Evanescence 11

Chapter 11

“Easy Raine, slow your breathing, you’re thinking about everything too much. Circular breathing, in for a count of seven, hold for a count of seven, out for a count of seven. Breathe just breathe you have to feel that inside of you. It’s the stillness of being without thought. Breathe, breathe…”

Astrid droned on as I sat in the corner of her kitchen in her big round chair my eyes opened but only focused on the candle in the mason jar on the table. I’m working on learning some meditation. I need to get serious about everything. It’s been five days since my interview with the vampire and I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ve got too many memories rattling around in there of what I know she can do.

Shaun got home alright, after that night he had spent the first night we ran into the vampire. We’ve been seeing each other every night since. It’s been mostly staying in and watching movies or even gaming with the guys. I still care about them a lot so I spells on crosses that I’ve bought them as gifts and stuff. Still we do go out but I go looking out for the vampire especially after dark. You know having multiple lives or remembering multiple lives is a pain in the ass. Try deciding what to wear or what to eat. I mean their not active all the time but…when they are.

You’d think I’d be in more of a mess or in better control but its like. They’re in the background until something rouses them. Like food, it’s a primal thing and affects all of us. And we all like different things. Don’t get me wrong there are benefits to this too. My Vietnamese, Spaniard, and Slave Self have a serious enthrallment with so many things they just didn’t have.

And Shaun’s just as awesome as ever. I think we’re getting serious; we make out and kiss a lot. My Spaniard is a saucy wench hot blooded and loves kissing games. My hooker self
Kind of knows a lot about kissing and making out as well. Shaun usually gets to second base, all the time. Getting more, and more serious has really been on my mind lately. I’m just not sure I can or want to go there. Sex is intense so what will I go through as my hooker self or my much abused slave self? Even my Spaniard for all her bluster and spicy ways was a virgin. Truth be told, I’m scared.

I don’t know I’m over reacting and stuff or not but I’ve been preparing things here, home, at Shaun’s place. I’ve been grinding up herbs like Solomon’s seal and making it into paint. Or mixing holy water in with honey and blood in baby food jars and leave them all over town…old lore says that vampires can’t resist honey and blood it’s old Russian folklore, just to be certain…I used holy water from a Slavic/Mennonite church. I use a broom made from flax and heather to sweep the areas but use Mana to leave a smear according to the spells I had read…it’s supposed to be a protection to burn the feet of the undead or demons and such. I put the garlic here or there, bury some of it. I paint the herbs on doorknobs and railings and fences and random places around town, the same with my sweeping. There’s a lot of lore to what we can do with a broom, in all the stuff I’ve ever read so far I’ve yet to find a way to make the thing fly.

“Raine, Raine! C’mon girl stop fooling around, you’re not centered and your power’s all over the place.”
She’s right, as hard as it is to pick where to bloody eat it’s so much harder to quiet your mind when you’ve this many people being a part of you. Now add in having a boyfriend and keeping a secret like this and worrying about friends and family with a way too quiet vampire/sociopath out there and not being able to find her...it…her.

Plus SHE and I are on the outs. SHE refuses to tell me where Alecia is. I believe her exact words were. “Do I look like I’m wearing a Google-Goddess tee shirt on?”
“But she’s evil; I’m here to stop stuff like her.”
“Are you?”
“Huh? Whaddayamean by that?”
“Just what I said.”
“Alicia’s evil and she’s dangerous and she’s been too damned quiet which means she might be spawning a nest of her own or something. What is she under you protection or something?”
“No I’m not able to do that for her.”
“For? What do YOU mean by for?”
“This is the United States of America, I’m pleading the fifth.”
“Dammit, I need your help with this!”
“No you don’t.”
“Fine then maybe I don’t need YOU at all then!!!”
“Fine!” she yelled back suddenly in the form of a teenager.
“Fine!” I screamed back.
Then she stormed out and slammed the door outside and by the time I had yanked it open she had gone. And it’s been five days since I’ve seen her. Yeah, learning to meditate is just not working at the moment.

I do a big inhale and do that blow my air out my bottom lip thing so it blows my hair out of my face. “Sorry Astrid, I guess I’m just not in the right frame of mind to work on it right now.” I get out of the chair and stretch, my back’s not used to sitting like that. Slave me is pissed we’re that soft and there’s quiet disappointment from the Vietnamese me/us that we can’t seem to grasp these things yet. It all kind of gives me a headache.
“Ah that’s all right Rainbow you can’t force these things, how about we do some other things to get your mind off of things.”

It was really nice to stop doing that and just to do some normal stuff. We get to work and we start making a mess of things. We’re making soaps out on a couple of hotplates out on her porch using nice smelling herbs and flowers and other stuff like animal fat and the like to make things like they really used to back in the old days. There’s a pot of liniment I’m making and spelling for her and a few other herbal cures.

Spelling things like that is called a lot of things. But the basis is this. Any herb or ingredient that has rumored or long known mystical properties gets invested with that exact potential by common belief. Now picked they are often dead and thus devoid of mama. When you spell these ingredients you fill or refill the mana of the ingredient in every cell of it and that changes it into a mystical component. That is the secret to every shaman, druid, witchdoctor and herbalist that creates these wonder medicines.

I sell my stuff and give it away and at least my stuff works. I’d love the chance to actually work with my stuff once I’m better at it with an open minded doctor, I think that’d be cool but then again most doctors don’t believe in or wouldn’t admit to majik being real.

It’s when you’re combining these things to do things that can only be described as majik like real potions and stuff is when you start getting into alchemy. From everything I’ve gathered that’s a whole other discipline of the use of power. Oh yeah there’s as many different ways of doing things with the power as there is in all the fiction of the world.

But that’s not all I can do with the power. If used right you can charge things up to bring out their best or even subtle qualities of foods. You bet your but I’m using it to cook. So everything I bake with a touch of power in it raises perfectly, tastes great like it really should and all that jazz. I make a peach jam that tastes juice sun-kissed and juicy. Yeah it can be seen as cheating but it’s also just majik. And there’s a trade off, I mean with all the negative stuff going on with what I’ve got going on there has to be some kind of balance. Plus there’s limits, you’re still only as good as you can cook/bake and you’re still limited by the quality of your ingredients.

It does the trick though; doing stuff like this really relaxes me. I get on the phone and call Shaun up. “Hey, handsome how you doing today?”
“Hey Raine, doing good just out helping dad pull up the potatoes today.”
“How’d they turn out?”
“Good actually we’ll have lots. So you’re over at Astrid’s?”
“How’d you know?”
“I’m psychic.”
“Mom told you?”
“Yeah I called and you said you’d be over there doing your Wicca stuff.”
“Yeah sort of.”
“Okay, that doesn’t sound too good what happened?”
“It’s this trying to meditate thing, it’s just not working.”
“Maybe you’re trying too hard? You seem to be stressing.”
“Yeah, It’s just I’ve got some things on my mind.”
“Like what? Raine…you know that you can talk to me about anything right?”
“Yeah but I’m okay…”
“Yuh-huh, you need a drive?”
“Yeah, I’ve got three boxes of stuff made up to take to the farmers market tomorrow.”
“You want a drive then too?”
“Please, I’d really appreciate it.”
“One condition.”
“What’s that?”
“You come over here after I pick you up, Jill’s home she said that she wants to meet the new and improved Raine.”
“Really! I’d love to see your sister again!”
“Yuh-huh you only had like a major crush on her all through school.”
“Yeah because she was cool and now that I actually know who I’m really supposed to be I think it was more like hero worship than being hot for her.”
“Okay, well you can fan-girl over her at supper tonight. I’ll be right over.”

Well he wasn’t too far off from the right over as he pulled up in his car still very much the typical guy. Shirt unbuttoned from working out in the garden and…oh yeah his shirt was unbuttoned…sigh, okay he might have lots of mud on him and dirt and stuff but Shaun’s got this really killer tan from all that time down south and he’s really worked and works hard so the skinny kind of gamer geek kind of shot up and broadened out into this really cute guy. He’s got lots of these hard rippling muscles and a six-pack of abs. I mean he’s no football player jock giant but tanned, hard bodied from hard farm work and just over six foot, just and about 190lbs of very solid guy. Blonde haired and blue eyed he’s really easy on the eyes…Mmmm, unbuttoned shirt.

Shaun pops his trunk and walks over with two peach baskets stuffed full of fresh right out of the garden potatoes and a whole bunch of carrots, beets and two turnips. “Hey babe.” he says as he kisses me with a quick peck and gives another one to Astrid. “We’re pulling a few things while we’re doing the potatoes so I thought I’d just save you a trip to the store Astrid.” Her face does that big beaming thing, I love about older people. Yeah seniors might have been through stuff and there’s a lot that can suck sometimes about getting older but the one thing that just gets better and better as anyone gets older is their smiles. It’s probably a good thirty or forty bucks worth of stuff and that makes a difference when you’re on a fixed income. It’s why I brew here with her, I always make free stuff for Astrid but I give her a cut of the money as well. “Oh why that you Shauney-boy you know there isn’t too many young men like you around here anymore.” She kisses him on the cheek and smiles at me. “You young lady best treat him good, he’s too good to let get away.”
“I know Astrid, oh I know. Shaun’s treated me better than I ever really though I might get out of my life since I started figuring things out.”
Shaun blushes just a little but enough that it just sets off those cute dimples of his. “Raine’s just getting things a bit out of place there Astrid. They’ve been my best friend for nearly all my life so when things turned out like this and my best friend shows back up into my life as this sweet, amazing and beautiful young woman how couldn’t I fall for her?”
I blush a little too.

But I walk right up into his arms and kiss him as soon as he’s set the food down. I really love Kissing him. Different parts of me love kissing him, and touching him. Just running my fingers over his arms and chest all tight under the skin with muscle runs this primal sense feed through the nerves in my hands through the rest of my body. My nipples get so, so damned hard they hurt, and there’s this ache in my breasts as I get so very quickly turned on by touching him, feeling him. There’s this ache deep inside of me I don’t know but all of the other parts of me recognizes as want, need to be filled…I’m…oh, his hands slide down my back and those strong arms are wrapping around me and his hands squeeze my bottom. The thrill zips up my spine and into my brain and I almost whine.

We break apart from kissing and we nuzzle a second. Shaun smiles at me and pecks my cheek and then starts to take my boxes of stuff out to the car and puts them in the trunk. I kiss Astrid and we drive through town out to his house. I’m really love him, I’m so turned on right now even Ko see’s him as something desirable and Joanna is feeling very different too…there is something that takes him to someone more real to that side of me,is me that is comforted on this deep level about his hard working scent, his sweat, the smell of soil of him. “Shaun?, you remember the old barn where we used to go to smoke joints at?”
“Yeah why?”
“Can we go there?”
“Sure…?”
We get there and pull in backwards. It’s an old barn in a stand of spruce wildly over grown and it has no doors on it. It’s a great place to hide out from getting see from the cops. Shaun looks at me. “So what are we going to light up…” I interrupt him with a kiss. We start necking and we start French kissing, Antonia is vibrating in me and Lindsey is bubbling up bringing all the hooker with her. Even like I said Ko who see’s just how good and respectful a man he is, respect especially the way he treats us, and thought of Astrid makes this feeling in her of Yes…more than anything Ko wants a good man. It’s more important than stuff like money or looks. Joanna is with me in the whole falling for him, he’s shown his worth more than a few times about us but this hard working smelling of the earth and hard work thing, it just broke the ice we, she, I have over the really bad sexual abuses I’ve suffered.

My hands work at unbuckling his jeans and Shaun grabs a sleeping bag from his back seat. “Not here Raine, not in the car…” He leads me out by my hand and I can’t help but cry because he’s moving some of the better hat around before setting out the sleeping bag…He’s…he wants this to be special…god how many guys would just want to just get some. He turns in just his boxer briefs and that faded open denim shirt. I kiss him hard and then his chin, I nibble a bit on the baby stubble he’s got there and I start to kiss down his chest. I can tastes salt, his salts on his skin and earth, not like he’s dirty but I can tasted the good earth on his skin…smell it and it goes straight to my girly brain and swirls around like a lover to each of me and all of me…us.
I sink to my knees and pull Shaun’s rapidly hardening cock free of his briefs. I’ve my own experiences but Shaun is different he’s long and thickening and veins ripple down it erotically and there’s as much wonder from the virginal parts of me as pleasure at knowing that Shaun’s actually got a beautiful specimen of manhood. I eagerly wrap my lips around it…and I can’t help but moan. There’s this switch of so much girl, woman within me and we all want the same thing and we so…I so know what to do with this. It drives my eyes to flutter and honestly they roll back in my head with pleasure a few times. I’ve never had, tasted any man like this. This isn’t just being a girl…this…this has to be something about being the Evanescence…it’s like all the women in my head, all the me’s are blending together and becoming me…even it I’m not complete it’s already the best sex I’ve ever had in my life…lives…

Shaun, I don’t have a clue as too what’s going through his head but he cries out my name and almost cracks his voice as my nose nuzzles his pubic bone. I’ve deep throated before and I haven’t and there is the feeling as he cries out my name like that and his fingers dig in through my hair not hard but hanging on….I move my throat, I use muscles and other whore’s tricks combined with Ko’s reverence to her man by her culture, My slave self comes out along with that wild voodoo woman and it mixes in with being a professional hooker and being a hot blooded yet virginal Spaniard mixes with myself being this new life of mine, This T-girl that I am now. There’s this point when I just am.

I am woman, I am Raine, I am the Evanescence…And as I’m hitting that point I’m draining Shaun while he’s crying, he’s sobbing my name as his explodes and I take it all in…I’m…not even me at this point, not the me that I know but the me that I am as I was born to be. It was that moment when you step right into who you were meant to be. Who you realize who you are and everything changes.

Shaun can’t stand anymore but as we lay down to make love on the sleeping bag I’m on top, the dominant one but not either. I was naked very quickly and soon he was inside me. I can feel him unable to flag because my essence is drawing his very maleness to his surface…Shaun has such power inside of him too, his essence is strong and so is his mana? The charms on his car…at his house…his mom’s not the wielder…Shaun is…That realization hits and it does sink in but it’s like gas to my fires of passion.

I roll over so he’s on top, and it’s good, it’s better than good. He might know but I have to… “Shaun…Shaun…look at me…” He looks down at me and I smile, we smile at him and I form a light mote in my hand in front of him. He’s staring at me, so blue so intense and…There’s a tear there running down a cheek. “Thank you Raine, thank you for trusting me…” he kisses me and our love making gets even more…just more as I feel his mana reaching into mine, but like he’s making love to my inner self as much as our bodies are and it’s not an invasion, it’s giving himself to me. And it’s me…it’s my woman’s soul taking his heart into mine and enfolding around him and saying he’s home. My little light mote meets one that slides out of his as our hands interlock by our fingers and melds with mine and they spin around and through each other like these little fireflies that make more fireflies that reproduce into more everytime that we experience a little frission of pleasure. It’s like they’re us and this little swarm of sun motes around us as we make love. Our power kind of spills out of us and the hay goes from old and dead to fresh cut and the sleeping bag and us start to float up a few inches into the air. Their’s ever this squawk from the car as the radio turns on suddenly and “Unchained Melody” start to play over the speakers…There has been nothing like this to anything any part of me has ever known.

I see The Goddess in Shaun’s eyes and right now that she is me…