She moved forward and we embraced. Our lips met and we kissed. "Careful, Am, you'll smudge my lipstick." "Sorry Cel, hard to stop myself. You're looking so hot." The Price To Pay - 5.03 - Mum! by Alys

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Vol. 5.03
 

"No!" I exclaimed loudly, attracting some curious glances from the throng of shoppers on the street.

My Mother stopped in her tracks and turned to look at my quizzically, "What do you mean 'no'?"

"No, I'm not going into another shop," I replied as I found a space next to the front window of the 'House of Fraser' department store to lean against. I put the nine large shopping bags down on the ground to rest my aching arms.

My Mother turned and came towards me, with a pleading look on her face, "But Celyn, it's only three and we still haven't been to House of Fraser, French Connection, Dorothy Perkins or Laura Ashley."

"Mum don't you think we've done enough shopping for the day?" I asked, gesturing towards the bags taking up a significant amount of the pavement around my feet, "we must have enough new clothes for the next millennium."

Mum turned up her supplicant expression to maximum impact before responding, "Now come on Celyn, love, you know how much I've been looking forward to coming to Oxford Street to shop with you. We may not get this opportunity again for a very long time."

I felt my resolve weakening in the face of my Mother's guilt inducing comments but before I could give in further twinges of pain shoot through my three inch heeled feet.

"Mum, my feet are killing me!" I said before leaning forward to massage them.

"Celyn! What are you doing?"

I looked up in surprise as Mum quickly moved to stand in front of me, shielding me from the mass of shoppers entering and exiting the department store.

"I'm rubbing my feet, dunno why you made me wear these stupid heels, they're useless for shopping," I responded.

"Celyn, stand up this minute!" she hissed urgently.

I slowly obeyed, "whassup Mum?"

"You're nearly falling out of your dress and flashing the whole of Oxford Street," she whispered.

I instinctively put my arms up to cover my boobs and felt the heat of my embarrassment on my cheeks. I looked around and noticed a number of older men quickly turn their gaze away from me as they walked through the entrance lobby. I felt violated and a bit nauseous.

"It's your fault, making me wear this low cut dress," I whimpered as I felt the stresses of the day finally overwhelm me, "what were you thinking?"

"Here Celyn, put this on," Mum reassured, taking out a newly purchased cashmere cardigan from one of the bags, "You know I wanted you to look nice for our special day and you've definitely turned quite a few heads."

I quickly put the cardigan and felt relieved to be less exposed while ignoring yet another of Mum's girl orientation remarks. I definitely wasn't eager to turn any-one's head!

"OK, I guess we've done enough shopping for the day, how about a visit to the House of Fraser cafe, I read somewhere that their chocolate cake is 'to die for'," she said as a smile danced across her lips before turning and walking through the antique oak framed doors.

I gratefully picked up the bags and followed.

Ten minutes later we made it through the crowded restaurant in time to grab a two person table that was just being vacated by an elderly couple.

"Look after my chair, Celyn, I'll get the cakes, did you want a coffee too?" asked my Mum as I gratefully sat down and flicked off my shoes.

"Please, Mum, a cappuccino with cinnamon," I responded.

She nodded before making her way back to the queue.

As I reached down to massage my aching feet my mind wandered, from the scenes of bustling shoppers around me, to the events of the last two weeks. I wondered what Sanjay and the rest of his mates were doing. I had began to really look forward to the football kick-abouts in school and, since last weekend, now on Saturdays too. I was a bit pissed off with Mum for wanting to spend the whole day shopping when I could have had some fun in Southall park.

"I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero to the morning light....," sounded from within my handbag.

"Hi Amarjit," I said quietly into my phone.

"How's it going?" she asked.

I looked around to make sure my Mother wasn't within earshot, "She's as bad as ever, you know she could shop for Wales in the Olympics, my feet ache so much."

The sound of Amarjit's laughter was so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear, "....didn't know you had a team. What's wrong with your feet?"

"Mum bought me this long vest like dress and some heels from River Island and made me wear it and now my feet are so sore and my boobs keep wanting to pop out."

The laughter was even louder this time and I had to hold the phone at arms length to avoid the sound giving me earache. I noticed shoppers on nearby tables giving me dirty looks.

"Celyn, Celyn are you there?"

"Sorry Am had to hold the phone away from me, can you try laughing a bit quieter."

For the third time there was merriment at the other end of the call, but this time it was clearly being muffled and I managed to avoid holding the phone away from me for the third time.

"So you're not enjoying it then?" she asked.

"No and it's only 'cos she guilt tripped me about coming all the way from Wales to see me and everything.......sorry Am she's coming back, see you tomorrow," I replied.

"Or sooner," responded Amarjit enigmatically, before cutting off.

I lent forward to rub my aching feet again as Mum made her way carefully through the small gaps between the surrounding tables with her tray of drinks and cakes. I wondered if the vague suggestions earlier of renting a flat for me would materialise. I was beginning to feel constricted staying with Amarjit's family. It was very hard to find time to spend with her without others being present.

"There you go Celyn, tuck in," said Mum when she set the tray down on the table.

I took the fork off the tray, cut a generous piece of cake with it and then let the sensuous taste and texture take me away into a temporary refuge from my physical and mental aches and pains.

Two hours later I walked into my Mother's hotel room collapsed into the armchair.

After a long rest in House of Fraser's restaurant, half-listening to the latest details of the maternal social circle, we had compromised on a relatively short tour of the clothes department in the store before finally hailing a taxi.

"Celyn you can't leave the bags there," said Mum as she walked in behind me.

"Ah Mum, I'm so tired," I whined in my best nasal teen voice.

"Come on Celyn," she said as she opened one of the bags and took out one of the dresses she'd bought me, "you know we need to put them away otherwise they'll get creased."

"But Mum, I'm not going to be wearing them anytime soon, you said to get them for the end of term sixth form social and that's ages yet."

"But Celyn I was hoping you'd try them on once we've rested before I go back to Wales tomorrow."

Beaten by my Mother's pleadings, and the guilt I felt about her spending so much money on me, I pushed myself off the chair and helped her hang up the dresses, skirts and tops in the expansive wardrobe of the five star hotel room.

After completing this to her exacting standards I took the opportunity to have a shower and change back into the loose sweats I'd been wearing when I'd met my Mum at Paddington station just after ten in the morning. I then sat down and had a proper look at the file of newspaper cuttings she had brought with her while she showered herself.

I found myself becoming increasingly indignant as I read the prejudiced comments, the only consolation being the decreasing size of the headlines and length of the columns. At least there was victory of sorts reflected in the final report.

'Wales FA backs down on trans girl'
Today, in a brief statement, the Welsh Football Association announced it had reversed its previous decision to ban Celyn Morus from playing for either the boys' or girls' football teams.

I threw the file on the bed muttering sarcastically to myself, "I so want to play for them now."

"What's that love?" asked Mum as she walked out of the bathroom wrapped in one of the huge pink towels.

"What's what?"

"You sounded angry about something."

"Just reading the papers, Mum, not that I care any more. I wouldn't play for them if they paid me... a lot, I'd rather just play with the boys in school," I explained.

"I can understand how you feel about those stuffed shirts at the top," she responded as she dressed in a smart blouse and skirt, "but no need to be hasty about this, you know how much you enjoy football."

"Still do," I replied a little grumpily.

"Maybe you'll feel better about it at Christmas when you come home and see your friends again."

"Maybe," I said feeling a little queasy at the prospect of facing Meryl and Siá´n again.

There was a silence between us. I didn't really want to talk more about the situation I'd left behind so I picked up my copy of Time Out and flicked through the film pages. I noticed Mum looking at me, with a strange expression on her face. After a little while she turned back to mirror and did her make up.

About ten minutes later I was distracted from the review I was reading.

"Celyn?"

"Yes."

"Can you do me a favour?"

"What's that Mum?"

"Can you try on the dress from Debenhams."

"Which one's that?"

"The little black one, you know, the one by Julien MacDonald

"OK," I replied before turning back to the review.

"Now, please Celyn."

"What's the rush?"

"Can you indulge me please, I have my reasons."

I stood up and slipped my sweats off and walked towards the wardrobe.

"The bra too, love."

"What?"

"It's a low back, you'll have to take your bra off, it'll look better without."

"OK." I muttered while I quickly pulled my bra down and twisted it round to detach the hooks. As I dropped it on the bed I caught Mum giving me a funny look.

"What's up? Something wrong?" I asked a little puzzled with her expression.

She smiled at me before replying, "Sorry for staring Celyn, I hadn't realised how beautiful your breasts were before, I don't often see you naked."

I shrugged my shoulders before turning to take the dress off the hanger, "I could happily do without them, they're a hassle when I play football."

"Celyn how can you say that!" my Mum rebuked, " there are many girls who would die to have a body like yours."

I turned from stepping into the dress and stared at Mum and almost shouted at her, "What did you just say?"

She put her hand to her mouth, "Oh, that's wrong, I'm so sorry it came out like that."

I turned away from her and finished pulling my dress up. Suddenly I felt really sick.

"I nearly did, Mum, remember that." I replied in almost a whisper.

She walked slowly towards me and put her hands on my shoulder, squeezing them gently.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, I turned towards her and she put her arms around me. I lay my head on her shoulder and she caressed my hair.

"Mum, I know I'm a girl now. You don't have to go on about it," I said between sobs.

"I'm sorry love, sometimes I see you as you look today and forget how you got here," she said softly as she pushed my hair from my face and then gently dried my eyes. She took my hand and led me towards the seat in front of the mirror and gently sat me down.

"You sit here Celyn and I'll do your make up for you."

I sat down a looked a my still moistened cheeks in the mirror. I took her handkerchief and cleaned the rest of the liquid from my face. I looked up at Mum, "Is there some special occasion to dress up?"

She hesitated a little before replying, "I am staying in a posh hotel so we have to keep up standards, don't you think? Now sit still while I do this. You don't want eye-liner all over your forehead."

Twenty minutes later Mum had just pronounced herself satisfied with her handiwork when there was a knock on the door. I noticed a small smile on her face before she asked, "Celyn can you get the door. I need to go to the loo."

I stood up, adjusted my dress so it showed a little less of my boobs and walked over to the door. As I walked over I wondered why anyone would be knocking on our door. As I pulled the door handle up I hoped it wasn't one of the male hotel staff.

Amarjit stood there in a very smart leather jacket, jeans and check shirt. I was stunned into silence by the sudden appearance of my best friend while my mouth decided it was a goldfish looking for food.

"Am I late? Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Late? What do you mean?" I responded after a few more seconds, finally re-gaining control of my piscine lips.

"Your Mum phoned me earlier, said come here to go for a meal. You didn't know?"

I shook my head. Amarjit looked surprised for a moment and then smiled, "Your Mum! She's set us up."

She moved forward and we embraced. Our lips met and we kissed.

"Careful, Am, you'll smudge my lipstick."

"Sorry Cel, hard to stop myself. You're looking so hot."

I blushed, "Thanks but I don't think so."

"No, I mean it, I've always thought you were pretty but with that dress and your make-up you are completely drop-dead."

"You're looking pretty fit yourself," I responded a little huskily and was about to resume our lip-lock when I heard Mum's cough.

"Hope I'm not disturbing anything," she said.

I moved away a little from my secret girlfriend, who squeezed my bum as we separated, and turned to face my smiling Mother, "Not at all Mum. Why didn't you tell me you'd invited Amarjit?"

"It's a surprise, love, a way of thanking you for giving up time with your friends today to spend the day with your fussy old Mother so I've booked a room for you and Amarjit in the hotel so that after dinner you you can go and have fun in this club round the corner without having to worry about getting home later on the tube," she replied.

"What club is that?" I asked.

It's Club 49 in Greek street, I found it on the Internet when I looked for interesting places around the hotel. It looks really classy. You never know maybe you'll find some nice young men there."

Amarjit and I looked at each other. She mouthed 'as if' while her face was turned away from Mum's.

"What do you mean, Mum?"

"Well some nice male company, you never know I'm sure that there will be plenty of city dealers in that sort of place, think what you could do or where you could live with million pound bonuses," she responded, "but one thing."

I was becoming increasingly confused by the unexpected developments of the last few minutes and wondered what on earth Mum was talking about, "What's that?"

"No bringing any men back to your room," she directed.

"Mum!"

"Mrs Morus!"

"Well now the rules are clear why don't we go down and sample the cuisine and the service," said Mum.

We turned and followed my Mother out of the room, both of us too stunned to speak.

Two hours later, after a sumptuous meal, Amarjit and I stood outside the club. We looked at the neon outside of the club and the big bouncers standing there controlling access. We noticed that most of the people going in were single men or straight couples.

"What do you think, Am? I asked, feeling a little unsure about the place.

"Up to you, it was your Mum's suggestion."

"I don't really fancy this, they all look a bit old, what d'you think?" I asked.

Amarjit smiled, "Since when was mid-twenties old? Don't worry I know a much better place, just round the corner in Dean Street, it's a special place, I've been there a few times before."

"Oh what is it?" I asked.

"It's called the Candy Club I'm sure you can guess what sort of club it is," she replied.

Somehow the earlier food confused my thinking, "Dunno, a club with a cafe?"

Amarjit gently squeezed my arm and then guided me away from Club 49, "No silly, a Lesbian one. Come on let's go."

"Wow, cool," I responded, relieved to be moving away from the intimidating looking bouncers and excited at the prospect of going to my first gay club.

Amarjit moved her hand up my arm, caressing it gently as she did, before sliding it across my shoulder and then turning to brush her lips against mine, before saying softly "You'll enjoy it, it's a great atmosphere, good music and later on...."

I kissed her back, "I just hope it's a double bed."

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To Be Continued
 
End of Vol. 5.03