If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?

September 22, 2013

There was a knock on the door in the middle of the night. I was still up watching a couple dramas on TV. Even though my favorite football team was tearing it up playing on the other station, I couldn’t help but feel compelled to wonder what would happen to this one guy’s girlfriend after he found out she was cheating on him with another guy. I kinda felt sorry for him, even if it was just a TV show.

I got up from the couch and made my way to the door. Standing outside was Jackson. Something in me seemed to be giddy about that.

“Hey there, Sersh,” he greeted. “Is Mir available?”

“She’s sound asleep,” I told him. It didn’t seem to stop him from wanting in though.

“May I come in?” he asked. I got out of the way as I let him pass.

He began to search the refrigerator for something to drink, while talking back at me. “So, what are you doing up so late this evening?”

“Oh, you know,” I began, “Just watching some TV.”

“I see,” he replied, “Catching up on some soaps, huh?”

“I prefer the term, “TV Drama,” I corrected. Hey at that time I might have been thinking more effeminately but I’d at least like to retain a little of my dignity! Even though I was no longer embarrassed about watching them, “Soaps” sounded too sappy to me.

Shutting the fridge door he grabbed a couple bottles of beer. Using his shirt he twisted the bottle open and handed one to me. I couldn’t help but glimpse a peek at his abs as he opened them. I was getting hot around the collar, so to speak. God, I couldn’t help but think to myself, I told myself time and time again that I wouldn’t so easily fall victim to my feminine wiles, so why am I suddenly giving into them so easily?

Sitting down he was back down to his usual routine, flirting with me. He’s been tirelessly hammering away at me. At first I wouldn’t have even considered such a thing; I was a man at one point, after all. However, he’s still been chipping at my walls, never once admitting defeat. And as time had gone by my feelings began to change. Slowly he was winning me over, much to my male mind’s chagrin.

“I swear,” he started, “I absolutely cannot believe I have never met your enchanting presence before.”

I couldn’t help but smile. By this time I felt flattered by all the sweet little nothings he was saying. Something within me began to awaken. Something like butterflies, fluttering inside my stomach, and I soaked every little word in like a sponge.

“Well, I’m sorry we didn’t have the opportunity either.” I remarked as I blushed from sheer nervousness. Putting my hand over his I seductively added, “I think it could’ve been special.”

I didn’t have any hint of sarcasm in my voice. No, this was something different. My body began to send signals to my brain, and subconsciously my body language shifted. No, I didn’t reply in a crass way; I truly began to feel as if I really did wish I met him earlier. And with the sensual way I replied to him, it almost sounded as if I was flirting right back.

“Oh, ho!” he exclaimed. “And here I thought the lady didn’t get into flirting!”

“It’s surprising how much things change as time passes,” I admitted. Indeed it did. I was fawning over him, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized, hey, this really isn’t so bad!

“To you, my wonderful lady,” he said, holding his bottle in the air. That sounded like the perfect person to recognize. Raising my own bottle I stated, “Cheers.” And we clanked bottles.

Taking a drink from my bottle, I sat it on the table below. My mind wanted me to cut to the chase. It wasn’t just the emotional feelings I was discovering; my body too was beginning to feel a new, foreign sensation, like a longing craving for something, and it was getting quite impatient.

“So,” I began, “You weren’t really here to visit Miriam at all, were you?”

Caught red handed he replied, “You caught me. Guilty as charged.”

I wasn’t really upset about that. Normally I would be, particularly since I wasn’t really wanting to be with a guy. At least that’s what I wanted to believe at one time. However, I didn’t know what I wanted at this point- after all I was proving quite the contrary. But I hadn’t had much attention ever since I became Saoirse. Anyone who’s willing to give me the time of day was alright in my book.

…And apparently so much more in my body’s case.

“That’s rather naughty of you,” I sassed, my hand moving as it clasped the young man’s thigh. God, since when had I become such the tease?

He chuckled a little bit, obviously thrilled that I was finally willing to respond to his advances with a little flirty behavior of my own. Then he gave me have his explanation. “I wanted to see you one last time before I go. Before I leave for the next few months.”

Something inside me felt disappointed in what it was hearing. My flirtatious behavior shifted to that of concern. “Why?” I whined. “Where’re you off to?”

“I’ve been sent to Nashville, to resume duty as Commander of the Confederate army,” he replied. “I leave tomorrow.”

I was absolutely crushed. Ever since I became Wyld I grew to despise the Confederate States. At this time Ohio was still independent, but only because of the government’s indecision. The state was an amalgamation of many different people with many different beliefs. Trying to reach a compromise with those different types of people was a fool’s errand. That often allowed the presence of foreign powers to sneak in, who were often welcomed by the people who believed in them.

“You’re a member of the Confederate Army?” I asked as I immediately snapped my hand back from off his leg. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to believe what my ears just told me.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Me and Mir needed money; an education. This was pretty much the fastest way to get the funds. There really isn’t anything else out there that pays quite like it.”

“But, why?” I asked. “Why go through with all of this?”

“Me and Mir, we’ve been orphaned ever since we were children,” he claimed. “before we arrived in Ohio it was difficult to find a home. All this Wyld phenomena and whatnot- most people kept away from adopting children, particularly during the first years.”

“You and Mir are extremely close then?” I queried.

“We’re as close as brother and sister can get,” he replied. “I would do anything for her. That’s why I joined the military. I was athletically gifted and everything, they said I was perfect for the job.”

“I’ve heard a lot of bad things about the way they treat the Wyld,” I informed him, not wanting to tip him off that I was Wyld. I wouldn’t know what he would do at this point if he knew. “Do you hate them?”

“Honestly, Saoirse,” he began with a streak of guilt on his face, “I really don’t have a lot against Wyld, really.”
That made me feel slightly better, if only just a little bit. “But why do you go after them then?”

“I don’t make it my mission to personally go after Wyld, Sersh,” he explained. “I only get involved when a Wyld doesn’t give me any choice. And no, I haven’t killed one.”

“But don’t they put them into slave camps?” I asked, hoping, praying that maybe he could see the error of his ways.

“I…I really don’t know the dealings of the Confederates south of the Ohio River,” he answered, “If I saw it, I’d get out. But I’m only a Commander, and while that might sound like a big deal it really isn’t. I have my troops and I run my troops. I don’t have any information about the workings of higher ups.”

I couldn’t help but worry. Were all Confederate Soldiers like that? A lot of people considered them fanatical, and “doing God’s work,” yet he was telling me another story, a story of complete secrecy.

“To be honest, Sersh, I would like to leave the military one day,” Jackson admitted. “I wish I could just take Mir far away from here where we can be happy, without all the drama that surrounds this place. And…”

He drifted off with his last sentence, so I pried it out of him. “And?”

“…And,” He continued. “I feel like I want to expand my dream, and wish for one other pretty lady to come with me.”

He stared deep into my eyes, and I couldn’t help but blush once again from his compliment. Those flirty, seductive feelings I had began to rise within me once again. I once thought of him like a friend, but now it was turning into some else, now I could see him as a partner. My brain began to transfer my body’s desire: it wanted me to make love to him. Somewhere deep inside me I believed really wanted to hold back, but it was being overridden. It was as plain as day: I was falling in love with him.

“My God you are so beautiful,” he sweetly whispered. “I can’t stop staring at you.”

Could I seriously go through with this? I silently asked myself. I’ve been holding back for so long, hoping Miriam would eventually come back to me. Every day she grew more distant, however. I know she was having a hard time accepting me as I was now, and that was the hard part. It was as clear as I day, but I didn’t want to believe it until now. I could never be that close with her again.

But all of a sudden this new avenue opened up. I was starting to look at Jackson much like I used to look at Miriam. No, not the same- similar, but not the same. I saw Miriam as my anchor, my reason for being. That all that I was, all that I would be, was devoted entirely to her.

However with Jackson I felt a strange yet wonderful feeling about him. I saw my rock, someone who would be there when I was down. Someone who would lend me a helping hand whenever I needed him. Someone I could give myself to, freely and openly. He was my protector and guardian, all rolled into one complete package.

I saw him much like most women would see a man. I had been a woman now for 2 months, and all I felt was rejection. Be it my family, the passer bys, and even, although I know she didn’t mean it, Miriam. But here was an opening, a golden light at the end of a long winding tunnel of despair. And while I knew he made a lot of mistakes, and technically he felt like he still was, he was not the stereotypical Confederate Soldier that many might peg him to be. He was kind, compassionate, funny, and in his own way, beautiful.

“Jackson,” I said as a slowly tried to pick apart my feelings. “There’s so much…I don’t know if you’ll appreciate what you’ll find if we go through with this.”

“I don’t mind,” he told me as his hands grasped mine. “I can handle anything you bring. Even if I had my concerns we can work it out. I need you, Saoirse. You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met, right up there with my sister. Please. I…I love you.”

His words melted my heart, and I felt all gooey inside. I couldn’t hide it any longer. I rushed in and planted a kiss on his lips. It couldn’t help it; maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was my lack of companionship after so long. But I wanted this man.

“Take me,” I gasped as I clinged onto his broad shoulders, not letting go.

He carried me over to my bed as we kissed each other throughout the trip. Setting me down I immediately pulled off my shirt as he began to crawl onto the foot of my mattress, kissing my belly button upwards. As he slowly made his way towards me I undid my bra and threw it on the floor, leaving my breasts out for my lover’s enjoyment. And so he did as his nose was caught in between my cleavage, kissing and fondling my breasts as I held him down. I once did such things to Miriam. Apparently it was my turn, and I could understand the immense enjoyment of it.

He made his way to my face and we resume our bout of tongue wrestling. Multi tasking, I began to unbutton his shirt slowly, unveiling his bare, muscular chest. I began to rub his ripped body, feeling every rock hard muscle. It was very different from the soft bodies I normally felt, but it was no less wonderful. He was every girl’s dream.

He immediately flipped me over on top of him, giving me a better view of his chiseled body. While he aggressively fondled my breasts I began to truly get off at the sight that lied underneath me. I never looked at a man quite like I looked at him. I wondered why I never recognized the beauty of a man before, I began to think. Even as a man, I never really felt myself as “sexy,” or anything like that. It wasn’t like I hated myself- it’s just not something that crossed my mind. But now, I could see the beauty of a man as much as I could see the beauty of a woman, perhaps even more so. He was sexy, and looking at him only made me hornier.

I drifted downward as I licked his body, heading to his navel. My feet to the floor, I proceeded to remove what remained of my clothing. I was completely naked, my entire body on display for my man to see.

“You are unbelievable,” He told as his heart was racing. “You look like a Goddess.”

I smiled at him in a rather devious way. He was the one lying down, and it was now my turn to be the aggressor, and it was time for the “Goddess” to have her way with him. I could see the strain his jeans were doing to his poor sex organ. I shouldn’t keep the poor guy waiting. I proceeded to unbutton his jeans, dropping them to the floor, allow his member room to grow.

“Looks like he has a little problem I need to take care of,” I teased seductively.

“Yeah,” he agreed, as his panting got heavier.

With his drawers on the floor we were both completely nude; his penis erect in front of me, as if it was provoking me, telling me to grab it. I felt like we were the only two people in the world. Jackson was my Adam, and I was his Eve- or maybe Lilith in this case, because I definitely wasn’t gonna be submissive at this point. I once pointed out the rites of passage into womanhood: The bra, the dress, the behavior. And now lying before me was my final test. It was time to climb the summit and take my just reward.

I gave his little buddy a good nibble, trying to make it harder and harder. I felt in control as I performed fellatio for the very first time. All the things I remembered Miriam doing with me I tried to recreate, teasing to its hardest point. It didn’t take to get it to its apex, and after taking a few loads I desisted in sucking on it and immediately climbed back onto the bed mattress with him.

This was it. He was ready, as was my vagina, primed and ready for her big moment. There was no going back at this point, but I wasn’t scared; I was excited- excited to feel something that few men ever get to experience. I wanted to be happy, to accept myself for who I was. For so long I tried to deny myself; tried to keep myself from being what I truly was. But I’m not afraid anymore. I am Saoirse Ryan, I was woman, I was Wyld, and I finally understood. This was my calling; the very purpose of the body I resided in now. I was meant to be here, in this very moment, with this very man. The man I loved.

I slowly mounted onto his pulsing member, gasping as it slid effortlessly into my body. There was a slight sting at first as it entered, most likely from the hymen that obviously never popped, and subsequently would remain later on as it regenerated soon after. But soon that pain turned into pleasure; the incredible feeling of having something inside of me, moving as it attempted to add to the already sensational feelings I was experiencing.

And I joined in as I moved up and down upon my man’s body, moving to motion of his hardened phallus, pumping it further as I felt the juices in me build up inside. The rush of energy I felt within me was reaching its breaking point. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know what was about to happen. I thought I was ready for it, but I was wrong.

I never knew how intense a female orgasm was until it finally happened to me. It felt as if a damn exploded, and every inch of my insides felt the rush of pleasure as my cervix began to spasm out of control. My pleasure only increased when he followed by unleashing his own orgasm; his seed covering the walls of my uterus as I remained speechless of the feelings that just took place.

The minutes after was spent reminiscing as I lied beside my new boyfriend, who was tuckered out and already fast asleep. I was immersed in the afterglow. It was the most wonderful feeling I ever had in my life. It almost made me swear off women entirely, as all I could think about was what unbelievable things a penis could do to me. It really didn’t matter though, at this moment my life was set. I had a home, people who cared about me, and a man who loved me. That was enough.

Sadly however, life never seems to be as picture perfect as you want it, no matter how hard you try. That was the first, and last time I ever had sex with a man, and the last time I had sex altogether. As in fact the only time I even thought about the allure of a man’s genitalia was the night after I met Kami…and that possession soon after. I was lucky that my imagination envisioned that member as somebody else, as odd as that may sound.

…It would have killed me if the one I envisioned was Jackson.

The next day came, and I was still asleep, exhausted from the night before. I was able to sense Jackson, already up and about as he was about to leave to report for duty.

He slowly came up to me and planted a kiss on my temple. Half awake, I heard him whisper, “I love you, Sersh.” He quietly left, gingerly closing the door behind me.

I woke up a few minutes later with a smile on my face. I knew I had a keeper, even though his visits would be few and far between. I was beginning to imagine all the bubbly feelings many women in love felt. I was actually even picturing myself as his wife! It made me hope that he’d keep his promise and one day leave the military. At this point I doubt I could stand being far away from him for an extended period of time.

And speaking of periods, which were something I didn’t have, I wasn’t oblivious to the fact I had unprotected sex with a man last night. I didn’t know much about my biology at the time. I didn’t have a menstrual cycle as I stated; there might be a chance I’m not fertile at all. Then again, considering how perfect my body was with the whole regeneration deal, I highly doubted that very much. Either way I wasn’t going to take any chances. Luckily for me I lived with Miriam, who I knew was on birth control. Perhaps I should make my way over to the bathroom and sneak in one of her morning after pills.

Wearing but my shirt and panties from last night I headed to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and began to search for the pills I needed. After reading many labels I came across the bottle I was looking for.

“Ah ha!” I said, feeling peppy this morning, “I popped open the bottle and poured a pill into my hand. I pour some water from the faucet of my sink, and cried. “Bottoms up!” I ingested the pill, not knowing that Miriam was standing outside the door as I swallowed it.

“What are you doing?” She asked. Her eyes immediately turned to the medicine bottle, and widened as she turned them back at me, “You didn’t…”

I was speechless. I guess this was the hell to pay for my actions. She ran out of the room as I chased her down, yelling, “Miriam! Come back!”

I finally caught up to her in the kitchen. She turned and face me, releasing her anger on me like a 100 mile per hour fastball.

“My Brother!?” she cried, not wanting to believe it. “You had sex with my brother!?”

“What was I suppose to do Miriam!?” I asked her. “Ever since I moved in here you’ve been growing distant from me! It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!”

“Don’t know me?” She snapped, “I didn’t even know my former boyfriend acted like a little slut!”

“Don’t you dare call me that!” I snapped right back. “He was there for me when you weren’t! If you weren’t so afraid of being with a woman then maybe this wouldn’t have happened!”

That sentence left us in silence. She knew that was true. I knew it was true. She couldn’t love me as she once did.

“It’s…just hard for me,” she stated. “I just need a little time.”

“I’ve given you quite a bit of time, Mir,” I informed her. “If you can’t love me like this, that’s okay. I can’t change the way you view things.”

“But I do love you,” she insisted. “I love you so much it hurts.”

“You love Scott Ryan, Mir,” I told her, “but I’m not Scott anymore. You have to accept that.”

I see she was having a hard time letting go, and to be honest I was too. I still love her; all the feelings and desires I had back when I was Scott still existed even now, even with my newfound interest in men. I still wanted her, but I can’t force her. That just isn’t the way I do things. But she can’t expect me not to move on with my life either.

“I love Jackson, Mir,” I admitted. “As much as any woman loves a man. I truly never felt this way about a guy before in my life. But he makes me feel things- emotional things that I’ve never felt before in my life, even when I was Scott. I’m sure you’ve felt these feelings for me once.”

“I did, yes,” She replied, “I wanted to be with you forever.”

“And that’s how I feel with him,” I claimed. “Mir, I’ve been so alone. The past few months have been hell for me. My family disowned me, I lived homeless on the streets with no one even bothering to help me. I don’t mean to hurt you by saying this, but even your distance from me didn’t help me feel any better.”

I could see she was tearing up, but I had to get my side of the story out. “I’ve tried my best to please you Miriam. You’ve asked me to wear more girly outfits so as to not cause suspicion, I did that. You asked me to act more feminine, I’ve done it. You’ve asked me to give you space for you to take all this in, and I’ve done that Mir. Couldn’t you see the strain wearing on me?”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Scott!” she cried. “Everything was happening so fast, I couldn’t take it all in!”

I let out a sigh, pitying her, and continued. “It wasn’t as if I was willingly trying to woo Jack. As in fact it was quite the opposite. He would try to flirt and I tried my best to resist his advantages. You knew that, Mir. I held off as much as I could because of you. But time went on and my loneliness only grew. It grew to the point where I began to see him in a much different light. I began to enjoy his quirkiness, and how I giggled at his overall boyish behavior. It didn’t take long before I started to respond with flirting of my own. I don’t know what came over me, but my mind eventually convinced me that this was I was made to do. Eventually my mind grew to accept…other qualities that he possessed- I won’t go into detail. And before I knew it I was attracted to him, and I didn’t seem to have much of a problem with it.”

“And so you had sex with him.” She concluded.

“And yes,” I answered, “I had sex with him. But not because I wanted to hurt you.”

She sighed as tear fell down her cheek. She knew it was over. She knew I was in love with someone else, as much as she hates that.

“I still have a hard time believing how you’ve changed this much,” she reiterated.

“I can’t believe it myself,” I added. “But I guess it was bound to happen at some point.”

She gave me a warm hug. After all of this, I was glad to feel her closeness once more, even if it would never be what we once had.

“Just remember,” Miriam pointed out, “You’re still Wyld. I don’t think he’ll appreciate the fact that the girl he’s currently seeing was once the boyfriend of his younger sister.”

I giggled at that. “Hopefully we can keep that little tidbit to ourselves,” I said.

“I won’t get in the way,” she declared. “You need to be happy. And if my brother can give you that, I wish you two all the best.”

“Thanks, Miriam,” I said. “I’m glad I have a friend like you.”