Dream Date

December 2021 Christmas Holidays Story Contest Entry
Mark has a crush on Alison. Alison agrees to date Mark if Mark will take her friend Rachael on a dream date first.
Rachael is dying of cancer and wants one first, and last, special date with a boy. Alison has arranged a special pass to Disneyland Paris for the two of them and she was going to accompany Rachael, but she will give the ticket to Mark, if he will take special care of Rachael.
Mark agrees, because he feels guilty and believes he can earn some brownie points with Alison.

Sorry for the late entry. Life happened.
Thanks to Gabi for the help she was able to give, unfortunately the last half wasn't ready in time for her to offer any assistance.

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Alison was my best friend, but she could be an almighty pain in the ass. She’d been bugging me to talk to Mark all that day, but I just had no idea how to talk to him, or any boy for that matter. It’s not like anyone these days is unaware of transgender kids, and British schools don’t seem to be like the horror stories you hear about in the USA. Most people I’ve spoken to about my gender just get embarrassed and go very quiet. But it does make talking to people tricky, sometimes. It’s the ‘elephant in the room’ everyone knows but doesn’t want to mention.
Now I have a double-whammy, and not everyone knows my second elephant. The big-C, cancer, the ‘no, you can’t have that, you’re too young’ disease.
I sound bitter? Hmm, I was going for insouciant, but bitter probably works too. Not really for myself, this might sound weird, but my death, for me personally, is too abstract a concept to get upset about. The thing that hurts me the most, is the pain it causes everyone who loves me.
Maybe I’m lucky that it’s a small list, then. My Mum, of course, and Alison. My Dad? Pfft, that loser is long gone, I don’t really remember him. I have a sort of hole in my life, where a male presence would fit, but I can’t really imagine how that would work.
I have nightmares, sometimes, that my Dad will turn up and try to ‘save’ me from the girl side. No, I’m probably better off without him. I’m kind of ambivalent about the whole male gender at the moment, and Alison isn’t helping, ever since she heard about my referral to the hospital for diagnostic testing she’s been trying to get me to ‘live my best life’, why can’t I live somebody else’s best life? My life is ‘no great shakes’. Can I live Taylor Swift’s life?

Anyway, she’s been telling me I have to get Mark to talk to me so that he can ask me out. Mark’s only ever had eyes for Alison, so if he does want to ask me out, it can only be as a way to get closer to her.
Her plan may backfire, though. Once he gets to know the real me, he may be spoiled for other girls forever.
Maybe not.

There are two times in my life that I can think of that were harder than talking to Mark: The first was when I summoned up all my courage and decided to tell my Mum that I was Trans. I’d discussed it with Alison first. I think she figured it out before I did, I wasn’t really sure what Trans meant when we first started looking-up things on the internet. It was just, Alison had this feeling that most boys don’t want to play with dolls and dress-up with their female friends. It never struck me as being anything odd. If you’d have asked me if boys played with dolls I would have laughed at you. Obviously, they don’t. But me? Well, I never really thought of myself as ‘a boy’, I just didn’t have anything in common with them. I didn’t really think of myself as ‘a girl’ either, back then. Alison was the only girl I really knew and we were just two friends playing together who liked the same things.
But Alison had this feeling that there was a name for what I was, neither girl or boy but something else. And so, we searched the internet and found all kinds of things that I’m sure our parents would never want us to know about. At the end of the quest I had a name for myself, and so I became ‘Trans’, at least between Alison and me.

It took me another 3 months of reading and thinking before I came out to Mum. She said ‘Thank god! I thought it was something awful!’. With those words she made everything all right, all my fears melted away and being Trans became just another quirk of my personality, nothing to get upset about.

Mum had to do a bunch of reading then, before we sat down to discuss what she had found. She asked me whether I had felt suicidal (not really) or lonely and excluded (isn’t that the normal state for a teenage girl?). Mum wanted me to take everything slowly, but that’s not quite what happened… Julie overheard Alison and me talking and she didn’t know what “Trans” meant, so she asked her friend Katy and one thing led to another and I got outed, more by accident than malice. I got summoned to the Head’s office for a chat.
All my classmates obviously knew it was because of the Trans thing. Apparently Alison was getting a petition started to support me before I got back (it took her five minutes to decide and another five minutes to get the first signature, it was Julie who signed, right under Alison’s signature. She felt bad about all the fuss she had inadvertently caused. Nobody else was that bothered one way or another, but Alison won’t take no for an answer sometimes.

It was kind of irrelevant because I got “The Talk” about how it was nothing to be ashamed of and the school would see to it that I didn’t have to use the boys toilets anymore (but I wasn’t allowed to use the girls toilets, of course) and… frankly I don’t remember all of it. She waffled on for ages and I was completely unequipped to deal with some of the bs she came out with. I think she either had a checklist that was last printed in the 90s or she was making it up as she went along based on ten minutes lookup on Wikipedia.

Looking back on it now it’s almost funny, at the time it was horrid, spilling my most personal secret to the whole school and having this ill-informed if well-meaning old person come out with so much twaddle.

I just wanted to be left alone to get on with my life.

Some hope, I was a five-minute wonder when I got back. Everyone expected me to be cool and fabulous like the gays, transvestites and weirdos on the T.V. I think they were a bit disappointed to find I was still me and I hadn’t been given secret knowledge of all these adult themes that fascinated them (and me, a bit, to be honest).

I told Mum about it that night and she took the day off work and came in to see my Head the next morning.
I don’t know what she said, but I got called back into the office and a blushing Headmistress apologised to me for getting so much wrong.
After that things went back to normal pretty quickly. I was excused from P.E. I hardly used the toilets at school for fear of someone being offended or picking on me.
When I had to I tended to use the disabled one at the front of the school or the unisex single one in the teachers’ lounge (by special dispensation).
Alison would sometimes drag me into the girls toilets to touch up my makeup or something (we rarely wore any, either of us, we were schoolgirls ffs, not fashion models). No one ever complained or made any comment as far as I know. Anything too graphic (tampons, pads, waste elimination or changing clothes) would be done in a cubicle anyway. I never went into the boys’ toilets again after that day, and I didn’t miss them. Girls are not delicately scented flowers (at least, not the ones at our school) but boys? Boys are pigs, eww.

Mum got me a referral from our GP to see a gender specialist at our local hospital.
That’s what led to my second most awkward moment.

As part of my appointment I had to have a complete physical. I mentioned the bruises and tiredness. I didn’t really think anything of it. All teenagers feel sleepy sometimes, right? It’s just part of the pressures of school, and goodness knows I had more pressures than most.
But the consultant was concerned, and wanted blood tests while she considered hormones. She wanted counselling sessions too, while we waited for the results. So we started talking about how I felt, about boys and girls and where I fitted in. And then, in the third session, two weeks after my first appointment, she gave me the results. It was probably leukaemia. They would have to run more tests to be sure, but I needed to make some arrangements to allow for radical treatment.

I had opted to go to the session without my Mum. I was over 16 so it was allowed, with her consent. I thought it might be easier to discuss difficult personal issues without her in the room.
I wasn’t expecting such a difficult issue as that, of course.

Mum cried when I told her. I thought I’d broken her. She was distraught, which upset me more than when I was just thinking of myself. I hated myself for a moment then, how dare I do this to my lovely mum? Then I realised, I had to beat this for her sake. I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t let myself die.

So those were my two difficult moments. Talking to Mark should be a cinch, after that, right?

I was so caught up in my musing that I didn’t notice he had come up behind us.

“R-Rachael?” He asked, hesitantly. He seemed more nervous than I felt.

“Mark” I acknowledged as I turned to face him.

“Alison and I have been talking… I mean Alison told me…”

“She told you I was dying of cancer?” I asked him bluntly as I glared at Alison, she had the good grace to look a little sheepish.

“Yes, she did,” Mark said, clearly trying to put a brave face on it. I had to admire him for that. MOST kids our age would run from talk about cancer.

“Well I’m not dead yet, but who knows how long any of us have got? Let me know what you’re thinking.”

“Can I take you to Disneyland?”

I gape like a landed fish, I can’t process what he has just said. Then it hits me, I must really be dying.

“Paris?” I ask, he nods. I look across to Alison…

“There are some charities that do stuff for CTYA cancer patients, and you’re so girly I thought you should go and hang out with the princesses, at least once…”

“And…?” I glanced across at Mark and back to Alison.

“He volunteered to be your ‘Prince Charming’”.

“Hey, free tickets and a date with a pretty girl,it wasn’t a hard sell” Mark grinned, but I could tell there was a pain behind those dark blue eyes.

“What If I want to go with you, Alison?”

“We can go next time, besides, it may be useful having a strong man to hold you if you feel faint. You know how tired you have been feeling lately…”

It was true, fatigue had become a constant companion in recent weeks…

“Ok, sure, why not? You only live once, right?”

Alison jumped up and clapped her hands together.

“Yay!” She said “and the best bit is, you get VIP tickets to everything, no waiting in line!”

-0-0-

Two weeks later and Mark and I were heading off to the airport with his big sister, Holly, as chaperone.
It was a bizarre two weeks. My mum had no idea Alison had arranged this, so she took some persuading that it was all kosher and above board. She took even more convincing about Mark, even though he couldn’t get me pregnant or anything. Alison came home with me that night to help break the news, she logged onto mum’s home computer and went through the various emails with us to explain what was going to happen. She said she got the idea of Mark because of the way some of the questions about companions were worded, she figured I’d either have to have an adult, who would be bored, or a friend who might be out of their depth. She said Mark was in St. John’s and did taekwondo so he was ideal.The fact that he was cute, helped, she said. She wanted it to be the trip of a lifetime (she sniffled a bit).

Mum said “that cute, eh?” And that’s when she insisted on the chaperone, and meeting him before we went.

So he was invited round to dinner the following night. I think Alison coached him because he turned up with a bunch of flowers. When I opened the door I gawped at them. I asked “are those for me?” With wide eyes. His face fell when he saw my expression. “Sorry, no,these are for your mum. Alison suggested it might help ‘butter her up’. I didn’t realise you’d want flowers.”
“I didn’t realise, either” I said “I’ve just now realised, no one has ever bought me flowers…”
Dinner went really well, Mark “charmed the pants off” my mum, as the saying goes. After he left mum said she was quite jealous of me, I said “all things considered I’d cheerfully swap places with her” and that led to another of those awkward moments between us, that were becoming all too frequent, where we each realised what we’d just said and we looked at each other with that odd mix of emotions - guilt, shame, love and sadness were all in there but it’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been in our situation.
The next day at school, Mark found me and Alison at lunchtime, he asked if he could have a word with me “in private” and looked meaningfully at Alison. She shrugged and wandered off round the corner.
Once Mark had me to himself he grinned awkwardly and said “I realise now that I was so nervous about meeting your Mother that I wasn’t paying enough attention to you. Which is no way to behave if you’re trying out for the part of ‘Prince Charming’. Can I make it up to you? Would you like to see the latest Marvel film tonight?”
“I’d love to, but I better check with my mum first. I can’t imagine she’s quite ready for me to be dating boys yet.”
“Of course, let me put my number in your phone…”
I handed over my phone, after unlocking it and he fiddled for a moment. His phone let out a be-beep sound and he said “there, you have my number and I have yours. I’ll call you when I come to pick you up tonight.”
When I checked my phone to see what he had entered I realised he’d put it under ‘Prince Charming’. I couldn’t hold back a giggle when I saw it. His face lit as he realised I found it amusing.
School dragged for the rest of the afternoon as I thought about what I could wear.
I have a pretty decent wardrobe now. When I first came out to my mum she was keen on getting unisex clothes wherever possible and I didn’t really have much of a girly wardrobe. I couldn’t really blame her for that, I was a teenager and we are notoriously fickle creatures. But that went out the window recently with my diagnosis, mum has been finding excuses to buy me cute things while I can still wear them.

I didn’t tell you what my diagnosis was, did I? I don’t like to dwell on it, and I know it upsets people to talk about it. But some of you are morbidly curious, and others think, somehow, that they may be able to find a cure that the doctors don’t know about. If I eat raw cabbage leaves steeped in tea like their granny who was 92. I try not to be rude to people like that, I know that they are desperate to help, but all I can do is paste on a fake smile and pray for them to go. The people in the local cancer services team are brilliant. Very matter of fact, tell it like it is with a touch of humour (sometimes extraordinarily dark). I have Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia or ALL. It’s been caught quite early, thanks to my checkup over my gender issues, so I have a reasonably good prognosis. Which means 50:50 chance that I’ll be alive in 5 years. But the next year is going to be shit. Sorry to be so blunt. The following years will be either much better or much worse. We can talk about that later, I just wanted to explain why I had choices with my clothes. I didn’t want to upset anyone.

Alison was mock annoyed with me.

Apparently I was ignoring her and mooning over some boy. Hah! I had no sympathy, it was all her own fault for setting this chain of events in motion.
I tried to get her involved by getting her advice on what to wear. We arranged for her to come round after school and have dinner with me and my mum, which was not an unusual occurrence, then she and I would hit my wardrobe until it squeaked.
Alison wanted me done up like some junior street walker, mum came in and vetoed the outfit then suggested something that would have made a nun happy. I finally figured out what I wanted, skirt, blouse, tights, smart cardigan. Classic elegance, and some ankle boots, it was getting colder these days.
Alison watched as I got ready.
“How did you get so good at this?” She blurted out.
“Hmmm?” I murmured as I did my mascara.
“You’re more girly than I am!”
“Yep!” I agreed happily “and, thanks to you, I have a date! He won’t know what hit him!” I chortled as I prepared to do my lipstick. Smacking my lips I turned to Alison and gestured to myself. “Well?” I asked.
Alison sighed “Yes, you look beautiful. Try not to break your new toy.”
Neither of us could hold a straight face and we both burst out laughing together. The tension, that had been building, dissipated.
“I’m seriously bricking it.” I said.
“It’s just a date, no expectations,” Alison tried to reassure me.
“Really?” I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice as I looked for my phone. “Here, this is what he did when he gave me his number.” I showed her the ‘Prince Charming’ entry.
“Oh. Well, he’s just going along with the gag. Shows he has a sense of humour. What about you, getting all dolled up?”
“Like I need an excuse to get dressed up.”
“Ha! Nice try, and it might work on a stranger, but not with me - admit it, you fancy him.”
“Have you seen him? Of course I fancy him. But it’s more than that… this might be my last chance…”
“Don’t say that, don’t you even dare think it. You have to get better. You’re my bff, what would I do without?...” Alison's eyes were moist and her bottom lip was starting to tremble.
“Alison!” I snapped “Snap out of it! If you start crying, I’ll start crying and my makeup will be ruined!”
She snorted, then shook herself. “You’re right, of course,thank heavens one of us has the right priorities!”
I rolled my eyes at her.

Just then the doorbell rang. I ran to the window to check, Mark’s dad was parked outside, I guessed it was Mark at the door. Mum opened the door and I heard Mark’s voice, but I couldn’t make out the words. I grabbed my handbag and headed downstairs.
“Rachael!” Alison hissed at me in a low voice.
“What?" I whispered back, annoyed that she was delaying me going to see Mark.
“Walk, don’t run. Don’t let him know how desperate, sorry, I mean keen, you really are!”

I replied in a classy and dignified manner, by sticking my tongue out at her, then proceeded downstairs in a slightly less ‘keen’ manner.
Mark was at the door, with my mum, holding a bunch of red roses. He held them out to me as I walked down the stairs. “For you, Rachael” he said simply.
It was the first time anyone had ever bought me flowers, and they were beautiful. I felt so girly at that moment. “Ohh, thank you, they’re sooo beautiful” as I took them and sniffed them. Mum, took them from me as she handed me my coat and ushered me out the door. “Come on,” she said, “you mustn’t keep Mr Jones waiting out there.” And then to Mark she said “you are alright to bring her back? No dawdling, straight home, it is a school night for both of you.”
“Yes Mrs Thomas, I’ll take good care of her, don’t worry.” Mark said.

On one level it made me gooey inside that he was being all manly and protective of me. On the other hand, who did the little twerp think he was! Maybe I would be protecting him!
I said “Hi” to Mark’s dad and he whisked off to the cinema.
He dropped us right by the cinema and said “You’ll call me?” To Mark and got a nod in reply. Then he was gone, and we were alone. Well, apart from the 50 or so cinema-goers around us. Mark got the tickets so I got drinks and popcorn. Mark wanted to pay me back for them but I just said “let me get them, please?” With my big blue eyes fixed on him and he gave in. Score one for mascara and other womanly wiles!

The film was ok. I was a little distracted because Mark was sat next to me. The cinema had these new reclining seats, with two seats to a pod, what they might call ‘lovers’ seats’.
Which meant, in the dark, we kept bumping into each other as we reached for the popcorn. Mark’s hand crept over to my side of the seat about halfway through the film and I must admit I was leant against him by the end of the film.
We waited for the last bit at the end of the credits, like you have to now with all Marvel films. As the lights started to fade up and we started gathering our things Mark’s hand brushed against my thigh accidentally. I had a sudden startling moment of terror, what if he brushed against my thing? We’d had such a lovely time. What if he suddenly realised what was under the skirt and he hated me? I couldn’t bear that.
I got my breathing back under control and struggled to keep my face passive as Mark offered a hand to help me to my feet. I kept telling myself not to be silly, he knows all about me.
But in the back of my mind a little voice cried out that it wasn’t fair that I would always have my unwanted ‘manhood’ hanging over me, why couldn’t I have been born a girl like all those other lucky b___s?

Mark’s dad arrived so quickly he must have been parked across the street at the drive through Costa’s. He whisked me home and Mark walked me to my door. I gave him a peck on the cheek as I slipped inside the door.
I found my mum waiting for me in the gloom with an expectant grin on her face.
She led me to the kitchen and made me hot chocolate as she grilled me over every aspect of the date.
Once I’d finished my drink I made my way tiredly up to bed to take off all my makeup and lovely clothes.

-=-=-
The next day at school I was dressed in my most androgynous way. I looked nothing like the night before. Alison was nagging me for details in our form room that morning. But, beyond the broad outline of our date, I didn’t spill anything.

Mark came and sat with us at lunchtime. He sat very close to me and gave my knee a squeeze through my trousers when he thought no one was looking. I looked quickly round and blew him a kiss (it didn’t have to travel very far) no one else noticed but Alison.
“Sheesh, get a room, you two!” she hissed, quietly enough that no one else heard.
“She’s just jealous.” I said as I smiled at Mark. Even though I didn’t have any makeup on today he seemed quite taken with staring in my eyes.
Mark told me that his mother had insisted that I come round for dinner on Sunday and his sister would be chaperoning us to France. We’d each have separate rooms in the hotel, we would be leaving on Monday (the first day of the holidays), staying overnight in the hotel then 2 days at the park (staying in the hotel each night) and coming home on the Thursday, so three nights in the hotel in all. Back home in time for Christmas.

-=-=-

I'd met Holly and Mark's Mum (she told me "Call me Cathy", but she was always "Mark's Mum" in my head) when we had Sunday dinner the weekend after Mark and Alison told me we were going. Holly seemed a little 'off' with me at first. I'm not sure why, whether it was the trans thing or just a stranger sniffing around her little brother. Whatever the reason was, she loosened up during the course of the meal and by the time I was due to leave she offered to drive me home and she had shared her mobile number with me with a view to helping me pack. Mark insisted on coming too and walking me to my door, but Holly insisted that I should sit in the front seat with her. She joked about her chaperone practice, but I think she just didn't want to stop talking.

Mark took it with good humour, he clearly looked up to his big sister and he was delighted that we were getting on so well.

Holly rang me that evening and arranged to come round on Monday evening. I wanted to make it later in the week but Holly insisted that procrastination was a thief and we should get stuff done and out of the way.

She came round after school and went through my wardrobe. She had me try on a few outfits and went through my meagre stash of makeup. She decided that a kind of gothic Lolita cos-play look would suit me. I just gaped at her. I'd only been 'out' as a girl full time for a few weeks and now she was talking corsets and black lace. Holly was a force of nature and I probably would have gone along with anything she suggested, after all, she was doing me a massive favour at short notice, accompanying me and Mark.
I think she realised how apprehensive I was, though. She borrowed my laptop and showed me some exquisite pictures of very sweet girls modelling princess dresses that were dark and edgy enough to be cool and worn in public by a teenager, but still as utterly feminine as a six year old in a Cinderella costume.

She arranged to come round on Saturday and help me get some things.

The rest of the week was a blur. All Alison and Mark talked about was the trip. I think that they were trying to keep me from thinking about the leukaemia.

It was kind of a relief to wake on Saturday and realise that Holly was coming. I knew that she was focused on the trip too, but somehow it didn't feel strained with her, just a genuine excitement about her getting to dress me up like a lifesize doll.

I was blown away when she turned up and she'd already done a load of shopping for me. Tights, dresses, underwear. All in dark colours and rich fabrics; velvet, lace and richly textured jacquard woven fabric. She dragged to my bedroom and dressed me like a child, with no thought for my modesty. She just brusquely said "Oh come on! it's not like you have anything I haven't seen! And it's not like we're sexually compatible, or anything. You're my brother's girlfriend, FFS!"
Like I said, 'a force of nature'. It's probably just as well, I had no idea how to put some of the items on.
But Holly really knew what she was doing. In a few moments I had warm velvety tights on over my undies, a slip and a gorgeous dress. A short jacket and boots that were warm and comfortable without too high a heel.
Holly quickly did my hair in a braid and a little makeup. She pulled a black wool coat from another bag and helped me into it. "Leave it unbuttoned, for the best effect" she told me. Then she handed me a purse with a cross body strap and dragged me out of the house.
She didn't give me time to check out how I looked, but I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror by the front door and I couldn't believe my eyes. I looked like teen royalty, very cool and very cute.
I didn't realise the brilliance of how Holly had dressed me until we got into town. I was comfortable and warm. Despite being in a dress, the thick tights were as warm as a pair of jeans. The coat wasn't bulky enough to get in the way, especially when it was left unbuttoned. The boots were so comfortable. The only issue was when the wind caught us everything flapped a bit. But I could always button the coat if it got windy.

I had a brilliant time with Holly and we were giggling and mucking about so much that I didn’t notice all the boys staring at us like hungry wolves and tripping over their tongues, until she pointed them out. We giggled even harder then, not one of them had the balls to approach us, thank goodness! I was having too much fun and I didn’t want to have to deal with their particular brand of BS.
Most of what I bought was very cheap; toiletries, underwear and other essentials.
Holly took me into some charity shops and we tried some dressing up. She had an unerring knack for finding things that were nearly new or obviously unworn, often with the original store’s labels still on them, but selling for pennies instead of pounds.
I had no intention of buying any of the things that we were playing around with, but Holly convinced me I needed a new coat, some more boots and various other items.
I didn’t realise at the time, but she added some things herself when I wasn’t looking.
When we finally made it back home I was exhausted, and I didn’t really take in how big the pile of bags were before Holly left.
-+-+-
When I woke the next morning and went through the pile, it struck me that there were more things to wear, more combinations and outfits than I could wear in my lifetime, short as it may be.
Mentally kicking myself, I got some breakfast and explained to my Mum that I might need a bigger wardrobe. She laughed at my problems.
-+-+-
I spent the rest of the morning trying to sort out outfits and put items away. Holly gave me a call around lunch time and invited herself over.

She sent me to my room to wait for her, once she had arrived, which I thought was a bit presumptuous. She had a quick word with my Mum and they went upstairs to Mum’s room together, giggling like schoolgirls, I couldn’t make out what they were saying. A few minutes later Holly turned up with a big suitcase.

I gaped at her like a landed fish.

“Where did you get that from?” I asked.

“It’s your Mum’s” Holly said “Now, how are we going to fill it?”
The rest of the afternoon we packed and tried on outfits. By the time Holly left I had a suitcase and a cabin bag packed with everything I needed. Holly assured me that I didn’t need to touch them before we left, everything that I needed was there, including toiletries, most of which she had supplied. She had also helped me decorate the bags with dusky pink ribbons edged with black lace so that they would be instantly recognisable in the luggage claim area.

It felt like an anti-climax after she had gone and the next few days were a mixture of eager anticipation and a kind of limbo of boredom. It felt like those few days after school broke up in December before Christmas Eve started the holidays properly.

When the Friday that we were travelling finally arrived it was a blessed release of tension. I woke early with butterflies in my stomach. Holly had told me to eat a light breakfast but not to get dressed, just showered, and to wait for her.

She rang my doorbell at 9am and Mum let her in. She had a huge grin on her face and a small suitcase. She gave me a hug and ushered me up to my room. She sat me down and did my makeup then handed me an outfit to get dressed into…

“Black jeans, purple sweater and your jacket - nothing too girly, I don’t know what French passport control are going to do when they see you travelling on a boy’s passport, but your mother has given me a copy of the letter from your consultant” Holly said.

“I hadn’t even thought of that… This is the first time for me travelling dressed as my true self” I said.

“But you have flown before, right?” Holly asked.

“Oh, sure,” I said “but not for a while. I hadn’t really thought about airport security and stuff… You don’t think that they’ll try and, I don’t know, strip search me out of idle curiosity or anything, do you?”

“I… hadn’t thought of that” Holly said, as her eyes went wide “Shit! Look, I’m guessing, with you being underage, they will be frightened to death of causing a scene so they will leave you well alone. I will insist, if you do get searched, that you are treated as a woman and searched by a female officer… but I’m sure it won’t come to that. There are trans people everywhere you look these days, and you don’t hear about them having issues like that all the time.”

“‘Trans people everywhere you look?’” I repeated in disbelief “as if! I have not, knowingly, ever met another trans person, to talk to. I looked up the numbers on Google. ‘Out’ trans people make up less than one percent of the population, maybe 0.5 of a percent? What’s that, five in every thousand? It’s no wonder I don’t know of another trans girl in our school. Non-binary sex, men with breasts and women with testicles and stuff like that runs at up to 2 percent as far as I can find out. Still, at least I’m pretty, I guess. Older women who transitioned later in life must find the stares and curiosity deeply irritating.”

“Not to mention the outright hostility from some people” Holly agreed.

When Holly had finished with me I looked like a typical, slightly androgynous, teenage girl. She checked my handbag to make sure I had my passport and purse and everything and then we said goodbye to my Mum, loaded up the car, and went to pick up Mark.

He was so excited and so nervous when we got to their house that it made me excited too. His grin when he saw me was infectious and he hugged me as soon as I got close enough.

“No snogging!” Holly shouted “I don’t have time to re-do Rachael’s makeup!”

Mark grinned and kissed me softly on the lips, then he went to help Holly load the last few bags into the car. Unfortunately, because there were three of us and Holly’s car was not that big, some of the bags had to go on the back seat which meant that I sat behind Mark on the back seat while he sat next to Holly in the front passenger seat.

We waved goodbye to their mother and we were off.

It only took about an hour to get to the airport. Holly dropped us off in the short stay car park and Mark and I started trying to wheel the various bags and suitcases towards the terminal. Mark took his two bags and Holly’s two bags and I just dragged my bags. They were all on wheels, so it wasn’t like I had to carry them, but it was quite awkward because the car park surface had a lot of gravel and holes. Mark spotted a trolley that someone had abandoned near the ticket machine which he grabbed and stacked the bags on. He managed to get 3 large bags and one small one on, which left me just dragging two small ones. We went up the ramp, across the road at the zebra crossing towards the right hand side of the terminal building. The sign over the rotating doors said ‘Arrivals’.

“It’s down that way” Mark said, pointing to the other end of the terminal. This close to the terminal the pavement was flat and easy to pull or push the bags on. It only took us a minute or so to walk to the other end of the terminal and we went in through the large rotating door.
Mark pointed up at the departures board.
“That’s us, direct flight to Paris… we’re early, we have a couple of hours.” he said “Shall we go and find the EasyJet check in?”

“Let’s wait for Holly” I said “I don’t want us to get separated and we said we’d wait for her here.”

We waited, both of us watching the door. I was giddy with nervous energy. Mark was trying to play it cool, but it was clear he was excited too.

It didn’t take long for Holly to catch up to us. She looked just a little frazzled as she came through the door but her face lit up as she saw us. She looked up at the departures board, scanned down the list, nodded to herself and then came over to meet us.
“Let’s go find the check in” Mark said as Holly reached us.
“Sure” she said “I think it’s over there…”
Holly gestured and we set off in the direction she indicated. Sure enough, there were a row of desks with the Orange logo over them. There weren’t many people there and we went and queued in a short queue. Mark unloaded the bags from the trolley while we were queuing and Holly went up to the desk first, she handed over her papers and put her suitcase on the scales by the desk. Holly was asked a few questions, her bag was whisked away and she was handed her boarding pass. Then it was my turn, Mark put my suitcase on the scales. I stumbled through the questions. When I was asked if I’d packed my bag myself I looked to Holy and said “well, Holly did most of the packing…”
“She means ‘Yes’” Holly quickly interjected.
I was handed my boarding pass and it was Mark’s turn.

Mark pushed the empty trolley into a line of trolleys near the desk and Holly ushered us towards a nearby coffee shop.

As soon as we were out of earshot of the desk I whispered to Holly;
“I wasn’t expecting that to be so easy” I said.

“Why not?” she asked, clearly a little surprised.

I showed her my passport.

“Timothy?” she asked.

“I haven’t had time to change any of my paperwork” I explained. My face was turning red and I felt anxious and uncomfortable.
“I only came out to my mother as trans a couple of months ago and I’ve only been presenting full time for a few weeks. The whole reason my cancer was found was because of my medical checks when my mother asked for a referral for my gender dysphoria…” I said.

“Well” Holly said “I guess they’ve seen all kinds through here, I doubt if you are the strangest.”

Mark heard our exchange, he’s known me for years as Alison’s odd friend, so he knows all about me. I was surprised he hadn’t filled Holly in on the details.

We made our way up the escalator to the departure area. There were a few shops there selling snacks and duty free, but the flight was so short that there didn’t seem much point. We would be spending more time waiting to board than actually flying.

Queuing to board the plane and finding our seats was a pain. Holly got me to put my handbag into my small case before our boarding passes were checked. Mark lifted my bag into the overhead locker. He didn’t help Holly, which I thought was mean.

Mark sat next to me on the plane. I gripped his arm as we took off. I wasn’t really scared, but I was anxious. I’ve not flown in a long time and I’d forgotten how cramped and uncomfortable it is.

When we landed in France people were standing up and getting their bags down before we came to a full stop at the gate. Mark pushed his way into the gangway, made a space for me and ushered me out in front of him. He handed me my bag and followed behind me. He put his free hand on the small of my back to reassure me that he was right behind me. I noticed Holly came out just behind Mark with a quiet, ‘thank you’ to the person behind her.

Charles De Gaul airport seemed a bit bigger and dirtier than Bristol. We made our way toward the baggage retrieval area. It took a while for the first bags to arrive, even though it was a long way to walk. I had wondered if the bags would get there before us. There was another flight picking up their bags from a carousel next to us, but they were nearly finished by the time we got there. We were not the fastest people from our flight. Some had vanished into the distance without getting any further luggage. Some were hanging around near the rubber curtain thing at the beginning of the carousel. Most were milling around in groups of two or three. The area began to get busy a few minutes after we arrived and I was happy to hold Mark's warm hand to reassure me that I wasn’t going to get lost in the crowd.

The carousel started moving and there was a little buzz of excitement in the conversations around us as people craned their necks to see if their bags were there.

Holly and I stayed together while Mark made his way through the crowd to retrieve our cases. Once we had all our cases together, Mark found a trolley and stacked the large bags on it and we went through passport control. I went through first, with Holly watching closely from behind us. The French passport control officer looked disdainfully at me as he waved me through. I thought it was something to do with my gender, but, as I watched from beyond the line and he reviewed Holly’s passport I realised that this was the normal look he gave to everyone.

Holly, moved us towards the taxi ranks to catch a coach to Disneyland.

“We’re looking for the ‘Magical Shuttle’” Holly said.

There was a group of people gathering outside the airport. There were a lot of families with young children. After about forty minutes a red coach with a yellow castle on it and the words 'Magical Shuttle’ appeared round the corner. Mark pointed it out as he squeezed my hand. All the children started to point and smile.

The coach didn’t go very fast so it took nearly an hour to get to our hotel. It had a number of stops when we got near Disneyland. Fortunately, ours was only the second hotel it stopped at. There were a few other groups that got off at the same hotel as us. It took a while for our bags to be fished out from the luggage area underneath the coach. I never did figure out what method they used to figure out which cases went to which hotel.

It was getting dark by the time we arrived. Holly got us all checked in and we were shown to our rooms. I was exhausted but Holly insisted on cleaning up and dressing up for dinner. She booked a table for 7:30 and then organised Mark and me to get washed and changed. She put out an outfit for me that included a midnight blue dress I didn’t even realise I had. She showered in her room while I showered in mine but she came back to my room just after I’d got the dress on and sat me down at the dressing table to do my makeup.
Mark knocked on my door at about 7:15, just about the time Holly announced that I was ready. She sent us on ahead and said that she would meet us down there. I took Mark’s arm and he led me to the lifts down to the restaurant.
I felt like a movie-star when Mark told the Maitre’D that we had a table booked for 7:30 and he had a waiter show us to our chairs.
Holly arrived soon after we were seated and she hurried to join us. She was dressed a little more casually than me with a skirt and blouse. The majority of the other diners were a lot more casual, some families with small children were there, although most of those seemed to be ending their dining experience.
Mark and I looked a little out of place, as we were dressed more smartly. At first, I felt a little anxious about that, I never really liked drawing attention to myself. Holly started the conversation going and Mark joined in and got me opening up about some of the crazy things that Alison and I had got up to over the years. Pretty soon I was paying no attention to how anyone was dressed and I was just enjoying a meal with good friends and lively conversation. The waiter asked if we wanted wine with our meal but Holly insisted that we should just have Schloer. I would never dream of having sparkling grape juice with a meal normally, but it looked so elegant, drinking it out of wine glasses.
I noticed some of the younger waiters and other men were trying to look at me without appearing too obvious, which made me smile. I also noticed that some of the older men were looking at me as well, which made me uncomfortable. One older guy made very little attempt to hide that he was looking over at me. His younger, prettier girlfriend looked round to see what he was looking at and gave me a filthy look before she turned back to him.
I didn’t really care, I was quite happy just chatting with Mark. I know he was just looking after me as a favour for Alison, he has been pining after her for so long now it’s not funny any more. But he was so lovely, and charming, that I couldn't help daydreaming about how it would feel to be his girlfriend for real.

Holly skipped dessert and headed back to her room early, she told us not to worry about the bill as it was all charged to the rooms and not to be too late back.

We finished dessert, Mark finished mine for me, but he did let me try a bite of his. Then Mark led me back to our rooms. I noticed in the mirrors in the corridors that my lipstick had gone while I was eating. I don’t know if that was why Mark took his opportunity at the door and kissed me goodnight, softly, on the lips. My eyes closed and I leaned into him. He had his hands either side of my face. He let go of me with a murmured ‘goodnight’ and left me there with a dazed look on my face.

I let myself into my room with an idiotic grin on my face and I saw that Holly had left a note next to some wipes on the vanity. It said ‘DO NOT forget to clean off your makeup!’

I took off my dress and hung it in the wardrobe. I threw on a robe over my underwear and sat down with a sigh to clean my face.
As I looked in the mirror I saw I was still wearing a soppy grin. I closed my eyes and relived the moment when Mark kissed me.

When I was done I cleaned my teeth and hung up the robe in the bathroom. I went back into the room to find pyjamas or something, but I noticed that Holly had left something on the bed. It turned out to be a midnight blue night dress. I quickly changed and got into bed. I thought that my mind was such a whirl that I would never get to sleep but I was asleep before I knew it.

-0-0-

The phone rang, jolting me from my dreams. I was unsure where I was or what was going on. I instinctively reached toward the sound of ringing, knocking the handset from the phone. I could hear Holly’s voice, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I reached for the handset and held it to my ear.

“Hello?” I mumbled.

“Rachael? Are you awake?” Holly asked “Well, obviously, you are awake now. Get up, shower and give me a call".

I grunted my assent and stumbled to the bathroom. Standing under the hot water brought me back to some semblance of humanity. I got out of the bathroom in a towelling robe as Holly knocked on the door. I checked through the peephole in the door that it was her, and she was alone, before I let her in.

Holly was depressingly bright and perky this morning. Apparently she had already had breakfast and she was going to sort out an outfit for me. She got me in t-shirt and jeans and sent me off to breakfast with Mark. Both of us were a little subdued after the travelling and the early start. I had a light breakfast, some toast and fruit juice. Mark managed to pack away a croissant and some hot chocolate. He walked me back to my room, gave me a peck on the cheek, and left me to get changed with Holly.

Holly gave me a hug when I came into the room, she pointed out the outfit she’d put together. She turned her back and let me get changed. When I was done she did my makeup and helped me get my accessories and handbag sorted so that we were ready to go. She rang Mark’s room and told him to wait for us downstairs and she ushered me out of the room.

Mark gaped and went non-verbal when we arrived. I didn’t think I was that pretty, but Holly had certainly made the most of what I barely had. My makeup was perfect, dark lashes stood out against my pale skin and my lips were just a little too dark for someone my age, my blonde hair and pale skin also contrasted with my tights and dress, which was topped off with a leather jacket that looked like it had a biker jacket and a corset in its family tree. The tights were a cheat, they were thermal lined but looked like barely there 10 denier stockings.

We didn't have long to wait for the shuttle. Mark held my hand and kept looking at me like he couldn't believe his luck.

He helped me climb on to the bus, like a gentleman.

It didn't take long until we were at the park. I could feel my excitement building. I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I thought that we would have to queue for a long time but it wasn't bad and Holly steered us to a VIP gate, because of the tickets Alison had arranged. Mark had said that the only thing he didn't want to miss out on was the Pirates of the Carribbean, so we agreed to do that first. We walked through the gates and down Mainstreet USA, pointing out the various jokes and fun things as we went. There were excited children with wide eyes everywhere and I felt their energy lift my spirits. I hadn't realised how dark my mood had been getting until I saw one little girl dressed as a princess see a character actor go by and her eyes went wide and she tugged her mother's arm and pointed. I squeezed Mark's hand and pointed out that character.
"You Goof!" he said, affectionately.
The Pirates of the Caribbean ride was a kind of roller coaster boat ride in the dark with jump scares. It was very atmospheric and I must admit I jumped and squealed and grabbed Marks arm a couple of times. There was a booth at the end of the ride where you could get photos of yourself and Mark had to get the picture as it showed me with eyes like saucers holding his arm as he had a Cheshire Cat grin.
We went to the Peter Pan Flight then on the way to FantasyLand. After that, I felt a bit winded and Mark suggested that we stopped for a bite to eat. He had a burger, I ordered one as well but Mark finished most of mine as I wasn’t really hungry. We spent most of the afternoon wandering around FantasyLand. I really enjoyed the maze and Alice turned up and started joking around with the Mad Hatter. I couldn’t help laughing at her antics. She was very attentive to all the little children, hamming it up for all she was worth. When she ran off at the end of her little bit, she ran straight past Mark and I. She put her hand on my arm and said “Oh! I love your outfit!”
I laughed and called out “...and I love yours!” as she ran off. ‘Alice’ stopped and turned back to me and said “I’m not a princess, but you clearly are!” she dropped a quick curtsy “your Highness. You should go to the castle!” and she pointed to Sleeping Beauty’s castle and ran off.

We made it to the castle just as it was getting a little hazy outside, not sunset, but the sun was low in the sky. I loved wondering around and looking at the stained glass windows and wondering what it would be like to be a fairy-tale princess. We bumped into ‘Sleeping Beauty’ and I showed her Mark’s entry on my phone, which made her giggle.
Mark was getting a bit bored hanging around a castle with me and he saw the first of the float’s in the evening procession go by and he hurried us out to watch. All our favourite Disney characters were there and I made a complete show of myself waving and shouting and behaving like a big kid, but a lot of the characters waved back to me, I think they appreciated someone being so enthusiastic about their performance.

As the last of the floats went by the fireworks started at the other side of the castle, huge showers of sparks filled the night sky, it was like magic. I hugged Mark and looked up in wonder at the beauty of it all. I noticed Mark look at my face with an oddly satisfied smirk as he held me close. Holly had wondered off hours before and left us to our own devices, so we made our way back to the shuttle and back to the hotel. I felt utterly exhausted. Tired, but happy. I would get back to the hotel, have a lovely meal with Mark, sleep, and then tomorrow… My eyelids were so heavy that I couldn’t complete the thought.

Mark woke me when the shuttle pulled up outside the hotel. We thanked the driver as we got off and he smiled at us.
We walked up the steps to the hotel, I was oddly out of puff. Mark opened the door for me and as I stepped through the world span and went dark, the last thing I remembered were Mark’s strong arms holding me close…

-+-+-

I don’t really remember much until I woke up in a bed with medical monitors around and a nurse there. There are flashes where I guess I must have been semi-conscious, apparently I stood on my own for the few seconds for passport control to let me on the plane, Mark carried me in his arms from time to time. Apparently they called an ambulance for me from the airport.

“W-what?...” I said.

“Ah! You’re awake! Good.” the nurse said.

“Wh-where?” I asked.

“Where’s your boyfriend? Probably getting coffee, he’s been hanging around and making a nuisance of himself” the nurse said.

I smiled at the thought of Mark coming to my rescue.

I looked at the tube going into my arm, and followed it up to the bag hanging next to me.

“What’s in the bag?” I asked.

“Oh, that’s your chemo… it’s going to make you feel pretty shit for a while, but it is your best hope as a long term treatment.” the nurse said.

“Not a cure then?” I asked.

“You’ll find we don’t like to talk in absolutes here. We don’t give false hope and we don’t take real hope away. If we knew everything then no one would ever get sick, eh?” she said.

I couldn’t really argue with that, and my eyelids were so heavy, I fell asleep again.

-+-+-

The doctor came to see me later that day. He explained that I would be in hospital for the remainder of 10 doses of chemo and that, if I responded well, I would be allowed to go home to let my body recover before they decided on my next round of treatment.

“We caught it early enough that the prognosis is good.” he said with a small smile “But I don’t understand what you were doing in France, of all places, when you had been diagnosed and you could be called for treatment at any time? Still, it worked out ok for you in the end, you came in as an emergency and got your treatment a little earlier, by a few days. You seem to be responding well. You should be prepared for a number of rounds of chemo and long term monitoring. I doubt whether we will need stem cell therapy, but that’s an option if required… I can see that you are still sleepy, we can talk again tomorrow”.

He smiled and walked away. I didn’t have the energy to ask him any questions.

-+-+-

“Oh! Rachael, I’m so sorry!” a familiar voice said, waking me up.

Alison was there, holding my hand, with tears in her eyes.

“Alison?” I said, still fuzzy from just waking up “The doctor wondered what I was doing in France…”

“I know, I know - it’s all my fault… there was no charity. It was me, I convinced Mum to buy the ticket and Mark and his family were in on it too. I just wanted you to have one great memory as a girl before they started treatment!” Alison blurted out with tears in her eyes.

“How the hell did you afford all that?” I asked, baffled.

“Mum’s Dad died a few months back and she inherited some money that’s been sat in the bank ever since, I convinced her I would do anything to get you to DisneyLand. Even if it meant I didn’t go. I think that’s what convinced her I was serious.” Alison said “I wanted it to be a gift, I just wanted you to have one last chance to be happy before you had to start your treatments”..

“And Mark was in on this?” I asked.

“Yes, I asked him to look after you” Alison said.

“I know, I was only borrowing him from you.” I said “But… I thought he really liked me!”

“I think you broke him” Alison said with a rueful smile “I saw he was asleep in the waiting room. The nurse told me that he has been pestering them for an update every five minutes. Shall I wake him?”

“No need,” said a voice behind her that was hoarse with emotion, “I’m here already”.

Mark reached around me to give me a self-conscious gentle hug sort of thing. I clutched onto his arm with all my strength.

“Oh! Mark!” I said “I’m sooo sorry, what I must have put you and Holly through!”

“It’s fine, as long as you are ok now, it’s fine” Mark said “It was the job I signed up for, to see you home, safe and sound. Holly was amazing, I wanted to call the ambulance, but she knew that you would rather be here…You, are going to be ok, aren’t you?”

Mark looked exhausted and he looked like he was close to tears.

“Oh Mark!” I said, so many emotions were washing through me “Thank you, for everything, I…” I stopped, I wanted to tell him that I loved him, and I was grateful, and scared, and happy, and… so many emotions jumbled up together, it was too much, I just burst into tears.

Mark looked scared and worried. He looked around for a nurse and caught Alison’s eye.

“You dufus!” she said “She’s just happy to see you!”

I smiled up at him through my tears.

“Your smile is the greatest Christmas gift I could imagine” he said, lifting my chin and bending down to kiss me.

Then he took out a plastic tiara and put it on my head.

“And, when you are better I can take you, my ‘Sleeping Beauty’, back and visit the other princesses again!” he said.