Spit and Image: 3

 

After running out of the country club, Lilly and Lori finally catch up with Paul.
He really needs someone to talk to. This was a tough installment for me to get
through. I hope it was worth it for those who are enjoying the story.

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Author's Note: If you enjoy this story, why not consider leaving me a review? ~Clara.
 
This version of Spit and Image: 3 has been updated with many corrections towards spelling and grammar.~Sephrena.
 
Image Credit: Image created through the use of ai at https://perchance.org/beautiful-people .~Sephrena.

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Chapter 3
 

They'd looked everywhere. He wasn't on the streets near the country club, or on the way home, or at the school or at The Dairy Bar. He wasn't downtown or in the park. He wasn't at McDonald's, or Burger King, or Dairy Queen... he wasn't anywhere.

They'd gone home and checked twice; he wasn't there.

Lori called the kids from school and asked for their help. They'd spread out and looked everywhere. He was nowhere to be found.

Lori was at her wits' end. Lilly was staying controlled for Lori, but she was ready to fall apart at any moment. She'd thought about calling Keith and Abby, she didn't know how Keith would react to the news that she'd dressed his younger brother up in a pretty dress and took him out in public. Keith could be very unpredictable and, when he was young, he lashed out at people before thinking. He was much better at controlling himself, now, but it was probably best to hold off calling him for now.

"Oh, my God, Mrs Rooney! Where could he be!? I'm so scared that something may have happened to him! What are we going to do?" Lori cried for the millionth time that day.

Lilly took the younger woman's hand. "We'll find him, honey, I promise. I just wish I knew what caused him to run off like that."

"I know! It seemed like he was so happy. He looked so pretty... Did I push him too hard, Mrs Rooney!? I just found him so beautiful like that. Oh, Mrs Rooney, if anything has happened to him, I'll never forgive myself."

"Now, calm down, honey, or you'll have me crying, too."

They saw some people walking their dogs, coming out of a wooded path that Paul had used as a cut-through to school before Lori started driving him. Lilly lowered her window and called out, "Excuse me. You haven't seen a young woman in a yellow dress, have you?"

The man, a distinguished man in his sixties hurried to the side of the SUV. "Small girl? Blondish hair and no shoes?"

Lori stopped crying and listened as Lilly spoke. "She had shoes when she ran off, but have you seen her!? We're so worried!"

The man explained that the young lady had come running out of the path as they entered it about a half an hour earlier. "I'm afraid I knocked her down when she ran into me. I never saw her coming. I helped her up and asked her if she was ok. She said she was and I asked her if I could help her get home. She said that she was headed to her house and that it was just a block in that direction." He pointed towards Lilly's house.

Both women let out massive, shaky breaths of relief. "Oh, thank god!!" Lilly finally allowed herself to let out her tears. "Thank you so much!"

The man waved as they pulled off towards the house.

The screen door was closed, but the interior door was wide open when they got their. Lori ran in first, followed closely by Lilly.

"Paulie! Paulie! Paulie!" They called as they looked around frantically.

They spotted the yellow dress and feminine undergarments just inside the dining room door. The dinning room was a mess - dresses on the floor and the mirror turned backwards.

"Oh my heavens," Lilly couldn't breath. Paul had been attacked. It was obvious. Someone had grabbed him, dragged him in here and done God knows what to him!"

The volume, pitch and frantic nature of her voice rose with each syllable. "Oh, no, Oh, no, Oh, no, Oh, no... Paulie! Paulie, please, Oh, God, Paulie, please, where are you!?"

Lilly, who had remained calm all day, was unhinged. She was desperate and all of her fears hit Lori like a sledge hammer!

Lori, who'd knelt to pick up the clothing, suddenly realized what Lilly was thinking. She wanted to calm her and assure her that she was wrong, but, instead, she ran like a woman possessed, up the stairs to Paul's room. The door was closed. She grabbed the knob and tried to turn it, but it was locked.

She leaned against the door and listened. She could hear him crying - deep, sobbing cries of despair.

"Oh, thank God," she whispered,.

She calmed herself and tried to sound rational. "Paulie?"

Nothing.

Just a little louder. "Paulie, baby?"

Nothing.

"Paulie, please, Oh, Paulie, baby, are you in there?"

Finally, "Go away."

"Paulie, are you ok, baby?"

"Go away!" A little louder

She heard something just inside the door. It banged on the door. She knew it was his head, she could sense it. Paul was sitting on the floor with his back against the door. The bang came again. He was banging his head against the door.

"Paulie, Love... did someone... did someone attack you downstairs?" Lilly joined her in the hallway.

"What!" Paul was barely coherent in his despair and he couldn't understand the question. The head banged again.

"We saw your dress, baby, and the dinning room and we thought..." Lori tried to explain.

"What!? Oh for crips' sake, no!! It's not MY dress! It's your little sister's goddamned dress!!" He was yelling. Neither of them had ever heard him like this before. "I'm not your damned little sister! I was supposed to be your boyfriend!!!" He was losing control completely. "I'm not a girl!!! I'm not a man!!!! I'm just this pathetic, useless, ugly little.... THING!!!!" He was crying and moaning and banging his head more forcefully on the door.

Lori and Lilly stared at each other. They had no idea, none, what to do! Call the police!? Call an ambulance!? As his wailing grew and their silence increased, Lori finally whispered, "I have to..." and she ran to the lavatory down the hall where she slammed the toilet seat up.

Lilly could hear her vomiting in huge, painful thrusts followed by cries and wails as despairing as Paul's. She felt weak and guilty and lost and responsible and frantic and confused and more things than she should ever have to feel at once. She'd hurt her son in ways she could never fix. She'd loved him so much that she wanted to share something with him that she'd never shared before and she'd destroyed him. How could she have done this? What kind of a monster was she?

She was empty.

"Paulie," it was barely a a breath, let alone a whisper. "Paulie, I... I... I, love you, honey..."

He wailed all the harder. He was saying something, but his wails and moans were so violent that she couldn't make it out. She had no more strength. None. She turned and leaned her back against the door and slowly slid to the floor where she sat as closely as she could to a child she loved more deeply than she could explain and finally, with no possible way to stop it, she sobbed as as deeply as he did.

They were all awash with sadness.

Soon, Lori joined Lilly on the floor and cried as she laid her head in the older woman's lap.

Nothing else happened - forever.

As the house grew darker and darker, the sound of the back door slamming rang through the old house.

"Rooney!!! Rooney!!! Jesus Christ!!! Rooney!!! Where are you!?!?" It was Beth.

She shouted and panicked as she ran through the house.

Lori leaned over the railing. "Beth?"

"Is Rooney up there?"

Lori nodded. "He's locked himself in his room."

Beth took the stairs three at a time and arrived at the top step, red with adrenaline. "Let me talk to him."

"We've tried." Lori's voice was weak and defeated. "He won't talk to anyone."

"Beth?" The voice from behind the door was also weak.

Lilly and Lori both turned to the door, hopefully, but there was no more sound.

Beth pulled a crumpled note from her pocket and handed it to Lori. Lilly rose and looked over her shoulder to read it as well.

"Beth.

You said that if I ever needed help, I should come to you.
I need help, now.
Everything is all messed up.
I don't know what to do.
Maybe everyone would be better off without me.
I don't know.
I think I might be leaving tonight.
Maybe forever.
I don't know.
I think you might be my only friend.
Can you help me?
I lost my phone.
I don't know where.
I'll be at my house for a few hours before I go
Please come if you can.
I need to talk to you
If I don't see you before I'm gone
Thank you for being my friend
You were nice to me
I'll always remember that
Thank you
Good bye
Your friend

Paul"

"Beth?" The quiet voice from behind the door asked again. "Will you come in here, please?"

Beth looked to the other women who nodded.

Beth went to the door and tapped gently. "Rooney? It's Beth. Can I come in?"

The door opened without a glimpse of Paul visible. Beth entered and the door closed the same way that it had opened. Then there was a quiet 'thunk' as the lock was engaged.

There was some muffled crying from behind the door, as if Paul was crying into Beth's shoulder. There were hushed sounds that seemed to be Beth's voice, but it was small and intimate. They couldn't tell what was being said from the hallway.

After straining to hear for a few minutes, Lilly whispered to Lori, "Come on. Let's have some tea and let them talk."

Paul closed and locked the door. His face was wet with tears and smudged makeup.

"Hey Rooney," Beth said, unsure of how to start. "You're, umm... you're not looking real good, pal. What's going on?"

"Beth," he was confused and exhausted. "I'm sorry that I got you involved, but yesterday, you said if I ever needed someone... did you mean that?"

"Sure, I meant it, Rooney. I'm here, aren't I? What do you need? How can I help?"

He tried to say something, but instead, his face dissolved as the tears ran freely again and he hugged Beth tightly to draw strength from her.

For her part, Beth was very scared. Scared that she'd bitten off more than she could chew. That she'd say the wrong thing. That she'd upset him more. She'd never seen anyone this upset before. It was upsetting her, too.

"Take a breath, Rooney."

He cried some more "Come on, please, try to breath, for me. You're kinda scaring me, you know."

He nodded and tried to gain control, but it wasn't happening. "What happened, Rooney? Did Lori or your mom hurt you in some way?"

He nodded.

"How?"

"They forced me into being that... thing. That perverted, ugly thing." It was an angry whisper and he spit the last 'thing' to emphasize his disgust.

"I...I don't understand, Paulie. What ugly 'thing' are you talking about?"

"You know. That sissified, little, fairy - thing. Then they dragged me out in public to show off their creation and I actually believed them. I believed that I could pass. That I was pretty. What an idiot it was. They lied to me and I believed them and now I'm humiliated.

He waved her away from the door and towards his bed. She sat with her back against the headboard while he stood and cradled his head in his hands. "Beth. Please, tell me the truth... what do you think of me?"

This didn't help. Her usual course of conversation would involve a glib, friendly insult to break the ice, but that didn't seem right, so, she chose honesty instead. "Well, Rooney, I think you're a smart guy with some real talent at singing and drawing and even acting. You're polite and, well, I guess that I think of you as a good guy."

"See, that's what a was. Just a regular, nice guy. Then they made me their plaything and now, I'm... I'm... what? I'm a laughing stock or an embarrassment to everyone around me, I guess. Why couldn't they have left me alone!?"

"Alright, Alright, Rooney. Come on. Sit on the bed. Tell me what happened"

They both sat with their backs against the head board, at first side by side, but then with Paul's head in Beth's lap, while he told he the story, leaving out Abby's name in case his mother was listening, and for several hours, she just listened.

When the lights went on in the kitchen, they revealed that both women were puffy-eyed and pale. They were still baffled by what had happened to set Paul off and now there was the mystery as to why he'd asked for Beth.

The water was heated in silence. Lori laid her head on her arms on the table and tried to think things through. None of it made sense.

Lilly busied herself with the kettle, cups and teabags and wondered about everything. Until 8:45 this morning, she would have thought of herself as a good parent. Now... this.

Did she know what was really going on in Paul's life? No

Did she know how sexually active he was? No

Did she understand anything about him? Obviously, not.

She carried the tea to the table and placed one in front of Lori who thanked her. They both examined their cups for a few minutes before Lilly asked, "Did you know he'd go to Beth for help?"

Lori shrugged her shoulders, smirked a bit and shook her head. "I didn't even think they liked each other all that much. Whenever we were together, it was always like Beth was the cat and Paulie was the mouse, you know?"

Lilly nodded. "That's how I saw it, too. Thank God he's talking to someone, but... how old is Beth, 19?"

Lori shook her head. "No. She's only 18. She skipped third grade."

Lilly sighed, "That's pretty young for this kind of responsibility. Can you text her that we're here if she needs help?"

She did.

Then, they waited.

When the sun came up, Lilly was asleep in a recliner and Lori was asleep on the couch. Beth's hand shook Lori's shoulder gently and then indicated that she should go to the kitchen. They roused Lilly along the way, too.

"How is he?" Lilly asked.

"Well, he's asleep now. I still don't know exactly what happened, but it certainly upset him. He keeps saying that 'she' called him a pervert and a freak, but I don't know who 'she' is," Beth spoke as quietly as she could. "He keeps calling himself an 'ugly thing' and says that he shouldn't be around 'decent' people."

"Is that all he's said?" Lori asked.

"No," she shook her head. "He's pretty mad at both of you."

They nodded guiltily.

"But probably not for the reason you think."

"What do you mean?" They asked in unison.

"Well, he's not mad because you dressed him up, anymore - he was at first. He's mad because he says that you showed him 'the truth' about himself. He says that he didn't know that he was - and these are his words - 'a fairy and a little girl' until you guys showed him that he was and, now, he can never be happy again, because if he ever wears a dress, again, 'she' will have him beaten."

They all considered who 'she' could be for a few moments before Lori said, "You don't suppose he imagined all this, do you? You know, like a he might have had a psychotic break or whatever."

"Well, he's certainly having some kind of mental break down, but... I just don't know." Lilly pulled out a bottle of orange juice and poured three glasses.

Beth stood and took her glass. "I'm going back up. I don't want him to wake up alone."

"I'll come, too. I want to be there when he does," Lilly rose to follow her, but Beth shook her head.

"Honestly, Mrs. Rooney, I think you're going to wait until he's ready to come to you. I'm sorry."

Lilly nodded. Of course she was right, but Paulie was her baby.

"I'll send texts when he's up and when he's hungry. I'll do whatever I can to help."

Lilly kissed her cheek and she headed for the hallway.

"Thanks, Bethy," Lori called quietly. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

And the waiting began, again.

Paul stirred around ten o'clock. "You're still here?" He mumbled as he saw Beth sitting on his floor looking at her phone.

"Where would I go, Rooney? I can't leave till I know you're going to be ok."

He nodded. "Yeah. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Remember what I keep telling you: I love you, Rooney and I'm here as long as you need me to be here."

He nodded and smiled.

"Can I ask you some questions, though?"

Another nod.

"Ok. Forget about whatever happened yesterday morning. Until then, you were getting a kick out of the dresses, right?"

He shrugged. "I guess, but I never intended to go out in public in dressed like that."

"Right. I understand, Rooney. Really, I do."

She let the silence build.

"But, you did go to The Dairy Bar in a dress and you seemed happy and you told me that you felt 'right' in a dress, right?"

"I guess... but..."

"Ok. I'm just checking my memory. I thought you liked it. I'd kinda bet that Lori and your mom did, too. That's all I'm saying."

Paul nodded and a certain light began to dawn. "I get it."

"So, can you tell me the whole story about yesterday morning?"

He nodded and told her everything.

"So, Abby did this, really? Not your mom? Not Lori?"

"Yeah, but... if they hadn't made me go...and showed me how I really SHOULD live... I didn't mean that. They did this to me, Beth. They MADE me go!"

"Did they, Rooney? Did they MAKE you go, or did you think it would be cool to try?"

Paul sighed. "I get it. You're right. I guess I owe them an apology."

"I don't know... they both adore you, you know. They're just worried about you. An apology probably isn't necessary."

He smiled. "I know. I'm such an ass."

"I love you, too, Rooney. You know, last night, I thought you were going to kill yourself and that really scared me and made me cry. You know why I cried."

He laid his head on her shoulder and smiled. "Because you'd miss me?"

She put her arm around his shoulders and gave him a shake. It had been a long, emotional and emotionally intimate night and Beth felt closer to Paul, right now, than she did to her own boyfriend. It was different, though. It was like he was her little brother. No, her little... no. She wouldn't go there unless he did.

"I truly would, you know." She smiled. "But what really made me cry is what really happened. You were so upset and so scared that you completely forgot that people love you. And we do, Rooney. We really do."

He sniffled a bit and leaned even harder into her shoulder. "I know, Beth. I'm sorry I upset you."

"Don't worry, Paulie. I'm a big girl. I can handle it."

A moment of silence passed.

"I suppose I should go apologize to them, huh?"

"In a minute. Before you do, though, you should think about Saturday. Are you still going to do it?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I think that it would make your mom, your grandma and Lori very happy, but if it makes you unhappy, Paulie... you shouldn't."

"What about Abby and Keith?"

"Frankly, Rooney, I don't think you should give a thought to what Abby thinks and I never met Keith, but he's your brother, right? He'll understand, right?"

"I doubt it. He's a guy's guy. Football in high school and college. Football on tv every weekend. Lots of beer and lots of poker. Honestly, if she tells him, or if he ever finds out... I think he'll kick my ass."

She laid her head on his. "You really did like it though, right?"

He nodded. "I did. I loved it."

They both thought about things.

"Then, I think you should do it again. If you don't, then Abby wins. What do you think?"

"I see that," he shrugged, "but if Keith gets mad, then mom will be upset and I'll be in traction, so..."

She snickered. "It's your call, Paulie, but we'll all love you, no matter what you do."

He sat up and gave her a chaste kiss on her cheek. "You know what?"

"What?"

"I like it better when you call me 'Rooney."

They smiled and giggled.

"Get dressed, Rooney. Let's go downstairs and let them know you're ok."

Suddenly, there was an uproar from downstairs.

"What's that?" Paul asked, concerned.

"I'll check." Beth got up and opened the door as the commotion moved up the stairs.

The hours had dragged and dragged. Occasionally, Beth would send a text giving an update, 'no tears for the last hour,' 'can he have some tea and toast?' but Lilly and Lori were relegated to the kitchen while Beth and Paul spoke and healed.

When it came time for dinner, Lilly thought that Paul might like some pancakes and bacon - his favorite 'breakfast for dinner' meal. As she was mixing the batter, she saw a car pull into the driveway.

"Oh, damnit, this is not the right time for a visit," she muttered.

Lori jumped up to look out the window.

The man who stood and pulled his large frame out of the car and headed towards the door was Keith, Paul's brother. A confirmed workaholic, Lori had only met Kieth on two occasions, Thanksgiving and Christmas. He was as big, handsome and masculine as Paul was small, cute and feminine.

His body language was stiff and quick, he entered the house with a purpose.

"Hi, mom, Lori, I only have a few minutes. Where's Paul?"

Lilly was shocked. Kieth had never, ever asked to speak to Paul, before. "Well, Kieth, to tell you the truth, Paulie is not having a great day, today."

"Yeah, I imagine. I saw the picture. Where is he? In his room?"

He immediately headed towards the stairs. "Paul!? Paul, are you up there?!" He called as he walked with determination.

"Keith!" Lilly called after him, "Keith! What picture? Keith! Don't go up there right now! Keith!"

But he was not listening.

"Hey!" Lori yelled. "Didn't you hear her. Don't go up there." She tried to grab his arm, but he shook her off, nearly unnoticed.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he was met by a girl he'd never met before.

"He doesn't want to see you," she stated flatly.

"Well, I want to see him," Keith pushed right past her and entered Paul's bedroom just in time to see Paul ducking into the lavatory off of his room.

Keith closed the door behind him and locked it, then went to the lavatory door and tried the handle. It was locked.

Keith spoke to the door, "Come on, Paul, open the door. I want to talk to you."

"Please," a frightened voice from inside the lavatory called back out, "don't hurt me. I promise, I'll never do it again! I swear! Please!"

There was some banging and shouting at the bedroom door, but Keith ignored it.

"Paul... come on... I want to talk to you and I don't have much time." He checked his Apple Watch. "Come on, Paul. Let's talk. Just you and me. Right now. Brother to brother. Come on."

No reply.

He grabbed the door handle and shook it, considering how easy it'd be to knock down the hollow-core door. He grunted in frustration. "PAUL!" He yelled. "I want this door open and I want it open, NOW!"

"Leave me alone! Please! I'm sorry! I promise... I'll be good! I'll be like you! I'll be a tough guy! I'm sorry! Tell Abby I'm sorry! I won't do it again! I swear to God! Please, Keith! Please, don't hurt me!!!"

Keith stopped and rubbed his forehead ferociously, then ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Finally he breathed out an angry breath to gain control of himself, then he grabbed the chair from Paul's desk and pulled it over to the lavatory door and sat. He put his elbows on his knees, then bent forward and ran his fingers through his hair, again, pulling several strands out with the force of his stroke.

"Paul..." he was a very busy man and he didn't really have time for all this emotional stuff, but he needed to take care of this - right here/right now.

He started, again, more softly. "Paul... I am not going to pretend that I know what is going on with you and I don't care. I'm your brother, Paul, and I want you to know how I feel about it. You don't have to listen, but I have to say it. Deal?"

No reply.

"Ok... well, you see, Paul... I wasn't brought up like you. Dad was still around and, because I was big and tough, I guess, he really pushed me to be as tough as I could. When he died... well, I guess I just sort of shut you and mom out. I mean... oh Christ... I didn't mean to, Paul. It just... you know... it just all hurt too much and I was just a kid..."

He hated this. Searching for the right words. He hated it all.

"I know that's no excuse and believe, Paul, I know that I've been about as shitty a brother as anyone could be, but... well... I guess there is no 'but.' I just wasn't here for you and mom. I know that. I always knew that and I've always been ashamed of that. But... what can you do? I don't know why I did it, I just did and I'm... well... I'm sorry, I guess. Yeah... I'm sorry, Paul. For everything. For every time that you needed a brother and I wasn't there. I'm sorry."

The knocking at the bedroom door had stopped, but Keith hadn't really been paying attention to it, anyway. He continued on at his own pace.

"Paul..." Geez, did he really have to say this!? "I hope you'll forgive me."

Slowly, the door to the lavatory opened. Paul stood there with his arms folded and his head down. He didn't say a word. He had on a pair of old gym trunks and a dirty tee shirt with the name of a local pizza place written on it.

"Look, Paul... I'm not used to this stuff, ok, but... damnit, Paul, why didn't you tell me you wanted to become a girl. I could have been more prepared."

"I don't," Paul whispered.

"You don't, what?"

"I don't want to become a girl. I want to be a guy, but..."

"But, what, Paul. Can you help me to get my head around this?"

Paul shook his head. "No. How can I help you get your head around it when I can't get my head own around it? I just want to be me, but I don't know who I am or how I should be or look or dress."

Keith nodded, but it made no sense to him. He was who he was. A guy. Guys wore pants and shirts and suits and ties. He'd never once questioned that.

"I saw the picture, Paul."

Paul nodded. It seemed like Keith wanted him to say something, but there was nothing to say. Eventually, Paul whispered, "And?"

"And... at first I was shocked. I don't know how I would have reacted if I saw you out in public like that without knowing that you'd been dressing at home.

Paul's eyes raised to meet his brother's, but he just waited for Keith to speak.

"My first reaction was to call mom and give her an ear full, but Then Abby told me that she'd seen you there with mom, so I knew that she knew. And then she told me about the dresses for the wedding and grandma... well... suffice it to say that I know mom well enough to know that this all sounds just like her."

Paul smiled, just a little, but it didn't last.

"So... What? You got caught up in it and you like it?"

Paul shook his head. "It's more than that, Keith. It's like I was no one before, then I put on a dress and I'm... right. I don't really know. I spent the last thirty hours trying to figure this out. When Abby threatened me, I felt like I was a freak. Like I was less than human. It's a pretty bad feeling. I stood on the Water St bridge for almost an hour trying to get up the courage to jump in and kill myself. Mom and Lori kind of pushed me in this direction, so I couldn't talk to them. I was so alone that I wanted to die. Finally, I decided to just run away."

"Why didn't you call me, Paul?"

Paul raised his eyes and smirked at his brother. "Seriously? Like you said, you were never around much and, besides, your fiancé had just threatened to have you beat me to death because of the dresses."

Keith nodded.

"I asked Beth for help and she's been helping me sort everything out since last night."

"Who's Beth?"

"The girl who tried to keep you from coming in here."

"Oh. And?"

"And... I still have a lot of sorting to do. I don't know who I am or what I want right now, Keith. Abby scared me into thinking I was trash. It's not a good feeling. I still feel like maybe she's right. I don't know what I'm going to do."

Several moments passed while Keith thought about that. "I'm sorry about that."

"About what? Abby?"

He nodded, sadly. "Just so you know, I sent her back to her parents for a few days."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Right now, the wedding is on hold. We're going to get together Friday night when we've both had time to cool off and we'll figure things out then."

Paul felt terrible. "I'm so sorry, Keith. I didn't mean for any of this to happen..."

"Paul," Keith interrupted, "you have nothing to apologize for. Whatever you do is your business and if you present as a girl, that's nobody's business but yours. Abby had no right to make you feel anything less than wonderful, because you are, Paul. I've spent a good chunk of my life thinking about how lucky mom and dad got when you were born. I'm just a big, lunky guy, Paul. I was drinking and smoking pot behind mom's back at dad's funeral, for crying out loud. I do know who I am, Paul, and I wish that I was a better person. More like you."

"Keith... you do not have to say those things. I don't need you to tear yourself down to make me feel better. Knowing that you hate yourself will never make me happy."

The brothers looked at each other, both thinking, 'Where do we go from here?'

Finally, Paul said, "I'm glad we're talking, Keith. I wish we'd done this before."

Keith nodded, then smiled, "Yeah, but I started this whole conversation by saying that I'm a shitty brother."

He stood, standing chest, head and shoulders above his brother. "Come here. I think we need to do something we've never done before."

Paul did not move, but looked warily at Keith. "What?"

"Hug each other."

Paul smiled.

The bigger brother wrapped his arms around the smaller in a big, bear hug. It was nearly painful for Paul, but very needed and very glorious in its own way. It lasted longer and felt more healing than either had expected and when it ended, Keith leaned down and hugged him again, ending that hug with a gentle kiss to Paul's cheek.

"If I were to ever, hypothetically, dress like a girl again, how would that impact you?"

Keith smiled. "It wouldn't impact me at all, Paul."

"Not even with Abby? I feel weird about that already. I don't want to be responsible for breaking you guys up."

He looked more melancholy, now. "Whatever happens between me and Abby is because of me and Abby - not you. This whole thing did bring out a side of her that I didn't know about, but that's probably a good thing, right? We'll get together Friday and talk things through and then, either we'll get married, or we won't. Either way, I'm still going to be your big brother."

Paul smiled.

"And not only that," Keith smiled, "I'm going to start acting like one."

Paul hugged him once again, marveling at how big his brother felt. "Thanks Keith. I love you."

"Whoa! The 'L' word right off the bat. I think you really must be a girl."

Paul smiled. "Alright. Haha." He pulled himself out of the hug. "I think I need a shower right now. I've had a rough day and a half and I smell bad."

"Ok, buddy. I'm going back to work. I'll call you later to check up on you. Let me know if you need anything."

He opened the bedroom door to find three baffled women waiting for an explanation. Instead, he kissed his mother's cheek and said, "Gotta run, mom. Talk to you soon," and he jogged down the stairs.

She looked into the room and saw her youngest child looking messy and exhausted, but not too much the worse for wear. She ran to him and embraced him tightly. "Oh, Paulie, Paulie, Paulie... I'm so sorry honey. I'll never ask you to put a dress on ever again." She kissed his cheek and looked him in the eye. "Never again."

"Mommy..."

Lori interrupted, "Me neither, Paulie. I'm so, so sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you." She kissed him fully and deeply on his lips. "I was so afraid that you were going to hurt yourself, Paulie. I was so scared..."

"I'm sorry, Lori, I didn't mean to upset everyone. I was just... well... it's a very long story, but there's the happy ending." He pointed to the doorway where Beth stood.

He left his mother and girlfriend and went to Beth and gave her a big hug. "Thank you, Beth. Honest, I might not be here if it weren't for you."

She hugged him back and both of their faces were buried in her hair. When their hug ended, both their faces were covered in tears.

"I mean it, Beth." Paul was as sincere as he could be. "You saved me. Thank you."

Beth nodded, afraid to cry too much for fear that she'd never be able to stop. She'd had the roughest night of her life, too, and she had a lot to process, but not here and not now. Instead, she reverted to typical 'Beth behavior' and wiped the tears from her eyes saying, "Geez, Rooney. You went and made it all weird."

They all laughed, but Paul hugged her once more, kissed her cheek and said, "I love you, Beth. Thank you."

"So, do you want to tell us what happened?" Lilly asked.

"Not really. At least not right now. I really need a shower and you two," he indicted Lori and Lilly, "have things to do."

"Such as?" Lilly asked.

"Mommy, it's nearly 5:30 and Athena's closes at 6:00. I bet that Stacy was disappointed that you didn't show up yesterday. You'd better get going if you want to get there before they close."

"Oh, Paulie, no." Lilly shook her head. "That's all over and done with."

"Mommy, I have gone through hell because of this. I am going to do the picture on Saturday. If I don't, then I let that obnoxious bitch win, right, Beth?"

"You know it, Rooney."

"Wait. Who? What bitch?" Lilly was trying to figure all of this out.

"I'll explain later, but I need to hurry if we're going to make it to Allison's by 6:30 for my body perm."

Lilly was truly dumbfounded. Eventually she muttered, "Paulie... honey... are you sure? Really sure?"

"I am, mommy. Not only do I want to do this for you and grandma, I need to do it for me. I'm sorry I blamed you guys when things went wrong. Beth is right. I could have said 'no' anytime I wanted to. I wanted to dress yesterday morning and I REALLY want to wear grandma's dress on Saturday - more than I can explain."

"Well," Lilly hugged Beth, " It seems we underestimated you, dear."

"It happens," Beth joked, still weeping a little bit.

"Ok, then," Lilly started down the stairs, "I'll be back as soon as possible."

"We'll meet you at Allison's, mommy. Ok?"

"Ok," Lilly was shocked by this chipper personality. "I'll see you there."

"What do you want me to do, Paulie?" Lori hugged him and kissed his forehead.

Paul smiled. Last night, he wasn't sure he'd ever feel the safety of her strong arms again. Thank God she was holding him. "I need you go home."

She was taken aback and held Paul at arm's length. "Go home?"

He nodded, "and look through Samantha's closet. Find me the cutest, girliest dress you can. If I'm going out, I'm going all the way."

Lori looked at Beth, "You want to come with?"

"Might as well," Beth smirked. "I need some time away from Rooney."

Paul smiled and gave her another kiss on the cheek. "You love me and you know it?"

"Yeah," she teased. "What makes you think so?"

Paul walked towards his mother's bedroom to use her walk-in shower, but called over his shoulder. "You told me so last night. You said it at least a hundred times and you know what?"

"What?"

"I could hear it a million times more and never get tired of it." He stopped and turned. "I mean it, Beth. You saved me. Thank you. I love you, too."

She smiled and choked back another threat of tears. Tonight, in bed, she'd let it all out, but right now, she'd hold it in. "You're making it even weirder, Rooney. Knock it off. I mean it."

He turned into his mother's room, but turned one last time and said, "Go with Lori and get me something cute. When you get back, I'll smell like strawberries and flowers, instead of despair, like I do, now." His smile disappeared. "I don't like this smell. I'm never going to wear it, again."

At 6:30pm, on the dot, three very cute young women walked into Allison's salon. The two taller ones were wearing jeans, sandals and tank tops, while the smaller, who looked a bit younger, was wearing a charming, summer dress - navy blue underdress with a light, sheer navy blue outer dress with bright white flowers and stems about it. It has narrow shoulder straps, a pretty, tight bodice with triangular cups, a high waist and a wide, flouncy skirt that ended at mid-thigh. Her thin, smooth legs looked more youthful and less shapely than her companions' but the promise of womanhood was evident. Her limbs all ended in meticulously manicured nails and her pretty, little, navy blue sandals framed her bright red toenails perfectly - and her toenails matched her luscious red lips.

Lilly, still looking a bit disheveled from the endless hours of drama she'd gone through, stared at her son in disbelief. What had all of the last thirty-six hours been about?

"Paulie!?" she muttered. Then a bit louder, "Paulie, what's going on? I mean, a few hours ago, you said that you'd never dress like this again. Now... you're beautiful again. What happened yesterday that upset you so much?"

Paul hugged her a bit. He really didn't want to tell his mother that her future daughter in law had threatened him, so, instead, he said, "Mommy... someone made me feel as If I was a trashy freak. She made me feel so bad about myself that I was, seriously, considering running away or, well, much worse, but after talking to Beth and Keith, I realized that whatever I choose, my mother, my girlfriend, my best friend and my big brother will always love me."

Lilly smiled. She wanted to know more and she figured that eventually she would, but this was ok for right now. He seemed fine, but she wanted to be cautious. "And you're sure you want to do this?"

"Mommy, I am sure that I want to wear grandma's dress and take those pictures on Saturday and I want to be just as beautiful as she was. Whatever that takes, that's what I want to do. Beyond Saturday? I don't know. Maybe I'll never wear a dress again and maybe I will, who knows? Right now, all I want is to make Saturday perfect. Ok?"

"Ok," she kissed him, then said to Allison, "I guess he's all set, then, Ali."

"Excellent!" Allison grinned and came over to join them. "My, oh, my, Paulie, you have become quite the little lady since you were here on Sunday." She fussed with Paul's hair for a moment, then adjusted his dress a bit and her eyes narrowed. "That is a lovely dress, Lori. I really like it."

"Thank you," Lori beamed.

"As a matter of fact, I think that, the first time I saw it, I liked it so much that I bought it and gave it to Meredith for her birthday, last year."

Lori looked slightly sheepish. "Oops. You did. Merrie has actually outgrown it, but hasn't passed it to Sammie, yet, so I figured no one would notice if I borrowed it for Paulie. Sorry."

Ali smiled, " Oh, that's ok. Merrie never looked this cute in it. You're lucky that you're so small, Paulie. You'll get a lot of hand-me-downs if you stay in dresses. By the way, are you?"

"Am I What?" Paul asked.

"Staying in dresses?"

"I haven't decided, yet. Why?"

"Well, I've been looking at your grandmother's hair in the picture and, well, take a look."

She held up the photo so that everyone could see. "She had these little, wispy bangs, see them? Well, if I cut those for you, then you will have a hard time hiding them. They won't be thick and stylish like Katy Perry's were, they'll be like these; just a few, but they'll definitely be noticeable. They only way to hold them back till they grow out will be to wear a headband close to your hairline and that will be just as girlish and much more noticeable than the bangs themselves. If you want this new picture to match the old one, I need to do the bangs, but... it's your call, Paul. What do you think?"

He shrugged, "In for a penny, I guess."

"But, Paulie," Lori pointed out, "you realize you'll have to school with the body perm AND bangs. After what you went through last night, can you handle that?"

He looked at Beth. "What do you think?"

"Your call, Rooney. I'm with you, no matter what."

"Mommy? Lori? Are you with me?"

"I am, honey," Lilly smiled.

"Always, baby," Lori kissed his check.

"Let's do it, then!"

It took about an hour for Allison to wash his hair, roll it in different sized rollers, then partially unroll each to treat it with perm solution, before re-rolling it and wrapping it all in cling-wrap and letting it all set-up. She took advantage of the set-up time to clean up his eyebrows just a bit more.

While he was waiting to be unwrapped, Paul's phone dinged. He checked it to find a text from Keith. 'Hey, Bud. How's it going?'

He replied, 'Going great. Getting ready for Saturday's photo shoot.'

Keith's response surprised him. 'Cool. I want to see it. What time?'

'1:00'

'Got it. See you then.'

Finally, Allison removed the wrapping, then she spread a neutralizing agent over the curlers, followed by a quick rinse in the sink.

Then, Paul had a tutorial on using a 'volumizing' hair dryer attachment so that he could maintain the curls.

"It would probably be best if you used a hair net tonight so you don't damage the curls too much while you sleep," Allison said, "and it goes without saying that you shouldn't wear a hair tie before Saturday, or you could upset the curls with that, too."

"Uh oh," Lori said. Is that going to be a problem for school, tomorrow?"

"I don't think so," Paul smiled, looking at the pretty body his hair had, now. "I think I'm wearing it down all the time."

"Really?" Lilly's eye brows rose on her head. Just yesterday morning he didn't have the courage to wear a fancy bun to school. Where did this courage come from? He seemed very determined. "So, are you just wearing the hair, or other... things... like, makeup and heels and dresses...?"

"Just the hair, for now. I really like it, Allison. It looks so full, now."

She thanked him.

"You said, 'for now,' Paulie," Lilly said. "Are you planning on adding the other things later?"

Paul's smile in the mirror was very coy. "I really don't know, yet, mommy. I'm definitely being a girl at home - and only at home or with friends - until Saturday. After that, I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm thinking about it. Who knows, maybe I'll go to school as a big, tough guy on Mondays and Wednesday, the be a pretty little girl on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Then I'll alternate Fridays."

Everyone laughed, but Lilly was encouraged. He just seemed so much more natural as a girl. She just knew that he'd be happier that way. She kind of always felt that way, but now she knew it. Whatever happened at the country club had destroyed Polly, but whatever happened between Paulie and Beth and Paulie and Keith seems to have resurrected her from the ashes and brought an easier going, less self-conscious Polly back to her. This Polly enjoyed being a girl too much to not continue doing so.

It was already getting late when they left Allison's salon and everyone was exhausted from the previous, emotional day, but Lori asked Paul for just a little time together before they called it a night. Lilly said it would be ok as long as Paul was home by 10:30.

They drove to a side road by a river and got out of the car to look at the moon reflecting in the river waters. They sat on the bank, Paul cuddling close to Lori to stay warm on this cool, late spring evening.

"Do you want to talk about what happened at breakfast yesterday, Paulie?"

He smiled and shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I think I'm done with it, now. I just wish I hadn't been such a bitch to you. I'm sorry."

Lori laughed at his choice of words.

They cuddled in silence for a while longer until Lori's hand drifted to Paul's silky thigh. She caressed him and started kissing his neck, making him purr with pleasure. Instead of relaxing and letting Lori bring him to ecstasy, he shifted and moved to his knees, smiling as he kissed her. She prodded his mouth with her tongue, but pulled away when she felt Paul unbuttoning her button-fly jeans.

Her hand grabbed his, "Paulie, we've talked about this..."

Paul smiled. "I'll stop if you want, but I promise it will just be my tongue. I know this is going to sound weird, but I feel too much like a girl to think about my thingy, right now. I just want to please you, if you'll let me."

Lori smiled at the thought of her pretty, little guy servicing her. It gave her shivers. "Ok."

She stood and looked around to be sure they were alone.

Paul knelt taller, resting his rear on the back of his legs. He undid the five buttons and slid the jeans down past her knees, leaving her in a blue, cotton thong that had a small triangle of fabric separating her treasures from Paul.

He kissed all around the area, both skin and fabric, until, finally, he gripped the waist band with his teeth and pulled the front of the thong down far enough to expose a neatly sculpted band of pubic hair that seemed to act as a corridor that led to her vagina.

Lori was shaking with excitement. He was kneeling before her - kneeling - of his own free will! Not only that, he looked nothing like the boy she'd started dating in October. From the way that his full, wavy, light reddish-blonde hair fell to his exposed shoulders, to his cherry red lips and perfectly painted eyes, to the way that his blue, flowered dress spread over his thighs, he was a girl. A girl, on her knees, kissing her little patch of pubic hair.

"That's my good, good girl," she whispered and patted his hair. She could feel the little earrings in his lobes when she ran her fingers through his hair. She could smell the perfume of the hair products. The beauty of her girl in the moonlight was overwhelming and she felt herself spreading her legs to allow access.

Paul pulled the thong down and moved closer. He had to lean his head back slightly to work his tongue into her opening and by doing so, he looked up past Lori's breasts to see her towering above him with a far away look in her eyes and a smile on her face.

Their eyes locked for a few moments.

From her vantage point, Lori saw Paul's smiling eyes, with their long, feminine lashes and mascara and brilliant, blue color that was so perfectly complemented by his dress looking up at her in complete submission. No matter how he decided to present himself, from here on out he would always be her little girl.

Suddenly, Lori's head rolled back and she began to convulse against Paul's face and tongue. She groaned and held back the howls she wanted to let out. Her orgasm encompassed her whole being in a way that nothing ever had before and she wanted it to last forever. Her grip on Paul's head intensified as she tried to pull every bit of him inside of her. She wanted that so badly. She needed it. She tried harder and harder to pull him in until, finally her strength gave way and her wits returned to her and she knew that it had to end. Slowly, she relaxed her grip and struggled to maintain her balance as she steeped back from Paul, who gently returned the thong to its rightful place, kissed it once more, then raised her jeans back up and fastened the buttons again, smiling up at her the whole time.

By the time he'd risen to his feet, she'd regained control of her breathing and was ready to hug him tightly.

He cuddled under her arm as they walked back to her car.

It was a good day to be alive.
 
 
To Be Continued...