That Might Work

Sunday was quiet. I spent much of it dismantling my old twin bed and hiding it in the closet next to my useless Harry clothes. I got a piece of plywood to expand the surface of my old school desk, set up my computer stuff and went out to buy a decent chair. That old wooden thing I used as a kid just didn't cut it any more, even if I'd padded my bottom.

With that accomplished, I went down to the den and plugged in my cable modem and wi-fi unit, spent a few minutes chatting with the tech and reading strings of letters and numbers from the bottom of the modem and I was back on line.

Somehow I couldn't get Mom to understand why I had to put that stuff on top of the TV. Why did I need it? I finally told her I had taken up Voodoo and it was a shrine to the Great God Google, the patron of unreliable information. At least she knew enough about Google to get the joke.

No more excuses, I was going to have to start turning my words from thought waves into electrons, which would then be converted into magnetic variations on a hard disk. Actually, two hard disks - I run a dual backup, no way I want to lose any work.

Remember I spend as much time doing research as I do writing. I can reel off glib things like how a word processor works because I often need a geek to explain why something improbable works. I can speak pigeon geek, but fluency? For the birds!

Actually, once I was set up, my Muse started working overtime. I've always thought that Sherry is a better writer than Harry, and being Sherry/Carrie full time had me typing as fast as my Aqua painted fingers could hit the keyboard. I had just successfully fought off the advances of Baron Badanovski, the slimy ruler of Direland. (OK, her faithful Maid Lucinda had done the fighting while Lady Elaine screamed and generally got in the way.) Lady Elaine was swooning in the manly arms of Prince… Prince? - What the hell did I name the Prince? - when the phone rang.

"Mom? Is that you?"

My sister, the actual Carrie was on the phone.

"Not Mom, your sister Sherry is staying with her. Hi Carrie, I guess you got my letter."

"I did. What's happening with Mom?

I'm afraid she's lost a few marbles and they're rolling around on the floor. One of them is that she is very annoyed with you because you've been wearing boy's clothes again. You do know you're too pretty to be wearing your brother's clothes?"

"Oh Lord!"

"It gets better. Lucy was mad at you because you didn't even call her and you'd been in town almost a whole week."

"Are you trying to ruin my reputation?"

"Don't worry. Sherry took her out and plied her with alcohol and she forgave you. Me? I'm not so sure which, really."

"I can't leave you alone for five minutes, let alone a year. Maybe you ought to come over here where I can keep an eye on you."

"Would I have to wear a burka?"

"Not here, but it's hot enough that your falsies would feel really nasty."

"Another reason to go with implants."

"You wouldn't!"

"There are times I wish, but it's so permanent!"

"Still too much on the male side to make a commitment?"

"Hey, I'm man enough to be a woman."

"Enough. This call is costing a fortune. What are you going to do with Mom?"

"Wait, watch, talk to doctors, learn as much as I can. And hide her car keys."

"Is that necessary?"

"It may be. I can play chauffeur."

"I love you, Sherry. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Especially if people think you're me."

"They'll never know the difference. Love you, sis."

Bridges

"Carrie, dear, could you move your car for me?" Mom asked.

I was deep in a creative fog, so it took a second to answer.

"Can you wait a minute, Lady Elaine is trapped deep…"

I stopped. Car… Move… Mother… Uh-oh!

"Why would you need to move my car, Mom?" I asked.

"Why so I can go to my bridge game. We play every Wednesday. I'm the reigning champion, you know."

"Mom, remember that while I'm here you don't need to drive yourself, I'm your chauffeur. Give me a minute to save my work."

"Now darling, there's no need to stop working. I've been driving myself to the game for years and years."

"Where is the game?"

"At Carlene's house this week."

"Then I'm certainly going. I can hang out with Lucy while you defeat all comers and remain champion."

"I suppose if you want to see Lucy…"

"I do. Are you ready?"

"Of course, dear."
 

"Sherry! Praise be to the lord for her favors!" Lucy cried when I came in with Mom.

"Lucy, I never knew you cared."

"You could be a Barbary Ape for all I care, just so long as I have someone to talk with while the old biddies play bridge."

"Ook?"

"I just wish we could go to the library and travel through L-space and get away from here. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"Eek!"

"No?"

"No - I just wish my books sold as well as Sir Terry's."

"You should put them on disk for the world, then."

"You're bad."

"You started it."

"I take it you aren't a bridge fan?"

"I never could keep track of all those cards and remember what was trumps. Mom got exasperated with me when I tried to play."

"Mom got exasperated with me for not letting her drive herself here."

"That must be tough."

"It is. She's not bad enough to burn down the house or anything, but I really don't want her driving. There are a couple of dents in that big boat she drives that she can't explain."

"I remember a couple of dents in your father's car that you couldn't explain."

"That was Harry. I'm Sherry, remember?"

"Now just who is having memory problems?"

"I can't remember."

"You're impossible. Come into the kitchen and help me make the snacks."

"And what do society women snack on at a bridge party?

"Tasteful little sandwiches without crusts, pita wedges with spinach-artichoke dip, Chex mix and sliced cucumbers so they can claim it's healthy."

"Only one problem."

"And that is?"

"I'll eat up all the spinach-artichoke dip before it leaves the kitchen."

"A girl after my own heart."

"And what would you do with my heart if you got it?"

"Brandish it still beating to the Sun God?"

"Too messy. I don't want to have to dry clean this skirt."

"I think the participants were traditionally naked at such affairs."

"I fear my identity is highly dependant on remaining clothed."

"You want to use the vegetable peeler to make stripes on the cucumber?"

"Better than peeling off my skirt."

"Not from my point of view."

"Eh?"

"Think about it. I'll explain sometime."

"Does this involve bodices getting ripped?"

"The buttons are there for a purpose, don't you think?"

"You do realize that every time Lady Elaine is about to get screwed she gets her bodice ripped. I have to give her a simply enormous clothing allowance in order to keep writing my books."

You ever think of giving her a lover who wasn't in a hurry?"

"Jeez! Next thing you'll be wanting Baron Badanovski to use a condom."

"Did they have condoms in Lady Elaine's era?"

"Damned if I know. I couldn't get away with being that descriptive, the publisher would freak out."

"Would they? I've heard rumors about your first book."

"They're more than rumors. It got made into an out-and-out porn film. I made lots of money and try not to tell anyone how I got it."

"We'll have to watch it together sometime."

"I've never seen it. I don't want to see it."

"Seriously? It's probably on You-Tube by now."

"Not likely. Community standards and all that sanctimonious crap."

"Maybe Screw-Tube?"

"Now that's an idea. I bet I would make a lot more money than I do writing books."

"Google it and see."

"Alright, I will… Hmmm… Well damn - there is a screw-tube but it's a part for watch straps."

"How disappointing! A strap and it isn't even used for B&D."

Actually, she did look a little bit disappointed at the news.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Quarter after."

"Time to serve the repast. You take the platter and I'll bring the tea."

"Deal."
 

Hanging out with Lucy was great fun, even if I had to leave Lady Elaine stranded in a dank, dark cave - all caves in romance novels are dank and dark or gleaming with glittering jewels - while I had a good time. Besides, her Faithful Maid Lucinda would keep her entertained until I got back to her.

Turns out that Lucy, a CPA, worked for a firm that still held to the quaint notion of closing early on Wednesdays. For an outfit who's business lived and died on an extensive and complex computer system, they sure had some old-fashioned notions.

Somewhere along the way she asked what I was writing and I explained Lady Elaine's predicament. Trapped in a cave with Baron Badanovski in one direction and the Malevolent Maw of Doom waiting to swallow her up in the other. I still was trying to figure out how to get her out of there.

"I don't suppose the hero could be waiting just below the edge of the Malevolent Maw to rescue her?" she asked.

"No! No! No! Against the rules. Lady Elaine is a plucky lass who rescues herself even if she is a blonde bimbo and dumb as a post. That's mostly thanks to her Faithful Maid Lucinda's resourcefulness and ability to make Lady Elaine look good. Selfless lass, that Lucinda."

"Hummm… How about she finds an invisible bridge and crosses safely to a trumpet fanfare?"

"Has possibilities. Can the trumpets and have one of the Baron's Hell-hounds bound viciously with a gaping red-tinged jaws, but the lithesome wench dodges. Lucinda gives the beast a whack with her parasol and the Hell-hound skids toward the Malevolent Maw, only to encounter the invisible bridge and slide halfway across the pit. Then the creature freaks out and falls to his doom leaving the resourceful damsel able to flee to safety, her virtue still intact."

"Just so long as the Hell-hound didn't leave any fleas to harass the fleeing maiden."

"No - too close to crabs. Lucinda would never let Lady Elaine get an STD."

"Not unless the Baron actually did catch her."

"I suppose the Baron is evil enough to have crabs. Never gonna happen though, I want to milk this series for all it's worth. Once he puts it to her the dramatic tension is gone forever"

"Do you ever picture yourself as Lady Elaine?"

"Yes."

"You do?"

"I wouldn't dress like this if I didn't enjoy doing it."

"But why?"

"That's a question that doesn't really have an answer. The best I can do is that it feels good. It feels right."

"I assume those are falsies."

"Certainly. Best money can buy."

"Do you want to… go all the way?"

"I don't think so. I'm not attracted to men, so it just wouldn't make sense."

"So you would be a lesbian?"

"The language can't handle things like that. Too many variations with too many people. Can you imagine six pages of newly created words to cover each possible combination?"

"Put it like that and it gives me a whole new perspective. So if I got you into bed there wouldn't be a word for it?"

"With any luck I would be incapable of forming coherent words. You wouldn't be disappointed if my breasts fell off when I took off my bra?"

"That sounds gross!"

"Actually, they're glued on so you wouldn't have to find out."

"Really? Glued?"

"Next best thing to having the real thing."

"Do you want the real thing."

"Yes."

"So why haven't you done it?"

"That would be permanent. I hadn't made up my mind until just recently. Since I've been Carrie in public for the last couple of weeks I realize it's time to make it permanent."

"I had no idea."

"Most people don't. You're the first person I've been able to tell this to. Are you still interested?"

"C'mon Sherry, just say it out loud. We're adults, I want you in my bed, I've wanted that with Harry since we were in high school but Harry was a nerd that didn't notice. When you were being Carrie it just didn't seem right to come on to you. When you're Sherry it's the best of both worlds."

"Even if I did get implants?"

"I don't know. Remember that old commercial? 'Try it - you'll like it!' We can see if it works when you do it."

"Uh, Lucy. We need to talk about something else for a while. I'm having an ungirlish reaction."

"I'm making you hard? The girl's still got it." She shot her clenched fist into the air. "Too bad we can't attend to that little problem."

"Not with eight gray-haired ladies in the next room, we can't."

"Too right. Who would have thought we'd be in our thirties and still trying to evade our mothers to have sex?"

"Too bad my cabin is so far away."

"My place is a lot closer, and I have a queen size bed."

"I thought we were going to change the subject.

"How 'bout them Mets?"

"No good - balls and bats, y'know."

To tell you the truth, I really don't remember what we talked about. I was distracted.
 

We could hear the party breaking up and Mom and Mrs Kesslere found us in the kitchen.

"Carrie, would you mind if I stole your mother for a little while?" asked Lucy's mother.

Lucy cracked a big smile.

"Despite her just trouncing me at cards, I still love her."

"Of course not. I'll steal your daughter in exchange."

"We haven't been to the botanical garden in just ages. There's no time like the present, and then we'll have dinner somewhere that has outdoor seating. We don't want to waste these warm days in October."

"See Lucy, our parents are showing us the ways of wisdom. I'm sure we can find something to amuse us while you're enjoying nature.

"Excellent! Have a good time, Mom."

"Don't stay out too late, darling. You have school tomorrow," Mom admonished.

Mrs K gave me a look and I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Got it covered, Mom. Don't worry. Have a good time."

"School, eh?" asked Lucy.

"See why I'm worried."

"Yet she still can play bridge and skunk everybody."

"Dementia can be very erratic. I'm starting to learn how to handle Mother."

"I'm sorry, Sherry."

"Part of life. She nurtured me, I'll nurture her."

"And we can nurture each other. There's a bed waiting for us."

"Was I really that dense as a kid that I didn't notice the signals you were sending me?" I asked the woman laying warmly in the bed.

"Damn right you were!"

"Is it too late to apologize?"

"After the last couple of hours there's no need. No hard feelings - other than those you've just put to good use."

"I suppose this is where I ask 'Did the earth move?' "

"Not the earth, lover, but you move very nicely. I kind of like watching your boobies bounce while you're sliding in and out."

"Really?"

"Really, even if they don't look all that real just hanging there."

"One of the reasons I think I'm ready to get implants."

"Hormones?"

"No, I enjoy looking feminine but I don't hate my penis."

"Funny, I don't hate your penis, either, and I think I'm in love with your hands and tongue."

"You have a certain talent yourself. For a first time we seem to know just what the other wants."

"Will there be a second time?"

"If we can manage to work it in our schedules. I really wish I could stay the night, but your Mom will be bring my Mom home soon. A few hours is OK, but she has fallen twice going to the bathroom at night so I don't want to be gone overnight."

"Would it upset her if I spent the night?"

"I… I don't think so. She is firmly convinced I'm Carrie, even if I spend hours every day at the computer writing like Harry."

"Now that I finally got you in my bed, I don't want to let you out of it."

"The feeling is mutual. Let's not rush into things, you don't need another failed marriage and I don't need to screw up a first one. You've been a friend too long for us to end up hating each other. Besides, when I get my implants you may change your mind."

"Actually, I'm kind of looking forward to seeing the real thing bouncing."

"Genuine imitations, anyway."

A Very Tentative Query

We reluctantly showered and retrieved our clothes from where they lay abandoned in our haste. Like an attentive date, Lucy accompanied me home to find our mothers waiting."

"Gee Mom!" I wined. "You didn't have to wait up for us."

That had Lucy's mother smiling.

"We were good girls, really we were." affirmed Lucy.

Very good from my point of view!

"I'm sure you were, darlings. Lucy, could you help Elaine put up some tea, I need to talk to Carrie for a minute."

"Sure, Mom. C'mon Auntie, show me where things are."

So they went off to the kitchen and I was alone with Lucy's mother.

Carrie, have you noticed anything odd about your mother lately?"

"I'm afraid I have…"

So I told her about my concerns and the doctor visits.

"I'm so sorry," she said when I had run down. "Something just didn't seem right this afternoon. Elaine was a demon at bridge today; she skunked us all, but there were several things she said that just didn't make sense."

"That's why I'm staying here for the duration."

"But don't you have responsibilities with Doctors Without Borders?"

"That's another thing. Aunt Carlene, she's convinced I'm Carrie, but I'm Harry."

"No! You're still doing that silliness after all these years?"

"I'm afraid it's not silliness, it's who I am. I've been living as a woman for many years. I came home as Harry so Mom wouldn't be confused and she got mad at Carrie for dressing like Harry."

"That's confusing."

"It certainly is! There's one thing I've learned in studying about dementia - You've got to go to where she is… she can't come back where I am. Since that's where I want to be, it's not a hardship. The hardship is watching my mother go downhill."

"Oh darling, I'm so sorry. Is there any way I can help?"

"Just be her friend, spend time with her. I think she's gotten isolated as her condition got worse, but being all alone it wasn't so obvious."

"She has been a homebody for quite a while."

"And I've been off in my cabin in the woods writing for a living and didn't notice. Our phone calls seemed OK, but Caroline got worried and asked me to see her. Caroline was right to be worried."

"So you did become a writer. We've kind of lost touch. What do you write?"

"Whatever somebody will pay me for! My mainstay is bodice-rippers, pretty ironic considering how I dress, isn't it?"

"You're kidding!"

"Nope. The adventures of Lady Elaine are quite popular. Named after Mother as a joke. Lady Elaine is a ditz, about as far from Mom as you can get."

"You can't … You don't mean… You're Sherry Chaleux?"

"Oui! You are maybe a fan?" I asked in an atrocious French accent.

"I am! Then Lucinda is…"

"Your daughter."

"Well I never!"

"Never what?" asked Lucy as she came back."

"I'll tell you later, dear. Emma, that looks lovely, just what I need."

"Your Lucy is such a help."

"A pleasure, Auntie."

The rest of the conversation was trivial, but I was coming to the realization that I couldn't take care of Mother alone. To use a much-maligned phrase - It takes a village.