The Mad Adventures of Suzie Lavender - The Introduction

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SIMON THE SISSY

My name is Simon Fornsby. I live in the City of Jupiter City in the nation of Mippa which was once the West Coast of the United States. The year is 2978 and a lot a lot have things have happened since the second nuclear war of 2416. The Earth made an amazingly quick recovery and major advancements have been made in medicine that has risen the average life span to 120 years. Even better, no one visibly ages on the outside and you only age on the inside once you reach your eighties. Of course laws have changed as well as the penalties for certain crimes have changed. For example, if you’re convicted of rape for example, you are forced to drink a pink candy flavored solution known as a Sissy Cocktail that will hormonally transform you into, guess what? A sissy (who could have seen that coming?). Of course sissy cocktails work in different ways as it may turn someone who is inclined to be a girl into what we call a sissy girl, while someone who is otherwise macho is turned into, well, a whiny giant girl baby. Girls are comparatively lucky as, while they too are forced to drink the concoction if they happen to cross the line, the only major effect besides giving them an effeminate personality temporarily is to make all of their hair fall out with the exception of the hair on the head, and their eyelashes. So they also have to endure a public shaving of their heads if they break the law.

Why am I mentioning all of this? Well, I guess I have to admit I’m a sissy. Not, not the kind of simpering sissy one becomes when he bullies someone weaker than him. No, I mean, I really want to be a real girly girl where I can wear pantyhose and short skirts just like the real sissies.

Of course, I’d never tell anyone because my family would be shocked. So would my one and only friend, Sally; more on her later. Yes, I only have one friend. The boys, not surprisingly, pick on me because I’m only five foot four and don’t act like the other guys. I don’t really act like a girl either but I’m lousy at sports and am afraid to do boy things like jumping over things with my bike or racing a car down Suicide Strip.

Needless to say I have no chance of landing a girlfriend even though I’m as attracted to them as any boy out there. Even Sally has no interest in me, mainly because she’s a closet lesbian, lucky me. The funny thing is, the head cheerleader, Megan Sullivan, is always flirting with me, well, she’s making fun of me actually because that’s what cheerleaders do I guess. Sometimes I wish I’d have the guts to ask her out but she’d just laugh at me and make me look like a fool, so I’m best off just letting her have her fun.

So I guess I’ll go home and hope Bud, my step-father, doesn’t go off on my Mom again. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you; my parents divorced when I was five because Dad wanted a rich woman and Mom hadn’t sown her wild oats yet. So Mom met this guy Bud in a bar and we’ve been miserable since. And I can’t live with Dad because Judy, my step monster, hates me and treats Dad like a Casper Milquetoast. Well, at least he’s got his wish; Judy is the CEO of a big cosmetics company and is loaded.

So anyway, that’s the story of my life. I hope I have to guts to end it soon.

SALLY

Sally is my best friend; actually, she’s my only friend, and I think I’m her only friend as well. Maybe it’s because she is so different from the other girls. You see, In Mippa, girls are supposed to have long hair that cascades past the shoulders. Not, Sally, no she has to be different. She likes to wear her hair in a twenties style bob. She actually looks pretty cute but the other girls look down on her and call her names like baldie. She likes to remind them that she’s not actually bald but it always falls on deaf ears. Her three sisters don’t understand her either and she is pretty much the black sheep of her family which makes sense because she has dark hair.

We’ve been friends ever since the sixth grade. She felt sorry for me after a bunch of boys threw me in the bushes one day after school because they didn’t have anything better to do. I guess I felt sorry for her after Sherry Petraglia, now one of the mean cheerleaders, cut Sally’s ponytail off in some game of dominance. Sally has had her hair cut in a bob since. Sally also has decided she doesn’t like boys which is why we never became an item. Not that I really see Sally in that way anyhow. For one thing, she’s something like five ten so we’d be like Mutt and Jeff in reverse. And, of course, she’s into girls, or at least she says she is anyway. In fact, she has confided in me that she thinks she’s in love with Josie Farber, the star girl athlete at Spaulding High. Josie is a typical looking girl with the signature long hair but she is also rather muscular and is never seen with any guys. So, naturally, Sally assumes Josie must be gay herself.

Sally and I always talk about girls and one name that always seems to come up is Megan Sullivan. Megan has been teasing me since the ninth grade by making me think she likes me I guess. She doesn’t, of course, since she’s been dating the star quarterback, Jerry Donalds, since the beginning of time it seems. She keeps telling me that Jerry isn’t really man enough for her. Sally thinks I should call Megan’s bluff and accept her offer of a date but I’m not so sure. I mean, for starters, Jerry would probably have me beat up or at least do something to somehow humiliate me.

“But Simon, what do you have to lose, besides you’re pretty much humiliated already. Stand up to the bitch. Be a man for once in your life.”

I know Sally is only trying to make me confident of myself, but who am I kidding? I’m a five foot four wuss and I’ll always be.

MEGAN

I may have mentioned my life has been a series of taunting by boys for the most part, but now, in my Junior year at High School, I have to put up with taunting by the Cheerleading squad. I think the cheerleaders are basically an extension of the jocks at school who are less concerned about beating 98 pound weaklings up (actually I’m 130 pounds but those semantics) and let their girlfriends humiliate the weaklings instead.

All of the cheerleaders are knock dead gorgeous, of course, but the most stunning of them all, has to be Megan Sullivan, the head cheerleader. Not only does she have a perfect body within her five foot seven frame, she has a gorgeous mane of blonde hair that she keeps just below her shoulders. Her angelic looking face is framed by her wispy bangs. It’s no wonder Jerry Donalds is so dazzled by her.

So why does she keep trying to get me to go out with her? Yes, I know Megan dates other boys behind Jerry’s back; it’s one of those open secrets at school. Anyway, now Megan wants me to go to a Halloween party with her. She even has the perfect superhero costume for me she chortles. People find the costume irresistible. Yeah, I bet. She probably wants to dress me up as Mighty Mouse.

“No, Silly. You’ll be the greatest Superhero of them all and you know who that is, don’t you?” Megan pulls out a Batman keychain from her pocketbook. Batman, hmmm. Yeah, that would be cool. I might look silly being a short guy and all but why not?

“Wait a minute. I’m not going to end up looking more like Bat Fink, am I?”

“Of course not, silly. You will look stunning. Scout’s honor.”

So what do I do. Do I do the usual and bashfully shy away, or do I take Sally’s advice and call her bluff?

“Okay, Megan, I’ll take you up on that.” Let’s see how she handles that one.

Megan lights up like a Christmas tree like she’s caught her prey.

“Oh, goody! I’ll pick you up at six, Friday night!” I guess she called my bluff instead.

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