a man, no doubt there! Oh Margot…you blush so sweetly”

She was indeed rose-pink. “Well, he is gorgeous! That smile, how could one not love it?”

Elle nodded. “And his feet, they must be at least a 47, 49?”

We were still laughing when my family returned. Elle turned directly to my brother.

“So, Roland, we were wondering how many of the girls from the airlines you have come to know well?”

He sat for a moment, looking slightly stunned, then recovered.

“If I had known, if I could have guessed, what having a sister would mean, I may perhaps have decided to become a brother”

I looked at him. “But you already were a brother”

That smile. “No, darling sister, a Brother. In a cloister somewhere, far away from teenaged girls and giggles. My ladies, I do indeed know several of the ladies in uniform, but as I am no pilot their eyes and intentions pass me by, alas. I am but a simple son of the soil, steeped in the perfumes of the land”

Maman snorted. “Steeped in cider and calvados, more like”

That was when I had one of those moments of quiet revelation that come so rarely but wonderfully. My brother was attractive. Attractive as a young man, attractive to women and girls. He was tall and fit, and there were twinkles to his eyes and dimples to his smile, and a broad vein of humour and mischief ran through all he said. This knowledge did not awaken in me because of my companions: that was my second awakening. I did not look at them, how they reacted to him, to see what such a concept meant, but felt it emerge in my own soul.

My brother was my brother, and after that a man, at one moment in my life, and then, like a spark from the Almighty above, he was a man, and a good-looking one, with charm and grace, and I knew even more that I was female.

Eventually, the day ran its course with smiles and small cakes with coffee, and Elle’s parents were there once more. There were smiles as they saw us aligned at the table, and more smiles from Maman as she asked them to take at least a cup of coffee and a treat to amuse the palate, and no, she had plenty, just little things, nothing special, she ran them up so easily, and once more my eyes were opened. My mother had her own life, and her own pain, and now I saw her own loneliness laid bare for me.

Yes, her liaisons with the doctor had given her much of what she needed, but she had always been a bourgeoise, a housewife and mother. She wanted nothing more than the commonest rewards, the ones that had so far been so rare. A good house, well-kept, and a face for the world, the face of a good woman and a sound mother. This was her chance to lay out her credentials for inspection. Not only that, but by one of her son’s colleagues.

“Salut, Roland! You have a most charming family, and so patient!”

Rollo grinned as Maman bustled around with cups and cafetiá¨re. “Patient, Emil?”

“Patient with my little bundle of energy. Has she behaved?”

“She has been the very model of a gracious lady”

Mme Clermont, Françoise, bent down and lifted the edge of the table cloth. “You have perhaps, then, bound and gagged our real child and replaced her with some substitute?”

Elle snorted. “Maman, these cakes are far too nice, otherwise I would throw one. Sophie, they do tease me!”

Her father laughed. “Well, it is nice to finally meet the girl that she has talked of so much, even if I did have to twist your brother’s arm for more details. She is a loving creature, but perhaps she frightens others with the life in her. No, sweet one, do not pout. It is true, and we would have it no other way. Your mother and I, we have always said, life, it is to be lived, not endured, and this, now…this is what life should be, no? Pretty girls, sunshine, good food, friends”

Mme Clermont smiled. “And good-looking men, too, no? We must not be sexist. Ah! Have I touched a nerve, Margot?”

Her husband winked at her, clear to me but perhaps not to the others. “Rollo, what of the rest of your house? May I see?”

The men walked off, leaving us women alone, and ‘no, call me Françoise, and he’s Emil’ leant forward over the table.

“Margot, yes, he is, isn’t he? And you are how old?”

“Nearly seventeen”

“So, what, about seven years in difference?”

“Five” offered Maman.

“Five, then. Now, I am older than you, but younger than my beloved, and at our ages it matters little, such a gap. But at your age, it is a big thing still. I know what this is like, the sudden loss of one’s heart, but it happens, and often. Sometimes the heart returns home unasked, sometimes not. He is a handsome man, no?”

Elle giggled, and muttered something. Her mother looked down at her and sighed. “You and those big feet. It is not always so, my child”

The imp was back. “But so much fun to investigate, no?”

Once the laughter had died down, Margot asked in a faint voice whether she had really made it that obvious where her desires lay, and as one the rest of us told her yes, she had. She sighed.

“Papa must not know. He is a little protective. More so since, you know, my mother”

Tears were there, I saw, unbidden but present, and it was not until later, when she was at the toilet before departure, that Elle was able to explain about the events, the robbery, the sudden appearance of the knife. That day she had stood by her friend in the rain, as her mother had been placed into the ground. Margot’s slow thaw over the last three years.

“That is why this day was so good, Sophie. Her father let her take the bus here, and that is such a rarity. She rides with us to school and back, because that is so organised, but to go, by herself, out in the world, that is new. We will drive her home tonight, so he will be happy, but normally, no, she does not travel alone. Ah, my little girlfriend, we all have our demons, no?”

Margot was back, then, as were the men, and Elle stayed true to herself with a whisper in the girl’s ear, “No grabbing his bottom when you say goodbye, eh?”

Margot did smile then, and turned to me. “Well, that makes one thing certain: we are friends for life now”

I cocked my head. “And you know this how?”

“Well, sisters in law are usually close, no? I have made my decision, and I will not be denied. He will be mine!”

Her grin turned to a shrug. “I haven’t any idea exactly when, though. See you on the bus tomorrow?”

And they were gone. My mother stood there watching as the car drove away, then held out her arms for her children to be enfolded.

“Is this not what we wanted, my children? Is this not where we should be? Come, we shall take the last of the day’s warmth with the wine I could not offer earlier”

We sat in company till the first stars came out, our shoulders wrapped in wool. Maman was content, it seemed, with her day.

“Sophie…the tall girl, Margot? She is not a good actress, is she?”

“No, Maman, she was rather obvious. Not so, my brother?”

“Pardon? I do not follow you”

Two of us turned basilisk stares at the third. Maman’s voice was smooth velvet.

“And you, my son, you did not notice the legs that bore young Margot?”

It seems my brother can blush too. Even in the dusk I could tell.

“She is but a schoolgirl, Maman!”

“For less than two more years, my darling. Just, even if you say no, remember how easily girls may be hurt”

She looked across and took my hand. “Those two, yes? They know? I watched them about you, and there were moments, but it was curiosity, not harm, there in their faces”

“Yes, they know. Elle found out, and then she said something, and Margot heard, but she had also made a guess, and it was the right one. No, I think there is no harm there, and Elle told me a secret, too”

Roland chuckled. “About her mother? I already know that one. Emil is actually rather proud of her. If…”

He turned to me, taking my other hand. “Darling sister, this is what we were born for, no? What Maman says, we are now bourgeois, we are respectable in all things. I would share our secret with Emil, if you are agreed, for I feel that Françoise may be of help. She knows some…interesting people, and it was through them I found your…”

He waved vaguely at my chest. I nodded.

“Brother, you are reading my thoughts. This is good, this is what family should be. Perhaps now, we can look to broader horizons”

Maman squeezed my hand. “Yes, broader than a girl’s behind, anyway! Now, time to finish up, and put things away. You have school tomorrow, my sweet, and you have true friends to go with. Rollo is right: now, we make our own lives, as they should be”