“Come on, hurry up!” Katie urges Sarah, Lauren and myself as we stand in front of her long mirror, fixing our make-up.

“Oh relax,” Sarah laughs. “It’s not like the night’s going anywhere…”

“Says the woman who’s been eighteen for six months!” Lauren retorts as she applies yet another layer of dark eye shadow. “Some of us have some catching up to do!” I laugh at my three friends as I enhance my own make-up with my thickest, heaviest false eyelashes and deepest red lipstick, smiling at the extremely sexy-looking woman staring back at me in the mirror- especially when she steps back to reveal her cleavage-enhancing black clubbing dress that barely covers her soft, round backside and shows off every inch of her smooth, shiny legs- apart from her feet, which are covered by sky-high stiletto heels. After brushing out my hair to its maximum volume and touching up my lipstick one last time, I grab a shiny pink sash off of Katie’s bed and drape it over Lauren’s shoulders, much to the dark-haired girl’s embarrassment.

“Oh come on,” Lauren sighs. “’18 today?’ It was my birthday ten days ago!”

“Yes,” Katie says, “but this is your first official girls’ night out as an eighteen year old, and that means you wear the sash!”

“FINE,” Lauren laughs, striking a pose as the three of us photograph her for our Instagram accounts.

“It’s so cool that all of us are finally eighteen,” Katie says, leading us downstairs to our waiting taxi. And whilst I agree in part with Katie, I can’t help but notice that she’s forgotten someone.

Even though she’s the oldest-looking- and by far the oldest-acting- of us, Dannii is- or rather, was- the youngest, her birthday still almost a month away. Not that any of my friends care, of course- even Lauren, her former best friend, barely has anything to do with her anymore. The only time we even see Dannii nowadays is when we’re doing ‘Teen Angel’ work, and even that’s few and far between, just the odd photoshoot here and there, certainly no TV work, not even on children’s TV- though with the summer holidays looming, we have been promised a bit more work before Sarah, Katie and Lauren start university next September and effectively bring the ‘Teen Angels’ to an end.

The four of us party long and hard all night, eventually leaving our last club just before 2am, very much the worse for wear for all the alcohol we consume- especially Lauren, who seems determined to make up for the six month age difference she mentioned earlier in a single night and is barely able to stand as we bundle ourselves in the back of a taxi.

“This was so awesome,” Lauren laughs in a barely coherent voice. “You guys are so awesome!”

“YOU’RE awesome!” Sarah drunkenly laughs, giving Lauren a tight hug.

“Careful, you’ll make Nikki jealous!” Katie laughs. Giggling loudly, Sarah releases Lauren and wraps me in a tight embrace, including a long, deep kiss- much to our friends’ delight and the taxi driver’s bemusement!

Both Sarah and I are wobbling and shaking as we quietly step through my front door just after 2:30am, slipping off our tall, heavy shoes so as not to wake my baby sister as we pad upstairs to my bedroom, where we collapse together on my bed, quickly falling into a deep sleep.

“Hey Nikki!” Sarah yells, running up behind me. “Come on, we’re going to be late!” Sarah takes my hand and leads me down the light corridor, looking truly beautiful in her tight, silver-coloured one-piece swimsuit. I have to constantly unpick a wedgie from my own lilac-coloured one-piece swimsuit, but I have a smile on my face nonetheless. However, as we approach the packed swimming pool, something just feels… Wrong.

“Where- where’s the church?” I ask.

“What church?” Sarah laughs as she grabs my hand again, stripping the sparkling engagement ring from my finger, which clatters to the floor. Despite Sarah’s efforts to pull me toward the pool, I crouch down and try to retrieve the ring, only for it to slip from my fingers every time I think I’ve got a clean grip on it.

“Leave. It,” Sarah says firmly as she pulls me backwards, causing me to fall over…

I gasp as I open my eyes, shielding them against the warmth of the early morning sun streaming through my curtains. Next to me, Sarah is still asleep, her beautiful teardrop-shaped face smiling as she lets out the occasional soft snore. I lay back on my bed and close my eyes again, awaiting the inevitable pain that will come from the inevitable hangover, but as I turn my head to stare at Sarah, even that doesn’t seem so bad. Sarah’s smile is far better and more effective than any painkiller.

Sarah herself wakes up a short while later, moaning softly as her own hangover slowly takes hold.

“Mmph,” Sarah grunts. “Goddddd… WHY so much alcohol last night?”

“Morning, beautiful,” I say, kissing Sarah on her smudged lips.

“Morning,” Sarah whispers, smiling her beautiful smile at me. “You know what day today is, right?”

“How can I forget?” I ask, kissing Sarah once again before getting up and staring at my naked body in the mirror. Exactly two years ago today I did the exact same thing, before pulling on my school uniform for the very last time. That night, when I went to bed, my life had completely changed- and for the better.

“May 16th,” I whisper happily as Sarah cuddles me from behind.

“Happy birthday!” Mum and dad yell as Sarah and I pad downstairs in our matching pink dressing gowns.

“It’s not my birthday!” I giggle. Despite my protests, I’m handed a large, pink card- which reads ‘to a special daughter on her second birthday’- and a tiny chocolate cupcake, in the top of which is a candle in the shape of the number ‘2’.

“Happy ‘Nikki day’ then!” Mum laughs, giving me a tight hug. “Can’t believe it’s already been two years…”

“The best two years of my life,” I say, linking hands with Sarah in our secret ‘girl love forever’ sign.

“I’m glad to hear it,” dad says with a warm smile. “You’ve changed so much in the last two years, and I don’t just mean in the obvious ways!” I roll my eyes, and mum gives dad a whack with a newspaper as dad mimes cupping his chest.

“But really,” dad continues. “When you were, well, ‘Nick’, you were a directionless, often miserable schoolboy. Becoming ‘Nikki’… It’s clearly the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“Joint best,” I say, squeezing Sarah’s hand again. I can’t help but notice my parents’ facial expressions change as my soulmate smiles at me- and it’s easy to understand why, even if I don’t agree with their apprehension.

I have now been eighteen years old, and a legal adult, for seventy-five days. On any one of those seventy-five days, I could have asked Sarah to marry me, and she could have asked me the same thing… Except neither of us have. The ring I bought for Sarah is still firmly nestled in my handbag, whilst the ring Sarah got for me… Every time I think I can get away with it, I check the hiding place Sarah previously used, under a pile of tights in her underwear drawer, but I haven’t so much as seen the ring since the first day I discovered it so many months ago.

I’ve tried to talk to Sarah about the ring many times since my birthday, but every time I try to steer our conversations in that direction, I either chicken out, or Sarah ‘hijacks’ the conversation and takes it in another direction entirely. I would understand entirely if she didn’t want to get married so quickly- there’s a part of me that’s reluctant to take such a big step, and my counsellor has stated on many occasions that it’s too much, too soon- but that doesn’t explain why Sarah owns that ring. If it wasn’t engraved, then I could just pass it off as a family heirloom- Sarah’s family is very wealthy, after all- but it has my name on it. Sarah could only have got that ring so she could give it to me… So why hasn’t she?

“I’m sure the two of you have some special celebration planned,” mum says. “Hanging out with your celebrity friends, no doubt…”

“No,” I laugh. “We usually do that tonight, but today’s all about family.”

“Good,” dad says. “So… Plans?”

“Just one,” I say with a smile. “Filling in a form online…” Mum and dad smile happily, immediately knowing what I mean. In the UK, the two year mark is a significant one for transgendered people, as it’s the point at which we can apply for our gender recognition certificate- the document that legally changes our gender. Up until now, as far as everyone has been concerned, I’ve been a girl- but in the eyes of the law, I am still a transitioning male. With the certificate, I will be legally female. Not just a ‘male who has changed his gender’ but fully, definitively, female. Once I receive the certificate, there’ll only be one final step to take on my journey…

The certificate isn’t cheap to apply for- £140, roughly two thirds of my net weekly wage- but its value to me will be immeasurable. After dressing very casually in a grey long-sleeved top, patterned black tights and a pleated black denim skirt, I grab my laptop and park myself on my sofa, where I’m almost immediately joined by the similarly-dressed Sarah.

“Heyyy,” Sarah says, snuggling in close to me. “Doing the form already?”

“No sense in wasting any time,” I say. “Though it looks like I might have to… Got to provide evidence that’s at least two years old showing that I’ve been living as a girl all this time.”

“Well that’s not too hard, surely?” Sarah asks. “You’ve got your driver’s licence, your passport, they’re all in ‘Nicola Christine Thomas’, right?”

“My passport was reissued in August 2013,” I sigh. “Not soon enough.”

“What about your deed poll certificate, then?” Sarah says. “You’ll have needed that to change your passport, right?”

“That’s still late June,” I moan. “Ah well, it’s not like I’m not used to waiting for things I really want…” I look into Sarah’s eyes, and for a brief moment, it’s like we’re reading each other’s minds as her jaw suddenly pops open as if to speak, only to immediately snap shut again.

“Yeah, waiting sucks,” Sarah whispers. “What about your parents?”

“Um, what about them?” I ask. What do they have to do with us getting married? I think to myself.

“They’ll know something you can use as evidence,” Sarah says with a smile, before jumping off the sofa and heading into the kitchen, returning seconds later with my mother- and my baby sister- in tow.

“Sandra,” Sarah asks. “We’re filling in this gender recognition form but we need evidence that Nikki’s lived, well, ‘as Nikki’, and the earliest piece of evidence has to be over two years old.”

“Ooh, and obviously we don’t have anything like that just yet,” mum grimaces. “What about your wage slips? They’re in the name of ‘Nicola Thomas’, right?”

“My earliest was dated the middle of July,” I sigh. “I thought about my deed poll certificate, but even that’s the end of June…”

“What about,” mum says with a smile, “the social services report?”

“Umm, would that count?” I ask. “I’ve not thought about that in years… Don’t really want to, either…”

“I know,” mum says in a sombre voice. “But it still demonstrates that you were living as a girl, full-time at the date of the report, which I think was… June 2nd.”

“June 2nd?” I whisper. “That’s only two and a half weeks away…” I giggle as Sarah squeaks excitedly and gives me a tight cuddle.

“So cool!” Sarah squeaks, before hopping off the sofa yet again.

“Where’s she going now?” Mum asks with a giggle.

“And…” Sarah says, returning with her hands held behind her back. “As it’s your special day… I got you a little something special.” Of course… I think to myself. What more special day than today? My heart rate increases as Sarah smiles coyly and I have to clasp my hands together to stop them from shaking.

“Nikki…” Sarah whispers, before presenting me with a gift that is very obviously NOT a ring. “Happy ‘Nikki-day’!”

“Wh-what?” I ask, taking the brightly-wrapped package from Sarah. From its size, shape and feel, it’s obviously a dress, but why would she give it to me now?

“I’ve been working on this for weeks,” Sarah giggles. “Open it!” I do as I’m told, and I gasp in awe as I gently remove the delicate garment from its packaging. It’s very much in the style of Sarah’s other masterpieces- made of a nearly opaque purple chiffon, multi-layered and knee-length- but I can instantly tell this this one is special. For starters, it’s laced at the back, rather than fastened by a zip or buttons. The thin shoulder straps are embellished with delicate stitching, and the entire bodice of the dress- which appears to have been built around a leotard, judging by the built-in pants- is covered in a pattern that I don’t immediately recognise until I look at it a little closer- it looks exactly like two hands, connected by their thumbnails and the beds of their index fingers- exactly like our ‘girl love forever’ gesture.

“Oh my god,” I whisper. “It- it’s beautiful…”

“Glad you approve!” Sarah giggles, giving me a lingering kiss. “Want to try it on now, or save it for the meal tonight?”

“Oh, tonight, obviously!” I giggle girlishly. “But- this is probably the most amazing dress you’ve ever made, and I don’t just mean the most amazing one you ever gave me…”

“Thanks!” Sarah laughs, giving me yet another kiss that I happily reciprocate.

“No, but-“ I say. “Why- why give it today rather than, say, saving it for Christmas or our anniversary? You didn’t get me anything like this last year…”

“Umm, I can always take it back if you’d rather-“ Sarah says, clearly confused by my own confusion.

“No,” I laugh, interrupting my lover. “I mean, I’m not ungrateful, I just- um- heh, thank you…”

“You’re welcome,” Sarah grins. “Can’t wait to see you in it…”

“We’re you expecting to receive something else?” Mum asks, earning a stern glare from me- and, surprisingly, a brief one from Sarah.

“Sarah spends most of her time making clothes,” I laugh. “Don’t know why I’d expect anything else…”

“Speaking of,” Sarah says, “if you’re done with the laptop, could I borrow it for a bit? Need to polish off some of my coursework…”

“Sure,” I say. “Thought you’d got it all finished?”

“That’s why I said ‘polished’ instead of ‘finished’,” Sarah giggles as she logs onto her college account and starts editing one of her mile-long essays. We spend the entire day on the sofa, with Sarah concentrating hard on her work despite my efforts to ‘distract’ her. All throughout the afternoon, however, my eyes keep getting drawn to the purple gown hanging in the doorway. The stitching Sarah used seems to almost sparkle in the sunlight, and the way the fabric shimmers… When mum and dad finally order us to get ready for our meal (allowing extra time for me and Sarah as, well, we’re eighteen year old girls), it’s all I can do not to snatch the dress of the hanger and change into it then and there. However, I make sure to take the proper care with my appearance beforehand- applying my make-up (including two shades of my favourite dark fuchsia lipstick), repainting my nails a deep burgundy colour and brushing my hair out to its maximum volume. My hair was already shoulder-length when I started transitioning two years ago and I haven’t had it significantly shortened since, only the occasion trim when having it restyled, so it cascades down my head like a rich brown waterfall. Finally comes the dress- I don’t bother with any hosiery as it’s warm outside, the dress doesn’t have any poppers in the leotard crotch, and I’m planning on wearing high-heeled sandals rather than pumps. I hold my hair out of the way for Sarah so that she can lace me into the dress, though she obviously takes this as an invitation to kiss my bare shoulders first!

“Did you make this dress with laces instead of a zip just so I’d have to ask you to lace me into it?” I giggle.

“Ah, my evil plan, foiled!” Sarah laughs.

“Your evil plan, fully co-operated with!” I laugh, turning around once I’m fully laced in and zipping Sarah into her own strapless chiffon gown. Sarah has tied her own light brown hair high atop her head, and with her immaculate make-up and dark nails, she looks just like a movie star or a supermodel attending a world premiere.

“Truly, truly beautiful,” mum says as Sarah and I slowly descend the stairs in our super-high heeled shoes. “Both of you!”

“Thanks,” Sarah and I giggle simultaneously.

“Here, can’t NOT get a photo of this,” dad- who’s looking very dapper in his best suit- says, before taking a photo of myself and Sarah in our posh, home-made dresses. “And yes, I’ll forward it to you for your ‘special album’…”

“Thanks, Chris,” Sarah giggles as she checks her phone for the photo. Every time I’ve modelled a piece of clothing for Sarah- right the way back to when we were fifteen- she’s taken a photograph of it and saved it in a special folder on her computer. Most of the photos are also on Facebook too, with the obvious exceptions of the rare occasions when Sarah’s made me lingerie!

After Grandpa Bill and Nanna Jean arrive to babysit Jenny, the four of us- mum, dad, Sarah and myself- hop into our waiting taxi and speed off to the posh restaurant where we have reserved seats. Despite my laced-in torso, I eat my fill, as the four of us discuss the past- dad in particular delighting Sarah with tales of my childhood- and the present, particularly mine & Sarah’s recent modelling work. Whenever the conversation turns to the future, however, the atmosphere becomes awkward- Sarah deflects any discussion about her university aspirations, and, more worryingly, doesn’t seem to want to talk about the future of our relationship either…

The four of us eventually arrive home just after 10:30pm, much to relief of my grandparents who almost immediately head home- for obvious reasons, they don’t celebrate ‘Nikki Day’ as much as we do. After a quick cup of tea, Sarah and I head immediately to bed, which takes a while as Sarah has to unlace me from my dress first, and I make sure to take extra care hanging up the delicate garment in my wardrobe.

“Happy rest-of-Nikki Day,” Sarah giggles as I lay down next to her in my comfy bed.

“Happy rest-of-me day,” I laugh, giving Sarah a long, lazy kiss.

“Amazing to think that this time next year, things will be so much different,” Sarah muses. “I’ll be at university, you’ll have either had your operation or will be about to have it…”

“But WE’LL still be the same, right?” I ask, wrapping my arms around Sarah’s waist.

“Of course we will,” Sarah says after a brief pause. “Girl love forever!”

“Girl love forever and ever,” I whisper. We both quickly fall into a deep sleep, which for me at least is mercifully dreamless. When I wake up on Sunday morning, I turn my head and open my eyes, only to find that Sarah is already up and dressed, and is sat at my desk doing yet more college work.

“Nngh,” I moan. “Babe? What time is it…?”

“8:30,” Sarah laughs, interrupting her work just long enough to give me a good morning kiss. “Figured I’d get an early start…”

“How much polish does your coursework need?” I ask as I get up and head to the shower. “Katie and Lauren submitted their work ages ago…”

“Yeah, their problem, not mine,” Sarah says. “You know my family won’t be happy with anything less than perfection…”

“Oh come on,” I yell from underneath the roaring water, “you said the same thing about you going into fashion design rather than medicine, remember?”

“Yeah,” Sarah replies. “And mum said that I had to work my absolute hardest at it, remember?”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean ‘spend every waking hour on it’,” I retort. “Are you going to spend all day in front of the computer?”

“No,” Sarah retorts. “I’m going to need to head home at some point to take some photos. I take it you’ll be happy to be the most gorgeous, girly model of all time once again?”

“Always,” I giggle, grabbing my razor and whipping off a few stray leg hairs before returning to my room, my body and my hair wrapped in two thick towels.

“Mmm,” Sarah says as she drinks in every inch of my glistening, wet body. “Kinda wish I had my camera with me now!” I giggle as Sarah whips the towel off of my torso, before helping me dry myself off. After I’ve finished drying, I dress in a plain black miniskirt, a casual purple top and black tights- which Sarah takes as her cue to get straight back to her work.

“Don’t you even dare complain about being bored,” Sarah laughs as I start playing a game on my iPad. “When I’m at uni I’m going to have to work ten times harder than this…”

“Even though your tutor said that your work was already at university level?” I say.

“There’s a difference between ‘university level’ and ‘distinction level’,” Sarah says. “They do do Masters Degrees in fashion design, you know…”

“Sarah…” I sigh. “Is- IS everything okay? When you talked about uni in the past, it was always a means to an end, a way to get yourself a job in the industry, now you’re talking about Masters Degrees…”

“My mum’s a doctor,” Sarah explains. “Highly respected in her field, earns bucket loads of money, same with my aunt and uncle…”

“You never really talk much about them,” I say. “Don’t think you’ve even seen them since Christmas…”

“No offence, Nikki,” Sarah sighs, “you know how much I love you, and I always will, just- can you- can you just get off my back about this, please?”

“Umm, okay,” I say, taken aback by Sarah’s sudden hostility. “Let me know if you need any help…”

“Can do,” Sarah says, turning back to her work. After a quick lunch, Sarah drives us both back to her house, where I spend the evening wearing countless beautiful dresses, skirts and tops as Sarah photographs me for her coursework. Normally, an evening like this would be my idea of heaven- but with Sarah as focussed as she is, all I can concentrate on is her. After I change back into my casual clothes, and Sarah heads upstairs to pack away the gorgeous creations I’ve just modelled, I head into Sarah’s kitchen, where her mother is sat doing work of her own.

“Hi Beverly,” I say, sitting down opposite the middle-aged woman and her laptop.

“Hi Nikki,” Beverly says with a smile. “You girls finished with your fashion show?”

“For now,” I say. “That’s kinda what I want to talk to you about, if you’ve got a second?”

“Heh,” Beverly laughs. “I think you’ll find my daughter’s about a thousand times more qualified to talk about fashion than I am!”

“It’s specifically that word I want to talk about,” I say nervously. “’Qualified’… You know Sarah’s been working a lot harder than normal recently, right?”

“She does seem dedicated to her course,” Beverly says. “It bodes well for university, especially as it’s a subject that she genuinely loves.”

“You know she’s talked about going on to do a Master’s degree, right?” I ask.

“I don’t know that,” Beverly replies. “But I’d certainly support that, if that’s what she wants to do.”

“Sarah…” I say hesitantly. “She… She kinda feels pressured into succeeding academically, you know, because you’re a doctor, so are her aunts and uncles-“

“I’ve never put that kind of pressure on her,” Beverly says, interrupting me.

“I never said you did,” I say, leaning back, worried that I’ve offended the friendly older woman.

“Heh,” Beverly chuckles, much to my relief. “I can see your point, I remember when she first told me about wanting to work in fashion, how nervous she was… But, she is an adult now, she needs to make her own decisions.” I smile and nod at the older woman- clearly she’s been kept as much in the dark about Sarah’s plans as I have…

Unsurprisingly, Sarah spends the rest of the evening polishing her coursework, but does take some time to relax on the sofa with me and watch television before we head to bed just after 10:30pm, quickly falling asleep in each other’s arms…

“Come on, hurry up!” The director urges me.

“Yes, yes, I’m hurrying!” I say as I pull on the slinky purple dress, holding my hair out of the way so the director can fasten shut all the buttons on the rear.

“Okay,” the director says once the dress is fastened shut. “Knock ‘em dead, Nikki!” I giggle as I walk out onto the runway to be greeted by the coos of the audience and the flashbulbs of the photographers, but I can instantly tell that something’s wrong.

“Nice dress, Nikki,” Katie says as she walks past in her pristine white wedding gown, which contrasts horribly with my own purple dress.

“Like the dress, Nikki,” Lauren says, doing a twirl in her strapless white wedding dress.

“Why aren’t you wearing one of these?” Dannii asks, coolly swishing her wedding dress around her legs as she walks past.

“I- I don’t know,” I sob as I sink to my knees. “Sarah? Sarah!?” I yell my lungs out as the noise of the crowd and the brightness of the flashbulbs intensifies, stunning all my senses as I lay paralysed on the floor…

“Sarah!” I gasp as I suddenly wake up in my lover’s bed.

“Hehe,” Sarah giggles as I take several deep breaths to calm myself down. “Don’t know whether or not to be flattered that you’re having nightmares about me…”

“Ugh,” I moan as I lay my head back down on the pillow. “What time is it?”

“Almost 7:30,” Sarah says, kissing me behind my ear. “About time we were getting up…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” slowly climbing out of bed and jumping under the shower. When I return, I pull on my usual Monday morning attire- specifically, a pair of baby pink tights and a tight black leotard. As I’ll be at work later, I stuff a pair of barely black tights in my handbag, before pulling on an opaque white blouse and one of my trademark short black pencil skirts. After checking my make-up and nails are immaculate, I slip my feet into a pair of flats, grab my dance bag, my handbag and a pair of heels (to change into at the same time as my other tights), I sit back down on the bed and wait for Sarah to come out of the shower. Once she returns, with her body and her hair wrapped in towels just as mine was yesterday, I make a move to grab her torso towel from her, just as she did with me yesterday. Sadly, Sarah sees this coming and darts out of the way, but after she dries herself I get treated a full-length view of her naked body anyway, so I don’t mind too much!

“Mmm,” I moan happily as Sarah pulls a clean bra and thong out of her underwear drawer. “Do you normally wear underwear at ballet?”

“Oh, I’m not going today,” Sarah says, pulling on a pair of black tights and a short grey denim skirt, followed by one of her favourite home-made tops and a pair of flats.

“Uh- what? No 'Sarahrina'?” I ask. “You LOVE ballet…”

“I know,” Sarah sighs. “Just need-“

“To polish off college work,” I say, finishing Sarah’s sentence for her.

“Hehe, you really ARE my soulmate,” Sarah says, giving me a long, deep kiss before leading us both down to her car. We soon pull up outside the dance studio, where Sarah drops me off before immediately speeding off to her college. Even though I’m early for the dance lesson, most of the other girls are already there, so I quickly head into the changing rooms, remove my skirt and blouse and tie my satin ballet slippers to my feet before grabbing my pointe shoes and heading into the studio. In what has become a pre-class ritual, Krystie ties my hair into a ballerina’s bun for me (she also ties Jamie’s bun) before getting the class started.

“Ladies,” Krystie announces. “As I’m sure you know, tomorrow we celebrate the 24th birthday of the legendary Miss Charlotte Hutchinson!” I- and the other girls- turn to applaud Charlotte, who is sat the side of the studio with her new born son in her arms.

“Obviously,” Krystie continues, “Charlotte’s not going to be up for dancing for a few more weeks, but I have a special birthday tutu that NEEDS to be worn. Fortunately, there is another girl in here who has something to celebrate!” Oh god, I think to myself. Thanks for springing this on me, Krystie…

“Isn’t that right,” Krystie continues, “Miss Henderson?” My face briefly scrunches up with confusion as I stare over at Katie, whose freckled face quickly turns red with embarrassment.

“Yes,” Katie sighs, before letting out a loud giggle. “I may… Have been offered an unconditional place at LCF for September!”

“Oh my god, Katie!” Lauren squeaks, giving the taller girl a tight hug. “That’s so cool!”

“Congratulations!” I say, giving Katie a hug. “You really, really deserve it and you will be SO good at university!”

“Thanks!” Katie squeaks, bouncing up and down with excitement.

“As you’re going to be a super famous photographer in a few years’ time,” Krystie says, “that means that for today, you get to change into a tutu and dance whilst we all photograph YOU!” Katie sighs and rolls her eyes as she strips off her leotard and pulls on the frilly, ostentatious tutu and her shiny pointe shoes.

“The crown, though, still belongs to the birthday girl!” Krystie giggles, placing on Charlotte’s head the tiara I wore on my head on the day before my most recent birthday. I watch enthralled as Katie dances a carefully choreographed routine, before changing back into her leotard as Krystie begins ‘properly’ teaching us. After we change into our pointe shoes, I catch a glimpse of myself in one of the studio’s vast mirrors, and I can’t help but smile at the feminine figure I project- with my slender pink legs, curvy body wrapped in a tight black leotard, my tight bun and my pointed feet, I am virtually indistinguishable from the other women in the studio. Sure, the others may be ‘proper’ models, they may be skinny and blonde whilst I’m curvy and brunette, but this IS a place where I truly fit in.

After the lesson, I head back into the changing room, where I’m joined by Katie, Lauren and Hannah.

“Eee!” Hannah squeaks, cuddling Katie tight and preventing her from removing her leotard. “So, so cool! You’re going to be a proper university girl! So are you, Lauren, I can just feel it!”

“Thanks,” Katie says, freeing herself from Hannah’s hug only for the blonde girl to immediately rush over and cuddle Lauren.

“Whoa, whoa!” Lauren laughs. “I haven’t even got my offer yet…”

“YET,” Hannah says. “Your dresses are SO amazing they’ve got to get you on one of their courses!”

“Me AND Sarah,” Lauren says, suddenly lowering the mood in the changing room. “Where is she, anyway?”

“Gone into college early,” I sigh. “She keeps going over and over her final coursework…”

“God knows why, it’s miles ahead of mine,” Lauren says. “I’d have thought Sarah would’ve heard from LCF now as well…”

“Just so I’m up to speed,” Hannah asks as she changes from her dance gear into a smart, form fitting dress and nude tights, “that’s London College of Fashion’, right?”

“Aka ‘the most awesome university in the world? Yep,” Katie confirms.

“I kinda wish I’d gone to university,” Hannah sighs. “It sounds so cool, living in dorms, having parties every night…”

“Oh please,” Katie laughs. “You’ve got the job literally every girl in the country would literally die for!”

“Count me as one of those girls!” Lauren interrupts, making everyone in the changing room giggle- Hannah giggling harder than anyone.

“Yeah, but-“ Hannah says, before sighing and giggling yet again. “Okay, point taken. Come on, fellow ‘non-college girl’, we’ve got ACTUAL work to do!”

“Hehe!” I giggle as I pull on my spare pair of tights, followed by the rest of my work clothes and finally my flats. After bidding Katie and Lauren farewell with yet more hugs, I follow Hannah outside into her car, a converted pink London taxi that has been nicknamed ‘the Angelmobile’.

“Drive, woman, drive!” Hannah commands in a mock-authoritative voice, causing me to giggle as I climb into the driver’s seat and drive us away. It doesn’t take long for us to arrive at the TV studio, where Hannah immediately goes into ‘Angel mode’, schmoozing up the producers as they explain the ins and outs of what she’ll be doing today.

Thankfully, today I don’t have a changing room to inspect- as Hannah changed at the dance studio- but there are still plenty of treats laid on that I approve before handing them to the superstar as she gets ready for her latest TV appearance, which this time involves reviewing various new make-ups. I giggle as Hannah poses for selfies with the girls who will be actually modelling the make-up before heading on set, returning fifteen minutes later with a wide smile on her face.

“Sometimes I feel a bit guilty,” Hannah giggles as we head back to the ‘Angelmobile’. “Getting paid this much, considering how easy this job is…”

“You can always drive us home if it helps ease your guilt,” I laugh, earning a playful shove from the tall girl.

“Drive, woman, drive!” Hannah again orders as she dramatically drops down on the back seat of the cab whilst I get into the driver’s seat and drive the girl- and her numerous goodie bags- back to her posh flat. I leave the car in Hannah’s parking space (it is, technically, her car) before heading to the nearest tube station.

Half an hour later, I head into the packed dining hall at the college where I used to study (and where Sarah, Katie and Lauren still study), musing on how, mere weeks from now, none of us will have any reason to return to this place.

“Hey, Nikkirina!” Sarah giggles, greeting me with a kiss as I dump my dance bag underneath the table.

“Hey, Sarah-NOT-rina!” I retort, making Sarah laugh tiredly.

“I take it you heard Katie’s good news?” Sarah asks, making Katie sigh and blush with embarrassment.

“By this point EVERYONE’s heard it,” Katie laughs.

“And,” Lauren says with a smug smile. “Now that everyone’s here…” Everyone EXCEPT your former best friend, I think to myself.

“What is it?” Sarah asks Lauren with a look that can only be described as ‘worry’.

“In the post today,” Lauren says, barely suppressing a giggle. “I may… Have also received an unconditional offer from LCF to study fashion design!”

“Oh my god, Lauren!” Katie squeaks, giving the short girl a long, tight hug. “This is so cool! We’re both going to the same university, we’re both going to be studying together…”

“Umm, not exactly,” Lauren laughs. “Different subjects, we’ll probably be in different days…” Lauren’s voice trails off as she sees Sarah smiling at her, and all of a sudden, I realise exactly WHY Sarah has been the way she’s been lately. It’s not so much that she wants to do study after university... It’s that she may not even get TO university, despite the quality of her work…

“This is so cool,” Sarah says with a smile that I can immediately tell is forced.

“Call your mum,” Lauren laughs. “You’re BOUND to have got an offer too…”

“Eh, I can wait until I get home,” Sarah says with the same forced smile. “Anyway, you guys should celebrate, maybe go out somewhere tonight?”

“I’m still hungover from last Friday!” Lauren giggles. “Besides, it’s Charlotte’s party tomorrow…”

“Exactly,” Sarah says. “Charlotte’s party, so we need a celebration of our own!”

“Deal!” Katie laughs. “Night out or night in?”

“There won’t be anything decent on on a Monday night,” Lauren says. “Don’t think there are any house parties tonight either… Know anybody with a house large enough and with enough booze to celebrate properly?” I open my mouth to respond, as does Katie, but we both immediately close them again. We’ve clearly both had the same idea- there IS someone with a house large enough to hold a party of the type we want… And that someone is Dannii.

“Actually, you know what?” Katie says. “Celebration can wait until the weekend. Let Sarah get a chance to get her unconditional offer!” Sarah giggles, but I can tell just by looking at her that she either doesn’t expect to receive an offer from LCF… Or has, and has rejected it for whatever reason…

After college, Sarah and I back to her home, where she does yet more intensive work on her project. Every time I try to bring up the topic of university, Sarah simply avoids it, changing the topic by ordering me to change into one of her skirts or dresses despite the fact that she’s already photographed me in these creations at least a hundred times. The two of us head to bed just after 10:30pm, with me still none the wiser as to why Sarah’s so stressed out about university. Even as we make love, I can tell that part of her mind is elsewhere…

Once again, when I wake up the following morning, I find Sarah already up and dressed, ready for college with a smile on her face and a determined look in her eyes.

“Morning, beautiful!” Sarah says, giving me a gentle kiss as I shake the early morning fog from my head.

“Mmph, morning,” I say, throwing back the covers and heading into Sarah’s en-suite to shower. “What time is it?”

“7:15,” Sarah says, making me pause.

“7:15!?” I retort. “Why do you need to be up this early? Why do I need to be up this early?”

“You don’t!” Sarah giggles. “I just wanted… Well, I’m sure you know by now how I’m going to finish this sentence…”

“Sarah…” I sigh as the hot water washes away my tiredness. “We really do need to talk about that.”

“No offence, Nikki,” Sarah says, “but you’re not going to university, I don’t see exactly what you can, well, bring to any discussion about it.”

“I’m not going to university,” I reply, “but I know YOU. I love you, Sarah, something’s wrong, please, just tell me what it is?”

“It-“ Sarah says, before sighing loudly. “I- I need to go. I’ll see you at Charlotte’s tonight, okay?”

“Wait!” I yell, hopping out of the shower and wrapping my body and my hair in thick, fluffy towels. “Sarah, wait!” I head back into Sarah’s bedroom, only to hear her car drive away, leaving me alone. After drying myself off and fixing my make-up and pull on my typical work clothes, I head downstairs to the kitchen, where Beverly is already awake and ready for her own working day.

“Morning, Nikki,” Beverly says. “Do you need a lift anywhere today?”

“Umm, just home, to pick up my car, please,” I say. “Beverly… I’m really, really worried about Sarah.”

“Is this the same thing we talked about on Sunday?” Beverly asks.

“Umm, yes and no,” I say. “Katie and Lauren- you know them, right?”

“Yeah, they’ve been here often enough,” Beverly says.

“They’ve both got unconditional offers from LCF,” I explain. “Sarah… Almost certainly hasn’t.”

“Oh,” Beverly says, clearly surprised by the news. “Sarah’s not said anything to me about this… I know she’s applied to LCF, but she’s applied to other places as well. I basically just let her get on with it, you know how desperate she is to prove how independent she can be.”

“Yeah,” I say.

“I’ll talk to her again tomorrow,” Beverly says. “You’ve got yet another one of your big parties tonight, haven’t you?"

“Yep,” I say. “Got to get over there to help sort everything out for it… At least there are no ridiculous themes this time!”

“Oh, be fair,” Beverly chuckles. “I know how much you girls love dressing up. And I don’t just mean girls ‘like you’!” Beverly and I giggle happily as we head out to her car. A short while later, I’m dropped off outside my house, and after saying hi to mum and Jenny, I quickly head over to Charlotte Hutchinson’s vast mansion, where I’m greeted by the woman herself and her new born son.

“Hi Charlotte, happy birthday!” I say, before giggling in the dribbling face of the tiny infant in her arms.

“Hey there, cutie!” I say, making Charlotte giggle even if the baby himself doesn’t stir.

“Sleeps for most of the day, dribbles everywhere, obsessed with breasts…” Charlotte giggles. “You can tell he’s a boy!”

“Is everything already here for the party?” I ask.

“Yep!” Charlotte says, though I can tell her smile is just as forced as Sarah’s was at lunch yesterday. “Babysitter’s all booked too, got bottles full of MY milk for this one in case he needs it… Nikki, can I be honest with you?”

“Of course,” I say.

“I… really can’t be doing with tonight,” Charlotte sighs.

“How so?” I ask, amazed that Charlotte- a national celebrity who I’ve only known for less than a year- can be more open with me than my own lover.

“It’s just...” Charlotte sighs. “Since giving birth, I’ve just felt washed out, I’m constantly tired… I’d really much rather have a quiet night in on the sofa, with my girls… And, of course, my boy… I really can’t face people right now, let alone a camera crew…”

“Are you eating properly?” I ask. “Because you look like you’ve shifted a lot of baby weight already…”

“I’ve actually got a dietician!” Charlotte giggles. “She makes sure I- and, of course, Keith junior- get everything we need. It’s just… I dunno. I just want to get through tonight as fast as possible…”

“No one should be miserable on their birthday,” I say. “I’m sure you’ll be happier once you’ve got all your girls here!”

“Thanks,” Charlotte says with a genuine smile as I begin ordering around the catering staff. Ten hours later, Charlotte’s main room is bustling with activity. All the Angels are present, of course, as are all of Out of Heaven and all of the Teen Angels… Except one.

“Hi,” the recorded voicemail message says. “You’ve reached Sarah Phillips, I’m not able to come to the phone right now, please leave a message after the tone.” I disconnect the call before hearing the tone and stuff my phone bag in my tiny clutch bag- I’ve already left two messages for Sarah, there’s no point in leaving a third. I smooth my short, dark mauve cocktail dress (one of Sarah’s creations, naturally) before heading over to the bar at the end of Charlotte’s main room. With no official ‘theme’ for tonight’s party, everyone’s come in their poshest dresses (or poshest suits for the boys) and smartest, highest-heeled shoes- and I in particular look DAMNED good tonight, even if I do say so myself.

“Nikki!” A voice calls me before I reach the bar. “Hey, Nikki! Come over here!” I turn to see who the voice belongs to, only to discover Krystie sat on one of the many plush sofas lining the vast room, clutching an iPad. She’s also attracted quite a crowd- at least six other girls are watching, some of whom must be either old friends or celebrity friends of Charlotte’s as I don’t recognise them from any of the ‘official Angel’ groups.

“What are you watching?” I say, perching myself on the arm of the sofa and crossing my legs so as to not flash my panties to everyone at the party. “A beauty pageant?”

“Yeah,” Krystie says. “There’s supposed to be a girl on later who used to be one of the top ballerinas of the Paris ballet, I wanted to check her out, see how good she is.”

“Thinking of opening a school in Paris, then?” Viks asks with a giggle.

“A bigger London one would be better!” Krystie laughs. “Can’t even so much as speak French…”

“Alors!” Viks laughs. “Mademoiselle Fullerton, vous avez jamais appris la langue que les termes les plus ballet viennent?”

“…You brainbox!” Krystie teases her fellow Angel, who giggles bashfully.

“Hang on,” Viks says, “is this Soixante-Trois Airlines? The same ones who flew us back from Paris to Ireland before Mary’s wedding last year?”

“Yep,” Krystie says. “Joshua recommended I watch the pageant, god only knows why, this isn’t exactly the sort of thing he’d normally watch!”

“Why have we never had a beauty pageant before for one of our birthday parties?” Viks asks.

“Ooh! Ooh! Dibs for my 21st!” Becca- who’d been quiet so far- yells, making everyone around the sofa laugh.

“Whose birthday’s next after Charlotte?” I ask.

“Umm,” Krystie says, “Not sure, Charlotte’s is the last in May, I know THAT for a fact, are there any in June?”

“None from my band,” Becca says. “Not until October.”

“…There is one in June,” I sigh. “It’s Dannii.” Another awkward pause surrounds the sofa, and I breathe a sigh of relief when my phone starts ringing. “I, um, I need to get this…” After hastily excusing myself, I check the caller ID and smile- it’s Sarah.

“Hey, gorgeous!” I say with a smile. “What time are you getting here?”

“Just setting off now,” Sarah replies, sounding like she’s in a hell of a hurry. “Should be there in twenty minutes.” Sure enough, eighteen minutes later, Sarah coolly strides through the front door of Charlotte’s house, and after greeting the birthday girl with a hug and a gift, strides over to me, giving me a long, deep kiss. I can immediately tell, however, that everything isn’t okay with the woman I love.

“Hey, beautiful!” Sarah giggles, giving me yet another kiss. “Sorry I’m late…”

“Hey,” I sigh happily. “What’s with your hair?”

“What about it?” Sarah asks, flicking her long brown hair off of her bare shoulders.

“You haven’t tied it up,” I say. “Can’t remember the last time you went to a party with your hair down…”

“Meh, thought it was time for a change,” Sarah says, though I can tell by the way she’s constantly flicking her hair back that she’s as irritated by it as she always is whenever it’s not tied into a ponytail or into one of her elaborate updos. Inevitably, less than 15 minutes later, Sarah disappears into the toilet, re-emerging a couple of minutes later with her hair tied high upon her head.

“That’s MUCH better,” Sarah giggles, giving me another kiss before leading us both to a free sofa.

“Change isn’t such a good thing after all?” I ask.

“…Some changes are,” Sarah whispers, taking a sip of her soft drink.

“Sarah…” I say. “I’m- I’m not going to drop it, you know, about university-“

“Not here,” Sarah says firmly. “Not here, not now. Can we, you know, just have some fun tonight?”

“Of course!” I say, forcing a smile onto my dark fuchsia lips- though it’s obvious from the look in her eyes that Sarah knows my smile is as forced as her recent smiles have been.

We only stay at the party for another hour- I have work tomorrow and Sarah obviously has college- but when I arrive back home I’m not tired despite my long day and the alcohol I consumed tonight.

“We NEED to talk now,” I say to Sarah as we enter my bedroom.

“I’m tired,” Sarah says, dramatically yawning and stretching her arms.

“No, Sarah-“ I say, groaning with frustration. “Whatever it is, PLEASE tell me. I thought we could talk about anything, literally anything…”

“This- This…” Sarah says, before sighing. “This is big, Nikki.”

“Whatever it is, it can’t be bigger than the two of us, surely?” I ask.

“It’s about university,” Sarah says.

“Well yes, I figured that much,” I reply. “Have you not had an unconditional offer?”

“No, that’s the problem, I HAVE,” Sarah sighs.

“Well, then, what-“ I say.

“-From the university of Salford,” Sarah sighs. “LCF have sent me an offer but it’s conditional.”

“Well- surely you’ll meet the conditions, given how hard you’ve been working, right?” I ask, only for my heart to melt when Sarah turns round, and I can see that her eyes are flooded with tears. Instinctively, I reach forward and wrap my arms around Sarah, hugging her tightly as she blubs into my shoulder.

“I don’t know what to do…” Sarah sobs loudly.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I ask. “Stay in London, with me…”

“I want to,” Sarah sniffles. “But I’ve always dreamed of going away to uni, living in a dorm, you know, just- just being independent…”

“You’re a business owner,” I say. “You have your own car, you’re friends with one of the hottest modelling cliques in the UK… Seems like you’re independent to me.”

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Sarah says with a small chuckle. “You just don’t want me to go…”

“Hell no I don’t want you to go!” I laugh.

“Nikki,” Sarah sighs, “If I do go to Manchester…”

“I’ll go with you,” I say.

“No,” Sarah says firmly. “You can’t leave London, you’ve got your whole life here, your family, your job… You’ll be having your operation soon, I can’t ask you to leave all that just for me…”

“You sound like you’ve already made up your mind,” I say.

“I-“ Sarah stutters, before sighing and slumping down on the edge of my bed. “I don’t know… The whole reason mum moved to London was because all the best work opportunities are here, but back then it was assumed I’d go to Oxford or Cambridge… And LCF IS the one of the best fashion universities in the country… But Salford’s not bad, and I’m not guaranteed a place at LCF…” I cuddle Sarah close to me as she breaks down in tears again, the weight of her decision clearly crushing her.

“Get- get some sleep,” I say as I strip off my dress. “Sleep on it… See how you feel in the morning. I love you, I love you more than anything, Sarah. Whatever you decide… I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“I love you too,” Sarah whispers, stripping off her dress and removing her tear-streaked make-up before climbing into bed, cuddling her naked body close to mine as we quickly fall into a deep sleep…

“Wait!” I yell as I climb up what seems like a never-ending staircase. “Wait, Sarah!” I run after the girl I love as she disappears at the top of the stairs, but no matter how hard I try, I simply can’t keep up with her… Until I suddenly find myself at the top of the stairs, in front of the door through which Sarah had only just disappeared. Internally, I freeze- I know that if I step through the door, there’ll be no going back, but if I turn around, I’ll lose Sarah forever…

I take several deep breaths, before turning the knob and opening the door. Almost immediately, I find myself stood in a vast quadrangle filled with people, with large, shiny buildings on either side. Even though consciously I know I’ve never even seen this place before, subconsciously I know I am stood in the centre of the University of Salford, and stood just a few feet in front of me, with a wide smile on her beautiful face, is Sarah.

“I knew you’d come,” Sarah whispers, before giving me a long, soft kiss. Almost instantly, I find myself wearing a pristine white wedding dress… And so is Sarah.

“You may kiss the bride,” the minister says as I kiss Sarah once again, my entire body melting into a pool of happiness…

“Hey,” Sarah says quietly. “Hey, Nikki, wake up!”

“Mmm,” I happily moan as the dream fades and I return to reality.

“Hope you were dreaming about me again!” Sarah laughs, giving me a kiss every bit as enjoyable as the kiss in my dream.

“Of course,” I whisper, returning Sarah’s kiss.

“Well, back to reality now, I’m afraid,” Sarah giggles. “Need to get out early so I can drop you at Charlotte’s to pick up your car.”

“AND Jamie,” I giggle, getting out of bed and laying my work clothes on a chair, whilst Sarah also gets up and jumps underneath the shower.

“I dunno,” Sarah laughs. “You could always try NOT taking her to work…”

“That’d be an easy way to get fired,” I laugh before taking Sarah’s place in the shower. After I dry myself off, I pull on my underwear, including a clean pair of barely black tights, followed by my customary opaque white blouse and short, tight black pencil skirt and a pair of black flats.

“Do you ever miss, you know, NOT having to spend so much time on your appearance each morning?” Sarah asks as I brush my hair before tying it into a professional ponytail.

“Never,” I say. “If anything, I wish I spent MORE time on it each morning...”

“Really?” Sarah giggles as I stand up and let her fix her own hair and make-up.

“Seriously,” I say. “Never even THOUGHT about my life as a boy in- well, in two years and four days, heh. Every day I apply my make-up, I just feel… At home. Like it was meant to be. No regrets, not a single one.”

“Must be so nice,” Sarah sighs. “Living life without ANY regrets.” Well… No regrets except one, I think to myself as I pick up my handbag and fiddle with the ring box through the lining of the bag.

“Sarah…” I sigh. “About- about what we talked about last night-”

“It feels better,” Sarah says as she ties her own hair back into a ponytail. “Talking about it… I’m sorry I kept you in the dark for so long, Nikki.”

“You don’t need to apologise to me,” I say, giving Sarah a quick cuddle. “You don’t EVER need to apologise to me. I love you, now and forever.”

“I love you too,” Sarah says, giving me a kiss. “Girl love forever! Now come on, we-, sorry, YOU’RE going to be late!”

“Hehe!” I giggle as I follow Sarah down to her car. I exchange another kiss with the woman I love as she drops me off outside Charlotte’s vast mansion.

“Aww,” Jamie coos as I approach her on her doorstep. “The cutest couple of all… Always makes me smile seeing how happy you two are.”

“Yeah,” I say. “Though that might not be for much longer…”

“Oh, what? No…” Jamie sighs as we both get into my car. “Why- what’s wrong?”

“University,” I sigh. “Specifically, Sarah’s… She’s had an offer from a university up in the north and she’s thinking of accepting, so either I go with her, and give up this job, or I stay behind, and give up Sarah…”

“Long distance relationships CAN work,” Jamie says. “If you love each other as much as you and Sarah clearly do, you’ll find a way to make it work, I know you will.”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “But that’s still three whole years of her not being by my side day in, day out… Possibly up to five if she stays on and does a masters.”

“There is…” Jamie says hesitantly. “There is ONE thing you can do to ensure you keep Sarah. Something to make you two commit to each other…”

“I know,” I whisper, triggering an awkward silence in the car.

“Anyway,” Jamie says, breaking the tension. “Krystie’s said that it’s Dannii’s birthday next, her eighteenth, right? Got anything special planned?”

“Why would WE plan anything for her?” I snort.

“Umm, she’s your friend?” Jamie asks. “Joshua wants to do something to mark the occasion, I know he hasn’t promoted the five of you that much, especially since launching the band, but with you all being eighteen…”

“Ugh, fine,” I spit. “But only because it’s expected of us professionally. Off the record? I LOATHE the girl, and so do Sarah, Katie and Lauren.”

“It’s been three months since the ‘thing’,” Jamie says. “You need to start forgiving at some point…”

“Trust me,” I say angrily as we pull up outside the small studio. “I DON’T need to forgive her.” I lead Jamie into the small building, inspecting her dressing room before allowing her in to change into her smart skirt and top ahead of her interview. As this one’s for a magazine, it’ll consist of just a sit-down interview with a reporter followed by a brief photoshoot, but Jamie switches outfits a lot for the photoshoot meaning it’s well past 1pm before we finally get away.

“I’m earning my money this week!” I giggle. “Hannah tomorrow and Viks on Friday…”

“Ah, a full-time job!” Jamie giggles. “I almost envy you. ALMOST!” Jamie and I giggle as I start my engine and slowly drive away. “Nikki… Don’t worry about Dannii, I’ll sort out her party. Her birthday’s on the 13th, right?”

“Yeah,” I say. “She was actually born on Friday the 13th, which is HIGHLY appropriate.”

“Okay,” Jamie says. “Well this year that’s a Saturday. We’ll do something at Charlotte’s house, maybe with a ‘1997’ theme. Spice Girls, David Beckham, that sort of thing.”

“Out of Heaven would make a cool Spice Girls tribute act,” I muse. “You’ve got a black girl, a ginger girl, two brunettes and a tiny blonde…”

“It’s not going to take much convincing to get Becca to dress up as Posh Spice,” Jamie giggles. “As for the other thing…”

“I know,” I sigh. “I know, I know… Do- do you think it’s too soon?”

“To get married?” Jamie asks. “At eighteen? Probably. But ‘engaged’ isn’t the same thing as ‘married’. Jon and Viks are having a long engagement, but they’re still fully committed to each other. You can always get engaged now and wait until after Sarah graduates to finally tie the knot. It’s not like you’ll have a pregnancy to worry about…”

“I also want to wait until after my SRS to get married,” I say. “Last Saturday was my two year mark…”

“Ooh,” Jamie coos. “That’s gender recognition certificate time, isn’t it?”

“Yep!” I say with a smile. “Sending it off at the start of next month… Jamie, do you ever have any regrets about your, well, your ‘change’?”

“Not really,” Jamie says. “Kinda regret not freezing any sperm, seeing how much joy Mary and Charlotte are getting out of being parents… But when I was a boy, my life was literally nothing. Now I have people paying me hundreds of pounds just to wear clothes and talk about my life…”

“But taking ten times as long getting ready every morning,” I retort, repeating Sarah’s earlier argument. “Being judged on your appearance everywhere you go…”

“Nikki…” Jamie sighs. “Are YOU having any regrets?”

“Not a single one,” I reply. “I love everything about this life. Being a boy… Sometimes, it actually HURT. Now, even when I’m wearing pointe shoes, it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“For me,” Jamie says. “Being a boy… I felt, well, numb, I guess. Like I didn’t know who or what I was. Now… It’s like I’m wrapped in happiness. So no, no regrets.”

“Girl LIFE forever!” I say, making Jamie giggle happily as I drive her back to her vast home. With it being almost 2pm, it’s far too late to visit Sarah at college, so I head back home to digest what Jamie said. I literally have in my hand- well, my handBAG- the means to keep Sarah committed to me forever. As obsessed as I am with Sarah proposing to me, there’s nothing stopping me from asking her any time I want. And Jamie’s right- even if we don’t get married immediately, we can stay engaged for as long as we want. Even if I’m in London and Sarah’s in Manchester, as long as we wear the rings, we’ll always be right next to each other.

Sarah arrives home just after 4:30, and I have the ring box in my hand as she steps through the door and collapses on our sofa.

“Hi honey, you’re home?” I ask, making the beautiful brown-haired girl giggle as she slips off her shoes and stretches her nylon-covered toes.

“Hi ‘honey’!” Sarah giggles as I sit down next to her and give her a kiss. “Where are your parents?”

“Dad’s at work,” I explain. “Mum’s taken Jenny round to grandma and granddad’s. Just the two of us tonight…”

“GOOD,” Sarah giggles, cuddling next to me as I fiddle with the ring box out of sight. I take a deep breath, before turning to face the beautiful girl.

“Sarah…” I whisper.

“I talked to my tutor today,” Sarah says, interrupting me before I have the chance to continue. “She says I’ve got a good chance of getting into LCF with the work that I’ve been doing, but it’s still a ‘chance’, not a ‘guarantee’…” Sarah slumps her head back on the sofa, and I can immediately tell just how hard this decision is for her.

“Sarah…” I say again, before pausing as I see the sheer exhaustion in her eyes.

“What?” Sarah asks with a half-hearted giggle.

“…Let’s do something special tonight,” I say, stashing the ring away in a pocket in my loose denim skirt. “Just the two of us. A proper date, wining, dining…”

“Sounds AMAZING,” Sarah says. “I take it YOU’RE cooking?” I open my mouth to reply, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“I said ‘special’, not ‘lethal’!” I laugh, making Sarah giggle as she gives me a quick cuddle. My breath catches in my mouth as I feel the ring box press into my hip, as it obviously will have pressed into Sarah as well- but she doesn’t comment as she releases me.

“Takeout it is, then!” Sarah says, opening a takeaway app on her phone. Two hours later, the two of us are sat around the kitchen table in our best dresses. I’m wearing the strapless lilac bodysuit and skirt Sarah made for me almost two years ago- the same ‘dress’ I wore during the first-ever get together of the ‘Teen Angels’- whilst Sarah’s wearing the first ever dress she made for me, the multi-layered, multi-coloured organza gown that flows about her body every time she leans forward to take a bite of her meal. We’re both fully-made up, wearing out best jewellery and poshest red nail polish, and- for the first time in a long while- we’ve both tied our hair into elaborate updos (Sarah’s is more elaborate than mine, obviously). The lights in the kitchen are dimmed- apart from the lone candle in the middle of the table- and a mix of romantic music is playing on my iPad, including ‘Eternal Flame’ by the Bangles- which is ‘our song’.

The food is just a basic chow mein from the local Chinese takeaway, but that’s not important- all that matters is that I’m here, now, with the woman I love, and who loves me. Engaged or not, my love for Sarah is absolute, and always will be. Even if we’re separated by hundreds of miles, she’ll always be the only woman I love… Though whether or not that will be enough to keep our relationship intact is another matter entirely.

This may very well be one of the last times I get to dine with Sarah like this- and I’m making sure I take in every second of it. I take in every square inch of Sarah’s appearance, every sound she makes as she’s eating, every tiny scent that drifts into my nostrils... And it hurts. It hurts knowing that soon, the woman I love may be taken far, far away from me. Please, Sarah, please don’t go…