It's sort of funny how a relationship can happen almost without you realising it. I mean sure the idea of it is nice, but you fear the loss even before there's something to lose. Self perception and esteem, or lack of maybe, has you second guessing in a vacuum. Yet almost despite that quiet longing that you think you hide so well, you want the affirmation. Someone to look at across a restaurant table simply sharing thoughts and feelings and maybe a spoonful of mango mousse. A connection to another, to feel a warm body against you, whether walking down the street, sitting on the lounge with a movie or… perhaps the ultimate vindication, in bed. To feel that person even when they're not there... has to be something, but is it love, or loneliness mixed with wishful thinking? And are you ever sure where their thoughts are?
 
 
It was just another contract job the agency was handling and there I was, one of a dozen girls working the room. Traditional black and white, skirts and heels. Not too high in the heels department in my case because I was already too damn tall. Sure I could mostly ignore the fact I was taller than most men, let alone women, but sometimes that difference poked me in the eye because I stood out in a crowd. That wasn't always comfortable.

Most people like things traditional and six foot girls fall outside that, but thankfully there are always exceptions.

I felt the eyes first and after a minute or two of smiling and being ignored by people picking sushi rolls off my tray as I circulated, I saw them.

Soft brown, almost amber, in a pleasant but not pretty face framed by wavy shoulder length light brown hair. A tailored charcoal suit and seemingly effortless casual stance showing a long lean body. Tall, but not my height, then as I already said, not many people are. Elegant and stylish and that small almost smile caused a little tickle in my belly.
 

An elegant hand plucked a roll and the other gently slid a business card into the waistband of my skirt as I strolled past and try as I might I couldn't ignore those eyes or that smile. Sometimes I miss pockets. It took some strength to wait until I was back toward the kitchen to look., hmmm... name, title, business and phones and email. On the back in a neat flowing hand, Pls call me, I'd like to know you.

That tickle again, dare I? Could I do that? Ah, a quiet struggle with desire and curiosity and a pinch of fear wrestling it out. It took me four days. I cheated a little and rang the mobile during morning business hours, sort of thinking I could leave a message and force a return call and also avoid any inquisitive secretary. Fair I thought, and I did and the message was a lovely silky voice and not some generic service. Of course I ummed and ahhhed and probably sounded like a moron.

But I did get a call and that silky voice set butterflies suiciding en mass in my belly.

We met up, coffee first and a brief get together chat that turned into a three hour session and then dinner and a soft kiss as I was settled into a taxi, a casual wave and that smile as I looked out the back window. Oh boy, can you fall in love just like that?
 

Suddenly there it was, that normal everyday thing that we all search for and take for granted when we have it, a relationship. Something I always doubted was possible for me. To have someone that looked past the not quite girlyness, the fears and insecurities, the occasional looks from passers by. Someone to share with, to hold and... just possibly... to lay with and… love.

Imagine that, doing couple stuff. Me! Hah, who'd a thunk it, sure as hell I didn't. But there it was an actual partnering. You know, lunches and dinners and movies and strolls in the park and gallery visits, market browsing, couple stuff. Days and weeks and I ached for the sound of that voice to see that smile to feel that touch.

Way past the third date, so I understood the late nights, the work calls that took precedence. The broken dates. I forgave it all at a word or a touch. So I ask myself can I make the twentieth into the third? Some alchemy of time and space to share what I had been afraid to. To give up something if that's what it would be, a gift and most likely it only really mattered to me. Imagine being a virgin twice, aint that somethin'.
 

 
So here it is the big night. A home invite and me doing the cooking and taking all the care and sweating over every ingredient. Vacuumed the place three times and wiped and scrubbed while trying to be super careful of the nails. Shifted that vase about a dozen times and it probably ended up exactly where it had been at the start.

Hours on the dressing, the lingerie, the dress, makeup... everything had to be perfect. Stir and taste and try not to sweat, it's just nerves. Set the table and finally sit and wait, because if you stress out too much...

It's time... and a call... oh, late. Okay. Well, still coming. Finally...

That silken voice.

"Hey my lovely lanky girl."

That gentle touch, a soft sensual kiss. A drink and small talk and we feed each other guacamole on corn chips as an entrée. Dinner... and the plates were cleaned before they went back to the kitchen. Yes.

Soft music and slow dancing as those elegant hands run through my hair and stroke my throat sending shivers down my spine and then slide softly downwards to cup my breasts. I freeze as silken lips replace the hands at my throat and slowly trace up my neck... and I gasp as the hands slide down and cup my bum, pulling me tight and those lips... caress mine.

"Beautiful girl, you taste wonderful, you smell divine Let me look at you."
 
At a gesture, almost part of a dance, I step back and slowly begin to strip. Anticipation wars with fear as I drop my dress to the floor, slipping off my shoes and with a twirl slink toward the bedroom dropping the bra as I go. Then, a turn in the doorway and I slowly slide the briefs down and beckoning step backwards, once, twice to the bed and those amber eyes and that smile follow.

The sheets are turned down and on all fours I crawl up the bed doing my best seductress routine and just for a moment as I glance over my shoulder to see the reaction, I feel in control.

Slowly, elegantly as I watch, the clothes are shed and I am joined on the bed. A touch and a kiss and I shiver. Lay back... and surrender. Tentative at first I try to respond and give as well as take.

Shudder and finally let go as my whole body tingles and small electric shocks roam from forehead to toes.

"Oh... that was... I... " I closed my eyes as a tear slipped from the corner of both. "I love you."

"My beautiful girl."

Lips cover my right nipple and suck gently... and slowly, but surely, with practised deliberation a stroke and a kiss and....

Eventually wrapped in a lovers arms, a place I had doubted I would ever be, I slept.
 
 
A gentle kiss.

"Hmmm, morning. Thank you, last night was wonderful."

"I'm glad, it was a lovely night wasn't it."

"I love you."

A kiss, soft and tingly.

"You're beautiful in the morning."

Another kiss and my blood seemed too thin somehow.

"I have to go. I need to get home and change and be at work in two hours."

"Do you have to go, it's so early?"

"Sorry gorgeous."

"I love you."

"I'll call you later, okay."

A touch, those smiling amber eyes and that small smile. A few minutes, dressed and leaning over, a kiss. I hear the door click shut.

 
Flat on my back, naked from the waist up I stare at the ceiling, but do not see it. The room seems smaller suddenly, colder and I pull the sheet up, roll to my right away from the doorway and bite my lip as the tears begin.
 

 
 
This little thingie inspired by this song ~~~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTLR3zHxnr8&feature=related