Note to readers, don't read if you don't like poor grammar, this is rough.
This is a work of adult fiction. No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected.
Copyright… are you kidding?

Edited by Amanda Lynn.

A bunch of kids from summer camp had an out day. That’s two busses full of kids and some ten counselors. It was as simple as two miles hiking. The path went along the Appalachian Trail. They started at Katahdin stream campground and went to Katahdin stream waterfalls. Later they came back to the campground were coaches were parked. That’s really nothing fancy. The trail those two miles to the waterfalls isn’t steep. The real climb to Mount Katahdin starts at waterfalls. Many schools and camps were bringing their kids here all over the summer.

This time the girl was lost. Counselors didn’t know when and where they had lost the kid. They found it out after they counted their campers while boarding the busses. One kid was missing. That was Lucy Evert a 14-year-old graduate of Lewiston Middle School.

Forest rangers got the news at 3 PM not too much time till dusk. The day was August 16th and the nights in the mountains were already chilly. Add to this the forecast of drizzle for the upcoming ten days. There was no mobile phone coverage some twenty miles behind Millinocket. The kid’s phone was useless.

She could be lost somewhere in the narrow strip between the trail and the stream. It could be that she wasn’t careful near the stream and fell into the water. Or the girl could go South-East from the trail. That was miles and miles of Great North Woods without roads. An inexperienced person could go astray and wander there for days and months. If only they survived.

All rangers from Sherman were directed to Katahdin stream campground for the Lucy Evert rescue operation. I was assigned the edge of old clear-cut two miles to the East from the campground. There was a service road alongside the clear-cut edge and territory was within sight. Another ranger, Kevin, was at the far North-East edge of the clear-cut. He was monitoring the same territory from another angle.

Usually, when I was not alone I was paired with Kevin. Years ago I wanted to work and to live in solitude. So I became a forest ranger and came to Sherman. I wanted it to be as far away from my parents’ home in Chicago as possible. Not that my parents were bad people, I was different. I knew it from the age I got to know the difference between the boys and girls. I knew I wasn’t the boy. Everyone around me knew I was. My parents with doc’s help did everything to straighten me. Already in Middle School, I was almost six feet. I tried to end my misery but failed. Maybe I wasn’t as desperate still.

I was in the Maine Forest now. Sometimes I was alone like today but mostly paired with Kevin. He was the sort of a man I wanted to escape while moving here. Kevin wasn’t bad. He’s just misogynist. I was sentenced to listen to his jokes about dumb blondes and busty nurses. Non-stop.

It was 6 PM and I knew dusk was nearing faster than I wanted it especially because it was overcast. There was no way for us to see the kid after the sunset.

I was getting nervous. I repositioned my Silverado to keep the service road free and not in the bushes to have some clearing at my door. I used that clearing now exiting the car to take a leak. I was back and was about to climb in the car again. It's when I noticed something very unusual mirrored in Silverado’s side windows. There was the bush and in the bush, there was a door. It seemed like an old plank door of a pigsty or hut. I turned around to investigate it and there was no door. I turned back to face the car and there was the door mirrored in the glass. I turned, again and again, there was no door but it was here when I was looking at the car side window.

I tried another approach. I was still facing a car side window and slinked backward nearer the door. When I was close enough I tried it with my hands and it was real, hard and coarse as it was old planks. Keeping my hand on it I turned as fast as I managed to do it and there was no door and my hand wasn’t touching anything.

I tried again. There was an old rusty handle. Still facing the car I tried the handle and it turned and the door cracked open away from me. I couldn’t see anything behind the door crack. I opened the door and still keeping the handle in my hand I stepped back in something that was behind the door.

I was still in the same place but the car was gone. As there was no car with side windows mirroring there was no door anymore.

The first thing I felt was cold. It was a painful cold from inside as if emanating from the middle of my bones.

I looked around and everything seemed the same as it was before. But it wasn’t. My car was gone as well as Kevin’s car. There was a radio in the car. Good, I had a satellite phone, so I reached to my jacket pocket for it and here I found I wasn’t I and I had no sat phone. I looked down at myself and most probably I was a girl or woman. Because there were some shorts that looked like a skirt. On top, I had a tee and straps of a backpack. The backpack was a miniature one. There I found a half-pint bottle of Poland water. Her Smartphone was turned on in power saving mode but no signal. There were tissues, another unopened pack of tissues, tampons, and a wallet. In the wallet, there was some cash and Lewiston city library reader’s card.

According to the library card, my name was Lucy R. Evert. I was the missing girl. Well… If I was missing why there were no rangers here? Rangers could give me a ride.

I checked the Smartphone again and no there was no signal. The time was 5:37 PM and the date was… August 20. Oh shit! It was four days after I stepped through that mysterious door. No wonder there were no rangers. They probably assumed the girl was dead.

It was SO COLD… Maybe I was dead? Maybe it was cold because I was dead?

I had to start moving. I had to go to the campground. It wasn’t such a big problem for the old me. I knew this forest and I didn’t need a compass to navigate in it. The problem was I barely moved and I was cold.

Almost at the same instant I started moving to the West I heard the truck coming and moments later I saw it emerging. There was a ranger behind the wheel. Thank God, not Kevin, I thought to myself. It was Josh from Baxter Park. He noticed me and immediately hit the brakes. The truck stopped and Josh jumped out and ran to me.

“Lucy? Lucy Evert?” he inquired excitedly. I nodded. I wasn’t. The name was on the card. Here at this very moment, it dawned on me that I didn’t need to fight for myself. There was the ranger, he will help. I relaxed and I… I fainted.

I woke up in the bed under the tiny blanked. It was still cold. On both sides of the bed, there were teal-colored hospital curtains here. I heard muffled voices.

“… brain signals are normal but we can’t check the brain functions when she’s unconscious. She was in cold for so long that her brain and other vital organs were all supercooled. Her temperature is still in the eighties. Brain and heart may be affected by so low temperatures.”

“Affected how?”

“We don’t know. I’m sorry but…”

“You’ve said signals are normal then…”

“Signals don’t show memory. She may be like a newborn or…”

It was so cold I tried to tuck myself in the blanket. I probably made some sounds. The curtain was torn to the side and there was a doctor in scrubs the same teal color as the curtain and a woman. I could say there was a resemblance between Lucy’s photo on the library card and this woman.

“Lucy! Oh my! Lucy…” The woman started. “Do you hear me? Lucy! Answer me, please! Oh God… Lucy, please…”

“I…” it was the first time I tried to talk in this body. I sounded like a stranger to myself. Add to this that terrible cold and pain everywhere. “I’m cold…”

“Lucy! Oh God, Lucy, talk to me, please…”

As an adult, I could understand Lucy's mom’s agitation. But how had I to act? I was in Lucy’s place now but I didn’t know anything about her. I recognized Lucy’s mom because of resemblance. What will I do next? I looked pleadingly at the doctor. He was perceptive enough to understand that with mom here we’ll get into an impasse. Another doctor and the nurse showed mom to another room.

“How do you feel?” Doc asked.

“I’m cold.” I had said it already, didn’t he understand? He switched something at the head of the bed.

“You’ll get warmer shortly,” he said. “Do you know who you are?”

“Lucy Evert.”

“Very well. What day is today?”

“Twenty-something of August.”

“Where you are?”

“In the hospital I guess.”

“What town?”

“I don’t know.”

“What school do you attend?”

“I don’t know.”

And so it went on and on “I don’t know,” to any his question. He proved I wasn’t a veggie but not so far from it. Then something he had turned on started heating. I was warmer but my body’s reaction was shaking. I couldn’t speak anymore while my teeth were rattling. Then I was getting a little warmer at last and I was so sleepy I couldn’t concentrate on what was going around me. I was sound asleep shortly.

I was in pain but I wasn’t cold anymore. I cracked my eyes open and there I was in the hospital bed and the woman Lucy’s mom was sitting in a chair at my side. She looked at me and smiled.

“Feeling better sweetie?”

“It’s not cold anymore,” I said. I didn’t say about pain. I didn’t want her to worry too much. Doc or nurse will come so I’ll tell them.

“Doctor said not to torment you with questions.”

“It’s ok I guess,” I replied. “I don’t remember much. I don’t remember what happened before I’d woken up. I’m sorry.”

I was really sorry. I’d dreamed so much about becoming a girl. How I’d live the happy life of the girl in the family. Now I was a girl and probably could be happy. But I wasn’t because I had no memories of growing up, attending school, my friends and relatives. I was like a veggie. And I was dropped on my mom’s head like such. It made me so upset. I mean really upset. The only advantage was I could express my emotions now. I didn’t need to suppress my feelings anymore. At last, I could be myself and not a sturdy man. I couldn’t keep the tears from flowing down my face.

“I can’t remember,” I sobbed. “I’ve lost my previous life. I’ve lost your daughter.”

In the same instance, I was in mom’s arms. She was rocking me gently. She brushed the hair from my face and then patted some tissue in my eyes.

“I’m thankful to the Lord you’re back. Nothing else matters. We get over this hurdle together.”

It didn’t take long for my health to return to the norm. My memory was excellent. It was tested all possible ways and I was showing superb results. I was tested academically and I proved I was the same A student as I was before. But I didn’t remember my teachers, my fellow classmates, relatives or my home. I did remember my old self Bob Goretzki, but I couldn’t say a word from his past if I want to get out of the hospital ever.

There was nothing left for me to do in the hospital. I was released home. What would it be like? There was only mom coming to visit me. Were there any siblings? Was there my dad? Mom didn’t say and I didn’t ask. Every proof of my ignorance was as painful as a needle under the fingernail for mom.

The city was Lewiston. It wasn’t some small rural town as I had imagined before. We went to a suburb area that was dominated by old trees. We turned some and got to a dead-end street. Not far from the end there was my new home – a rather small two-story house with attached garage. I liked the trees around.

Mom showed me into my room on the second floor. On the same floor there was another bedroom mom said was previously Brian’s and now was reserved for guests. She didn’t say who Brian was. The master bedroom was on the first floor. She led me to her room where we found a man in his late forties in a wheelchair with headphones on doing something at PC. That’s why he didn’t hear when we came home. So that was my dad! Mom patted his shoulder and he took headphones of turning wheelchair to face us.

“Oh Lucy!” he opened his arms for an embrace. The smile cracked his face and then tears started streaming down his cheeks at the same time.

I fell on my knees at the side of his wheelchair for the hug. He was kissing my forehead and my hair and patting my back.

“Thanks, Lord, you’re back. Thanks, Lord… We wouldn’t survive another loss.”

All three of us needed a lot of patience to rebuild the family. A lot of nasty things had happened here. I had to figure it out. I had to listen and remember. Piece by piece I got to know Brian was my older brother. Three years ago dad and Brian, with Dad’s friend and his son, went hunting. While chasing their game they got into the stream and as it was the week before Halloween they were cold. For warmth, they had some whiskey. Later they had a little more of it. As usually are in such cases they were sure they were good to drive. Dad was the only one who survived. The only good thing was that not Dad was driving.

The next day after I’d come home I went to school. I’d gone through a lot of tests and I was assigned to the ninth grade as it was planned before. There had to be some students who were with Lucy in her old school. By the behavior of others, I understood that Lucy was an outcast. No worries here, I was used to it in my previous life.

As Bob, I was over six feet and about two hundred pounds due to my parents’ forcing me into manhood using DHT shots. I was something different now. I was five-seven and ninety-six pounds. I was rather flat and showing no curves.

Guess what? Girls are bullied the same as boys. Snide remarks and ‘accidental’ shove into the locker or books falling on the floor. I had this before. But I had practiced the response. Yes, I was half of my old self, but I had the resolve, impetuosity, and proficiency of more than ten years of fighting back.

The bullying stopped but I still had no friends. Only after Halloween, the hostility stopped. Some girls and later boys were answering to my ‘Hi’ and were returning my smiles.

After the New Year, I was accepted into the group of another three girls. We were more studying than anything else like boys or… boys. We were not endowed with feminine curves so it made it simpler to study and to be together.

The same way at home, it was a chance to start new relations. With me being literally a tabula rasa to build the family anew was the only possibility. This ended with the renewal of their vows in March during the twentieth anniversary of their marriage.