To: [email protected]
From: Kat432578@ gmail.com
Re: hi again

Marisa! A computer virus? You couldn’t contact me because of a stupid computer virus? And you couldn’t call? I could kill you and kiss you at the same time. I was going out of my mind here.

What’s this crap about not having enough money to buy a new computer? I’ll transfer enough money to your account to get you whatever computer or laptop or both. I can’t believe you didn’t at least try to call. Marisa, I HAVE MONEY! If I can’t share it with you, then it’s no good at all. Get the best antivirus software you can get, silly.

In the couple of days it’s been. I’ve gotten a lot better. I can get up to walk a little bit. The stupid catheter is still in, but Doc says I will get it out if the swelling goes down enough. So I’m taking my medicine they are giving. A counselor here thinks I should be on anti depressants based on what has happened. I’m glad I chose this place. They just don’t cut you and release you. They actually seem to care.

I guess I’ll take her advice, although I don’t really want to get on medicine I may have to take for the rest of my life. Estrogen is enough. We’ll see if it helps. I can use all the help I can get.

You aren’t going to believe this, but Trent called me again. From up by Myanmar. I asked him how he could call from out in the jungle, and he said he was on a cell phone. They must be celebrating something up there, because I heard a bunch of fireworks going off. At least that’s what he said they were. They must have been really good, because from all of the shouting in the background, people were enjoying it.

He said things were going well up there, and he was coming back in 6 weeks. He wants to see me, Marisa! I don’t know why, but I’m looking forward to it. I may not be ready for you know what, but we can at least have a good time while he is here.

How goes the passport application? I told you to get it earlier. I really could use your help when I get out of here, just as a friend. Phi will do all the heavy lifting. Let me know when you get it, and I’ll have you on the next flight out here. A couple of more weeks like this and I should be ready to be released. That will be so cool. The dilation is still a royal bitch, but even that is getting better.

I feel so much better since you emailed. Get that computer with a webcam so I can see your face and hear your voice again. You make it seem like I’m not going nuts.

Thanks for going over to daddy’s to get my things. Did he ask about me? I was thinking back to when I was about 5 or so. He could make me laugh like no one else. He was my first crush. I remember thinking how big he was, and how good he looked in his uniform. Like the Nutcracker, you know the ballet?

I read somewhere that most little girls have a crush on their father first. I guess that’s when I first knew I was different, although I didn’t know it at the time. He was just my daddy. I was kind of jealous of mom, although I couldn’t understand why.

It’s too bad I couldn’t have stayed that way. Life would have been a whole lot simpler. I have had a lot of opportunity to think while I’ve been down. It was a mistake to live the way I did. I should have at least done some counseling.

Why do I know I’m a girl? Why did I want to be a girl? I just never thought any different. I never identified with boys. I loved the pretty things girls have. Dolls, playing dress up. I guess boys feel the same way about being boys. That’s good, because they make the world a lot more fun .

I loved the relationships. We’ve been friends for years, Marisa, and I can honestly say I would die for you. I don’t want anything from you but you. It seems the boys I’ve known are more interested in taking than giving. I’m not saying they are all like that, but I’ll bet it’s more than half.

I’m so looking forward to hitting the beach in Phuket. I hope we don’t get another wave, I’m not sure I could outrun it now. I’m looking forward to my first good run. It will feel a lot different than with the other equipment, I’m sure.

I hope you are having more luck with your boy problems. Jason was a nice guy, but I think he was a little too interested in one part of your body, if you know what I mean. You have plenty of time for that stuff. I know, I’m the last person to lecture anyone, but I know what it does to you on the inside. Don’t give yourself to just anyone, girl. You are way too special for that.

I haven’t heard anything from Gabi and Heather since I’ve been here. Have they forgotten about me? I sent them some messages on Facebook, but they haven’t gotten back to me yet. I’m sure they will.

I watched the movie “Don Juan DeMarco” this afternoon. Johnny Depp was sooo cool in this. He was misunderstood from the start. What’s wrong with being Don Juan? When He wore the little mask, my heart skipped a beat. He is totally HOT! I know he’s older than daddy, but wow! I guess I could relate a little bit to his character. I’ve been Miss Understood for years! 

I suppose I’d better go for now. I’ve got some therapy to do. That’s code for my unpleasant duty of opening myself up. I’ll Skype you later. The time difference is killing me.

XOXO

Katrina