Evanescence 8

Chapter 8

I wake up in the hospital again. Mom’s there in uniform. “Are you okay?” she asks me. I’m blinking as a little dazed. “Uhm yeah, I think so…ow.” My right arm hurts like the dickens. It’s in bandages and in a sling. I look at mom. I remember being on my bike then there was… (Best not to tell her about the majik stuff.)
“I remember driving and then taking the corner then the bike just went our from under me. I think I might have hit some loose gravel that had come off the side of the road onto the pavement.”
She runs her finger still through my hair, the gesture is so sweet. “I remember telling you that motorcycles are dangerous. Do you know what we call bikers on the job?”
“Yes Mom.”
“And what is that my oh so smart daughter?”
“Organ donors.”
“That’s right organ donors.”
“Were you drinking?”
“Mom!”
“Were you drinking?”
“No!”
Mom really gives me the frown, oh…not the mom frown, not even the cop frown but she gives me the mom cop frown. Oh the look on her face tells me she thinks she’s smelling bullshit.
I can’t help but laugh, and dammit it hurts to laugh.
She crosses her arms across yet under her breasts in this angry woman meets cop look.
“And what the hell are you finding suddenly so funny?”
“The look you’ve got on your face.”
“What look?”
“Like when dad used to fart in the car.”

We both get a little quiet at that, at the reminder of my times with him. And of course my HORMONES just had to kick in with the thing that happened but didn’t happen with the thing and the new lives and the nightmares and being a girl it all rushes together and normally I can handle this, I can.

The wipe out on the bike is just one thing too much and even if I’m not badly hurt it just pushes me over the edge and I start crying.

I want my daddy.

It’s not a major freak out but just something I needed to purge out of my system.
It just hurts. It hurts a lot.
I mean I get it. I was his son. I might have been a fuck up to him and even to others but at the same time I was his only son. And a father will have this great bond with his son. That’s gone.

It’s just….
It’s just…
I’m a girl now.
And every little girl loves her daddy. That’s the way that it’s supposed to be. Instead I broke our family apart.

Mom takes me to get discharged and is pushing me in the wheelchair through the lobby when Shaun shows up with his car at the front entrance and he’s got a big bouquet of pink roses and mums in his hand for me. There’s a few wild flowers and even sprigs of healing herbs in the bouquet. It’s tied with twine and is lovely. He never bought this and I’m thinking it came from his mom’s garden.

It’s still really sweet of him. I smile at him. “Thanks Shaun these are really sweet.”
I kiss him on the cheek and he holds the door open for me to get in his car.
I can feel the writ and engraving of protective charms under the paint job of the car, some one had done this recently within the year.

Apparently Shaun’s mom is one crafty old witch. Okay sorry 40 something isn’t old. But you know it sort of is for a witch. We tend to get killed a lot.

“Shaun? You make sure you get her home safe and sound alright?” My mom the cop.
“Yes maam.”
“Good boy.”
He closes the door for me then goes around to the other side and gets in the starts to drive. “So are you really okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine I’m just a spazz is all.”
“Are you sure?” he’s giving me this concerned look.
“You know you wouldn’t have asked me twice a few months ago.”
“I wouldn’t have done a lot of things with you then.”
“True, it’s weird because I uhm did fool around with a guy once and I didn’t really like it then.”
“And now?”
“I’m really attracted to you. I think the right hormones must have a lot to do with it.”
“Well I’m glad for that.”
“You are? I mean you like said but you know I’m still Raine right.”
“Yes Raine I know who you are.” He rolls his eyes at me and finishes with a duh expression on his face.
“I smile my best Spanish —Hottie smile at him going all sexy seductress on him. “Shaun honey you’ve got no idea who I am.” Too true, too true.

We pass by a few fast-food places and my stomach growls loudly. I used up a lot of power in that fight and traveling. Shaun pulls around at one of the gas stations. “Where are we going?”
“You’re hungry so I thought that I’d grab some lunch and treat you while I’m at it.”
“Shaun! You don’t have too, you came to get me, and you brought me these amazing flowers that I really love you don’t have to take me for lunch.”
“I want to take you to lunch.”
“But you don’t have too, I can eat home.”
“Raine? Did it ever actually occur to you that I might be hungry too?”
“No…”
“Raine! Jesus girl I know you’re in the right gender when you getting that lose to driving a guy crazy.” I puff my chest out and preen a little...
“Thank you thank you I get another 14 guys to get their blood pressure to where yours is at and I’ll gain a level of experience.”
“Oh really? I didn’t know you could play Trans characters in Munchkin.” He laughs at me with his little joke. Okay I’m laughing too because that was a little bit funny. Doing stuff like this with Shaun tells me even though I’ve/we’ve changed we are still friends. I love that fact and it makes me feel so much more strongly for him. I feel it starting in my girls and this warm care for feeling like…It’s like the estrogens in my blood are soaking up the good feelings and carrying them through my body.

Does that happen to anyone else?

Shaun…Sigh…my sweet Shaun, where does he take me? To my favorite place in the world. A&W. We pull in and the girl…SHE…come’s out on the old fashioned roller-skates her hair a long brown done into pig-tails and SHE’s got these freckles and looks just like one of the serving girls that used to work here back when I was a little kid. I don’t know why SHE’s here it’s like she likes to hang around me every once in awhile.

Or cook me breakfast.

Or wait on my order.

THE Goddess is weird.

We get our food with Shaun ordering the Papa burger and an extra large helping of onion rings for the both of us. I get a mama burger and gravy fries with cheese. We both get large root beer floats. SHE touches my injured arm as SHE hooks the tray to my window and the pain just goes away…I feel better, healed. SHE winks at me an mouths. “I’m so proud of you,”

I’m a happy, happy girl. I did good, I see the kids in my minds eye and they’re happy and with their parents and safe, oh that the light they’re safe. And my arm doesn’t hurt and Most importantly of all I have my root beer float. I love A&W, I do, I do.

We listen to our tunes we used to cruise around town to back in my estrogen challenged days. I dance in my seat as I eat and can’t get the smile off of my face. I’m having a great time.

Shaun drives me home and grabs my things, my pack and stuff were with me in the accident plus my bra is in there. I carry my flowers still smelling them. It’s so nice not having to pretend. “Just let me get these into some water Shaun.” I get a vase mom has around and wash the dust off of it. Damn…No Genie, or Jeanie, or Djinnie? Oh well can’t blame a girl for trying right? I turn to ask Shaun. “Hey do you want a chocolate…” He’s right there and he’s kissing me.

Oh, oh yum…I love it, I want to be like taking it slowly but It’s Shaun, I’ve known him already for so long that this is so much better for that. He’s my best friend, he’s, he’s oh, oh, oh…His hands are on my boobies, yes I said that my brain just shrank with the yayness. Oh, ooooh that feels so good. Guys you can’t justify or even imagine what it’s like having your boobies held and rubbed in the right way the most perfect way. My old me part is really awake now. It’s pressing against my girls jeans. It’s embarrassing, I look down… “Oh, Shaun I’m sorry it’s…” He kisses me again to shut me up and then…FUCK…He takes those farm strong hands and right at the v-neck of my t-shirt he rips the fabric open like he’s Hulk Hogan and exposes me and takes a nipple in my mouth right then.

Nothing has ever felt this good, ever…There’s tears in my eyes as I’m swamped with my selves. My Spaniard has dreamed all her life for a man to ravage her. My slave self is freaked from that too familiar tearing of cloth sound but confused by how tender Shaun’s being. My emo girl was a hooker and can remember sexy like this. There are guys that weren’t all assholes, and she can tell my Shaun is special.

My Shaun, oh my Shaun… “Oh Shaun.” I repeat over and over again. I’ve never felt so good in my lives. I swear WE started calling out his name.

Then he kisses down my stomach, he nuzzles my belly button, he kisses it then unbuttons my jeans, he pulls down my panties and I’m freaking a little, he’s going to see the worst part of me, the part that’s not a girl and is so not acting like one…He takes my…into his mouth and he swirls his tongue around me. He sucks on me and…I cry out as it feels…It feels fucking amazing. I’ve felt this, but no other part of me has. My Spaniard was a virgin, my emo hooker is amused she’s been serviced by guys before but she is intrigued by the fact. My slave girl is so blown away, so relishing this, that she is getting her dick sucked by a white guy on his knees in front of her…There’s a bit, no a lot of anger there and it’s suck a turn on that the roles are reversed and I’m/she/we are getting this done.

I can’t keep my fingers out of his hair, I can’t stop myself from starting to pump my hips. Shaun’s left hand slides up to play with one of my breasts, cupping it, squeezing lightly. His other hand slides a finger into my little rosebud and he doesn’t finger me he…he…feels around and finds my boy button and he…he…rubs just that and there’s pressure…My brain begins to bubble and boil…I cry out his name and the hand on my breast just slightly pinches my nipple then I CUM…Yes caps…I lose my minds and I have never, ever, EVER had a sexual experience like this…We are Sobbing with the strength the power of it.

My knees slowly give out and he picks me up and carries me to my room and my bed and he lies down with me. That, being carried like I’m still the girl means a huge amount to me emotionally.

He kisses me once we’re lying down. He uses his tongue and he gives me a snowball. I’m dazed, I’m confused. But it feels so good to be held, and kissed. Shaun doesn’t kiss me like I’m a guy. He strokes and pets my breasts, he kisses them. He’s really hard and I suck him until he cums too. It’s really different for me this time. The last time I did it it was just kind of so-so. My Spaniard is kind of disgusted and had never heard of such a thing and the other two are experience cocksuckers. But this is different, so different because I really want this. I want to not just return the favor but as an act of love for my best friend.
And being flooded with estrogens I think makes a strong difference.

We kiss and even nap until about 2:30 in the afternoon. Shaun kisses me. “Do you want to go out to supper before we go out to the show?” I think about it and I am so kind of messed up about what I’m feeling. “Yeah, That’d be nice…are we going to the early show or the late show?” He kisses me and I can taste us some more. “How about the late show? It’ll give us time for a nice supper.” I nod, he kisses me again. He leaves but I did notice the worried look in his eyes.

I’m a girl right?, I’m in transition sure but I’m a girl, so did Shaun and I just have gay boy sex? I curl around the pillows and start to cry an little. SHE forms behind me and SHE’s in HER trans-girl self and she wraps her arms around me and holds me.