I am not imagining things. To be honest, I was slightly concerned after my mothers stunt last night that perhaps I'm merely seeing what I want to see. That my own measuring is the measuring that's wrong. That she was correct in measuring my loose flab as waist - loosely.

But this morning at work, my boss was all like, "So now you've lost all that weight, when are you gunna start bulking up?" Several other comments, and then, the bombshell: "You're starting to get a bit of a girlish figure." Damn. That felt good. Scary too though.

While I was taking that in, I'd fallen silent, and she was like, what's wrong, you suddenly got silent. Since we were in front of EVERYONE at this time, I just sort of brushed it off with something non-committal. But internally, I was fighting a bit of a battle.

I had not yet laid any plans at all for coming out at work. None. I knew it was an eventuality, but I felt they should come after religion and family. But my boss had noticed something my own mother continues to refuse to.

So the battle was thus: should I, or should I not tell my boss. And in what manner should I approach this.

At first, I was kind of half-pacing near her office door, going back and forth on talking to her directly, which just did not feel right for some reason. Eventually, someone else came and went in and started having a meeting with her, which precluded that avenue. Then I got my whisper of guidance that I depend so heavily on in my life.

I was prompted to write her a note on a folded sheet of paper towel. I had no clue what I was going to write. None at all, but as I got a pen in my hand, and made a space to write, the words just flowed onto the sheet. I completely filled an entire side of an entire sheet of paper towel. I essentially just covered the basics, that I've been suppressing something for most of my life and that it had caused me cyclic depression, and that I was now facing my demons, and came out to her. I told her I was transgender, though I did not tell her anything about what it means. I stated concern for my position at the complex, and asked for her acceptance of the real me. I signed it with my new name.

I then folded it four ways, and wrote "For *name*, Drew" on one side. I went into her office and slipped her the note, quietly said read it when you can, she said thank you, and I went back to work.

Most of the rest of the day, nothing happened at all, it just sat under her coffee mug. After she came back from her lunch break, though, I saw her reading it. A little while later, I saw her glance my way, then I saw her carefully crumple up the sheet and throw it away. I have not heard anything from her yet.

I'm hoping that no news is, indeed, good news in this case.

Still though, if my boss is starting to notice, who else might be and are just holding their tongue? I'm still a hairy ape, though it's much much less than it once was. I have too many changes to make before I can start really presenting female, and it's scary to think that I might not have as much control over the flow of dissemination of awareness of my status as I would like.

Today, my new bra's came in my new band size. It's amazing how much nicer it is to wear a bra that fits again. I noticed something though, while trying them on - my bust is more prominent, again.

Funny thing is, when I measured it after that observation, it was actually only 37", just shy. My under the bust remains 32", and, most curious of all - my over the bust went down to 35" from 36". Yet my bust appeared more prominent. Then I noticed it. According to everything that I've read and studied, this should be impossible - my shoulders narrowed.

I -KNOW- that shouldn't happen, so I measured at least a dozen times, and every single time it came back the same. I've lost an inch in my shoulders. It wasn't a loss of muscle mass, if anything, the muscles there are even more apparent now.

It shouldn't be possible. But it sure as I breath air and drink water happened.

I think I need to see a urologist,

Abigail Drew.