Kate, Part 4 Tales of Family and Friendship By Ricky

Sunday dawned bright and clear, but I had to take that on faith since Steph and I slept through it. We awoke rested and happy that morning. Only the sounds of Tom and the kids kept us from staying in bed and enjoying each other for a little while longer.

Having other people in the house complicates life for a crossdresser. The bathroom is down the hall from our bedroom, so I had to leave my sleeping bra and nightgown on as I made for the shower instead of running unclothed down the hall as I usually did. I covered the distance to the bathroom as quickly as I could and then removed the bra. As I showered some lines from Robert Burns went through my mind: "Oh, would some power the gift give us / to see ourselves as others see us! / It would from many a blunder free us."

I just hoped I wasn't making a blunder in embracing life as Kate.

Showered and (hallelujah for electrolysis!) unshaved, returned to the bedroom and took the first bra I found from the drawer. It was powder blue, so I let that dictate my outfit for the day - a T-shirt with a blue rose and a blue checked skirt with a country sort of flavor to it. As I put on a pair of white sneakers, I paused to wonder what my mother would have thought of her daughter wearing sneakers with a skirt. You see it all the time these days, but she would have been scandalized. Then again, she would have been scandalized to see me wearing a skirt.

Breakfast was waiting when we were dressed, with Tony at the waffle iron and Julia putting the finishing touches on a fruit salad. Tom was reading the paper with a steaming cup of coffee close to hand.

"Very nice!" commented Stephanie. "Do you hire out by the week? I could get used to having breakfast waiting when I wake up."

"We're cheaper by the month and we guarantee to beat any price Aunt Lucy's catering offers by 10%," announced Tony.

"Who's talking about money? I was thinking along the lines of slave labor."

"OK, 20% discount for family but not a penny less," countered Julia

"Tom, you're raising a couple of robber barons."

"Hey, I'm their agent and get 10%. You think I'm going to let them cut their prices too much?"

"Sorry to break it to you, Daddy," Julia replied, "but you're fired. We do our own negotiating now. Ten percent? Highway robbery!"

"Hey, Aunt Kate, you want to make us an offer? You're not a cheapskate like Aunt Steph, are you?" Tony asked.

"No comment! Besides, we're going on vacation."

"We'll come with you; there's enough room in that house on wheels you bought," Tony offered.

"We love camping!" Julia enthused.

"We'd even do the dishes and walk the dog for you," Tony offered.

"We don't have a dog."

"You could get one and then we could walk him."

"Do you do windows?

"And Mac and Unix and I'm learning C#," boasted Tony.

"Huh?" Stephanie was confused.

"That's a computer joke, Sis." answered Tom. "We're too old to understand computers. Children, give your aunts a break and let them eat breakfast before you whipsaw them with your snappy repartee."

"Snappy repartee, brother?" You trying to take over from Kate as the English professor?"

"Just displaying my erudition, dear sister."

"Please, I don't want to lose this marvelous breakfast." In one of those moments of lightning unspoken communication, Steph raised her eyebrows at me and I shrugged back indicating my assent. "Are you two serious about coming with us or are you just giving us grief?" she asked.

It was Tony and Julia's turn for some unspoken communication and the result was clear. Julia acted as the spokesperson. "We'd love to go if it's all right with you both. We really would help out and wouldn't get in the way. It's been a long time since we got to see you, Aunt Steph."

"Not to be gauche, guys, but are you going to be comfortable living in a trailer with me? My illusion of femininity won't hold up in such close quarters," I pointed out. Robert Burns be damned!

"It couldn't be any worse than seeing my sister in the morning," cracked Tony.

"You are what you are, Aunt Kate. It won't bother me," Julia replied. "Besides, after my dear brother's smelly sweat socks, nothing could shock me."

"Do I get a vote in this?" queried Tom.

"Oh Dad!" they said in unison.

"I'm not going to worry too much about it, but I think your mother is going to have some rather strong objections to this plan."

The mood shifted very quickly. We had all pretty much ignored Deb's existence since she stormed out. It was time to go back to reality after the holiday weekend.

"Have you heard from Mom? Julia asked.

"No, I haven't. I don't know where she is right now. I tried calling home but nobody answers."

"What are you going to do?"

"Talk to her when she comes back. Try to see if we can get some help. We obviously aren't doing too well on our own. I'm sorry that you guys have to go through all this, I don't want to hurt you. I want you both to remember that this is our problem; you didn't cause it and you can't cure it. I don't want you feeling guilty about our problems."

"I love you, Daddy." Julia gave her father a kiss. "Even my big lunk of a brother loves you, but he's too slow to say it."

"Thanks, Julia," Tony deadpanned. "I love you too."

"I'll bet. Daddy, even if you and Mom don't make it, we'll still love you both. Don't you feel guilty if you can't be the person Mom needs. You're cool the way you are."

"Maybe you should take up Social Work in college, Julia. You sound like a therapist already."

"You pay me a hundred bucks an hour and I'll give you all the advice you need, Pops. Worth every penny, too."

"Looks like it's a good thing you're going off with your aunts; I can't afford to keep you around the house at those rates."

"You mean we can go?"

"If my sister is crazy enough to put up with you, then I'll handle your mother when she finds out."

"Can we go with you, Aunt Steph? Please?" they begged.

Steph cast another inquiring glance at me before she answered.

"What the heck?" I mused out loud. "I wouldn't mind not having to wash dishes for a couple of weeks. You're in, guys. You just have to be quick about packing, because we want to have camp set up before dark."

---

Getting ready for the vacation had taken a lot more than I had reckoned. In the past I had thrown a suitcase and the camping gear into the car and that was about it. Most campgrounds had laundries, so all I’d needed was a few days’ clothes and a pocket full of quarters. I could last indefinitely while hanging out and communing with the woods.

Over the years I added some new equipment, like the platform air mattress that folded up into a package no bigger than the tent. Getting up from the ground wasn't quite as easy as it once was and I appreciated the comfort of the raised bed. At some point I had come to appreciate an electric griddle and coffeemaker over cooking on the campfire from the logs I had chopped from the surrounding woods. As long as there was electricity, one of those new, small heaters was just the thing for a cold night. In other words, I liked my comfort but even these additions left room in the car (or now the pickup) for a passenger and a little bit of elbowroom.

It was different this year. The plan was not so much to commune with nature as to be a tourist with a mobile motel room. When we had gone looking at trailers, closet space had been a major issue, Kate was going to need clothes for restaurants, tourist attractions and maybe the Shaw Festival as well as camping. We finally ended up with one a lot bigger than we had anticipated, but it was spacious enough for everything we wanted. Primitive camping this was not — the queen bed and the air conditioner had been the deciding factors in the one we finally bought.

It didn't take long to pack up and go that morning; Bernie's caterers would take care of the tent and chairs and what cleanup remained, which wasn't much because the festival crowd had been amazingly careful about keeping the place clean. We just had to move the perishables from the house to the fridge in the trailer and lock the door.

Since Deb had taken off with the family car, Tom and the kids rode with us. Although we could all have fit into the club cab of the pickup, Tom and the kids rode in the trailer while with Steph and I were in the pickup cab. There was probably some kind of law saying you couldn't do that, but none of us particularly gave a damn. Besides, the three of them needed some time to themselves to discuss what was going to happen in their family. The bustle of the Pie Festival hadn't allowed any time for serious discussions.

Speaking of which, Steph and I had our own serious discussion as we cruised down the Thruway toward Buffalo, trying to sort out the practicalities of our impetuous decision to take the kids with us. It wasn't like we were planning two weeks of uninhibited lovemaking (we were over that first rush of sex after a long hiatus), but we were a bit wistful about having to be discreet in our activities.

The landscape was conducive to such thoughts. During my time at a small college in rural Pennsylvania, the locals had derisively referred to anyone from outside the area as a 'flatlander.' At the time I had simply accepted the designation without much thought; it was just one of the local peculiarities, of which there were many. It wasn't until I ended up in Brockport that I realized the truth of the matter. The part of Pennsylvania where I had lived was all lush, green valleys; wherever you went there was always a hill of trees in front of you. Up here the land was flat (surprise!); you could see off into the distance. Sure there were little undulations, but we're talking drainage ditches as opposed to thousand foot hills.

With the cruise control set on 70 (5 miles over the limit because in NY they hit you for speeding at 10 miles over), we cruised down a long ribbon of concrete while the engine never once had to strain or downshift to get us up a hill along the Thruway to Buffalo. There were trees and farm fields in profusion and even a vast expanse of sod farm — now that's flat land.

We spent much of the trip thinking of the details of maintaining Kate with close company and that made me wonder why I had agreed to live with two teenagers. While our bedroom had a door, you had to enter it through the small bathroom. With the kids sleeping on the slide out beds in the kitchen area, they were going to see beyond the veil of illusion that was Kate's physical manifestation on an intimate basis. Spiritually, I doubted I would ever be anyone but Kate again, but body and soul were not in complete alignment.

On the other side of the picture, Julia was a fine looking young woman whose charms I could appreciate. My heart may have belonged to Stephanie, but my eyes were working quite well, thank you. Part of me hoped she preferred utilitarian sleepwear, but part of me hoped for sheer fabrics and delightfully obscured details.

I guess my soul wasn't completely female after all. The question was, just how female was it? It was hard to believe that it had only been a few months since becoming Kate full time, but I felt more comfortable and complete than I had ever been in my life. The idea of returning to being Steve was disquieting.

Was I crazy to be contemplating such a great change after such a short time? Again, the desire for real breasts crept into my mind -- to be able to know what a born woman felt when wearing a bra. That would be a blessing.

Blessing? Hadn't used that word in a long time, not since I decided the church was not for me. Hadn't thought much about the soul either, but I was realizing that what passed for my soul was that of a woman. Nothing like upheaval in your life to start you thinking about the divine.

Steph and I kept a companionable silence as the truck ate up the miles. We hadn't been alone and unhurried in some time and it felt good just to let go for a while. At last, Steph broke the silence.

"What have we gotten ourselves into, Kate?"

"Trouble, my dear. The common state and constant affliction of humanity."

"I'm glad you cleared that up. When Deb sends the sheriff to haul us away for child abuse or something, at least I'll know what's happening. Why did we agree to something so crazy?"

"Because you love your family and they're great kids who are about to go through a very traumatic time with their parents. Other than warping their sexuality by living with a man who thinks he's better off as a woman, what could go wrong?"

"Julia could go butch just to balance things out?"

"And Tony will miraculously decide he's a crossdresser so we can all go shopping together at the Mall."

"I hate to break it to you, but there aren't any malls in the park or in Salamanca."

"Darn! Maybe I should turn around so we can stop at that monster mall we just passed."

"No, to get there, you get off at the next exit. To go to hell in a hand basket you keep going straight ahead."

"Aye, captain! Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes, consequences or pissed off mothers!"

Following her directions, we safely reached Tom's home and pulled up in front of a suburban house indistinguishable from all the other suburban houses surrounding it. Flat land and flat architecture — how did people stand living in places like this? Steph and I stayed in the pickup just in case Deb was at home, so we wouldn't be the cause of any problems. I felt almost furtive, although how anyone could be furtive in a club cab pickup dragging a monster trailer behind them was beyond my comprehension. In any case, we cuddled up and listened to the CD player while the air conditioner kept the July heat at bay.

Twenty minutes later, the kids came out of the house with their suitcases and we said our goodbyes to Tom. Following Steph's directions, we headed South on Route 219. There the land began to change as we entered hill country. Steph said they were the Boston Hills, logical because they were around Boston, NY, but she had no idea how they came by the name. Probably some frontiersman longing for baked beans and codfish when he settled the town.

By the time the road changed from expressway to two lane I felt a sense of satisfaction and peace. I hadn't realized how much I had grown to love the hills of Pennsylvania until that moment. It was a beautiful drive through the green, wooded hills and through picturesque little towns. Ellicottville, home to a large ski resort and country club, tried hard to make you think of an Alpine village but even I wouldn't compare these hills to the Alps.

When we got to Salamanca, you couldn't miss the modern, green highway signs directing us to the expressway and the park, but Stephanie told me to ignore them and just keep on driving straight ahead into the old entrance. We wound our way up the hill slowly, in deference to the trailer we were hauling, stopped at the park gate, then continued up the hill.

Living in rural Pennsylvania had given me an appreciation for country life, but the quiet beauty of the old road through the forest was a deeply spiritual experience. The children were silent with awe and Steph moved a little closer on the seat. I felt at one with nature in that place, the sunlight piercing the tops of the trees and dancing off the meadows. Stone bridges and culverts dotted the roadside, built during the depression by the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corps) and still standing unchanged. Oddly, it was the strap of the seatbelt between my breasts that suddenly made me aware of how intensely feminine I felt in this beautiful landscape. Once again, I longed for real breasts, not the poor substitute of the forms I wore.

"Look! A deer!"

Tony's cry broke my reverie and I saw a deer standing by the side of the road. I slowed the pickup so we could watch just as she bounded across the road, followed by two fawns a moment later.

"They're so beautiful!" cried Julia.

"Aren't they?" replied Stephanie. "You'll get to see lots of animals while we're here. Too bad most of the raccoons are gone these days; they used to come begging every night and they were so funny."

"What happened?"

"Rabies. A lot of them died off, so you don't see them as much these days. Which reminds me, don't try to touch any of the animals; they're wild and you don't want to have rabies shots."

"That's so sad. Why do things like that have to happen?"

"It's the way life works, honey. The good and the bad come together, so you have to get used to both."

With that bit of philosophy, we crested the final hill and descended into the valley. Driving around the lake, we found the campground and checked in. I backed the camper into position with Steph acting as monback, waving her arms like a runway attendant, then shut off the motor. (The official title for the person directing a backing vehicle is the "monback." They just wave their hands and keep calling, "'C'mon back, c'mon back.")

"Wheet-Whew!" the wolf whistle came through the cab's window. A wolf whistle? For me? Now there's something I had never expected.

"Thank you," I replied. No sense in starting anything; he probably meant well. "You should see me with a semi — piece of cake!"

Yeah, right. I'd never done anything like driving a big truck in my life until I found myself with a trailer, but I wasn't going to tell him that. I got out, being particularly careful of how I did so with the guy watching me. Good thing I had a long, gauzy skirt on, so I didn't have to worry overmuch about what I did with my knees.

I'm not sure what got into me, but as I stood and stretched my body, working the kinks out after a couple of hours driving, I deliberately thrust out my chest as I did so. Our neighbor got a good look at my phony tits. If he only knew! I could tell he appreciated the view and felt the power a woman has over a man for the first time. OK, I shouldn't have enjoyed it so much, but there was a delicious sense of power in flaunting my body.

"Looks like we got some great weather for camping. It always seems to rain when I go on vacation." I told my admirer. "I'm Kate, by the way."

"Charlie. Charlie Graves. The weather report says it won't rain for a while, so you're safe, ma'am."

Safe from what? Not from him, I had the feeling. Especially a woman as strange as me.

"Meeting the neighbors, Kate?" Steph came up behind me and put her arm around my waist in an unmistakable gesture. Poor Charlie about had a kitten when the light went on in his fuzzy little head.

"Charlie, meet my partner, Steph," I replied. Since Charlie seemed to have temporarily lost the capacity for speech, I spoke for him. "This is our neighbor, Charlie. He seems to appreciate someone who can maneuver a long object into a tight space, eh Charlie?"

Nasty, nasty! Maybe Charlie wasn't as dumb as I thought; he got the innuendo right away. I had better control myself, or I would be the one with a problem.

"We better show the kids how to set up the legs on the trailer. Nice meeting you, Charlie."

Taking Steph's hand in mine, we left our bemused neighbor and started setting up camp.

"Damn girl!" Steph exclaimed, "Where'd you learn to be such a troublemaker?"

"From you, lover! What happened to the 'two friends on vacation' scenario?"

"The way he was looking at you made me realize I don't want to spend the summer pretending we aren't in love."

"Good point. What about the kids?"

"If they can handle you as a woman, why can't they handle us as lovers both inside and outside the trailer?"

"Logic — kids don't operate on logic, my love."

"Neither do I, so who cares. Give me a kiss so there's no doubt in anyone's mind."

I complied, then we got to work setting up camp. By the time we'd set up the outdoor kitchen and finished dinner, the light was starting to wane. Too restless to just sit around the camp, we decided to take a walk around the campground and see what was happening.

The first thing we learned was that there were lot of kids with bikes whizzing around the place. The skateboarders were enthusiastically practicing their hobby, we had to look sharp to avoid a collision. It also seemed like every person in the campground had brought a dog with them. We were greeted by a continuing chorus as we strolled along the road. In the recreation area, we found a list of events for the following week — we sure wouldn't lack for things to do while we were here.

"What's an 'Owl Walk', Aunt Steph?" asked Tony.

"You open your eyes wide, flap your arms and walk like this!" Steph started moving with a rolling, bowlegged gait. "Who! Who! Whoooo...."

"I hadda open my big mouth."

"Hey — my second graders think that's a hoot!"

"Ouch! Aunt Kate? Any chance we can leave her at those Bear Caves on Tuesday when they have the hike?"

"Sorry, I don't get bare in public these days, Tony."

"Jeez. I won't even ask about the Beaver Walk, then."

"Yeah, let's try that one, Aunt Steph!" Julia challenged.

"Dam-ed if I will, children!"

We went on like that for a while longer, but I will be merciful and not inflict the rest of the conversation on you. We were giggling happily on our way back, thoroughly enjoying ourselves. As we passed one campsite with a great, blazing fire, a beautiful golden retriever came hurtling at us trailing her leash behind her. Before I knew what had happened, I was roped and thrown like a steer at the rodeo. As I lay in the dirt, I felt a soft, wet tongue licking my face.

Something else was wrong; I felt unbalanced even if I was lying down. One of my breast forms was missing! Desperately, I felt around near me, trying to find the errant form as I lay on the road. At last I found it, but it was gritty with the road dust. There was no time to be fussy, I swatted the dirt from it and frantically reached under my blouse as I heard several voices approaching, but the angle was too awkward. Lying on the ground, I couldn't manage to pull my bra away from my chest far enough to get the form back in.

"Lucy! Come here!"

The command came a bit too late; Lucy was already sniffing my breast as I tried to put it back in. With very little choice in the matter, I pulled myself into a sitting position. Although I knew it would be hard to see what was happening in the semi-darkness of the campground it still felt like the desert sun was burning down on me, it's pitiless light revealing every detail of my embarrassment.

I finally got the errant blob of silicone in it's proper place as the earth shook to giant, pounding footsteps. Well OK, they were the normal footsteps of a slim, blonde woman, but my hearing was on hyperdrive at the moment. She had a great deal to say to the dog, but since she said it in a mixture of German and English, I'm unable to reproduce it here. There was, however, no doubt that poor Lucy was in big trouble.

"Hello, puppy!" I gasped. The dog stopped nuzzling my breasts as her owner made her displeasure known. Apologizing profusely, the woman helped me to my feet.

"I'm so sorry! Are you hurt? I'm so sorry!"

"Just my pride, I think," I replied as I vainly tried to brush the dust off my clothes. Despite the scolding, Lucy's tail was still wagging furiously. "Don't be too hard on the poor dog, she was only trying to be friendly."

"Lucy, you are soooooo dead! Sit! Sit!" she commanded. Lucy sat but continued to raise a cloud of dust with her tail as it furiously swept the dirt.

"Oh Lucy, you're in big trouble now!" That last from a large man in a faded flannel shirt despite the warm evening. He had a shock of gray hair, a short mustache and a guitar in his hand.

"Please, I'm perfectly fine. Don't yell at poor Lucy; she just wanted to make friends. Didn't you, Lucy?

"Is that what a rodeo cowboy is trying to do when he hogties a steer? If you weren't human, I think Lucy could have set a new record in calf roping," the man commented.

"I guess I'm just the type to fall for blondes, especially one with a tongue like Lucy's."

"Come over and sit by the fire before you fall over again. This madman I married is Alex and I'm Kristen. I suppose Lucy has already introduced herself."

"Intimately!" I replied. "That's very kind of you, Kristen. I'm Kate and this is my partner, Steph and her niece, Julia and nephew, Tony. This is our first adventure camping together and I suspect it's going to be a memorable experience."

We joined them at their campfire and soon discovered that they lived not to far from us and that Kristen was an art teacher and Alex a carpenter. The others receded into the background as Kristen, Stephanie and I traded war stories about teaching until the kids wandered off to find some more interesting entertainment. Steph and I spent a very enjoyable couple of hours talking and listening to Alex play the guitar. By the time we returned to our campsite, we had made plans to go hiking together the next day.

---

I woke relaxed and refreshed the next morning, but it felt like a field army had been tramping through my mouth all night, leaving indescribable gunk behind as their tiny boots trampled over my tongue. No way I was going to try and kiss Steph until I brushed my teeth. I left the bedroom and stood at the sink scrubbing quietly when I became aware of a quiet giggle in the room.

"Aww waaa saaa fuuwah?" I asked and the giggling was no longer quiet. Damn! You can't expect to converse with a mouth full of toothbrush.

"You're looking rather flat this morning, Aunt Kate. Did your balloons spring a leak overnight?" giggled Julia.

"Child, didn't anyone ever tell that only macho jerks make comments about a woman's breast size?"

"That shows how much you know. We girls talk about it all the time, especially while we were waiting for them to grow in. I started late — for the longest time I thought I would never have any boobs."

"That's funny — neither did I. I have to be content with silicone substitutes, but you can't sleep in them."

"You didn't look so flat yesterday morning."

"Do we really want to have this conversation?"

"Sure! You must have to think about how to look like you have breasts quite a lot."

"Not any more. They feel so natural I only notice when I'm not wearing them. I have foam forms for wearing at night, but last night I didn't bother."

"You always look so nice that it seemed funny to see you without, uh, breasts."

"Nor will anyone outside this trailer. You're family; I don't have to dress up for you. I'm trying to decide if I like being Kate enough to get implants. After what happened last night, I can't help but think how nice it would be to have real breasts of my own."

"What happened last night?"

"Well, at least you didn't notice. That's some consolation." I told her about my errant breast form and her giggles turned to real laughter.

"Jeez — can't a guy get any sleep around here without everyone making so much noise?" Tony said in a sleepy grumble.

"Sorry, little brother. Us girls were just talking about important things, like how nice it is to have breasts. You can go back to sleep, it doesn't concern you."

"Hey — I think having nice breasts is important, too. I just want them on someone else, preferably without a bra between me and them."

"You know," I replied, "up until a few months ago, I was of the same opinion. Things are a bit different now."

"We didn't know you then, but I get the idea, Aunt Kate. If you want boobs so much, then quit talking about it and go ahead and get them."

"Ah, the impetuousness of youth! I wish it were that easy. Well, I suppose the surgery is easy enough; there are a lot of women who have implants these days. It's the consequences afterward that I'm working on."

"Ah, the waffling of old farts!" Tony flipped back. "Anyone can see that you're Aunt Kate, not Uncle… uh…Hey, I don't even know what your name used to be!"

"Steve. Maybe you're right; the name just doesn't fit who I am now. If I'm going to be Kate forever, it isn't so easy. The shrinks have to bless the idea and issue the proper paperwork or I end up an unemployed professor and will have to sponge off your aunt for the rest of my life. Considering what the surgery costs, unemployment isn't such a good idea."

"Have you talked to a psychiatrist about this, Aunt Kate?" asked Julia.

"Not yet. It started out as a lark, but it's gotten serious enough I have an appointment with a gender specialist for an outside perspective before I make such a permanent change in my life."

"Hey! This is getting way too serious!" complained Tony. "We're supposed to be on vacation and having fun, not talking about shrinks and surgery. I like you the way you are, Aunt Kate. Worry about where you're going when we get home, OK?"

"OK, Tony, you have a deal. Let me step into my telephone booth and change into Superwoman so we can face the day. You guys up for a hike?"

---

Getting dressed that morning was a bit of a dilemma. Steve would not have hesitated to slide into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt to go hiking, but I just didn't want to abandon the freedom of a skirt, even if pants would have been more sensible. I was still completely enamored of skirts and dresses at that point (not that I've changed too much since…), so I opted for sort of a "Hearty English Maid" look with a tweed skirt and tan safari-type blouse. Even I wasn't foolish enough to wear pantyhose for hiking; I settled for a good pair of high top sneaks and pink socks. I did my best to ignore Steph's ribbing about exaggerated femininity while I dressed.

As I reached behind me to snap the hooks on my bra, I noticed Stephanie looking at me.

"There are times it feels a little weird to be doing this, you know," I said.

"Do tell. You make it look like you've been doing it for years. Seems perfectly natural to me, anyway."

"It doesn't bother you that I'm somewhere between male and female and don't know which way to go?" I asked.

"Not in the least. Do you have to choose one or the other? I like you the way you are just fine. When you're not worrying about how you 'should' act, you seem perfectly contented with who you are. If you're happy with living as Kate, than that's the way you should live. Believe me, I'm happy living with Kate, darling!"

"Trust a second grade teacher to be able to break things down into small chunks so even us worrywarts can understand. I had an interesting conversation with the kids this morning."

"And…."

"The subject of breasts came up. I won't repeat what Tony thinks about where boobs belong, but Julia thinks that it makes perfect sense to get implants if that's what I want. The more I think about it, the more I think it may be the right thing."

"You're a sensible women, Kate."

"Becoming a woman full time may not be so sensible; that's what I'm afraid of. Let me rephrase that — living as a woman but most definitely NOT having anything done to my genitals. There are some aspects of being male I don't want to give up. No hormones either, but implants, maybe."

"Not that I want to complain, but isn't that a bit contradictory? There are some aspects of your maleness I'm unwilling to give up, too, lover, but I wouldn't mind being able to fondle your breasts when we make love. I rather liked that in my lesbian days."

"Contradictory - that's a good word. I like living as a woman, but I don't want to lose my manhood. I'm just not sure where all this is going quite yet. What happens if I decide to make the change?"

"There will be people who will get upset about it, but if you really want to do it, then I'm with you all the way. I have a lot of experience in handling holier-than-thou types who are just itching to snub you for who you are or what you've done."

Her long ago marriage and subsequent divorce from a Muslim man had set tongues wagging and gossip flying.

"You have to be the most amazing woman I've ever met. How could I NOT fall in love with you?"

"There are some questions you shouldn't ask and that's one of them. Just kiss me and put your boobs in, darling. We'll be late.

---

At least the kids had gone to the public showers, so I could get ready for the day without having them watch. Steph had breakfast ready by the time they got back and we walked over to Alex and Kristen's site once our volunteer slaves had done the dishes. Lucy spun in paroxysms of joy when we arrived, but her leash held this time. We all climbed into their vintage VW camper, an ancient but well maintained vehicle that they were only too glad to talk about as we climbed to the top of the mountain to the trailhead.

Not being complete fools, we'd decided to start at the top of the trail and hike downward, then come back in my pickup to retrieve the camper. The day was starting to warm up, making me wish I had picked something lighter to wear, but when we entered the woods it was perfectly comfortable. It was hard to believe that these beautiful woods had been clear-cut in the early 1900s and had grown up since then. There was a feeling of ancient forest nonetheless, a green and peaceful kingdom there for our enjoyment.

As we walked we looked for the landmarks in the park guide, talking quietly, getting to know each other better. Kristen told us about trips she had taken in Germany before she emigrated, Alex told us stories of growing up in Maine and all the trouble he got into - would you believe he and his buddies stole a complete skeleton from the Moose lodge - and Steph even felt comfortable in talking about her wild times in California, much to the wonder of her niece and nephew. I had to be a little careful in choosing what stories to tell, but I was surprised at how little my male gender mattered to the stories from my childhood. Up until that moment, I hadn't realized just how far back my feminine roots reached.

Halfway down the mountain there was a log shelter beside a stream, so we stopped for lunch and found ourselves drifting peacefully into a nap under the trees. Some lazy time later, an errant beam of sunlight through the foliage came to rest on my eyes, slowly bringing me out of the contented well of slumber.

I have never been much of a religious type; the whole concept of God seems rather unreal to me. But that day, in those majestic woods, there was a peace that I had never known before. I felt Stephanie stir beside me and felt the warmth of her hand as she placed it in mine.

"Just what are you thinking about that makes you smile like that, Kate?" she asked quietly. Alex and Kristen were still lying peacefully across the clearing and the younger set had wandered off while we napped.

"Can't you feel it? There's something magical about this place." A feeling of serenity filled my being, bringing with it an intense sense of femininity. The drape of my skirt and the weight of my breasts as I lay there overwhelmed me.

"Mmmm…." Her murmur invited me to continue. In the company of the woman I loved, I felt something I have never felt before. Something more than how I was dressed.

"It almost sounds silly to say it out loud, but I feel like the hand of the goddess is touching me."

"Really?" Her tone spoke more loudly than her words.

"Really. Right now, I'm no longer wondering where I'm going any longer. I feel sure that living the rest of my life as a woman is the right path for me. Maybe it's the natural beauty of this place or maybe I've just lost my mind, but there's a presence here that I've never felt before."

"I think I feel a little bit of it myself, Kate."

The presence was unmistakably feminine, yet as powerful and stern as any patriarch from the Bible. There were no words, nothing concrete. No commands. No "This ye shall do or else." There was warmth and support and confidence, a wordless permission to become what I wanted to be and an assurance that it was not only possible but inevitable.

"It's like the One that is the source of all things has graciously invited me to partake in her femininity and the joy it brings, while at the same time accepting my maleness. She has left me no doubt that all of her creatures are truly a blend of the male and the female."

"That's wonderful, Kate. I love you and it makes me happy to see you so happy. You're positively glowing!" she leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips.

Maybe it was only my subconscious making a foray to the higher realms of thought; maybe it really was a goddess. It truly doesn't matter; when I woke from my slumber, I knew that from that moment on I was Kate and that was the right thing for me. Once again, I have to use the language of my early religious training: a burden had been lifted from my soul. I was whole and free and knew what was right for me.

Sunlight was streaming down through the leaves of the trees, making glorious shafts of light as it fell. Alex and Kristen were still napping with Lucy curled up beside them. I could feel Steph's warmth next to mine — the world was a wonderful place to be in that afternoon.

"Well! It's about time some of you old farts woke up!"

How did a kid as young as Tony perfect that sarcastic tone of voice?

"Jeez — we're gonna have to put you guys in the rest home if walking in the woods for a couple hours knocks you out like that."

"Child, a girl needs her beauty rest," I replied.

"Yeah, I suppose you need to sleep about 23 hours a day then, Aunt Kate."

"'Sharper than a serpent's tooth', are we? Maybe you ought to take a nap yourself. It might improve your disposition, if not your looks, Tony."

Lucy quickly noticed that the humans were once again active and started doing her little dance of joy, which brought Alex and Kristen back to the world.

"Hey, I'm not the one wasting the day sleeping. Give me a break!"

"Arm or leg, your choice."

"Arm, darling," Steph contributed. "We don't want to have to carry him down the mountain."

"A practical woman! I knew there was a reason I wanted to marry you."

"Well, I suppose if Lucy is ready to leave, we wouldn't want to disappoint her. I rose and brushed the pine needles from my skirt, then helped Steph get up. The thought passed through my mind that even as a lady, I still behaved like a gentleman.

Perhaps the goddess would approve.

We continued down the mountain, Lucy running in great, wide circles around us, covering two or three times the distance that we mere humans walked. There were logs to investigate, chipmunks to chase and all manner of new and interesting things to explore. As we neared the end of the trail, Lucy found a muddy stream and jumped right in with a splash.

"Lucieeeeee!" came Kristen's anguished cry. "Lucy, come back here! Now!"

"Now, Kristen," drawled Alex, "Haven't you ever wanted to play in the mud and feel it squish through your toes? Let the poor animal have her fun."

"Then you wash her off. Just look at her!"

The formerly clear water of the stream was now a dark brown, as Lucy stirred up the muddy bottom with her antics. Not content to simply get wet, she found a muddy spot on the bank and proceeded to roll on her back, thoroughly coating herself in the dark brown mud. Her dirt encrusted tail wagged furiously.

"If she doesn't like being a blonde," opined Julia, "maybe you ought to take her to the beauty salon and have her fur dyed. She may have some hidden need to be a German Sheppard or something. We wouldn't want the poor thing to suffer canine dysphoria, would we?"

And I thought Tony had a sharp tongue!

"Dis what?" asked Kristen. She spoke English very well, but once in a while she had to ask what a word meant. She had plenty of company; until I started to explore my gender identity, I wouldn't have known what the word meant either.

"It's a medical term. It means discontent or unhappiness," replied Alex. "You know how doctors need to use fancy words to describe what they're doing so they can charge you more money. It's usually used talking about bipolar syndrome or to describe the feelings of people who don't fit into the usual male-female categories of society."

Now where did a carpenter become acquainted with gender dysphoria? I guess I must have been staring at him, because he replied a little sheepishly, "Hey, I got a Masters in Social Work way back when, even if I don't use it much. I imagine the subject isn't confined to clinical settings these days like it was years ago.

"Don't look at me!" I fibbed. "I just teach English; you probably know as much as I do about it. The subject does come up around campus every so often."

And if it hadn't, it would when I came back as Kate. I really didn't feel so comfortable having Alex and Kristen's attention drawn to the subject when I was around. I darn well couldn't do anything at that moment without making the connection obvious, but I wished Julia had kept her mouth shut.

"Well, if she wants to change breeds, I hope she wants to be a dachshund — she wouldn't take up as much space and she would match the VW."

"She's not getting in the camper until she has a bath, Alex. Since you think this is such a great idea, then you get to bathe her."

"Not a problem. I'll just throw a stick into the lake when we get there and she'll give herself a bath."

"I think I'll throw you in the lake, too, mister smart guy!"

"It's a nice day for swimming, why not?"

"Because they won't let dogs on the beach."

"So we throw her off that little stone patio by the playground."

Just then, Lucy decided she had had enough mud for herself, so she came flying back to share it with all of us. Call me overly fastidious, but I did not want any extra mud on my skirt. To my relief, she made a beeline to Kristen and she was soon safely attached to her leash. Not long after that, we reached the end of the trail and headed for the lake.

Lucy, as predicted, was perfectly happy to jump in the water and swim around. She was soon joined by Alex and the kids, leaving the three of us women sitting on the low stone wall to watch their antics. It was then I realized one of the limitations of being Kate on a warm summer day — no way I could go swimming without revealing far too much of my body.

As we watched them paddle about, Kristen put her hand on my shoulder and asked, "Aren't you glad you don't have a husband who jumps into the water and comes back smelling like wet dog?"

"Frankly, Kristen, I've never had any desire for a husband of any kind," I replied.

"Oh." She looked cute when she blushed.

"Don't worry! From my point of view, Steph is better than any husband could ever be." There are times that the absolute truth is completely misleading.

We didn't get to talk much more because just about then a park police cruiser pulled up near us. The officer was very polite, but there was no swimming allowed except at the beach, with a lifeguard. He even gave the wet but no longer muddy Lucy a scratch on the head before he left.

When we got back to the campsite, Kristen and I got in the pickup to go up the mountain for their camper. It seemed funny at first to be alone with a woman and not have the typical male need to check her out and take those first few steps of the mating dance. I was discovering how nice it could be to be girlfriends; but girlfriends have a way of asking questions that guys don't ask each other.

"Kate?"

"Yes?"

"I don't want to be too nosey but can I ask a personal question?"

"Sure, you can ask. I might even answer it."

Nervous? Me??

"Do you and Stephanie really plan on getting married?"

"Yes. We love each other and that's what we want to do. Does that bother you?"

"I don't really know. With all the excitement on the news about gays getting married, I've thought about it, but I didn't really care about it until I met you."

"Makes a difference when it's someone you know rather than someone spouting off on the news, doesn't it?" I replied.

"You and Stephanie are the first lesbians I've met. Well, I suppose I must know others, but they don't advertise it. Alex knows a lesbian couple who used to be in his music club, who had a little girl a few years back, but I haven't met them."

"It wasn't easy to be open about Steph and me, but we haven't had to deal with too much garbage. I just hope that all the anger and craziness about who you want to love will be gone someday. It's awful when someone hates you because of who you love."

"Alex and I had a little bit of that. When I met him, there were people who thought I was terrible just because I was born in Germany and had the nerve to fall in love with an American. I didn't fall in love with an American, I fell in love with a person."

"Well, I suppose that's better than falling in love with a sheep — people would really talk, then."

"Oh! I didn't mean it like that!"

"Want to bet some people would vote for the sheep rather than same sex marriage? Heavens, they'd rather have a guy in a dress marching down the aisle than have two women."

"So what are you going to do when you get married?"

"Have a small wedding with family and friends. No reporters invited and no publicity wanted."

"I hope it all works out for you; you seem like nice people."

"Thank you! It's funny, we've only just met, but you and Alex seem like old friends already. I'm really glad that Lucy got loose last night."

"Well, I wouldn't want to meet too many people like that, but I'm glad we met you."

We drove on for a while in comfortable silence until Kristen had another question.

"Another personal question, Kate?"

"Go for it!"

"What's it like being with another woman? I hope I'm not being too rude."

I knew it was coming. It's a truism that women talk more freely about sex than men, at least about the emotional side of it, but I was at a loss for an answer. The situation was absurd! Was I really so truly into Kate that another woman… Wait a minute — I'm not a really a woman, so how could Kristen be 'another' woman? I wasn't a lesbian in bed, but out of bed I think I could understand how a real woman might feel.

Or was that just masculine hubris? This was getting very confusing!

"I'm not sure I can tell you, Kristen. I've never made love to a man, so I have no way of knowing how it might be different." Once again, the truth was highly misleading! "You just learn what pleases your partner and keep doing it until they have an orgasm. I suppose it doesn't matter all that much what the biological sex is if both partners are in love and will take the time to find out how to make each other happy."

"I never quite thought of it that way."

Neither did I, Kristen, neither did I! Too bad I can't tell you the whole truth.

"I suppose Alex has used his fingers and tongue and maybe a toy or two on you. With your eyes closed, does it really matter if the fingers or tongue are attached to a penis or a vagina?"

She was silent for a while, but the abstracted smile on her face told me everything I needed to know.

"I guess you're right, but I think I would miss having him come in me," she said finally.

"I don't know; that sort of thing has never interested me." Talk about your understatement! "I've always been completely satisfied with a woman for a partner. Maybe it's genetic or something."

"I didn't want to be nosey, Kate."

"Sure you did, but that's just fine with me. A lot of people are curious about what other people do in bed, but they're too hung up to ask. I doubt that Steph and I do anything very much different than anything you and Alex have done. There are only so many ways you can fit things together without bending or breaking them. Then again, there's always the chance you'll learn something new. Got any suggestions?"

My smartass question sent Kristen into a fit of giggles, which was just as well. I was realizing that there were drawbacks in talking about sex with a woman as attractive as Kristen. For the first time since I had found Kate, I found myself hardening up at an inopportune time. That hadn't happened to me since I was a randy teen. I was certainly glad to be wearing a full skirt and to be sitting down.

I was saved from any embarrassment when we arrived at the camper. Kristen got out and by the time we returned to the campsite, I was safely back into my persona as Kate.

---

On the 4th of July, the kids didn't want to miss the fireworks. Who do I think I'm kidding? I wanted to see the fireworks just as much as they did. Life as Kate had brought a new excitement to what I had once considered banal. It had been years since I had gone to a fireworks display, mostly because it's something you do with a crowd and I really hadn't run with a crowd. Now I had Steph and her family to make the celebration interesting once more.

Alex and Kristen had other plans, so we piled into the pickup and headed for the park office. There were several towns that had fireworks, but the girl at the counter swore that those in Warren, PA were the best. It was quite a ways, but the drive along the river and reservoir was gorgeous; I swear we saw an eagle over the water — beautiful!

It wasn't hard to find the fireworks, everybody else in the town was going there, too. All we had to do was follow the crowd. I found a parking place for the pickup and we joined the throng. Warren isn't exactly a small town, but it's not a teeming metropolis either. Since we had a while before dusk, Stephanie and I wandered the streets and shops, sometimes holding hands, sometimes striking off alone to examine something interesting.

Something mysterious had happened to me since I realized I was Kate. I actually enjoy leisurely shopping with no particular goal in mind. Don't get me wrong! I can still go into the grocery or hardware store, pick up the things I need and be out of there in a very short time. What has changed is that I actually enjoy wandering around, examining knick-knacks or clothes or what-have-you. Set me down within 25 yards of a rack of bras that are not utilitarian white and I'm happy for the rest of the afternoon. Just take a look at my collection of bras, if you think I'm joking. I just love wearing a lacy bra, even if nobody but Steph will ever see it.

I found a pair of earrings that Steph would just love and even managed to buy them without her knowing so I could surprise her. When Steph rejoined me, I noticed a pair of teenagers looking at me rather closely. As I became aware of their scrutiny, I realized that after so long in public as Kate I had lost my fear of being revealed as a crossdresser. It was strange to have that feeling of doubt return so suddenly. There wasn't anything I could do about it. I tried my best to ignore them, but once that sliver of doubt invades your mind, it isn't easy to shake it off.

The kids didn't help much, because they followed us out of the store. They continued to whisper to each other and point at me in a way they must have thought was surreptitious. How ironic! I had spent the afternoon talking sex without being discovered and then some teenybopper comes along and the jig is up.

They followed Steph and me too long to be just coincidence, stopping when we stopped and continuing when we continued. Tony had caught the byplay as well. Bless his heart, he came up with a creative solution in a flash. I doubt his actions were completely protective of his aunt since, in my anxiety, I had failed to note that the ladies in question were pretty easy on the eyes. Tony did what any teenage boy would have found natural and maneuvered himself near them and started to chat them up.

Now I was the one watching them, for their focus had switched to Tony. I sorted through a rack of sale dresses on the sidewalk in front of a shop with only half of my attention as I watched the first steps of the mating dance being performed. Tony's overture was accepted (I wonder what line he used?) and the blonde one straightened up a bit and projected her endowments as she answered his sally. Tony's arms and hands flew as he pressed his advantage, until the brown haired one did a little wiggle and jiggle that had an unmistakable meaning even if I couldn't hear the conversation.

Their conversation grew more animated and I knew just what story Tony was telling because he had tried it out on us not too long before. That shuffle walk that accompanied the recurring chant was unmistakable and the girls laughed at the right places. Better yet, they were no longer looking at me.

Along about then the merchants began dismantling the sidewalk sale and closing up shop. The sun still had a ways to go before it set, but it was time to head for the park and spread our blanket. Julia finished looking at some wooden birdhouses and joined us, asking if I had seen Tony. I pointed him out as he continued his conquest half a block away.

As I spoke he and his conquests started walking toward us and before I knew what was happening he was introducing them to us, giving his Aunt Kate a quick hug in the process. I was completely unable to decide whether I should hug him back or simply kill him there and then.

"Hey Aunties, this is Karen and Beth," he announced in an enthusiastic voice. "Beth's the blonde one. Ladies, this is my Aunt Stephanie and her partner Kate. Karen and Beth said they would show us the best place to watch the fireworks."

It seemed we had acquired a pair of native guides.

"Um, Tony…," inquired Julia.

"Oh yeah, this is my sister Julia. You can ignore her like I do."

We shuffled around a bit with polite handshakes and variants on the theme of "Hello," except for Julia, who tried to shake her brother's neck. Instead of shaking my curious teens, suddenly I was shaking their hands and being polite. I don't believe I have ever been so conscious of my voice.

Fortunately, I had little need to speak as Tony was monopolizing the conversation. Letting the Native Guides take the lead, we headed toward the park, where we spread our blanket at the edge of the crowd. We were hardly settled when the kids decided to go exploring until dusk fell, leaving me alone with Stephanie.

"Want to take bets that Tony has the cell number of one or both of them before he gets back?" I asked.

"I don't take sucker bets, sucker. At least we're not the center of attention anymore."

"Tell me about it! I had visions of being stripped naked there on the street while the Teen Menaces From Hell exposed my every secret."

"Now that's funny!" Steph laughed. "I suspect Tony wouldn't mind in the least having the two of them strip him naked."

"All in your point of view, I suppose. Anyway, I'm glad they're gone and it will be dark when they come back."

The area was filling up quickly. A young couple spread their blanket next to us and took their baby from her stroller. With a massive grin on her face, the child started to crawl off the blanket to explore whatever the world had to offer. She crawled with enthusiasm, lifting her hands high and slapping them down as she wiggled her tush. A game soon developed as Dad caught the wayward tyke's leg just as she got to the edge of the blanket and slid her backward. Giggling, she resumed her flight in a new direction, only to be captured at the last second. Eventually, her path took her toward Stephanie and me and I found myself staring down into an angelic face surrounded by golden curls. With the fearlessness of youth, she simply crawled up my leg and tried to continue on.

"And where do you think you're going?" I said in the high pitched tones that adults use with babies the world over. She didn't answer, so I pointed her back to Mom and Dad and let her go. She headed for Mom and gave her a big hug before continuing on her way. Pretty soon, we were involved in a game of catch with the baby as a living ball. She would approach one of the adults and do her charming bit, then bounce away to the next one. We soon learned her name was Lisa and Mom and Dad were Jim and Lilly. No further conversation was needed, since we had plenty of entertainment before us.

It was getting dark and I was starting to wonder where the kids were when Lisa headed toward me again. Just as she reached me, there was a flash and a tremendous BOOM that echoed from the surrounding hills — the first warning that the fireworks were imminent. The fireworks weren't the only sound echoing from the hills; Lisa did her best to match the BOOM in volume, if not pitch. I automatically picked her up and held her as she started crying.

Once again, I felt the goddess touch me that day. I had never really cared for a child in my life; the few times I had met my cousin's kids hardly counted, but I automatically spoke quietly and stroked the crying child as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Perhaps caring for a frightened child is the most natural thing in the world. Did it really matter if I were born a woman or a man? I know that women are supposed to be the nurturing half of the species, but could homo sapiens have survived if half of its members were genetically incapable of comforting a crying child? Not likely!

Be that as it may, there was something innately feminine about having my new friend slowly lose her fear as I held her. Her arms crept around my neck and held me tightly as I softly murmured nonsense in her ear and stroked her back.

"You seem to have the magic touch." Lilly, who had started for Lisa when she was frightened, had stopped and watched when she realized her daughter was being comforted. "She doesn't usually take so to strangers."

"Beginner's luck, isn't it darling? I guess you think Auntie Kate is OK."

Lisa didn't have anything to say; she just nestled a little closer to my shoulder.

My philosophical mood was broken by the return of the exploration party and their native guides.

"Jeez — we go away for a few minutes and my aunt has a baby." Julia was very amused. "There something you haven't been telling us, Aunt Kate?"

"We decided nine months was too long to wait," Stephanie came to my defense, "so we just borrowed her for a tryout. I figure if we trade you two in, it won't cost us too much to have a kid who shows a little respect."

"Slavery! Human Bondage!" cried Tony.

"Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it. I know some folks who get into bondage games."

BOOM!

"WAAAH!"

"Mumble, mumble." Stroke. Cuddle. "It's alright, little girl."

The conversation was forgotten as the cycle started over, but she settled more quickly this time. I felt Stephanie slide over and sit behind me, so we were supporting each other. I hadn't even realized I was uncomfortable until I felt her warmth against my back. I guess mothers really do put their children first.

Lisa was smiling but a bit nervous. Was it because she was concerned about her baby being with a stranger, or was it because she didn't want to impose? The maternal instincts I didn't know I had seemed to have kicked in — I didn't want to let go of the baby.

"Let's be sure she's really out before the real noise starts," I offered. "Then we can put her in the stroller and you can enjoy the show, too."

"You're sure she's not bothering you?" Lilly asked.

"Not a chance! I haven't had so much fun in ages."

BOOM!

This time she hardly stirred. She must be one of those kids who sleep like the dead when they finally give up. I told myself it was to make sure when was really asleep that I kept holding her, but I knew it was a lie. It just plain felt wonderful. A couple of more booms resounded, then the first palm tree snaked its way into the sky. I returned my sleeping charge to her parents and we all watched anxiously to see if she would remain asleep.

Luck, or maybe the goddess, was with us and she continued sleeping. I returned to our blanket and lay back, holding hands with Stephanie while we watched the fireworks together. I couldn't help but notice on my way back that Tony had managed to end up between the two Native Guides to watch the show. The kid was a fast worker.

While I have seen bigger displays in some of the big cities I have been in, the fireworks had a special kick because of the multitude of echoes from the surrounding hills. I swear I could feel my breast forms vibrating with the bigger explosions. What a great day this had been. In a way it was my independence day; I felt at peace with my decision to become Kate for the rest of my life. I knew it was the right decision. I wasn't foolish enough, even then, to think it would be easy, but I certainly knew it would be worth it.

---

The next morning I woke slowly and peacefully while Stephanie continued to dream on beside me. Part of me wanted to pack up and go home so I could put my resolve to become more fully Kate into practice, but a more rational part of me realized that a few more days would not make any real difference. I knew that in order to be accepted at the college, I would have to do things by the book, so I had to wait until my appointment with the psychiatrist came around when we got back. Well, it really did make sense, after all.

What had started as a fling sure did develop into something I hadn't expected. If you had asked how I would spend the Fourth of July last January, I would have given you a completely wrong answer. There could be equally major turns ahead in the road of my life; maybe a shrink could help keep me from ending up in a ditch with my wheels spinning in the air because I misjudged a curve.

As the morning fog cleared in my head I realized that there were a couple of phone calls I needed to make, so I got up quietly, trying not to disturb Steph as I got dressed. I decided on an angel-sleeved sundress as the weather was again warming up, slipped into a pair of sandals and went out to my pickup. I was surprised to see Tony was up and gone while Julia was still asleep.

The cell phone reception in the trailer park was iffy, but seemed to be much better nearer the swimming area, so I headed that way. As I walked, I met tony walking down the road toward me, cell phone in hand. He was deeply immersed in the conversation and didn't notice me until I was practically on top of him.

"Checking your stock portfolio?"

"Nah, just talking to Beth. You know, from last night? She's going to come up here so we can go hiking. She's pretty neat."

"My, my! You are the fast worker!"

"Aww, Aunt Kate, it's not like that!"

"I know, but it was too good to resist. Only her, or will the Bobbsey Twins be coming?"

"Huh?"

"You're too young — will her girlfriend be coming to chaperone?"

"Jeez — you sound like Mom.

"Comes with age. Just curious, Tony. If you haven't learned how to control yourself by now, I'm not going to beat it into you in the next few minutes."

"That don't sound like Mom!"

"Thanks, you had me worried for a minute."

"I expect we ought to check with your aunt Stephanie before either of us makes any plans for the day. As far as I know we aren't doing anything special."

"Sure. I was looking at the park schedule and there's a couple of things that sound interesting."

"And they sound a lot more interesting with a pretty girl holding your hand, right?"

"Aww, Aunt Kate!"

"Don't forget, I know what it's like to be sixteen and male, despite present appearances."

"Yeah, I guess you do." He paused for a moment. "Is it any easier being a girl?"

"I don't think so, but I haven't been at it all that long. I like being Kate better than I did being Steve, but I didn't dislike being Steve. Does that make any sense?"

"I don't know. I just get so confused sometimes."

"I don't think that has much to do with being male or female; that comes as a free prize for being born."

"Heck, you make it sound like a game show or something. Sometimes I feel like I picked Door Number 2 when I should have gone for Door Number 3."

"Guess what? The cynic in me figures the prize is on wheels and it would have been moved to Door Number 1 as soon as you picked number 3."

"Yeah, that's what I mean. It's like every time I think I know what I'm doing, something happens and…."

"Well, the more things you do wrong, the more things you learn not to do. Sometimes you have to keep trying things until you find something that works. 'Course, being a screwup all the time isn't much fun. You should have seen me when I was your age."

"What did you do when you liked a girl?"

"Mostly got all tongue tied and stupid and fell on my face. I was pretty well scared to ask a girl for a date for the longest time." I affected an exaggerated hick accent. "I used to be scared of gurls and now I are one! Yuck, yuck."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I always envied the jocks who had girls hanging around them and all they had to do was pick which one whenever they wanted a date. It didn't seem fair. Funny thing was, my first college roommate was a jock and he got sick of women who were always after his muscles and didn't have a brain in their heads. I didn't have much sympathy for him until I went out with one or two of his harem. They were decorative but downright boring. I found out that I wanted someone who had more than one dimension to her life."

"I don't think I'm going to have to worry about that with Beth. She's no dummy."

"Pretty observant, too. I was sure she was on to me last night. By the way, thanks for giving her something else to think about."

"She was awful curious, but it was about you and Aunt Stephanie; I don't think she's figured out you aren't a real woman."

"I guess that's a compliment. Look, Tony — if she's going to be spending the day with us, don't try to be a hero and hide my secret identity if she starts wondering. Tell her the truth and remember that it's me that's different — you haven't changed because I changed my gender. Unless you two go and get married, she doesn't need to know all the details."

"It's only a date, Aunt Kate. Don't get carried away!"

"You look cute when you get excited. I hope Beth appreciates it."

"Do I know you? Help! Some weird stranger is stalking me! Help! Police!"

"I swear, Officer, I was just walking along minding my own business when this punk comes up and demands my purse or he'll see I get raped by a bear! See — he's wearing gang colors! Poor little innocent me!"

"Yeah, but I'm younger and cuter. They'll believe me first."

"Just remember — 'Old Age and Treachery Trumps Youth and Enthusiasm'."

"Go suck eggs, old lady."

"I'd prefer to break a few of them — I haven't had breakfast yet."

"Sounds good to me. Let's wake up my lazy sister and get her to make breakfast."

"Is that a sexist remark, young man?"

"Nope, she's a better omelet maker. I do the hash browns."

"Then I'll sit down and drink coffee and let you two have at it."

He did do a good job on the hash browns.

---

Have you ever watched one of those nature programs on PBS where some exotic bird goes through incredible gyrations as he dances around a prospective mate? As Stephanie and I washed the lunch dishes, we watched out the trailer's window and found out what Marlin Perkins must have felt like. Tony and Beth were executing some interesting choreography.

"Did I behave like that when I started paying attention to you?" I asked Stephanie.

"Well, you certainly did start displaying bright colors, but I don't think you were in such a hurry."

"Yeah, what were I going to do — move out to get away from you?"

"I was pretty nervous, you know. There were a couple of times I almost asked you to move out."

"Really?"

"It wasn't easy learning to trust again. I still have flashes of panic, you know."

"I wondered, but you seem to be coping with them. Don't be afraid to let me know if you want me to back off sometimes. I'm glad I fell in love with you, you know."

"I still wonder sometimes why you thought I was worth all the effort."

"Don't we all? You showed me something about myself that I had never known. I might have never realized that Kate was living in my body if I hadn't met you. You may have had difficulty trusting men for a good reason, but I never was able to give myself to anyone until you showed me the female side I had buried for so long. I just hope Tony and Julia can find a love like we found and not have to wait for half their lives before it happens."

"If Tony has anything say about it, he should finish up before dinnertime today."

"Beth doesn't seem to be objecting very hard, does she?"

"Beth is pulling as fast as he can push. Trust me, darling."

"Implicitly. Give me a kiss and we can go outside and make the young lovers nervous."

We kissed - quite thoroughly, indeed — and sat down at the picnic table with Tony and Beth. The conversation was the usual stuff you talk about on a lazy summer afternoon, nothing worth reporting. After a while, Alex and Kristen walked by and waved.

"Anyone for the beach?" Alex called happily.

"You want to go swimming?" Tony asked Beth.

"Sure. I brought my suit."

"Sounds good to me!" Stephanie added.

It sounded good to me, too, but I had a problem. Kate could not wear a swimming suit without being revealed. Oh, well — nothing is completely good all the time. I resorted to a little white lie.

"I'll come along and wade a bit, but I never learned to swim."

"I can show you how," offered Beth. "I have my Red Cross certificate."

"Thanks, but I don't have a suit. I'm perfectly happy to dunk my toes."

I got one of those piercing looks that so unnerved me when I first met her, but Beth dropped the subject. After a bit of running around to find suits and towels, we walked down to the lake. When they designed Allegany park, they did a good job. There is a nice, sandy beach for the kids to play on and several large, old shade trees at the edge of the sand for us more sedate types to relax in the shade and watch them play.

Who am I kidding, I wanted to jump in the water and swim with everyone else. I had read about the various ways to hide my male equipment on the Internet and had even tried it a couple of times. Not exactly comfortable, but for short periods it wasn't too bad. That discomfort, along with my personal tastes, contributed to my fondness for long, full skirts. No, the real problem was that a swimsuit wouldn't hide my breast forms, so I had to content myself with wading a bit and trying not to get my skirt soaked.

One more reason for me to make the transition to real breasts; I intended to go swimming at this beach next year. So, I spent the next few hours playing the stereotype of an English professor, comfortably sitting in the shade reading a book. Every once in a while, an errant breeze would come along and rustle my skirt and I could always put down my book and watch any one of several cute kids playing on the beach. It was a very peaceful way to spend the afternoon.

"My, you look peaceful."

I opened my eyes to see Beth standing there. I told you it was peaceful, didn't I?

"Just resting my eyes."

"What'cha reading?"

"John Varley's 'Red Lightning'."

"Who's he?"

"Science Fiction. Great summer reading for the beach."

"An English professor that reads Science Fiction?"

"Sure! Beats the hell out of F. Scott Fitzgerald. And don't ask 'Who's he?'"

"Jeez — I know who he is. We had to read Gatsby in class."

"And…."

"It wasn't all that bad, but there were a lot of dumb people with too much money and not enough sense."

"I couldn't have said it any better. You ought to get a job teaching English."

"I don't think I want to be a teacher. Right now, I think I want to go into linguistics. I like deciphering how language works and how it affects the society that uses it."

"Interesting. I took a little bit of that when I was a student but fell in love with the literature more than the language. It's hard to separate them, of course. Thought about which school you want to go to?"

"Right now, I have to graduate from high school before I think too far ahead. I'm going to apply to Dartmouth and Cornell, but I'll probably end up at Penn State since it's in state and all."

"You could do worse, they're all good schools. It's nice to find someone who has a plan for their life - you wouldn't believe how many of my students haven't a clue what they want to do, even though they made it through high school and are in college."

"Well, it's not exactly set in stone, but with all the terrorist craziness, linguistic forensics looks like a pretty good bet for a career. Who knows, I might even get to be a spook for the CIA."

Linguistic forensics? Half my students hadn't a clue what forensics were, let alone how to use the word properly. Blonde she might be, but you couldn't call her dumb. Decorative, to be sure, but not dumb.

"I can't wait until you publish your memoirs — 'How I Saved the World from a Dangling Participle' sounds like a good working title."

"You're crazy, Ms. Tucker."

"Kate, please. No need for formality — I'm on vacation."

"My pa would have a fit. He about blows a gasket about being disrespectful to adults and calling them by their first names."

"And he let you get away to visit a complete stranger you only met last night?"

"Well, they're kind of like on vacation, so I didn't have to tell them. It's not like we're going to elope or anything. Tony just seemed like a guy I'd like to get to know better."

"Speaking of Tony, how come he isn't here mooning over you?"

"He had to go pee. And he's not mooning over me; he's just a nice guy I met."

"And a pretty fast worker to convince an older woman to spend the day with him after only knowing her a couple of hours."

"Stop that — you're just trying to be outrageous."

"I suppose I am, but I like being the oddball, you know."

"It wasn't hard to figure that one out, Ms. Tucker. Uh — Kate."

I raised my eyebrows in a silent invitation for her to continue.

"Two women strolling down Main Street in Warren holding hands is not something you see every day. Not that I care, but…."

"You care, right? Yeah, lots of people 'but in' when they think you're a lesbian. It takes some getting used to, believe me. Is that why you were staring at me last night?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."

"Two teenagers giggling and pointing and whispering in each other's ears is kind of noticeable. To tell you the truth, I was wondering if the two of you had something going."

Me, poke a hornet's nest with a stick? Sure!

"With Karen? We're just friends."

"Relax, I'm just giving you grief. I get out of hand like that, sometimes."

"It's just that the only other lesbian I know about is a real head case at school. She's into spikes and leather and chains. You seem so, well, normal."

Just your run-of-the-mill lesbian, eh? I could almost chew on the irony.

"Sounds like some of my students. Just being Kate is radical enough for me, I think. I guess I'm enough on the butch side that I get stared at pretty often."

She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"Relax, Beth. For someone who thinks calling adults by their first names is radical, you're doing pretty well. The world is full of surprises and things you haven't seen before. Just wait until you get to college — there will be people that make me seem pretty tame."

At least I hope they would — making the change of gender was going to be full of unexpected results, I was sure.

"I suppose you're right," Beth replied, sounding confused.

"Trust me. Speaking of people needing to pee, I think I fall into that category. In my mother's day, I would gave gone to 'powder my nose,' but as a liberated woman I can say I have to pee and be proud of it!" I rose from my chair.

"I think I'll join you."

"Leaving Tony to wonder where we went — it will be good for his soul."

As I sat and did my business, I couldn't help but reflect on how far I had come in such a short time. A few months ago, the ladies room had been a terrifying adventure; today it was a social experience.

As I emerged into the afternoon sunlight, I saw Tony and Beth seated next to each other on one of the benches. Tony once again had the cell phone to his ear, but he didn't look very happy. In fact, his face was a bright red. He was not exactly shouting, but he sure wasn't holding a private conversation.

"I didn't run away from home! Aunt Stephanie invited Julia and me to go on vacation with her and Dad said it was OK!" He listened for a moment. "No, we are not coming home. We are staying with Aunt Stephanie. I know you don't like her, but she's still my aunt and I do like her. And I like Aunt Kate just as much."

More listening.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Mother, but that's not true. You were the one who took off and left us behind, so I couldn't exactly ask your permission for anything." Pause. "You'll have to talk to Dad about that." Pause. "I'm sorry, Mother, but this isn't getting us anywhere. I love you, but you are being completely unreasonable. I'm staying here with Aunt Stephanie and I am not coming home. Besides, we don't have a car to go home in. Goodbye, mother."

With an angry gesture, he flipped the phone shut and put it in his pocket. Not quite sure it was the right thing to do, I went over to Tony.

"Tony?" I asked quietly. He looked like a hurt and confused puppy, which was uncomfortably close to his situation. Poor kid, breaking free from your parents is hard enough without throwing crossdressing relatives into the mix.

"Mom says she's coming down here to take us back home. She hates you, Aunt Kate. It isn't right."

Beth instinctively reached out and put her arm around Tony.

"Tony, I don't want to say bad things about your mother, but I've had to learn that there are some people who will never be able to accept what I am. That doesn't make them bad people, but it can make it very uncomfortable for someone like you who gets caught in the middle. I'm sorry you have to go through this because of me, but from what Stephanie has told me, I think this crisis would have come along whether I was the center of it or not. Growing up isn't easy, Tony, and learning that the people you love aren't perfect is as difficult as it gets."

"But why does she have to be like this? She cheats on Dad, but then she goes all moral because of you and Aunt Stephanie. How can she do that?"

So, he knew what Tom had suspected. Damned hard to hide anything from a perceptive kid like Tony.

"It has something to do with being human. The psychiatrists call it compartmentalization — the ability to have two incompatible ideas in your brain at the same time. We all do it; it's a way to cope with things that distress us. You can wall them off and forget to look at them. That's how your mother can be all righteously indignant about a crossdressing aunt while she ignores her own infidelity."

Beth's eyes went wide and I realized my mistake. Great! One more crisis to cope with.

"Sorry, Beth. I'm not a lesbian; I'm transgendered. If you want me to, I'll tell you all about it later, but right now Tony needs us to be with him."

Why did I have to open my big mouth? Now I had two confused kids in front of me. I wished Stephanie were here; I needed her compassion and insight, but she was out in the lake splashing around with Julia and Kristen. Where was Alex? I could use the help of a reformed social worker about now.

"This is one of those reality shows, right? Where they dump some poor dope into a weird situation and see what kind of idiot she makes of herself?" Beth muttered.

"Believe me," I answered, "I'd be very happy to holler 'CUT' and start over, but there's no camera or crew hiding in the bushes. It's just, plain ordinary reality. It's really happening."

"Maybe I should become a writer and not a linguist. This would make a good book. Think I could make the best seller list my first time out?"

I was impressed with her ability to joke after landing smack in the middle of a very strange family quarrel.

"You think this is good material? You ought to apply to Brockport, so you can watch what happens when I let them know I'm transitioning."

"Transitioning?"

"Sorry, sometimes I forget everybody doesn't know the jargon. I haven't told them I'm changing genders yet."

"Oh."

"Beth?" Tony seemed to have come out of his stupor. Her look invited him to continue.

"I just wanted to get to know you; I didn't think anything like this would happen."

"You know what, Tony? I didn't think anything like this could happen either. It's got to be the most interesting first date I've ever been on."

"And the last one with me, right?"

"What? You're going home with your mother? I thought you weren't going to do that."

"I'm staying. I just didn't think you would want to after all this."

"And not find out how it all ends? No way!"

Was it going to end any time soon? I didn't think so.

"Tony, I hate to interrupt the love scene, but I think you had better call your father and let him know what's going on. If your mother is really coming down here to take you back home, there's not much we can do to stop her."

"Great — then they can have a fight so the whole campground knows what's going on."

There are actually people who think they can "hide it from the kids." I was willing to bet that Julia and Tony knew just about every detail of their parents' problems, and suffered from it, no doubt.

"Then let's hope you get to him in time to talk to her before she leaves. I don't think any of us want to be involved in their fight."

"I guess you're right, Aunt Kate."

"I hope I am. I'm going to go and talk to Stephanie while you call your dad. Good luck, Tony. I haven't known you all that long, but I want you to know I think you're a fine young man and I think you are going to be able to handle this. Your aunt and I are here for you, remember that."

"Thanks, Aunt Kate" He flipped open the phone.

---

Have you ever tried to stand by the shore of a lake and wave frantically while remaining ladylike? One more challenge for the afternoon. Eventually, I got Steph's attention and the water nymphs paddled in to the shore. Kristen, sensing that there was a problem, politely made an exit, leaving the three of us alone. I felt guilty for putting an end to her fun in the water, but Steph had to know what was going on.

"I'm afraid a family crisis has come up. I'd like to say unexpectedly, but I think we knew that Deb wouldn't approve of the kids vacationing with us. She just called and told Tony that she intends to come down here and take them home."

"The hell she is!" replied Steph.

"Yeah, that sounds just like Mom," Julia said in a resigned tone. "She raised an awful fuss because I'm going away to school; she wanted me to go to Buffalo State just so I could stay at home. Maybe I should just move in with you and Aunt Kate and have done with it."

"Julia, have you ever heard the phrase 'pouring fuel on the fire'?" Steph sounded shocked.

"Hey — I'm kidding. I'm going to live in the dorms. Can I still come over and mooch meals when the cafeteria food is too lousy?"

"Considering your culinary abilities, you can come over and cook the meals for us. I'm getting spoiled with you two helping with the food. But we seem to have gotten off topic here."

"Fine with me, Aunt Steph. I don't want to have another fight with Mom, especially with you involved."

"And I don't intend to have a fight with your mother. I intend to call Tom right away and see if he can talk some sense into her."

"Too late for that," I offered. "Tony was calling him as I came over to spring the bad news on you. Shall we go see what he found out?"

"I guess so." Steph sounded dubious.

"Oh, yeah. I got a big mouth and Beth now knows I'm transgendered, not a lesbian."

"Have you ever heard the phrase 'pouring fuel on the fire'?" came the response in unison.

"I always was a hothead. It just slipped out when I was trying to help Tony cope."

"And???"

"You know, I don't think it made much difference to Beth. Lesbian, transgendered, little green man — they're all alien concepts to most people."

"Now there's an idea. We get a spaceship to hover over us and suck us up into another dimension in a blue glow and then we won't have to worry about it any more."

"Nah — with our luck humans would look like crossdressed Ziliphobians or something and we'd all be arrested."

"Alright, I guess we'll all have to face this together. Let's go back to the trailer and plot our strategy."

"Just remember what Charles DeGaulle said - 'You have to be fast on your feet and adaptive or else a strategy is useless.'"

---

Waiting gets to you after a while. Tony and Julia were adamant — they were not going to leave, no matter what their mother wanted. It appeared that Steph and I had become a battleground in an already stormy marriage. With disturbing clarity, Julia and Tony detailed the family problems from their point of view. Steph was visibly shaken; her brother had not let her know how serious the situation was and of course, I had just met them a few days before and was feeling very uncomfortable for having been the catalyst in the whole affair.

It takes two hours to drive to the park from Buffalo, so after three uneventful hours, we were getting pretty nervous — what was taking her so long? By the four hour mark, Beth knew as much about crossdressing and transgenderism as we could tell her and we started getting more hungry than nervous; it was well past dinner time. At least cooking gave us something to do besides worry. By the time we got to dessert, we were feeling much more relaxed. When Lucy, tail wagging furiously, escorted Alex and Kristen past our site, we invited them to share the strawberry shortcake that Julia had made.

"Family crisis taken care of, I hope?" Alex queried.

"Not quite," answered Stephanie. "We were waiting for the shoe to drop, but we got hungry."

"So you cobbled together some dinner, I suppose?" he deadpanned.

"There's something about sole food I can't resist."

"But it won't last."

"Seems more like a case of foot-in-mouth disease to me." observed Julia. "Is it catching?"

"Sure, but a good heeler will take care of the problem."

"An arch comment if I ever heard one."

"Enough! I'm putting my foot down — no more puns!" cried Stephanie.

"Don't get yourself in a leather. Ouch!"

I have got to learn not to push my luck. Wooden spoons are dangerous in the hands of an incensed woman. Uh, person.

"Did you drop by for a reason or just to start trouble?" Steph asked.

"Actually, we did. The contradance is about to start up at the administration building. You interested in kicking up your heels?"

"You're not starting again, are you?" There was a dangerous tone in her Steph's voice.

"Who, me?" He surely could affect an innocent face. "Just inviting my friends to a dance."

"I don't know. With my darling sister-in-law about to arrive we should really…."

"Aww, come on, Aunt Steph!" Tony pleaded. "Would you rather be dancing or listening to Mom go on about how Aunt Kate's a pervert?"

"I suppose…." Steph wasn't quite sure.

"Make her work for it, love," I said as I put my arm around her. "I suspect she'll find us eventually and being in a public place may keep her temper in check."

"Alright, already. I'm convinced. But don't you need big poufy skirts and cowboy shirts to go square dancing?"

"If you're into the Western style you do, but this is a contra dance. You form two lines with the men on one side and the women on the other and dance as a group. The patterns are the same as a square dance but each couple moves down the line, swinging and turning with their neighbors, until they reach the end. Then go back and start over at the top. Don't worry, there are always more women than men, so one of you can pretend to be the man for the evening and no one will notice."

I was hard put to keep my face straight, but Beth lost it.

"So who volunteers to be the man tonight?" she could hardly get the question out for laughing.

"Why me, of course," Stephanie answered. "After all, I'm wearing the pants in the family tonight, aren't I?"

Well, she was. I was still in the skirts only stage of becoming Kate.

"My hero!" I sighed theatrically. "Take me away from all this and sweep me off my feet at the ball."

"Sheesh! I'll take you dancing, but when the big, nasty dragon arrives, you're on your own."

"You're fired! How about you, Tony?"

"Dragons breathe fire! Not me, Aunt Steph."

"You haven't seen what I've seen. Ouch!" She still had the wooden spoon.

---

It was a short walk from the campground to the administration building, a magnificent old stone structure built on a hill overlooking the lake. As I said before, much of the park had been built during the Great Depression by the Civilian Conservation Corps using the native stone that abounded in the region. The dance was held on a large grassy area behind the building and there was a good crowd by the time we got there.

Standing behind a large, trapezoidal wooden box was an oversized leprechaun with a graying beard and impish smile. The wooden box was a hammered dulcimer, looking for all the world like the inside of a piano with dozens of strings stretching across it. He was demonstrating with a pair of small wooden hammers, striking the strings and bringing forth an intriguing sound somewhere between a piano and a harpsichord.

After a few minutes, he grinned again and introduced himself as Dan Duggan. (You can check him out at Esperance Productions.) To get us in the mood for dancing, he played a sprightly Irish air on the dulcimer, accompanied by his wife Peggy on guitar. Our feet were tapping in no time at all. Dan was a master at teaching complete novices (like me!) how to contra dance. True to her word, Steph took the man's part opposite me, with Beth and Tony to my right and Alex and Kristen on my left. Dan was wearing one of those headset microphones that look so silly on pop stars, but it enabled him to talk to us while he demonstrated each movement with his wife, then the two of them played while Dan called the moves. How he managed to hit the right strings on that huge instrument with his eyes on the dancers was beyond me, but he was a wonderful musician.

Over the course of a thoroughly enjoyable evening, we learned how to swing and turn and allemande and do-si-do and I don't remember what all, but it was a complete joy to dance with my skirt swinging free and body moving to the music. Alex and Kristen, of course, were experts at the whole thing; his firm touch as he swung me around felt surprisingly natural. Julia had managed to find a young man to dance with her (as if that would be a problem for someone with her looks!) and was completely immersed in the dancing, as were Beth and Tony. As we gained a bit of experience, Dan increased the complexity of the moves, chaining together a series of simple moves into a complex pattern of motion rippling down the line of dancers until it reached the end and the last couple made their way back to the head of the line to start over.

All the while he was calling out the moves, his hands were flying over the hammered dulcimer playing jigs and reels and hornpipes and strathspeys. I had never heard of a strathspey before that night, but I found out that that it is a tune in 4/4 time with a couple of shorter notes thrown in to give it a bit of syncopation. Just hum that old chestnut "Loch Lomond" (You take the high road and I'll take the low road) or "Auld Lang Syne" to yourself and you'll get the idea.

As Steph and I proceeded down the line, I realized we had never gone dancing together. For that matter, I had never gone dancing, period. It was just not something I thought I enjoyed. I hated dancing in high school, bouncing around and jumping up and down seemed pointless to me. I liked the slow dances better, because you had to touch the girl, but I have two left feet, or maybe three. I don't see how I could have made so many dancing mistakes with less than three feet.

With that in my background, I had been a bit reluctant to come, but it seemed better than waiting around and biting my polished nails until Deb showed up to cause a fight. Funny how things like that work out; I found I was having a great time. For one thing, I could touch and hold Steph in front of a crowd of people without getting those curious or disapproving looks I had come to expect. There were at least half a dozen temporary same sex couples in the line dancing with us.

Then there was just how good my body felt as I moved and flowed with the music. My skirt was flying and swirling as I turned, the forms in my bra were bouncing and shimmying as I kicked and swayed. I felt more alive and feminine than ever, completely at home with the new life I had chosen for myself. As the dance ended, I put my arms around Stephanie and thanked whatever goddess had blessed me so to have found my true self.

The evening ended with Dan demonstrating the "Grapevine Twist". Taking the hand of the first person in the line, he created a human snake from the dozens of people dancing in line while Peggy kept up the music on her guitar. He had us twisting and whirling in great, complex patterns around the lawn as we followed his lead.

I know it's impossible for that single line of laughing, dancing people to have crossed itself, but I couldn't see how he managed to create the shapes he did without a massive pileup. Steph and I had just snapped out of a tight turn when I caught sight of Deb striding from the parking area, her face completely at odds with the crowd of happy vacationers. I wondered if she had managed to keep up a scowl like that for the entire drive from Buffalo or if she had only practiced on and off as she drove south.

I missed a step as I spotted her, but the inexorable force of the moving line pulled me along and I quickly returned to the joy of dancing, putting her out of my mind for the next few minutes. Alas, all things must end and Dan finished the dance with a flourish to a rousing round of applause from all present.

Well, all but Deb, who just wasn't partaking in the spirit of the evening. I felt Stephanie's arm slide around me in an unmistakable signal that she was not going to be intimidated by her sister-in-law. I noticed Tony gave Beth a good, solid kiss, which she returned with enthusiasm, before taking her hand and walking toward us — completely ignoring his mother. Julia gave her partner a peck on the cheek before heading over to our little group, sparing the poor boy from what was bound to be a difficult situation.

As Deb stalked closer, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"I take it that's the angry mother approaching?" Alex asked.

"Right the first time." replied Stephanie.

"My Alex is such a keen observer." commented Kristen. "He can always spot the obvious after two or three tries."

"Well, I do have experience in coping with angry women, if you know what I mean."

I got the feeling that the only thing that saved Alex from a swat was Deb's arrival — solidarity and all that; don't show disunity before the common enemy. Overstating the case? Well, maybe, but I was not feeling charitable at the moment. It was good to have someone outside the family there to support us, too.

"Children, get in the car. We're going home." Clearly her Command Voice. She sounded like a general ordering the troops to evacuate. Steph started to take a breath to answer, but Julia beat her to it.

"No!"

Amazing how much fervor can be packed into one syllable. Julia had clearly inherited her mother's Command Voice. Silence reigned as Deb began to suffuse with color.

"Julia. You and your brother will not be staying here one more minute. I will not have you exposed to this sort of perversion, even if your father has lost his sense of morality."

"So, does your boyfriend have two extra bedrooms for us to use? I doubt Dad is going to want to have you in the house after this. How moral would it be for us to be staying in the place where you're committing adultery?"

"How dare you!" Deb's color took another step down the spectrum toward the red.

"Do you really think we don't know you've been cheating on Dad for months and months? We are not stupid and neither is he. I don't see how Aunt Kate could be considered a bad influence compared to your behavior."

It was for situations such as this that the old cliché 'horns of a dilemma' had been coined. Deb knew it was going to be hard to argue her case from the heights of moral superiority but was unwilling to let go easily. So far, the argument had not gotten loud, but there were several people around us who had picked up on the animosity in the air. I was starting to get worried about how badly this could get out of hand. Fortunately Alex, the social worker turned carpenter, had lost none of his people handling skills while developing his mechanical expertise. Why he had stuck around to mediate our family quarrel was beyond me, but friends do crazy things for their friends, don't they?

"Could I make a suggestion here?" his mellow, singer's voice slid in between the combatants. "There are families here who don't need to be disturbed. Perhaps we could adjourn to the benches over there by the flagpole where we could have a bit more privacy."

Ah, a direct action to be followed, one that made sense and was completely neutral. One that saved face and allowed everyone to get their emotions under control. We made our way to the circle of seats.

"I know I'm an outsider here," Alex continued when we were seated, "but perhaps that's just what is needed right now. All of you have come to be our friends and I hate to see my friends needlessly upset. I hope that I will be able to call you a friend as well, Mrs. Petrillo."

"I doubt it."

Still a hard case, but Alex didn't give up easily.

"Well, we'll just have to see what develops. From what I understand, you don't feel that Kate and Steph's lesbian relationship is good for your children. Am I correct in that?"

Oh-oh. I should have seen this coming. I felt Steph's grip tighten on my hand.

"Lesbian? What the hell are you talking about? That 'woman' is a perverted man running around in women's clothes!"

Her finger pointed unerringly at me. I saw Alex's eyes widen, but that was the only sign he was surprised. Kristen, on the other hand, had her jaw somewhere around her ankles. As interesting as their reactions were, there was no time to react as the conversation between Alex and Deb flowed on.

"Well, being transgendered does have some similarities to being lesbian, so we are not all that far afield. It's certainly a topic where reasonable people can disagree."

"I don't believe this." growled Deb. "It's wrong. It's just plain wrong for a man to dress like a woman!"

"Hypocrite," Tony said just loud enough to be heard.

"Perhaps, Tony. But that may be a little harsh. I know that I have several beliefs that would be hard to reconcile if I were to subject them to purely logical analysis. As humans, we have an amazing capacity to compartmentalize our emotions so we don't drive ourselves crazy when they conflict."

"You're damn right about the crazy part, Mister." Deb was still not admitting anything.

"There, we have one point of agreement already. I'm crazy and so are the rest of us. Let's see if we can keep up the momentum."

A lame joke, but it relieved the tension.

"Julia, I believe you've turned 18 and are legally an adult. Would you be willing to tell us what you think of your aunt's situation?"

"Jesus!" from Deb's mouth it was swearing, not invoking the Deity. "What is with this touchie-feelie group therapy crap again? We did this once already and I'm not buying it. My children are not going to live with perverts. Period!"

"Mother! I am your daughter, but I am no longer a child. As Alex just pointed out, I am now an adult and I will make my own decisions. I appreciate your feelings, but I don't agree with you. Aunt Kate is a decent and loving person who I am proud to know. I will not put her out of my life because of your prejudice. I'm not coming back with you."

"Me either!" declared Tony.

"Like hell you are. You are my children and you will do what I tell you. If I have to, I'll go over to the police station in that building and have them make you go home."

By this time the sun had set and we were surrounded by the beautiful twilit hills of the park, but there was precious little serenity to be found at the moment.

"Mrs. Petrillo, please calm down. We really should be able to do this without threats."

Deb was about to launch a rejoinder when Lucy padded over to her and gave her that big, brown-eyed stare that dogs seem to have patented. I had heard of therapy dogs and at that moment, Lucy seemed to know just what was needed. Unconsciously, Deb reached out and stroked Lucy's golden head and her anger began to dissipate. Perhaps all counselors should have a canine partner.

"While it's technically true," Alex continued, "that you have legal authority over Tony, the courts would be loathe to interfere in a case like this. The park police would not have jurisdiction in any case. You would have to convince a court that a PINS (Person In Need of Supervision) petition should be granted before you could legally enforce your will. As a practical matter, even if you went the legal route, you would not be able to get through the process before the vacation is over."

Instead of firing back, Deb hugged Lucy close to her and began to weep. "Not my children, they can't have my children!" came her voice, muffled by Lucy's golden fur. Looking around, I saw Kristen looking confused, Julia was crying with her mother and Beth was valiantly holding on to Tony's hand as he tried to be strong. Stephanie had me clutched tightly with her arm as we waited while Deb wept. Call me crazy, but even though I knew the woman hated me for what I was, I couldn't let her be alone in her pain. Quietly I went over and sat next to her as she held Lucy. Taking my cue from Alex's formal address, I spoke.

"Mrs. Petrillo, please believe me that I don't want to hurt either you or you family. I love Stephanie and will be with her for the rest of her life. I can't ask you to do what you think is wrong, but I can ask you to accept that our love is not going to go away. We have to learn to live together somehow. I will try to keep my distance if you feel that's necessary, but Tony and Julia have to make their own choices. Please give them the respect they deserve, even if you don't like what they choose. We won't solve this tonight, so I hope we can simply agree to disagree at this point and try again later."

"Love? What do you know about love? I've been trying to find it for twenty goddamn years and it hasn't shown up yet. Then you come along and pretend to be a woman and tell me you love my sister-in-law. How the hell can you do that?"

She clasped poor Lucy even closer and continued to weep.

"Mrs. Petrillo, I'm not an expert by any means, but it took me twenty years to find Stephanie. One thing I have learned, though, the harder you look for love the harder it is to find. You have to be open to it when it arrives. You have to be willing to change and accept it. I couldn't do it as a man, no matter how hard I tried. I had to learn to accept the feminine side of me before I could accept being loved and return that love. That was how it worked for me, but it probably won't work that way for you. We each have to find what is right for us, not what is right for everybody else.

"Look," I continued, "Tom seems like a decent and caring man from what little I know of him. There must be something between the two of you that you can build on or you wouldn't have been together long enough to raise two intelligent and caring children. Were you expecting 'happily ever after' from a fairy story? The kind of nonsense you see in the soap operas? Perfection from the first time you saw him? World shaking passion every time you make love?

"It just doesn't work like that, but the culture we live in keeps telling us that damned lie about perfection. Love is a web of little things like rolling up the toothpaste tube, smiling at him when you're pissed off, sharing a sunset, remembering a touch. Once in a while, you get a brass band marching down the street proclaiming your love to the world, but how many times do you go to see a parade in a year? The memory is great to have, but one memory is not the whole of real love.

"You have to share something between you. If you think that what you have now isn't working, then maybe it's time to try something different, Try that something different with each other before you go to someone else. Find a way to rebuild the trust that let led you to be married in the first place. Maybe you need a counselor, maybe you can do it yourselves, but you both have to be willing to try.

"Whatever you do, please don't make the children a battleground for your differences. They love you both; forcing them to take sides will only make things worse. Please let them love both of you, no matter what happens with you and Tom. Let them have their whole family, no matter what happens between you and me. Stephanie and I are here to help if you want it, I know Bernie and Lucy will stand by you as well. Speaking of Lucys, that soggy hunk of fur you're using for a handkerchief is called Lucy, too. She's obviously willing to give you all the love you need. Not unconditional love, you have to keep petting her, but she has enough love for a whole army of hurting souls.

"It's getting late, I think we need to get back to the campsite now. If you want to come back tomorrow and talk, we'll be here. If you want to wait until we get home, that's all right with us too. All of us want to see you and Tom happy again. Get some rest and think about it. Please."

I took a chance and gave her a quick hug, then took Stephanie's hand and started for the campground. I was pleased to see Julia and Tony kiss their mother; even Beth gave her a hug before they left. As we turned the corner of the road to the campsite, Deb was still visible in the circle of lamplight around the flagpole. I hoped she would find her way to happiness somehow.

---

We were a very quiet group as we walked back to the campground. When we lost sight of Deb, the spell was broken.

"Oh lord!" Stephanie moaned. "How did you two do it? I felt so helpless just sitting there. I couldn't think of a thing to say, but both of you were… were…." She couldn't seem to find the word she wanted. "Kate, how could you be so kind after what she said about you? And Alex! You didn't have to be part of this whole mess, but you were so wonderful. I hope we haven't ruined your vacation. How can we ever thank you?"

"You could start by clueing me in on little matters like not being lesbians before things get so intense. Was she telling the truth about you, Kate?"

"I'm afraid so. I was born male, but that seems a long time ago. I am what I am now, if that makes any sense."

"You had me completely fooled!" That was Kristen. "And when I think what we talked about driving up the mountain!"

"But you haven't been fooled, Kristen. What you see is what I really am. This isn't a costume and we're not in a play where we abandon our characters when the curtain falls. I am Kate as surely as you are Kristen or Alex is Alex. This is the reality of my life, not what I was at some time in the past. I'm not going to worry about labels like 'lesbian' or 'transsexual' or anything else. What you see is what you get. That's the reality."

"I don't know. It seems so confusing."

"Like I said, that's reality. Only novels tie things up in pretty packages when they end. Life is messy and full of surprises."

"You can say that again!" Beth said with feeling. "I go for a date with a cute guy and the next thing I know I'm in the middle of a soap opera. If my folks had any idea what was going on, I'd be grounded for the next year!"

"Good thing they're on vacation, isn't it? You'll have time to come up with an innocuous story about what you did on your summer vacation by the time they come home."

"I guess I'll have to. They would never believe me if I told them the truth! Hey — Wait a minute! You're encouraging me to lie to my parents?"

"Would telling 'the whole truth and nothing but the truth' help anyone here?"

"You've got to be kidding!"

"So, let this be something you tell your parents in about ten years, when you're safely married and they can't do anything about it but laugh."

By this time we had arrived back at the campground.

"Speaking of storytelling," Alex said, "Shall we start a fire and see if we can tell a few tall stories that have no connection to family strife, gender roles or other difficult subjects. Lucy can start, she knows a lot of shaggy dog stories."

The motion was seconded and passed with an enthusiastic voice vote. I can't say we didn't think of our problems for the rest of the vacation, but in a day or so we managed to put them aside and enjoy ourselves hiking and swimming and appreciating nature.

What else are vacations for?