David buries his wife after she loses her fight against cancer. He is nearly 50, and their children are now grown up, so he breaks the news that he is going to undertake that which he wanted to do for as long as he could remember — a sex change. He had struggled with his transsexuality all his life, but his love for his wife and respect for her meant he just played the hand that he had been dealt, up to now, that is.

Meanwhile, in the USA, grizzled Police Chief John Collingwood comes to near breaking point. Stressed from his job, his grief over his dead wife, and the despair of near alcoholism, he embarks on a trip to the UK with his brother to seek out his family tree.

Two very different people find a very different future, they also find each other...

but will it work?

---

---

 
The Legal Stuff: A Girl Can But Dream  © 2006,2009,2010 Tanya Allan
 
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Permission is granted for it to be copied and read by individuals, and for no other purpose. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
 
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Mention is made of persons in public life only for the purposes of realism, and for that reason alone. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge.
 
The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone. If you wish to take offence, that is your problem.
 
This is only a story, and it contains adult material, which includes sex and intimate descriptive details pertaining to genitalia. If this is likely to offend, then don’t read it.
 
Please enjoy.
Tanya
 
 

 
 
 
Chapter 13
 
 

DEE

The days stretched into a week and then some, much to my frustration. November arrived with gales and heavy rain; just by way of a change.

I had done everything that I needed to do, but the wheels of medical/legal bureaucracy grind along so damn slowly!

Finally, better very late than never, the certificate of gender recognition arrived on November 18th. I was now free to apply for my birth certificate to be changed in line with my accepted gender. I sent everything off, hoping that now I was almost in the clear.

I called John every day, sometimes twice. He was busy, or so he told me, both at work and on the ranch. He told me that the board for his replacement was due to be held in a week, so that was a relief. He had to review how the department did things, so as to make the handover as easy as it could be. He had been there so long that the department ran itself. With him, and then Steve leaving, he knew that he would have to ensure that the working systems and practices were logged and enforced by standing orders.

His leaving was not popular with those in the department, or even the town folk generally. He had made an enormous impression on the place and would be sorely missed.

“I pity the poor person who takes over from you. You’ll be a tough act to follow,” I told him on the last occasion we spoke.

“We’re holding the appointment interviews next week, and whoever gets the job will be just fine. I’m not as great as people think I am,” he said.

“Yes, you are, actually,” I said.

He chuckled.

“You’re biased.”

“Yes, but then so is everyone else.”

“I give up. So, what’s happening on your end; any chance of seeing you soon?” he asked. He was as fed up with me not being with him as was I.

“Well, you know that I finally sent off all my applications and should hear in the next few days. I had no idea how slowly these things take, it’s maddening! I’ve hung on because I don’t want to come back if there’s a problem. Oh, and I finally heard from my Stephen. He got my letter and managed to get to a phone. He was very surprised at our engagement, but I think he was pleased. He had loads of questions for me, and says he wants to meet you and the girls. The ship he was on redeployed to the Gulf in the middle of October.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. Saddam is making all kinds of noises. I just hope there’s not another conflict out there. George W Bush has just formed a new federal department called the Department of Homeland Security. I guess the full legacy of 9/11 has taken time to filter through to the top.” John said.

“Is there likely to be another war?”

I imagined John shrugging. My God, how I missed him!

“Hell, I hope not, but I get the feeling that George W won’t rest until Saddam is ousted.”

I felt immediately uneasy for my son.

“I spoke to Sarah yesterday and she wants to know what our plans are for Christmas.”

“Have we got any?” he asked.

“Not that I know of, but Charles’ parents have asked them to join them for the holidays. Sarah didn’t want to commit until she knew that I was not going to be all on my own.”

“Do you have a burning desire to be with your kids?” he asked.

“I’d love to be with them, but I’m sensitive to the potential awkwardness of my situation with the extended family and other friends. Charles is quite keen for them to be with his parents, so I feel that would be right. Perhaps we could have them over New Year, or something?”

“Well, that sounds great. My girls have asked to make sure you’re with us in the States over the holidays.”

“I haven’t spoken to Jon, but he was muttering that Sophie wanted him to join her family this Christmas. I don’t blame him really, as
the last couple have been pretty gruesome for one reason or another.”

“I guess the Marine won’t be able to join us, then?”

“I doubt it, but you never know. Has Annie been badgering you about him?”

He chuckled his assent.

“She’s a minx,” I said.

“So, when are you coming back?”

“Soon, I hope. The weather here is foul at the moment. I called the help-desk yesterday about my birth certificate, and they said the application has been approved and it just needs to be sent through to the department for recording the details and printing off the copies for me. Once I get them, I’m free of the red-tape.”

“How about the book; many sales?” he asked.

“Respectable but not earth shattering. My publisher is planning a pre-Christmas advertising splurge so we’ll have to wait and see.”

“They don’t need you for that?”

“No, not that they told me, anyway.”

We hung up, reluctantly, as always. I loved Dorset, but found it quite remote in bad weather. It was a long way to go anywhere, and all my family were spread out. I missed them, but I missed John dreadfully.

In my solitude, I busied myself by writing a lot and painting a little. I found myself talking to Delia a lot more these days. I sensed that she was happy for me. I missed her more than ever, but knew that the big hole she left in my life would never be filled the same way. I began to learn to live with the hole and cherished the memories I retained.

For the first time in my life, I found that I was able to concentrate for several hours at a time without being distracted.

Previously I had been terrible, unable to concentrate very long doing anything. The slightest thing would distract me, and I’d be off at a tangent.

Writing was like that. Once I settled down to write, I found the stories wrote themselves. I often didn’t know what the characters were going to do until they did it. I had no idea regarding plots, sub-plots or anything, but the chapters seemed to pile up.
I wrote some Christmas cards to friends and family. Many had not heard from me, and I had to choose carefully who to send a card, particularly as I signed them, ‘Dee Cartwright’.

The few friends I had in the area asked me round for coffee, tea and the occasional meal. None had met John, so, although pleased that I had found someone quite quickly, were not able to relate completely to my situation.

At the end of November, I travelled up to stay for a while with Sarah, as she was feeling guilty that she was going to her parents-in-law for Christmas.

I spent a lovely two weeks with them, appreciating the valuable time spent with my granddaughter, who now called me Gan-gan. I felt I’d arrived! Charles’ mother was called Granny, and so I was quite pleased not to have that name.

Jon and Sophie popped down from university for a weekend on my return to Dorset, and so we discussed Christmas. I stated that I was intending to spend it with John in the States, but everyone was welcome to come and visit for New Year if they wanted to. Sarah and Charles couldn’t due to work commitments and social engagements, but I left Jon and Sophie mulling it over. I told them I’d pay, so that was a little incentive.

Sophie was still uncertain about me, so on one of the less unpleasant days, I took the opportunity to go for a walk with her.
I was able to share a little of my history and asked her what she felt about it.

“When Jon told me, I’m not sure what I thought. Then, when I met you, I thought he was joking, and I still find it hard to imagine you were ever a man. I’m not that knowledgeable about sex-change and gender confusion, so I’m not sure what I expected. It certainly wasn’t what I found when we met. My parents are, how best can I put this? They’re rather fundamental Christian and don’t really accept things like this easily. I told them that Jon lost one parent to cancer and there’s only you now. I’m sorry, but I just find it easier to not tell the whole truth.”

“Will you ever tell them?”

“I don’t know. I love Jon to bits, and it’s not an issue with us. My parents saw that photo of you and, well, they assumed you were his mother and I didn’t correct that assumption. I don’t see much of them, as we sort of fell out a few years back. I’m going for Christmas more for my sister than anything. She’s in her last year of school and doesn’t want to be alone with them. To be totally honest, and I’d hate for you to think badly of me for this, but I would rather be with you and Jon than my own parents. I think you’ve been amazingly brave and I admire what you’ve done. Very few people can be as true to their feelings as have you.”

“Brave or very stupid,” I said.

“No, not stupid; for anyone can see that this is who you should always have been.”

Sophie and I became friends after that. I hoped they’d both come visit me in America.

Then, when I had convinced myself that they’d forgotten about me, a large buff envelope plopped through my letterbox.

I was now legally and officially Ms. Deborah Cartwright – Female, with a birth certificate to prove it.

I was on the phone to the travel agent within minutes, arranging my flight for Phoenix.

However, it wasn’t to be, not as quickly as that, at any rate. I had hoped to get a flight within a few days, but there was nothing for a week. Then, just to cap it all, I received a very rare phone call from my son Stephen.

“Hi Dee,” he said.

“Steve, how wonderful. Where are you?”

“Portsmouth.”

That stunned me.

“I thought you were in the Gulf?”

“I was, but the ship we were on had to return. We’re being re-equipped and undergoing some training. I’ve some leave coming up
in a couple of weeks, so hoped you might be around.”

“Not over Christmas?” I asked, with my heart sinking.

“Might be. Have you any plans?”

“I was about to fly back to the States. I’m spending Christmas with John and the girls. I’d love it if you could come out and stay with us for a while. I asked Sarah and Jon but they’ve made other arrangements.”

“Cool, look, I’m not sure of the dates yet, so if I could check and get back to you in a day or so?”

“I had hoped to fly back this week, but the earliest flight I could book is next week; Monday or Tuesday. You can’t get back to me sooner, can you?”

“I’ll try. Are you sure they’d be happy with me tagging along?”

“They’d love it, the girls in particular. They’re all dying to meet you.”

He chuckled on the other end of the line.

“This is bloody surreal,” he said. “I mean, two years ago I thought I had the most ordinary and boringly standard family in the world, and now I’m talking to my dad, who is now a woman, about spending time with her new husband-to-be and his family. It’s not something I could discuss in the mess, right?”

“I’m sorry; I never intended to cause you so much grief.”

“Oh, don’t be daft, Dee, it’s not grief, but you have to admit it’s a bit bloody odd,” he said.

He had such a refreshing attitude. I possessed so many hang-ups over my own status, but he seemed very matter-of-fact about it all. He wasn’t about to shout things out from the rooftops, but he was able to share things with people he trusted, and it appeared that they were equally accepting and not phased by things as was my generation.

He rang me later that same day to tell me that he would be able to join me and had been granted leave over Christmas.

“I have to be back with my unit on the 6th of January,” he said.

I was over-the-moon until he explained.

“There is a feeling that we might be busy come the spring, so we’ve all been granted leave. Our colonel thinks that we might well be going up against Saddam and Iraq,” he told me.

That reinforced what John and I had discussed. I feared for Stephen once more.

“Oh, don’t worry, mum, I’ll be fine.”

It was such a little slip, but it hit me hard. I started to cry, and for the life of me, I’m not sure why.

Misinterpreting my tears, he reinforced his impregnability.

“I really will be fine, so don’t worry about me.”

“Steve, you daft brush, I’m not that worried about you. It’s what you called me.”

“Huh?”

“You called me mum.”

“I did?”

“You did.”

“Well, that’s because you’re behaving like one. It’s not so bad, is it?”

“No, it’s not. I think I’m happy.”

“Besides, one of the chaps saw your photo the other day and assumed you were my mum. He said that he thought you looked hot,
for an old bird, that is.”

“He did?” I asked. It was strange, because I knew to what photograph he referred, and it was a copy of the same one that Sophie had mentioned.

Stephen chuckled on the other end of the phone.

“I didn’t enlighten him, as he’s as daft as a brush in any case. That would send him over the top.”

“Thanks a bunch!”

I booked us two tickets for Phoenix; a return for Stephen and an open-ended one for me.

The following days went too slowly. I told John that evening when he rang. I asked him not to tell Annie or Jenny that Stephen was accompanying me. I also told him that I’d booked Stephen a return on the 4th January, to give him a day or so to get things together before reporting back.

“I want to surprise them,” I said.

“You’ll do that all right,” he said, laughing.

“I’ve booked for Tuesday the seventeenth, on the same British Airways flight as the last time. Can you meet me?”
“Do bears dump in the woods?”

I laughed, feeling so happy to be heading back to him.

We spent some time in idle chit chat, but then I remembered that the interviews were over.

“Who got the job?”

“My old buddy Lewis. He was the best of the bunch, just. There were a couple who were close.”

“Are you pleased?”

“Yes, I guess I am. He’s a known quantity and I trust him. The others were good, but lacked the breadth of experience that Lewis possessed. It was a unanimous decision, I’m pleased to say.”

“So, when does he start?”

“He has to give his department three month’s notice. I said I’m willing to hang on for the handover on April the 1st.”

“That sounds fine to me. Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked.

“Do bears….?”

I laughed.

On Friday, I sent off two manuscripts to my publisher, hoping that she might just look favourably at them. I liked them, but then I was biased.

Stephen arrived in a spray of gravel on the Saturday evening, leaving his battered old Ford on my drive. I hoped the local police
wouldn’t think it was an abandoned stolen vehicle.

We spent a very pleasant weekend, heading off to the New Inn for dinner. The landlord and his wife knew me quite well by now, as I often popped in for a light bite when feeling particularly lazy. There was an enormous Christmas tree in the corner and a roaring fire in the grate. It was quite busy, despite the absence of tourists.

They’d decorated the place very nicely, reminding me that Christmas was only a few weeks away. I had done nothing at home, except put up a few Christmas cards that a few people had sent. When Delia and I had been together, we’d often get over a hundred and fifty cards. I think I had about twenty, and most of them were from family.

“Evening, Missus Cartwright; this your son, then?” the landlord asked as we entered.

“Yes, it is.”

“Nice to see you, young man. Up with your mum for Christmas, then?”

Stephen glanced at the various bits of military memorabilia behind the bar, as he greeted the man.

“No, actually, mum and I are off to the States for Christmas, as she’s off to be with her husband to be. I’ve a couple of weeks leave so I thought I’d go too, but then I’ve got to report back just after New Year.”

“In the army, then?”

“No, Royal Marines,” Stephen said with a grin. “You?”

“Royal Green Jackets; rather too long ago, now,” the man said, patting his belly and smiling at the camaraderie of both being servicemen.

He poured Stephen a pint of beer, and me a glass of Pinot Grigio.

“On the house, Missus Cartwright, as we have to look after our servicemen, don’t we?”

We enjoyed our meal, sitting near the fire under the smoke darkened beams.

“This is a bit weird, I have to admit,” he said, smiling.

“I’m sorry. I knew it would have its difficult moments, but in all honesty, I had no idea what would happen at all.”

He glanced round at the other patrons; none of whom paid us the slightest notice.

“You’ve landed on your feet here,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, had you stayed up at home, our old home, I mean, it would have been hard to just start out from fresh. You are what you look like, so no one bats an eye.”

“That was the whole intention.”

“Well, you look good, I have to be honest, I was never sure what you’d end up like. It scared me a little, on your behalf, as I know
how cruel people can be.”

“Thanks, but I’m fine.”

“I can see that. But I’m still not sure I can get my head round you getting married to a man. I know, it’s perfectly natural, but you’re my dad, for Pete’s sake.”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated.

He waved it away as being of little consequence.

“So, what’s Arizona like?” he asked.

“Different as you could imagine. Dry and hot, or it was when I was last there. I understand it can get quite cold at night at this time of year.”

“Tell me again how you two met,” he asked.

So, we sat and talked. It was about the first time we had talked properly for years.

“It’s daft,” he said. “But I can see mum in just about everything you do. It’s like you’ve taken over all her mannerisms and speech patterns.”

I smiled.

“It was a mantra for me as I went through the transition – ‘How would Delia do this?’. I found that I had her so close in my mind’s eye all the time. I almost feel that I’m living her life as well.”

“Well, if I didn’t know, I wouldn’t be able to tell that you had once been my dad.”

“I still am your dad. You can’t take that away from me.”

“No, Dee, you were my dad. I think you’re more my mum now; if that’s all right with you?”

I cried again, as that was about the nicest thing he could have said to me. That night, after I’d gone to bed, I lay awake for a long time, thinking about Delia and how she would have reacted to what I had undergone. I still sensed she was almost watching and looking after me with helpful hints from beyond the grave.

In the end, we arranged a taxi to take us to the airport, as it was cheaper than the long-stay car park.

Chapter Fourteen

John

“When is Dee coming back?” Jenny asked, as she walked into the kitchen with a box of Christmas decorations.

Both girls were over for the holidays and were planning to festoon the house with all the decorations and then some, just like their mom had always done. Last year I hadn’t bothered, and there had been an air of despair hanging over the ranch. We had all moped around, with me drinking too much and wallowing in a pool of self-pity.

Annie was delayed as she and her boyfriend, Matt, were staying a couple of nights with Matt’s parents before Christmas. Her boyfriend was planning to be with us for Christmas Eve and up to New Years, so it would be good to have a full house.

“I’m going to pick her up from the airport later today,” I said, trying to control my excitement. I really had not felt such feelings of anticipation for years, and I almost felt ashamed of myself. It was an alien experience.

“Cool, can I come?”

“Sure, if you want to. But it’s no big deal,” I said, casually.

Then she frowned.

“What?” I asked.

“Oh, it just occurred to me, Daddy; you guys may want to be alone. After all, you haven’t seen each other for weeks, have you?”

I laughed.

“Honey, we’re not kids, so I think we can resist tearing each other’s clothes off until after we get home.”

Jenny chuckled, looking at the box in her hands.

“Do you think she’d rather come home to a decorated home, or help decorate it?” she asked, looking around.

I was interested that she used the expression – ‘come home’ in respect of Dee, as if this was now her home. I had to swallow and look away.

“I have no idea. I guess she’d be happy with both. Why don’t you do some and leave the tree so you can do it together?”

“Okay. Do you think she’s sad at not being with her kids and grand-daughter this Christmas?”

“Yeah, she is, a little. But they’ve all got their lives to lead, and she spent two weeks with little Amy a while ago, so I guess she’s fine with it.”

“It must be a worry with a son in the marines; what with the chance of getting killed in the Middle East.”

“Yeah, I guess it must be. But, hey, she says that she’s proud of him, so she’s pleased that he’s doing what he wants to do.”

She emptied the box onto the living room floor, so I went to my study to catch up on the department standing orders. They had not been updated since God knows when.

A little while later, I checked my watch again, for the thousandth time in a short spell.

“We go in ten minutes!” I shouted.

It was nice having Jenny with me on the drive to the airport. Two hours didn’t seem all that long, except for today, as I so wanted to see Dee again. I never thought it could be possible to miss someone as much as I missed her.

Jenny kept up a constant stream of chatter, which made me join in. It helped the time pass.

I pulled off the Papago Freeway and drove to the parking lot for Terminal Four. The airport is simply designed, with the four terminals in a line between the Papago to the Expressway. The parking lots are in the centre, with the terminal buildings either side.

After parking the pickup, we walked into the terminal to await the BA flight. I checked the monitor to see it was ahead of schedule by around ten minutes. That meant it had already landed, so we sat to wait for the baggage to be unloaded.

“Daddy, do you want a coffee?” Jenny asked.

“Sure, we might as well. I reckon we’ve about half an hour before she gets through.”

We sat at a small coffee stall, from where I could see the arrivals.

“She means a lot to you, eh daddy?”

I nodded, looking down into my coffee cup.

It was hard to understand, when I looked at it rationally. By all that was sane and logical, I should have never have allowed things to get this far. But sanity and logic had nothing to do with feelings. Dee understood me better than anyone I knew, and yet, if I was honest, we hardly knew each other.

She possessed a past that neither of us really wanted to think about, but we were living for the now and as many tomorrows as were left us.

In the past Sally was dead, as was Delia. In the past there was a man called David who, by all the evidence, was as dead as Sally and Delia.

Dee and I were today people. The past contained stuff that neither of us needed or wanted any more.

Yes, there were memories, some wonderful, some terrible and some in the middle. But that’s all they were – memories. They would stay in the past while we lived for the future.

“Yes, Jen, she does,” I finally answered.

“I’m pleased. She’s really sweet, and well, I know this might sound strange, but I think mom would have approved.”

I smiled, feeling the tears well up as they did whenever I thought of Sally. But they didn’t well up as much as they used to.

“Do you still miss her? Mom, I mean?”

“Oh yes. The hurt is still as strong, but I guess I’ve learned to live with it. Dee helps, in that she takes my mind off the pain whenever she’s with me. The fact she’s been through the same experience helps.”

“So, being without her for these last few weeks was tough, huh?”

I nodded again, glancing at the arriving passengers.

I saw her son first, without knowing who he was. For a moment, I thought I recognised him, and then glanced sideways to see her walking beside him. He pushed the cart containing the baggage while she only had her purse slung on her shoulder.

Then I remembered the photograph of the young Marine officer. He was taller than Dee, and broad. He looked like what he was; strong, fit, and tough-looking and controlled. He wore jeans, hiking boots and a leather jacket, but he still looked military. I smiled, wondering what Jenny’s reaction would be.

Dee looked amazing. She was dressed more for an English winter than for Arizona - in boots, a skirt and blouse with a sweater and navy jacket.

She saw me and simply smiled. That smile said it all. My heart melted and I knew that whatever was in the past would stay there; for she was the person of my future.

“She’s here!” I said, pointing. Jenny looked and waved when she saw her.

“Is that her son?” she asked.

“Yup, that’s Stephen. He got some leave from the Marines, so tagged along. I said I didn’t think anyone would mind.”

“Daddy! You knew and never told me?”

I simply laughed as she punched me on the arm.

“Hi big fella,” Dee said as she came up to me.

“Hi you. You okay?”

“Am now,” she said, kissing me.

Stephen looked embarrassed, which I kinda accepted.

“Stephen, right?” I said, shaking his hand.

“That’s right, sir,”

“Hey, no sirs, okay Stephen? I’m John. Good to meet you at last. I’m pleased that you got some leave. Oh, this is Jenny, my
daughter,” I said, introducing him to her.

“Hi,” he said, giving her a smile that probably melted girl’s hearts across the globe.

“Wow, you’re so like your mom,” she said.

“Not as much as Sarah, my sister. She looks like a clone. I take after…, well, my other parent,” he said, awkwardly.

I guess Jenny assumed that it was all to do with the recent death, so neither Dee nor I enlightened her. That was probably down the line a ways. I changed the subject.

“Good flight?”

“Excellent. It’s the first time I’ve flown Club Class. It pays to fly with Dee, as she’s become a snob and won’t fly economy.”

We walked out to the pickup, where I helped Stephen sling the bags into the back.

“New car?” Dee asked, looking at the pickup. It was a recent acquisition, as I reckon that with retirement and a new wife, a new pickup was in order.

“Yeah, I traded in the old one. This has the bigger cab.”

“I like it. Mind you, the old one was your old friend, wasn’t it?”

I’d had the old pickup for about ten years, so she was right on the button.

I just smiled. That was the great thing with Dee, we didn’t actually need to speak to share our feelings. Somehow, we just knew.

Dee sat up front with me, while Stephen sat in the back with Jenny.

For the first few miles we caught up on news, despite having spoken to each other on the phone everyday, we seemed to have a lot to talk about.

As I drove and talked with Dee, I couldn’t help overhearing the pair in the back running their own conversation, with him asking her more questions than the other way around. I know Jenny was a little shy, but she seemed interested in him enough to ask about his job and stuff.

He was relaxed and easy-going, which was a change from Jenny’s last boyfriend, who was uptight and a real pain in the ass.
I glanced at Dee and she gave me a knowing smile. I knew she was thinking about how to tell Jenny and Annie the truth about her past. I figured that not telling them was never going to be an option.

I just didn’t figure on it happening so fast.

The four of us had a real mellow evening, eating some chilli and tortillas that Maria produced. Dee was only too content to let her do the cooking having been travelling for so long.

At one point in the evening I found myself alone with Stephen drinking beer and watching the fire glow. Dee and Jenny were in the basement, looking at Christmas tree ornaments or something.

“Can I ask you a personal question,” I asked.

“Certainly.”

“How are you doing with everything that’s happening?”

He stared at me for a moment and then looked at the fire, smiling.

“It’s funny, Dee kept asking me and I suppose the answer is fine, now. It didn’t used to be, as when she first told me what was going to happen, it was like a nightmare. I just couldn’t imagine what would make my dad do something like that.”

“I can imagine. I mean, if my dad had come out with it, I think I’d have just laughed thinking he was joshing me.”

“At no time did any of us think it was a joke. On that day, when he called us together and told us, he gave us each a letter that Mum had written before she died. He carried that curse with him all his life and never let on. Never once did any of us get a glimpse of what he must have been feeling. We all thought we had a perfect family, or perhaps as near perfect as we could get. Sure, they had disagreements and rows, but they were always there for us and I know they idolised each other.”

He paused, taking a swig from his bottle.

“I’m afraid that I just went off and did my thing. I’d only just joined my unit, so there was a lot to do. I lost myself in my work and occasionally called Sarah to get the SP of what was happening with da.., with Dee.”

“SP?”

“Sorry, starting price. It’s an expression for getting the low down, or all the updated information.”

“Okay, I’m with you; go on.”

“When I finally met her, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I mean, Dee is not the same person as my dad, no matter what anyone says. It was tough, I saw a counsellor without telling anyone, and she told me that it’s the same as suffering bereavement. Man, I’d just been through my mum’s death, and this was nothing like it. For a start, my dad was gone, but Dee was very much here and.. , put it this way, I even called her ‘mum’ several times.”

“And now she tells you she’s getting married to me. Tough to take in, I guess?”

“Telling me was one thing, but meeting you and seeing how she relates to you is something else altogether. When I thought about it all, it just seemed wrong. But now I’ve seen exactly who and what she is, met you, seen the ranch and can understand everything more clearly; I can see it’s as right as it gets.

“In answer to your question, I’m fine with it; no, I’m better than fine. I’m really thrilled for her that she’s finally the person she always wanted to be, and that she’s so happy. My worry is the world is a cruel, unforgiving place, and others may not want her to find happiness.”

I regarded this young man with new respect. He was no fool and told things the way he saw them.

“That’s my job,” I said. I’ll do my darndest to protect her from whatever shit the world has to offer.”

He grinned at me.

“The problem is you might get as much shit at the same time,” he said.

“Yeah, I figured that, but, hey, I think I can take it.”

Stephen smiled and raised his beer.

“I think you might just, at that,” he said.

We were interrupted by Jenny who was clearly upset or certainly surprised. I immediately knew that Dee had told her.

“Daddy, ….!” she said, standing doing goldfish impressions with her mouth.

“Sit down, honey, it’s fine, I promise.

She sat, looking from me to Stephen and then to me again.

“Dee told you, huh?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Well, I kinda guessed she would. She said she would never let something like that go unsaid. It was part of the deal.”

“What?” she asked.

“She said that if my kids objected, then the whole thing is off. I reluctantly agreed.”

“I don’t object, daddy, but, hey, this is difficult to get my head around. I, I guess I just find it hard to believe.”

Stephen laughed.

“Me too. I couldn’t see my dad in Dee, no matter how hard I tried. I still can’t,” he said.

“She told me she had something she needed to tell me, and no way did I expect that!”

“It blew my mind when she told me. But, do you know, it makes no difference to who she is and what I feel about her. I felt it then and I still feel it,” I said.

“When did she tell you?” she asked.

I smiled, deciding that now was not the time to be entirely honest.

“After a couple of days of first meeting her. I felt something for her and she felt the same way towards me, so before we made asses of ourselves, she told me.”

“That took some guts,” Stephen observed.

“Sure it did. I could have just walked out of there and broken her heart,” I said, recalling that day as if it was yesterday. I then looked at my daughter.

“So, how did she tell you?” I asked.

“We were looking at some decorations and I asked about her last Christmas with her husband. She gave me a little smile and said, ‘Ah, there’s something I’d better tell you.’ Honestly, daddy, I had no idea. I mean, she’s just so… so, shit, I guess she’s just so much a woman!”

Stephen laughed, nodding, while I just smiled.

“She sure is. Even after she told me, I still couldn’t see it.”

“Hell, she was my dad, and I can’t see anything of him left,” Stephen said.

Jenny sat down next to him, placing a hand on his arm.

“It must have been a shock for you, huh?” she said.

I stood and left them to it. If I knew Dee, she was giving us space to talk about the change in circumstances, so I was beginning to worry about her.

I found her in the basement storeroom, kneeling on the floor, holding a teddy bear and crying silently.

“Hey, honey, howya doin’?” I asked.

She reached out to me, so I lowered my bulk onto the floor and held her for a while.

After a while, she got it together and smiled through her tears.

“Sorry, but I find this so hard. I’m just terrified of possible reactions.”

“I know, but as Franklin D. Roosevelt said in his inauguration speech, there’s nothing to fear but fear itself.”

“Yeah, that’s easy for him to say. Honestly, Big Jay, why is it so hard?”

I shrugged.

“I have no idea. I guess when you deal with people who you care about; giving potentially awkward news is always hard to do. Take
your kids, when you told them, was it easy?”

“Hell no, it was simply awful, but I had to do it.”

“That’s because you’re a wonderful person who can’t live a lie or let others believe something is other than it really is. You and I both know that you didn’t have to tell me, or my kids. We would have been content in ignorance.”

“That’s bollocks and you know it. The truth would have come out some time, and the later it comes, the more harm it can do.”

I nodded.

“I guess.”

Two heads popped round the door.

“You guys okay?” Stephen asked.

“Yeah, I was worried. Look Dee, I’m sorry I freaked, but it was kinda surprising and all,” said Jenny, coming up to Dee and giving
her a hug.

“Look, I freaked because I just couldn’t believe it. So, if it’s okay with daddy, it’s okay with me. I guess you don’t want everyone to know, though?”

Dee managed a small laugh.

“Probably not,” she said.

“Seriously, Dee, are you okay?” Stephen asked.

Dee looked at Jenny, who smiled and nodded, and then at me. I gave her a squeeze.

“I think we’re okay,” she said.

While we were here, we all carried the boxes of decorations up for the girls to go through more thoroughly. We had the boxes all
piled on the dining table.

Jenny started to laugh.

“Say, Dee, can I be there when you tell Annie and Matt?” she asked.

“Don’t be cruel, Jen!” I said.

“I just want to see her expression. I know my sister and she’ll be fine with it, particularly if Stephen is here. I mean, who couldn’t be
when he’s around?” she then smiled at Stephen in a way I’d never seen her look at a guy before.

I glanced at the young man in question and noticed he went slightly red. I wondered if some little spark hadn’t affected those two. I looked at Dee and I guess she had noticed too. She smiled at me before answering.

“I will tell her with everyone around, if that’s what you want?”

“You do it whatever way you feel is right, and don’t listen to my harpy daughter,” I said.

“I just need to know that everyone who might be affected by me is okay with my past. I don’t believe in secrets, as, in my limited experience, secrets tend to bring disaster and strife.”

Jenny hugged Dee.

“Hey, I couldn’t tell before I knew, and I can’t tell now, so I’m good.”

Dee wept with relief and joy, hugging her back. I glanced at Stephen and we both looked at each other in that embarrassed way guys do when they don’t really know what to do. Nothing seemed the best course, as within a few moments the girls were going through the box and deciding how best to decorate the tree. The tree that I had yet to acquire, I might add.

Chapter Fifteen

Dee

Oh my God!

It never gets any easier, does it?

I couldn’t sleep.

As I lay in bed that night, next to John, who was snoring for America, I thought about what he had said.

There’s nought to fear but fear itself.

I think it’s been quoted by a lot of people over the years, but it is very true. I was riddled by fear. Every waking moment was etched in the stuff, as I waited for that reporter, or that nosey parker who had done just a little research and had decided to tell the world.
I wasn’t afraid for myself, but my real fear was of others being hurt by my actions, and it was almost crippling.

Jenny had been wonderful. Having determined that I would tell her on the first chance I got, I’d told her in a casual and offhand manner, taking the opportunity when we’d been alone in the basement.

Her initial reaction had been to laugh, as she clearly thought I was joking. When she realised I was serious, she’d freaked in a very little way, as she said.

Stephen’s presence had a lot to do with her acceptance. His gentle acceptance and relaxed manner was infectious. If he was calm, then those around him became calm. He’d make a wonderful officer, I thought.

I hadn’t missed the little non-verbal exchanges that Jenny and he had exchanged. In a way I hoped that they’d get together, but that in itself brought more thoughts and fears.

Shit!

Why was I such a worrier?

My past life was literally like a different life. It was becoming dimmer and dimmer with every passing day, and yet it took very little to bring back the consequences of my decision.

I glanced at the snoring monster who lay beside me in the gloom. In the darkness I smiled, resting a proprietary hand on his shoulder. He mumbled in his sleep.

“You’re snoring!” I admonished, not really expecting my words to do any good.

“Hmph!” he replied, rolling onto his side and, glory be, stopping snoring.

I rolled over so I was behind him, and cuddled him spoon fashion. I took strength from his warmth. He, like Stephen, exuded confidence and strength. I needed all I could get at the moment.

The next few days passed in a haze of laughter and joy. I’d enjoyed many happy Christmases over the years, and this ranked among one of the most wonderful. I was sad that my other children weren’t with us, but understood. Besides, it was more than made up for by Stephen’s unexpected presence and my new family-to-be.

I missed Delia more than I thought I would, but rarely got time enough alone to dwell on the fact. I knew John missed Sally without ever having to raise the subject.

Matt and Annie arrived on Christmas Eve, as expected. I knew that I had to tell them, so gritted my teeth and did so when we were all washing up after the evening meal. Maria had the holidays off, so we all mucked in to cook and do the dishes.
Matt, Stephen and John were doing something manly to avoid the washing up, so that gave me the chance to speak to Annie with just her sister present.

“Annie,” I said. “I told Jenny, so it’s only right that I share something about my past. It’s quite hard for me to tell you, but it’s something that just has to be said.”

She gaped at me as if I was about to announce I was pregnant or something.

“I wasn’t always like this. I was actually born a boy. I transitioned from being a male quite recently, and that isn’t something that I could keep from your family.”

Her jaw dropped further, while Jenny started to snigger, stifling it with her hand.

“That’s a joke, right?”

I shook my head.

“Shit; does Daddy know?”

That was too much for Jenny, who simply collapsed with mirth.

“So, Stephen is still your son, right?”

“Oh yes, only it wasn’t me who gave birth to him.”

She sat on the stool by the breakfast bar, with both hands up to her face.

“Oh my God! Are you sure this isn’t just a joke?”

“I wish it was, but no, I was born a male.”

She shook her head.

“Then someone goofed; coz you are way too feminine to ever have been a proper man.”

I smiled.

“See,” said Jenny. “She’s fine with it as well. I told ya!”

“Seriously, Dee, if you never said anything, I’d have never have guessed, not in a million years,” she said, pausing for a moment.

“Say, why did you tell us; there’s no reason to?”

“There’s every reason to. I told John that unless everyone knew and was okay with my past, I’d not marry him. You see, if this came out in a couple of years, think of the type of shock-waves it could cause. If it comes out now, then everyone who matters already knows.”

“I guess you’ve got a point,” she said, shaking her head and smiling. “Wow, that was a real doozie.”

“You are okay with it, aren’t you Annie?” her sister asked.

“Sure, I think it’s kinda neat, but I still can’t really believe it. You look more like what a woman should look like than most women I know.”

“Thanks, I think,” I said. I then told both girls my story in some detail. They sat with rapt attention until I finished.

“When did Daddy find out?” Annie asked.

“She told him just after they met,” Jenny said.

“Did he freak out?” she asked me.

“Not really. I did though. I was terrified of losing him, but knew I couldn’t let myself fall any further in love with him without him knowing the truth.”

“I bet he said it didn’t matter?”

“Something like that.”

“I mean, this is kinda weird, as you read about stuff like this, and see it on TV, but I never thought it would happen in our family.”

“I’m sorry, Annie. I didn’t mean….”

“Oh, no, Dee, don’t get upset, I just have to get my head around this.”

Jenny giggled again.

“That’s what I said, but it doesn’t take long,” she said.

“When did you find out?” Annie asked Jenny.

“A couple of days ago.”

“Will you tell Matt?” I asked.

“Yeah, but he won’t care a damn.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yeah. His college friend transitioned in their final year and Matt is still one of the few friends she has from those old days. I had a
thought, is it legal to marry a transgendered person?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I’ve done some research, and it is legal in some states over here and some other countries. We’ll find somewhere that is legal and recognised by wherever we settle,” I said.

Jenny looked shocked.

“You mean you’re not going to live here?” she asked.

“I love it here, but I’ve got my home in England. My family is over there, just as John’s is over here. I’m British, so there may be difficulties getting residential status. We just don’t know. Certainly there are no plans not to live here, for at least some of the time. What would be ideal would be to have the summer in England and then when it gets bleak and cold there, come over here for the next six months. There are so many variables that we won’t know for certain for a while.”

“I can’t imagine daddy living anywhere else,” Jenny said.

I picked up the message that was clearly not stated. I needed to reassure her, and her sister if need be, that I was not about to remove her father from her life.

“If it helps, neither can I. I’m not going to force him to do anything. I fully acknowledge that his life is here, with all his friends, his family and his past. I’d love to stay here, but need to be able to go back to England from time to time. To be honest, I need to make a new future, so I’m not as tied to the past as your dad. I think that I’ll be more flexible to moving to a different place than John.”

“Yeah, as Grammy is still around, so he’ll never go far away.”

“I so enjoyed seeing Jean the last time,” I said.

“You’ll see her when we go visit with her for New Years,” said Annie.

“Oh?” I said.

“It’s like a tradition; the whole family gets together to see in the New Year. I think she’s having Christmas with Aunty Pam and our cousins. Then they’ll all take her home and stay so they’ll be there when we go over,” Jenny said.

“Good. That sounds like fun,” I said.

“Um, Dee, were you planning to tell Grammy, Aunty Pam and Ed?” Jenny asked.

“I don’t think so, although, I wouldn’t like for anyone to hear about it from the papers or another outside source.”

“I don’t think it’d be a good idea to tell Grammy. If you tell Pam, she’ll tell the whole world, and I don’t think that’d be a good idea,” said Annie.

“I agree. And Ed wouldn’t be able to get his head round it, so I wouldn’t bother telling him. It’s not like we’re that close to all out cousins, so best they don’t know,” said Jenny.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, what they don’t know won’t hurt.”

I wasn’t happy with the whole secret thing, so mentioned it to John when we were alone in bed later.

“I think the girls are right, Dee. Pam wouldn’t be able to keep it confidential, and Ed would never understand. As for mom, hell, she’s almost ninety and to be honest, she adores you for who you are, not what you once were. I’m not sure she’d understand, in any case. It’s up to you, but I suggest you hold off on any disclosure until absolutely necessary.”

“I’m not desperately happy keeping key members of your family in the dark. Let’s face it; they could be adversely affected by my past.”

“Honey, the past should stay there. If you insist on telling everyone you feel might be adversely affected, you will never stop telling people. Unless you live in a castle and never meet anyone, you’ll make new friends every day. When do you draw a line under your past?”

That shut me up for a while.

“Okay,” I agreed. “I will call it a day with those who know now. But I reserve the right to tell anyone if I feel it is right.”

John smiled, nodding.

“I can’t argue with that. Trust me, Pam doesn’t need to know. She wouldn’t believe it even if she heard it from a reputable source. In fact, no one would. Dee, put the past behind you and accept you’re a great looking woman who looks younger than her years. Not only will most people not believe you’re transgendered, they also won’t believe you’re old enough to be a grandmother.”

“You’re just saying that, I know…”

“No, Dee, this is me speaking. I say what I think and think what I say. Just look forward and forget the past. If it rears its ugly head at some point then we’ll deal with it together, so stop beating yourself up and draw a damn line.”

I’d not heard John sound quite so forceful with me. I wisely shut up at that point. I sat there thinking about all that had been discussed, so was silent for a while.

John broke the silence after a few minutes.

“Not mad at me, huh?” he asked.

“Hmm? No, not at all; I’ve just been thinking about what you and the girls said. You’re probably right, but I think I’m a little neurotic about everything to do with my past.”

“That’s understandable, but let’s face it, our future is not going to have much in common with your past, is it?”

“There are my kids,” I pointed out.

“Like Stephen and Sarah?”

“Yes, but…”

“I’ve met them both and they’re fantastic about it all. Even your son-in-law is pretty damn good, which is amazing really. It says a lot about the person you now are.”

“All right, I surrender. I promise that I will not utter another word about telling anyone.”

“Good, now, as it’s already Christmas morning, can we go to sleep?”

Chuckling, I kissed him goodnight and lay in his arms, blissfully content, for the moment.

Christmas can be a terrible time if your memories overwhelm you. I know several people who can hardly face the season, as they are bombarded by memories of parents or children who are not longer here. One woman I know simply goes to a five star hotel in The Gambia for three weeks. Being a Muslim country, they aren’t into Christmas and she is able to run away from her memories.
My memories were of happy times and a great void. I know I have already mentioned that I missed Delia, but that wasn’t the big one. The big one was actually not someone I had known.

John, Annie and Jenny were all deeply affected by not having Sally present. It wasn’t the first Christmas they’d fought through, but it was the first one with me in the middle, taking her place, so to speak. Perhaps that was why I was over-conscious of her.
In a way it took away some of the pain of my own memories of Delia.

Despite the dark shadows of the past lurking just off centre stage, we all managed to have a lovely Christmas day.

I was awake at seven-thirty, and lay there next to John, listening to him snore and enjoying the warmth of his presence next to me. However, he rolled over and farted, so I decided that if I wanted to keep the romance alive, I needed to get up.

The sun shone down on a very un-Christmassy landscape. It was rare that we experienced a white Christmas in England, but at least it was usually cold, dark and miserable; not sunny and warm.

With Maria off, I made pancakes for breakfast. The aroma seemed to rouse everyone quite quickly, for by nine o’clock, the whole household was in the kitchen, all in different states of dress and quaffing coffee and pancakes, with scrambled eggs, bacon and syrup.

Ten thirty saw us all dressed impeccably and heading for church.

I had never been a great church-goer. Somehow, even when facing Delia’s imminent death, I was reluctant to go to a church that I had never entered, just because I felt vulnerable. Those who filled the pews always appeared to be judgemental and patronising, so I stayed away.

Sitting in the small church alongside my husband-to-be and our respective children gave me immense pleasure. I even wore the dress I’d been wearing on that day we’d met. He said it was his favourite.

I even listened to the words and tried to make sense of them.

John had rarely attended church, either. He told me that as a child his family had attended regularly, but once he joined the police,

Sundays were just another day, and he dropped out of the habit.

“I started going just after Sally died, but found it just too hard,” he said.

But this Christmas we all went, filling one long pew near the front of the small Baptist church. Like all churches, this one filled up from the back, leaving only the front pews free for those who arrived on time, or late.

Some whispering from behind us met our arrival, which I expected. I had been seen sufficiently frequently in town, both with John and alone, for most people to know who I was by now. My neurosis told me it was because I looked like a man dressed as a woman. Common sense told me that it was because I was in the company of two very attractive young women and three good-looking men.

The service was reasonably banal and non-confrontational, which was a good thing. I was not in the mood to soul-search at this moment. Perhaps there would come a time when I considered my spiritual destiny, but it wasn’t now. I had only just got my material life sorted out, for goodness sakes!

At the end of the service, the rather sombre mood of those present evaporated almost immediately, and equally suddenly smiles were switched on and it became a different place. Everyone gathered in the small hall adjacent to the sanctuary for refreshments.
I found myself grasping a mug of coffee and talking to a jolly, rotund woman called Mary about cooking generally, and recipes for Christmas cake in particular. I found out later she was the pastor’s wife and that, once she had discovered that I was a trained chef, she was desperate to get me to come and do some cooking demonstrations for the ladies of the town. I was staggered that they knew so much about me, but then realised that in a small town, news travels fast.

I glanced over to see Stephen and Jenny in a small group of mainly young women. I gathered these were all Jenny’s contemporaries and she possessed more that a slight proprietary air as she introduced Stephen to them.

John leaned in and whispered to me, “Don’t look now, but I think my daughter has just staked her claim.”

“They each could do worse,” I whispered back, to which he chuckled and walked off to speak to someone.

Several people came up to speak to me; all were friendly and each expressed their pleasure at seeing John looking so much better. ‘Back to normal’ was an expression used more than once.

It was inevitable that the pastor took the time to come and speak with me.

Pastor Richard Young was perhaps mid-fifties and almost as rotund as his wife. Dressed in a simple grey suit with a shirt and tie, he looked far less ecclesiastical than most of the Anglican vicars that had presided over those few services I had attended in my past.

He shook me warmly by the hand. His hand was rather fleshy and sweaty; it wasn’t a desperately nice experience.

“I’m so pleased to meet you at last, Miz Cartwright, it’s good to meet someone who’s worked a miracle,” he said, after exchanging pleasantries.

“Please call me Dee. What do you mean by a miracle?” I asked, shocked and surprised.

“Well, it’s a miracle to see John looking as good as he is after all he’s been through. I can tell you, many folks in the town have been praying for such a miracle, and I guess you’re the answer to their prayers.”

Tears and emotion choked me up. It was all I could do to stay in control.

“I don’t think you know how bad things got,” he said.

“I understand it was quite low,” I managed to say.

He leaned in conspiratorially.

“Low don’t even come close, Dee. For all the bluster, some of us knew just how close he came to crumbling. From what I hear, you’ve been though similar experiences, so maybe someone upstairs knew what he was doing putting you together.”
I nodded, unable to say very much.

“I’m sorry to speak of such things at this time of year, but to see him and the girls here, with you and your fine son, well, it makes me thank God for his mysterious ways.”

“He’s helped me just as much as I’ve helped him,” I said.

He smiled and nodded.

“Yup, I figured as much. Just know, Dee, that you and your families are always welcome here.” He smiled to reinforce his words and moved off to speak to someone else.

They were all very friendly, but it was with some relief that we left to return to the ranch.

“Sorry, honey, I guess that was a little heavy,” John said as we drove back.

“Just a bit. It’s not everyday I get accused of being an answer to prayer.”

He chuckled.

“I tell myself that every day, so get used to it. They mean well, but to be honest, I ain’t got much time for their do-goodish ways.”

“I suppose church congregations are similar the world over. I think it’s nice that people were worried about you and were praying. After all, I can’t see you asking for help.”

He chuckled.

“You’re right there.”

“Then perhaps I am an answer to prayer, just as you are for me.”

“Oh, pack it in, you two, you’re making me feel queasy!” said Stephen from the back.

The rest of Christmas flowed beautifully.

I’d cook traditional Christmas fare. I knew they have turkey at Thanksgiving, so went with a goose. It was more sensible as there were only the six of us, so we didn’t want too much leftovers.

It was a fun time, and we all ate too much. After lunch we exchanged gifts and relaxed. Annie must have told Matt, as he came up to me and told me that he’d have never have guessed and he thought it was brilliant the way we had got together.

We all set off for an evening ride, which was fun. I observed that jenny and Stephen seemed to be getting on rather better than two people who had only just met, if you get my meaning.

On the Boxing Day, John invited some friends over to the ranch for an evening barbeque and dancing.

Maria and the girls pushed me out of the kitchen, forcing me to be sociable. I stayed close to John as the few friends turned out to be nearer thirty people.

It was a great evening, with too much beer and laughter. The local country dancing was fun, although I hadn’t a clue what to do or where to go for the most part. Eager hands helped me round and everyone was very forgiving.

Latterly, I sat next to John and watched the younger and fitter dancers keep going, sharing his beer and feeling very much at home.

He placed his arm over my shoulders.

“Happy, hun?”

I simply nodded and smiled.

Last word

John

Although I knew Dee had been indescribably nervous of meeting my mother and the rest of the family, the first time, she was fine this time around.

Mom was getting frail, but was still mentally alert and physically in good shape considering her advanced years. She was going to be eighty-seven soon, so I hoped that meeting Dee would ease her mind a little. I was acutely aware that she worried about me being a cop, so when Sally died, her worries got a whole lot worse.

Dee, Stephen, Jenny and I arrived there for lunch on New Year’s Eve. Matt and Annie were going to head over on the following morning, but were dropping in on his folks for the night. I saw that Ed’s car was already here, as was Pam’s.

Mom had been baking. I could smell it as soon as I opened the car door. The last time we’d been over, Dee had told her about her time as a chef, so Mom was obviously out to show her that we colonialists were as good as the Brits!

Pamela came out to meet us, eager to see Dee again. Dee wore a summer dress and looked very English against our American backdrop. She also looked beautiful and serene, despite feeling so nervous.

Dee knew that she wasn’t alone, as with Stephen and me as protection, she could run and hide behind either of us at any time. Not that Jenny would have been willing to let Stephen out of her sight. It was now very obvious that these two kids had formed an attachment that might become a problem when Stephen flew back to rejoin his unit. Dee and I decided not to bring up the subject unless it was unavoidable.

“Oh my word, you’re so much more English than ever!” Pam gushed on seeing Dee again. She enveloped the reserved Dee in her embrace. Dee smiled at me over my sister’s shoulder.

Mike, Pam’s husband came out as well, with my mother holding his arm.

I went over and gave my mom a hug, taking her from Mike. She looked up into my face and smiled at me.

“You’re looking great, son,” she said.

“I am, Mom, never been better!”

Mom’s face crumpled into a smile with tears. She shook her arm free from mine and embraced Dee as if she was her lost daughter.

Neither of them could say anything.

Both women were crying. Hell, we were all crying! I glanced over to see Stephen had his arm around Jenny, and smiled.

Dee helped Mom into the house, while we carried the various gifts and other things in behind them. Pam’s teenaged kids, Jason and Wayne stood watching as we all seemed to be balling our eyes out.

“What’s up with everyone?” asked Wayne.

“It’s a mom thing,” said their father, wiping his eyes.

We gave Mom and Dee some time alone, while I introduced Stephen to the rest of the family. Actually, I didn’t, as Jenny took that honour, keeping, I noticed, her hand firmly on his arm all the time.

Wayne and Jason looked disinterested until Jenny told them all he was a Marine officer – part of the British elite Green Beret unit.

Then you couldn’t keep them back. Pam came over to me.

“Okay, John, How are you guys?

“Fine, Pam, real good.”

“Is she still the one for you?”

“Absolutely.”

“You’re both looking good. I’m amazed how much better you’re looking.”

“Thanks, we are good.”

“Tell me, John, I’m curious. What with having a son that old, how old is she?”

“Pam, you know better than ask a woman her age.”

“Come on, John!”

“She’s just four years short of me, so a couple of years off fifty.”

“She’s older than me? No way; my God, with a figure like that and that complexion; what’s her secret?”

“You don’t want to know, unless you want to be turned into a toad,” I said, joking.

For a moment she looked horrified, but then smiled.

“Seriously, she is stunning. You look so right together. Her son is a hunk, too. I can see the family resemblance, there’s no doubt as
to who his mother is. Jenny appears to have taken a shine to him.”

“Yup, she sure does.”

“Is that a good thing; what with being a soldier and all?”

“Not a soldier, Pam, he’s a marine. Just like our guys, they’re part of the Navy. Anyway, Jenny has to make her own decisions.
He’s a great guy and, as Dee said to me recently, they could both do a hell of a lot worse.”

“I guess it keeps it in the family. So, when’s the big day, have you decided yet?”

“Who’s big day?”

“Yours, unless there’s going to be one for Jenny as well?”

“As far as I know, she not that quick. Hell, Pam, they only met each other a few days ago.”

“How long did it take you to fall for Dee?” she asked.

“Okay, point taken. Things haven’t changed since the last time we spoke about it. I guess we’ll wait until after I’ve retired. Neither of us wants a big deal, not second time around.”

“Well, don’t hand on too long, Mom isn’t going to be with us forever.”

“We won’t. I retire at the beginning of April, so we might be married by the Summer.”

“Has the department found anyone to replace you?”

“Yeah, they picked an old buddy of mine from Phoenix; Lewis Grant. I don’t think you ever met him.”

“Is he a good man?”

“One of the best. I’ll be happy to hand over to him.”

“Mom has been looking forward to seeing you guys, so much. She’s really taken to Dee. Ever since she came over the last time, she thinks she’s been heaven sent.”

“Yeah, well, she’s not the only one. When we went to church on Christmas, the pastor intimated as much to her.”

Pam laid a hand on my arm.

“Just know, John, it’s great to have you back. We can all look forward now.”

I looked at Dee as she came back out with Mom. Our eyes met and I nodded slowly. We were both free of huge weights that were our pasts. Oh, I was under no illusions that there would not be challenges and difficulties in our future together, but hey, what’s life without some challenges?

“Yup, I reckon we can at that,” I said.

……………….End?

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