Princess for Hire

By Melanie Ezell

Daniel Henderson has managed to beat the odds and been accepted into Kingston Academy, one of the best private high schools in the country. However, when Daniel is invited to take part in a special program, he learns that there's more to the school than he had thought...

NOTE: This story is loosely -- as in VERY loosely -- based on the manga/anime "Princess Princess." After the initial concept, any similarities are mostly coincidental, unless they aren't. (Puzzle that out why don't ya.)

 

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-43-

He kissed me.

He kissed me?

He kissed me!

I laid in bed, going over and over in my head the kiss. Had I enjoyed it? Had he enjoyed it? Why did he do it?

It had not been a long kiss. He had pressed his lips to mine, and held it for maybe a second before backing away. Regardless of how long it had lasted, though, the kiss had changed things irrevocably. Afterward, we had looked in each other's eyes for a moment. I could tell that he wanted me to say something, anything, but I had been too confused. Instead, I sat my cup, still half full of the cider he had given me, down on the table. He never said a word as I calmly stood up and walked to the stairs, nor as I went through the door. As soon as I had known I was out of sight, though, I had taken off running, until I was safely in my own room, locked away from the world.

That is where I had stayed, laying on my bed in the dark. Thinking.

I should apologize to him. Or should he apologize to me? Which one of us did the wrong thing?

I was so confused. It had already been over three hours since the kiss, but it still occupied my every thought.

Was it because I liked it?

I was not sure. I certainly had not hated it, but neither had I wanted it nor expected it. Then again, I was almost certain that if I had been expecting it I would have been more terrified by the implications of letting it happen than by the kiss itself.

What were the implications?

Things between me and Andrew would never be the same again. Whatever my decision about the kiss, we could no longer just be friends, at least, not in the way we had been. Or, I had thought we were. Would Andrew have kissed me if he had not thought there was something more between us?

Had I been leading him on?

I thought back on how I had always treated Andrew. Surely he never thought... but what could have told him differently? I was the one who always insisted on not pinning down their sexuality. I was the one who he spent all his time working with, and a good portion of that time had been as a girl. I could think of nothing I had done that might have said I was interested in him, but neither could I think of anything that I had done that might say otherwise. Thinking on it again, for a long time it had been our tendency to be physically close. Perhaps he had taken that as the indication that I "liked him" liked him?

Did I "like him" like him?

I growled in frustration as I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow, willing my brain to shut down but with no affect. The constant mulling over the issue had given me a headache beyond belief, but I knew that I would not be able to rest until I had figured this issue out.

A large part of the question was about my own sexuality. Did I like guys, or girls, or both? The easiest answer would be to claim I was bisexual until I had figured everything out, but that did nothing to help answer the question.

Of course, even if I did like guys, that would not mean I necessarily liked Andrew.

I really hated circular problems.

So, do I like Andrew or not? In the end, I decided that it was similar to the kiss; while I did not particularly dislike him or disapprove of the idea of dating him, neither was I sure I wanted to either, if he even liked ME after having walked out on him like that.

So what should I do?

Talking to Sarah was out of the question. She might be my best friend, but I doubted that she would understand my issues. She would probably tell me to just go with it and see what happens. Should I talk to Leslie then?

The question was taken out of my hands when I heard a quiet knock at the door to our shared bathroom.

"Come in," I said in a voice far more hoarse than I had expected it to be. I reached up and wiped my face, and to my surprise found my cheeks wet with tears. It was too late to do anything about them, though, as Leslie hesitantly pushed the door open and came into my room, a worried expression on his face.

"Is everything okay?" He asked as he crossed over to my desk and pulled out the chair, straddling the back as he watched me sit up on the bed.

"Yeah. Maybe? I dunno," I said, sniffling. "Andrew...."

"I heard."

"What?"

"You missed dinner, you know. He wasn't there either, so I asked Bobby what was going on, and he said that all he knew was that something had happened between you two and Andrew was upset about it. Lemme guess, he kissed you?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, feeling my cheeks grow red in embarrassment.

Pause.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What did you think?"

I shook my head. "I don't know, that's the problem! I don't know what to do."

"Hmm," Leslie said, crossing his arms on the back of the chair and setting his chin on top. "Do you want me to get Sarah?"

I shook my head again. "No, I already know what she'd say. She'd just tell me to run with it and see what happens, but it's more complicated than that."

"Because you think you're a guy."

I started to nod, but caught myself first. "What do you mean by that?"

Leslie sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Well, all I mean is, hell, I shouldn't have to say it. You already know everyone pretty much thinks you're like Sarah."

I snorted. "Yeah. You'd think they would listen when I tell them I'm not." I gave him as sharp a look as I could. "You believe me, right?"

"Well... I know what you're thinking, and it's not like that! I guess, I don't think you're like Sarah so much, but you aren't like the rest of us either."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" I asked angrily.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger, I'm just sayin'. Most of us, we try to separate what we do as Princesses from what we do as guys. You... don't. That's all it is, really, but it's a lot more important than you seem to think it is."

"Why?" I asked, honestly confused. "What difference does it make?"

He took his time before answering. "Okay. You act the same whether you're dressed as a guy or a girl. That isn't a bad thing, but the way you act FITS as either one mostly, and that's what causes people problems, Andrew included."

"I don't see how that's connected to anything, or why that makes people think I'm a girl."

"Because frankly, you're too pretty to be a boy."

I rolled my eyes. "Gee, thanks." Despite my sarcastic tone, though, I carefully avoided looking at the mirror.

I knew what he said was true, and I hated my stepbrother for doing it to me. No, that was wrong, and I had to admit that the accident had nothing to do with most of the rest of my appearance. My face might have been why I was chosen for the Princess Program so early, but it alone was not the reason people saw me the way I did.

That was a thought path I definitely did not want to take for the moment, though, so I tried to change the subject. "What does all that matter to Andrew k-k-kissing me?"

"With how the two of you were hanging all over each other today? I would have been more surprised if he hadn't."

"But we told you--"

"Yeah, you told us it was all just to get the other boys off your back, but do you really think Andrew would have agreed if he didn't actually like you?"

I was silent for a moment. "I dunno... maybe?"

Leslie gave me a disbelieving look, then shook his head in disgust and stood up. "Look, I can see why you got freaked out, but you can't mess with Andrew like you do and not expect things like this to happen. I know," he cut me off when I went to interject, "you don't think you're leading him on, or that there's anything between the two of you. But you need to open your eyes, and ask yourself honestly if you would act the same way you do with Andrew with any of the other boys in the school." He started to head out the bathroom door, but turned back to me before closing it behind him. "Just think about it," he said, then latched the door.

-44-

"What do you want?"

"Can we talk?" I asked him nervously, staring down at my feet rather than looking at his face.

"...Alright," Andrew said, then stepped aside, letting me into his room but leaving the door open.

"Can you shut the door so we have some privacy?"

"We're not supposed to when a Princess is in our room dressed like you are."

I looked down at skirt and fuzzy sweater. "Oh." I had thought that dressing like a girl might make him feel more at ease talking to me, but I had not thought about other ramifications of the decision. "Well," I stood up and walked to the door, closing it. "They'll just have to deal this time."

He sat down on his bed and stared at the floor. "Sorry about earlier."

I only hesitated a moment before making my decision, crossing the room and sitting next to him on the bed. "No, I'm sorry," I said, wringing my hands. "I shouldn't have run off like that, and I should have thought more about your feelings than I have. I... I know you, you like me."

"Duh," he said, still staring at the floor.

Now I felt even worse. "The thing is, I still don't know if I like guys or not. I wasn't trying to hurt you, but when you kissed me, it scared me." I silently congratulated myself on not stuttering on the word 'kiss' before going back to my speech. "If you don't want to talk to me right now I understand, but I just wanted to let you know I was sorry."

I stood up to leave, but before I could even take one step toward the door I felt Andrew's hand clasp my wrist gently.

"Becky -- Beck, wait. Please."

I sat back down, watching him cautiously. Finally, he turned to me and looked me in the face for the fist time since I had come to his room. Seeing the pain in his face, I almost wished he had kept looking at the floor.

"Beck, just tell me if you like me or not, okay? I just, I need to know."

I wanted to give him the answer I knew he wanted, but I could not. "I don't know."

Andrew chuckled for a moment and let go of my wrist, but continued to look into my eyes. "Seriously?"

I nodded.

"What's so hard to know?"

I sighed, and glanced down to my hands before answering him. "It's complicated."

"If it's about being gay or something--"

"It's not that!"

"Then what is it!"

"I... I just, dammit!" I punched myself in the leg, making myself wince. "Don't you think I wish I could answer you? I wish I could say yes, or no, or give a reason why I don't know, but I can't. I just can't."

He looked away again. "Then what do you want me to do?"

This was the part I had been dreading, for several reasons, but I knew I had to go through with it. "I don't know if I like you Andrew, not like *that* anyway. But, if you want to try, ah, dating, or something."

"I thought that was what we were doing? 'Pretend dating' so the other guys wouldn't bother you?"

"Yes, no, I mean... I mean, for real."

He gave me an incredulous look, but said nothing, so I carried on.

"If you want to try being my, my boyfriend, then I guess... that's okay?"

I had no idea if the path I was taking was the right one or not, but I knew that I had to give it a shot. If I did not, then I would always regret it, and who better to help me figure things out than Andrew?

-45-

I looked around my room and marveled at the difference only a few months had made. What had at first felt like nothing more than a dry dorm room now felt more like home than anywhere I had lived since before my mom and dad had divorced. Even in it's barren state now that I had packed most of my belongings for the just over two weeks I would be gone for Christmas break, I could feel how comfortable the room had grown to me.

With a heavier heart than I had expected I picked up the last of my bags and turned around to face Andrew.

"You ready yet?"

"Yeah," I said, lifting the bag onto my shoulder and leading the way out. Andrew came along behind me, bringing the rest of my baggage. Last time I had stayed at Sarah's I had been unprepared, but this time I knew better, and had brought more girl's clothes than boy's. What had on arrival been just enough clothes to fill my battered old military surplus duffel bag now filled an additional two bags that I had borrowed from Leslie, with more clothes left to spare in the closet.

I looked back at Andrew, lugging the two larger and heavier bags, and grinned. He had agreed to "taking it slow" when it came to our relationship, or whatever you would call it, and the most intimate contact we had had since that day was to hold hands on a few occasions. Even that small act of intimacy was more than I would have thought I could handle at the beginning of the year, but whatever I might eventually decide when it came to who and what I was, I already knew that I would never regret at the least giving Andrew a chance to prove himself.

We were both huffing when we finally reached the main building of the school, Andrew from exertion and me from the cold, and gladly dropped our bags just inside the front doors to await Miss Sakaki's arrival to pick me and Sarah up. Sarah should have already been down, but I had little doubt she was being held up sharing one last goodbye with Leslie before our departure.

We sat there in silence for at least five minutes, neither of us sure what to say. Finally, Andrew nervously reached across the gap between us and took my hand. I looked up into his eyes.

"Becky, I just wanted to say, thanks."

"What for?"

"For... I guess, a lot. At the start of the year I just thought you would be an interesting person to know, but then you joined the Princess program and that all changed. I don't know why, but when I'm around you, boy, girl, it doesn't matter."

"Andrew..."

"Please, let me finish." He looked eagerly into my eyes. "I really like you. Heh, I guess that's pretty obvious," he said, chuckling. "And I know that you still don't know if you like me, but I'm glad you gave me a chance."

I watched Andrew, unsure what to say, until the beep of a car horn from outside broke the moment. Andrew let go of my hand, and stood up.

"I'll see you after Christmas."

"Wait," I said, gripping his hand again.

He looked down at me, waiting for me to continue, so I stood up. Slowly, and much more sure of myself than I would have thought, I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck in a hug. He hugged me back, and when we finally let go I gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas," I said as I took a step back, seeing beyond his goofy grin a pair of matching ones on both Leslie and Sarah.

Sarah stepped forward and grabbed my hand. "Come on, Mom's waiting for us."

I grabbed my bag, and watched as Andrew picked up the other two with that same look still plastered on his face. He and Leslie followed us out to the car and helped us load our bags, but neither one said a thing as we gave each of them another hug before climbing in the car, waving as we pulled away.

"Merry Christmas, girls!" Miss Sakaki said merrily, before giving me an apologetic look.

"It's alright," I said with a smile, more relaxed than I had felt in a while. "It will be."

My dad would be arriving at the airport the next day, but I could tell by the look on Sarah's face that I would be spending most of the night talking to her about Andrew. How did I feel about him? Were we serious? Was he a good kisser? I still knew none of the answers, but now I could safely say that I wanted to know them, and when Christmas break was over, I was sure that at least the first question would be possible.

I had come a long way since first arriving at Kingston Academy. In the last few months, I had been a cheerleader, a superhero, a waitress, and both someone's girlfriend and boyfriend. I had made many friends, and had experiences beyond my wildest imaginings.

What was waiting for me when I returned?

I was looking forward to finding out.

(End of Book 1)

END NOTES:

To reiterate my earlier blog entry, here it is, the last part of Book One of Princess For Hire. I'll start work on the next book immediately, but in combination with all my other commitments, please don't expect to see anything from it for at least six to eight months.

Also, I again apologize for there only being three chapters and not the full eight I had been aiming for. The story wrapped itself up nicely, and though I tried to extend it I couldn't really think of anything else to put that wouldn't have ended up just feeling like what it would have been -- filler.

I hope everyone has enjoyed the ride so far, and I'm looking forward to bringing you more of the adventures of Beck and co. in the future!

Until then, be excellent to each other.

Melanie E.