Deep Into That Darkness Peering- Part Fifteen (Conclusion) by: Enemyoffun Ryan Roth is a college freshman with a good life. He has a great girlfriend, a good best friend and seems to be starting his college career off on the right start. But something dark and dangerous comes into his life and things go from bad to worse.

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Author's Note: Here's the final chapter of Raven's very dark and interesting tale. I've loved writing this one, its been a lot of fun. I have to thank everyone who was involved (you know who you are). I also want to thank everyone for their wonderful support of this story, a different tale than the others I've told so far. Last but not least I have to thank DC Comics for their wonderful characters once again.

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Chapter Fifteen:

When I woke up this time, I wasn’t the least bit confused as to where I was. It was sterile smell that invaded my nose and when I opened my eyes for a moment all I saw was white. After blinking a few times, the white faded into shapes and the room came into focus. It was a hospital room. There was a huge light overhead, happy landscape prints on the wall and a large window with the curtain drawn. My bed was in a half upright position and there was one of those little tables next to me with some flowers and a tiny black teddy bear. I smiled at it, then turned to look to my other side. Sitting in a chair, fast asleep, was my mother. I nearly jumped out of bed when I saw her. I started to tear up a bit, surprised and confused.

I reached out for her, but stopped inches from her hand. It was strange. No one would ever guess the two of us were related. Her hands had a reddish hue like someone who had stayed out in the sun far too long---a perpetual, never-ending suntan. At least we had the same hair, though. Hers was currently in a French braid, down her back. She usually wore it loose unless she was going somewhere. Looking at her face, I couldn’t help but gasp. Back when I was Ryan, it was hard to tell that she was my mother because we didn’t look anything alike. Now, the two of us could almost be sisters---me being the paler one, of course.

Mom always looked like a young mother. When I was still a child, people often mistook her for my older sister or the babysitter. She had a beautiful, youthful face. Even now at only thirty-eight, she still looked to be in her early twenties. She often said it was good genes. My grandmother was very youthful-looking, as well. But, she still looked old enough to be the mother of an almost forty-year-old. My Mom didn’t look old enough to be the mother of anyone. It used to drive the guys at school nuts whenever they saw her. They all drooled and made lewd comments before they ever even knew if we were related or not. Azarath was a small town but not small enough for everyone to know everyone. Mom got a lot of strange looks, especially from envious women her age.

There were a lot of whispered stories, too. Mom was the girl that got knocked up the summer before her senior year of high school. What’s worse, it was by some grifter passing through town. In Azarath, that was big news. She was severely ostracized because of it. I got some of it, too, as I was growing up. Our community was mainly Native Americans, save for a few families like Bart’s. Even then, Bart still passed as “normal”, what with his skin tanning pretty dark in the summer. But me, I was always the pale, strange kid that only ever had two friends. Growing up was rough, but, at least, I had drama to fall back on. I loved the theater and now, after a few weeks of not performing, I realizing how much I really missed it.

After staring at the woman sleeping next to me, I finally got up the nerve to touch her. I slipped my hand around hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. As soon as I did, Mom stirred and slowly opened her eyes. Like me, she blinked and looked a little groggy. She stared around the room and, then her eyes focused on me. As soon as she did, she smiled.

“Oh, sweetie, you’re finally awake.”

I nodded. I was a bit choked up for a second. With tears, I spoke. “It’s good to see you, Mom.”

That’s about all I could muster before tears overtook me. She reacted fast, wrapping me into a tight hug. I had forgotten what it felt like to be hugged by Mom. She had great hugs: so reassuring, so safe. Every single bit of emotion that I had been holding back started to well up and I let it out in tears. I sobbed through telling her about Katie and poor Shay and about the hell I just went through. She reassured me with her soothing voice, telling me everything was going to be all right. I believed her, too. She was Mom and, now that she was here, I was certain that nothing more could go wrong. I held onto her and cried and I felt safe. The two of us stayed like that for some time.

When I was finally finished crying, Mom pulled away. She placed her hands on my shoulders, then smiled real big. “You look so beautiful, honey–like the daughter I always wanted” I frowned. So she quickly added. “Not that I never wanted a son, but there’s something about mothers and daughters…”

I laughed. “It’s okay, Mom. I liked being Ryan and I like being Rachel. The transition was strange, at first, but I feel pretty normal, now… well, normal as far as I can be, anyway.”

She didn’t respond to my last comment. I had to wonder how much of everything that she knew. I had told her some things on our phone conversations, but I kept it all pretty vague. Mom was a very accepting person, but, even to her, some things were a bit too much. For instance, I never had the heart to tell her that I was the one who actually caused Katie’s death. That truth would have destroyed her as much as it did me.

She chewed her lip before speaking. “Your professor told me some of the stuff that happened,” her voice trailed off again. Then, after a moment or two, she said. “It’s horrible what those people did to all those girls and to you. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through and then to see them… with another girl… your friend… right in…”

She stopped when I felt myself tearing up. I think she saw the tears because she wrapped me in a hug, again. When I closed my eyes, I could see Shay’s lifeless face and her empty, agonized stare. I opened my eyes, shuddering. Then, I had some questions. I pulled back and wiped the tears off my cheeks, trying to remain strong. “How long have I been here?”

“Two days.” she said, brushing a strand of hair from my face.

“And the others? Lori, Bart, Barbara, Dr. O?”

She shook her head. “I met your professor when I got in last night. I don’t know about anyone else. But, there was a girl here earlier. She had black hair, wore lots of black.”

I smiled. “That would be Lori.”

“Very strange girl.” Mom said with a sigh.

“She is definitely that.”

Mom and I talked for a little while. She tried to get the topic away from the tragic events of the other day. She asked me about school and about my love life. I dodged the last question, while, inside, all I could see was Bart’s smiling face and that scared me. I was definitely not interested in him and probably never would be. But, it was clear that I definitely wasn’t interested in girls, either. As much as I loved Katie and missed her, I knew now if she had lived all we could ever be, now, would be really good friends. A part of me was a bit saddened by that revelation. I couldn’t help but cry to think that we’d never even get the chance to be that.

Our talk was interrupted by a knock on the door. Then, the door opened and the nurse came in. She stayed for a few minutes, checking this and that. I asked when I’d be able to get out of here but she didn’t know. Apparently, I was officially here because of heat exhaustion, or something. At least, that’s the story my Mom said she was told. Then, Dr. O told her it was actually because of magical exhaustion, I used up too much magic and it drained me.

After the nurse finally left, I heard Mom’s stomach grumble. She frowned. “I’m sorry, sweetie, I’m starving. I haven’t eaten anything since before I drove down here. I hate to leave you, but I’m not sure how much longer I can go without something to eat.”

I laughed. “Its okay, Mom. I’ll be fine while you stuff yourself.”

She frowned at the remark. Mom still had a beautiful figure. I found myself wishing I’d be able to look like that at her age and got scared at the thought. I was even starting to think like a normal girl. A few weeks ago, that would have horrified me, but this is my life now.
My mom left after that, leaving me alone. I sat in bed, staring around the room a bit. I looked over at the bear and couldn’t help but think someone was making fun of me. Who thought I needed a cute little bear? I reached for it and took it off the table. I turned it over in my hands, looking for some sign of who might have given it to me.

“Angelina got that for you from the gift shop,” said a voice from behind me.

I turned and saw Lori standing in the doorway in all of her goth glory. She was leaning against the doorframe, a cup of coffee in her hands. She stayed there for a second before walking into the room and taking up Mom’s former seat. Then, she set the cup on my little table and wrapped me in a tight hug. She mumbled something about me “never doing something like that again”. I hugged her for a while then I pulled away to get some much needed air.

I took a deep breath. “How are the others?”

“Angelina brought that bear by this morning, Bart is camped out in the waiting room and the professor disappeared.”

Disappeared? That didn’t bode well.

I waited a few seconds before asking the big question. “How’s Jas?”

Lori frowned. It was clear she wasn’t done mourning for Shay either. “Not good.” she finally said and sighed heavily. “Ang and I tried to talk her into coming here, but she refused. She kinda…well she….”

I nodded. So, Jas blamed me for Shay’s death. I wondered what they told her. I guess I couldn’t blame her. I was, after all, responsible for it. They only took her to get me angry and it worked, too. I killed all those bastards for what they did to poor Shay. I was so angry and so pissed. I shuddered to think about what I did. They all deserved it, though, and that’s what truly mattered.

“What happened to the Church?” I finally asked, trying to move my mind onto other things.

“The cops showed up pretty quickly after you passed out. I’m not sure who called them. They tried to arrest all of us until the Flash stepped up. She took charge pretty quickly. She was bossing them all around as if they were her little bitches. What members of the cult that she and I subdued were arrested on the spot, but a lot of them got away. After that, some feds showed up, some Native American chick with a badge. As soon as she started flashing that around, we were free to go. They brought you to the hospital, Bart called your Mom and then the professor sorta disappeared.

“He was kinda shifty about it, too. One minute he was there and gone the next, like freaking Houdini or something. Anyway, after he disappeared, Bart, Angelina and I took turns at your bedside until your Mom arrived last night. She’s awesome, by the way. I can definitely see where you got your new looks from. Ummm….you know pretty much everything after that, I guess.”

I nodded. “Mom said she talked to Dr. O.”

Lori frowned. “Maybe he met her elsewhere because he wasn’t in the waiting room when your Mom arrived.”

A small part of me felt better knowing that things with the cult were done for. I still wished I knew more of what was going on, there. Like, who the hell were those nuts and what the hell did they really want me for? I was kinda pissed that I didn’t spare Blood’s life. I mean, he deserved to die, of course, but now that he was dead, I had no answers. A part of me cursed myself for being so rash. But, the rest of me was happy that I put whatever operation that son of bitch was running out of commission.

Lori stayed for a couple of hours. Then, Mom came back and the three of us discussed what was going to happen next. The only thing I could think about was going home.

“Just like you left it,” said my mother as I stood in the doorway of my bedroom.

I nodded and stared around the room, the room that was distinctively “Ryan”. I couldn’t help but frown. It wasn’t like I was unhappy because I loved my room; it was my own private little sanctuary. The only problem was that it was Ryan’s private sanctuary. Standing in the doorway, staring at it reminded me of all that had changed since leaving it a few months before. It was a guy’s room, made apparent by the blue painted walls and the clothes littering the floor. My bed wasn’t made, just as I had left it, and everything seemed to smell. It’s funny how I never noticed how much of a slob I was before. Now, staring at this mess, I couldn’t help but feel my skin crawl. That feeling made me a bit uneasy. I couldn’t help but think that maybe I wasn’t the same person I was before.

My mother put her hand gently on my shoulder. “You can sleep in the guest room if you like.”

How is it that mothers always seem to know what you’re thinking?

I shook my head. “I guess I wasn’t prepared for how much I’ve changed.”

She stepped around so she stood in front of me, taking my left hand. Her hand she waved around the room. “This isn’t you.” she said, then tapped me in the chest with a finger. “This is you, in here. You may look and even act differently, but you’re still the same person, boy or girl.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”

She kissed me on the forehead, then left me to stand in my doorway. It took me a few seconds, but eventually I carried my overstuffed duffel into the room. I dropped it on the floor near my desk and then sat on the edge of the bed. It felt strange being back here, being back home. Home. A small part of me actually thought of the dorm room as home, but only for a moment. A small part of me also thought of going back there after I left the hospital, this morning. But, I couldn’t do it. Yeah, I went there to get my stuff but that was it. Though it wasn’t official yet, I was withdrawing from school---at least for the rest of the semester. I thought I could do it, but, in the end, it was just too much. First Katie, then Shay. I couldn’t imagine what might happen if I stayed there any longer.

When I broke the news to Angelina and Lori, there was a lot of crying. I surprised myself by joining in. Though Angelina promised to keep in touch, I think Lori really meant it. In fact, this weekend, she planned to drive here and I was supposed to give her a tour of Azarath. Not that there was much to show her, but it might be nice to have a friend to hang out with. As far as Bart and I were concerned, it was complicated. It was me, not him. I found it hard to look at him, especially after what Fake Bart did. I know it wasn’t really him, but the thought of him getting like that scared me. When he hugged me “good-bye” at the hospital, there was a moment of dread.

I had to wondered if our friendship would survive all this.

I sighed and looked around. There were half a dozen theater posters all over the walls. Most of them were plays I dreamed of seeing. Scattered amongst them were pictures, most with Katie and me. I couldn’t help but frown at those. We looked so happy then or, rather, they looked happy. Katie and Ryan, I mean. It pained me to see her with him, the other me. I couldn’t bring myself to think of him as me, any longer. It felt like another life, he was the caterpillar and I was the seriously fucked up butterfly. More fucked up than I could possibly imagine.

Lori told me what she and Barbara saw when they went speeding into the room, her words still echoed in my head: “You had this blackness all around you as you floated there and for a second it looked like a giant black bird was forming around you.” I couldn’t help but remember the black bird I’d been seeing in my dreams, the one that appeared at the death scenes. I hadn’t really thought about it much, but it reminded me a lot of Katie’s tattoo, the one the two of us now shared. I remembered when she first got it, the exact conversation the two of us had:

“Why did you get a crow tattooed on your butt?”

She laughed and smacked me. “No, I think of the ever-changing. The Raven is also a shape shifter, like an actor. He changes with the situation–sometimes the wise man, sometimes the trickster–but always wise and cunning.”

I pushed myself off the bed and walked over to the mirror on the wall. It wasn’t like the mirror in the girl’s shower room, but it was good enough. I pulled off my shirt and stood so I could look at my tattoo. I think I got it right the first time around when I called myself a Messenger of Death. I killed Katie and I killed Shay, plus all those other girls who died just so those twisted mother-fuckers could get to me. And for what? I didn’t even know. I sighed and stormed over to my bed, pulling my cell from my purse. I tried once again to get a hold of Dr. O, but still it just rang. After leaving the college, I had Mom drive me over to his house. I used my key to let myself in, but the place was deserted. Everything that he owned was gone, except two things: a book and a note.

I pulled the note out of my purse and stared at it, reading aloud the simple message. “I went out of town; don’t try to find me because you won’t be able to. I’ll be back soon.” I crumbled the note and tossed it across the room. What the fuck kind of message is that? The book wasn’t much help, either. It was one I’d never seen before, but it was like all the others, old and dusty. I didn’t dare read it in the car, but I couldn’t stop myself from opening it, now. I was surprised that it was in English and even more surprised that it talked mainly about ways to focus one’s power. I cursed, wondering why he couldn’t have given me this to begin with.

I found myself reading into the night, absorbing the words. Most of them were nonsense, words that didn’t mean a thing to me. But, the words I could understand meant even less. “In order to properly focus, you need three important key factors,” I read aloud. “You need something close to your heart, something of great power and something to help you control everything in the end.” What the hell did that mean anyway? I knew all this before. It was the same stuff that Dr. O had been trying to teach me. I tried time and again to find my words with little luck. Even now I tried, running words over and over in my head. I closed my eyes as I did so, trying to concentrate on words, any words.

I got myself into my meditation stance, stripping down to my underwear as I did so. I closed my eyes and tried hard to concentrate. I started mumbling, running words over and over, trying to see if any clicked. I kept my eyes closed and felt weightless as I slowly lifted off the bed. I concentrated harder, mumbling more. Soon the words out of my mouth were utter nonsense and I felt real lightheaded. There was a knock on the door, my grandfather’s faint voice on the other side, but I could hear none of it as the meditation took me…

My eyes were forced open by a huge gust of wind. It whipped around my nearly naked form, tearing my hair about in a tempest. I looked around and watched it awe as my room slowly started to crumble around me. Bit by bit, it broke away, leaving a huge gaping black void around me. Soon, I was floating in the nothingness just like that dream from so long ago. But, unlike that first dream, the blackness didn’t last. As quickly as it came, it started to fade. There was a flash of blinding white light, which forced me to close my eyes. When I reopened them, I found myself floating above a strange and nasty black landscape. It was all crags and rock, blackened by God knows what. The sky around me was blood red and there were black, ominous clouds looming in the distance, sparkling with lightning.

The chains came from all over the place. The Raven on her shoulder shrieked even louder than her and flew up into the air. The chains wrapped tightly around the shriveling wreck on the ground. They bound her and held her, making sure she never got loose. A new lock appeared, but this one didn’t have a hole for a key. I held the key in my mind and watched as it disintegrated. Then, I held out my arm and the raven fluttered down. Its features changed as it flew, so by the time it got to me it was a normal bird once again. The darkness that was plaguing it was gone for good.
I smiled and opened my eyes….

….I was sitting on my bed, Dr. O’s book opened in front of me. My body was drenched in sweat, my hair clinging to my back. I took a deep breath and, for the first time, I felt everything go out of me. It was a very relieved feeling. I wouldn’t say I was overly happy, but I felt a lot better knowing that the darkness was contained---at least, for the moment. There was still a lot of stuff that I needed to learn, a lot of stuff that plagued me. First and foremost was the Rapture, I knew that it wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. I also knew that Blood failed to use it, but there would be others out there that would try. Maybe they might be more successful. I’d have to be vigilant.

I closed the book, setting it aside. Then, I ran my hands through my damp hair. I definitely needed a nice hot bath after all that. First, there was something I wanted to try, something bugging me from the beginning of all this. I closed my eyes, took my meditation position and concentrated. This time I had the proper words, this time I had the proper focus.

I took a deep breath and said them very slowly. “Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos.”

I rose six feet into the air and couldn’t be happier.

Author’s note: As I’m sure all of you know, comments are life blood to an author. I’m not begging or demanding, but I certainly would appreciate anything you have to say (or ask). It doesn’t have to be long and involved, just give me your reaction to the story. Thanks in advance...EOF