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The Working Girl Blogs Revision 2.0
Blog #51: Donating some clothes to Goodwill To see all of Bobbie's Working Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/19261/working-girl-blogs |
For the past couple of weeks, my roommate and I have been sort-of shut-ins, owing to my lawyer's recommendation to stay in for a while and my innate scaredy-cat nature. No going out, jogging, shopping, or eating out. The both of us were having a bit of cabin fever. Being all by myself was nothing new - being by myself didn't used to be a big deal. But, somehow, it is now.
I told my roommate she doesn't have to be a stay-at-home even if I did. Which was good since she quit her job at my office about two months ago, and she needed the job-hunting hours. With her credentials and her connections she already had several good leads and it was mostly interviews now. Still, I guess she was holding out for something she liked. It's not as if she needed the money.
Anyway, last weekend, my therapist called just as we got in toting a big takeout pizza and a couple of six-packs of Chuhai. She was just checking up on me, I guess. Anyway, I don't know how it came to it, but I happened to mention that it was refreshing to dress down, and I was looking forward to relaxing on the couch in comfy clothes, and watch movies. Anyway, she found out that my comfy clothes included a flannel shirt from before (I was a fan of Nirvana, so sue me).
Anyway, I got a lecture. Maybe "lecture" is too strong a word. It was more an explanation why that was a bad idea, and that, maybe, recent events may have made me want me to return to the past where these things haven't happened, yet (and wearing my old guy clothes may be part of that). I should look forward instead. I told her, in very a very "colorful" way, what I thought of that. I told her I didn't used to wear bras or skinny jeans or high-heel peep-toe booties, so how could she say I was retreating into the past, even if only in a symbolic way. And besides, boyfriend shirts are in today.
In the end, she convinced me, and I promised to get rid of any remaining guy’s stuff I may have in my closet. So yesterday, I had boxed whatever clothes I had in my closet that I had kept from before. They didn't fill up the box so I supplemented it with some other stuff I didn't want to keep anymore, brought the box to Goodwill, and waited for my receipt. (While I waited, my room mate wandered round the store and later she said she got some good ideas for Halloween costumes from seeing all the pre-owned stuff for sale.)
I still say she was off the mark and was over-reacting. But on the off-chance she was even halfway right, I decided to get rid of the clothes. The funny thing though was, when I got my receipt, it listed a dozen women's long-sleeved shirts, along with my other stuff.
See? Even the Goodwill clerk thought they were women's shirts.
Oh, well.
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Comments
Interesting.
I "think" I can understand where your therapist was coming from... But, even my wife has a few (emphasis on few) "Guy's" shirts on her side of the closet. (My wife's got relatively broad shoulders/long arms compared to the average and this results in a slightly more comfortable shirt for this...)
Personally, I can't wait to get rid of MOST of my guy stuff (well, the suits/ties, for sure). But, some of the shirts are nice and soft and ... Oh, yeah... You used that reason yourself.
I'm not surprised that the clerk listed them as ladies shirts. Heck, I've even seen some ladies shirts that button up on the "wrong" side in the past few months (someone else had to point this out to me, before I started looking)... At least for casual clothing.
Glad to hear you're still around. I hope things will improve for you, more, as time goes on.
Regards,
Anne
Dear Bobbie,
I've been meaning to contact you for a while. You and Angharad are two of my heroes. You are both very good looking; you, Bobbie, are like amazingly beautiful, and you are both employed at a high level and interacting with lots of people.
I think your therapist is a nut. Once I transitioned, I didn't have to dress up to "see" myself in the proper gender. Clothes were just clothes. Pre-op in a therapy/support group environment a few other pre-ops and I would sort of challenge each other. It was like: it's easy to pass wearing a dress; OK, I can pass wearing shorts and a top; OK, I can pass wearing shorts and a top and no make-up. etc. The thing was, if one looked womynly, one was seen as a womyn even in men's casual stuff. I have a few long sleeved and short sleeved button up tops that are men's, but look androgynous. I wear them with wimyn's jeans or jean shorts, no make-up and never have any trouble (in the general public). Some lesbians and, I guess, most tg/ts-ers read me if I'm femmed up or not.
I got together with Kim and soon we were going to wimyn's bars. At first we wore make-up, but we wanted to blend in so we stopped. We wore army pants, which seem to be unisex, old, purchased-as-guys denim jackets, whatever-we-found-that-fit clothes from thrift stores and everything was fine. We were in a lesbian motorcycle group until our bikes broke down and we didn't want to spare to money to fix them. I enjoyed watching some of the big dykes, in a straight bar out in the country, protecting Kim, who, eventho' she is 5' 8", was skinny and one of the smaller wimyn.
We wore supposedly men's clothes, but they looked just the same as what the wimyn around us wore. In summer (half the year here) hanging around the house, I mainly wear wimyn's running and bicycling clothes. I don't wear our old, men's, cut off very short jeans, like I used to, because I'm too fat now. I can't believe any therapist would tell us to only wear wimyn's clothes. We just fit in with the other wimyn. In no way were we attempting to be or be seen as guys.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Ready for work, 1992.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Could not agree more
Your therapist is being silly. She is not the gender police. I can wear men's clothing and it does not take one iota away from my femininity. Since I been transitioned for 20 years I would give her what for if she even made such a suggestion. *rolls eyes*.
So at what point is a TS beyond 'backtracking' and needing reinforcement from clothing?
Just follow what feels right to you hon.
Kim
The Working Girl Blog #51: Donating some clothes to Goodwill
Bobbie, there are some girl's sleep ware that looks like old men's shirts that was borrowed from dad,, I bet that what the Goodwill thought your clothes were.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
She's your'e therapist, not your mommy.
And, you are not 6 years old.
I think that therapists sometimes forget their proper role, and we forget their proper roles too. I had a wool shirt hanging around from the old days, and I don't know why. I felt nothing for it either way, at least on a conscious level. I suppose I wanted the ability to dress like a man if I needed it; you know shit happens. Well one day, my room mate came into my room as I was sifting through my closet and spyed that shirt. In the blink of an eye, she was holding it and purring like a kitten.
She is now the owner of that shirt, giggle. I have been post op since August 2006, and that shirt was washed several times in HOT water to get rid of bed bugs, so I do not know how it could smell like male sweat?
The only time I feel purry and clingy is when I spy a dusty farmer man's hairy chest. I just want to curl up in the middle of it and snuggle. :)
Gwendolyn
Wrong impression
First things first, of course - thank you to everyone who commented. Thank you for your appreciation, your wonderful good wishes and comments.
The reason I guess I am posting this is because the impression I seem to have given people sorta doesn't sit well with me.
First off - despite what I say about my therapist, I consider her a friend, and a very good one, too. I think, about five months ago, I blogged about going on a trip with some friends and doing the traditional Easter church visits. One of those friends was her (we were four people on that trip - my therapist, her best friend from college, me, and another long-time patient of hers who also became my friend over the years). I think I actually mentioned this to some folks from BCTS.
And as much as I complain about her, I have to say that she has been my one constant since I started on this journey over seven and a half years ago. She runs a thriving practice and doesn't really need my business, but, aside from a sense of professional duty, I dare say that the reason she maintains our relationship is that the feeling is mutual. Her support has been above and beyond, and many is the time that I have called on her, and leaned on her for support, especially during that period of estrangement from my family. In many ways she was my surrogate family even before I developed my own small (verrry small) circle of friends. The distinctions between "patient" and "therapist" and "friend" have blurred a long time ago.
I guess I have to explain the context of my therapist's advice: Way back, during my RLT, I was very hesitant to go all out, feeling that I might not be accepted and actually be made fun of, I compromised and tried to dress in an ambiguous or unisex kind of way. My therapist caught that and said that to do so would, in a way, not accomplish what RLT needed to accomplish. So, I got rid of most of my old stuff, or stored them at home. It was sort of like a crutch, or like an escape route. Like a kid hanging on to her blankie, I hung on to some of my old stuff. Switching modes, and dressing like a man, and then back - that wasn't the way to commit to a new life, and it took me a while to get rid of that security blanket. I suppose it is a kind of regression or a kind of retreat if I did resort to dressing in men's clothes.
So, although I may appear that I am complaining or whining about this, it is really not that big a deal. And, truthfully, I think there is a lot of truth in what she said. I got lots more comfortable stuff than my old shirts, and the fact that I elected to wear them now means something (truth is, I haven't touched them in years, and that I chose to wear them now is indicative of something).
Again, thanks to everyone's wonderful comments, and I send good wishes, and good thoughts, back your way, too.
To see the rest of Bobbie's "Working Girl" blogs, click this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/19261/working-girl-blogs
To see ALL of Bobbie's blogposts, click this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/bobbie-c
To see Bobbie's stories in BCTS, click this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/14775/roberta-j-cabot
Thanks
Thanks for sharing that. There are times I think my therapist and I are clicking (we have some overlapping background - having both served in the armed forces)... But, I've hesitated to find out if maybe it's more. At least until I've transitioned, It's probably best that the relationship remain wherever it is. It's nice to know the possibility exists.
Anne