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by Saless
Just a little something about an annoying trick I learned as a child. Now if only I could un-learn it...
I'm very small when I first notice. Everybody treats me like a boy! Why is that? I'm obviously a girl, so why would they treat me like a boy? Why don't they want me to be a girl?
It isn't very long before I realize; I am a boy, physically. So that's why they all think that. But that means no one will believe I'm a girl, because all the evidence says otherwise. And if I insist I'm a girl, I could end up in the loony bin! Better keep quiet.
It's not a big deal at first. My sister lets me join her when she plays with her Barbie dolls. At preschool boys and girls aren't separated much, and nobody really cares.
Then things change. I'm teased if I play with the girls, and they don't want to play with me anymore anyway. Why can't anybody see what's so obvious to me?
I try not to think about it, but you know how well that goes!
Just ignore it, that's the ticket. But everybody looks at me funny and sometimes they say mean things. Not fun. Maybe if I imitate the boys?
Okay, that didn't work. Why do they do one thing one time, and something else another? It doesn't make any sense!
I suck at acting like a boy, but maybe I can just not act like a girl?
Okay, that works a bit better. But it still bothers me. Best not to think about it.
Mind keeps coming back to it, so I try to think of something else, instead of just not thinking about it. That works a little better.
It's on my mind all the time, why can't I just be like everybody else?
Then it happens. I'm thinking about it, and...Blank!
What was I thinking about? Oh, yeah...Blank!
Something's not right...Blank!
I think I'll go play.
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Comments
Blank
Mind over matter, eh. Hope it works.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
A classic case
of Damned if you do, damned if you dont!
It's sad
And yes, un-learning it will be good.
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Cute.
Wish to whatever God or gods I could have done that. What happens next? With you I'm almost sure there is a next on this one. But if not, still nicely done.
Maggie
Not really such a wonderful
Not really such a wonderful thing, really. I did write more, but I'm still not sure if I'll use it or not. Regardless, this was the right place to stop this one. If I do post more you'll get to see why it's not such a good idea! ;)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Chilling, heartbreaking
A perfectly told little take that's like a dark corollary to Heather Rose Brown's SHOES. Identity suicide in a nutshell. As a coping mechanism this works in the short term, but so does just putting a piece of tape over the warning light telling you your warp engines are overheating and your spaceship is headed for a fiery explosion...
~~~hugs, Ronni
Well shit, I guess it really CAN happen here..,
.
This is perfect....
perfectly horrible!
Then it happens. I'm thinking about it, and...Blank!
What was I thinking about? Oh, yeah...Blank!
Something's not right...Blank!
I think I'll go play.
For me, nearly fifty years of lost memory repressed after horror; not the same specifics, but all too familiar to me! Like Ronni said, works in the short term. But the truth lies beneath the surface like a landmine. How many of us have buried 'treasures' like identity or trauma or loss or guilt or shame? Excellent.
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Can't argue with you there.
Can't argue with you there. I sometimes wonder how much stuff I've forgotten because of this that I may never get back.
Thanks Andrea! :)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
As I often do, I was worried
As I often do, I was worried about how this one would come across. I'm glad that it's not as obtuse as I feared. And yeah, definitely not something I'd recommend!
Thanks Laika! :)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America