Peter could feel that they were uncomfortable, so he began to go to the side of the house, turning his head to talk to them once more as he went. “Well ladies, have a nice.....” His steps stopped and he turned to look at Tracy again. He stood there for a moment, then asked. “Troy? Is that you?”

The young boy didn't reply. Instead, the young girl who was there knew she was caught, so she jumped from the table and flung the backdoor opened, running to the safety of the guest bedroom. Peter stood there for a moment, unsure what to do. Modine and Maggie both stood up, the older woman patting Troy's mother on the arm. “I got her.”

October 31 1982
Northern California

Over three weeks had passed since his last outing as Tracy. He had followed though with the idea to just let Tracy go. The risks were too great and with Vance working at his Grandfathers house, he was bound to be caught. So he had puttered through life as it were, slowly becoming that depressed child that he had been. He quickly felt the need for the release that being Tracy gave him. It wasn't perverse, but it was an escape. One that he was needing badly.

Now it was Halloween and Troy was at a loss as what to do. Well it was the day before. With Halloween being Sunday, most of the parties were set on Saturday. His chores had all been done on Thursday and Friday so he could relax for the weekend. He had been offered the chance to go with Peter to a cousins party. All the costume thoughts that he came up with were for girls. He had ruled out being cheerleaders and princesses. It wasn't that he didn't want to do it, but he didn't want others to see him in a dress. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to go to the party at all.

He had been lucky enough to be able to spend the weekend at his Grandmothers. His Grandfather was out of town for the weekend with his father, both headed to Las Vegas for the weekend, planning to return on Monday. Vance was off to his friends for the weekend, planning to return on Sunday after the Trick-or-treating. So it had hurt to not be Tracy for the weekend. He so wanted that release that she could give him.

His mother had come over just past nine in the morning, after she had dropped off Vance. Once again he had the fun of hanging out with his mother and grandmother on his own. But the closer it got to get ready for the party, he began to think about what he wanted to do.

It was almost three o'clock when he called up Peter. He sat there, feeling guilty about not going to the party, but then, Peter was the only person he would know there. “Hey Peter?” Troy said as his friend picked up the phone.

“Hey Troy. You ready to come over now?” Peter's voice was bright and chipper over the phone and Troy began to feel guilty for what he was about to do.

He let out a low sigh and shook his head, even though his friend couldn't see the action. “No. I'm just not feeling up to it tonight.”

“You sick?” Peter asked.

Troy began to feel worse for letting his friend down. “Kinda...well not really, I feel fine, I just don't know anyone that will be there. I just...” He let out another sigh. “Look, I just don't feel like being around strangers right now.”

“But I'll be here.” Peter reminded him.

“I know, but things have been rough the past few days. I just want to relax and with a group of people I don't know....” Troy let the statement hang for a moment.

“I understand. It sucks, but I understand.” He could hear the disappointment in Peter's voice. “Maybe we can go out tomorrow and get some candy?”

“Maybe.” Troy replied.

“Cool. Well I think I'll get going.” Peter said. “Feel better man.”

“I will.” Troy said before he hung up. As he walked back into the kitchen he felt worse. He had never let Peter down before, but now he had. He felt like a jerk. He was the one person his friend would know there and no he blew him off. He walked out of the kitchen and headed for the guest bedroom.

He flopped down on the bed, laying on his side and facing the wall. He began to think about every thing from the past few day. Between Vance and him getting in trouble that one day, to his decision to leave Tracy behind, his life was turning into a giant pile of suck.

A few minutes later, Modine came into the room. “Hey kiddo. You ready to make dinner?”

He shook his head. “I'm not really hungry.” He replied.

“You okay?” She came into the room and stopped by the bed and put her hand on his forehead.

“I'm fine. I'm just thinking about stuff.” He said to the wall.

“Like Tracy?” She asked.

“Yeah. Grandma, I just don't know what to do.” He said. “Part of me wanted to stop so Vance wouldn't find me, but I miss being her.”

“This is going to be something you have to solve for yourself. But either way, your mother and I love you.” Modine said as she bent down and kissed his forehead. “Tell you what, I'll start dinner. You relax, okay. If you need to think, then think. We'll tell you when the food is ready.”

“Okay Grandma.” He replied. He heard her leave the room, then a few minutes later he heard he open up the 'fridge. After a few more minutes he rolled over. He looked into the open closet across from the bed. There it hung. The yellow sundress he had worn back in August. It hung there, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't take his eyes off of it. He had the need to wear it. He knew that. Life had sucked so far and a part of him was deeply regretting the decision to get rid of Tracy, to forget that Troy and his problems existed. He rolled off of the bed and went to shut the bedroom door.

Ten minutes later, while Modine was busy at the counter, preparing food and his mother Maggie, was at the table making a salad, Tracy walked in, wearing the yellow sundress. Her almost neck length hair was pulled into two small pigtails. She stopped just by the table and looked at her grandmother. “Can I help?” The young girl asked.

Both women looked at her in surprise. But her grandmother recovered first. “Sure sweetie.” Modine stepped back from the stove. “Come on Tracy, I'll show you how to make my meatloaf.” She smiled. “And au gratin potatoes.”

She gave her grandmother a shy smile and stepped up to the counter. “Is it easy?” She asked.

Modine shrugged. “It depends. With the two of us, we can make quick work of this.”

“Okay.” Tracy replied.

“First thing we have is a problem.” Modine said looking at the child. “We have two items that will go in the oven. One needs to cook for an hour and a half at four hundred degrees. The other only takes an hour and twenty minutes, but only cooks at three hundred and fifty degrees.” She raised one eyebrow. “So tell me, how can we do this, without cooking one, then the other.”

“Um...” Tracy stood there, biting her lower lip. “Cook them both together?”

“Okay, how would we do that. One needs a higher temp and longer time in the oven.” The older woman asked, then she waited again.

“Do the higher temp one first? The put in the other halfway though?” Tracy guessed.

“That's a good guess, young lady.” Modine smiled. “We'll start with the potatoes first, then put in the meatloaf.”

“Okay.” Tracy grinned. She began working on the first dish, while being coached from her grandmother.

Maggie looked over at her child, who was now smiling ear to ear, something she had not seen in about three weeks. “It's good to see you smile again.”

“Thank you Mama.” The girl replied as she mixed the ingredients.

“I didn't think we were going to see Tracy again.” Maggie stated, as she finished up her salad.

“I...I wasn't going to, but then I got to thinking. Vance is gone and Grandpa is gone for the weekend and I had to.” Tracy said, her smile fading for a moment.

“Had too?” Maggie asked her.

“Yeah. It's...” Tracy sighed. “When I'm Tracy, it's like I can act like there's no Vance. Tracy has no siblings. She has no cares in the world.”

“I understand.” Maggie said with a grin. “Tracy is your release valve. So the pressure of life wont build up.”

She thought about it for a moment, then nodded. “I think so.” She replied.

Maggie got up and waited for her daughter to stop what she was doing. “Well, as long as you're happy, I'm happy.”

“Thank you Mama.” Tracy replied.

“So you're not going to the party?” Modine asked.

“No. I only know Peter. Besides hanging out with you two can be fun too.” Tracy smiled at them. “I can go out with him tomorrow.”

“Well then. Maybe we should see what's on TV tonight.” Modine left the room. Tracy continued what she was doing as her grandmother came back in with a TV guide. “We could make popcorn and watch a movie, or something. Ah, The Wizard of Oz. It's a classic. It's on at eight tonight.”

“That sounds good to me.” Tracy replied.

“Well then, let's get cracking on this dinner.” Modine put down the TV guide and began helping Tracy with any cutting she'd have to do. Maggie began helping from her other side and Tracy wasn't going to complain at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After dinner and dishes, the three ladies went out to the back porch to enjoy the Autumn weather and wait for the moving to start. They still had a couple of hours to go, so Modine had brought out three slices of an apple pie that had baked the day before.

“So has Tracy been getting better at cooking?” Maggie asked as she set her fork down on her empty plate.

“You tell me.” Modine smiled. “She made that pie.”

“Really?” Maggie asked.

Tracy smiled. For a moment she swore she had heard knocking, but she figured it to be her imagination. “Well Grandma helped me out, I just put it together.” The girl blushed from the attention.

“Well, you are getting better.” Her mother said. “Soon I'll let you have full rein in the kitchen.”

“Thank you Mama.” Her blush seemed to get brighter.

“Maybe some day you'll be entrusted with my special recipes.” Maggie leaned forward. “All those things your Nana Bernice used to make when we lived in LA.”

“Really? Do you have her cookie recipe ?” Tracy sat up, a smile plastered to her face and she began to bounce slightly. “I love those cookies.”

None of them realized that Peter had been standing there for a few moments. “Excuse me, Mrs Patterson.” He called out to them as he stopped by the side of the house. “Grandma Patterson.” He nodded to both women with a smile and took another couple of steps. His gaze fell on Tracy and he paused for a moment as he tried to figure out who she was. “Hello.” He gave her a smile. Her eyes went wide and her heart started to race, Modine put her hand over Tracy's to try and calm her down.

None of the women talked as he looked back to Maggie. “I stopped by to see if Troy wanted to hang out instead. I know we were going to the party, but when he said no, I decided to not to go myself.” He had a nagging feeling that the girl looked familiar. “Is he around?”

Maggie almost gestured to her child, but then she realized that this information could be bad. A quick lie sprung into her head. Tracy stayed in her seat, looking down at her lap. “He's not feeling well. Dinner didn't agree with him.” Maggie said with a grin.

“Oh.” Peter sighed. “Well, let him know I stopped by.”

“I will.” Maggie said.

“Thank you Mrs. Patterson, Grandma Modine.” He looked at Tracy and smiled again, then he took a couple of steps closer. “Hi, I'm Peter, you must be one of Troy's cousins.”

Troy had hoped that he wouldn't recognize who he was. She didn't talk and she kept her gaze on her lap. She only gave a slight nod and kept quiet.

“Do you need a ride home?” Maggie said as she noticed her child's tension build.

“Nah, I got my bike.” He said with a grin.

“Oh, okay.” She replied.

Peter could feel that they were uncomfortable, so he began to go to the side of the house, turning his head to talk to them once more as he went. “Well ladies, have a nice.....” His steps stopped and he turned to look at Tracy again. He stood there for a moment, then asked. “Troy? Is that you?”

The young boy didn't reply. Instead, the young girl who was there knew she was caught, so she jumped from the table and flung the backdoor opened, running to the safety of the guest bedroom. Peter stood there for a moment, unsure what to do. Modine and Maggie both stood up, the older woman patting Troy's mother on the arm. “I got her.”

“Thank you Mom.” Maggie began down the steps and sighed as she walked up to Peter. “Peter, I think we need to talk.” She gestured to the steps of the porch. She sat down and waited for the younger boy to come over.

As he sat next to her he hooked a thumb to the door. “That was Troy, right?”

Maggie had to nod. Peter was Troys friend and she was desperately hanging on to the hope that he'd still be after this. “Yes.”

“Was that his costume?” Peter asked. He was considered mentally challenged when it came to school. He had been in the classes for what many of the nice adults referred to as the slow kids, but there was more to him then a disability. When it came to reading people and manual labor, he was a sharp kid. “Or is it something different?”

Maggie nodded. “Peter, first things first, I need your promise that you will not say anything, especially to Vance or Troy's father. Can I have your word?”

The boy turned to face her better and he nodded. “Yeah. I won't tell Vance anything about anything.”

“Good. I'm not going to try and deny it. You're too quick on some things.” Maggie replied. “That was Troy, well she calls herself Tracy. It's not a costume.”

“Is she a cross-dresser?” He asked.

Maggie raised an eyebrow and blinked a couple of times. “Cross-dresser?”

“Yeah, you know, dudes who wear women's clothes?” Peter looked at her as though everyone knew about it. “Or is he one of those Transsexuals?”

“Um....” Maggie was getting more confused by the boy. “How do you know all of this?”

“I got a half brother in San Francisco who's a drag queen.” Peter said with a shrug. “He used to live with a guy that was becoming a girl, but hadn't got his thingy taken off yet.” Peter blushed at the slight mention of the male parts, no matter that they weren't mentioned by name.

“I'm not sure what she is. What she told us this evening was that Tracy was her chance to act like a different person. When She's Tracy, she is an only child. There's no Vance, no William, just her and me.” Maggie thought about it for a moment, then she shifted so she could face him better. “At least that's how I took it.”

“That's cool. I always thought Troy seemed too nice for a boy. He has a thing about getting dirty, plus he's not into sports and rough housing.”

“But he likes being Troy too.” Maggie shrugged.

“No he doesn't.” Peter said with a shake of his head

Maggie cocked her head slightly and looked at him strangely. “What do you mean he's not happy?”

“Before I said anything, Tracy was blushing and smiling. At school and when we hang out he's hasn't smiled in over a year or two now.” Peter replied. “Well, not real ones anyway. I know, when mom got divorced, she acted like she smiled, but she never did.”

Maggie sat and thought about it for a few moments and she realized Peter was right. “But is it all because he wants to be her, or is Vance a factor too?”

[Meanwhile inside]

Modine went to the guest bedroom, where the source of the soft crying was coming from. As she came in she saw Tracy's head buried in the pillow. Her yellow sundress had already been removed, leaving the young child in just a pair of panties and a bra. The older woman sat on the edge of the bed and put a hand on her grandchild's shoulder. “It'll be okay Sweetheart.”

“No...” Tracy raise her head a bit and between sobs she shook her head and uttered. “No it wont. I'm dead.” She let her head fall back into the pillow again.

“How do you know?” Modine asked. “You don't know if he'll hate you or not.”

She lifted her head once more. “My only friend just saw me as a girl! I'm DEAD! He'll tell the school!”

“NOW YOUNG LADY!” Modine snapped, not because she was mad, but to grab the child attention. Tracy's eyes drifted to her and she waited for the punishment. Her grandmother continued “I do not let people yell at me in my house.” Modine said in a quiet, calm tone. “Second, you don't know what he'll do. Only he can tell you what he'll do, in words and action.”

“But he saw me in a dress.” Tracy motioned to the discarded garment.

“And if he says anything, you can say it was a Halloween costume.”

“You don't understand.” Tracy put her face against the pillow and began to cry some more.

“Maybe, but maybe you're not giving Peter a chance.” Modine said as she stood up. “I'll be outside with your mother, if you want to be social, okay.” She didn't get a response, so she headed for the backdoor.

As Modine stepped out onto the back porch, Peter turned to look at her, then the door. “She's not coming out?” He asked.

“No. I tried, but she's afraid you'll tell the school and everyone else.”

“I won't.” He slumped his shoulders.

“Peter, think of it this way, she's scared. You found a secret and she don't know if you'll stay there for her or not.” Maggie replied.

“She's got a point.” Modine said.

“Can I talk to her?” Peter said, standing up.

“I don't know if that's a good idea.” Modine sated to say, shaking her head.

“Mom, He's got family members like Tracy. Maybe he can help her out?” Maggie stood up. “It's worth a try at least.”

The older woman took a few moments to think about it, then she nodded. “Let's try. Come on young man.”

Modine lead him into the house and to the guest bedroom, stopping him long enough to step in and throw a sheet over her grandchild. She walked out of the room, but stayed within ear shot in case of trouble. Peter stepped into the room and tapped Tracy's feet. “Hey.” He said in a soft voice. “Can I talk to you?”

“Go Away. You'll just tell everyone anyway.” She said lifting her head.

“Please?” He pleaded, sitting on the floor. “I promise I wont tell anyone anything.”

“Right.” Tracy let her head fall back on the pillow. “Like I trust you.” Her voice was muffled be the pillow, but he understood her.

“What if I told you something that you could tell people if I tell them about you?” Peter asked.

“Like what?” Tracy looked at him.

He let out a sigh and looked to the floor, his cheeks turned a deep shade of red, as he got the courage to let out his secret. “I...um...I wet the bed.”

Tracy scoffed at him. “Everyone wet the bed as a kid.”

“Not as a kid.” He replied, his eyes moved to a spot on the floor and stayed there. “I mean I wet the bed nightly. Last night, the night before.” A single tear escaped his right eye. He had just given her a piece of information that he wasn't proud of, something he always tried to hide. “That's...that's why you've never stayed over for the night. That's why I won't stay over here.”

Tracy thought about it for a moment and she realized he was right. In all the years he had known her, they never spent the night together. She always had to go home, or he did. She wasn't sure how to respond, other then to roll on to her side and watch him.

Peter pulled himself together, before he ran off in embarrassment and he looked up. “I have a half brother who wears women's clothes in shows they put on in bars. He's a drag queen. He had a friend who was born a boy but wanted to be a girl. I promise I'll never tell anyone.”

Tracy slowly sat up and kept watching him. He noticed that the sheet had dropped, showing her bra and almost her lap. On reflex, Peter turned away and held a hand up. “Um, cover please?”

“What?” She asked.

“You're bra. I can see it.” He answered.

She looked down and shrieked, yanking up the sheet. “Weirdo” She said.

“Yep.” He stood up, grabbing her dress as he did, then he handed it to her. “I came over because I wanted to hang out with you. The only reason I invited you to go to that party was I thought you'd have fun, but if you weren't there, I would have hated it.”

“I still don't want to go.” She said, taking the dress.

“I know. That's why I'd like to hang out with you, tonight.” Peter walked to the door and stepped out, but only closed it a little. “Maybe watch a movie or something here, if your grandma will let me?” He offered.

“Well, we were going to Watch the Wizard of Oz, it should be on soon. Ask and see if you can stay, I'm sure she'll say yes.” She replied. Then she bit her lower lip. “Um....Who do you want? Tracy or Troy?”

He looked back into the room and smiled at her. “I want you to be happy. Be whoever makes you happy.”