“Why?” He asked again, wiping at the tears in his eyes. His pain had become frustration, which was quickly boiling over into anger. “WHY?” He pushed back against her and forced his tears back long enough to scream. To him it was a simple question. But his mother couldn't answer it, she had failed in the past. He pushed against her and sat up on his own. “WHY!!!” He bellowed.

“WHY DID I HAVE TO BE BORN LIKE THIS?!?” He glared at her. “WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE THIS....THIS THING BETWEEN MY LEGS?!? WHY CAN'T I BE A NORMAL GIRL!?!” The floodgate that held back the tears shattered, causing the young boy to bend slightly and sob uncontrollably.

The rating for this episode is slightly higher, due to the content within. I felt it was time for "the Talk"

Please bear with me, this one wasn't edited by an outside source, mostly because I am an impatient fool.

December 27th 1982

Tracy was sad. With each step that brought her closer to her house, her happy mood was shred away, as though someone was taking a potato peeler to her soul. It wasn't the fact that she was going home after spending time with Joy, Angie, Olivia, her mother and her grandmother. It was where she was going to be in an hour and how she had to go there.

Maggie had taken the day off of work and had been hanging out with her daughter as well, but that wasn't what made the girl sad. She wasn't upset by the fact that her father was at work. No, this was bigger that that. Tracy didn't want to go home, because she had to become Troy for a doctor's appointment. The only ray of sunshine from the whole deal was that she could get off her restrictions. But once again, Troy was the one with the appointment.

Tracy sighed as she entered the house and went to her bedroom. She didn't want to get out of her clothes. She loved these clothes. From the dark blue skirt, with tiny red roses that circled the bottom, to the light blue shirt, also with roses on it, to the blue shoes with pink glitter on them. She was happy with this look. Her hair was in pigtails, although it wasn't braided like her friends in Livermore had done for her.

Tracy went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of pants, underwear and a shirt for Troy, then tossed it on the bed. Then she sat on her bed and began to untie her shoelaces, then pulled off one shoe, then the other. Next came the socks. White ankle socks with little pom poms on the top.

Once that was done she stood up and pulled off her top and placed it neatly on the bed. She craned her neck an sighed at the sight of her flat chest. She pulled her arms through the straps of the bra, a trick she learned from her mother, Then she pulled out two small rolled up nylons, to fill out the training bra, but not make her chest look too big. She grabbed at the base of the bra and turned it around to get at the clasp easier. When it was off and she had placed it on her bed, she turned and looked at the mirror. She wasn't aware that this had become ritual with her. A part of her wished, as she looked at her reflection, that she could see something. Any tiny change in her chest size would have been accepted. Sure, she had something, but not much. Even being able to fill a training bra would have made her ecstatic. Brooke had something, so did Stacey, Casey and Rachel. Even Sage had a chest forming, or so she thought. A small part of her wished that a Doctor would show up and tell her she was just like Sage, part boy, part girl, and get her closer to the goal she desired.

She sighed as she realized that this wasn't the day that she'd be visited by the boob fairy and went to work on stepping out of her skirt. Once it was off, she placed it on the pile of growing clothes, then she looked down. The panties she wore were a simple white number, with little pink clouds on them. But that wasn't what grabbed her attention. It was the unsightly bulge in them. It wasn't a big bulge, but it was still there, and to her, even the slight size of it was just too much.

She shut her eyes as she lowered her panties. She so wished that it would just fall off, but she knew it hadn't. Tears began to fell from her eyes as she let the cloth slide down her legs and to the floor. She bent down and picked it up, feeling that accursed part rubbing against a leg. The tears turned into light sobbing. She placed the panties on the bed, then grabbed at the clothes she had to wear and the flung them to the bedroom door, screaming at the top of her lungs.

As she fell onto her bed, grabbing at her pillow and sobbing into it, Maggie came rushing into the house. She went straight for her kids room. She froze only for a second when she saw her youngest child, naked on the bed an sobbing. She went in, tripping on the clothes that had been thrown into the doorway, then kneeling at the bottom bunk. She wrapped her arms around her youngest and pulled the sobbing, shaking child to her. “Baby, what's wrong? Are you hurt?”

It was Troy who rested his head against his mother’s chest and sobbed. The happy daughter Maggie had seen just minutes before, was now a miserable little boy again. He sobbed for several minutes, till he looked up and asked a simple question.

“Why?”

“Why what, baby?”

“Why?” He asked again, wiping at the tears in his eyes. His pain had become frustration, which was quickly boiling over into anger. “WHY?” He pushed back against her and forced his tears back long enough to scream. To him it was a simple question. But his mother couldn't answer it, she had failed in the past. He pushed against her and sat up on his own. “WHY!!!” He bellowed.

“WHY DID I HAVE TO BE BORN LIKE THIS?!?” He glared at her. “WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE THIS....THIS THING BETWEEN MY LEGS?!? WHY CAN'T I BE A NORMAL GIRL!?!” The floodgate that held back the tears shattered, causing the young boy to bend slightly and sob uncontrollably.

Maggie reached out and pulled him back to her and held on tightly. Her own voice cracked as she held him tightly. “I don't know.” She placed a very gentle kiss on his forehead and whispered again. “I just don't know.”

Troy looked up at her thought tear stained eyes. “I just want to be a girl. Is that so wrong?”

“No. not it's not.” Maggie replied.

Troy leaned his head against his mother for a bit more, till he broke the silence without looking up. “I still got to go today, don't I?”

“Well, the sooner you go, the sooner you can start cooking again.” Maggie answered.

“I just.....” He shook his head. “I just don't want to wear that stuff.” He waved his hand at where he had thrown Troy's clothes.

“I know.”

“Do I have to?” Troy looked up with pleading eyes.

Maggie knew she was looking at a tough decision. She could either take charge and tell him to get dressed as Troy, but then he would hate her. Or she could let Tracy go to the appointment, but that would put her little girl in harms way. Or her third choice was to let her youngest make the choice on his, or her, own.

“Baby. I can't make this decision for you. I can only tell you that if you go how you want, people could see you and that could cause problems.” Maggie hugged him once more. “I want you happy, but I need you to be safe. No mother wants to see her children attacked for who they are. At least not this one.”

Troy watched her as she bent forward, kissed his forehead, then let go of him and stood up. “So, I should go as Troy?”

“Should? Yes. I know you hate it, but if people saw you, they may not understand.” Maggie said. “But I don't want to push you in either direction. Sometimes in life, we have to do things we hate, but it's how you handle it that defines who you are. You know that you're Tracy Patterson. But it's the struggle to fully become Tracy Patterson that will make your journey worth it.”

He sighed as she headed for the door. “I guess.”

“I'll be in the kitchen. Come out when you're ready and we can take off then.” Maggie said as she walked into the hall. She went to the 'fridge and pulled out a couple slices of cheese and unwrapped them. She felt bad for making him choose, but she couldn't bear her child hating her.

A few minutes later, Troy came out into the kitchen. He didn't look up at her, he just watched his feet for a moment. “I'm ready.” He said in a voice that seemed devoid of life.

It was at that moment Maggie made a decision. “Okay.” She stood up and fished the car keys out of her purse. “Can you go hop in the car. I need the bathroom. Go ahead and put the radio on what ever you want to listen to.”

“Sure.” He shrugged and headed for the front door. He climbed into the car and put the key in the ignition, then turned it one till the radio came to life. It only took him a moment to tune in one of the Top 40 channels. The radio began blaring out “Mickey” a song that would normally have Tracy dancing in the seat. But Troy just leaned back and shut his eyes.

A few moments later the radio had moved onto Man-eater. Maggie opened up the back seat of the car and put a bag in, then she shut the door and got in the drivers seat. “Well, Kiddo, let's get you taken care of.”

~o~O~o~

Troy lay on his back, eyes shut, while his mother was busy checking out the same spot on the wall she had been staring at for more then a few minutes now. The white gown that Troy had on was pulled up to his waist and the doctor was busy making one last inspection of his surgery site.

Well.” The Doctor said as she pulled his gown back to cover him up. “It looks like someone was good while they visited friends.”

“Yes.” He said with a nod. He slowly sat up as Maggie turned to face the Doctor.

“Well, I think we can raise the restriction.” She said. His smile started to come back, but she held up one gloved finger. “But not remove it.”

“What do you mean?” He asked.

She went to the counter and pulled off her gloves, then tossed then in a trashcan. As she began washing her hands, she spoke up. “I will lift the weight limit to twenty pounds for the next month. At the end of that, I want to see you one last time and we may lift it all together. But until then, you will take it easy and no sports of any kind. Understand?”

“Yes.” He nodded, giving her a slight smile.

“Good. But the usual things apply. If it hurts, stop. If it hurts bad, come and see me, okay?” This time she looked at Maggie who nodded. "You also don't need to use the bandages anymore. There was no blood and it looked quite healed to me."

“After the last time.....” Maggie started to say.

"I totally understand. Better safe than sorry." Doctor Davis said as she dried off her hands, then grabbed at a clipboard with two leaflets on it and went to the chair she had been sitting on. “Good. Now there is one last thing that I need to discuss today, with both of you.”

“Nothing bad is it?” Maggie asked.

“Not really. But with his current state, it's something that needs to be covered.” Doctor Davis looked at Troy and smiled. “Have you had sex education in school yet?”

Troy shook his head. “No. I heard that was for the eighth grade.”

“Seventh.” Maggie corrected. She looked to the Doctor. “Our other boy took it earlier this year.”

“Ah. I see. Troy, do you know anything about sex?”

Troy shrugged. “A little. I heard stuff from people at school and We....” He looked at his mother for a moment, then turned to not let her see his face. “We kinda found my Dad's books and magazines.”

“We've kinda put off the talk for Troy for a while. We've both been busy with work.....” Maggie said, lowering her gaze as though she was in trouble. “And don't get me started on how William gave Vance the talk.”

“Well, I'm not going to give you 'the talk.'” The doctor made the air quotes, then she took the two pamphlets and handed them to Troy. “That is your parents job. What I want to talk to you about is hormones. I got these from a couple of my colleagues and I figured with your....special situation, it would be best to show you both sides of this.”

“What do you mean?” Troy asked as he took the pamphlets. One was blue, with a picture of a young boy on it, the other one was pink, with a young girl on it. Both had the same title. “Puberty and you.”

She rolled her chair a bit closer to Troy. “Well I recall you wanting to be a girl. So I figured that you should hear what both girls and boys go through.” She watched as Troy flipped open the girls pamphlet and his face turned a bright red. He looked up her with huge eyes. He began to close the pamphlet and she stopped his hand. “Stop. There is nothing wrong with looking at that. You need to understand a few things so we know how to proceed.”

He didn't re-open the pamphlet, but she continued. “Hormones are what makes us....well us. You have a brother, right?”

“Yeah.” Troy nodded. “Vance.”

“Has he changed any in the past couple years? His voice maybe?” The Doctor asked.

Troy bounced in place and pointed at her. Making fun of Vance and his voice had become a bit of a hobby for Troy, but only when Vance wasn't around. “Yeah! His voice sounds funny at times. Like when he sings, it used to sound good, now it sounds like a cat is being stepped on.” Maggie began to snicker and the Doctor bit her lower lip for a second to fight the urge to join when Troy tired to imitate his brother.

The Doctor held up a hand and Troy stopped, a huge smile on his face. “How about hair on the face. Does he have any facial hair?”

Troy nodded. “A little. It looks like a small caterpillar is sleeping under his nose.” Maggie began laughing harder. The doctor had to turn away for a moment to clam herself.

Once The Doctor was sure they were both back to normal, she began the questions again. “What about your father? Does he have any facial hair?”

“No...well not normally. I mean in the morning, before he goes to work he doesn't, but when he gets home, his face is all scruffy.” Troy replied.

“Baby, that's a five o'clock shadow.” Maggie said. “He shaves in the morning before he goes to work.”

“Oh.”

“Troy? The facial hair and your brother's changing voice, that's testosterone. It's the male hormone.” The Doctor gently reached over and opened up the blue pamphlet. “It's made here.” She pointed to a picture and his cheeks went red again.

He looked away from her and the picture. “But I thought mine was destroyed.”

She nodded. “It was. Bare with me and we'll get to the point in a bit.”

“Okay.” He replied.

“Now, these friends of yours down south, are they all girls?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“Have you noticed how they are changing too? Their chests are getting bigger and their hips are getting wider?”

“I only met some of them a week or two ago.” Troy replied. He kept quiet on how he had seen Brooke naked.

“Ah. How about girls at school. Have you seen it there?”

Troy nodded. “Yeah.”

“Those changes are caused by Estrogen. Now I've simplified this. I could have gotten into all of the scientific stuff, but I don't want you confused.” She said. She leaned forward and held up a finger. “But keep in mind, that all men have estrogen and all women have some testosterone too.”

“Is that why.....” Troy's cheeks went a bright red again. “Why some guys look like they have boobies? I've got an Uncle who has big boobs.” He held out his hands in front of his chest to show how big they were. “They jiggle when he runs and stuff. Dad keeps joking that he needs a bra.”

Maggie began snickering again. She put her hand over her mouth and fought the urge to brust into laughter. Doctor Davis wiggled her hand in a kinda motion as she fought the urge to join in with laughter. “Some times that could be the reason. Other times it could be severe weight gain.”

“Oh.”

“Now, all women have testosterone too. I have it, so does your mother.” The Doctor stated. “It helps with muscle growth and bone strength.”

Troy did, as all kids do. He put all the information together and looked at the Doctor, a bit confused. “Is that why some women have facial hair?”

“Some do. Some it's really easy to see, others, not so much.”

Troy turned as began looking at his mother, very closely. She raised one eyebrow and pointed at him. “You say anything and I tickle you till you pee your pants, understood?”

He quickly looked back at the doctor. “Now the reason I brought this up was because of your accident. You don't have testes anymore, so no testosterone.”

“But I don't want to be a boy.” Troy replied.

“I know, but to be able to give you Estrogen, I would need the approval of a licensed therapist.” Doctor Davis said. “You have seen the one in Chico, right?”

Before Troy could answer, Maggie spoke up. “We went once, but neither of us were impressed by her, so I found a new one to take Tracy to.”

“Okay. Well, to get anything other then testosterone, we'll need his approval. I can hold off on any shots for a while, but you were getting to the point where you will need hormones. It's a part of growing up.”

“So we can wait then? For a few months, maybe?” Maggie asked.

“For now.” Doctor Davis looked at Troy, then Maggie. “Do either of you have any questions?”

Troy shook his head. Maggie shook her head, but answered. “If he has more questions on the hormones, I'll answer them, if I can't we'll give you a call.”

“Sounds good.” Doctor Davis stood up. “Well there is nothing more, I will let the youngster get dressed. I'll let the receptionist know and you can make an appointment on the way out.”

“Thank you.” Maggie said.

“No problem.” Doctor Davis smiled at Troy. “You take it easy and I'll see you soon.”

“Okay.” Troy answered, then he watched her leave.

Once the door shut, Maggie looked at Troy and smiled. “Well that went well.”

“I guess.” He replied, still a bit embarrassed at the turn of topics.

“Hey, you can start cooking again.” Maggie reminded him.

“Yeah.” He smiled at her.

“How would you like to go to Sacramento with me?”

“As Troy?” The smile faded.

“No silly. I was wondering if my daughter would like to go to Arden Fair Mall with me? They got some after Christmas sales going on today.” Maggie replied. “We can leave straight from here and hit the highway.”

“But my clothes are at home.” Troy said.

“Not all of them.” Maggie grabbed the leather bag she had put in the car and opened it up to show him the clothes he had been wearing earlier that morning. His eyes lit up and his smile returned in force. “Now you can either change in here, or the car.”

“In here? But what about people in the lobby?” He asked.

“Well, not in here, but in the building. You had wondered why I parked in the back?” Maggie asked. Then she handed the bag to him and stood up. “I parked back there because the back lot is usually just the doctors and there is almost no one out there.”

“So I can go straight to the car?” He asked as his mind worked out what she had planned. “But what about the lobby?” Maggie knew it was a justifiable fear. The building there were in was a large building filled with many different types of doctors. Each had their own lobbies, but the main bathrooms were in the halls that connected everything together.

“Simple. You put on the panties, shirt, bra and padding in here. Put on your coat to cover the blouse. Then put Troy's pants on along with his shoes. We stop at the bathroom and you switch the pants for a skirt and you can change your shoes and socks in the car.” She cocked her head to the side. “Sound like a plan?”

“Yeah!” He began pulling out the clothes as she headed to the door.

“I'll go set up the appointment and I'll meet you at the front desk, okay? Then on the way out of town, we'll grab some Burger King in the drive thru.”

“Cool.”

~o~O~o~

Maggie had decided that “the talk” had been put off long enough and with her daughter's budding feelings for Peter, plus her having seen one, or more, of her friends naked and was now questioning herself, it was well over-due. Her mother sighed as she summoned her courage to bring up sex. The one advantage she had was Tracy was a captive audience, so she tempted fate. She tapped her fingers on the steering-wheel and gave a quick glace at her daughter, then she looked back to the road. “Tracy, I'd like to talk with you, okay?”

Tracy raised an eyebrow, wondering what she could want to talk about. “What about?”

“I want to talk about sex.” Maggie blurted it out, hoping that the fast it was over, the better they'd both feel.

“Do we have to?” Tracy whined.

“Well, I could leave this talk to your father.” Maggie looked at her daughter for another moment, then back at the road. “But he only knows about the boy side of sex.” She sighed and when she spoke again, her voice was a grumble. “Plus his idea of the talk was to just let your brother read those magazines. You really want to talk to your father about sex?”

Tracy shook her head. “No.”

Maggie nodded and put a hand on her daughter's knee. “Baby, I know it's a bit embarrassing, but you need this. Between you and your brother, you need the talk more, because your coming at this from the middle. You have a girls spirit, but a boy's body.” Tracy blushed hard. Maggie continued. “I know you know about sex. I know those books of your fathers keep getting moved and I'm sure you've read some of them. So how much do you know?”

“Well, some.” The young girl replied.

“Do you understand the basics?” Maggie asked. “Like that's where babies come from?” Maggie waited as Tracy nodded.

“A man and a women have....you know...” Tracy could see her mother look over.

“Sex?” She asked.

“Yes.” Tracy began to examine her shoes.

“Tracy, it's just you and me in this car. Trust me, I'm as embarrassed as you are. But we need to have this talk.”

“I know....it's just....” Tracy looked up for a moment, then back at her shoes. “I'm embarrassed.”

“You're not alone sweetie.” Maggie replied. “But it's your body. You need to know about your body, not bury your head in the sand and think there is nothing there. Plus there is nothing wrong about sex. Some people will tell you it is a dirty act, but it can be the most beautiful thing you ever do.”

Tracy kept her gaze on her shoes. “It can?” She bit her lip and recalled some of the dreams she had about Peter.

“It can.” Maggie nodded. “You need to understand right now, sex can be used many ways, okay?”

“What do you mean?” Tracy asked.

Maggie began to blush a little. “Well there's what couples do. It brings the couple closer.”

“Like you and Dad?” Tracy couldn't look at her mother as she asked it. She had the basics of sex from books that her father had stashed in his bedroom. Vance had showed them to her a couple years earlier, after their father had showed then to her older brother. She had a hard time picturing her parent's doing any of the things she had read or seen. As far as she was concerned, her parent's didn't have those parts.

“Yes, exactly like that.” Maggie replied. “There's also people who do it for money, or other things like that.”

“Why...why do people have sex for money?” Tracy arched an eyebrow. It was a question that she had pondered before, but never had the nerve to ask.

Maggie sighed. “It's one of the oldest professions in the world. It's called prostitution. The people that do it, and it's not just women, do it for a number of reasons.”

Tracy looked to her mother. “Like what?”

The question made Maggie pause for a moment. She didn't know any hookers, not that she knew of, at least. “Money would be the biggest reason. Some do it to get money for drugs.....and remember what we've always told you, drugs you don't get from the doctor, or the drugstore are bad, understand?”

“Yes Mama.” Tracy replied. “But then why do people do drugs?”

“Because they get addicted. Once they had it once, it's hard to stop.” Maggie thought about it for a moment and nodded. “Do you like chocolate?”

“Yeah, you know I do.” Tracy nodded.

“And you know how hard it is to stop eating candy bars?” She watched Tracy nod again. “Being addicted is a lot like that. It gets to the point where you can't function without the stuff.”

“So people have sex to buy drugs?” Tracy surmised.

“Not all people. Some hookers may save it, but I don't know any that I can ask.” Maggie smiled. “Some of them are even addicted to sex, so they do that to help themselves out.”

“Really?” Tracy blinked a couple of times.

“Yes. Sex is a drug to some people and they can't get enough.”

“Really?” Tracy raised an eyebrow. “Like those women in the magazines?”

“Some of them do that for the money.” Maggie said.

“Oh.”

“There is another aspect of sex. I don't want to bring it up, but given the past, I feel it would be stupid not to.” Maggie pulled off the road and put the car into park. She turned to face her daughter better. As her mother spoke, Tracy began to look at her lap. “Some people use sex to hurt others. That's rape.”

“Like what Bruce tried to do?” Tracy guessed. Maggie reached out and touched her daughters hand.

“Yes, just like that.” Maggie nodded. “Something so beautiful and good, should never be a weapon. And that's why I think it hurts so much.”

“What do you mean?” Tracy asked.

Maggie undid her seat belt and slid over slightly and held her girl. “You know right from wrong and your body knows what it likes. So when someone forces you to have sex, they are taking something that you should like, something that should be cherished and twisting it into something evil.”

Maggie let go of her daughter, then took one of Tracy's hands in her and placed them over Tracy's heart. “Remember this, Sweetie.” She lifted Tracy's head up so the girl was looking right in her eyes. “This is your body. Only you can choose who you want to touch you. If others make you have someone touch yourself, then it's not your choice. And if you don't want to do it, then don’t.”

“What Bruce did was wrong. He didn't get far, but he took a part of you away that you'll never get back. He took away a piece of innocence that was yours to give away, when you wanted and to the right person.” Maggie watched as Tracy did her best not to cry. She let go of her daughters hand and pulled her into a hug.

The two women began to cry. Mother held daughter as the demon from a month earlier loomed over them again. After a few moments, Maggie gently kissed her daughters forehead then leg go of her. “I'm sorry I brought up the past, but....”

“I think I understand.” Tracy cut in. She bit her lower lip for a moment, then looked up at her mother. “I know how it felt, so the next time I feel that, I know to run away?”

“Yes.” Maggie nodded. She patted Tracy's hand. “It could be anyone who makes you feel like that. Baby, sex should always be consensual.”

Tracy sat there for a moment and scrunched up her nose as she tired to understand what her mother had said. “What does that mean?”

“It means that you give your consent. It means you want it.” Maggie said.

“Oh.” Tracy sat back in her seat. “So, if I don't want it, then it's non-consensual, even if they do?”

“Correct.” Maggie nodded. She put the car back in gear and pulled back onto the small two lane highway.

“So if Peter and I....”

“No.” Maggie cut her off, holding up one finger, but she had a smile on her lips. “Remember what I said the other day?”

“No.” Tracy replied.

“I said that eleven is a bit young for sex.” Maggie stated. “You better not even think about sex until you're old enough.”

“How old is that?” Tracy asked.

With out blinking or any hesitation, Maggie replied. “Thirty.”

“Moooom.” Tracy whined at her.

“Kidding.” Maggie smiled at her. “Eighteen is the legal limit. Anything under that and you can get into major trouble. That's called statutory rape. It means that at least one of you is under the age of consent, which is eighteen. So if you were to find a younger guy and you're eighteen, you can get arrested.”

Tracy thought about that for a moment and shook her head as things were getting confusing. “Wait...how is that different from regular rape?”

“You can both consent to it, but if one of you were under eighteen, then the older one can go to jail, if the parent's were to press charges.” Maggie looked at her daughter with a no nonsense glare. “And trust me, I will press charges if you're the younger one.”

Tracy looked to the floorboard as he mother looked back to the road. “Baby, there is no reason to rush into sex. It is honestly something left till you get older.” She put a hand on her daughters knee. “But can I ask a few questions?”

“I guess.” Tracy shrugged her shoulders.

“Have you ever touched yourself....down there?”

“MOOOOOMMMMM!” Tracy turned a bright red and stared at her mother in shock.

“Oh please, if you touched yourself, then your like everyone else.” Maggie stated, rolling her eyes as she said it. “Despite what people say, it's normal. So, have you?” When her daughter was quiet for a moment, she looked over and sighed. “Tracy, I don't like this any more then you, but it's a talk we should have had already. Plus the sooner it's done with, the less you have to hear it. And if you keep talking, I'll take you out to a nice restaurant tonight for dinner.” She waited a moment or two and re-asked her question. “So have you touched yourself down there?”

Tracy blushed and nodded. “Yes.” She said timidly.

“And did it feel good?”

Tracy sat there for a moment and shook her head. She wanted the subject to be over with, but they still had another forty minutes in the car and there was no escape. Plus she knew her mother would start the topic again on the way home, so she reluctantly answered. “Not really. I mean I did it, but I hated the fact that it was on my body, so I tried to imagine it wasn't that, but a girl's part that I was rubbing.”

“I see.” Maggie felt her own cheeks get red. “Have you ever had times where it got hard on it's own?”

"MOOOM!"

"Baby, you're not the onely one with a working body." Maggie said. "So?"

Tracy nodded. “The other day, when Peter came over.”

“I know.” Maggie stated.

Tracy's head whipped to her mother and her jaw dropped open. “What? How?”

“It was kinda showing when you came into the kitchen.” Maggie replied nervously. She hated this as much as Tracy, but as far as she could recall, she had seen a bulge there, and people finding out about Tracy stayed at the front of her mind. “Baby, you got to watch that. If you had been in public, you could be discovered.”

“Oh.” Tracy slumped her shoulders.

“It's not your fault, but if you're going to dress like a girl and don't want people to know what lies beneath your clothes, you have to keep that hidden.”

Tracy nodded. There was logic in that statement, no matter how weird it felt that her mother had said it. “Okay Mama.”

There was one more thing on her mind. The talk she had with her daughter a couple days before had raised a question. She had seen something in Tracy's eyes at one point, but she wanted to wait till after the holidays to ask about it. “Tracy, what did you really think about Brooke?” Maggie looked over at her daughter. “When she stripped in front of you, did you enjoy it?”

Tracy looked away and Maggie could see in the reflection of daughters embarrassed facial features. “I...” Tracy was quiet for a moment, then she looked to her mother, then her feet. “I couldn't stop peeking at her. There was just something....I don't know. But I kept looking.”

“It's okay baby.” Maggie said. “There are women who love women, then there are people who love both sexes.”

“Really?” Tracy asked.

“Really.” Maggie nodded. “Did you get excited with her too?”

Tracy kept looking at her feet and blushed again. “Yes.” She replied, in a voice no louder then a whisper.

“Did you do anything with her?” Maggie asked.

“MOOOOOM!” Tracy's head snapped to face her mother. “NO! Nothing happened!”

“Baby, I'm your mother. I don't mean to Pry, but I need to keep you safe.” Maggie stated.

“Nothing happened. She held me, but nothing happened.”

Maggie was silent for a moment as they merged from one highway to another. Then she looked at Tracy for a moment before looking at the road. She had about thirty more minutes before they hit the mall and she wanted to let Tracy relax there.

“Did you want anything to happen?” Maggie finally asked. “I know you said you had thoughts about Peter, have you had them about your other friends?”

“I don't know.” Tracy replied. “I mean I couldn't help but look at Brooke, but I didn't feel anything for Rachel, Sage, Casey or Stacey. And I had the chance with Sage. I was in the bathroom talking to her at Stacey's house while she showered.”

“That could mean a few things, but maybe you're still finding yourself.” Maggie said. “You don't have to push yourself into a relationship.”

“No?” Tracy looked up at her.

“Baby, you're only eleven. Twelve this coming July. There is not rule that you have to be in a committed relationship. So just promise me that you'll take it easy.”

“I will.” Tracy replied.

“And if you ever have questions, be it about your body, sex, or your feelings for people, please, don't hesitate to ask me.”

~o~O~o~

The drive to Sacramento had quickly became an awkward trip. It had even got worse when her mother decided to tell her about the monthly visitor that women get. Tracy had turned many shades of red in the car and was extremely relieved to see the mall parking lot. But Tracy was now safe in the confines of the Mall. Her mother had agreed to end the sex talk as they had entered the mall parking lot, and decided to treat her daughter to a special dinner at local Italian restaurant for being subjected to the talk.

Tracy followed her mother around the mall, enjoying the time alone with her mother, despite how busy the mall seemed to be. They had gone to several clothing stores so far and were on their way out of a shoe store when Maggie went to a bench near the center of the mall. Tracy was hoping to get her mother into the music store so she could buy a few new tapes.

“Let's see. Music store, then what?” Maggie asked. “The jewelry store?”

Tracy looked around. It wasn't a fancy store, like her Dad and Mom would shop at, but one aimed towards girls her age. “Please?”

“We can do that.” Maggie said as she got back up, grabbing her bags.

"Do you still want to hear teh music before I can buy it though?" Tracy asked.

"Well, we did have some of it on while we were driving, right? I mean what are you looking for today?"

"I don't know. Anything that seems cool." Tracy replied with a shrug.

Maggie nodded and recalled her time as a kid and running down to the store to buy Elvis records. "Do the Go-go's have anything new out?"

"No. You got me their newest album for Christmas." Tracy replied. "And the Billy Idol one too."

"What about Country music? Do you still listen to that?"

"Sometimes." Tracy smiled at her. "I liked that Elvira song from last year."

Maggie nodded. "That was pretty catchy." She agreed.

~o~O~o~

Neither Maggie, or her daughter were aware that they were being watched. From across the way, a camera with a telephoto lens was keeping track of the two women, as it had for a little while now. It had been a stroke of luck that he had found them there. He had almost missed them, till he saw Maggie. It wasn't his intention to follow them today. It had been a stroke of luck that he had even seen them there at all. Going to the mall wasn't at the top of his to-do list, but it beat hanging out at his Aunt's house.

He had risked detection a couple of times as he got close. He needed to make sure the girl he saw was who he thought it was. He had also risked losing sight of them when he ran back to his Aunt's house, who lived nearby, to get his Uncle's Single Lens Reflex camera so he could have proof. With proof, it would be hard for anyone to deny it. He went back to the store he had seen then at and found they were gone. The stalker didn't give up. He found them a few minutes later, while hanging out near the stores he had last seen them at.

He had caught the two women coming out of a bathroom, talking about Maggie's son, Vance. He had heard the girl, who Maggie called Tracy, called him brother. The pieces fell into place and their stalker could see a resemblance in the eyes to Troy, plus the slow, pain-filled walk that the girl had cinched the deal. Now Clark just wanted the pictures to prove to the rest of the school that his brother, Bruce, was right. Troy was a dress wearing fag.

The s*** has now hit the fan.