Princess For Hire Part 12

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Princess for Hire

By Melanie Ezell

Daniel Henderson has managed to beat the odds and been accepted into Kingston Academy, one of the best private high schools in the country. However, when Daniel is invited to take part in a special program, he learns that there's more to the school than he had thought...

NOTE: This story is loosely -- as in VERY loosely -- based on the manga/anime "Princess Princess." After the initial concept, any similarities are mostly coincidental, unless they aren't. (Puzzle that out why don't ya.)

Part 12: The Princesses shop (Thanksgiving Interlude 3)

-34-

I was hardly surprised to find that Sarah was the first of us to be ready for the shopping trip, but I was quite surprised to find that I was actually looking forward to it a great deal more than I had expected. Even the hour long car ride to reach the nearest mall had done little to dampen my spirits, with Sarah's giddy bouncing in her seat and constant chattering leaving me laughing any time I started to feel the slightest bit nervous.

That was until I saw the parking lot.

"Good god!"

Sarah's mom chuckled wearily as she trolled up and down the lanes, looking for an empty space in the sea of cars. "Trust me, it would have been worse if we'd come out yesterday. It's called Black Friday for a reason."

"Why?" I asked.

"'Cause even if a store's doing badly, after Black Friday, all their numbers will be 'in the black,'" Sarah said with one of her trademark giggles.

"Oh."

I watched the hordes of people entering and leaving the mall, and tried to imagine what it must have been like the day before, with all the so-called after Thanksgiving deals. I shuddered.

"It's not THAT bad," Sarah's mom said when she saw my reaction. "Though today we're less likely to find anything good than if we'd -- DAMMIT! Asshole!" She called out her window at the man who had just swerved into the lone empty parking space in the entire lot.

Fifteen minutes later, we finally managed to find a vacated space near the outside of the lot and far from the stores. The moment we parked, Sarah shot from her seat as though she were on a spring.

"Yay! SHOOOPPPIIINNNGGG!" She called as she raced ahead of us toward the mall, barely avoiding several other visitors and a rogue shopping cart.

Miss Sakaki nudged me with her elbow and grinned, crossing her arms. "Aren't you gonna follow her?"

I shrugged. "I'm not much of a shopper."

Her grin slipped, and a low sigh escaped. "Tell me about it. I'd much rather just buy things in the off season when they're cheap, or shop online even. But Sarah..." She watched as her daughter jumped up and down, causing the flaps and strings on her baggy toboggan cap to jump as well as she waved us toward the store.

I had a feeling I knew what she was thinking. Sometimes it was hard to tell how much of Sarah's personality was really her, and how much of it she put on because she thought that as a girl, it was how she should act. Just the day before I had caught sight of a stack of comic books in her room, but when I mentioned them she had hidden them away, saying they were "left over," even though I had noticed a few recent editions in the stack.

Regardless of what her motives might have been, the chill in the air was enough of a motivation for me to hurry toward the doors myself, and soon I was in the happy embrace of the mall's central heating, leaving me with a completely new dilemma.

"Come on, you know if you leave it on you'll be burning up pretty soon."

I could feel myself blushing as I undid the zip on the coat Sarah had lent me, and did my best not to look down -- seeing myself with a prominent chest once had been traumatic enough.

Not that refusing to look down helped any, as I could still feel the false breasts bouncing with each step. Sarah had said that they would help me blend in better, which I doubted, but her mother's argument had been the one that had convinced me to give them a shot.

"You were saying the other day that you wished there were more separation between you as a boy and as a girl, right?"

"Yeah," I had said, nodding while I was trying to get dressed that morning.

"Well, breasts would go a long way toward that."

"But I don't wanna wear fake boobs all day."

"I understand, but it would help to add another thing that makes your girl self different from you as a boy."

I could see where she was coming from, but as of yet I was still unconvinced. By the time I thought to argue, though, Sarah had already glued them on, and after a nasty trick where she pretended not to have any remover, we had gotten on our way. I could not let them be seen, since Sarah had a very different skin tone than I, but the effect they had on those around me already scared me.

I had gotten looks from people before, but now, there were many more of them, especially from the boys and men we passed. It truly is surprising how much difference a few ounces of silicone can make.

"Here's our first stop," Sarah said, grabbing my hand and dragging me headlong into a store before I could catch its name, calling out "this way," as she led me toward the girl's section.

I did my best to play along, matching Sarah's enthusiasm with if not an equal amount then at least enough to to keep her happy while Ms. Sakaki browsed the women's styles a little further down from us.

"And this... and this... oh, you'd look good in this too!"

"Huh?"

"Come on, the changing room's over here!"

"Wait!" I said, realizing I had missed something somewhere along the line. "Sarah, I can't go in there."

"Why not?"

"Because it's..." I quietened myself down to a harsh whisper. "It's a girl's changing room!"

"So?"

I tried to speak, but my mouth would not form the words. Instead, I numbly took the clothes from Sarah and entered the room, telling myself that it was not like there would be anyone watching me. I still did not feel comfortable, though.

-35-

"Yeah, you HAVE to have that."

I looked down at myself and fought hard to suppress the sigh that wanted to escape. Unfortunately, I did not fight hard enough.

"What? You don't like it?"

I turned away from the mirror and faced a confused looking Sarah. "It's not that, Sarah, it's fine, but..."

"You look nice in skirts," she said, with a shrug.

"I don't need to spend my money on skirts and dresses, Sarah," I said, giving her a meaningful look.

"Well, they've got some cute sweaters and things over-"

"No, Sarah," I almost snapped, then calmed myself. "I don't need any more girl's clothes."

"I think it's time for us to take a break," Sarah's mom said from the side, shushing Sarah before she could speak. I quickly returned to the changing room of our fourth store of the day and put back on my tee and jeans before exiting and handing Ms. Sakaki the sweater dress I had been trying on.

We said little to one another on our way to the food court, a small break I was immensely glad for. It had been non-stop trying on of clothes since we had arrived, and I had already spent more than I had wanted on dresses, skirts, shoes, tops, and a whole host of other things. Admittedly, ideally I would have spent nothing on them, but that was not the point, nor was the fact that it was thanks to the Princess program I had the money to spend.

After settling on a table, we all fell silent again until we had collected our food. I chose a burger and fries while Sarah and her mom both opted for a deli a few stalls down, and when we finally met back up at the table, Sarah looked very upset.

"What's wrong?" I asked, setting down my tray next to hers and scooting into the booth beside her.

She looked over at me. "Are you not having fun today?"

I sighed. "Of course I am, Sarah. Why?"

"Because, you looked like you were getting mad, and I'm just trying to help and I thought we were having fun with the clothes and things, and..." She stopped for a moment, breathing in and out before facing me again with red eyes. "Did I make you mad or something?"

I looked over at Ms. Sakaki for help, but she simply shook her head and gave me a look that said quite clearly; I had to do this myself.

"You didn't make me mad," I told Sarah, wrapping my arm around her shoulder in a light squeeze. "I just don't get into clothes as much as you do. And, Sarah?"

"Yeah?"

I hesitated, but had to say it. "As much as you might not agree with me, I'm a guy, not a girl."

"I know that!"

"Sarah." Ms. Sakaki said, in a sharp tone.

Sarah looked between the two of us with wide eyes.

"I do!"

I let her go and leaned back. "Sarah... what's my name?"

"Becky."

"Daniel."

"What?"

"Daniel. My name's Daniel. Beck is a nickname my dad gave me when I was little, 'cause he used to have this album he would listen to all the time and I would always sing along with it. He thought it was cute, so he started calling me Beck after the guy on the CD, and I liked it, so that's usually what I ask my friends to call me. But my name is Daniel."

This was the last thing I wanted to do, especially in the middle of a crowded mall. I could see Sarah growing more upset and confused. I gave Ms. Sakaki another pleading glance, and this time, she seemed to take the hint and stepped in.

"Honey, I think what Becky -- Beck," she smiled at me, "is trying to say, is that she... he, doesn't want to be a girl all the time like you."

I nodded. "Speaking of which, I NEED to get some boy's clothes today too. After that, we can do some more girl type shopping, alright? Just... can we tone it down a bit?"

"Umm, yeah?" She said, uncertain, so I gave her a hug.

"Thanks."

She squeezed me back, and held on for a moment before letting go.

"Now, if we're all through with that," her mom said, with a giggle that sounded exactly like Sarah's, " let's eat so we can get started again, and then GO HOME."

"Amen to that," I said, starting in on my fries.

"Aww," Sarah whined, but I was glad to see she no longer looked upset at us.

-36-

"I think I'll just hang back here while ya'll look, if that's alright."

"Are you sure?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she said, crossing her arms and staring at her feet. "I'll wait here."

I looked up at the sign. It said "boys and men." I shrugged. "Alright, I'll be right back."

"'Kay."

I turned to Ms. Sakaki, and without a word she nodded, crossing over to stand next to Sarah and hug her while I headed into the men's section in search of a few essentials.

Underwear. What size was I? I hazarded a guess a size larger than the worn-out ones I had back at school, grabbing two packs, and on impulse grabbed a couple of pairs of boxers as well. I needed jeans, too, and a few tee shirts. All in all, it took me less than ten minutes to find everything I needed and pay for it, and I was out the door, back with Sarah and her mom.

We tried a couple of stores on the other end of the mall, but it was obvious that Sarah was not really in the mood any more, so we soon wrapped up what purchases we had left to make and headed out for the car.

On the way home, Miss Sakaki and I talked a bit about school, and my dad, and a few other things, but Sarah stayed mostly silent, almost a complete reversal from her bright, sunny mood on the way out. As soon as we pulled in at her home, she climbed out and grabbed her bags, heading in without a word.

I went to follow her, but Miss Sakaki's hand on my shoulder stopped me.

When I looked at her, she shook her head. "Let her be alone for a little while."

I nodded, but inside, I felt like I had broken something. "I didn't mean to hurt her feelings."

She smiled. "I know. And I think she knows that too. But right now she wants to think, and she always does that best alone."

We grabbed our purchases and took them in, but I never unpacked mine. Instead, I collapsed onto my air mattress and had a good sulk of my own.

I had blown it. My best friend, and I had driven her off. Just the other day I had even told myself that being a girl was a small price to pay for her friendship, and then what do I do but to throw it all away over some crap about being a guy.

I wanted to kick myself, but more than that I wanted things to be simpler. Being a girl sometimes was not so bad, but I could never relax when dressed as a girl, not because of the clothes but because it always seemed to be associated with being busy, either with school, Princess duties, or like the last two days, with other people. I adjusted my bra strap, pulling on the false breasts and reminding me they were there. Had I really forgotten about them for the past... "Five hours?" I asked myself in amazement as I looked at my watch. Sure enough.

I must have lain there at least an hour, just stewing, before a gentle cough from the door distracted me.

"Can I come in?"

I looked up, and it was Tommy, Sarah's older brother.

"Yeah, sorry," I said, sitting up and wiping my eyes, making sure there had not been any tears.

He flopped down on the couch at the other end of the room, propping his feet up on the coffee table, then just sat there, saying nothing for a few moments, before finally speaking again.

"Sarah's really sensitive, you know."

I looked down. "Yeah. I know."

"Do you know why?"

"Because she's the only girl-girl at our school?"

He shook his head, then paused, steepling his fingers. "If I tell you this," he continued, "promise me you won't tell her I told you."

I nodded, but he said nothing. "I promise," I finally said, holding out my hand.

"Good," he said, and kissed the back of my hand again, just like that first day, but this time, there was something different in it, and it did not make me feel uncomfortable or blush. It was like sealing an oath.

"We hardly ever see Mom's side of the family. They don't talk about it when they think we can hear, but from what I understand they never approved of our dad."

"Why not?"

He let out a harsh laugh, devoid of humor. "Probably because he isn't a doctor or a lawyer or something like that. We were never supposed to hear, but when I was little I heard them telling Mom how disappointed they were that she hadn't married better. They were more concerned for social standing than her happiness. But Mom loved them, and they still loved her, so they worked through their differences for the most part."

"That was until Sarah came out." He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and staring into my eyes. "Dad takes the blame, but he wouldn't have pushed Sarah to try and be more boyish if grandpa and grandma Ichihara hadn't told him to. He wanted to be accepted by them just as much as we did."

"After being accepted into the Princess program, the first thing Sarah did the next time she came home was to throw out all her boy's clothes. Mom and Dad didn't like it, but it didn't really take her as much explaining as she thinks before she won them over to her side. Thanksgiving, well, it wasn't that much different from this year's. Dad's family is all pretty tightly knit, and now that they've accepted you you'll have to murder one of them before they'll disown you." He smiled when he said that, but his sombre mood quickly returned.

"At Christmas, though, we used to always go to Mom's family."

I felt a chill roll down my spine as I watched his mood visibly darken.

"They weren't cruel to her, but they were very cold. Don't get me wrong, they've never been like Dad's family, but before, we would always get a hug when we arrived, and one when we left. That year, they didn't hug anyone but Mom. We were no longer family; we were visitors.

Then we got around to presents. For most of us it was the normal selection of gifts, a cheap tie for Dad, some new button down shirts for me, and a nice dress for Mom. Then it came to Sarah, and they had a huge box for her. She was so excited, and looked so happy when she started to unwrap it." He stopped.

"What was it?" I asked.

"A complete new wardrobe."

I looked at him, confused by the anger in his voice.

"Pants, shirts, shoes, all in her old boy's sizes. 'It's time to end this silliness,' Grandma Ichihara said, and then she tried to drag Sarah into the bathroom and make her change, telling her she would never be a real girl."

I watched his fists clench and unclench as he sat there, the tension in him evident. I felt like I wanted to throw up.

"Mom grabbed Sarah and started yelling at Grandma, then Grandpa and Grandma both started yelling at Mom in Japanese, and we all left. Sarah wouldn't even come out of her room for almost a week after, and when she finally did, it was like she had changed. She still went to the school, but she won't admit to liking anything if it isn't considered feminine, and she tries as hard as she can to be as girlish as she can because she wants to prove Grandma and Grandpa wrong."

My vision began to blur, causing me to reach up and wipe my eyes, which is when I realized I was crying. "That's horrible," I said, dropping my hands in my lap.

"But that's Sarah. And now you know." Tommy stood up, then forced a smile onto his face. "Sarah talks about you all the time, you know. You're her best friend."

"I know."

He said nothing else, but nodded and left the room. As he left, I saw him look over and grow wide eyed, before nodding and heading upstairs.

As soon as he was gone, Sarah entered, her eyes red from crying.

"Sarah, I'm so sorry," I said, feeling my voice growing hoarse from trying not to cry.

She sat down next to me, and without saying anything we hugged one another, letting each other's tears fall freely, mine for her, and hers for... I cannot be sure, but I think herself, and for both of us too.

That night, we spent hours talking, her parents and Tommy never bothering us once. We talked about everything we could think of. Things that made us happy; things that made us sad; and things that we had no clue what to think about. And at the end of it all, we understood each other.

"Best friends forever?" She asked me, holding out her pinky with a small smile on her face as we lay facing each other on the floor.

"Best friends forever," I said, and took her pinky in mine, grinning back at her.

We never let go, even when we both fell asleep.

(End of Part 12)

END NOTES:

WOW. Talk about your characters rewriting a story for you!

I had been expecting this part to be lighthearted, and fun, and everything that in the end, it isn't. I had known that Beck would go shopping for boy's clothes, and what Sarah's reaction would be when that happened, but the rest of the events even took ME by surprise while I was writing it. I had known some of what made Sarah tick roughly, but this... again, most of this is as much a surprise to me as it was to you.

This also marks a landmark as being the part that officially pushes the PFH text document up past page 100, so yay for that.

Again, WOW.

I'm sorry I didn't give you the shopping trip I had been expecting, but who knows? Maybe at a later date I can pull it off. Hopefully, you like the exposition in this section enough to make up for it.

Melanie E.

PS: The usual. IF YOU COMMENT, MORE WILL COME!

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Comments

Never mind the shopping trip

there is enough of that in TG fiction that I have gotten into the habit of skipping over most of it. After being full time for 20 years, shopping, well I am more like Mrs Sakaki now but I do like to skim the racks once in a while. Even with cheap Chinese stuff, clothes is not THAT cheap, ya know?

I love the insight into Sarah's behavior as this chapter is more Sarah's story than Beck's. It's common for t-girls newly transformed to over compensate. What this whole chapter tells me though is that Beck firmly identifies as a boy but gender wise may be a bit more flexible. That can change a bit of course but that leads to a question of what Beck's role will be in the rest of the tale? Sexually speaking, he seems locked down so what is next on his evolution in this tale?

Kim

Sarah

Jemima Tychonaut's picture

I thought you captured the character of Sarah perfectly. And while I do enjoy shopping (the lure of the wild shoe is strong) I've never really got the whole TG shopping thing you find in some stories. I'd much rather have a character driven plot and you delivered it beautifully. I loved the way it was a study of Sarah in many ways without once seeing things from her perspective. We saw Sarah through her brother, her parents and from Beck's view and it all produced a well rounded sketch of her. Yes, it wasn't full of the same degree of light heartedness that the school seems to bring to episodes but the whole thanks giving holiday chapters have been a little different and it's been a nice contrast to the main story.

As for the comic books, I totally identify with that. I sold the hundreds (if not thousands) of comic books I'd amased through my teens and twenties in my first year full time only to start rebuying them eighteen months ago in graphic novel format. The urge to break between old and new identities in symbolic ways is strong even without the abuse Sarah received.

And of course this story is as much about Beck's search for identity as it is about the princess programme. On one hand he has Leslie and the other he has Sarah both representing two different possible outcomes from the princess programme. It's interesting trying to guess where Beck or Becky will end up at the end.

Great work Melanie.



"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Your final paragraph made a BIG point

And one could argue that Sarah and Becky are opposite sides of the coin not unlike Sarah and Leslie are contrasting examples in the Princess program.

In the Program Leslie is a girl but only for the experience and the cash, HE is solidly male otherwise both in mind and appearance. Sarah is a female at heart, if not body, and now we know that a little of her excessive girlyness is in reaction to HER meddling grandparents. Her body was androgynous to somewhat female as is Becky's but I assume she is now being treated so is becoming physically more feminine.

Put another way, the grandparents refuse or can't see Sarah as anything other than a male child despite her and her family's acceptance of her becoming a girl for life. Yet most who don't know her assume she is female.

Becky has kind of the opposite problem, he is clearly male in his mind, though perhaps mildly curious about being female, Yet the majority of people he meet think SHES a girl. HE desperately wants to be seen as and remain a male but will the real world let him? And he is not gay like his bio father. Nor is he gay as his step father, brothers and mom fear he may be. We aren't even sure of his sexual preferences but then many kids at that age are not. Becky even is being pressured by well meaning people into living as a girl. Look at this whole Thanksgiving break and how he/she was initally treated by Sarah and her warm family. Can he ever get HIS or HER own way in life?
siblings fear.

John in Wauwatosa

Two sides of the same coin?

Jemima Tychonaut's picture

Or perhaps Beck and Becky are two sides to the same coin? I'm not so sure Beck is 100% male in mind given the ending to this chapter:

"Best friends forever?" She asked me, holding out her pinky with a small smile on her face as we lay facing each other on the floor.

"Best friends forever," I said, and took her pinky in mine, grinning back at her.

We never let go, even when we both fell asleep.

It's not something I can think of a typical teenage boy doing.

Whether it is deliberate or not, it's almost at times as if the chapters have genders. This one was definitely a very male Beck speaking, where as others have sounded like a female Becky speaking. But then, it's part of the fun of the story, guessing who the character is going to end school as. It's sort of a gender sleuth story following the clues!! ;-)

BTW, that's an amazing ending set of lines Melanie.



"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

THE shopping trip done to perfection

Not that the happy, giggly TG girl/transformee shopping trip to the mall can't be fun and well written. Your twist on this cliché of TG lit was refreshing.

Comic and all too true in capturing the mania that is post Thanksgiving shopping. Could FEEL the mother's rage at the rude driver in the lot. The mother's family reaction at the Christmas flashback was a fine counterpoint. It was also an old standby of storytelling but with a twist on the old world traditions vs. new world family conflicts or the child refusing to be forced into the family business plotlines that is a feature in many a book or film. Yours was well within this tradition but with a refreshing change.

Any typos were few and minor mostly. No need to apologies for this posting.

Very engaging.

John in Wauwatosa, well one of them anyways. I seem to be multiplying today.

John in Wauwatosa

Wow!

Angharad's picture

Multiple Wauwatosa Syndrome! I've heard it's serious.

Angharad

Angharad

I love this!

Andrea Lena's picture

"Best friends forever?" She asked me, holding out her pinky with a small smile on her face as we lay facing each other on the floor.

"Best friends forever," I said, and took her pinky in mine, grinning back at her.

We never let go, even when we both fell asleep.

Beautiful! Thank you.


She was born for all the wrong reasons
but grew up for all the right ones
Con grande amore e di affetto, Andrea Lena

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

Shopping in stories

Angharad's picture

is boring, and really only a backdrop for character interaction or the exploration of the central character's feelings, and even then it gets boring. I've been doing it on and off for forty years, and while it was an adrenalin rush when I was then cross dressing, and I was doing the whole girly thing - it soon palled when I was full time and then post op. Yeah, I still like looking at clothes and shoes, but I'd just as soon look at bikes or books - and I have too many of those as well.

The way your characters led you was very successful, Melanie.

Angharad

Angharad

It is as it should be

The English Teacher's picture

Often times one finds some surprising things about themselves as well. Continuing in the same vain can only make it and you better.

So much to read, so little time and only one of me :)

The English Teacher

So much to read, so little time and only one of me :)

The English Teacher

Princess For Hire Part 12

To me, the history behind Sarah's being so girly was needed to help explain who she is. Now I'd love to se those ******older people who are suppposed to be grandparents see how wrong they were.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Character Control

terrynaut's picture

I love losing control of the story to my characters. It's their story after all. I just transcribe it. I'm happy to hear that I'm not the only one.

I like how you handled the shopping trip. It helped focus on some important issues in this chapter. Very nicely done.

One thing about Beck bothered me in this chapter. Beck agreed to be a girl for the day, and with the falsies, she was more girl than ever. Having her insist on getting some boy clothes during the shopping trip seemed like a slap in the face to Sarah. The boy clothes could've been bought at another time.

I still really like this chapter though. Tommy's revelation helped me to appreciate Sarah more and the ending was so very sweet.

Thanks!

- Terry

When?

One thing about Beck bothered me in this chapter. Beck agreed to be a girl for the day, and with the falsies, she was more girl than ever.

That's true, but Beck reluctantly wore the falsies based on Sara's Mom's arguement. The fact Sara claimed she didn't have any remover after she went ahead and glued them on, kind of 'cemented' the idea and gave Beck no choice but to continue to wear them, as mentioned in the quote below.

Not that refusing to look down helped any, as I could still feel the false breasts bouncing with each step. Sarah had said that they would help me blend in better, which I doubted, but her mother's argument had been the one that had convinced me to give them a shot.

"You were saying the other day that you wished there were more separation between you as a boy and as a girl, right?"

"Yeah," I had said, nodding while I was trying to get dressed that morning.

"Well, breasts would go a long way toward that."

"But I don't wanna wear fake boobs all day."

"I understand, but it would help to add another thing that makes your girl self different from you as a boy."

I could see where she was coming from, but as of yet I was still unconvinced. By the time I thought to argue, though, Sarah had already glued them on, and after a nasty trick where she pretended not to have any remover, we had gotten on our way. I could not let them be seen, since Sarah had a very different skin tone than I, but the effect they had on those around me already scared me.

Then you mentioned....

Having her insist on getting some boy clothes during the shopping trip seemed like a slap in the face to Sarah. The boy clothes could've been bought at another time.

When? The only time mentioned in the story that Beck had a pass into town, Sara accompanied him. Even if there were other times, if Sara also accompanied him on those occassions, you can pretty well assume Becky went into town as it was already disclosed that Sara always had Becky around her because she felt more comfortable with Becky, than with Beck.

Logically though, this was the best opportunity for Beck to grab some clothes as Sara's parents understood the need for Beck to be himself and would therefore step in on Beck's behalf when it came to Sara's opposition. It also had the side benifit of forcing Sara, both during the shopping trip and later in conversation at the house ... to come to grips, even more than she has to this point ... that unlike herself, Daniel/Beck(y) is really a boy who has repeatedly stated that he has no desire to be a girl.

Learning that Sara's OTT girly-girl attitude is a reaction to her Mom's parents, maybe Becky might be a good influence on her in the long run. Sara has admitted that Beck is so natural as Becky (maybe there's some envy there?). However, in one of the earlier chapters, Beck mentioned that he acted the same, whether Beck or Becky, unlike the other Princesses who had distinct male and female personas.

I'm thinking that maybe through observation, Sara might see that it's okay for a girl to show she's openly interested in some things she currently considers 'excusively male domain' (like comics, etc) and thus find a more comfortable balance between 'Sara' and her former self?

PB

Beck's identity

We know he's flexible on the gender front but still self-identifies as male. Perhaps one reason he's apprehensive about the whole 'girl' business is explored in this extract:

I wanted to kick myself, but more than that I wanted things to be simpler. Being a girl sometimes was not so bad, but I could never relax when dressed as a girl, not because of the clothes but because it always seemed to be associated with being busy, either with school, Princess duties, or like the last two days, with other people.

It seems as though when dresed en femme, he's always busy, either being told what to do, herded places, or just generally kept occupied. He hasn't had a chance to explore his feminine side by himself, in his own time, without distractions from others. It almost certainly wouldn't change his self-identification, but it might allow him to feel more comfortable when presenting en femme.

As for differentiating between 'male' and 'female', while he could take acting / drama / costume lessons to learn to enhance his apparent masculinity when in 'boy mode', that probably wouldn't work in the long term because it would be an act, rather than normality - so it could probably make matters worse because he'd be putting on a certain amount of acting in both roles, rather than being his natural androgynous self.

 

Bike Resources

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Girl boy

Figuring out our "persona", God, I hate that word, does anyone have a better one?

I've been out for years. The day I transitioned was the first time I'd actually been in public, and I was so angry about being thrown out by my wife of 40 years and my family, that I just got dressed, and astraly said, "fuck you" to them. I got in my truck and drove to a Gender support group. They thought I'd been out for years, and I expect that I was carried along on the wings of my indignation. In my mind, I passed completely and I was ready to dismember anyone who thought other wise. :)

Now that I've lived over 5 years as a Woman, I sometimes let my guard down and wind up eating like a Man, walking like one, or GASP, even talking like one. OH, horror of horrors! Still, for me being in my "woman" role is most comfortable. Several months ago, I stupidly pretended to be a man, and it took only hours before I was sobbing piteously.

So, I can like so totally "get" Beck's struggling with the roles. I don't have a problem with Beck actually being male. It will however make him a much better one; sensitive to the special needs of a woman. After all, I think this story is actually about Sarah. I don't mind that at all. After all we need lots more Muggles (People who are not T) to be educated and learn how to treat a lady who actually made the choice to be a lady. Those so called, "real women" have nothing on us because they were born into it and never had to make a choice. We did and we fight for it. Yaaayyyy!

Gwen

Excellent thoughts everyone!

Well! I'm happy to see that even if this part isn't what I had been expecting it to be, it's still got people talking. A lot of people have had some really amazing comments and views into what makes the characters tick, and I'm having a blast seeing what people pull from what I write considering that I usually don't really try to add anywhere near the depth to my characters that people see in them.

I'm also glad that noone was annoyed by the lack of overall shopping in the shopping trip. I almost always skim/skip long drawn out shopping scenes or clothes descriptions in stories I read unless the description legitimately adds something to the scene, and while I know there are a lot of people who enjoy that kind of thing, well, even not having started transition yet *sigh* I'm not what you would call a shopaholic usually.

And now for a few direct responses:

Tychonaut -- your comment that the chapters have "genders" themselves made me pause for a moment, as it's something I hadn't ever thought of before, but looking back I can see what you're saying. As for looking for clues in my stories... clues? What clues? I honestly have no idea what Becky's end choice on anything is going to be any more than anyone else, and I never really have. I know how the story ends... but that's not necessarily the same thing. Dun dun DUUUNNNN!

Angharad/The English Teacher -- first off, since I never mentioned it on my last post, thanks for the input on my word use. I worry about my writing sounding repetitive, but I've not got any plans to start using bigger words when I could use a simpler one. I just tend to forget about more common synonyms as well that might work better in certain situations, like "guffaw" in place of laugh if it truly describes a character's laugh better. Second of all, well, I guess there isn't really anything else. I'm glad ya'll are enjoying the story!

John -- as if one of you isn't enough? Really? :P

Terrynaut -- On Beck's shopping: I could have sworn I'd had him mention that he needed to get some boy's clothes earlier in the chapters. Perhaps I just thought I had. On top of that, it's rare for Beck to have an opportunity to get out of the school, and even then "going into town" doesn't always necessarily equate to "going shopping" for anything other than a few minor essentials. Beck had been putting off his boy shopping for long enough, which had been part of his problems on the trip already, so he wanted to get it out of the way.

Everyone -- Hopefully ya'll keep coming back to read more about Beck. I know I'm having fun writing about his adventures, so even though I plan on taking a break here in about a month, I can promise you that I'm not gonna stop working on this story until I bring it to it's close. It's already officially the longest piece I've ever written, so let's see if we can't keep it up for a bit longer, shall we?

Oh, and I'm glad people seem to like the last lines. Really, the last two and a half chapters of this were typed in a rush this morning because I hadn't had time earlier this week. We had a server crash at work on Thursday leading into a weekend of back to back full houses (our hotel has 200 rooms) so I've been more than a little stressed the last few days, having to spend hours each night doing audit paperwork and posting charges by hand in a huge paper ledger when I'm used to taking care of it all with nothing more than the click of a few buttons. It's been a living hell, but even through it all I made sure to keep Beck's adventures running in my head so when I had a chance to type them up, they would be ready. I've just been diving into bed as soon as I got home, though, and not getting up really 'til time for work :/

Melanie E.

it was more than just a shopping trip

"Yeah," she said, crossing her arms and staring at her feet. "I'll wait here."

I looked up at the sign. It said "boys and men." I shrugged. "Alright, I'll be right back."

"'Kay."

I turned to Ms. Sakaki, and without a word she nodded, crossing over to stand next to Sarah and hug her while I headed into the men's section in search of a few essentials.

It was part of showing the differences between Beck and Sarah. There is more that will come from this i am sure. As Melanie continues to surprise us(As things go a little different than we expect a very good thing) and bring this wonderful tale

3 out of 5 boxes of tissue and 5 gold starsDesHS.jpg

Goddess Bless you

Love Desiree

Goddess Bless you

Love Desiree

Working things out.

I have known some authors to pass through here that I think were working things out and they finally decided that the T path was not theirs. I support their decisions fully. Being Christina Chase was one, and the other was Princess and the Plague.

I think I would have been a third but I was so full of prescription drugs that I could not think. After the surgeries, I got off the drugs and in the dawning afterward, it was just too late to do anything. The damage was done. I would have soldiered on until I died.

When I talk about this, I have a close friend who tells me to shut up. I have to admit that as a woman I am very much more happy, but I did not want to lose my family to get that happiness. Never an easy answer is it?

Gwen

YAY :D

I always secretely squeal with joy whenever I see another chapter of this story. I cant wait for the next one meow. This one was very powerful and Sara's feelings.. well I did that... or maybe I still do that because of my own family. I stilli remember that christmas card from my Aunt and Uncle... it was so mean... so selfrighteous... like how my grandparents tell me every day they pray that I"ve come back to God ;_; I'm losing my religion meow.. and my faith... it hurts so bad ;_;

I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Bisexual, transsexual, gamer girl, princess, furry that writes horror stories and proud ^^

I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D

This is the best chapter

This is the best chapter yet. Sarah's past puts close to a great many questions, and I do really like how you been exploring some of the more… overlooked subtleties common to TG-oriented fiction.

I some ways, it's like Beck's only the carrier for the plot, and despite being the protagonist, isn't actually the main character. The real story is on everyone else and their interactions.

That's what I was going to say!

I mean "This is the best chapter yet." Really good stuff.

Big props to Sarah's mother for IMMEDIATELY taking her daughter's side against her parents. I know she's got a mother's instincts and all, but she really kicked down some serious cultural and familial intimidation there.

I'm sniffing back some tears as I write. This is a nice story, floats on the surface of so much that is dark, but it's clear you never forget that that dark stuff is there as well.

Great job.

Kaleigh

Drifting from the theme!

Well I have read all the comments and agree with most of them about the Sarah/Becky realisation etc. however for 8 chapters the story was about the college and the interaction with the princesses and the boys, Mr Swift, and her reunion with her/Becky's Drag Queen father.

Almost every TG story has a shopping, cooking, makeup, shaving, showering etc, chapter. They are so much alike it's almost like a version of a big story/supermarket pick&pack and paste exercise because they are so alike (and boring).

I would like to see the story get back to the very real and interesting interactions with the college, staff and princesses, not divert to Japanese in-laws, American Thanksgivings, and shopping malls.

I thought the story was going brilliantly until this diversion chapter, although well written, sorry - but I felt it spoiled the original theme!

Regardless, I will still keep reading, thank you Melanie.

LoL
Rita

Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)

LoL
Rita

With Respect, I Disagree.

At least about the diversion part. This was what's known as a below-decks episode. The focus is on Sarah, and the character development is there. Agreed, musch of the ultimately meaningless form is there, but the good stuff is what happens in between.