The Working Girl Blogs Revision 2.0 Blog #48: Sweating up a storm - The honeymoon is over To see all of Bobbie's Working Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/19261/working-girl-blogs

Nope. This is not a commercial for a post in the Stories section or something like that, but a real, honest-to-goodness blog. So be cool.

Anyway...

Yesterday, I had my first jog in weeks. You would think that having started all of this jogging more than five months ago, it would be less of a novelty. But it still is, and I still enjoy it as a welcome change from my day-to-day, and not just a way to keep healthy. And I guess all of us have a bit of an exhibitionist streak (though I don't mean I go around jogging in the nude lol),

But due to a too-heavy workload at the office that I am not yet used to, lately I'm usually short of sleep rations, which I usually make up for during the weekends, so, lately, I haven't had the energy nor the drive to push on with my Saturday morning jogs.

But yesterday, I did. I didn't have much of a choice, really, as my jogging "posse" had practically insisted (or as close to insisting as they ever did). My roommate had left the night before to go visit some relatives in Hawaii this Labor Day weekend (yes, I've had a roommate for about a month now, ever since I got back - tell you about her later, maybe). She did ask me to go with her, but I begged off. Yeah, I know. Hawaii. I should get my head examined. But I didn't want to intrude in what should be a just-for-family thing - I didn't know the Japanese customs for such things so I thought I'd pass. In any case, I reasoned that if it was really okay to go, she'd have insisted. Since she didn't, I think I was right. The operative words there being "I think..." Don't mind me. Whether or not that's the way a girl would think is beside the point. At this point, this twisty kind of thinking is a Bobbie thing.

Anyway. I was feeling lonely, so I agreed, and decided to go home as early as I could, fully intending to be rested enough to resume my jogging.

Given how hot it was nowadays, I just wore a t-shirt bra, a simple white t-shirt, short shorts, socks and sneakers. I'm sure those of you who wear contact lenses know that it's sometimes uncomfortable wearing contacts when you're short on sleep - swollen eyes or something like that, maybe - so I wore my glasses instead. My roommate wore glasses, too, and I raided her stuff to borrow her sports strap (that's an elastic strap that goes behind the back of your head and attaches to your glasses so they don't fall off).

My hair was getting fairly long now, as I had deliberately had the hairdressers not touch the length of it every time I visited the hair salon. It's now just past my shoulders but it was also long in front and on the sides. I guess I am not yet too at-home at exclusively girls' places and was a little shy, still, so I never could tell my hairdresser what kind of cut or style I wanted so I usually end up following her suggestions. So it ended up being long all around. I had been getting by with styles that parted my hair in the middle. My roommate, knowing this of me, had made an appointment with my hairdressers for me, and she said it was all set for Saturday at around ten (making me my hairdresser's first appointment of the day).

Anyway, my hair was long enough that I ended up lengthening the sports strap and passing it underneath my hair.

Come 7AM, I went down to the lobby as usual, and I saw seven people downstairs - all six girls from my office that jogged with me off and on, plus the analyst I had called "Mr. Personality" in my head - someone I thought would be one of my worst critics, but turned out to be one of my most loyal and talented people. A jogging group of eight. Hoo boy.

Anyway, we went out and had our usual hour-long jog. With temperatures near the high eighties, we were all soaking at the end. I, for one, was totally drenched. Instead of going to Soho, our usual coffee spot, for refreshment and a bit of rest, given the big group, we went to a little juice bar two blocks away that one of the girls knew of, that was next door to some gym.

The bar was a little more upscale and was fairly deserted. The waitress who led us to a large booth didn't turn up her nose at our sweaty condition (she's probably used to it - people from the gym probably frequented the place).

Anyway, after a bit of chit-chat, as I was polishing my glasses on a dry corner of my t-shirt, the guys told me the reason for this (and here I was assuming it was just for exercise).

It was a sort of leave-taking - four of the girls and the guy were being transferred to other sites. I was pleased to hear them say that they wouldn't have opted for the transfer if they could have stayed as part of my team, but the promotion and the raise that came with the transfer was hard to turn down, especially during these times, although I was fairly sure they were just being polite to a soon-to-be ex-boss.

I said I appreciated it, and wished them well, but apparently that wasn't all.

Mr. Personality broke the news: they knew.

I drew a blank when I heard that, but after a few moments, I understood. They knew I was TS.

After my brain rebooted, and felt a wave of despair wash over me, I said that I never hid the fact that I was TS. But, as one of the girls pointed out, I never told anyone either, and the guy said that I can't use the excuse that no one asked.

I nodded at that, and hung my head, fearing that I was being ostracized again. At least they weren't being violent.

One of the other girls, the one sitting beside me, put an arm around me and gave me a hug, and they said that they didn't care about that, and that made me cry.

As I got myself under control, I asked who else knew, and they said practically everyone in the office knew. It seems that when I left for my overseas trip, the information from my HR file was "discovered" by someone and the news spread. I said I didn't know that anyone else knew. Actually, everyone had concluded that I didn't know, given how I was behaving.

We talked about it, and I realized that I now know the reason why several of the people in the office were not as friendly, some actually very brusque and preternaturally argumentative. No one confronted me openly, but I finally figured out what some of the cryptic, slightly insulting comments I have been hearing from time to time.

Also, they told me the other reason they wanted to jog with me today - it was so that they could catch me alone and bring up a delicate question (Hah! As if their first piece of news wasn't delicate enough).

It seemed that there were rumors that the reason so many were being transferred out was because I knew that they knew, and I was instigating all of the transfers. I vehemently denied that, and explained the real reason why: the main office was considering shutting us down, and, to make sure that some of the good people weren't hit by the probable shutdown, they were being transferred to the company's offices that were not in danger of being shut down - the company had five offices in town, and most of the ones moving out were being transferred to these offices, while the others were being transferred to the ones in DC.

They were wondering why there were a lot from the team being transferred. I got a bit mad at that and said that they all deserved to have their employment safeguarded, and that's why the boss had them transferred AND promoted. At least, with these transfers, there wouldn't be any firings, cutbacks, or pay cuts in the office. And that my only disappointment was they didn't do it for everyone.

All of them nodded at that, and I imagined that they felt big a weight being lifted off their shoulders.

They asked why I wasn't being transferred. I said I was actually being transferred but I asked not to be, and we talked a bit about that. (I won't go into the reasons why here. Maybe later.)

After talking some more about the transfers and the changes in the office, I asked some of the questions topmost in my mind. And they all said that most of the people didn't really care one way or the other, and the few that had problems with it - HR and the boss had talks with them. I took that with a grain of salt, and actually started getting scared to go back to the office.

The girl beside me said to not worry, and whatever happens, they didn't care, and they would kick the butt of anyone who tried to make trouble.

Eventually we left the place and went our separate ways, and I went home to take a bath and get ready for my salon appointment, but all through my shower, and throughout the rest of my day, I couldn't help but brood about the news. In fact, I didn't even pay too much attention to what my hairdresser had done to my hair until the smell of the chemicals she used on my hair clued me in, but by that time it was too late. My roommate apparently gave instructions to have my hair straightened, and to give me bangs. After it was done, I had looked at the mirror and, though I didn't like it at first glance, I guess it was a cute style, and it'll probably grow on me (I guess I have to explain - my roommate's ideas on style is a little on the young, offbeat side. She's Japanese, though she has been in the country for more than five years and speaks excellent English. She's just a little over twenty-three, and had a very Japanese kind of style. If I were forced to explain, let's just say her tastes wouldn't be out of place in the pages of some manga comic, or in some anime cartoon. Perhaps that's an exaggeration, but I think you know what I mean.) Anyway, My hairdresser said that a lot of the length was preserved, and there was enough length that I could change the style if I didn't like the one I had now, but to give it a week or two so the chemicals she used could leach out a bit.

I prayed that the office staff would be cool with them knowing I was TS, but, apparently, they knew for more than five weeks already, and I didn't know they knew. But I guess it makes a difference that I knew they knew... heehee. Talk about schizoid girls, huh?

My greatest fear nowadays was that everything I've built up would come crashing down. I had always thought that my new job was too good to be true. Maybe I was right. Maybe the honeymoon was over, and my charmed days at my new job have passed. Last night, the nightmares were pretty bad, and in the morning, I wanted to talk/chat with some friends but none were around. In desperation, I called up my therapist, and I guess she got me turned around to the right way of thinking - that they already knew, long before I knew they knew, and the office atmosphere wasn't affected ("affected much," I corrected her, but only in my head, of course), and whatever happens, I should tackle them as they come, and not to anticipate the worst.

She's right, of course. I think she's right. But that doesn't allay my fears much. At least there's no work tomorrow, postponing, even for just one day, my having to face the office staff. And maybe that will allow me to enjoy the Labor Day Weekend parades and stuff. At least, I'm gonna be facing them looking good in my cute new 'do. Heehee...

Later, after church, I was supposed to go to mom & dad's for dinner. I'm thinking of calling them and asking if I can sleep over tonight. I sure do wish my roommate was here.

To see ALL of Bobbie's blogposts, click this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/bobbie-c To see Bobbie's stories in BCTS, click this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/14775/roberta-j-cabot