(or “Trapped in a Phone Booth in a Space Station”)
The Doctor has disappeared, but he left his newest apprentice on 21st century Earth to help the humans while he was away, Dr. Quinn Valentine.
This is the story of Quinn’s first mission as the Doctor’s pinch-hitter. And she comes with her new sonic screwdriver, her own companion (best friend Mary Elizabeth “Binky” Kristensen), and even her own TARDIS, except Quinn’s TARDIS looks like a red London Phone Box.
1. About Quinn and Binky
It’s been ten months now since that day, or maybe that’s not right. Maybe I should say it’s been three years and ten months… Or actually, if you’re going by the calendar, I should say three months.
Confused? Well, that’s nothing new for me.
Hi. I’m Dr. Quinn Valentine, recently appointed associate professor of astrophysics in Cambridge University’s Institute of Astronomy in Cambridge, England.
And, as my best friend, doctoral candidate Mary Elizabeth Kristensen (who I call Binky just to be annoying), and I sit in this holding cell, I can’t help but reminisce on how we ended up here.
Almost four years ago (going by the elapsed time in my head), I was still a he then, and Cambridge’s newest wunderkind.
I was controversial, not for anything I had done, but simply because I was American. And in the hallowed halls of Cambridge, an American physics-slash-astronomy professorial candidate was almost unheard of. Despite my obvious brilliance (as you see, I am very humble, heehee), my application would have been passed on, if not for the man my professors called “the Doctor.”
The Doctor had apparently taken a shine to me, and, with his sponsorship, I eventually became one of the Institute’s few American professors.
From then on, this mysterious “Doctor” became a fixture in my life, and things would never be the same for me again.
2. About The Doctor
No one in the university really knew him, except that he was very important to the university higher-ups, and was allowed anything he wanted.
The Doctor was actually a “Time Lord” – an alien from Gallifrey, a planet located in the constellation Kasterborous, within a parsec or two from the center of our galaxy. Time Lords are able to travel to any place and time in the known universe through the use of amazing time machines called TARDISes (TARDIS stood for “Time and Relative Dimension In Space”).
The Doctor was a tall, thin, salt-and-pepper-haired crotchety old man that didn’t seem to do much of anything except fly around in his TARDIS, but when Binky and I found ourselves whisked along with him on some of his trips around space and time, I realized I was totally wrong.
Apparently, the Doctor was a kind of Robin Hood, or maybe a Batman or a Green Arrow, and he went around helping people in situations that needed help. Many times they were like world-shaking emergencies or disasters, and he traveled the universe helping where he could.
Apparently, humans had a special place in his heart because he seemed to have taken on the role of the Earth’s protector, helping to stave off invasions, disasters, the depredations of would-be dictators and other assorted bad guys.
We weren’t destined to be like the so-called “companions” that the Doctor has had over the centuries (and yes, I did say “centuries”) – simple bystanders along for the ride; he had a definite plan for us.
After that disastrous thing with the “monks” a couple of years ago (betcha can’t remember, right? But don’t fret - most of us had more-or-less forgotten what happened already), the Doctor had started looking for a sort of pinch-hitter to help him because he knew the Earth was going to need some help to get through some tough times in the 21st Century. And, apparently, I was to be this pinch-hitter.
And so began my apprenticeship.
3. About Quinn’s TARDIS
Binky and I got to join him in a few of his “adventures,” and were introduced to several of the baddies that Earth would again be facing– such as the Daleks, the Cybermen and the Martian Ice Warriors. But, most of all, we got a crash course in galactic history as well as comprehensive lessons in the care and feeding of the Doctor’s Type 40-TT TARDIS – apparently, I was going to get my very own TARDIS and needed to know my way around one.
But, instead of going to Gallifrey to get one (something I found out even the Doctor couldn’t swing, given his reputation among the Time Lords), we ended up going to a kind of Gallifreyan boneyard of discarded Gallifreyan tech at the edge of the galaxy, which included broken-down TARDISes, TARDIS parts and other things.
TARDISes were never made - they were actually “grown” in labs on Gallifrey. But that didn’t stop anyone putting one together, provided he knew where to get parts from old TARDISes.
So, under the guidance of the Doctor, my students and I found a derelict Type 40 and scrounged up all the parts we would needed to make it functional. We then used the Doctor’s own TARDIS as our reference (apparently, you couldn’t get blueprints for TARDISes, especially for obsolete versions like the Doctor’s own Type 40). We soon had a working TARDIS (although the word “working” wasn’t completely correct).
My TARDIS was essentially lacking the stuff that gave a TARDIS character, but the Doctor said I’d eventually accumulate that over time. But the Doctor did select a “desktop theme” that he thought was nice (it was similar to the theme that his eleventh incarnation preferred).
One thing that we never did get used to was the fact that a TARDIS was bigger on the inside. On the outside, it looked like a ten-foot-tall metal cylinder, but once its chameleon circuit was engaged, it would look like some normal feature or object from its immediate surroundings. So, when the Doctor landed in 1960s London, his TARDIS took on the appearance of a British 1950s police callbox. However, apparently, its chameleon circuit was damaged so it was stuck like that ever since.
As for my TARDIS, since we were using the Doctor’s TARDIS as our pattern, we inadvertently copied its stuck chameleon circuit as well. But, at least, my TARDIS was able to update itself a little – mine now looks like one of those red telephone phone booths that you see in London. Thank goodness it didn’t look like a 1950s police box. But, like the Doctor’s, mine was stuck as well.
On the inside, though, it was as if the space inside the TARDIS was infinite. I didn’t really understand the Doctor’s sketchy explanation, but I didn’t care. All I needed to know was that there was enough closet space for all the clothes I would eventually be buying.
4. About Quinn’s Regeneration
After we got my TARDIS working, it was then that the Doctor revealed the second part of his plan.
Through some contrived pretext, he exposed me to something called The Eye of Harmony for a whole week (something you shouldn’t do), and I became a sort of human analogue of a Timelord, somewhat similar to the infamous Dr. River Song. This was essential because, in order for my TARDIS to start working, it needed to imprint on its Gallifreyan pilot, and that was to be the transformed me.
Furthermore, I discovered that I could also undergo what are called “regenerations” - you see, real Gallifreyan Time Lords could regenerate their physical selves when they found they were close to death. And, apparently, even “fake” Time Lords like me also regenerated. My first regeneration was necessary so that I would be able to survive the “brain dump” that I was going to be given, like the brain dump that Donna Noble, one of the Doctor’s old companions, experienced, but since she was just an ordinary human, she almost died because of it until the imprinted knowledge was erased.
So, the Doctor arranged for an “accident” to trigger my first transformation.
Of course, no one told me about the regeneration, the data dump, the fact that the regeneration would turn me into a physically different person, and that the change would be completely uncontrolled. Oh, well. I guess there are worse things than turning into a blonde bombshell, right? As well getting the attendant blonde bombshell attitude and personality: Binky said I’ve turned into a bimbo, but I don’t think so. She’s just jealous. (Although I do seem to have this new instinct to start wearing sexy clothes. Heehee.)
Anyway, soon after the regeneration and brain dump, the Doctor told us about this old-time cassette tape we had to pick up in LA (see my story from our third Mix Tape post - Bobbie), and as soon as we left, he disappeared to parts unknown, along with his friends Bill and Nardole. And we never saw him again.
Anyway, instead of the hoped-for plans to fix my TARDIS, it turned out the cassette was full of instructions for our first, ummm, “mission.”
The cassettes said we’re supposed to investigate this space station currently orbiting the planet, and to stop whatever nefarious plans its builders had for it. What the station was, who its builders were, and what they had planned for it, we didn’t know, except that it was going to be something “very, very bad,” as the Doctor said in the cassette.
Well.
5. About the Mysterious Space Station
Anyway, it seemed that we were all alone on this one - no Doctor to help - and Binky and I began with some reconnoitering. Not difficult if you had a TARDIS.
We went through all the Internet feeds and channels, and I found, in the secret ones run by the government, that people were already aware of the station. They were trying to find out who sent it up, but they weren’t having luck. Some were backtracking and tracing all rocket launches in the last few years. Their theory was that it was assembled from parts sent up and assembled in orbit piece by piece. But then, how come no one saw it being assembled? In fact, it was only found by accident a few months ago, courtesy of some high school kids with a homemade telescope.
The natural conclusion was that it was of alien origin.
But, looking at its picture in the TARDIS’s monitor, it was clearly of human origin. In fact, it looked like the ISS, except for a ginormous module attached to it – a big tin can-shaped thing about the length and width of a football field. It was so large it was as long and wide as the rest of the station.
There was like a kind of scaffolding that connected the flat side of the can to the ISS part, and it had four equidistant rows of ports on its curving wall.
“What are those?” Binky said, pointing at the ports. “Thrust vents or something?”
“I don’t know,” I answered. I then flipped switches in a certain sequence. The knowledge of what to do seemed automatic to me now.
Binky looked at me. “So,” she said, “the brain dump is finally working, huh?”
I shrugged. “Well, not completely. I seem to be getting bursts of stuff, but it’s all random. Anyway – look.” I pointed to the screen.
The close-up shot showed that the ports had something stuffed inside them. Binky squinted. “Those look like rocks inside the ports.”
“Yes, they are. And look at this.”
A kind of shuttle was fast approaching the space station. As we watched, it laboriously maneuvered and parked itself right above the flat side of the tin can. It then opened its bay doors and mechanical arms started transferring rocks into the tin can via a large hatch. And the shuttle’s cargo bay seemed full to the brim with rocks.
“Now why would they be collecting rocks?” Binky asked.
Putting two and two together, my blood ran cold.
“I think I know why,” I said. “Hold on!”
Almost instinctively, I reached for a lever and pulled it down. The familiar wheezing sound reverberated through the control area.
6. About Breathable Air
After a few moments, we felt the TARDIS land, and the sound slowly diminished.
Binky and I looked at each other. “You coulda’ warned me, you blasted…”
I waved her down. “No time for that.”
I started walking back into the inside of the TARDIS.
“Now, where are yeh going?” she asked exasperatedly.
“To change outfits, of course!” I exclaimed.
In a while, I came out wearing a little black dress with a short skirt, heels and smoky tights, and with my dark-blonde hair in kicky little ponytail. I thought it made me look professional, not to mention cute.
“You have your equipment with you?” Binky asked.
“Yes,” I said as I typed a long email on my phone and then pressed send. “I got my psychic paper, sonic screwdriver, makeup kit…”
She sighed in irritation. “Dammit…”
“Here,” I said, and handed something to her, mostly to shut her up.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a modified cellphone. So we can keep in touch with each other if we get separated.” I then put my Wayfarer sunglasses in my outfit’s breast pocket, my phone, my girl-wallet, a packet of tissues, my special compact makeup clutch, the psychic paper and, of course, my sonic in various other pockets.
“Why not use a purse for all your stuff?” Binky waved her own purse.
She’s right, of course. Now why didn’t I think of one? Clearly, I’m still done regenerating yet.
Before I could open the doors, Binky put a hand on my arm. “Wait! Is there air out there?”
“You’re forgetting – the TARDIS makes its own atmosphere. We’re safe to walk out.”
She shook her head. “No, I’m not forgetting. I didn’t know it in the first place. That brain dump must really be working on you now, huh?”
I shrugged.
We stepped out and started looking around. Apparently, we materialized, or “landed” as the Doctor might say, inside one of the station’s landing bays. (Mentally, I was congratulating myself for my piloting skills – I landed us in the place I was aiming for.)
That fact alone was impressive – as far as I knew, humans haven’t been able to build anything in orbit large enough to even have a landing bay. And, of course, if there’s a landing bay, then there were ships that would make use of the landing bay. Seeing the words “Bay 02” on the wall also told me there was at least one other landing bay. Wow.
Binky pointed to the sign. “English,” she said. “Definitely a human station, then.”
I didn’t bother to point out that, having come from inside the TARDIS, everything we would see would be translated to English, but since I knew that the sign was indeed in English script, I just let it go.
I took out my new sonic screwdriver and waved it around.
“Well,” I said, “the station itself is fully pressurized, including that attachment we saw. But no one’s around in this part of the station. Everyone’s on the other side.”
“You can tell all that with the sonic screwdriver?”
“Well… yes?”
“What is that attachment anyway, do you think?” Binky asked.
“Well, essentially, it’s a bomb bay. They’ve set up this station into something like an orbital bombing platform. They’ll be able to drop rocks onto the planet like bombs. And with the speed, size and mass of the rocks, they’ll have enough kinetic energy that they could be like little nuclear bombs exploding on top of cities.”
“Oh, my god!”
“Not planet-killer size rocks, though – those ports we saw are too small for those.”
“What do we do, Quinn?”
“Well, offhand, I think we have to destroy the station, or at least that bomb bay. The question is, how?”
“Yes, indeed, that is the question,” we heard a deep voice with an Italian accent emanate from the intercom speakers.
“Oh, my god,” Binky whispered, “they know we’re here!”
7. All About Captivity
We looked around in the little holding cell we were put in. Nothing except the bunks and the chairs.
Binky took a sip of her drink.
“It’s ironic,” she said. “We’re trapped in a space station, and the drink they left us with is Tang.”
We both giggled at that.
“Eat your heart out, Neil Armstrong,” I said.
We heard someone open the door of our cell.
“Good evening, ladies,” the man at our door said. It was the man from the intercom. The thick Italian accent was a giveaway. “Hope you are feeling well today.”
“We’re doing okay,” Binky said, and nonchalantly sipped her so-called orange juice.
“I’m pleased to meet you,” he said, nodding to Binky, “but I’m even more pleased to meet the famous Doctor,” he said and bowed to me, “and his magical phone booth. In my organization, you, Doctor, are quite famous. I do love the new you, though. Excellent regeneration.” He wagged his eyes suggestively. “And I have so wanted to perhaps see the inside of your TARDIS?”
“I’m sorry, but you have me mistaken for someone else.”
He laughed. “I doubt that – we find two women in my station without spacesuits, with no spaceship parked anywhere near, a strange phone booth parked in my landing bay, and one of these women carrying one of these.” He brought out my brand-new sonic screwdriver.
“You know,” he continued, “we’ve heard of what your sonic screwdriver is capable of. Still, none of my people can figure out how it works. I would ask you for a demonstration, but I don’t know if that’s safe.”
I shrugged. “How about our other stuff?”
“You mean these?” He gestured to the other guy, who brought out a Ziploc bag with all our stuff. “I’m afraid I can’t let you have them, either, my dear.”
I decided to use another tack.
“You know,” I said, “you seem to know all about me. But I’m afraid I don’t know anything about you. I think that’s a little unfair.”
The man laughed. “Of course, you’re right. Let me introduce myself, then. I am Tomas Stelisto, from the beautiful and historic city of Milan, and formerly of the United States Space Program. I’m fairly sure you don’t know me, but I’m sure you know my employers – the Slitheen Family of Raxacoricofallapatorius? Goodness – that is indeed a mouthful.”
“The Slitheen? No wonder. I take it this station is theirs?”
“Ah, no. It’s mine. I built it, under contract to the Slitheen.”
“So, you built a space-based meteor-bombing platform for the Slitheen. Did they tell you why they wanted one?”
“Well, not really. I can assume they want to enslave the human race – use the station as their bargaining chip, perhaps.”
“Well, no. The Slitheen don’t really want the people. All they want is the planet itself.”
“Well, whatever. I never did plan to give it to them. So, I took their gold, used it to get whatever I needed to build the station, but I never intended to give it to them. No one is going to be taking over the Earth anytime soon, except for me.”
“I don’t get it. So, it’s not good for aliens to take over the planet, but it’s perfectly fine if a human did?”
“Sure. Especially if that human happened to be me.”
“What made you think the Slitheen would just leave you alone after you take their station?” Binky interjected. “Do you even know what they’ll do to you once they find out what you’re doing?”
“Ahhh! That’s why I called UNIT. Anonymously, of course. They’ll chase away the Slitheen for me, which they already have, according to my mole. Now, I’m free to do what I want.”
“UNIT,” I said. “I imagine they already know about your station.”
“Hah! We’ve been constructing the station for years now, and, during all this time, they never even knew we were here.”
“How is that even possible?” Binky asked.
“Because of this.” He then brought out a little device about the size of a pack of cigarettes.
“That looks like a Slitheen cloaking device,” I said. “They’re pretty effective.”
”Indeed, it is,” the Italian said. “This one little gadget allowed me to hide our station.”
“That small, little thing?” Binky said incredulously.
“This was all we needed. The anonymity of my entire operation depends on this one little device.”
“That’s all I needed to know,” I said.
I reached out suddenly, grabbed the little box and threw it against the bulkhead. It smashed into little bits and, just for a second, the lights blinked out.
“There,” I said. “You are now visible to Earth-based radar and other detection stations.”
“Why, you…”
While he was still reacting, I reached out, grabbed my sonic from his hand and pointed it at one of the control panels on the wall.
8. All About Running In the Dark
The station’s power was turned off, but I made a slight miscalculation – since it was spin gravity, we didn’t start drifting up when we lost power, as I was intending it to, hoping to distract the people that way. So I made some slight changes in my plan.
Despite the total darkness, I knew where Binky was. It was like I had a photographic memory now. I grabbed for her hand and knocked Tomas aside. I then reached out to where the other man was and grabbed the bag with our stuff and ran through the open door. The two fumbled around in the dark, trying to grab us.
“Owww!” Binky exclaimed when she hit her shoulder on the jamb, but I didn’t stop and continued running down the hallway.
I randomly pointed my sonic to the wall, hoping to hit one of the control panels. As I waved the sonic about, I was able to trigger one of the panels. The lights and power came back on. I went to the nearest panel, punched up the satellite plans and looked for the route getting back to Bay Two.
“Stop!” one of the people that saw us yelled. Dammit!
I switched the power off again, but I was sure of my bearings now.
“Binky,” I said, “just hold onto my hand and follow my lead, okay? Don’t get scared.”
“Okay, Quinn,” she said. “I trust you.”
“Now, run!”
In complete darkness, we were actually running.
We collided into several people, however, and Binky bumped into some walls, but I didn’t let up, knowing they’d be able to turn the lights back on soon.
9. About UNIT
We were at Bay Two’s main doors when the lights finally came on. Thank goodness for that.
The people around us were starting to get their bearings but I didn’t wait for them to notice us. I slammed my hand on the Door Release, and the blast door slid open.
I pulled Binky inside, closed the door, pointed my sonic at the controls and short-circuited it. It felt good to finally be safe. But…
“Umm, Quinn…”
I looked around and found us surrounded.
Thinking quickly, I lifted my sonic again and pointed it at them. The sonic’s warbling was loud inside the landing bay.
“Don’t move!” I said, “unless you want some of this!” I waggle the sonic.
They complied, and even raised their hands.
“Okay, now move away from the phone booth!”
They backed away from my TARDIS. I opened the TARDIS’s door with my key, and we jumped in.
As soon as we were secure inside, I went to the main controls and started the TARDIS. In moments, we heard that familiar groaning noise, and we materialized back into outer space, about eighty kilometers from the station.
Binky laughed. “Would the sonic have really hurt them?” she asked.
“No,” I giggled.
Binky turned on the monitor and saw the station.
“What’s that?” Binky said, pointing to half a dozen metal slivers approaching the station.
“I imagine that would be UNIT’s missiles. I called them earlier saying I’ll take care of their cloaking.”
“Ahhh…”
A light started blinking on the panel.
“A message!”
I turned the monitor on, and a video message from the Doctor was displayed.
A blonde woman was looking at us. “Good work, Doctor Quinn. Congratulations. Now, I need you and Ms. Kristensen to go somewhere. There’s another cassette tape you need to find.”
“Dammit!” I exclaimed.
“Did the doctor regenerate?” Binky asked.
Note - The picture was a collage made from publicly accessible pictures of the Doctor Who logo, The Agent G character and other pictures: No ownership is claimed; no IP infringement is intended.
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