by Mark McDonald
Dancing On Daddy's Shoes - Chapter 11 - New Realities
Baker, TN was a town of only a few thousand residents. Like so many other small towns such as Alpine, nestled in the rolling ancient hills the Applications, Backer was a place where time had not necessarily stopped, but it could be said that time had slowed to a considerable crawl. So when the caravans of news media trucks began to arrive to cover what was fast becoming yet another incident in a growing national debate on school violence, the residents were not quite prepared for the circus when it came to town.
When the news of Kirk Oswatler's attack on Kimberly Glass broke it should have been no surprise to see the land flotilla of media trucks out in front of the school the morning after. Like a mighty invading army, trucks from as far away as Richmond, Atlanta and Orlando were parked willy nilly around the school grounds. Camera's and broadcasting equipment, satellite dishes and field reporters dotted the campus.
Ben peered out of the bus window and watched as the carnival set up its sideshow acts. The only thing more surreal was the idea that Kirk would have hurt Kim. Kirk had claimed to have loved her, and while Ben believed with his entire heart that Kirk had a lot to learn about love, he couldn't have known how morally bankrupt Kirk actually was. Now Kirk was in the hands of the police. Well, that was the word anyway. Robert was near death and Kim had been raped.
This was their little tragedy of errors. This was the place they brought the world when they changed everything. Ben turned and sat down glumly in the plain green bench bus seat as it swung onto the school grounds. He wanted to go to her and tell her how very sorry he was. He had of course, already said it several times. It just didn't seem like enough.
"Raped," he whispered to himself. "Aw God," he breathed. He was sick about it. This was never at all what he had intended. To Ben it didn't matter what Kirk and his buddies had done to him. What mattered was that Ben had put them both here for it to happen at all. The old man had been right about him. Even Kim had not been able to control him. He wanted to die. Ben wouldn't find out until much later that many of the rumors he had heard on the bus were not true. The most important of course was that Kimberly had not actually been raped.
The hallways were abuzz with everything that was the latest news and a lot of crap that wasn't. Ben heard everything from Kirk had found out that Kim was doing table dances at the Golden Lady in Nashville to Kim biting off Kirk's cock while giving him a blowjob. The police presence was strong. They were there as much to find out the truth of what had happened as they were to protect the other students. Not just from each other, but from the media. On two occasions, Ben observed officers escorting reporters and cameramen out of the building in spite of their vehement protests of constitutional freedoms.
As Ben passed the pass-through hallway where the administration offices were, Ben saw Lindsay Rogers being escorted into the office by a uniformed policeman. Ben grinned to himself, Oh yeah, he thought that feels good. He decided he could use a little more sunshine on his shoulders and dared to get closer and see what he could see.
"I know what you told police last night Lindsay, but I need you to repeat it again for these detectives." It was Dean Hall's voice Ben heard.
"Do my parent's know you're questioning me?"
"We've called them. They're on they're way down here now." It came from a voice Ben didn't recognize, probably one of the other cops in there with him. Ben inched closer and worked his way through the crowd until he could see into the office. It was then that Dean Hill saw the crowd gathering at the door and opted to close it.
"That's enough folks, nothing to see." Hill said as he grabbed the door to close it, "You too Ackerman," Hill added with clear disdain.
"Ackerman?" one of the detectives called out. "Hold on, he's on our list."
Hill turned confused, maybe even a little worried, "The only Ackerman we have here is old Abner Ackerman's son, Ben."
"That's him. We talked to Mrs. Glass this morning, she said he's in up to his eyeballs in this. Let him in."
Hill let out an exasperated breath, "Okay, this is going too damn far. Are you going to question every last…"
"Dean Hill, I'll question the fucking Pope if I feel it's relevant to this case. Now, show Mr. Ackerman in or I'll do it myself and remove you from these proceedings." Detective Crantz said. Hill stood there, a disbelieving look on his face for a moment. He then turned and said, "You heard him Ackerman. Get in here."
"We don't have permission to talk to him yet. Someone get his mother on the phone. Don't ask his father if he answers, that son-of…" the detective paused, "I know what he'll say."
"That's alright, I'll tell you whatever you want to know." Ben said happily.
"Okay Ben," the detective agreed, "We still need you're mother's permission to use what you say. But we can take your statement and then go over it with your mom, does that sound like a deal?"
Ben nodded.
Lindsay glared at Ben with a look that said, If you want to see the sun set, you'll keep your fucking mouth shut. Ben suddenly felt that sunsets were completely overrated and planned to the letter what he was going to say to these fine officers.
"Have a seat Mr. Ackerman."
One of them, a large black man with a bald head stuck out his hand and introduced himself. I'm Detective Crantz, this is Detective Blanchard." Ben took the man's hand and gave it a good shake.
"Nice to meet you."
"Likewise," said Crantz with a smile. "You know why we're here?"
"I think so. It's about what these guys did to me and what Kirk did to Kimberly and her brother."
Both detectives raised their eyebrows at Ben's inference to himself. "That's right Ben. We have Kim's side of the story, but we'd like to hear it from you first hand. Have you talked to Kim at all since this happened?"
"No, we don't have a phone. After they were done with me, they made me leave. I didn't get a chance to talk to her at all. Is Kim Okay?"
"She's fine. A little shaken up, but she'll be fine. Her brother is a lot worse off."
"Yeah, I heard. Okay… Where do you want me to start?" Ben asked.
"Well, start at the beginning Ben," Crantz prompted, so he did.
Ben recounted, nearly word for word, the same story Kim had given Detectives the day before at the hospital after the attack, only from a different perspective, his. The officers winced with the grim detail of how Lindsay had snapped Ben's finger out of joint. Ben could even show them that it was still swollen and sore from that encounter.
Lindsay was so frantic at Ben's story he had to be restrained and moved to another room, Dean Hill's office. Ben continued to the point where Kim begged him to leave before something else happened, a part of the story that Kim had left out. One that the detectives found very interesting given the charges that Lindsay and his cohorts were laying at Kim's doorstep.
"They told me Kim had something to do with this." Crantz said.
Ben shook his head, "Who said that?"
"Lindsay Rogers," Dean Hill answered. "He told us that she liked it when Kirk beat people up for her. That she, you know, started things with other students so Kirk would get jealous."
Ben stared in popeyed disbelief, silent and still for nearly a minute. Without warning, he burst into loud, hysterical laughter. "You have got to be fucking kidding me!" he cried out between laughter and breathing. "She's a fucking pixie… She doesn't have a mean bone in her body." Ben doubled over and now couldn't stop laughing.
Hill stood back, blushing deeply, confused and totally unsure of himself now. "I don't understand."
"No shit!" Ben cried still laughing.
"Okay son. There's no need to be foul-"
"Yes there is," Ben stopped the Boys Dean dead in his tracks. "Kim is the victim here. Kim and her brother. It smells to me that someone's trying to wipe their ass after leaving the can."
"That will be enough." Hill bellowed.
"Not even. You are not going to do the same thing to Kim that you've done to me all year, turn a blind eye to what's really going on. You let kids like Kirk bully their way through their years here and dismiss it as 'shit that guys do,' because you used to do it. Let someone useless like me get a little out of line though and it isn't just shit that guys do anymore. I turn your stomach. I don't know why, but the fact is I won't ever be part of the club.
"Kim was, as long as she did as she was told. She crossed an invisible line someplace." Ben continued.
Hill bristled, "Are you suggesting that the faculty…"
"No," Ben interrupted, "I'm not, but you dismissed all the complaints out of hand. You did it because you think guys like Kirk won't do anything really out of line. The little shit is excusable because that's what competition is all about, and you want them to be competitive. You want them to excel at controlling and dominating everyone around them. Because that's what a man does right Dean? These guys are the choice members of society, the fuckers you're grooming to grow up and run things, like you would run them. Bastards like me-" Ben stopped, he was clearly agitated now. "Aw Hell, why am I even bothering."
"This is patently ridiculous," Dean said, "I never encouraged Kirk or anyone else to hurt anyone."
"Your definition of pain is probably a lot different than mine," Ben said, "or of any of the other students you think you know, so how do you know what hurts? Kim has a mind of her own. Kirk didn't like that. When you were told about it, you just didn't believe that Kirk didn't think like the rest of you. There wasn't any real harm in making her see her place in the grand scheme of things was there? I mean, it was probably in her best interest anyway, a talented, beautiful girl like that. A little encouragement to come back to the bosom of the school could only be a good thing, right?" Ben paused looking at Dean Hill who had nothing to say. Ben finished by saying, "Well surprise!"
Hill seemed about to say something, but he had no sooner opened his mouth when Detective Blanchard cut Hill off, "How do you know that Lindsay isn't telling the truth?"
Ben's eyes nearly crossed in confusion. He looked to Dean Hill and gestured with his thumb in the Dean's direction, "Ask around, once some of the kids that have been kicked around realize it's safe, they'll tell you. He doesn't do shit to help the guys the thinks are losers. Shit, you probably won't be able to shut'em up once they get going."
Hill looked embarrassed. He was at a loss for words. "All I know is what I've been told."
"I heard Robert Glass was up here yesterday. I wonder what he told you?" He turned to the detectives, "Did he tell you that? Did he tell you that Kimberly's brother was here to talk to them?"
Hill had not volunteered that juicy nugget. The detectives, however, did know about this as well and were still compiling facts before confronting who they believed to be involved.
From the other room, Ben could hear Lindsay cry out, "That little shit is a fucking liar!"
"Whatever," Ben shrugged. "I'm used to this. There's no conspiracy to erase all the losers in school. Guys like Lindsay in there, guys like Kirk just don't like us. If the school ever admitted shit like this goes on, Hill wouldn't be the only to loose his job. So they tell parent's lies. They've turned me into public enemy number one around here. To listen to it some of the rumors, I've stolen the fucking Space Shuttle and I'm keeping in my sock."
"All I want to do is get my work done. I'm smart. I could make straight A's and get the fuck out of this rat shit town. No one would ever hear from me again. Even that's not good enough for these guys." Ben said pointing to the room where Lindsay was nosily shuffling around in his chair. "I don't expect anyone will be me this time, but I know this…"
Ben got up to everyone's surprise and walked to the door of the room where Lindsay was being detained. One of the uniformed officers was about to step forward and block his path when Ben said, "I only want to talk to him." The officer glanced at the detective who nodded. Ben was allowed to proceed. "Do you think Kirk's going down that road by himself? They caught him you know. I bet no one told you that did they? It's all over school. He's going to fucking sell you out to get anything he can when he figures out how much shit he stepped in. You might want to try to do a little selling yourself before there's nothing left for them to buy." Ben returned emotionlessly to his chair and added for the benefit of the police. "They gave me Valium yesterday after they fucked up my hand. You might want to check his locker."
"YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD ASSERMAN…" cried the outraged football/future convict. Be could hear the chair Lindsay was attached to leaping and crashing to the floor as Lindsay try to get out of it and to Ben.
"Shut UP!" cried one of the officers and slammed the door to Hill's office closed.
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGG," came an anguished cry of instant justice from the other side of that closed door. The sound of it made Ben smile inwardly.
One of the detectives then asked, "Why didn't they want you associating with her Ben?"
"Because," Ben said as a slow, warm, rich smile spread across his face. "She asked me to go to the prom with her. I guess Kirk couldn't handle that."
Ben later implicated Jimmy Slater, and admitted that it had been Jimmy who had actually been the one with the Valium. After a search, the police did not find Valium or any other drugs in Jimmy's locker. They found it in his vehicle in the parking lot. Police found a gym bag with the Valium Kim had witnessed along with about $1,000, street value, of oxymetholone, a common steroid known to the kids as 'A-Bombs'.
Jimmy was isolated from Lindsay. He was confronted with the evidence and the charges, charges that ranged included possession with intent to distribute, armed aggravated assault, battery and, as one officer put it, "a host of other things I'd be more than happy to work late researching," he was faced with a staggering 55 years of non-nigotialable jail time. Jimmy watched his life, his potential and his future get flushed away in a single swipe. His parents arrived an hour later with a criminal lawyer who advised them to give up Kirk and Lindsay and hope for the best. With that, Jimmy was all too eager to turn on his two friends.
Ben was released from questioning, but was warned that a representative from the D.A.'s office would be contacting him. Ben was going to have to testify against Kirk and Lindsay. Jimmy would face his own reduced charges before a judge alone. In the bat of an eyelash Ben had become one of the two most important people to the integrity of Mather's High School. He was more than a witness, he was the poster child for Justice for the school.
The school had quietly tried to ignore allegations Robert Glass had brought against their star quarterback, confident they could handle the situation internally. Dragging their feet, waiting until it became convenient to deal with the problem; the situation had spiraled out of control too quickly. Now Robert was in the hospital. A sixteen year old girl was the victim a vicious attack and attempted rape for confronting what was beginning to look like a coordinated effort at extortion of sorts. Yet another student had been tormented and abused as part of that plan. If the school didn't embrace Ben and Kimberly and their victim status, it was quite possible a few more people might end up with their lives in the trashcan.
Ben was given a four day pass, time to recover and time for the school to make sure that the remaining students, the varsity players mostly, understood that no retributions were to be tried on either Kim or Ben, secretive or otherwise. The three boys involved were done, that was that. All were going to jail, some longer than others, the Dean and Coach Monte had explained. It was possible an investigation for steroid use might follow. Several of the boys had been uncomfortable with talk of an investigation and lawyered up quickly.
It would take about a week for the news media circus to die down to a manageable level. This came too late to matter for anyone, especially Ben.
-*-
Technology it has been said has made all luxuries convenient and convenience accessible to anyone anywhere. But not all convenience is a good thing. This was certainly true when Abner Ackerman, who had retreated to his shabby mountain cabin deep in the Shawnee National Forest turn on his stolen satellite receiver to catch up on the latest events in a seemingly distant world.
It was quiet here. There were no neighbors, no traffic and most importantly no cops. In fact, there was nothing for thousands of square miles. The cabin itself sat on five acres of land that had cost next to nothing. With few modifications, Abner had made it a basic but comfortable place to hide. Nothing happened here, Abs made sure of that. No deals, no drugs (except those Abs brought for personal use), no one came here or was shown the place.
Abs knew it wasn't impossible to find. He would have had to put it on the moon to make that happen. But it was damned hard to see. The canopy of cedar's and pines made visibility from the air hard. The ground was good cover. He'd seen the cabin only once on a satellite image taken during late fall when the hardwoods had dropped their leaf cover. Even then, the branches, pine needles and fallen leaf cover made it difficult to pick out.
This was not a fool-proof spot to hold up, but you could see for miles on his side of the hill where the cabin stood. It would certainly give him a good head start if things heated up and they decided to come looking for him. Abs was not a survivalist, he was a realist. He had killed people, he sold drugs for a living because it was lucrative. The people he'd killed would probably never be missed. The only reason any one would ever want to connect those deaths to him would be to ensure he stayed in prison if someone were to put him there. His land here would give him a sort of Eric Rudolf advantage.
Tonight, approaching inebriation, Abs was bored. He turned on his small television for nothing more than background noise as he sat naked on his balcony and drank from a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Abs began flipping the channels around on his satellite tuner trying to find something that might seem interesting. What he found shook him to his very foundations. As he flipped the channels, he saw, for just a flash in time, something that looked like his son's junior high picture on the Super Station. It was an image he knew well. Susan kept what Abs thought of that pathetically stupid picture taped to the refrigerator. On more than one occasion, Ahs had ripped it off, torn it up and thrown it away, claiming ignorance later. Somehow, that God damned thing kept coming back, brand new and unscathed. He had tried to find her stash of pictures once to get rid of all of them, but she had apparently learned a little about hiding things from living with Abs. Eventually he had given up.
Abs stopped and reversed the channel twice but the image was gone once he had regained the station. What was in its place was the image of a local Baker field reporter named Brick Taylor. Abs recognized him immediately from his reports at home on Channel 2, Baker's News Monster.
His first concern of course was that something had drawn attention to his dealings throughout the southeast. That perhaps his family had taken the leap, ignoring their fear of him and had turned. To date, his enigmatic comings and goings had been enough of a mystery to Susan that she hadn't dared do anything against him for fear of where he might turn up next. She knew full well that the odds of the police getting Abs before he got to Susan, in such a case, was remote. Getting to Ben would be even easer. But had Ben turned? He had frankly never even remotely considered such an idea. His primarily reasoning was because he felt Ben was nothing more than a coward.
The volume on Abs' set was turned down and he wrestled with the aging volume button to hear what could possibly so important as to put Baker, TN on national television. As the volume came up, Abs heard Brick broadcast the name "Benjamin Ackerman."
"God damn it!" Abs growled.
Abs listened as the man Abs called, Dumb as a Brick Taylor released the latest about a story that had badly shaken the tiny mountain town of Baker, Tennessee. "… police say as the story unfolded, the bizarre slant to what had happened simply began to twist in ever stranger directions. What began as police believed was a high school hazing incident soon turned to a tale of blackmail, torture and narcotics. This reporter has learned that Police now believe that a near fatal teenage love triangle developed when one young man, Benjamin Ackerman invited the popular young cheerleader to attend the school's annual prom as his date," the reporter with the ridiculous name of Brick, reported inaccurately.
Abs was astonished. "God damn," he whispered in amazement, drawing upon his depthless vocabulary once more to find yet another profound expression to vent his feelings.
"The trouble is said to have begun," the reporter continued, "when Miss Glass rejected an offer by the school's star quarterback and alleged attacker, Kirk Oswalter. She then did what some students are saying, is the unthinkable. She accepted Mr. Ackerman's invitation. Authorities now believe that Mr. Oswalter enlisted the help of two of his friends on the team to intimidate Miss Glass into accepting Mr. Oswatler's original proposal by drugging and beating Ben Ackerman. This is believed to have been a sort of extortion to gain the young lady's capitulation. It was Ackerman who came forward after the attack and revealed the details of the blackmail and information which led to additional charges of drug possession for at least one boy with possibly more charges to follow."
"Kirk Oswalter came to the attention of football aficionados when he led his team to victory over the undefeated Smithtown Hornets last autumn to win his first State Championship title…"
Abs sat down hard. His head was spinning, Ben turned in a guy dealing… Ben went to the cops. … resulted in charges of possession… Jesus Christ! How much does Ben really know about me?
The reporter continued with his story in the background. His local manner and naïve approach to news reporting becoming even more evident as he did. Dangerously, in the interest of sensationalism Brick Taylor planted a seed in Abner's brain whose roots would soon dominate The Hog's very being.
"Ben Ackerman is the son of one of Central Tennessee's most notorious alleged motorcycle riding crime figures, Abner Ackerman. Dubbed The Greased Hog by local police for his uncanny ability to slip free of charges brought against him for his alleged crimes. With this development, however, this reporter has to wonder how much cooperation the Hog's son will be giving police and how much longer Abner will be able to elude responsibility for the various charges that police have leveled at him in the past."
Abs thought about the implications of Ben dealing one on one with the Baker Police. Even in what seemed to be an event unrelated to anything that Abs had done, how long would it be before the police began to try to prime that pump too? Abs reckoned, probably not that long. Ben was as good a witness as they had ever had. Now they had a reason to come and talk to him. Probable cause went a long way in the U.S. Court system these days, as well Abner knew.
Was it possible this was ploy to smoke him out? To get Abs to reveal where he was? If it was, then they had all they wanted on him already and were ready to take him down. Abs dismissed that paranoid idea out of hand however. That would have had to have been a pretty elaborate ploy, staging a fake attack, getting it on the news and then hope Abs would be drawn in.
Abner finally concluded news of the attack was genuine. Only a Baker news crew would release the names of minor victims in such a crime. Everyone in Baker knew everyone else. A blunder like that wouldn't have even raised eyebrows in Baker. The tape itself had probably been lent to CNN or something and aired before reviewing it. Why would they have needed to? The ethics of the news media were probably pretty standard everywhere. Everywhere except small mountain towns where there were no secrets. Had it not been for that one spectacular blunder, Abs might not have ever known his son was cooperating with the police. Overall, for Abs, a pretty lucky break. But what now?
"Gonna have to think about this one…" he grabbed the open bottle of Jack and downed a rather large draw from the bottle. Abs chuckled to himself in spite of the implications. "Gotta hand it to him though, the little fucker finally grew one fuck of a set of balls. Deep sixed the entire athletic program. Little bastard fucked over a whole school… of… jocks."
"Hey now…" Abs said slowly considering his last thought. "Bet old Benny boy has pissed off a whole lot of jock fuckers down there in Baker." He downed the rest of his the Jack in a single pull of the bottle. "And Tommy's daughter's a cheerleader to boot. Bet that really chapped a few asses." Abs laughed out loud, long and strong. "Sound's like sumpin' I'd do."
His brain began to work overtime now. Through the whiskey fog that was thickening by the minute, Abs wondered briefly, "I wonder if old Tommy is back in town from California?" He had never had an issue with any of Tom's children. It was Tom that had crossed him so many years ago. Never mind that Abs had actually pulled down his daughters drawers to get a better look see, maybe a little more since no one was looking. But Tom hadn't even stopped to listen. He had proceeded to shove his fist into Abner's eyeball, separating this cornea and damn near causing him to go blind in that eye.
Ever since, Abs dreamed of the day he would run back into his old school buddy and even the score.
"Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone." He got up, distracted, fetched a fresh bottle and cracked the seal. "Bright iders just keep poppin' into my head…" he chuckled. Abs sat and listened to the birds as the sun crept toward the west. It got dark earlier around here, the mountains blocked the sun as it set. He liked the night. It offered good cover, even when people knew who you were. Night offered so much potential, so much power, how could anyone not like it?
His fledging plan "ider" as he referred to it depended on a number of things all falling into place. Each of those things independently were long-shots. Together, well, it suffices to say that Christmas would come early if these events all melded into a smooth seamless plan. If it if didn't happen, it really didn't matter much. The risk that Ben posed would still have to be dealt with. The fact of the matter was that if Ben wasn't makin hay today, he would one day soon enough. It was time to deal with his family, take his hard earned money and setup camp someplace else. Mexico maybe, or Argentina.
-*-
"Yoo-hoo?" the voice was still as soft and sweet as the last time she had heard it. That had been during better times and years had passed since, many unfortunate years. Cindy lept to her feet and turned. "Susan!" Cindy squealed and dashed the short distance to hug her long lost friend. "Thank you for coming."
"I've made excuses for too long I guess. I couldn't excuse this one away." Susan said a bit ashamed. She shoved a casserole dish into her friend's hands, "John Wayne's favorite," she said with a beaming smile. Cindy remembered this dish, several layers of cheese and chilies and onions baked into toasty cheese bars. It was mouth watering and the aroma was already leaking past the foil covered top, filling the room with cheesy delightful richness. "I knew Robert loves it."
Cindy did her best to smile past the pain. "You may have to give me the recipe," she said setting the casserole down on a small, nearby table. "I don't he'll be back in time to help with this one." Cindy turned to the glass separating the two rooms. For the first time Susan was able to see the horrific damaged Kirk Oswalter had done to Cindy's first born.
"Jesus, Cindy." Her hand went to her mouth and tears filled her eyes as Susan slowly drifted toward the window, trance like. Twenty four hours had only made Robert's condition look that much worse. Now, Wednesday night, a full week after Ben and Tim had first encountered the Wizard and his damnable mask, the town of 4,000 known as Baker, TN was in shock. Six of their teens were at the center of a regional controversy that was slowly becoming part of the hot national discussion on school security.
As Susan drifted in the room, Ben who had been standing in the hall behind her, followed her in. "Hello Ben." Cindy said. Her voice was tinged with regret.
"Hello Mrs. Glass," Ben said affably. He glanced through the window sadly at Robert, bruised, black and angry and winced. "I'm sorry about all this."
Cindy touched his shoulder and compassionately let her hand find his. "It's not your fault Ben. Kim's having a hard time believing it's not her fault either. She needs a friend to talk to. I'm glad you came." Ben seemed overcome with grief. His eyes watered constantly. They had been bloodshot since Saturday and his hand shook uncontrollably.
"She Okay?" Ben asked.
"She's surprisingly good," Cindy said.
"Oh good," Susan said relieved.
"I keep expecting her to fall apart, have a nervous break down or something. I just can't imagine being alone in that house with that monster and walking away from it with your sanity intact." Cindy admitted. She turned back to Ben, "She should be right back. She went down the hall for a sec…"
"Ben!" cried Kim happily from somewhere behind the Ackerman's.
"…Oh, here she is." Cindy finished.
Ben turned gratefully to see her bright smiling face standing in the doorway of the ICU pod. She flew the four feet or so into his arms. Ben expelled an audible grunt from the force of the impact followed by Kim nearly squeezing the life right out of his skinny body.
To Ben, she smelled like anything and everything wonderful he had ever smelled. The softness of her body the velvety quality of her hair caused his nerve endings to overload. He had to fight his body to keep an erection from occurring in this most inappropriate company. He gave her one more enthusiastic squeeze and released her before he lost control of his body. Bashfully, he said, "I never got to say thanks…"
Kim offered a bashful smile. She knew exactly what Ben was talking about, the afternoon in the gym. Her smile was mingled with something Ben thought looked a bit like surprise as well, "You would have done the same thing for me," she assured him, only he hadn't. The self realization hurt him more than he could have expressed.
"I didn't though," Ben said trying to put it in words. "I should have let him kill me."
"Don't ever say that!" Kim said, her eyes flashing angrily.
"Yes Ben," Cindy agreed. "Kim's right. I don't think there was anything else anyone could have done."
Before the conversation could go further, Kim asked, "Can I have some money Mom? Ben and I want to get something to eat down stairs."
"Kimberly," Cindy said warily, preparing to site her rule of no boy's unescorted when her eyes flicked from Susan to Ben and she stopped. Magically, she produced a ten and a twenty dollar bill from her clutch on the chair and handed it to Kim. "Thanks Mom," Kim said cheerfully. She took Ben by the hand, "Come on," and led him out of the room.
Susan watched them go, "They're growing up."
"God help me," Cindy pleaded, "I guess they are."
-*-
It was hard for Kim to reconcile the paradox of time and self. Though she could remember being Tim, that life seemed almost as distant to her now, as her present life had seemed alien just a few hours ago. It was a far cry from the days when Tim felt it would be in both their interests if the to friends began to walk in different directions together. So much had happened in those few short days. Kim had not had much of a chance to tell Ben anything. She had not even discussed her visit with the Wizard with him yet.
Kim worried about exactly how Ben was going to react with some of this news, particularly the idea that Kim's father was miraculously back from the dead. He had not, in fact died at all. But Kim was sure that to Ben it would feel that way, much as it had when she had first seen him.
Even Kim was not completely comfortable with saying, "I'm never going back, I can't," or words to that effect. Robert's future still lay at Kim's doorstep. For that matter, so did Ben's. Did she have the right to set the course of their future, to insist that they remain now, as they are for the sake of one man's life?
Robert wouldn't know the difference. For him this was the only true reality. For Ben on the other hand, he would be painfully aware for the rest of his life that she had denied him something that had been better on a daily basis than what she was going to force him to settle with. Inside her heart, a moral dilemma began. Right now, it was not much more than a peasant uprising, unsophisticated in its nature. In time however, this minor revolt in her heart would spread becoming a full-scale war with herself. It would threaten to rip her sanity from her grasp and cast doubt on all the decisions she would have to make.
For now, there were only her misgivings about how Ben might take the news and her excitement to see someone she could actually talk to without being limited by the masks magic.
She dragged him down the hall toward the elevators making very small talk along the way. She gave Ben no opportunity to answer or contribute, she just rattled away about this thing and that incessantly. Ben soon remembered that this is how she gets when she became excitedly nervous. About what, however Ben could not begin to guess.
They only just missed Tom Glass by mere moments, passing him in the elevator on their way down to the cafeteria. A sight such as that without preparation, might have sent poor Ben running for the nearest exit. Fortunately, it was still Kim's news to break to Ben. He would be allowed to keep his grip on reality for the moment.
Once in the cafeteria, Kim and Ben wound their way around the sad faced visitors who presumably had loved ones or friends here someplace within the hospital's walls. All of them were taking a break from grief to refuel and try to enjoy a measure of peace. Kim piled a tray with fried chicken, a cheeseburger, fries, peaches and cottage cheese and a milk shake. The gesture was meant to stab at the heart of one of Ben's biggest worries. A bribe that she felt might act as a good impulse gesture of good faith. Frankly, it was all she had to bargain with.
Carrying the food, Ben was already suspicious of her behavior. The mountain of food, while attractive to Ben's empty stomach, was also something that sent up more than just one distress flare in his mind. The total came to $15.22. Kim nearly skipped to a near by table with their feast and the change.
Once there, she handed Ben the change plus twenty dollars of her own money. "Take this," she said. "Hide it for when you need it."
It was Ben's turn to try to stifle the tears. Only, these tears were not tears of gratitude. These burned like acid as he held them back. "No Kim." He said pushing the money back into her hand, "I can't." Kim could not see the embarrassment in his eyes, Ben hid it well from her.
"Yes you can Ben," insisted Kim. "Now, don't make me feel bad about this. Just take it." Ben finally shoved it deep into the pockets of his grimy jeans to prevent the discussion from continuing. "Here," Kim offered and shoved the tray of food across to Ben.
"I can't eat all this," Ben said looking at the tray of greasy food. "What are you up to Kim?"
"Me?" Kim said sounding a little too innocent, smiling. "Go on. From now on, you and I are going to try to put things right again." Ben sat. He picked up a fry and eyed it before popping it into his mouth. It wasn't long before hunger began to rule the moment.
"What do you mean, put things right?" he mumbled around a couple of more fries. "You gonna hire a hit man to whack my Dad?" Then Ben remembered that Kim was going to go talk to that old fuck that had given them the mask and Ben's eyes lit up, "You talked to him-"
"Yep." Kim said proudly. "And you were right, it's stuck. You can't take it off."
Ben slumped down in his chair, "Oh…" Ben said broken hearted. "I'm sorry."
Kim stopped him by putting her hand up. "That's not the end."
"Huh?" Ben asked perking up.
"Eat, I'll talk." Ben nodded and picked up the cheeseburger. Kim watched smiling. She took a fast inventory of what she'd chosen for him to eat and scowled, "Hum…"
"Wath?" Ben asked around yet another mouthful of burger and bun.
"I think next time, a few more vegetables might be in order." Ben happily held up a few fries, "Brussels sprouts," she said seriously.
"Thanks Mom, you picked the stuff out." Ben said sarcastically.
"Eat," Kim insisted pointing to his food. "Okay, Maurice said," Ben questioned the unknown name with a confused look, "That's his name, Maurice. Anyway, he said that when I promised to got the prom with you, the mask got locked on. There's no way to get it off, unless… I fulfill that promise I made to you." Ben listened intently. He's in fact gathering mode. Kim noted. There was no affect in his face. She had switched on the old Ben somehow.
"So I have to take you to the prom." Ben said distractedly.
"No Ben." Kim informed him sadly. "If I wanted the mask off then I'd have to go to the prom with you. I don't think I can let that happen."
The cheeseburger he had just picked up slowly fell away from Ben's hand. "What you do mean? We're not going back?"
Kim took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "My father is still alive." Ben understood the implications immediately. "You see, I don't think we were meant to go back. This thing has been conspiring to keep us here, like this, since we slipped into these lives. The stakes keep getting higher and higher Ben."
"But…" Ben began to protest.
"I can't pay that kind of price. Hell Ben, I thought when Bobby got hurt I could make it all right again. I mean, first the mask got stuck, then Kirk wanted to make me some sort of slave, then Bobby…" Kim flashed angrily for a moment. "I wanted to go home. I still want to. I never wanted to be a girl. But this… Ben. I can't do that to him. He's my Dad."
Ben's face flushed and Kim thought for a moment that he was angry with her. Before, as a guy, Tim would have become angry right back in defense of his own emotions. Now, Kim could see yet another mile marker of her transformation. She didn't want Ben to be angry with her for this. He wanted him to understand. He wanted him to be happy for her. This seemed almost as important to her as her father still being alive.
Ben surprised her when he smiled a warm, inviting smile. "I'm glad Kim." Kim's hands were folded on the table before her. Ben wiped his and then reached out and took them, squeezing them gently. "You don't have to worry about me trying to change your mind. I'd do anything you asked me to do."
Kim looked up at the ceiling of the cafeteria. She had to pull her hands away and use them to cover her mouth. Ben watched her, proud of himself for holding back the anger at her selfishness. He didn't want to hurt her and the joy she had found in getting her father back. Even for Tim, that had been a devastating blow. Somehow Ben would figure out how to get around his father, to live the life of the unwanted. He was not the only one out there who had been pushed to the back burner of everyone else's priorities. Someone had benefited from his mistake this time. Someone had come out on top. More importantly, it was someone he cared deeply about.
Ben discovered something else. He found he didn't love Kim the way he thought he had. She was a friend, not much more, surprisingly becoming less by the day. Who was to say how he would feel about her next year. She was becoming self absorbed, deep in his recollection he knew that Kim Glass could be like that. Tim and Kim were indeed very different people. Still, he was able to find genuine happiness in his heart for her. She was beautiful when she was happy and it was a feast for his tired eyes to see her so joyful.
Still, the news had somehow soured his appetite. The idea of being here, permanently with Abs turned his gut. He fought not to let his fear and hate for his father show and spoil her moment.
"Thank you Ben," Kim said, her voice cracking into a high pitched squeal. "Thank you…" She laughed with relief, "I thought…"
"What?"
"I don't know. I just thought you'd be so mad at me."
Ben shook his head, "I'm sorry you'd think that. I must have been a really rotten friend." Now Kim could not speak. She could only shake her head and grope for his hands. "Don't cry," Ben begged. "It'll be Okay. I promise. You've got your Dad back. That's such a great thing."
Kim nodded, her face gratefully pinched, her mouth smiling, her eyes turned down in that crying sort of happy tears thing girls do. God, she's going to be a fucking knockout. I hope we're still friends by then.
"Here," Ben handed her a napkin and Kim dried her sodden eyes with it.
Kim squeaked, "Thanks." Soon however it became apparent she was overcome with emotion. As much as she fought to maintain control, she simply was not going to be able to hide the relief, the happiness and the feeling that something she really needed from him had been given so freely to her. "Oh," soon she was flailing her hands trying to fight it back but losing that battle. "Excuse me," she said and fled the table in the direction of the ladies room.
When he felt it was safe, Ben allowed his façade to drop. What replaced it was as stark as the surface of Mars. Ben began to breathe heavily, nearly hyperventilating. The color of his face changed from an almost normal flesh tone to ashen. His eyes sunk in noticeably and a few sitting around him figured him for a patient that had suddenly taken a turn for the worse. Looking around, Ben got up looking for an escape route. He would not be able to wait for her at the table. Hopefully he would be able to recover before she found him. He did not want to spoil the atmosphere he had helped her create. Fresh air… something… anything… just don't let her see how afraid you are!
Standing, Ben felt certain he would pass right out. He'd be here, face down in a pile of fries when she got back. No, that will never do… GET OUT NOW!
Ben's feet followed the order to move and a moment later, he crashed through an exterior door into a shaded parking area. Immediately, he began to feel better. Not great, but better. Ben moved out into the fading Wednesday sun near a side street and sat on a crosstie wall. There he recovered his breath and nearly all his color. Just in time too as Kim came calling for him, poking her head out the door and calling his name.
"Over here," Ben cried out.
Kim bounced happily over to where he sat. "Whacha doing out here? Your food's gettin' cold."
"I needed a little air. Hospital's give me the heebie-jeebies," Ben said using a convenient excuse. It wasn't quite a lie. Ben, like Kim had seen his fair share of hospitals in his lifetime. Not quite for the same reasons, most of Ben's visits had not included aftercare. His visits were limited to emergency room and trauma.
"Can I sit here?" Kim asked looking at the empty space on the crosstie wall beside Ben. Ben nodded and was happily surprised when she sat hip to hip with him. "There, that's cozy," Kim smiled.
"Hum." Ben agreed, finding that sometimes words were not necessary.
"Ben," she began, "I know you must be surprised. Probably a little frightened too, right?" Ben shrugged. "We'll always be friends Ben. I'll help you out. I'll help you get out." Kim didn't have to elaborate.
"I don't think you can help me there Kim," Ben answered. "I can't leave my mother there."
"But Ben, don't you think she'd want…"
"Kim," Ben said in a very level, mature tone. "No. Thank you, but no. Here or there, this life, or that oth…" Ben exhaled giving up. "She's sacrificed everything she might have had for herself to give it to me. I will not leave her on her own."
"Then money… I can get…" Kim counter offered.
"He'll find it Kim. He'll find it and take it and drink it all up. Then he'll beat her for giving it to me or he'll beat me up for taking it. He won't care which way it is. He won't care if he's wrong. It'll all be for nothing.
It was Kim's turn to protest, "But…"
"We'll be fine," Ben assured her tenderly. "We've made it this far together. We'll be fine where ever we end up. All I want is to make sure we stay friends."
"I feel like you have to get something out of this deal." Kim cried desperately. "I'm walking away with everything"
"You should," Ben agreed. "I think its fare you get everything. I took so much from you. I made you put the mask on. I changed you into a girl! Now you're going to have to stay like this… You should get something really nice for all that. I'd give it to you myself if I could. I just don't have anything like that you want. So this is fair. What I want now is for you to be as happy as you want to be."
Kim listened calmly. Her face expressed nothing but soft repose as she waited patiently for Ben to finish. Ben was nearly swept away in the color of her eyes. A soft, warm breeze tugged gently at her platinum hair, carrying with it the gentle fragrance of her perfume. That breeze caressed his face, teased his nose with the endless fantasy of what the future might bring for the lucky man who captured the heart of this girl. Her hair swirled, animating her face as she sat smiling at him with her soft skin and her seamless beauty. There was nothing left of the boy he had once known. In his place was this perfect being, tender and loving in her presence, perhaps a bit selfish in a childish way, but what would such a beautiful woman as this be without her child like ways? She was almost perfect. For a fleeting moment, Ben could almost understand Kirk's animal obsession with her.
Ben looked away for a moment, sad that she could not be his. This was not a question of self-loathing or low self-esteem. He didn't love her. Kim would not love him. She could not BE in love with him. Love was an impenetrable wall between them that could not be breeched. He did not know why this was and it made him angry.
What he did know is that with the memory of all the distrust, all the distaste and hate handed to him like so much rancid meat for his emotional meal each day, he wanted something genuine. He wanted it to be real, to be, as the Wizard himself had put it, magical. It did exist! Love for him must exist somewhere out there for him as well. Someone that would actually care about him, someone he could give that back to in grand bouquets of affection.
I'll be damned, Ben thought amused, that old fucker was right.
Soon he was able to shake the feeling of loss. The thing he thought he wanted and found he would never be happy with. This girl named Kim. He shrugged it off the way a child might shake the disappointment of losing a new penny. The dissatisfaction gave way to the resignation of fact and it was soon forgotten. When he turned to face her, she was still smiling at him. His look away had been no more alarming to her than that of a man seeking to put his thoughts in order before speaking. So he did, "Kim, you can't spend time now trying to make my life right. Be my friend. I think I can handle the rest."
Kim lurched backward to gain perspective on who and what she was observing. Her look was one of curious regard, "You've changed," Kim said smiling.
"So have you," Ben replied and Kim barked an unexpected laugh. "Come on. I'm sure you're Mom is wondering where you are." He took her hand and began to stand. Kim however pulled him back down beside her.
"I want to do something," she told him. Her face was serious but still in that soft focus.
"What?" Ben asked warily, his left eyebrow cocked suspiciously high over his eye.
"Just shut up and come here." Kim said and pulled him close. Before he could, cough, shit or go blind, Kim had her lips pressed tightly to his, her face turned at just a slight angle. He watched, sockeyed at close quarters, as Kim's eyes fluttered shut and her head undulated softly to some unheard rhythm. Instinctively his hand found the back of her neck. When he drew her in he could hear her inhale deeply, sharply in the passion of the moment. It was the first kiss of Ben's life, the first real kiss. It was also the first voluntary kiss Kim had given since her change. Both however seemed to dance through this as though their young lives had been filled with the benefit of years of practice.
When they parted, Ben followed her as she backed away to a point where he almost toppled right off the crosstie wall onto the sidewalk underfoot. When he opened his eyes Kim was there, smiling. The rouge of blush rising deeply on her cheeks, made even brighter by her pale complexion. "I just wanted to say thanks in a way that really said it, you know, for being understanding." she said laying her hand over his.
Ben swallowed, the ghost of an Adam's apple working up and down in his neck, "Well" he croaked, "you're welcome." It was right about then they noticed Tom Glass standing on the sidewalk not far away. He was grinning to himself, trying not to look intrusive.
"Daddy?"
"Oh," Tom exclaimed, pretending to be startled. "Kimmy, there you are…"
"How long have you been there?" she asked suspiciously.
Tom smiled softly, "Long enough. Hey Ben," he said extending his hand as he approached. "Long time no see. How are ya?"
Ben took Tom's firm grip in his own and shook vigorously. "I'm good, thanks to Kim."
"I heard. My Princess is quite the hero. You didn't do too badly yourself coming forward and rescuing her from suspicion. Thank you Ben."
This news was a surprise, something Cindy had not shared with Kim. "What's this?"
Ben looked down at his hands, "It's nothing really," he said. "Lindsay tried to make it look like you got off on making Kirk jealous. I just told them what really happened, that's all."
"Well," Tom said gratefully, "It may seem like only the truth. But I've known a lot of people that would have done nothing in the same place. Thank you Ben." Ben only smiled a humble smile in return.
"So," Tom changed the subject. "I hear you two are going to your first prom together. That's excellent!"
"Ah actually," Ben said. "I think that under the circumstances it might be best if Kim could be free to be with her brother." Kim was floored. Ben was taking the responsibility for canceling their date. It was a date wasn't it. After today, it was officially a date, and you spoiled it for him.
"Well, there's still time. A few hours out of one night" Tom began.
"I'm sure her heart isn't in it right now. I mean, it's been a pretty devastating two days. It's not a problem."
"Kim?" Tom asked.
Now she felt guilty, why didn't she want to go, really? All she had to do was simply not let Ben take the mask off afterward. She could stay as long as she wanted couldn't she? Could Ben force her to take it off if she didn't want that? Would he try such a thing? She didn't think so. So what was she afraid of?
"I suppose we could…" she said skeptically.
"See!" Tom said happily.
Holy shit! Kim thought, He genuinely likes Ben! This is wonderful! Things felt different suddenly, not so off kilter. Before the world seemed to have been spinning off its axis, wobbling though it's orbit. Had fluidity been restored?
Why don't you just sleep with him? He can't do that if he takes the mask off, once he it's done he won't be able to ever again.
Kim dismissed the aberrant idea. She couldn't just sleep with him, could she?
Ben squashed the idea though and Kim couldn't understand why. "No I think it's probably best that we don't plan to do that. Kim's had a pretty bad experience. I don't want to do anything make things more complicated."
"Don't I get a say-"
"No," Ben said as gently as he could, cutting off her thought. "I don't think you do this time. It's like we said, everything will be just fine."
Both Tom and Kim seemed a bit put off that Ben would simply reject the possibility of going out of hand the way he had. Tom however said nothing, not completely surprised by Ben;s gentle reaction. He had not been coarse about it, or mean. Tom was sure that somewhere inside of him, Ben was also a little hurt. But he seemed to have Kim's best interest at heart, and that comforted him.
The Ben he had known before moving away had always been a thoughtful, shy but friendly lad. Tom had liked him and had done his best to include him in family outings when possible. Abs had made that difficult. Conversations with Cindy in the past had revealed little about the man Ben had become. Cindy and Susan had slowly drifted apart after that awful incident in their front yard when the kids had been so small. He had supposed there had not been much news about Ben afterward, and Tom had never asked.
Ben seemed to have grown in to just as thoughtful of a man in spite of his father and Tom was glad to see that Kim and Ben were still friends and still watching each other's backs.
The three of them walked together back to Robert's room where they found Susan and Cindy chattering away about this and that. They both turned when the three came back in and smiled. "There you are." Cindy said. "I thought you'd all gone on vacation. together."
"Nope," Tom said, "safari."
"Very funny," Cindy scolded. Tom looked at the kids and simply shrugged. Cindy noticed that Kim seemed a bit out of sorts, looking a little sad. "Everything Okay?"
It was Tom who answered the question. "Well," he began, "It seems that given the gravity of things, the kids have decided to forego the dance this year."
"So you two talked about this already?" Cindy now seemed confused.
"Down stairs when we were eating." Ben said, "Oh, by the way, here's your change." Ben fished around and pulled the remaining change, and Kim's twenty. "She went and got a table while I got the food. Thank you." Ben dumped the money in Cindy's hand and added, "I think that twenty belongs to Kim."
Kim narrowed her eyes at Ben for exposing her deceit. Ben grinned lightly to himself but only spared a glance at Kimberly. The day was ending. Ben had somehow emerged the moral victor from the struggle between two egos. Kim, in spite of everything she thought she'd gained, now had another life on her hands. How had that happened? Ben was still at the center of everything they did together, only this time he had managed to become the selfless victim, the martyr and Kim wasn't even sure it was deliberate. He seemed to accept his plight happily for the sake of her happiness exclusively. Kim felt ashamed.
The atmosphere for Kim was taking on a finality that she didn't like. If someone had asked her, she might have said it felt as though a door was closing. Suddenly, Kim felt she had to put her foot in that door before it swung completely shut. She was certain that if she turned her back on it and let is slam shut, she would never be able to open it again.
Susan sighed, "We should probably think about going home."
Cindy smiled warmly at her old friend, "Thank you for coming down here…"
As the two friends embraced and exchanged farewells, Kim tugged Ben's shirt to get his attention. "Come with me," Kim said softly but firmly, her teeth mashed together. Taking Ben's hand she practically dragged him from the room. Once in the hall way she hissed, "What are you doing?" she demanded.
"We were leaving," Ben pointed out, turning toward the open door to Robert's pod. "I think Mom wants-"
"That's not what I'm talking about. Why did you give the money back?"
"I thought we talked about that," Ben maintained a even tone. "I never had any intention of keeping that. I put it in my pocket so you'd think I was. I could tell you weren't going to let it go."
"I still want to help Ben." Kim admitted shamefaced.
"You can't." The finality of his words bit hard in her emotions leaving a deep and vicious impression. "I appreciate that you want to. Believe me, that really means to world to me. The fact is, it could just make things worse. We'll cruise along like we are. It'll be Okay."
Kim sighed. "We can still go to the dance Ben. I guess I acted a little hasty. I just wanted to make sure… You know, that nothing happened."
Ben only nodded
"It's like Dad said, it's just for a couple of hours." Inside a name floated to the surface of her pool of thoughts. Judas… The sound of the name moaned hauntingly in her mind's ear, casting a frost upon her heart. She could almost hear the sound of thirty pieces of sliver chime musically as they bounced off the floor.
He regarded her for a moment. He then smiled cheerfully, "It's Okay Kim. There's too much pressure on you now as it is. I appreciate it. I know how hard it must be to swallow your pride and tell me you really want to go."
"No, Ben… You don't understand."
"I do though. I'm not hurt Kim. Look around you. I can see how totally weird things have gotten."
"Ben, God damn it! Just stop talking for a minute--"
Cindy walked out the observation pod, "Ready Ben."
"Yep, think so." He turned to Kim and opened his arms. "Take care."
Kim stood there, not moving for a minute. She was so mad at him then and there she felt the impulse to reach out and punch him. Instead, she assumed an awkward pose, hips jutted to the just left, her upper torso slightly to the right, hands askew, her body begging for an answer to the wordless question, Why are you doing this?
Just as Ben was about to give up Kim moved into his embrace, afraid that if the rejected this too, she might never see him again. "I hope Robert get's better soon."
"Ben…" she whispered. But Ben had released her from his arms.
"I gotta go." He surprised her by taking her left hand, raising it to his lips and kissing it. Then he was gone, down the hall around the corner with his mother before Kim could react.
"I'm sorry Ben," she whispered to an empty hallway.
Now something more than just guilt began to creep in. That feeling that the world has once again slipped out of fluidity was back. She could almost felt the Earth's uneven warbling beneath her feet. Perhaps it was just her imagination, but somehow, she didn't think so.
