---Solitude---

With the Earth safe, Michael collects his thoughts and examines Kaaren's body up close before his reunion with his wife and daughter. Meanwhile NASA tries to figure out the strange set of anomalies that lead to their salvation, while the government tightens down on the truth. Beginning of the regular season of Angel.

Angel S:1E:4 “Solitude”
By G.M. Shephard
Copyright 2012
Edited by: jeffusually
kiitylover
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Episode 4 “Solitude”

---Mission Control Johnson Space Center, Houston TX---

“Okay, everyone, quiet down, let’s get started,” Roth said, bringing his team to attention as the Secretary of Defense and several high ranking military leaders entered the room and took seats around a large conference table. Dr. Roth made a few quick exchanges with Flight Director Thompson and then proceeded.

“Listen up, this debrief of Operation THOR is to determine the cause of the events that occurred starting at 23:15 UT October 17th and concluded today at 05:51 hours. First, determine why the nuclear devices were ineffective. According to calculations, the devices should have been effective with 30% error bars in place to compensate for mass differentials. Two, ascertain the level of damage done to the Deliverance and how it managed to enter into stable orbit in its current state. Three, calculate the approximate time of death of Commander Owen based on maximum EVA time allowed by a fully charged EMU Four, determine the cause of the Icarus' sudden change of trajectory that led it away from a collision course with the planet. Finally, determine all scenarios within reason as to how the Deliverance was able to re-enter the atmosphere and land safely at the shuttle landing site without a crew piloting her,”

Roth looked at the Secretary of Defense for approval of his opening speech before proceeding. Behind closed doors he had met with them and gone over the itinerary of the debrief of Operation THOR.

“The goal of this investigation is twofold. One, to explain a series of inexplicable events that led to the Icarus passing harmlessly away from the planet. Two, to explain those events in a way that we can convincingly share with the public while giving credit to the US and Soviet Union. A lot of money was spent on this project, the the public will want to know exactly what happened. We need answers, and appealing to miracles, coded messages and sightings of angels will not be part of the official press release.” Several hands shot up. Without taking questions, Dr. Roth continued, “Look, I know what you are all going to say, believe me, I am still trying to figure out what it was that some of us saw and heard, but let me make myself very clear, whatever you think you saw out there or heard over the radio, it gets left in this room. We are all scientists and engineers, we think rationally and do not appeal to the supernatural. There is a perfectly rational scientific explanation for the events that just took place and we are not leaving this room until we find them. Do I make myself clear?”

The room responded in agreement that they were committed to the task on hand, although Roth deep down believed what his eyes saw. She was high in the sky above them and he couldn’t make out any details, but if angels did exist, what he saw a few hours ago was empirical enough proof in his mind that the Earth encountered a miracle. However, it was clear that his career was riding on the results of this investigation and if they couldn’t find a rational solution to take to the press, he would be finished.

---Big Bear, CA---

My arrival at my cabin in the mountains of Big Bear was uneventful. The cabin, built by my father back in the late 50’s, remains secluded, off the beaten path. Not many people venture this far, so it provided me with a place of seclusion while I spent some time adjusting to my new life. My closest neighbors were about a quarter of a mile away; it was a perfect place for solitude where I could stop and collect my thoughts about the events of the past few days that changed the world I live in. The cabin, built by my father’s hands, was a small source of extra income as Liz and I would rent out the property during the different seasons. Any neighbor passing by seeing a strange woman on the property would not be alarmed and think of me as just another renter on a skiing holiday.

It was my deepest hope that I might find Liz and Ashley taking refuge up in the mountains in the safety of the bomb shelter under the cabin, but the place was empty. Before I left I gave them instructions to come here in case of any emergency. I had the place modified and fully stocked to survive two years. My family was likely in the government’s contingency plan should we fail. The plan called for a vast network of massive underground tunnels that could house as many people as possible until the dust cleared and restoration programs could begin rebuilding cities and ecosystems, eventually restoring life onto the face of the Earth. Those that would survive would face great difficulties as we rebuilt the world’s civilizations. Since I was part of the team, Liz and Ashley were automatically included to be taken to the shelters in the event I should fail. The last week was nerve-racking as I had no way of knowing whether they had made it and were safe. Ever since our string of failures, I had become increasingly pessimistic and assumed the worst.

Knowing the system as well as I did, I knew it would take a few days for the government to verify the planet was indeed safe, and open the doors to the shelters. It would be a while before I knew for sure that my family was safe. Our house outside of Houston, TX was vacant, appearing to have been empty for several days, if not more. I was on edge thinking of worst case scenarios, but I was confident they were safe in the shelter, and in a matter of days, I could give them the good news, that their husband/father was still alive.

The power was on and the water running again throughout the cabin. Fortunately the freezing temperatures inside did little to bother me. It was 25 degrees inside, yet I felt like it was a warm spring day. Something I was not expecting, this alien body can sense temperature changes, but I could no longer feel cold or hot temperatures. Impervious to extreme temperature variations, there were no pain receptors to send signals to my brain that my body was either burning or freezing. It was a strange sensation, one that I was skeptical of getting used to. The sun was peeking over the mountains, having flown fast enough to overtake the morning light arriving in California earlier than when I departed the east coast. I sat on the couch and thought I would sleep for a few, until I realized I was so energetic and not anywhere close to being tired. Instead, I sat and stared at the wall until the morning sun finally caught up to me, breaking the darkness, filling the cabin with the morning’s first light.

I sat on the couch looking up at the ceiling, replaying the events of the last couple of days in my mind. Everything was still so surreal as if it were really all a dream. My death had been so certain, yet here I was back in my father’s cabin, staring at our collection of stuffed teddy bears littering our retreat home. A sudden realization hit me, driving me to my feet, and I made my way into the bedroom. In the ship, I had plenty of time to stare at Kaaren and knew quite well what she looked like, but to this moment, I had not seen my new reflection. Slowly as if I were afraid to see the image staring back, I peered around the wall and saw Kaaren’s cute, young face covered in wavy blond hair staring back at me in the bathroom mirror. My left hand and foot appeared as I garnished more courage to see the rest. Inch by inch, more and more of her leg appeared from behind the wall. A line where my body met the edge of the wall kept tracing higher and higher up, my hip coming into view followed shortly by my slightly less narrow shoulder.

“Man Kaaren is curvy as hell.” This was the feature of women I found most attractive. It was a universal symbol of femininity that human males etched into their artwork since Eve first walked the garden. Sadly my wife was lacking in this category and unless she was lying on her side, I couldn’t see much of her curves. Nevertheless, I loved her anyway. I now had my own perfect set of curves I could stare at to my heart’s content.

Finally I was standing directly in front of the mirror, still wearing the form fitting white suit. Every part of my suit, even the narrow space between my breasts, was very snug against my body. I had no idea why Kaaren chose an outfit like this to wear when she turned her body over into my care. I decided to take off the suit and see what I looked like underneath. There was a belt hugging my slender waist; it took me a moment to figure out how to unhook it. I laid it on the sink, eager to get this suit off and into something a little more practical. Scanning up and down the strange material, I looked for a way to get out of the alien garment. There was a very high neck line, with a little “V” shape where the collar came together around my neck, but no zipper. I reached behind for a rear zipper and found none, only finding what felt like a hoodie. 'Shit,' I thought, 'good thing I didn’t have to pee right now.' Searching all over, the suit was indeed one piece and I was without a clue as to how to take it off. Grabbing the neckline, I tugged, hoping it would stretch, but my efforts again failed. “There has to be a way to take it off,” I said aloud in frustration.

About to give up for a while, I noticed a couple round-shaped objects on either side of the collar where the V-shaped opening was. I touched one of them and immediately it felt as if the suit was expanding. It became slightly baggy and started to sag on my body. The weight of my breasts were no longer supported and they drooped slightly, but still appeared firm. An opening started to appear as if an invisible zipper ran down from the neck to my belly, allowing a sizable opening in which I could finally take off the suit. Instead of my average-built male chest, Kaaren’s plump cleavage appeared for the first time as the opening got bigger. I saw the silky smooth tan-colored skin of my new body for the first time. My breasts were indeed firm and a perfect shape. Kaaren’s body was very well toned, sporting a very firm, yet sexy set of abs. With great curiosity, my hands rubbed my belly just above where the opening stopped. As the top of the suit finished expanding, the alien fabric slipped down past my shoulders and hovered around my elbows. Yanking on the cuffs of my sleeves I freed my arms from the suit pulling it down below my hips. As I bent over to guide it down past my thighs, my blond hair fell in front of me, blocking my view. With the exception of a few teenage years when I grew my hair long, I have always had a short buzz cut that Liz hated. Well into my late 30’s, I still had a full head of hair, yet I kept it short not fully enjoying what many men lose at such a young age.

I stood up and saw a stunning image of the most beautiful example of the female form ever to be seen. With the exception of my long blond head of hair draping around my shoulders, covering my breasts several inches above the nipples, there wasn’t a single hair on my body. None on my legs, none around my nether regions and none on my armpits. I felt no indication that Kaaren had even shaved there. It was as smooth as the rest of my body. Reaching down I slid the attached boots off of my feet and completely removed the suit. It was still filthy from my crash landing and would require a washing. I had rather a disdain for the suit and likely will never put it on again, so I tossed it over the chair behind me. Turning back to examine my figure, I realized my hair was about as filthy as my suit and needed cleaning.

Knowing full well the time it would take for the hot water to hit the shower head, I turned the faucet on, and returned to examine my naked body as the hot water took it’s long journey from the heater to the shower head. Kaaren’s body was an absolute work of perfection and quite tall too. Hovering just below the regulation limit of 5’8”, I knew the position of the shower head well in relation to my old height. When I turned the water on, my eyes were no longer staring up at the hot stream hitting my face, rather now I was staring down at the top of the shower head. I estimated to now be about six feet or more without heels. A bit taller than your average American male. Staring into the mirror my eyes locked onto every straight male’s obsession ingrained into his being since an infant. They were stellar looking and perfectly round, drooping only slightly. I reached up to touch the nipples and give them a squeeze, when suddenly a high-pitched alarm sounded, stabbing my eardrums with a ferocious pain. Scared half out of my wits, as if Kaaren was watching me attempt to fondle her body, I covered my ears, looking for the source of the signal she was sending, warning me to keep away from her private areas. In the mirror I saw a red light coming from the ceiling. The steam emitting from the shower had blocked the smoke detector's light beam and tripped the fire alarm, causing the awful noise that was overloading my acute hearing. Relieved it wasn’t some alien defense mechanism defending her body from curious hands, I made my way to the smoke alarm to silence it, amazed at my newfound ability to reach the detector without a step stool.

After so many months wiping myself clean with a washcloth and special soap designed to be left on the body, I had dreamt of a nice long hot shower. My months of waiting finally came to an end, leaving me rather disappointed. The hot steamy shower I looked forward to felt lukewarm against my skin. Based on the amount of steam, I knew the water was hot, but my body couldn't register the extreme temperatures. After a few minutes of trying to increase the water temperature, I gave up and started my typical routine, my shower routine for my old self that is. I spent my first 30 seconds letting the water hit my back while I my years of instinct attempted to shave Kaaren's silky smooth cheeks before realizing her beautiful face was completely void of any hair for my razor to remove. 'Finally something about this body I could get used to,' I thought a minute to soon as I would find out next. The time I saved shaving, was now used up washing my hair. I rinsed the dirt and grime from my golden locks of hair, taking as much as five minutes to thoroughly shampoo, then rinse, washing every last bit of white foam down the drain. Still frightened that somehow Kaaren was watching me from 30 light years away, I chose to forgo any further exploration and lightly washed the rest of my body.

Once dried off I walked to the closet where we kept our vacation clothes when we took our winter skiing trips. None of my clothes were going to fit me other than some t-shirts. My jeans would look baggy and would be too short, looking ridiculous on this figure. Cringing at the idea of wearing any of Liz’s clothes, I took a look at her side of the closet anyway. The good news was there was a lack of dresses and other types of female clothing I had no intention of wearing even if it were socially acceptable for me to do so. Since this was our winter getaway, it was usually cold and the girls always wore pants or skiing gear.

I took all of her clothes out of the closet and laid them on the bed. Out of the shadow and into the light, the colors did radiate in a vibrance that stimulated my visual cortex. These eyes were incredible, able to see the colors and details of nature as only eagles could. Since my journey began, I had little exposure to the full visible spectrum of light. Now on the bed before me, these colors were alive like I had never seen. The pinks were on fire, and the blues were alive. Liz loved all the girlie colors that permeated current fashion. The hot pinks, bright yellows, oranges, and light blues that reeked of the deplorable 80’s trend in women’s clothing all existed in her closet. It still shocked the hell out of me how our holiday getaway had enough clothes to clothe the entire female population of a small country, not taking into account her wardrobe in Texas.

Liz’s jeans were no use. I could tell by looking at them, that they wouldn’t fit around my wide hips and would be too short.. There was nothing to wear. I was about to give up when I found a bag from Fedco. Inside were several pairs of stretchy pants with the tags still on them. Shuffling through the bag of pink, blue, and purple spandex pants, I found a couple pairs of black lycra tights that Liz was supposed to have returned three years ago as they were all mis-marked with the wrong size. I remember how baggy the pink pair looked on her petite frame. 'Someone at that store must have known I was coming,' I thought, pulling up a pair that fit nice and snug. This would give me something comfortable to wear until I could find a pair of alien-sized jeans.

Whatever the female equivalent of free balling was, that was my plan. The thought of wearing anyone’s used underwear grossed me out. Same thing with support, I didn’t want to attempt putting on a bra just yet. Something about it would finalize my situation in my mind. The lacy mess of fabric, wires and little hooks looked pointless as these puppies didn’t look like they needed support, doing just fine defying gravity on their own. A smug male smirk appeared on my face as I relished in that thought until I caught my expression in the mirror and remembered just whose body it was I was smirking at. Of the piles of clothes there was one sweater in the closet that I could wear comfortably. For Valentine’s day I bought Liz a series of red clothes, one of which was a sweater, along with a satin gown and matching robe. Red being my favorite color, I thought I she would like it too. Turns out my choice of gifts didn’t get me very far that night. Accused of not knowing her, I spent the night on the couch pissed off that she would ruin a romantic getaway over my choice of gifts. Now 5 years later, untouched by moths, it would be suitable should I go out in public. For lounging around, I grabbed one of my NASA T-Shirts and used that to cover me for the time being. Complimenting myself for avoiding all the stereotypical female colors plaguing Liz’s wardrobe, I plopped down on the bed to rest for a few.

---Recovery---

“Well Doctor, your test results are looking favorable. You will need some rest for a few days and then we can get you started on physical therapy. Your bone density is about 72%, but that is to be expected after so many months of zero gravity. Typically you lose about 2-2 ½ percent bone mass per month in micro gravity.” Megan looked over her own charts verifying all the nurse was telling her. She made a few notations and asked the nurse to check with the Doctor about changing a few treatments. “I have someone outside waiting to see you just as soon as I draw another batch of blood,” Megan waited eagerly for the nurse to finish, hoping to see her fiancé Brad walk through the door. Her excitement crumbled as a stranger in a suit walked through the door with the expression that made it clear to anyone laying eyes on him that he was all business.

“Dr. McCormack, I’m Agent Strother, NSA. I am here to go over a few things with you,” Verifying the door was sealed and no one was listening, he proceeded, “Operation THOR has been officially sealed and the details of the operation are considered classified.”

Megan as one who was working for a civilian agency on a humanitarian mission whose success affected the whole planet, started to protest, but was quickly cut short.

“As of this point, discussion with anyone outside regarding the details of the mission is punishable by up to 25 years in federal prison. Each one of you will undergo an official debrief where you will be given authorized statements you will be allowed to share with the public. Do you understand what I have just told you and acknowledge the penalties should you divulge top secret information?” Not having much choice in the matter, she nodded in agreement as Strother handed her a small stack of paperwork for her to sign. The moment her signature was gathered, he left without saying a word, leaving her alone in her hospital bed. She stared at the wall for several minutes before drifting back into a sound sleep.

---Cabin---

My father Robert Owen built this cabin in the 1950’s by the work of his own hands. After a leaving a career in the Marine Corps in 1954, he started working with a friend of his in construction and quickly became successful as a union boss. He was a tough hard core American and didn’t take crap from anyone. He had made quite a lot of money and made it to the top where all the deals with corporations and city planners were made. In 1976, after close to 20 years of working he was ready to retire with a nice fat pension to live on when he suddenly got sick and passed away after two painful months in the hospital. Liz and I had only been married for two years, and I had just begun my career with NASA the year before that. My father and I were extremely close, especially after my mother left us when I was 15. He was all I had, and his death nearly stole all my dreams and aspirations.

Sleep eluding me, I got up and walked back to the living room. I pulled the bookcase aside to reveal a door leading to the bomb shelter my dad had built under the foundation. I remember as a thirteen year old kid spending thirteen days down there in fear the Soviets would launch their missiles from Cuba. Little did I know, there were people in the Soviet Union living in the same fear that we would wipe them off the map. How stupid were we? It took an act of nature threatening the whole world to force us to grow up. As bad as the 20th Century’s conflicts were, without them, mankind wouldn’t have had the technological advancement to stop the asteroid. On the flip side to that argument, however, all the technological wonders we had, in the end, failed.

I flipped on the light switch and approached the concrete block in the floor with the large steel door. Liz was given instructions to come here if something happened and she couldn't seek safety with Ash. I had a few of my dad’s friends make some modifications to the bunker and fully stock it while I was training for our mission. Opening the heavy door was a breeze. I positioned myself on the steep set of stairs and began my descent. Pulling on the chain in the middle of the room, a light filled the center of the bunker. It was a spacious shelter with several rooms to give privacy during extended stays. Being cooped up with 6 other astronauts for 12 months was a challenge. We had only the lavatory and the space lab module should we need a few minutes to ourselves. My father knew what he was doing when he built the shelter and provided enough space for occupants to spread out. In the corner was a picture of my family long ago. My father, mother and I. I kept the family photo here in the shelter as a reminder of those thirteen days we spent down here in 1962. It was the last time my small family spent some quality time together before my mother left us. Sometimes I wish, when I come down into the depths of the shelter, I would see them together again and we could be reunited.

I grabbed the frame of the photograph and took it off the wall and set it down. A large safe permanently secured into the concrete stood staring at me. I reached up to work the combination and and dialed the combination ingrained into my memory. The safe popped open. I scanned the contents. Our family photo archive and other important documents were on the first shelf. In the second shelf was what I was looking for. A bag next to my Colt 1911 and several boxes of .45 ammo. The right to bear arms suddenly seemed irrelevant to me, having no further need of a weapon to protect myself. I withdrew the bag and opened it up. There were about five stacks of hundred dollar bills, quite a comfortable sum of money left over from my father’s estate that I decided to put away in case of an emergency. In this body, it was safe to assume I would have difficulty accessing the rest of the money Liz and I chose to save until I retired as an astronaut.

I took five hundred dollars and put the rest back and locked the safe. Returning upstairs, I sealed up the bunker and moved the bookcase back to its proper position. After about 5 minutes deciding what to wear, I was dressed and ready to go out. I settled on the tights I had on along with the red sweater over a NASA T-shirt I had. My Black Alpha Jacket was hanging in the closet next to Liz’s light blue down jacket she wore skiing. The black on orange jacket would still look good on this hot bod and I could feel normal as if it was still the original me going out. I completed my wardrobe with a pair of Liz’s boots with soft fur lining in them. They were a little tight, but I would manage as they were practical for walking on ice and didn’t add any further height.

With the cabin secured and locked up, I looked around. It was still midmorning and there was a low hanging fog that convinced me to stay grounded. Instead, I went for my first morning run in a long time, traveling down the mountain toward the town about 5 miles away. I started off in a slow jog, getting used to being on my feet, while gradually picking up pace. After about a mile, I increased my speed into a fast sprint holding at that pace in between cabins.

The sounds and sights of the town were stimulating. Everything was operating as normal despite the fact the world almost came to an end. The all too familiar smell of Mal’s diner hit me, overwhelming my acute sense of smell. Suddenly I felt like I wanted to eat, although I really didn’t feel too hungry. “Did I even need to eat, could I eat?” I wondered. Surely I would need to sustain my organic body. My last meal was three days ago, and could have gagged a maggot. The smell of greasy eggs and bacon took control and guided me through the front door.

Timidly as if I were walking into yet another new classroom after my dad was re-stationed for the umpteenth time, I ducked my head in and peeked around. The place was half full. Not wanting to be seen in such a crowded place, I turned to walk out when I heard a voice yell out to me. “Ain’t no other place in town, sugar, where you are going to get a better meal,” I turned to see Marla, the large black heavy-set wife of Mal waving me inside. “That a girl, come lets get you a table,”

“Thank you Marla, how are you this morning?” I asked as if Liz, Ashley and I had walking in for our traditional first meal of our stay. She sat me down, and looked at me.

“Surely I would remember a pretty face like that, have we met before?” I paused a moment and then pointed at her chest. “Name tag, I read your name off your name tag,”

“Well color me blind, of course. How can I forget. Gotta know the name of the person to complain to the boss about,” she said, chuckling, as she pointed her thumb towards the kitchen. “And what is your name sweet thing?”

I stopped just as quickly as I started. “Mi, Mi, My name is...Karen,” yes, good recovery I praised myself. I couldn’t think of anything else that quickly, I just altered Kaaren’s name to something a little more normal.

“Awe honey, got a bit of a stutter?” I thought I was screwed, then she continued..,”My nephew took a whole five minutes to get a sentence out. My sister finally got that poor boy some help and now it only takes about two minutes,” She started laughing without a care in the world. Fortunately I have known her for years. She and her husband came to California from Alabama in 1967 and opened the diner. It was a culinary haven for locals and popular in the skiing season when tired skiers came in search of great comfort food.

Marla left to grab my first real coffee in a year. I couldn’t wait. As much as I liked her, I was getting tired of being called sugar, sweet thing, honey, etc. It was her way of being friendly, but I was not used to being addressed as a chick even if it was some kind of term of endearment between women. Mal appeared through the door and I could see him sneaking a peek at me. Knowing Marla, she likely went back there and warned him to be on his best behavior. Mal, taking a break from the morning rush, went to the TV and turned it on. As the tube warmed up, the fuzzy image began to take shape. The news was on covering the events that transpired during the night. NASA’s PR Officer was being interviewed by a crowd of reporters demanding to know the details of the success of Operation THOR. Edwin lied through his teeth, knowing full well that no one had a clue. Saving face, and taking credit, he made up some story that most Americans would take at face value as truth. Of course the conspiracy theorists were likely taking a much needed rest from the moon landings and coming up with new stories how our government is keeping the truth from us. This time around, the skeptics I knew had every right to be skeptical.

Marla arrived with plates of food in one hand, and my coffee in the other. With great skill, she placed the coffee on the table in front of me. I thanked he and held the cup to my nose inhaling the pleasant aroma.

“Tell you what darlin', I’ll let you make love to Joe there for a few minutes and I’ll be back to get your order,” Damn she was funny. I sipped it slowly savoring every molecule. My mind was so preoccupied enjoying my hot beverage, that it took a second to register the sound of glass shattering. I looked up to see plates of food crashing to the floor around Marla’s feet. I quickly got up to help her as she fell to her knees. Due to her age and constant diet of Mal’s cooking, I feared she was having a heart attack and rushed to her side. Instead of clutching her chest, I noticed she was crying heavily, her eyes fixated in one place. The place was silent except for the TV. I turned my head, tracing Marla’s gaze to come face to face with the television. There on the tube, I saw a picture of myself.

“Once again, NASA has confirmed that Commander Michael Owen, Mission Specialist Anthony Pendleton, and Igor Yeltsov of the Soviet Union were among the casualties during during Operation THOR. Details as to how these heroes died have not yet been released to the public, but we will be here to let you know as the news breaks. All we can say is they gave their lives to save all of humanity. May the people of planet Earth never forget the sacrifice they made. This is Holly Green reporting from NASA’s Johnson Space Center, Houston Texas, back to you,” The news cut to the anchor who announced that the President will be holding a press conference at 2:30 Eastern Time.

Tears started welling up inside me. Partially due to seeing my crew’s faces on the TV, the other due to a sensitivity towards seeing others in grief. Trying to hide my own tears, I embraced Marla, kneeling down in the scattered contents of several people’s breakfasts.

“I’m so sorry,” I said in the most comforting tone I could muster. Mal came around to help me get his wife up off the floor and sit her down. A bus boy came over to start cleaning up the mess

“Thank you,” Mal said as he stood back up. “Damn shame to hear that news,”

I played ignorant and asked. “I take it you knew him?”

“Michael? Him and his family are locals part of the year. We have known him since he was a kid. Has a cabin way out yonder. Can’t imagine how proud of him we are. Imagine how excited this community got when one of our own was selected to lead the team to save our asses. We owe that man our lives,”

“Well he sounds like he was a great guy, I am sorry for your loss,” This time I succeeded in sounding sincere. 'I’m right here Mal,' I thought as I started welling up inside, 'Your boy will be back some day.'

“To Michael!” The Restaurant started shouting my name. Several locals, veterans of various armed forces whom I knew, were standing at attention saluting the TV in my honor. On this day, October 19th, 1986, I was officially dead in the eyes of the world. I snuck out the back door, and without a care in the world as to whether I was seen or not, hit the sky as fast as I could, passing through the clouds accelerating. I started screaming at the top of my lungs until the vacuum of space once again took my voice.

---Two Weeks Later---

The crowd became silent as the ceremony commenced. Hundreds were gathered on this unusually cold snowy November morning. I stood at the rear of the crowd consisting of friends and loved ones while avoiding the group of reporters and the general public. The pallbearers took guard near the row of three coffins as the priest began speaking. It's a strange feeling attending your own funeral. Of the three, one of the coffins was for sure empty. For all they knew, I was ejected into space, drifting forever to the outer edges of the galaxy. All they had to bury was a fancy coffin with a name engraved on it. A tear ran down my face as the priest spoke the traditional mantra during funerals. I had lost several friends over the years in training accidents; I almost found myself lip-syncing to the priest’s prayer.

Much of my sadness was not for the loss of my crew, but the fact my own wife and daughter had not shown up for the ceremony. It had been a two weeks and I had been unable to determine their whereabouts. Liz was not at the shelters; in fact, she was never admitted. The house was empty and she had not been to the cabin. My ability to interact with people was limited as I was now a stranger amongst friends, alone in the world. The last two weeks were agonizingly slow and painfully lonely. Unable to sleep to pass the time and unmotivated to do anything, I found myself in anguish, entertaining my worst fears. If she was alright, I would have find her by now, but she and Ashley were nowhere to be seen. Panic was setting in as my worst fears were becoming reality. Something was terribly wrong, surely if they were all right, they would have attended my own funeral.

As the priest finished the first half of the ceremony, the President took the podium, the First Lady standing to his left, while the rest of my crew stood to his right. It was my first time seeing them since I hastily left my ship just over two weeks ago. Still looking frail from the long-term effects space trips have on the human body, they nevertheless looked lively, happy to be home. I stared at my friends, barely paying attention to the speech given by the Commander-in-Chief.

“...Never forget the courage it took for the crew of the Deliverance, who risked their lives traveling so far from home, to deliver the whole world from a heartless menace that knew not race or gender, religion, or culture. One that kills without mercy and threatened the lives of every man, woman and child on the planet. The crew, aided by the thousands of people on the ground, rushed to meet this adversary and successfully sent the asteroid back into deep space where if came from. The Seven were aware of the dangers, but overcame them and did their jobs brilliantly. We mourn the loss of three heroes who laid down their lives so that the world can continue to live: Michael Owen, Lt. Douglas Pendleton, and Igor Yeltsov of the Soviet Union
For the families of the three, we cannot bear, as you do, the full impact of this tragedy. But we feel the loss, and we're thinking about you so very much. Your loved ones were daring and brave, and they had that special grace, that special spirit, the hunger to explore the universe and discover its truths, while protecting humanity with their very lives. They wished to serve, and they did. They served us all,”
The President concluded his speech that would take its place in the US history books and be quoted hundreds of years from now in the classrooms of tomorrow. Several others spoke at the ceremony; the last was Dwayne Turner, commander of “B” team and my replacement should something happen to me after our years of training for this critical mission. We got along well enough, but he was arrogant and didn’t like the fact I was chosen over him. Looking back, I almost wish he would have been picked over me. Instead it would be me standing there delivering a speech at his funeral while staring at some hot blond chick across the way like he was doing to me now.

An hour later, after the last person to publicly say their goodbyes, the ceremony finally concluded. It was painful and I felt alone as all these men and women who were part of my life in one way or another were grieving my loss. I wished I could yell out and tell them all, that I was alive and with them. It would be easy to convince Shephard, Mitri, Collins and McCormack. But it would be my curse to live in secret until one day I could return to my body. For now, no one would know their friend is amongst them living as a woman from another star.

A line formed, and we were each given the opportunity to pay our final respects before the caskets were lowered into the ground and sealed forever in a concrete memorial immortalizing those who gave their lives saving the Earth from destruction. The rest of the crew, who knew they did no such thing, would have to carry that burden of being the public hero that I cannot. Like the heroes of Iwo Jima who struggled to live with the fame for heroics that were not theirs, the surviving crew would be destined to live a lie. For me, they were the real heroes the world needed that I could not provide.

My turn came as I arrived at Pendleton’s coffin. I laid a bouquet of flowers on the coffin, pausing a moment to pay my respects. I moved to Yeltsov’s coffin that was likely empty as well as mine, his body to be buried in Russia. His empty casket will make history as being the first Non-US Military foreign national to have a place in Arlington Cemetery.

I held up the line, spending extra time before my casket. It seemed strange to leave something on my own coffin knowing I was alive and well. Kaaren robbed me of my opportunity to say goodbye to myself as she ejected me from her ship the moment we concluded our switch. Kaaren didn’t allow me to risk my mission by becoming emotional seeing myself depart for a planet 30 light years away. Or perhaps it was her, that she was afraid of becoming emotional. To make up for that, this was my moment to say goodbye, goodbye until we meet again. I placed my final bouquet on my own empty casket, knowing better than anyone that one day my name will be removed from this memorial. I touched the casket and walked off.

The pace back to the road was slow as there was a long line of people heading up narrow stone path back to their cars. As the path began to widen, some one eager to get past the crowd bumped into me trying to pass. A walking cane fell to the ground and landed next to my feet. While it was not my fault, I felt awful knocking someone's mobile support out of their hands and quickly bent over to pick it up. Its owner, a woman, was already ahead of me retrieving the black cane out of the snow before I had the time to bend my knees.

"I'm so sorry," I said, not really having a need to apologize. I grabbed her arm, helping her to her feet.

"It's ok, that was my bad," she said in an eerily familiar voice as she stood regaining her composure. As the woman turned to face me, I found myself locking eyes with Megan. She had a sad look on her face, as did everyone in Arlington this morning, but she managed to produce a smile,

"Thank you very much. Again I'm really sorry, I just wanted to leave this place,”

I was speechless, standing there staring into the face of one of my friends whom I had shared cramped living conditions with for over a year. Here she was, living and breathing, right before my eyes. Quickly, so as not to draw attention to myself, I spoke up.

"You and me both, but I must say, it was a very nice ceremony, as nice as a funeral can get,” She had a long overcoat on over her formal dress uniform. While NASA was a civilian organization, Astronauts did have simple formal dress blues to wear at ceremonies of importance such as this.

"This area is for family, friends and those involved in the mission. I know most people here, I can't say I have seen you before. Who are you here for?" She asked me.

“I am a friend of Liz...Elizabeth Owen. We are old friends, I came to be with her only I haven’t seen her around. You wouldn’t happen to have seen her would you?” Megan looked puzzled.

“You know, now that you bring that up, you’re right, I did not see her or Ashley.” She turned to her fiancé Brad who was standing just out of my wider than normal peripheral vision and asked, “Did you happen to see Liz, Hun?” Brad shrugged his shoulders and admitted to not seeing her the entire day. “I will ask around, I am curious myself now. I am Dr. Megan McCormack. Liz's husband and I worked together. You got a name?” She held out her hand and I panicked. My tongue became all tied up, who was I? I never expected to talk to anyone. Off to the side I quickly scanned a row of tombstones blurting out the first name I could find.

“Phil....Phyllis Shifley,” ‘Oh man that was terrible, If only I could go back in time and take that back. Who the hell names girls Phyllis these days.’ I was cursing myself for not having just told her my name was Karen when she replied.

“Well pleasure to meet you Phyllis,” Megan said. Relieved to know she didn’t find it too unusual, I replied “The pleasure was all mine,”

“Do you have a number I can reach you at if I find anything about Liz?” Megan asked.

“I will be checking into the Marriott downtown later today. I will be in town for a few days before heading back to California,” I made a mental note to make sure I actually did check in and stay a couple days.

“If I hear anything Phyllis I will call you. I am sure it’s tough on her. I owe Michael my life; we are all going to miss him. You take care and God bless.” Tears welled up in each of our eyes. I bent over slightly and reached out and embraced her.

“Thank you so much for helping me, and most of all for what you did up there. We are forever in your debt,” I turned and walked away wiping tears off my face. As I left I heard Brad whisper in Megan’s ear.

“Damn, that was one tall broad,” followed by the soft thud as I assumed Megan playfully hit him.

To Be Continued....Episode 5 “Anguish”

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