To: [email protected]
From: Kat432578@ gmail.com
Re: here we go.
Well, Marisa, everything is good to go for my big day tomorrow morning. I have to be at the clinic at seven in the morning. You wanted details, and I’ll give you as many as I can.
The exam was fairly uncomplicated, although I was very uncomfortable with the doctor touching me. I hate that thing, and I won’t miss it. He explained the procedure, and offered to do a boob job at the same time. I said thanks but no thanks. I like my girls just the way they are. A nice, cute B. I’m not turning into some cow so some guys can make rude comments. I just wish that men had to wear clothes that emphasized their little dicks so we could make fun of their shortcomings! ïŠ
Doctor Whatshisname (I can’t pronounce it) said I had enough tissue to make a nice vagina (YAY!), and he didn’t anticipate any problems. I was glad to hear that. I just want this to be over, Marisa. I will have to stay in the hospital for a week, then I will be moved into a recovery facility to finish. He was talking about what I need to do after the surgery and what to expect. Believe it or not, I managed to pay attention the whole time!
I did a little sightseeing after my doctor visit. I didn’t dress up, and wore a baseball cap and sunglasses (NO makeup!). No one noticed me, and that was cool. Trent texted me and asked if we could get together tonight. I said I wasn’t feeling well. (it’s true, I’m not. Nerves, I guess). He is going into the country, close to the Myanmar border. I told him not to forget about me, but I was going to be unable to make any dates for the next few weeks. He said that was okay becase he wouldn’t be back in Bangkok until two months from now. Well, it was nice knowing him, anyway. I won’t forget our date for the rest of my life. He actually treated me like a lady! I know I’m not, but to be treated like one…*Sigh*.
After going back to the hotel, Phi took me to a cool club where all of the entertainers are girls like me. I met a lot of them backstage and although they didn’t speak much English, Phi told them who I was and what I was going to do. The girls were all excited for me. and I got a lot of hugs from them. Some of them were doing what I was doing to earn money for their surgery, but their prospects are a lot dimmer than mine. They make next to nothing, and some of them are badly abused. After I left there, I had a really good cry. I guess I shouldn’t feel too sorry for myself
I posted all the pictures from my trip on my Facebook account, so you can check them out, let me know what you think! I must be the only Facebook account with only three friends. Not many friends, but really high quality ones! ïŠ What are you up to now, like four hundred?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I made my bed, and I can lie in it. I didn’t choose who I was, and if people can’t accept me for who I am, then they can kiss my behind! (I need to start talking like a lady, easy on the crude language. I mean like, fuck, that sounds like hell) *GIGGLE*
I still don’t know what to think about Trent. He likes me, I know he does. But I think he likes the illusion and not the person. I’d like to see his reaction if he saw the freak in the mirror I see every morning.
When will this be over? Marisa, I ache every day. It’s a pain that I can’t get rid of, no matter how many pretty things I wear or how much money I make from the perverts I date. I need to stop now.
Okay, I’m back. I left Trent enough hints to come back and see me when all this is over. I’m planning to spend a little more time here than I originally thought. My visa is for 6 months, and I’m going to stay every hour I can. I have arranged for a little place in Phuket, you know, the place that got hit by the tsunami? Who knows, I might be able to turn a few tricks here and earn some more money! Nope, can’t do that, I’m not a freak anymore. Nothing between my legs but new pussy. I’m just a regular girl. I can’t even do that fucked up stuff anymore. Maybe I can advertise! Hot blonde needs sex for money! Gives wicked cool blowjobs! Hurry hurry!
God I hate this life. Maybe, just maybe I will pull out of this funk. I am so depressed I can’t stand it. I should be on top of the world, but I’m not. Please, PLEASE tell me this will all be worth it!
I have to stick this out. I was reading that the dilation can be painful at first. It’s scary. I am so glad that you are a real girl so you don’t have to do this. I know what you would say. I am a real girl. Maybe. Or maybe I’m just the world’s biggest phony. Whatever.
Just got off the phone with Trent. He said he was on his way to wherever he was going, and he wanted to let me know he was thinking about me. What is up with this guy? It was nice of him, though.
The next few days are going to be rough, so I don’t think I’ll be able to send you anything. If you don’t hear from over here, then everything is okay, so don’t worry!
.XOXO
Katrina
Comments
Thank You ....
.... for leaving out all the minutia. The important thing is what's happening between this girl's ears. Can she survive? Will she survive? Can she escape from the pit she's dug for herself? We shall see.
Portia
Portia
Troublesome clues
She's talking of maybe hooking again after and of depression and this is PRE-surgery?
She is holding it together on a razors edge.
The thoughts of the young man from the plane and his calls are helping but he is going to a dangerous boarder area for two months and just what DOES he do for a profession?
That she has very few friends, even online is also troublesome. I fear she may not make it in the end. She is so close to giving up.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
About Trent, John
I suspect he is basically in the same line of work as she is, only her's is retail while his is wholesale for good ol' Uncle Sam; perhaps one of the alphabet agencies. Remind me some day to tell you about the travel companions I had on a D.C. to Heathrow flight.
* * *
"Girls are like pianos, when they're not upright they're grand!" Benny Hill
Karen J.
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
Thinking mercinary, military or intellgence agent if not a agent
some charity. But that last one seems unlikeley. A grad student doing field work for his doctoral makes more sense but still seems weak.
That it is near a dangerous international border with a secretive and ruthless miltary dictatorship, the money man/bag man for the CIA ot whatever makes sense. It's a better guess than a bioligist or social scientist.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Maybe not so bad after all
Karen, I have been around the alphabet agencies most of life. If the people you met on the plane did anything to lead you to think they were connected to intelligence work, then they very, very probably were not.
There are a lot of jerks who try to brag about being something they're not. Many even have employment at one of the agencies. Either they are only legends in their own minds, or they really think that lying to people about their supposed international importance and access to special secrets is going to help them in life. The people who truly work at something covert generally don't keep their jobs very long if they go around trying to make people think they work in intelligence.
Nevertheless, the real intelligence workers and covert people are chock full of jerks as well. And the things that have been done in the name of "national security" are all too often disgusting, depraved, quite illegal by our own laws and in any event quite counterproductive, stupid and/or foolish. The Bush/Cheney people changed things a lot, and almost entirely down that same track only worse. I'm not talking foreign policy, I mean the changes in how the intelligence organizations are trying to function, plus the almost shoot-yourself-in-the-foot personnel decisions.
Our country thrived and grew for more than a century and a half before coming up with a full-time spy agency. Coincidence? (Just kidding but sometimes I wonder.)
Anyway, people who brag about being spies usually either are not spies, were just hired and are very soon to be fired, or are real spies trying to hide in plain sight by pretending to be buffoonish frauds. That is what experience has been trying to teach me, and it agrees with my studies.
Annemarie
duplicate
oopsies
Love, Andrea Lena
It's the Mom in Me....
...I can't read about her without crying; she sees herself as phony, and I just want to hold her and tell her she's not. The depression is so common for so many of us who invested a lot of emotional energy in a personal goal; once it reached, the crash took place as we realized it wasn't the be-all and end-all for our lives. The easy part is over; the surgery is complete. The hard part continues as she comes to grips with that fact that her life didn't begin with a new vagina; it began when she was conceived, and no one took the time to tell her that she was someone worthwhile. Excellent story and getting better! Thank you!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
!!!
Excellent story.
Well done!
I hope things go well for her-I've heard that the rules are different there, and surgery isn't as safe, I know it's on Katrina's mind. The night before must be torture!
Wren
I prefer to be the optimist
I prefer to be the optimist here. Katrina has had a really lousy few years and now she's doing what she believes is necessary to brighten her future.
Cindilee, I like your style. You've brought Katrina to life.
Thank you!
You comment means a lot.
Peace!
Cindilee
Peace!
Cindilee
Katrina: Jumping Into the Deep End
She needs a good friend, BAD!
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Katrina is Beautiful
If Katrina is the girl in the photo she is beautiful, and
the choice of size B tell us she is sensible. She knows
a women is not the size of her cup, but much more, and if
she were not having doubts she would not be the sensible
women she appears to be.
Excellent and interesting story and chapter.
Kaptin Nibbles
Girls are more than boobs!
Thank you for seeing that.
Peace!
Cindilee
Peace!
Cindilee
Guts And Smarts
She may be down on herself post-op, but as long as she can hold it all together she'll pull through.
For the past few years she turned the odds in her favour and did what she thought she had to do, so she has achieved transition at an early age, but now she's alone in a foreign country feeling sorry for herself. Hardly surprising....it's a sort of anticlimax.
The likely death of her friend Marisa is something she doesn't need, especially at this time, but I reckon this girl has got what it takes. She'll make it,
Joanne
Still going strong
Cindi, I'm still enjoying your spot-on characterizations. You really are a good writer. :-)
Annie