I often wonder what people see when they look at me.
For example, let me ask you a question.
If you were waiting by your dad's bedside in a hospital room, and an aunt came in with someone else in tow, and that someone else had a hairband, a pony tail, earrings, a purse, and visible breasts came in, but as far as you knew said aunt never had a daughter, would you say something? If not right away sometime in the next hour that said person was in the room watching your dad sleep?
Or would you do what my cousin did and say nothing whatsoever about my appearance?
I kinda wish he would have said something, so I could talk about it, but because he didn't I didnt bring it up either, so the whole issue sat there between us growing stale.
Ah, well
Comments
Ever think maybe
He just doesn't care one way or another? When we buried my mother two months ago, the only family member that said anything was one cousin who wanted to know where I'd gotten my dress. Why obsess over it, that's a waste of time.
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
I'm inclined to agree
Consider the fact that your cousin didn't react badly and cause a scene - it could have been much worse. Perhaps your cousin was too wrapped up in the fact that his father was lying in a hospital bed to react to you. Perhaps he believed that the best reaction was to act like there was nothing out of the ordinary.
How many times have we all wished that everyone would just take us as we wish to be seen? Now your objecting because he didn't say anything?
OK, I'll admit that if it were me a compliment on how I looked would have been nice. Maybe how nice my hair looked, or what a pretty outfit I was wearing, or maybe even asking if it was a new purse, but let's be real here. It could have been much, much worse.
I for one would be soooooo happy to be able to have walked into a hospital, visited a patient, and left without anyone staring, pointing, whispering, or making a nasty comment.
Everything has a silver lining - just find it and be happy with it.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Assumptions
Perhaps it is you who is making the assumption here. In the described scenario, why would you automatically assume that the person with your aunt is her daughter? There are other kinds of relatives. The other person doesn't have to be a relative - I know, in hospital this is less likely, but even so.
It is surprising to me, sometimes, just how often we draw conclusions based on the slimmest evidence. Sometimes that works to our advantage, as you have found, sometimes it may lead to unreasoned conflict, hostility or just plain confusion.
Penny
The way you decribed the setting.
It sounds like you only expected to be recognized by the fact you were accompanying someone and that since you were you must be a relative. And that is a big assumption. Objectively a non relative might stay out in order to not intrude or might go in as moral support for the person they were accompanying. It also sounds to me from the way you described things that you have not been in any contact at all with your cousin. Is he aware that there was a change? When was the last time you met, Would he have even recognized the old you? He may simply have had no clue who you were. And like others said, He would likely have had something more important on his mind.
Something...
Something I've noticed in the past year may be in play for you...
MOST of the time MOST of my relatives (& friends for that matter) have NO desire to talk about my transition, what I feel, etc. The few I've asked about this have responded "it's your business".
From this, I get that they wish me the best, but really don't want to talk about it. They don't feel any "need" in learning how I felt growing up or the past decades. Some seem to be very accepting - and use my new name. Others (including my mom) don't even try. Yet none has rejected me.
So - what may have happened - the cousin recognized you, had already heard you dressed like a girl and was like "okay that's "Dorothy's thing" and focused on the visit.
I've come to the conclusion most do NOT want to talk about it. I could speculate on the whys, but that's just speculation.
Good luck,
Annette