Virtually Feminine - Part 11 - First Day - Again

Cathy goes into the office dressed as her true self for the first time.

Thanks to Gabi for editing this for me and picking up all my mistakes, and for encouraging me to get on and write.

Virtually Feminine - Part 11 - First Day - Again

I woke up the next morning in a panic as my phone’s alarm went off. I didn’t recognise the room and it took me a moment to remember where I was. I also realised what day it was. My first day at work as Cathy. Shit.

What was I thinking? I wasn’t ready for this!

I needed a month’s preparation, expert help, a team of psychologists and buckets of drugs.

Instead, I had a slight hangover, I was miles from home and I didn’t even know my hosts.

I sighed and started to get up. Jenny had left me a towel. I took my toiletries bag and headed off to find the bathroom. There was no sign of Jenny or Mark. I took a quick shower, with a shower cap. The pressure was rubbish and the bathroom was not as clean as mine at home. I wrapped the towel around me (yes, girl-style) and headed back to my room.

I had unpacked my outfit and left it to hang last night. I checked it over this morning. It looked ok. I wasn’t going to have to try and find an iron, thank goodness.

I dressed and did my makeup. I fussed with my wig and did a final check of my appearance. I had butterflies in my tummy. There was no way I wanted breakfast, not that Mark or Jenny were around to offer any. I sighed and dug out a piece of paper from my bag. I scrawled a quick thank you note. Packed everything and got it set by the door. I put the note on the kitchen table and quietly let myself out.

I made my way to my car using the maps app on my phone, it was quite a trek. Then I drove to the office. It was early, about 8:30 am. The earliest that I had ever seen the office (unless you count the times I had still been in the office and working at 1:30 am after a long day).

I kept my head down and made my way to my desk. I started my laptop and went to get a coffee from the machine. There were no other Bid Managers or Salespeople around this early. There were a couple of Technical Consultants around, but they just ignored me.

I sat down and started going through emails and messages from yesterday, firing off messages to chase contributors to my current bids. I sipped my coffee and my heart rate started dropping back from the humming-bird wings level it had been at. I sighed and relaxed a little, I’d made it through the door, no one had screamed and pointed at me.

As I settled into my normal working day I rubbed my nylon clad legs together and looked at my reflection in the windows across the office. Showing office Barbie with auburn hair typing away. There was a little thrill of triumph that I had made it and a sense of rightness with the world that I hadn’t realised was missing.

Although I was scared and anxious about what would happen as the office filled up, I felt as though a weight had fallen from my shoulders.
Bev came in, she was the first of the bid managers to arrive. She was dressed in a similar way to me. She was a little older than me and looked like a blonde, prettier and more feminine version of me. She gave me a nod of recognition and sat down to start work without a comment.

The other bid managers and technical consultants came in over the next 25 minutes or so. They all did much the same as Bev, or ignored me altogether.

Sally, my boss, came in almost exactly at 9 am. Her desk was next to mine. She came over, placed her laptop on the desk and her handbag next to mine.

“This is an unexpected pleasure, seeing you in the office this early, Cathy” she said.

“Ah,” I said, blushing slightly, “I stayed in Malmesbury last night. Plus, I don’t really want to be walking to the overflow carpark at 7 pm anymore, safety in numbers, you know?”

“Oh, of course I understand that… “ Sally said, “all of the other… bid managers… understand that, I think.”

I think she was going to say ‘women’ for a moment, but I guess the jury was still out on whether I qualified. I was certainly a bid manager though, at least.

“When is your first meeting this morning?” Sally asked.

“I have a bid kick-off at 11 am for the new camera system” I said.

“Any problems I should be aware of?” Sally asked.

“Aside from me being the new girl now?” I asked with a slight smile.

“Hmm…Do you want me to come?” Sally asked.

I sighed.

“I’m a big girl now, I chose this path. Now I have to see how things go…” I said.

Sally grinned.

“I’ve sat next to you for five years now and never really seen anything in you to suggest that you would one day…” she started, then waved her hand as she trailed off.

“It seems so incongruous to hear those words, in your voice now… But you certainly look…well put together!” Sally concluded brightly.

“Er, thanks” I said, not really sure how to respond. “I know it will be a five minute wonder, and people will react, both good and bad reactions. I’m just looking forward to when all this is normal - whatever normal is.”

“Julie asked if you could go and see her in HR when you got in. They want to sort out new photo ID and some other issues” Sally said.

“Sure,” I said, and picked up my handbag. I checked it had my phone and a notepad and pen and I headed off to see Julie.

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Julie wasn’t at her desk when I got to the HR office. Dianne, her boss, was there. I worked with Dianne at our previous company. She’d been recruited into the current company, but I’d been made redundant a couple of years later. We’d never been friendly. Dianne had always been ambitious and played office politics.

“Oh! Erm… ‘Cathy’, isn’t it?” she said to me.

“Yes, Dianne” I said with a smile.

“Julie will be back in a moment, she’s just getting coffee. Please, take a seat…” Dianne said as she indicated the seat next to Julie’s desk. A few of the desks in HR had a ‘visitor’s chair’ next to them, as they spent so long with people from other teams sat next to them.

I sat carefully in the chair with my knees together and my back straight. Dianne gave me an odd look, then returned to her office to the side of the main HR office.

Julie turned up a moment later with a tray of coffees, she took one look at me and gave me a big smile.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get one for you, I didn’t expect you to be here yet” she explained as she passed out the coffees to her colleagues.

“It’s ok, I’ve already had one coffee this morning” I said.

“I must say, you look very professional, I love that outfit… Which is excellent, because I have to re-do your photo IDs today” Julie said, “Can you stand over there, by the wall?”

She got up and retrieved an odd-looking camera from a cupboard. I went over and stood by the wall. While I was waiting for her to get the camera ready I quickly got out my small mirror from my handbag and checked how I looked, kicking myself for not checking in the toilets before I came in.

“Ha!” said Julie “Yes, I do that before I get my photo taken, as well… Not like all the men… the only one of them who cares how he looks on his pass is Alex!”

Alex was the obviously gay guy who worked in procurement. He always wore gorgeously tailored suits with loud ties and a broach of some sort. I’d not had much to do with Alex since he joined a few months ago, despite the fact that Procurement was a major contributor to the figures for the costing models. Alex generally got the prices for the comms kit rather than the software that I worked on. Maybe, now that we were both poster children for the alphabet mafia, we would be thrown together more often?

Julie took her photos and gestured for me to sit back down.

“How’s it all going?” she asked, keeping her voice low, as if to prevent everyone else in the office from listening in. It was a small office, and there wasn’t much chance of our conversation not being overheard.

“Well, it’s early in the day… most people have just ignored me, so far…” I said, with a wry smile.

“Hopefully they are just trying to pretend it’s the new normal until it is the new normal?” Julie said.

“Maybe” I said, with a shrug.

“Let me know if there are any… difficulties?” Julie said

“Nothing so far” I reassured her.

“OK, well… I’ll get your badge to you in an hour or so… Good luck!” Julie said.

“Thanks, Julie” I said, giving her a warm smile as I rose to return to my desk.

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When I got back to my desk Nicky and Sarah, the two salespeople, had both come in. Sarah did a double-take when she saw me sit at the desk and Nicky gave me an odd look and immediately went back to reading something on her screen.

I quickly got back to work preparing for the bid kick-off meeting.

One thing I hadn’t thought of was how I was going to get my laptop, my phone, my notepad and various pens, plus the bid folder over to the meeting room. I asked Sally if I could borrow one of the old laptop bags in the cupboard behind us and I packed everything in the bag so that I could carry it easily. Not having pockets was an issue. I had a new respect for the way the other bid managers managed to balance everything in a pile and carry it. I’d never given that much thought to it in the past. I’d always thrown everything in my laptop bag rucksack, but that seemed inelegant now.

I set up earlier than normal, to give myself time to crawl under the desk if necessary, to find the HDMI lead without flashing my knickers in my skirt. Nicky came in first, as the sales lead on this job, then the Sales director, Finance director, CEO and the Development manager.

I had the first slide of my presentation up on the screen, which was Nicky’s cue for her sales pitch:
She explained what the bid was for and, as she so frequently did, she explained how this business was ‘vital to the future success of the company’. What I didn’t expect was her next line, which was:

“I therefore wonder whether it wouldn’t be an idea to consider another bid manager, instead of Andy, as he may be a distraction to the process of bidding!”

I looked around the room like a startled rabbit in the headlights.

Ray, the sales director, was trying not to smirk, and failing. Nicky was watching him for approval. Brian, the finance director, looked a little pissed off. Bruce, the CEO, was watching me expectantly. Simon, the dev manager looked puzzled.

Hmm.

“Gentlemen,” I said, with as much authority as I could muster, “as the only person who seems to be distracted by the sight of a bid manager wearing a skirt is Nicky, perhaps we should continue?”

I launched into my presentation with a detailed plan of the resources and timescales for completing the bid and a spreadsheet showing that the difference between making a small profit and making an exceptional profit (that matched the sales forecast) relied upon the procurement team negotiating a discount for buying a key component in bulk.

Brian and Bruce were clearly impressed with the preparation I had done. Ray looked like he had swallowed a wasp. Simon still looked puzzled.

Bruce signed off the top sheet for the bid resources, giving me authority to request resources from the rest of the company.

I packed up as everyone else left and headed back to my desk. Nicky was in Ray’s office with him. Sally looked at me questioningly as I set my laptop up.

“Can I see you for a minute?” I asked, gesturing to the meeting room opposite Ray’s office.

Sally arched an eyebrow and followed me. I shut the door behind her and sighed.

“So, how did it go?” Sally asked.

“Nicky asked if it wouldn’t be a good idea to give her important bid to another bid manager because I would be distracted!” I said. I tried not to sound too whiney.

“Oh? Really. It’s funny how she never put the request in an email to me!” Sally said “What did you say?”

“I said the only person who seemed to be distracted by a bid manager in a skirt was her, and then I showed them the bid plan and the example cost model with the two costings for that component we discussed”. I said.

“Ha! I bet that made her spat irrelevant!” Sally said.

“Well, yes, but…” I said.

“You’ve made an enemy for life and she will be sticking pins in dolls of you?” Sally guessed.

“Yes, but that’s not the end of it. Nicky never does anything without the approval of a director, recently she’s been buttering up Ray… he clearly put her up to it!” I said.

“There’s no proof, I assume?” Sally said to herself. “OK, let me know if there is more of that. Keep a set of contemporaneous notes, with a list of witnesses. Hopefully, it will blow over.”

I felt relieved. Technically, Ray was Sally’s boss. But, Sally had been with the company for over twenty years, she had shares in the company and her long-term partner was one of the original architects of the command centre systems we sold. Although Ray had the job title of ‘Sales Director’ he was an employee, not an owner - and still on probation. With Sally’s support, I was confident Ray wouldn’t be a problem for me.

“Also,” Sally went on, “give Nicky an outline of the covering letter that you need and a hard deadline of when you need it by. Then write your own covering letter and I will sign it off on her behalf if she doesn’t deliver on time!”

“Argh, I hate this dicking around!” I said, “Why can’t people just, I don’t know, get on with things?”

“Nicky is young, pretty and ambitious. The only way she knows she’s winning is if someone else is losing. You, I’m afraid, painted a target on your back for everyone who needs a scapegoat, by wearing a skirt” Sally said.

“You’re wearing a skirt, too” I pointed out.
“And don’t think I don’t get picked on too! Why do you think there are so few women in our industry? But, I think the rest of the bid managers will back you up, I know I will” Sally said, “I can’t help thinking that one of the reasons that you are dressed this way is to fit in with your colleagues, I noticed you’d changed the diagram for the bid process so that all the stick-men for the bid managers were stick-women!”

“I just wanted to differentiate them from technical consultants and salespeople!” I said “all the rest of the bid managers are female.”

“Well, it made me smile. And now you truly are ‘one of us’,” Sally said “Do what the rest of us do, convince them that even if we don’t wear the trousers, we’re still in charge of the bid!”

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The rest of the day went by without further drama. I left at the same time as the other bid managers, which was about an hour earlier than normal for me, and I headed back to Taunton to pick up my kids for the weekend.