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I sighed as I lay back in my hospital bed. My sister had just visited and it left me drained. She shouldn't come, and I feel guilty for wanting her there anyway. I was so tired of it all, but the doctors always seemed to find a way to keep me going just a little longer. Their efforts hardly seemed worth it, but they never gave up. I suppose I should be grateful for that, but it's not in me anymore.

I dream of just passing away in my sleep, peacefully and painlessly. My sister might be sad at first, but it would be better than all these scares and hospital visits. They have to be as draining for her as they are for me. But I know that's not in my future. I'll either linger on as I have been, or die painfully. No easy end for me. As it should be.

My fatigue catches up with me and I slip into slumber. Strange images pass through my mind. I can make no sense of them. Just as my dreams begin to take shape around me I'm yanked out of them by the pain. I gasp and my eyes open wide as the agony tears through me.

Alarms go off all around me and people run into the room in a well practiced panic. I'm barely aware of this as my whole body is on fire. They're doing something, but I can't tell what through the pain. I think that this is just another scare, like all the others, until the pain ramps up into even greater heights. Perhaps this is that end that I've expected? It's about time.

Doctors and nurses continue to work frantically on my broken body, but as the pain fades away I know that they will fail. I find myself looking down at my body from somewhere above it. They cling to my life far more tenaciously than I ever did, but it slips through their fingers. All efforts fail and they finally give up. Notes are made and they slowly file out of the room. Some seem saddened, while others just look tired. It's been a long fight to keep me alive, and it is over at last.

As the last nurse leaves I take a final look at my battered body. I feel no remorse at leaving that shell, only relief that the long struggle is over.

Light streams into the room from over my shoulder and I turn. There above me is a bright swirling column of light. I feel a sense of welcome and belonging emanating from it, and hear music that speaks of peace and happiness. Tears fill my spectral eyes as I gaze upon this wondrous sight.

Images fill my mind; memories of a long, lonely and miserable life. It would be so easy to walk into that light and accept the joy it offers. But something holds me back. As I look over these images of my life I realize something. A mistake has been made. I sigh, and turn away.

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