A Summer of Changes

by Louise Anne Smithson

Book 4 Chapter 4

Where do we go from here?

In spite of having gone to bed so late and their energetic activities of the night before, Denise woke up at seven a.m. feeling refreshed and wide awake after only four hours of sleep. John, on the other hand, was still sleeping deeply. He had lost his pyjama trousers in the night and so she reached her hand across and gently stroked, then held, his penis. He stirred for a moment but quickly sank back into a deep sleep. Yet although he was unconscious Denise could feel the blood return to his member and it grow inside her grasp as a look of satisfaction appeared on his sleeping face. She felt a twinge of pleasure to know that she was responsible for this increase in his blood pressure and his enjoyable dreams, just as she had been responsible for allowing him to make love to her the night before.

As she lay next to him she tried to make sense of her feelings; both about herself and those towards this man lying in bed next to her. He was bigger and stronger than she was; he was several years older, somewhat more prosperous, better educated, had a better paid job than she had, and yet it was she who held the reins in their relationship. It was she who would decide when they would get up and go out, or indeed whether they would stay in bed and make love again. She would also decide how long their relationship would last, and when it was time for one or both of them to move on. She could even break his heart, if she ever chose to do so. Of course, she would, in time allow him to make some unimportant decisions - where it did not matter - just to give him the impression that he had a degree of control over their relationship. She was not in love with John, but she did quite like him and would not want to hurt him if it could be avoided.

What had brought about this remarkable change from the shy and awkward young man at the beginning of May? The answer was obvious. By adopting the clothing, appearance and mannerisms of a young woman, she had given herself enormous power without realising it. Denise thought back to two weekends ago, on the train to Norwich, where a young man had insisted on helping her to put her case on the luggage rack, although it was not really necessary, and in doing so he risked the irritation of his own girl-friend. She thought of the hotel desk clerk the previous day, making a fool of himself in front of his colleague, just so that he could serve her. She smiled as she recalled various other incidents over the last few weeks where men had gone out of their way to be helpful or even to be noticed by her. An attractive young woman had power and influence over members of the opposite sex, whereas Denis had been ineffective and overlooked. Hitherto, she had tended to avoid male company, partly because she had always found men’s conversation to be a little dull, and until very recently she had lacked the necessary self-confidence to be able to deal with them as a woman. But that was in the past, now she was happy to have some male company for a change, having spent the last few weeks almost entirely with females. She must learn how to make the most of the power so unexpectedly given to her. She had also noticed, as they went out clubbing the previous evening, that the mere fact of having a male escort to fetch her drinks or hold open the door for her, somehow gave her more status as a woman.

Of course that the power given to her would not last for ever; it was entirely dependent on her looks, which, in her case, would probably disappear faster than for a genetic woman, as her body began to produce more testosterone. As a young man, Denis’s beard had been very light, and he had only ever shaved his face once a week, but that would soon begin to change. Now she carefully checked her face every night in private looking for any signs of growth, and found the task to be humiliating, whereas she thought nothing of spending an evening with her housemate waxing one another’s arms and legs. Likewise having to remove her breasts periodically was distasteful and demeaning and needed to be done in private. How much easier would her life be if she could transform herself into the woman that she was beginning to feel she should always have been in the first place?

She could now understand why older women invested in expensive cosmetic products and plastic surgery in an attempt to retain the power and influence of their youth. If they could do it, then why couldn’t she also do so, and at the same time take steps to prevent her from becoming more like a man? During the previous week she had investigated the Internet and identified several documents that showed her the extent to which this would be possible. She would at least have a good start with her androgynous features and build, upon which she might start to develop with the help of hormones and plastic surgery. She would never be able entirely to rectify what she now began to think of as nature’s mistake, but she was convinced that she would be able to live a successful life as a transgendered woman. It would undoubtedly be a long, difficult, and perhaps even a painful task, but she could now see clearly what she wanted from life, and wanted to begin as soon as possible. The next task must be to regularise her situation and to acknowledge herself as a pre-operative transsexual to her family, friends, workmates, and above all, to herself.

She had the Aldactone tablets which would prevent her testosterone from doing any more damage to her looks, but her supply would run out in a few weeks, and Alison had made it clear that she would not be able to keep supplying her without a doctor’s prescription. She must now return home, register with a specialist who would provide her with the drugs she needed and start to make plans for her new life. However, it was Sunday morning and was lying in a hotel bed in Brighton. She would never be able to find a doctor or make an appointment on that day. The man who had brought her there in his car was lying next to her. It would have been possible for her to quietly pack and leave and catch a train home, whilst he continued sleeping, but what would be the point? She had so far enjoyed her trip to Brighton and was determined to continue to do so.

She gently squeezed and released his penis until he began to stir, and then leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

‘Wake up, sleepy head’, she said.

He smiled.

‘What time is it?’

‘It's nearly 8.00 am.’

‘Can’t I sleep a little longer, I was having a lovely dream, and we don't need to check out of the room until midday.’

‘No, it is a lovely day and there are things to be said, things to be done, and places to visit,’ she replied.

‘What sort of things?’ he asked, returning to full consciousness.

‘First of all I need us to talk about last night.’

‘What is there to say? It was great last night, I had a wonderful time. I hope you did so as well.’

‘Yes I did, but you must understand that nothing that happened in bed last night changes what was said earlier in the evening. I'll be your girlfriend, and maybe your lover for the summer, but that's all,’ she said seriously.

‘Oh! But I was half hoping you would use your prerogative to change your mind once again, as you did about sharing my bed.’

‘No John! I'm afraid that will not happen,’ she said feeling a little sorry for his disappointment, but never wavering in her determination.

‘But that's hardly fair on me‘, he said.

‘No, it isn’t, and in the longer term you would be better off finding someone else to go out with. However, I do like you a lot and am only trying to be honest with you. I'll be happy to go out with you for the remainder of the summer, and perhaps we may make love from time to time, if you wish, but nothing more. Take it or leave it?’

‘In that case I suppose I've no choice but to accept your offer.’

‘Good! Now you may make love to me once again, as you did last night.’

---

The couple eventually emerged from their room just before 10.30 and were just in time to catch a late breakfast before the dining room finished serving.

‘So what’s next on the agenda for today, another dose of the same after breakfast,’ said John jokingly.

‘Certainly not, answered Denise, as she took another Aldactone tablet. I don’t want to wear you out, and in any event we won’t have time. It may be possible for you to sling your clothes in a suitcase and be out of the room in five minutes, but I'm going to need some more time to do my hair and put on some more makeup,’.

‘You really don’t need to, you look lovely just as you are,’ said John.

‘That is kind of you to say so, but wearing makeup is as much about how you feel about yourself as it is about how you look. I'll need an hour to get ready and pack properly. Why don’t you stay in the lounge and read a newspaper. Then we can go and visit the ‘Royal Pavilion’ this afternoon.

---

They checked out of the hotel and found somewhere to leave the car for the rest of the day, and left their luggage in the boot. They did not bother with lunch and the rest of the day was spent enjoyably enough walking hand in hand as a couple tourists in the town. However, as time went on, Denise became increasingly pre-occupied with her own thoughts and particularly her decision to undergo full transition, leading to gender re-assignment surgery. Fortunately John was still feeling the warm glow of having had sex on several occasions with his beautiful companion, and so at first he did not notice that her mind was on other things from time to time. The more she thought about it, the more far-reaching the implications appeared to be, but not for one moment did she reconsider or have any doubts about the wisdom of what she was planning. Her first step would be to have a talk with Alison, who seemed to know a certain amount about the subject, and was also separate from her work. Denise did not want to tell anyone else for the time being until she had made contact with a therapist and knew something about the likely timetable and financial implications of her proposed course of action. Finally, as they were leaving the Royal Pavilion, at about 4.00 pm John eventually noticed that his questions weren’t being answered.

‘I asked if you wanted to go for a cup of tea?’ he asked again, slightly raising the volume.

‘Oh sorry! I was miles away; I was thinking about last night and this morning,’ she replied.

He smiled at the implied compliment.

‘Well, my lady, what would you like to do now?’

‘If you don’t mind, I would like to sit down for a while, I suddenly feel a little bit dizzy.’

‘Oh dear, are you ok, you have gone very pale,’ he said helping her to a seat in the park nearby.

‘I’ll be alright in a minute, I didn't get much sleep last night, I was rather too preoccupied,’ she replied.

‘Take it easy, I’ll get you a bottle of water’, he said, pointing to a café a few yards away.

He returned a few minutes later and she took a sip and seemed to regain some of the colour to her face.

‘John, I've had a wonderful time this weekend, but would you mind if we brought it to an end now and made our way back to London ? There's something I have to do this evening and I'd rather not be late to bed as I'm working in the morning.’

‘Oh! Alright then, if we must,’ he answered a little sadly, but not questioning her request.

She felt a little mean to be cutting their weekend short, but was anxious to talk to Alison as soon as possible, and in person. It would be far easier to do so on a Sunday evening than wait for another time later in the week when she might be working or planning to see her boyfriend.

‘However, it has been a great weekend, and so maybe we could go somewhere out of London next weekend?’ she said giving him a kiss on the cheek.

John beamed and confirmed that he would organise something over the next few days and then let her know the arrangements. The implication of his taking her out of London would be that they could once again share a bed together, something that would otherwise be difficult in their present living accommodation.

---

As John drove them back, firstly along the dual carriageway over the Sussex downs, and then on to the motorway past Gatwick Airport and through the outer London conurbation in Surrey, Denise sent a text message to Alison.

Hi Ally! Can we meet this eve? Urgnt mattr 2 discus! Lol Denise xx,

The reply came through after about five minutes.

My place 7+, hope nthng rong! Ally xx

She responded.

CU 7.30- nothing rong — jst need advice D

‘Who are you texting to?’ he asked.

‘None of your business,’ she thought to herself, but did not say as much as she did not want to burst his bubble of happiness. ‘

‘Just a girl friend, nothing for you to worry about.’

She reached across and gently stroked his earlobe, as he continued driving.

‘You will make us crash if you're not careful!’ he said laughing.

‘In that case you had better keep your eyes and your mind on the road and both hands on the steering wheel’, she answered mischievously.

‘I do love you Denise’, he said.

‘No you don’t’, she answered quickly, ‘but that doesn't mean we cannot have fun together this summer.’

---

John delivered her to Shepherd’s Bush by 6.30 pm, and after a five-minute goodbye kiss she managed to extricate herself and her suitcase.

‘Thank you for the meals this weekend, I’ve had a great time,’ she said.

‘Thank you for inviting me to Brighton, and for everything else,’ he replied. ‘It was worth being stood up on your birthday.’

‘In that case I’ll have to stand you up again some time,' she said laughing.

‘But not next weekend?’

'No, I promise to see you next weekend,’

‘I was also wondering whether we might also meet up mid-week?’ he asked tentatively.

‘Sorry John, I have too much to do this week,’ she replied, not wishing to commit to anything at this stage. ‘But I'm looking forward to next weekend and so please keep in touch by phone and email!’

‘Is there anywhere you would particularly like to visit, next weekend?’

‘No, you can choose, but there's just one favour I would like to ask of you’ she answered.

‘What is that?’

‘Can we both agree not to discuss the bedroom details of this weekend with either of your cousins?’

He laughed.

‘OK, that suits me, they are two lovely young ladies but they do like to interfere in other people’s lives.’

‘Exactly!’Thanks’.

---

Samantha had noticed John’s car arrive and was waiting for her friend in the flat.

‘Hi Denise, how was your weekend?’

‘It was great fun; an excellent idea for a birthday present thank you,’ she answered kissing her friend on the cheek.

‘But how did you get on with my cousin?’

‘Very well thanks, he was good company and yes we are seeing one another again next weekend, but I will have to tell you about it another time as I now need to get washed and changed and go out,’ she answered.

‘Oh, alright then,’ answered Samantha clearly disappointed with the response, but determined that she would find out more at a later date.

By 7.10 Denise had washed, changed and refreshed her makeup and was about to leave the flat once again.

‘That was quick. Are you going out with John again this evening?’ asked Samantha.

‘No we both have other things we need to do this evening,’ she replied. ‘I don’t think I'll be late, but don’t bother waiting up for me,’ she said and left the flat.