A Change in Lifestyle
Chapter 2
Well some of you my ask how come my name is Robyn and not Robin. Well at school I got teased a lot and also recently Helen has teased me a lot too. I have been living with this difficulty all through my school and working life and when I’ve applied for jobs on the internet the response mostly comes back as Ms Robyn Boyd-Cooper and even Helens bank sent me a bank card as Ms Robyn Boyd-Cooper. It seemed to amuse Helen a lot so she didn’t do anything about it.

I complained to my mother when I was in early school but all she would say was ‘A robin is a bird and Robyn was the name your Gran selected as soon as she saw you.’ I suppose it did influence my early life since I found that I actually liked the teasing and especially from some of the girls who used to poke fun at me because I was only slightly built and not very active in the boys playgroups.

Helen said she married me because of my good looks rather than my frame size because she hoped to have children with model looks rather than defects. We hadn’t had any luck in that department even though we’d tried. I guess that was another reason why Helen sometimes got angry with me because I wasn’t very aggressive sexually and often she had to make the first move. In fact sometimes she said she’d had to make all the moves and I’d still not managed to bring her to climax. This part of our relationship seemed to be getting worse rather than better and Helen had asked me to go for some tests.

The doctor in our surgery on the day of my visit was a lady said she I shouldn’t worry about it and that she’d like to do some tests on both of us. It seemed like I had a low sperm count and Helens resistance was too strong so the doctor recommended she exercise a lot and I rest up before sexual intercourse.

Well I suppose that was what started Helen going to the gym but in truth I’ve found that it’s made her more sexually aggressive rather than laying back and thinking of England. For me I tried everything including visits to the massage rooms at the gym and long soaks in the jacuzzi before we went home.

I think that losing my job didn’t help and each time Helen was promoted I felt more and more inadequate so two or three times per week became once a week and then once a month.
As Helen built up her fitness she spent more time with Emma and I suppose I didn’t mind since it meant I was not put under so much pressure. The other benefit was that I could spend my time reading or on the internet and Facebook and my network of friends started to build up. Of course most contacts assumed that I was Ms Robyn Boyd-Carter and for some of them I decided to act out the part. I don’t know what made me do this but I did find it rather gratifying and as my communications were increasing I was getting worried.

The benefit was that by acting as a woman on line I was starting to think and behave more like the girl they thought I was and I would read a lot more female sections of newspapers and joined womens magazines exchanging opinions through the blog sections.
I even took a photograph of myself with make-up and my hair brushed to a more feminine style and borrowed one of Helens tops. I just looked like my younger sister and I was amazed how it made me feel.

I remember that night Helen had been quite surprised that I made a move for once and she’d had to decline because it was the time of the month. That started her joking with me about my monthly cycle coinciding with hers so she’d suggested she went back on the pill for a while that always reduced her periods to a few days.

So I couldn’t seem to win at that time whatever I did but my feelings were definitely starting to change. I was out of work but I enjoyed it and I didn’t mind doing chores around the house. Often I’d buy Helen flowers knowing that she’d ask me to put them in water for her.

Then one evening last week I was on the internet and Helen sneaked up behind me. She spotted that I was in my yahoo account and that I was writing to someone and that I became embarrassed and signed out before she had chance to check. She’d not said anything until last night and then she’d reminded me and asked who I was writing to.

I must have been like a frightened rabbit caught in car headlights and twisted the truth a bit to say it was someone I’d met on line who was helping me to build up my interview skills. She was hurt that I didn’t ask her.

Maybe I got away with it but judging by her bad temper this morning when she slammed the door I was going to have to find a better explanation. I’d been communicating with someone I’d met through a tgirl website who had a Flickr account and I’d been amazed how many contacts she had. I was even more amazed t how feminine she looked. There were so many people like this and it made me so angry that someone had invented the term tgirl. The people I’d seen on Flickr seemed like normal people who just had feminine sides to their personalities and that had made me think a lot about myself.

For sure when Helen had stormed out of the house I’d wanted to scream at her and when I sat down to calm myself I felt like crying.

What had gone wrong with our marriage and why couldn’t we just be happy. Was it to do with our work situation and me losing my job? Was it because I felt so inadequate nowadays especially because of Helens success. Or my lack of sexual drive. Sometimes I did wish I could be the wife at home without any pressure on me and to support Helen since she is miles better than me and much more dominant in our relationship than she’d been before. Why couldn’t she be the one to decide if we made love together and why couldn’t I just work part time to give me some independence and some pocket money so I didn’t have to depend on Helen totally.

So here I was on Monday morning with Helen having slammed the door and so far no answers just questions. I decided to tidy up in the kitchen and make myself some tea and put on the breakfast programme. I washed the dishes by hand looking out over our garden. Helen had talked about employing a gardener since I showed no enthusiasm for cutting grass and digging soil. I suppose I’d have to cut the grass at least to try to make amends.
I sat to watch TV and hoped that Helen might call me to apologise. I certainly didn’t feel like ringing her at the moment.

I was reading the newspaper with one eye on TV when the presenters introduced a person who was a man living as a woman. He’d been to Thailand to take part in a Miss World competition and he’d not done very well. But I was interested since he really looked and acted like a woman and he had a feminine voice and female mannerisms. His girlfriend had gone with him to Thailand and followed him around looking after him and helping him to prepare. As he lost his confidence she lifted him and she’d even carried his bags for him. She still loved him as a man even though he looked and acted like a woman. At least I think she did but maybe the relationship was more woman to woman.

He had behaved terribly in Thailand always panicking when something went wrong and his girlfriend had stayed calm. It’s strange because this guy ran his own small engineering company in the North of England and I could imagine his life would be hell herein due to the prejudices there.

It was funny that I’d become so absorbed and I felt this person was a woman and the film clips of her at work were as if she’d dressed as a man. He wasn’t unlike me in appearance so I tied my hair back into a pony tail and looked in the mirror. Mmmm I thought I might look like a woman dressed like a man with a little effort. So when it finished I went upstairs to our bedroom. I went into the en-suite bathroom and ran a bath filling it with oil and found one of Helens best perfumed soaps.

I didn’t have much body hair but something urged me deep inside to take out one of Helens ladyshave razors and remove it. I’d already shaved the few hairs on my face the night before so no need to do it again. I soaked for a good half an hour and then I washed my hair. Helen had some color shampoo that I used to bring out a lighter tint to my mid brown hair.

I used some conditioner that was quite expensive by the look of it and then put on Helens bathrobe and tied a towel around my head. I did look quite feminine like this and I felt completely relaxed and pink all and soft all over.

I brushed my hair and parted it down the centre. I brushed it with a soft brush from Helens dressing table and then let it dry naturally for a while before finishing it with a blow drier. That gave extra lift and some extra sheen.

Was this a woman in the mirror or was it me?

I couldn’t resist the make-up bag and applied a little mascara. Not very well I might add but enough to see the effect I was looking for. Then I applied some lipstick in a deepish red color hoping I’d put it back in the right place. Mmmm it tasted nice.

Now I did look more like this person on TV. Well maybe not quite so attractive as ‘she’ did but then she’d probably been in the make-up department before transmission.

I looked through Helens knicker drawer and found a pair of older panties that were pink with a soft lace ribbon at the front. I pulled them tight and even though they were tight I liked the feel compared to my boxer shorts.

I stopped at that point to look at myself in the mirror. I still wanted to create the woman dressed as a man look that was supposed to be my excuse. I found a pair of Helens jeans and a checked shirts and soft wool sweater. I had no boobs but I did look like more like a woman than a man even dressed like this.

I liked it and decided I’d stay dressed like this for a few hours. I wasn’t totally feminine but at least I had proved to myself that I was as good as the guy on Breakfast TV.
For the next two hours I fussed around the house tidying up even though everything was OK and polishing shiny surfaces.

I looked outside and even though I was frightened I plucked up the courage to cut the grass.

I found a pair of Helens green wellington boots and even though they were a little bit tight they looked right. The only problem was I hated cutting grass.

I guess I’d been cutting the lawn for about 20 minutes when I realized someone was watching me.

To be continued…..