I just took a good look at myself in the mirror this morning in women's underclothing, with very light padding in my bra (the sort that instead of really adding any bust, it helps to firm up the existing)...
Ignoring everything but the figure itself, I look just like a cute, fit, high school girl.
Of course, I still have a beard and too much body hair to be a girl. There's also junior ruining the image... Really damned incredible, though, that I hadn't really noticed this happening until recently.
I'm still changing, I doubt that the body shape will change too much more though. Where my body hair and boobs wind up, who knows. I'm already happy enough that I don't have to use hair removal products to keep from looking like a gorilla anymore.
My skin where the old fat deposits used to be is still loose and flabby, I imagine over time they'll tighten up. The skin where the new fat deposits have developed is extremely tight, I imagine over time that'll become more natural as well.
And you know what? I've been masculinely fit before, and I didn't have anywhere near the same energy levels or endurance that I seem to now. If it takes looking a bit like a girl to feel this healthy, then damn it, I definitely don't mind at all. I suppose most guys would, but I'm not most guys, I'm a non-gender.
I fought against myself for a long time to try to be more "male", it took until this year for me to truly accept that's just not gunna happen and me be happy. I don't have an overwhelming need to be female either, though, so I imagine suicidal thoughts would never have entered the equation even had I continued trying to deny myself.
So living as an effeminate guy, seems to be the way the rest of my life will be.
And no, I'm not gay either, though as an asexual a lot of people are probably going to think I am.
Comments
Who's the cute teenage girl in that mirror?
Sounds as if you are happy, Remember that you have friends here who accept you as you are.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
I suspect,
that you're somewhere close to me on the gender spectrum. I've always thought of myself as something of an 'inbetweenie' and the sex drive was always low, despite having fathered two children. I'll never pass as a teenager now though, I'm coming up to 66 in February 2012.
Happy times Slicer.
XZXX.
Beverly.
PS. I'm the one in the middle trying to look like a teenager. It's a hell of a laugh but huge fun.
inbetweenie
You're likely a little more towards the female side of the spectrum than I am, since you felt a need to go the SRS/Transgender route.
I'm still not entirely sure one way or the other if I would ever have sought this metamorphosis out, I am positive I don't mind it, a little concerned how my parents might react when I stop hiding it, but that's for later.
Chasteberry fruit extract really does make me feel incredible. And I know the only real reason it'd do that is because of the way it behaves like a progestin. I imagine the seriously excessive amounts of DHT I was producing to cause me my hirsutism and the beginnings of early male-pattern hair loss probably couldn't have helped my mood or energy levels either, so taking Saw Palmetto for the hair loss is probably helping me feel this good too. Dunno if the soy in my diet is part of what's making me feel so healthy or not, but I'm not going to cut back on the soy now anyways. ;)
Abigail Drew.
being yourself
even among trans people the need to categorize people is a strong one. But as long as you are happy with the person you see, who cares about anybody else?
Dorothycolleen
the person you see
Interesting thing is, when I started keeping track of the metamorphosis, taking my measurements, I never actually once stood in front of a mirror and just LOOKED at myself until this morning. I knew what the numbers I was recording meant, intellectually, but I never actually paused to take in the whole picture, as it were.
But no, I really don't mind what I see. Would I have sought it out, even after having accepted myself as not being like most other guys? Maybe... But I didn't really have to, it found me. Will I someday feel a need to seek SRS to make me appear fully what I appear partially like now? That'd be a most probably no. Because of my religion, I'd have to be absolutely certain that I was supposed to be female all along for me to make that choice, and that certainty just isn't there.
Something I've begun noticing recently is that I'm walking with a slight hip sway now unless I mentally force myself not to, and to walk more robotically. What's funny, is I always used to walk robotically without thinking about it, I've never had a normal male swagger. So whether the feminine gait was my natural one to begin with and at some point when I was too young to consciously remember I learned at a subconscious level to walk robotically as a defense mechanism, or if having hips makes for automatic hip sway because of the changed balance, I don't really know.
I do know I've always had absolute perfect balance. Comes from my crazy sensitive ears. It literally gives me a migraine to ride in a car where the windows on only one side of the vehicle are open. I can also detect very very minute differences in sounds... Reproducing what I hear is another matter, never quite could learn that skill.
Abigail Drew.