Not a story...a lament to a lost love.

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This is a tribute, a remembrance, a lament...to the best man I ever knew, the best human being, my secret love.

He was taken from us...from me, several years ago, but he still lives in my heart and my memories. He knew how I felt, but we could never let on to anyone else. He never did.

I really don't care how any of this is taken by anyone, but as emotional as I have been for the last few days, I HAD to get this out of me for my sanity's sake.

To Mikey, my secret love, my hero, my heart.

I'm missing you tonite...
lying here looking up at the stars.

I miss the times we had
and all the good and bad...

I know there's a reason you had to go
but what it is I don't know.

you left me here alone
how was I supposed to go on
how can I live with the pain
knowing we'll never meet again.

we laughed and played and did great things
and never gave a thought
to how short our times were
or how soon they would end.

you made me feel important
and like I mattered.

you were my hero, my rock
upon your mighty shoulders waves of gloom crashed uselessly
never standing a chance of breaking you...or us.

The phone rang...it was bad
I rushed to your side...but you were gone.

I never had the chance to say goodbye
or even, see you later.
that great light, your life, was gone in an instant
and left me here, broken and spent
knowing that I would never hear your voice again
or see your beautiful face.

I'd never be held in your arms
sheltered from a cruel uncaring world
by your strength and love.

it's unfair of me to rail at fate
or curse whatever god took you from me
but, lying here alone and remembering...

I'm missing you tonite...and always will.

your Cathy...forever.

FROM THE AUTHOR:

I am NOT despondent, nor am I considering anything dumb or drastic.

My heart still aches as I sit here, holding the hat and jacket he always wore, given to me after his passing, by his wife...who knew how I felt.

I don't plan to be shuffling off this mortal coil anytime soon, but then again, neither did he.

If you love someone, TELL THEM!!!!!! You never, never know when you might never get the chance again.

These included songs say what I need to say better than I ever could.

One More Day by Diamond Rio.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuE1XJ_uqOs

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished for one more day with you
One more day, one more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again, I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you
One more day
First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl
I'd unplug the telephone and keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do with one more day with you
One more day, one more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for…
One more day, one more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you
One more day (one more day)

Not a Day Goes By
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYzVVr4z70o
Song By Lonestar

Got a picture of you I carry in my heart
Close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark
Got a memory of you I carry in my soul
I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold
If you asked me how I'm doin' I'd say just fine
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all this time you're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by

I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night
Thinkin' you might call me if your dreams don't turn out right
And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark
Wishin' you were next to me, with your head against my heart
If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say just fine
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all this time you're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by

Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days
Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all this time you're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by
That I don't think of you

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Comments

Mine is not

for a lost love, but I would give anything Papa for one more day with you.

The Hurt the Loss Never Truly Heals

BarbieLee's picture

When we give a piece of our heart along with unconditional love to someone, we share never thinking what might be if they are no longer there to give back those emotions. How insincere we are until it happens to us as we express sympathy to those who have lost someone.
"They are in a better place now."
"They are no longer hurting."
"They are waiting for us and we will see them again."

Words all true but meaningless. They carried our love, or heart, and it is never whole after they are no longer there to talk to, to hold, to tell them, "I love you". Does the pain ever go away? Honestly, no, we carry it in our heart, our soul, until it's our time to abandon these mortal bodies and once more join all those we bonded with and love.
There are very few treasures here on this earth I care for. The kids and friends of course. The majority of my treasures are in God's Kingdom and I'm looking forward to being with all of them again. I made that trip when I was sixteen. Next time I'm not coming back.
Have Faith, you will see all your friends and loved ones again. I know it doesn't fill up the hole in your heart and soul now but it's the truth.
Hugs Cathy
Barb
Life is a gift, treasure it until it's time to return it.

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

Hugs

Lucy Perkins's picture

No words will ever help.
At least know that you are getting hugs, and everyone who reads this's thoughts,
Lucy xx

"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."