Sara's Story. Chapter 6 The Final Chapter. A Home That Love Built Story by Catherine Linda Michel

Sandra led me to the room I'd been using and sat me down on the bed.

“Cathilynn, you need to take the doctor's, Sam's, Irene's and my advice seriously. You need to rest, because you have worn yourself to a frazzle over building the Home, staffing it, doing every little thing yourself, and now with Sara's situation. You simply cannot burn your candle at both ends. Too soon, it burns out, and we, all of us, need you. There is so much work yet to be done, and there are other children out there, in similar situations to Sara's. You know we can't help all of them, but so many others won't get help, if you work yourself into a breakdown, or worse!”

“Sandra, I know all that, okay?” I replied, tiredly. “I've already told you and everyone that I will take some time off after this is all over. I've agreed to the medications the doctors want me to get, so I can quit smoking, and I've delegated some things to you and Irene, but I have to see this through, whatever way it ends. Sara needs me right now, and I will not let her down! However much time she has left, or if she survives this, she's going to need me, and you and Irene to help her get her life back together. I just feel like this is something I have to do. Once I started it, I knew I had to see it through to whatever end awaits.”

I laid back on the bed.

“When I think of the miserable life Sara has had, it makes me ashamed of how easy mine has been. I was pretty much accepted as Cathilynn from the moment I started my real life test. Sara has never been accepted by anyone, not even her own family, and her father, that sanctimonious son of a bitch, yelling about what a freak she is and that she'd be better off dead so the family isn't embarrassed by her, pissed me off so badly, I wanted to castrate him right there in the emergency room!”

“Calm down, Cathilynn.” Sandra quietly reminded me. “You are not alone in your thoughts, okay? Irene and I, and most of the hospital staff agree with you about Sara's father. Remember, once Sam gets those papers through the court, Sara's father is no longer in the picture at all. Sara will be your legal responsibility, your ward, if you will. He can no longer hurt her, and if he tries, you can have him arrested. Now you lay back and get some rest. I'm going to the ladies room, and then to the cafeteria. Should I bring something back for you?”

“No honey.” I said. “I'm not really hungry, and I don't have to go potty, so I'll just lay here and try to calm down. Go ahead and do your thing. I'll be okay.”

Sandra nodded at me, let go of my hand and walked to the door, shutting it behind her, leaving me alone with my thoughts and emotions. Even though my fondest hope was that Sara would survive, I think I knew, even then, that it wasn't to be. I would be with her every second I could, or was allowed to be by the doctors, right to the end, if it came.

I must have fallen asleep, because it was a few hours later when I felt someone gently shaking me awake. It was Irene.

“Cathilynn, how are you feeling?” She asked.

“A little better, Irene, I think. Where's Sandra?”

“She had to go back to the Home. There were a couple of things that needed attention, but don't worry. Nothing serious is happening. Just some routine things, is all. I came up when she left, so you wouldn't be alone here.”

“Thanks Irene. I really appreciate all that you and Sandra are doing to help me ans Sara. Is there any further word about Sara?”

“I've heard nothing new since I've been here,Cathilynn. They know where you are, and Im certain they'd come and inform you if anything was happening. I think you need to take advantage of this “down time” and get all the rest you can.”

“I know you're right Irene, but It's so hard to relax when Sara might be dying up there. Do you know if the things I asked the funeral home about have been done?”

“Yes, they have, Cathilynn.” Irene said, taking my hand. “Everything is in order, just in case it's needed. I also had word from Sam that everything on his end is done, as well, so you can rest your mind on those scores.”

“Thanks honey.” I said. “Listen, I have to get up. I need to go check on Sara. I feel a bit better, and somehow, just seeing Sara laying there, helps me remember what I wanted to do when I began building the Home. Also, if she wakes up again, I want her to be able to see me immediately. Maybe it will give her strength. Right now, anything positive that can happen for her, adds to her chance for survival. You can come with me if you like.”

“I think this is something you have to do, alone, Cathilynn. Give me your phone though. I can check in with Sandra and Sam while you are up there.”

I handed Irene my cell phone and left the room. When I arrived at ICU three, I saw that a couple of doctors were working on Sara, using those bio suits to keep the risk of any infection to an absolute minimum. It looked like they were removing some of the tubes and wires from her and that frightened me. I waited anxiously until they finally finished and came out, shedding their suits.

“Doctor!” I said. “What's going on? Why are you removing stuff from her?”

“Cathilynn, we were going to get you up here as soon as we were done. I'm so sorry. I know how much Sara has come to mean to you, but there is nothing more we can do for her. Too many of her internal organs were damaged in the attack, and she isn't strong enough for any more surgeries. Her bleeding is stopped, but I'm afraid her time is short. You can go in if you want to. You won't need the suit, since any infection that might happen, won't make any difference, now.”

I sagged against the wall.

“There's no hope for her?”

“None Cathilynn. I hate this as much as anyone, but sometimes the best we can do for a patient, just isn't enough. I didn't see any purpose in keeping her tied to the countless pieces of equipment that no longer can do anything for her. She's free from everything except blood pressure and pain relief medications. She isn't in any pain, but is very weak. She wants to see you, so go ahead in. Alarms will go off if anything changes, so someone will be very near, with whatever is needed for her comfort in her last hours. Once again, Cathilynn, I am so sorry we couldn't save her. She was just too damaged and not in the best of health to begin with.”

I tried to swallow a huge lump that had appeared in my throat, but it didn't work. I felt like I was going to faint, but I steeled myself, and walked into the ICU room, and taking Sara's hands in mine. She opened her eyes the instant she felt me holding her hands, looked up at me and smiled a sweet, sad smile. In a weak, but clear voice, she said,

“Hi Miss Cathilynn. I'm so glad you're here. I was so afraid I'd be gone before I got to see you one last time. Please don't cry, Miss Cathilynn. It's better that I go to be with God. My whole life, everyone seemed to hate me, and I was never happy. I had no real friends except one, and she is the one who found me and called the ambulance. I'm not angry at anyone, even the gang that attacked me, not even my father. It's too late for anger, or hatred. Is everything set for after, Miss Cathilynn?”

“Yes, sweetheart, everything is set. You are now my ward, free from your family. I've made all the arrangements you asked me for.” I began to cry. “I want you to know that I love you honey. I wish, with all my heart, that we had more time together, but I know that it's not to be. I don't think anyone has ever touched me so deeply as you have sweetie, and I will never, never forget you.”

“Don't cry, Miss Cathilynn, please don't cry. I'll always be with you, no matter if I'm here or in heaven. You've been kinder to me than anyone else in my whole life, and I'm glad we met, even if it was this way. I know now that my life would have been wonderful with you at your place, and even though I'm sad I'll never get that wonderful life, someone finally loved me...you.” and she squeezed my hands.

I couldn't speak, I just tried to smile through my tears, and nodded at Sara.

“Miss Cathilynn? I have to go now. Please don't let them try to bring me back, okay? It's time, and God is calling me. I don't want to go, but I have to. Will you forgive me?”

“Oh Sara! My sweet Sara! There's nothing to forgive! I know you have to go, and I will miss you, every day of my life. I will never forget you, or what was done to you. I swear to you that those responsible will pay for what they did.”

“She smiled up at me again. Thank you Miss Cathilynn, for everything. I love you.”

She closed her eyes and took a couple of breaths, then she just relaxed and her breathing slowed and stopped. The alarms went off and people came rushing into the room. They tried to move me away from Sara, but I hung on with a supernatural strength.

“NO!” I screamed at them. Get away from her! She's gone and she made me promise to not let you try to bring her back! Just get away from us! Leave me and my daughter alone!!”

I felt a gentle pair of hands, urging me to let go, and a voice saying,

“Cathilynn. You have to let go now. We aren't going to try to resuscitate her. Please let go?”

I looked up to see one of the ICU doctors, his concerned face streaked with tears. I finally let go of Sara's hands and broke down completely in tears.

“She went peacefully, Cathilynn. She wasn't in pain, and the one person who meant anything to her, was with her, you. She's in a better place now, and we aren't going to take her peace away from her. Nurse? Would you please accompany Cathilynn to room 203 and stay with her? We need to complete Sara's records, and it will be easier if Cathilynn doesn't have to hear or see what we have to do.”

“Of course, doctor. Please, Cathilynn? Come with me? You need to lay down. I'll stay right with you until you fall asleep, or someone comes to take my place with you. We won't leave you alone, okay? Please honey, come with me?”

I was numb, and shaking with grief. I allowed myself to be led to my room, not noticing anything at all. I remember laying down on the bed and shaking with sobs, and the nurse trying to comfort me, but then, nothing.

When I woke, it was 26 hours later, and Irene, Sandra, and Sam were at my side, talking quietly.

“What are you all doing here?” I asked groggily, as they fell silent “Oh, never mind. Help me off this bed. I need to go see Sara.”

Sam sat on the edge of the bed.

“Cathilynn, they won't let you see her. They're doing an autopsy and when they're done, Sara will be transported to the Funeral Home. Everything has been arranged, and you will be allowed to see to Sara's final arrangements. That won't be until tomorrow though, and we all want you to just stay here and recuperate a bit. You've been through too much stress over the last three days, and according to the doctors, are in danger yourself.”

Sam leaned close to me and kissed me on my cheek. I threw my arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder.

“Oh Sam! She's gone! She died while I was holding her hands! She's gone!” was all I could say. I was crying so hard, my body literally shook.

“I know hon, I know.” he replied. You did everything you could do for her, and in the end, you made it easier for her to let go. She knew she was too badly hurt to live, but you being there for her, made her last time easier for her. I know that you're shattered right now, and you need rest, so please, let Irene, Sandra and I handle things until we can all go with you go finish things for Sara, at the Funeral Home?”

“Oh Sam. How could this happen? How could a sweet child like Sara come to this kind of an end? It isn't fair! It's just not fair!”

“Cathilynn, I know it's not fair. So much in life and death isn't fair. All we can do is our best, and hope that things work out. You did everything that could have been done for Sara under the circumstances. No one could have done more, please know that.”

I remember very little of the next 24 hours. I know some doctors attended me at some point.
I faintly remember Irene, Sandra and Sam at one time or another, talking to me, although I don't know what they said. Nothing seemed real, and it was all like a bad, bad dream. I kept trying to talk with Sara, but I couldn't get any answers, or even words, out of her. When I finally became aware again, it was Saturday...two days after Sara had died. I sat up in bed suddenly, knowing I needed to be somewhere. Irene was at my side instantly, calming me and letting me know that everything was okay.

“How can everything be okay Irene?! Sara's dead, and I have to get to the funeral home! There are things Sara wanted and I have to see to them!”

“Cathy, it's okay. The funeral isn't until tomorrow. Everything else is taken care of. You would have been awakened later today if you hadn't come out of it by then. You have been catatonic for over 24 hours. That's twice in as many days, Cathy. That's too much and too often. The doctors have said that you are not to try to do anything for awhile. We can take you to the Funeral Home in the morning, so that you can oversee everything for Sara and her last requests.”

“But Irene! The Home! Is everything alright there? There are things I need to see to, and I can't do them from here! Please Irene, get me out of here! Please?”

“Honey, everything at the Home is under control. There are no emergencies or problems that you need to deal with, because Sandra, Sam and I have everything covered. The only thing you need to do right now, is to rest. If you insist on doing as you have been doing, the doctors will sedate you and force you to rest! Now lay back, breathe deeply and try to release the stress you have put yourself through, and please don't worry about anything. I will see to it that you get to the Funeral Home in plenty of time to take care of Sara's last wishes, and that's the ONLY thing you will do. Consider this bed your home until tomorrow morning. I'll bring you a change of clothes, both for doing Sara's makeup, and for the funeral, later. They have showers here, so you can clean up before going there, okay? Honey, Sara is waiting for you, and I know that, no matter what anyone says, you will insist on doing what you promised, so please don't worry.”

She hugged me tightly and stroked my hair, while I cried. My poor little girl. Her life stolen from her by some alleged human beings. She would never have a boyfriend, or a sleepover with her girlfriends. There would be no prom for her, no marriage, no life at all. Nothing but a resting place in the ground and a marker to show she had ever been alive at all. I would see that she would never be forgotten. The world would know that there was once a beautiful little soul named Sara.

I fell into a restful sleep, awakened the next morning early, by Irene. True to her words, she had brought me two changes of clothes. She took me for a shower, and stayed with me while I washed, then took me back to my room and helped me change into some sweat pants and a top. My doctor was called and he, against his best judgement, signed me out temporarily, extracting a promise from me and from Irene that I would come back the following morning for further treatment. We left the hospital and went directly to the Funeral Home, where we were met by the director, who showed us to their preparation room, expressed his sympathies and then left us alone with Sara.

For the next hour, we dressed Sara in a pale blue ball gown, and a lovely set of panties, bra, garter belt, and stockings, finished up by a pair of 4 inch, blue heels that matched the gown perfectly. Then we worked on her face and hair until she looked like an angel, sleeping peacefully until called by some higher power. We had to use a wig because her hair had been shaved, partly by the gang, and partly by the doctors, so we had a medium length brunette wig from the Home. It just would have touched her shoulders if she had been standing. We secured it with some medical glue so it wouldn't slip of fall off before burial, then we did her nails with some nails and permanent glue, painting them a delicate pink, to match her lipstick. When we were done, Irene left me alone with Sara so I could
say my goodbyes privately.

I stood by her side, taking her cold hand in mine and promised her once again, that I would find and see punished, those who had taken her life.

“Sara sweetheart, they will be found and punished, I promise you. You are the closest thing I have ever had to a daughter, and I love you. You will never be forgotten, and there will be a plaque above the welcome room of the Home, dedicated to you and your fight for life. I...?

I was interrupted by a female voice.

“Um...are you Cathilynn? The one who has the Home out on Pomfret road?” she asked.

Angry at being interrupted, I spun around angrily, finding myself facing an older teen girl, possibly 17 or 18.

“Who are you and what do you want?! How dare you interrupt me at a time like this?!”

“I'm sorry.” she cried. “I'm Nancy Howard. I was Sara's friend. I was the one who found her and called the ambulance. I was too afraid to come to the hospital because of what I am. I thought I'd be made fun of and stuff, you know? I went there today anyway, only to have them tell me that Sara had died, and was at this Funeral Home and the funeral was today. This nurse, um, Natalie, told me about Sara's fight for life and your part in it. I just wanted to come here to pay my respects to Sara, my friend, and to thank you for being there for her. She and I were alike in so many ways, except that my family accepts me.”

She stopped to wipe some tears from her eyes, then continued.

“I only went to the hospital today because I wanted to check on Sara. I thought she'd be okay after healing up, and I was gonna take her to your Home to see if she could stay there for awhile. She couldn't go home, you know. Her parents hated her and threw her out over a year ago. Sara would never come to stay at my house except on the really coldest nights in winter. The rest of the time she lived on the streets or in the occasional shelter. I don't know why she did that. My Mom and Dad would have let her stay with us, if she had wanted to, but no matter how many times I asked her to stay, she always went back to the streets.”

Nancy began to sob, sitting down on one of the stair steps.

“I wanted her to come and stay with us! I begged her I don't know how many times! Now she's gone, and I feel so bad that I didn't force her to come live with me! She was my friend, and I loved her, but she would never let me do anything for her!”

I crossed the room and sat next to Nancy, taking her into my arms, no longer angry, but saddened instead.

“Honey, from the brief time I had with Sara, she struck me as a stubborn girl, with a mind that, once it was made up, just wouldn't change, no matter what. I don't know why she couldn't take you up on your offer, but it must have been the same reasons she had for not coming to me sooner. We'll never know for sure honey, but you did your best for her, and I know she cared for you a lot. She spoke of you, even though you never called the hospital to find you how she was.”

“But I DID call, Cathilynn! I did! They wouldn't tell me anything because I wasn't family! I tried to tell them that I was her only friend but they still wouldn't tell me anything. My dad even tried, but got the same answer. The only reason they told me anything about her today, was I guess so I would know where her funeral was going to be!”

“I'm so sorry, honey.” I told her. “I never knew that anyone had called or stopped by to check on Sara, no one told me. I think maybe they knew I was under a lot of stress and that would only add to it. It doesn't excuse what they did, but it's done, and you came here to say goodbye. I'll step away so you can have some privacy. You let me know when you're done, okay? I'll be right over there. I pointed to a far corner of the room, then I walked away to wait.

Nancy went close to the coffin and I saw her take Sara's hand in hers. I could hear her talking to Sara, but I couldn't make out any words. She was still crying, and her posture told me that she was heartbroken. I waited until she motioned that she was done, and I quickly crossed the room to hug her.

“Honey, I know Sara would want you to stay for the funeral, will you please? It would help me too, knowing that she has at least one more friend here to say goodbye.”

“O...okay, Cathilynn. I will. I'm so sorry I let her down!”

“No honey. You didn't let her down, society did...her parents did, but not you. You did all you could, all she would let you do, for her.” A thought struck me. “Honey, do you have a job? Are you going to high school or college?”

“No Cathilynn. I graduated from high school last year, but my grades weren't high enough for any scholarships, and my folks can't afford for me to go to college. I tried to find work, but no one wants to hire a girl like me. You know, a Transsexual?”

“Nancy, after all this is over, I want you to come see me at the Home. I think I have an idea that will net you both a job, and a college. I have to talk to a couple of people, but I think I can work it out for you. It's the least I can do for Sara's only real friend, and I think she would want me to do something for you, okay?”

“Oh Cathilynn! Do you mean it? I'd given up hope, thinking I'd never amount to anything, never leave this town, always be a burden on my family! OH thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you again for being there for Sara. She deserved a lot better than she ever got. I'll leave you with her now, but I'll wait upstairs for you. Okay?”

“You bet honey. Find a couple of women, one is Irene, the other is Sandra. They'll be with the group from the Home. Tell them that we talked and I want you to wait with them.”

Nancy nodded her head and went back upstairs, leaving me alone one last time with Sara. I went to the side of her coffin and took her hand one last time.

“Sara, sweetheart. Your life will not have been wasted. Your memory will live on in the form of a scholarship for girls like you and me. Additionally, I promise that I will find and help as many girls like us that I can find. Your memory will be with me always, as close as my soul. When I close my eyes, I will see you. Not as you are, not as I saw you in the hospital, but as I believe you were in life. Full of hope for the future. I love you,my precious little girl. I always will.”

I left the prep area and went back upstairs where Irene and the rest of my friends from the Home were waiting. Irene and I found a place for me to change clothes for the funeral, and then we rejoined the few people who were there. Sara's mother and father never showed... just as well.

The service only lasted a little while, since there was no one but me and Nancy to deliver any kind of eulogies for Sara. The procession to the Cemetery was short and the interment was over quickly. Sandra gave me some flowers to put on the casket as it was lowered into the ground, and then it was over. A minister said a few words. I wanted to say something but I was too choked up to say anything. There was a little reception we held at the Home, but after that, it was just me, Irene, Sandra Sam, and Nancy, sharing what little we knew about Sara. I finally stood and offered a toast to Sara's memory.

“I offer this toast to you all, and to the world at large. Sara Jackson was buried today, but her memory will never die. At this moment, I rededicate myself to the dream that built this lace. I will not rest until justice punishes those who took Sara from us, and I thank whatever fate that brought us to her when she needed us. This Home That Love Built, this dream of so many others, will never close it's doors to anyone TG, for any reason. It's name will always be formally known as The Home That Love Built, but it's new, unofficial name will be, The Sara Home! So let it be written, so let it be done.”

I raised my glass, joined by Irene, Sandra, Sam, Nancy, and other residents. We all stood, clinked glasses and each one rededicated him or herself to the Home and it's reason for being. Then things kind of wound down. I stopped everyone for just a minute more, saying:

“I have a date with a doctor tomorrow morning. Sam, would you do me the honor of taking me there? Irene and Sandra are going to have their hands full, running this place until I get back.”

“I will indeed, Miss Cathilynn.” Sam said. I've been your friend since we were in grade school, and I'll be your friend until death do us part. I'm honored to know you, my dear, and proud of your courage. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Good night ladies. Sweet dreams to you all, and better days for all of us.” He then raised his eyes to the ceiling and said: Goodnight Sara. Rest easy and know that we all loved you.”

With a tear in his eye, he hugged each of us and went out the door.

I looked around at the other girls.

I think we all should get some sleep. I have the feeling that it's going to get very busy around here, so we need to be at our best. Thank you all for all that you did for Sara and for me. I promise I'm going to be around for a long time, and will take much better care of myself. Fate chose well when it sent you to the Home to help make a dream, real. Good night ladies. As Sam said, sweet dreams to you all, and better days for all of us. I love you all.”

Turning to go to my room, I took Nancy by the hand. Will you please come with me and tell me more about Sara? I want to know everything there is to know about her and her life, and I think you need to talk as well. I want to know all about you too, honey. After all, if you're going to work here an go to school, we need to be friends, don't you think?”

Nancy looked up at me and smiled.

“I agree Miss Cathilynn. I'd be pleased to talk about Sara and to tell you about me and my family. Shall we go?”

We linked arms and walked off dow the hall. Tomorrow would be a new day and there would be more Sara's to come. I vowed to save every one of them that I could, and I knew that every resident, every worker, everyone who had anything to do with the Home would do their utmost to do the same thing.

The End

FROM THE AUTHOR: So ends Sara's story. I have shed untold tears in it's writing, but I found a new dedication within myself as well. I can't do much, but like Cathilynn said, I will do my utmost to help however many Sara's I can find. Each night, before I go to sleep, I will pray for all the girls who have no one who have lost everything, and I will offer prayers for all those who have been taken before their times, by violence and hatred. I hope my little story made you think. I hope it made you glad for whatever you have.

Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting. I invested a lot of my own emotions in the writing of Sara's story, and it's gratifying to know that I touched some of you with it as well.

Sweet dreams to you all, and better days to us all as well.

All my love and hopes,
Catherine Linda Michel