VIII. To Say Goodbye To You

I planned a night for us, just the two us this time, with absolutely no Derek-sitting required. Keri had broken up with about a week after the movie double date. I did not know the reasons and I never asked Sam to tell me as it wasn’t my business.

I wanted us to go somewhere that we had never been to and just spend time together. Maybe dinner or perhaps going to the mall…but I didn’t have any money, at least not the amount to go out on the town; and I didn’t have a license and I didn’t want James or my parents to have to chauffeur us around. So, I decided to make it a picnic event in Medical Lake. Yes, my mom did drive us but Sam had a blindfold on; which she refused to do at first, until I played up on the surprise.

We arrived at the lake front and I led her out of the car while carrying two backpacks. I waved my mom that she could go which was a huge gamble. I didn’t know if she’d hate what I planned or saw it as ultra-cheap—but again, we were both too young to work for a lot of money so I was hopeful that she would find it lovely, romantic, or at the very least, quaint.

I removed the blindfold and she commented that she knew this Medical Lake when she got out of the car and that it was a cool idea. I so wanted to tell her everything that I was afraid to say so many months ago, the same things I didn’t say yet again even with a small radio playing a slow-dance song and with our faces millimeters apart. It breaks your heart in two, to wonder why you can’t be truthful and why your thoughts of that white picket fence and a small house on two teacher’s salaries would never happen.

The fire trucks left the school without dousing the gym in water but the pep rally was effectively cancelled due to the smoke and lingering stench of gunpowder. No one saw who lit the poster up but a few people claimed it was an awesome sight. I sat in my desk and looked at the clock during the class. Time never moved so slow for me than on that day. I had the plan to leave school, walk across the street and meet Rebekah off-grounds where we could maybe talk about everything and try to handle how to tell everyone who needed to know; which in my mind would only be her parents. We didn’t need the world’s permission. I didn’t need-but would prefer— to have Jeannie’s blessing, but in the end, her opinion was not needed.

I admit, I felt a bit of fear with talking to her parents. I hoped that—maybe—she would have mentioned to them what was going on. Maybe not saying exactly who I was but perhaps giving them some sort of allegory of our relationship. I could only hope.

“What happened this afternoon?”
“A poster caught on fire.”
“A poster?’ She asked as I took her hair right hand and we walked away from the school.
“Yeah, kind off killed the pep rally.”
“And the dance.”
“Well, there’s another one tomorrow. If you want to go.”
“Homecoming?” Rebekah stopped walking, dropped my hand, and looked at me. “You want to take me to homecoming?”
“Yes, and you have no idea how hard I thought it was going to be to ask you.”
“I can imagine. Wow, first high school dance a year early.”
“You’re ahead of the game.”
“Seriously? You want to go with me?”
“If you don’t want to, then we can spend the entire night on a porch swing or the school swing set. I’ll bring a few CD’s of music and maybe we can try to do some type of line dance that’s popular here for some reason.”
“We’ll need more people for a line dance,” she replied as she grabbed my hand again as we continued walking and my hand continued getting sweaty.

I was actually holding her hand for longer than I ever thought was possible. I almost felt like swinging our hands high and then sweeping her off of her feet and holding her high up, like what you see in the movies, but I figured I’d trip and we would both fall to the street. It was best to just smile.
“I’m kind of glad you had your break-up.”

“Me too,” I truthfully replied. Five days earlier I was distraught, disturbed and distressed and though the world had ended but at that moment I almost took in Jason’s words of not remembering ‘old what’s her name’.
“So, you’re really serious about homecoming?”
“Yes, but I’m for whatever you would want to do instead.”
“I’d have to ask my parents and I doubt they’d let you drive me.”
“I will gladly let them drive us there,” I replied with a nod.
“Can they drop us off a few miles away?”
“Of course. We’ll just wear tennis shoes and walk a bit up the road.”
“I’ll ask them tonight before the game.”
“Great,” I replied as I pondered whether I wanted to meet her parents first or just let her work with them.
We turned down the street her house was on when Rebekah stopped short.
“Paul’s there.”
Paul?” I hid any iota that I knew anyone by that name, as there were probably fifty or so people named in Paul in town or the country. What were the odds that it would be THAT one.
“Jeannie’s boyfriend. I don’t really like him. There’s something fake about him, like he wants me to like him so much but then he talks about others. Sorry, here I am doing that to him.”
I couldn’t argue with her. “Maybe Jeannie can rub off on him.”
“As her sister, I’m a bit divided on that.”
“Only child. I can’t relate.”
Rebekah nodded. “Well, ready?”
“To face our first exposure to the real world?”
“Yeah, because our friends don’t count.”
“Ready if you are.”
“Yep,” she said with a nod and we walked on. However, Jeannie walked out of the house and into Paul’s car. The car backed out of the driveway and drove the other way down the street. I felt a bit of relief.
“I guess mom and dad aren’t at home.”
“Then, my dear, this is where I must leave you.”
“You’re right.”
“Can you meet me at the school?”
“How about six at the swings?” I asked.
“Great.”
We didn’t break hands and just looked at each other, something I thought I could do forever—if we weren’t standing in the middle of the street.
She let go of my hand and took a step backwards.
“I’ll see you later, Eric.”
“I’ll be waiting there for you.” I didn’t dare say ‘goodbye’. “Later.”
I walked away and looked back, but she was already at her door.

“You mean you just left her?” Jason asked as we stepped into the “R-Store”, the only grocery store in Reardan.
“I’m not going into her house with just the two of us.”
“Yeah, if her parents came home you’d have to spend the night in her closet. Actually, depending on certain things, that may be a good thing. You could cross it off your bucket list.”
“Is that on yours?”
“If it was Cynthia Crawford’s closet? Oh yeah.”
We walked past the counters and to the candy aisle.
“Hey, Eric, there’s a ring pop--you could give it to your girlfriend-- call it your engagement.
“Not a bad idea,” I replied as Jason tossed the cherry-colored candy to me.
“Its a terrible idea.”
“I’ve thought about getting married, someday.” I replied as I held onto the lollipop.
“Like when, next week?”
“Haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”
Jason had grabbed a large bag of Twizzlers, a box of Twix bars and some gum.
“Then, there’s the honeymoon.”
I wold have to ask him how many of miles of dental he used each week.
“Why does it always have to go there?”
“Because, it happens.”
“What, love? Marriage?”
“Teenage pregnancy,”
“Well, yeah, that happens to some,” I replied as I followed Jason to the soda and chip aisle.
“Why would you want to be married?”
“It’s called love.”
“You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means. Let’s note facts: You commit a crime, you’re arrested, you get an attorney, set before a judge, verdict is rendered, you’re sentenced, and you’re given a number and life without parole.”
“So, marriage is like a prison sentence?”
“Yes, without the metal toilet. You meet somebody, you fall in love, you buy a ring, you go before a judge and the verdict is rendered. You’re sentenced and given a number and life without parole.”
“And I once wondered why you don’t have a girlfriend.”
“A girlfriend is one thing, a bride to be is another; AND, you’ve only known her for a week. Granted, sometimes weird things happens and people get so close they get married in no time...but usually they’re older and--geez why are we talking about this? I feel like I should go rent a tux.”
“One day, you just might.”
“The day you get married, or when I hear that you‘re going to get married, I’ll buy you one. Hell, I’ll buy her friggin dress too.”.
“Do you remember reading Romeo and Juliet?”
“You’re making me think back to the ninth grade, but yeah”
“Then you see what I mean?”
“Getting married, she drinking hemlock and you stabbing yourself? Let me inform you about the laws in this state--”
“In the state of Washington you have to have parental consent if you’re under seventeen.”
“I don’t really want to know why you know that. You’ve been thinking about it, haven’t you?”
“I’m not thinking anything like that, I, we--Jason, I think I love her.”
“Did you tell her that? You kind of have a habit of talking about things to everyone else but the particular person. Also, you have a habit of gigantic delusions of grandeur. ”
“It’s too early to say that to her. I think it would frighten her away.”
“Have you given her any of your poems?”
“One.”
“And she didn’t run away then?”
Jason opened one of the drink case and pulled out three Mountain Dew bottles.
“No.”
“Look, Eric,” Jason handed the bottles to me and then closed the case, “I will regret saying this, but, if she ,makes you happy, then I’m happy.”
“Thank you.”
“But, if you say or do anything stupid, I will be there to laugh at you like Jim Carrey.”
“Couldn’t stop you if I tried.”
“Damn straight,” Jason replied as we went to check-out.

I waited until we left the R-Store and before Jason took a drink of his soda to say anything else.
“I asked her to homecoming.”
“Oh my God! Strad, what in the hell is wrong with you?” Jason asked as he fumbled with nearly opened Mountain Dew. “Am I on ‘Totally Hidden Video’? Seriously? Where did they hide the freaking camera on you?”