The door to the school nurse’s office was wide open, so she had to be in there or at least nearby. I began by knocking on the doorpost and calling out to her. “Nurse Banner, are you there?”

“Yes, I am. Who is it?”

“Alexander Ivanovitch Petroff,” I answered with my full name.

“Oh, Sasha! What brings you in today? It’s usually Sonia here.” Nurse Banner was wearing scrubs with matching white tunic and white pants. She had her rich dark-blond hair tied up in a ponytail by a cute white bow. Almost every guy in the school would fake an illness or injure himself to get sent to her office. That’s Miss Banner, by the way.

“Can we talk? I’m really worried. I’ve had this problem all morning and it’s weird.”

“All right. Let me get the door first.” Nurse Banner pulled the door close and motioned that I should get up on the examining table. As I sat up, I suddenly saw the miniskirt again and tried to crossed my knees but my jeans were still there.

Nurse Banner put a clean sleeve on an oral digital thermometer and stuck it under my tongue. Then she grabbed the cuff of a sphygmomanometer, wrapped it around my upper left arm, and put a stethoscope in her ears, almost in a single motion. She began pumping the rubber bulb while listening for whatever nurses do to take blood pressure. As the cuff tightened around my arm I had another fleeting glimpse of that French manicure on my left hand. I looked for the wedding rings that I had seen earlier, but they weren’t there.

She shook her head and sighed. “Honey, your systolic is through the roof! And your diastolic is elevated, too. You’re white as a sheet and you look like you haven’t slept in two days!”

Well, do the numbers! How high is it?

The digital thermometer beeped and she took it from my mouth to read the display.

Betcha she won’t tell me my actual temperature either.

“At least you don’t have a fever. Your temp’s normal enough. But no fifteen or sixteen year-old boy should have blood pressure like yours. Exactly what condition made you feel like coming in?”

“Ever since I woke up, I’ve been seeing and hearing things that aren’t there. I think I’m losing my mind. I’m scared.”

“Have you been taking any drugs? Smoking pot? Be honest with me, now,” she cautioned.

“No! None! Never!”

“Now, Sasha?”

“No! I’ve never taken any illegal drug or anything my doctor didn’t tell me to!” I snapped back at her. “I know that that would destroy my mind. I’m here now ’cause I’m worried about it already not working right.”

“Then you’re saying that you were hallucinating?”

“Yes.”

“You mentioned both seeing and hearing. You had both of those?”

“Uh-huh.”

“How ’bout taste, smell? Either of those?”

“I thought my Mom had changed air fresheners in the bathroom. She said it was the same as yesterday.”

“Hmm? You might have just misidentified that? Anything else? How about touch or feeling?”

“When I was waking up it felt like, well—”

“Yes?”

“It felt like Tina was in bed with me. But she wasn’t. I was afraid to even think that.”

“Tina’s your girlfriend?”

“Yes, we just started dating two weeks ago.”

“Since the wedding?”

“What wedding?”

“Have other hallucinations involved Tina?”

“Yeah. When I was in the shower I though I heard her voice, but it was my sister’s. But at breakfast I heard her say things to me.”

“Like what?”

“That we got matching French manicures together and—and—”

“And what?”

“That I dressed up beautifully as a girl.” I felt myself blushing again.

“Why? Do you crossdress?”

Now what? These are way too embarassing to tell her about. I shouldn’t have come here. And what did she mean by “since the wedding”?

“No. But in several of the hallucinations I saw myself wearing clothes like Tina’s. Matching skirts, heels, wedding rings—”

“Wedding rings?”

Wait a minute! Didn’t she already mention a wedding?

“Yes. We were both wearing matching wedding bands and engagement rings. We were holding hands. And for just a moment I would see myself dressed like her in a mirror. And these visions only lasted a second or two.”

“Have you ever dressed up like a girl, even as a prank or for Halloween?”

“No.”

“Have you ever wished to crossdress or thought about it?”

“Not really.”

“What do you mean by ‘not really’?”

“Sometimes on T-V or in a movie there’s a character in drag. Usually a comedy. Seeing that I’ve wondered, why would a guy do it?”

“Have you ever worn any item of girls’ or women’s clothing?”

“No. Well, not until we were on the school bus this morning. Tina put her pink sweater over my shoulders because she was wearing my windbreaker. But that was after I started seeing things.”

“Did you have any hallucinations that did not involve her or you dressing up like her?”

“The very first one was when I looked at the alarm clock. The display was lit with green L-E-D’s, but they’re red ones. They went back to red the next time I looked. And after my shower, I thought I saw a couple of Sonia’s dresses and a few pairs of her shoes in my closet, but they weren’t really there.”

“Has your sister ever teased you by or threatened you with crossdressing?”

“Sometimes. She even did it at breakfast today while I was having the hallucinations.”

Is Sonia getting ready to pull a fast one on me? So that’s why she’s not picking fights with me. She’s setting me up! Is Tina in on it? It would explain why they were giggling at me all morning.

And I thought that Tina really liked me. Or maybe she does and Sonia’s setting her up, too. But they were both giggling at me.

Suddenly I was in tears.

Nurse Banner was busy taking notes of what I was telling her, but immediately noticed the waterworks starting up.

“Sasha, was there anything pleasant about any of the hallucinations?”

I felt exhausted, emotionally and mentally drained. I looked up at the clock in the office. It was only nine o’clock. What could have been pleasant in all this? I can’t trust my own mind today. Did any part of this give me a warm feeling at all?

“On the bus, I heard Tina say that I was brave to be growing something for her as she held me. But I have no idea what she meant. And then she said that I was so sweet to dress up like her. At the time it seemed nice when she said those things. But now I’m not so sure.”

“Has Tina ever asked you to crossdress for her or wear something of hers other than her sweater this morning?”

“No.” I thought I had already answered that.

“Would you?”

“Would I what?”

“Wear her clothes or dress up like a girl if she asked you?”

“No.”

“You wore her sweater today.”

Touché! Nurse Banner scores. I should have seen that one coming. I’m not in top form today. No way I can hold my own in this match. I can’t even call a time-out!

“It was cold and I put my windbreaker on her. She was trying to reciprocate an act of kindness. If I had refused her, it would have been an insult. I couldn’t—I wouldn’t do that!”

Nurse Banner didn’t respond immediately. So I just sat there thinking how pretty she looked in her white dress, white hose, matching shoes, and nurse’s cap. I’m being cross-examined about crossdressing and I’ve got the hots for the examiner!

I placed my hand on my right knee and felt nylon hose. Feeling for my skirt I found my jeans again. Back to reality now—I think.

“Sasha, I’m assuming that what you’re telling me is as accurate as you can describe it. So I’m going to send you home for today and refer you to the school psychologist for further evaluation.”

“Should I go now, Nurse Banner?”

“Well first, how are you lovebirds fixed for contraception since the wedding?”

“Huh?”

“Are you and Tina doing it yet?”

“What? We’ve only been dating two weeks. We still blush making eye contact!”

“I’ve known girls to lock and load for motherhood faster than that!”

Did Nurse Banner really say that?

“One more thing, Sasha. Would you ask your mom for her pieroshki recipe? I love those when she brings them to bake sales.”

I can’t believe she asked me that. After what she just put me through, she has the chutzpah to ask for Mom’s secret recipe?

“I’ll see what I can do, but she doesn’t give that out to just anyone.”

Nurse Banner signed a slip of pink paper on a pad, tore it off and gave it to me. “Take this to the Main Office, Sasha. They’ll verify it and send you home. You must not come back to school until a qualified health care provider certifies that your presence does not put other students at significant medical risk.”

So, I left the school nurse’s office and started up the stairs to the Main Office. When I stepped onto the floor, my heels felt thrust up at an angle transferring the weight to the ball of my foot and I noticed a distinctive cadence of sound as the point of each heel hit the tile.

Looking down, I was wearing the red polo shirt, the denim miniskirt, hose, a pair of simple black pumps. Mentally I counted... eight, nine, ten... fourteen, fifteen... I took my next step and the rubber heel of my sneaker squeaked on the floor. I had maintained a hallucination for a count of fifteen. Can I do that? Should I do that?

*****************************

Entering the Main Office I was met by the grim stare of old Ms. Muldoon, the school secretary.

“You should be in class, Alexander Petroff!” she barked at me.

“I just consulted Nurse Banner and she’s ordered me home.” That was the correct way to phrase it. Ms. Muldoon was an authoritarian, so saying that the school nurse had ordered me home closed the matter. Any other way to present the issue would result in Ms. Muldoon keeping the matter open for an endless probe before the unwary student could leave. She’d been known to collect documents to verify a medical order up to four hours.

I removed the blue form that Nurse Banner had signed from a pocket of my windbreaker. I placed it down firmly on the main counter before Ms. Muldoon. Emphasizing it with my right index finger, I said, “There it is, signed by Nurse Banner. I understand that now, it needs only the principal’s countersignature. Would you present this to Doctor Martin, please?”

Again, it was necessary to speak the correct formula exactly. Ms. Muldoon was thus left with no basis to challenge my order. I was worried that I had a pink form in my pocket instead. The pink form is valid for girl students only. We boys have blue medical forms. I must have hallucinated the pink when Nurse Banner gave it to me.

Ms. Muldoon returned a moment later with the countersigned form.

“There, Alexander Petroff! I suppose you’re happy!”

“Why, of course, Mis’ Muldoon! And I thank you!” I said, prolonging eye contact just long enough that she had to avert her eyes. I had won. I took the pink form back as I quickly withdrew my French manicured nails from view.

“Please, Mister Petroff, could you fill out this Out-of-School Assignments form? Your teachers would be much obliged.” Ms. Muldoon politely presented me a white form.

“Certainly,” I answered and began listing my classes and teachers on the paper, the pen held by my unadorned fingers. A few other students were smiling while others were whispering to each other. I had learned to win these brief exchanges with Ms. Muldoon consistently. The strategy wasn’t at all difficult. But not even Dr. Martin could face her down. Once, he had even asked me how I did it.

“Thank you, Ms. Muldoon. I’ll be going now.” I glanced at my left hand, confirming the absence of any wedding rings.

“Would you like me to call a taxi for you, Mister Petroff?” she asked.

“I’d be much obliged, Ma’am, if you would.”

My sister’s friend Debbie was in the office. She nearly gasped as Ms. Muldoon dialed the number for me.

“How do you do that, Sasha?” Debbie whispered into my left ear.

I grinned at her. “Another time and place, Deb. Another time and place.”

“By the way, I like your new ear-studs,” she said smiling.

“Oh, thanks!” I replied. My hand went up to my earlobe. Nothing.

*****************************

When the taxi pulled up to our house, I gave the driver the transit voucher from the School Board and went right in.

“Mom, I’m back!”

“Why so soon?” she asked me coming out of the kitchen.

“I am not well. You asked me this morning why I didn’t look so good. I’ve been seeing and hearing things all morning—things not there!”

«Господи помилуй!» Mom cried out, making the sign of the cross.

“I went to the school nurse. She referred me to the school psychologist and said I should come home.”

“What things did you see and hear? Were they bad things?”

“Not bad things. But I’m scared because they weren’t there. I saw myself wearing a skirt and shoes like Tina’s and my nails were done like hers and Sonia’s. And then Tina and I were wearing matching wedding rings. And I heard her say to me at breakfast that I dressed up very pretty as a girl, but that was before she came in.”

“Oh, my little Sasha,” my Mom hugged me, “you are so smitten with Tina! You’re much in love my son!”

“Mama, I’m very tired. I should go back to bed.”

*****************************

I went to my room and pulled off my shoes, jeans, and shirt and dressed again in a clean set of pajamas.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I began thinking about the questions that Nurse Banner had asked me. Were my sister and her friends trying to humiliate me by putting me into their clothes? Was Tina in on it? I thought she liked me, but could she be playing me for a fool?

Then as I was curious, I opened my closet door and composed myself for whatever I might see. Nothing appeared to be in my closet that shouldn’t be there—no dresses, no skirts or frilly blouses, and no high-heeled shoes.

Relieved, I shut the closet door again and sighed deeply. Maybe now, I could lie down and avoid any further hallucinations by sleeping through them. Normally, this is how I would feel in the evening after a long, busy day. After reclining, I was asleep.