Donnie consider the importance of motherhood
Author's Note: Please leave me a review? ~Clara.
This version of Hawaiian Retreat: 10 has been updated with many corrections towards spelling and grammar.~Sephrena.
Image Credit: Image created through the use of ai at https://perchance.org/beautiful-people .~Sephrena.
Chapter 10
"Ok," I agreed and handed the pictures back to Mitch, but I held back the final one. The one of her looking so happy in her school uniform. "Have you met her?"
Mitch nodded. "I've known her her whole life. Her father and I played golf together."
I shook my head. "The poor baby. What's her name."
Mitch put his briefcase down on the floor and turned to kiss me goodnight. "Good night, babe. I love you."
What the hell!? I knew that he'd heard me. "I love you, too, Mitch, but...?"
"What?" He asked.
"What is the little girl's name?" I asked.
He slumped again, then looked at me. It took at least five seconds for him to speak... "Marie."
"MITCH!"
I heard him grunt. "Donnie, it's just a coincidence. There are millions of girls named 'Marie.' Now, please... let's just go to sleep. We can discuss this in the morning. Remember - we're going to have a calm, levelheaded discussion."
"Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, no," I was suddenly very excited. "Mitch, this is fate. Look, my mother played this gawdawful joke on Rie and me when we were born, naming us Donnie and Marie. Now, this little girl's name is Marie! There's a reason for that!"
He rolled onto his back. "Donnie, please. Hundreds of girls are named Marie every day."
"Yeah." I couldn't have stopped if I'd wanted to. "but you knew this one's father. He is killed, his uncle takes the little girl in and then he dies last August."
"And?" Mitch was getting a little miffed.
"Then her great grandmother suddenly gets sick, when? In October. That's exactly the same time that I went to the Halloween party with you! That's when everyone started assuming you and I were a couple. Then, out of the blue, you ask me to Hawaii, I end up living as a woman, we get married and Evelyn asks you to take the child because she knows you are starting a family. I'm telling you, Mitch, this is why God put me on this earth. This is why he made me so small. This is why he made us fall in love. Mitch... this is why we're here. We're here to give that little girl a good life."
Mitch sat up and held his head in his hands. "Donnie... stop. I knew you'd lose it when you heard her name. It's not fate, Donnie, it's not kismet, it's just a very common name. Now, please, please, I am begging you, let's go to sleep. We will figure all of this out in the morning. Please. I really need to get some sleep."
I couldn't believe he didn't see it. I let my arms drop to my side in shock. "But Mitch..."
Mitch took the picture, from me, leaned over and put it into his briefcase, talking all the while, "No, Donnie, not until the morning. I can't take it. If you can't calm down, then I will go sleep in one of the other bedroom."
I shook my head and flopped down onto my side, my back to Mitch.
"Thank you," Mitch huffed. Then, in a more contrite tone, he said, "I love you."
I refused to look at him. "I love you, too," I muttered, unconvincingly.
"We'll talk in the morning." He tried to sooth me.
"Good night, Mitch," I muttered and then just laid there, in exactly that position, until the sun came up the next morning.
At five forty five on Sunday morning, I got out of bed, showered, dried my hair, did my makeup, picked out a cute dress and went down to the kitchen where I prepared Mitch a western omelete, oatmeal bread toast, bacon and fresh squeezed orange juice. When I'd poured some coffee into a carafe, I loaded everything I needed onto a tray and headed upstairs. It was almost seven by the time I sat down on my side of the bed and said, in a soft, sweet voice, "Mitch. Mitch, honey. I made you breakfast. Mitch."
It took a few moments, but he did wake up. He rolled towards me, groggy and confused. "Huh? What? What time is it? What's this?"
"I made you breakfast," I smiled. "Come on. Sit up and I'll put it on your lap."
He was blinking and still confused, but he sat up and pushed himself back up against the headboard. "You made me breakfast? Why?"
"Because it was a nice thing to do and I am a nice person," I teased as I walked around to his side of the bed and put the tray on his lap. "There you go. A western omelet with all the accompanying sides, just for my husband."
He looked around the room, finally appearing to be fully conscious. "Oh, well, thanks, Donnie... Umm... what time is it?"
"Umm..." I checked the clock on his nightstand. "Seven-oh-three."
His head snapped towards me. "Seven-oh.... On a Sunday morning!? What's going on?"
"It's not that early, Mitch. I've known you to get up at five on a Sunday to go golfing." I acted shocked that he would have the gall to question me. You know, I'll tell you one thing I learned from growing up with Rie and then living with Nancy, the most confusing thing a woman can do to a man is to act just a little unbalanced, then behave as if the man has absolutely no reason to question that behavior. It always threw me off balance and it kind of appeared to be working on Mitch, too.
"But I'm not going golfing. There's still snow on the ground... Why did you wake me so early? We were still talking at one thirty this morning." Mitch opened the carafe and poured himself some coffee.
I picked up his briefcase and put it on the foot of the bed, opened the latches and found the picture of the little girl in her school uniform and I pulled it out and held it up for Mitch to look at.
I heard him grunt, "Oh, Geez."
I stood my ground, though. "You said we'd talk tomorrow. Well, it's tomorrow, now, and I want to talk about this little girl. Mitch... what possible reason can you have for not taking her in?"
He cut into his omelet. "May I enjoy this wonderful breakfast before we talk?" He stuffed a piece in his mouth.
"You go ahead and enjoy your breakfast, dear," I said, as sweetly as I could. "I'll just talk, then."
Mitch used a rolling motion with his right hand to indicate that I should carry on.
"Ok, all that stuff I said about fate last night. I know you don't believe any of it, but it do and I'm standing by it. All of that aside, though, I love you, you love me, we want to adopt a child, she needs a home, why is this such a big issue?"
Mitch took another bite of his omelet and once again indicated that I should continue.
"I propose that we have a family meeting later this morning. You, me, Mom, Dad, Hilda and Marie. We sit down and we discuss this and see if they'd be willing to help us if we need help."
Mitch nodded and made that annoying rolling motion with his hand, again.
I huffed and continued. "Even though her family has lots of money, that little girl needs more than that. She needs love and a stable home. We can give her that."
Finally Mitch responded. "Can we?"
I was actually surprised by Mitch's response. "Can we, what?"
"Can we provide a stable home for Marie?"
I blinked in confusion. "Of course we can. Why would you even ask that?"
Mitch wiped his lips on a paper napkin, put his tray to the side, put his legs to the side and stood. He walked to a window, pulled the blinds opened and looked out at the sunny, late winter morning. "You know I love you, right?"
"Yeah."
"And I'd never, ever want to hurt you."
"Yeah."
He turned and looked at me, nodded sadly and looked out the window. "Donnie... I've struggled for thirty one years to figure out who I am and I only figured that out about a month ago. You weren't even you a month ago. We've only been 'us' for fifteen days. How can we be sure that we can provide a stable home for a child when I've never been THIS me, you've never been THIS you and we've never been THIS us before? I'm pretty sure I could handle Marie, and I'm pretty sure that you can handle Marie, but can WE handle everything that being Marie's guardians, or parents would entail?"
I digested that for a moment. "So... if we weren't together, you would have just taken her in?"
He sighed and hemmed and hawed. "I think I might have, but..." He looked at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. "...I have you, now, Donny, and I am scared to death of losing you."
"Mitch..." I couldn't believe he was thinking this way. "Mitch... honey... I love you and nothing will ever change that. All that bringing her into our lives will do is give us even more to love."
Mitch shook his head. "Donnie... before we make a decision, let's sit down and do an actual analysis of all the pros and cons and, I think your idea of having a family meeting is good, too. So, let me shower and we'll talk down stairs, ok?"
I stepped towards him, wanting to hug him, but I stopped and I'm really not sure why. I'd never seen him looking so sad and I wanted to console him, but some of the things he'd just said scared me to death. So, I just stood frozen and stared at him until he finally closed the distance between us and put his arms around me, hugging me tightly. Then, I don't know why, I hadn't started taking any hormones or anything like that, but I just broke down into uncontrollable tears and I couldn't stop. He squeezed even tighter and I cried even harder. I just could not stop.
Finally, five, six, seven minutes later I gained control again. I looked up into those amazing eyes I'd fallen in love with and I said, "I'm sorry."
He gave me a sad smile. "Me too. I don't think that there's any way that we're going to get through this without some pain, babe, and I never wanted that for you. I just want to do the right thing... for everyone."
I nodded. "Take your shower. I'll call Mom and Rie and ask them to come to lunch, ok?"
"Ok," he said. Then he released me and head into the bathroom.
I called Mom and Marie and, in both cases, they were leery about my cryptic invitation. Both wanted to know if something was wrong and if Mitch and I were in trouble due to the previous night's confessions. I assured them that we were not in any trouble and that this was a completely different matter, but they both had a hard time believing that.
Mitch had a pad of those great big post-it note type things that they use at meetings, stored in the garage, so he went and got one of those and we started with a 'Pro' sheet and a 'Con' sheet stuck to the wall of the living room. Twenty minutes later, we had seven 'Pro' sheets along the east wall and still only one 'Con' sheet on the west. Each of the 'Pro' sheets was jam packed with reasons that Little Marie would benefit from living with us and reasons that we could benefit from having a little girl to love.
The 'Con' sheet just had these:
- We've only just gotten married
- Additional cost (Mitch insisted that if we took her in, her money
would remain in trust until she was an adult) - We don't know anything about raising little girls. We were both little
boys, after all. - She may need a lot of therapy (which I found a bit offensive,
considering I'd just started therapy) - What if we make a mistake?
Mitch looked around the room at the large sheets of paper. "I admit, there's more reasons to take her in than not, but, Donnie, we can't do this alone. We need my folks and the girls to help us. If they say, 'no,' then we can't do it."
I nodded. "They'll say 'yes,' Mitch. I know they will."
Lunch time came, and for the second day in a row, we ate in the formal dining room, although we had Chinese take out on that Sunday.
"So," Mom said as she put some pork lo mien on to her plate, "what is it that you wanted to discuss with all of us?"
"You told your mother that things went well last night, Mitchell," Dad added. "We hope that nothing has changed."
"No, Dad. Nothing has changed regarding work. They were very supportive." Mitch smiled.
"Are you considering some radical surgery," Hilda asked me.
"Radical surg..." I was confused by the question for a second, but then I realized what she meant. "oh, no, no. I'm having my breasts done in three weeks, but that's all."
Mitch looked at me from the other end of the table and took a deep breath. "Ok," he took another breath, "we want your advice on something. Well... maybe advice is too strong a term. Your opinion, I guess."
"Oh," Dad said, a bit surprised that it had de-escalated so quickly from a possibly career ending scenario to just asking advice. "Is it an investment or something, son? Are you looking for some money?"
Mitch smiled and shook his head. "No, Dad, it's... it's a little bigger than that. See..." he went on to explain the situation in rather broad strokes. When he was done, Marie was the first to speak.
"So... if I understand this correctly, you guys are considering taking in a child who has been been through three traumatic deaths and is about to face a fourth?"
Mitch blinked and looked at me. I answered. "Yes. Rie... how can we not?"
Mom spoke next, "Donnie... Mitchell... I understand your desire to help this child, but... I have some concerns, to tell you the truth."
When no one said anything, Mitch finally asked, "Would you like to share those concerns, mom? We want to know what you think. All of you."
"Well..." Mom looked a little trapped. Like she needed to be honest, but didn't want to say something that would make her appear heartless. "Mitch... you've just made partner. That's going to eat up a lot of your time and Donnie... you've only just started... everything. Are you truly prepared for something like this? Something this big?"
"I am," I said. "I truly believe that Mitch and I can help this girl."
Dad cleared his throat, thoughtfully. "Mitchell? It's a big step. What do you think?"
Mitch looked at me and thought for a moment. "To tell you the truth, Dad, until about an hour ago, I had my doubts, but... well... my wife is pretty convincing. I'm sure that we can do it."
Mitch's answer surprised me. We were on the same side! When did that happen?
Everyone was quiet for a long moment. I finally looked at my sister. "Rie? What do you think?"
She folded her arms and thought for a moment. "I don't know, Donnie. I mean... you... you'd be taking on an awful lot. No offense, babe, but... you've never done anything that requires this kind of responsibility. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just... you understand what I'm trying to say, right?"
I did and I was trying hard not to take it too personally. I took a deep breath and tried hard not to cry, or get mad, but none of this made sense to me. This girl needed help and we were capable of helping her. Why didn't everyone see this?
"I... I... know that I'm not really a part of the family," Hilda said, "but may I offer an opinion?"
Mitch looked at her and scrunched up his face. "Hilda, you're as much a part of the family as I am."
She took a deep breath. "But I am not related by blood, Mitch, and I don't want anyone to be angry with me."
"Don't be silly, Hilda," Mom said. "Say what you'd like to say."
Hilda sat very straight in her chair, even straighter than usual, which is saying a lot. She cocked her head, looked at the ceiling and thought for a moment. "This child... she needs... a family. Look around. We are a family. It will not just be Donnie and Mitchell adopting this girl - it will be all of us and I, for one, would be very happy to share in the responsibility of this child."
Marie looked at her wife, astounded. "Hilda!? Are you serious?"
"Of course she is," Dad said, out of the blue, "and I agree with her. Donny, Mitchell, I believe you would make great parents and I will be here to help you every step of the way."
Now, mom's jaw dropped. "You think this is a good idea!?"
"No," Dad shook his head, "I think it's a wonderful opportunity for all of us to help out our fellow man. We all vote the liberal progressive ticket whenever possible, but right now, our son and daughter-in-law are in the position of walking the walk, as it were. I fully understand your concerns, dear, but let's look at the bottom line - There's a child who needs a family and a family who can take her in. There really is nothing else to consider."
Mom looked at her husband as if seeing him for the first time. Then she looked at Mitch and then at me. "Well... I do not want to be call 'Grandma,' or 'Nana' or anything like that. I'm only fifty five." She looked around at all of us and shrugged. "I'm here for you, kids. Dad is right. You need to do this."
I took her hand in mine. "Thank you, mom." I looked at my sister, then. "Rie?"
She shrugged. "Donnie... I can't just say I condone this. I'm not sure you're ready for something like this. I have concerns. Real concerns. Huge concerns."
I got up and went to Mitch's briefcase, returning with the first-day-of-school photo. I handed it to Mom.
"Oh, dear God," Mom put her hand to her lips. "The poor baby. She's beautiful." She handed the picture to my sister.
Marie looked at the picture and sniffled. "She's very beautiful, Donnie, and my heart aches for her, but... I stand by what I said."
Hilda looked over her wife's should to see the photo. "Ein schones Kind. What is the child's name?"
I put my hand on my sister's shoulder and, very quietly, I said, "Her name is Marie."
Rie turned and looked at me. "Really? You're not making that up?"
I shook my head. "That's her name, and you know that if I had a little girl... that would be her name."
She put down the photo and sat back in her seat. "Aunt Marie? Auntie Marie? Auntie Rie? I guess I can live with Auntie Rie." She quickly wiped a tear from her cheek, thinking none of us had seen a crack in her facade. "We have an extra room... if she ever needs to..." My tough, wise cracking sister couldn't hold back any longer. She leaned to me, put her head on her shoulder and cried more than I'd ever seen, which, to be honest, was not an awful lot. Then, with watery eyes, she looked at Hilda. "We can redo that extra room for a little girl, just in case, right?"
Hilda wrapped her arms around my sister and squeezed her cheek against Rie's. "Of course."
Everyone was gone by one thirty and Mitch stood by the door, rubbing the back of his neck. He turned to me and gave me a half smile. "Well?" He asked.
I didn't know how to respond. "What?"
Mitch took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "We should... or you... should probably meet Marie, don't you think?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I suppose I should." Suddenly, I felt very nervous about this whole thing. It all seemed very high minded and important until now. Now... it felt... real. "So... how will we do this? Will we set up a meeting for next week sometime or something?"
Mitch smiled and shrugged. "How about right now?"
"Now!?" I was shocked that he wanted to move so quickly. Just a few hours ago, he was opposed to doing this.
He nodded. "The sooner the better, babe. Evelyn isn't going to get any better. She may be in hospice pretty soon. Besides... I should probably let her know that we're willing to take Marie in with us."
I let out a big breath. "Ok. Let's go see them."
Mitch smiled and pulled out his phone. "I'll let Evelyn know we're coming."
It took about forty minutes to drive to Evelyn's enormous home. Mitch explained that it was built in the eighteen nineties and had been in Evelyn's husband's family ever since. We drove up the long driveway and pulled to the side of the huge front porch.
"What will happen to the house?" I asked.
Mitch looked over at me and concern showed on his face. "All of Evie's assets will go into a trust, including this house and two others that she owns - one on Mount Dessert Island in Maine and one in Galveston, Texas. The trust will have to hire a maintenance company to oversee the properties. When Marie turns eighteen, she will have limited access to the money and property held by the trust and when she turns twenty one, it will all be hers."
I grimaced. "Wow. Having that kind of money that young... that could really mess up a kid."
"Unless her adopted parents do a good job of raising her so that she has a good set of values to fall back on and a strong sense of self and community."
I nodded and looked at my lap for a moment. When I looked back at Mitch, I realized he'd been watching me. "Hey," he took my hand and smiled, "no one said it was going to be easy, but that's the job we're signing up for, ok?"
I nodded. "Ok. I was actually only thinking about how nice it would be to buy her dresses, brush her hair, read her bed time stories... things like that."
Mitch nodded. "Yup. That, too, but... there's some tough stuff to take care of."
I nodded. "Ok. Let's do this."
Mitch smiled and got out of the car, coming around to my side and helping me out. We held hands as we walked up the stairs and Mitch rang the bell. It took a few moments, but eventually a woman in her late thirties or so came to door and smiled when she saw us. "Mitch! What a surprise."
"Hi, Pam," he smiled. "This is my wife, Donnie. Donnie, this is Pam, Evelyn's assistant."
"Oh, my goodness! The legendary Donnie at long last!" She laughed as she opened the door and held it wide for us to enter. As we walked slowly into the house, she asked, "So... you're going to take care of the baby?"
Mitch nodded. "Yeah. We talked about it and... well, how could we say no?"
Pam looked at me. "She's a very good girl. Smart as a whip, which can make her... challenging, but... like I said, she's a very good girl."
I smiled. "I'm excited to meet her."
Pam stopped walking and looked at us with a smirk on her face. "Just a warning... she's a bit more challenging than usual today."
"In what way?" Mitch asked.
Pam crossed her arms and looked at me. "Imagine being an eight year old girl. Your mother and father were killed by your grandfather, who, you are very aware, is in prison for life. Your great uncle, who treated you like a princess, dies suddenly and now, the great grandmother who has been the one constant in your life is about to die. Marie used to love school and she loves doing well. Now, with Evelyn about to leave her, everything about school is suddenly more important than ever before, but it seems like her friends are pulling away right when she needs them the most. She has a project due tomorrow and she's stressed about it. She wants help, but not from me. She's being unreasonable about wanting Evelyn's help. That's how she's being challenging - by acting like an eight year old when we constantly expect her to act like a thirty year old."
"The poor baby," I muttered in sympathy.
"Oh, God, don't say that!" Pam shook her head. "Never call her a baby. She knows that Evelyn and I do and she hates it. Always treat her like she's a mature young woman. That's the only way she'll respond to you."
I nodded. "Thank you."
Pam turned and continued into the house. We followed.
When we reached a set of double doors, Mitch stopped walking and I did as well. Pam knocked, quietly, and opened the door. She leaned in and said, "Mitch and his wife are here to see you."
We heard a weak voice call back, "Oh, wonderful. Show them in."
I was surprised that Evelyn wasn't sitting in a bed with a hundred tubes coming out of her. She was small from withering, of course, and she had a frailness about her. She also had an oxygen tank that hung from her said and fed oxygen a clear tube that led to her nostrils. She, however, did not look like a woman who was about to die. She stood on her own and looked as if she'd dressed to receive us.
She smiled at us and gushed, "Oh, Mitch, she's just lovely! You're so much prettier than your pictures, dear. Come give me a hug."
I crossed the large room to the small woman and when I hugged her. That's when I realized that her clothes all fit far too loosely and that there was almost nothing but skeleton left to her. She kissed my cheek and then pulled back a bit to look at me more carefully. She smiled and seemed to think for a moment before speaking. "You'll take good care of my baby, won't you?" Her chin quivered as she finished speaking.
"I will," I whispered.
She tried to smile, but her lips refused to cooperate. "Please, never let her forget that her Grammy loved her with all her heart. Please. Please don't let her forget me."
I knew there were tears on my cheek, but I couldn't deal with them at that moment. I felt my own chin quiver. Suddenly, I was with my own mother, watching her wither away and knowing how strong she was being for us. This tiny woman was holding on as tightly as she could and just wanted to leave the world on her terms and that's not something the world is willing to allow.
I spoke as cogently as I could, but it wasn't easy. "She'll never go a day without knowing that you loved her. I promise."
I thought that Evelyn was going to burst into tears, but instead, she nodded and chocked it all back. "Thank you. Thank you." Then she looked dizzy. "Oh, I'm sorry, but I must sit. Pam... please."
Pam hustled past me and wrapped her arms around Evelyn from behind. "I'm here, Evie. I'm here."
At that moment, I realized that Evelyn had mustered every bit of strength she had in her to be standing and looking good when we entered. It was important to her the I met Evelyn, the strong woman, not Evelyn, the dying old lady.
I looked to Mitch, who gave me a sad, knowing smile and put his arm around me. "You ok?"
I nodded.
"Mitch!" A tiny voice screamed from the door. I turned to see the little girl who I recognized as Marie bolting into the room towards my husband.
"Mae Mae!" Mitch laughed as he opened his arms and lifted the child off of her feet, holding her in a manner that indicated that they were very close. "Mae Mae, I have someone I'd like you to meet. This ravishing woman is my wife..."
"Donnie!" The girl said, excited. "I've seen your picture."
I smiled. "I've seen yours, too, but you're much prettier than your picture."
"I hear you're having some trouble with your homework," Mitch said to the little girl, in a confidential voice.
Marie rolled her eyes. "It's so stupid. It's a project board about The Water Cycle and I either have to print out pictures of grass and ponds and stuff, or I have to draw pictures."
Mitch looked as if he was pondering that for a moment. "So... what's the problem? Why is that stupid?"
The girl acted as if Mitch had no sense at all. "Because - they won't let me print off the computer unless someone watches me. Grammy is sick and Pam says she's too busy."
"Ok, then draw the pictures," Mitch said, but the look on Marie's face said that he had no idea what he was talking about.
"I can't, Mitch. I can't draw at all. I stink at it."
Mitch opened his mouth and eyes in feigned surprise. "Do you know what!? My wife, here, is an artist."
"Really?" Said the little girl, impressed.
"Really," I said.
"She can draw anything!" Mitch said. "I betcha that she could help you draw pictures for your project."
She looked at me, with a smile. "Can you?"
"Sure," I said with a smile in return. "If you'll work with me, I bet we can do it together."
"Great!" She wiggled and broke free of Mitch and dropped to the floor. "Come on," she insisted as she hurried out the door.
I looked at Mitch and raised my eyebrows. "I guess I'm leaving."
As I started to walk away, I heard Mitch say, "Hey." I turned and looked at him. "Take it slow, ok?"
I smiled and nodded and followed the girl into the hallway.
In the hall, Marie took my hand, led me a few doors down and into what had obviously once been a business office, but now was office furniture covered in stuffed animals, dolls, little sweaters and crayons. On the cluttered desk, a project board was laying open with crudely cut pieces of papers with words like 'Rain' and 'Trees' scribbled angrily on them.
I looked around and asked, "Where should we start?"
Marie screwed up her mouth and said, "Hmmm. Maybe the title."
"Ok," I said, picking up a piece of construction paper and a few crayons. "What should the title be?"
She made a show of thinking, again. I liked this kid, she was quirky. "How about... 'The Amazing Water Table,'"
I chuckled at that. "Ok. How about I make the letters and you color them in? Does that sound good?"
She nodded broadly.
I sat and went to work. Marie stood very close to my left side and watched me carefully as I formed bubble letters on the yellow construction paper.
After a few moments, while still keeping her eyes on my hands, she said, "You smell nice."
I smiled. "Well, thank you."
A moment later, she said, "I like your dress. The flowers are pretty."
I raised my left arm and let her see more clearly. I was surprised when she took the opportunity to move in more closely, so that she was now standing against side and when I brought my left arm back down, I had no choice but to wrap it around her shoulders.
"Here," I said as I put the title in front of her, "now you color it in. I'll start the next one. What should it say?"
"Here," Marie reached for a list of words she'd intended to use. "I need all of these." The list had your basic, third grade list of words for the water table. 'Rain, snow, humidity, rivers, streams, ponds, etc.'
I grabbed another piece of paper and went to work as Marie began the almost painfully careful procedure of coloring in the letters in the title of the project.
"Do you like school?" I asked.
"It's good," she replied while she worked. "My teacher is nice, but I don't have many friends."
"Why's that?" I asked.
"I don't know," she muttered. "I think they feel weird around me."
"That doesn't make sense," I said. "You're very smart and I think you're very pretty. Why would the they feel weird around you?"
She shrugged. "Because of my parents and my uncle dying... and now my Grammy is dying, too. It's like I'm bad luck to be near, I guess."
I stopped and looked at her as she continued to color in the letters. "You're not bad luck, Marie. You know that, right?"
She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. They all kind of stink, anyway."
I didn't know what to say, but it didn't matter because Marie continued on her own. "Grammy says that she's going to be dead in a couple of weeks, so I probably won't go to that school for long."
"Your Grammy told you that she was dying soon?"
Another shrug. "She told me she loved me and we had to get ready because she didn't have long, but I heard her talking to Pam. This morning she said she only had a couple of weeks to go."
Her focus remained on her coloring as I petted her soft, brown hair. "Your Grammy is a very old lady, Marie. She doesn't want to leave you, but... sometimes we can't control these things."
"I know," she said, matter-of-factly. "I'm done." She showed me how well she'd colored in the letters.
"You did a beautiful job," I said, handing her a sheet with several more words drawn out on it. "Here are some more."
She went to work on them, immediately.
"Do you like to color?" I asked.
Another shrug.
"You're a very good colorer," I said.
She didn't look at me, but she smiled.
We both went about our business, drawing and coloring. Nearly an hour had gone by and the project board was nearly done, when out of the silence, Marie suddenly asked, "Am I going to come to live with you?"
It caught me completely off guard. I looked at the child for a moment before asking, "Would you like that?"
She shrugged again. "I like Mitch. He makes me laugh."
I smiled. "Yes, he can be very nice, can't he?"
I watched her work, rubbing glue stick onto neatly cut pieces of paper and sticking them to the project board. Then I asked the dumbest question I'd every asked in my life, and the weird thing was... I knew it was stupid when I asked it. "Do you like me?"
She turned and looked at me and said, "You're pretty and you smell good," good start, right, "but..."
"But what?" I asked.
"I don't know you."
Huh. That was blunt. I smiled at the child and nodded. "You're very smart, Marie. I like that." She arranged the last few pieces and rubbed them onto the project board. "Marie," I said as gently as I could, "if you come to live with Mitch and me, I promise... I will do everything I can to make you happy in our family."
She turned and looked at me. She looked me up and down, as if sizing me up. "Like said, I'd like to live with Mitch. He's nice."
I understood entirely. I mean, I liked living with Mitch, too. I nodded. "Ok. We'll both live with Mitch."
A few minutes later, we were back in Evelyn's room. The older woman was in night clothes, now, and propped up in her hospital bed. She looked to be in good spirits, though and she smiled as Marie and I approached.
"Look, Grammy," the child showed the old woman the project board. "Donnie helped me with my project."
"Oh, that's beautiful, Mae Mae!" Evelyn smiled, looked closely at the project. "You two make a very good team."
Marie beamed with pride.
"Do you like Dawn, then?" Evelyn asked.
The child looked at her great grandmother, confused. "Whose Dawn?"
"Dawn is my wife, Mae Mae," Mitch smiled.
The child looked at me. "Mitch said your name was Donnie."
I smiled. "Donnie is a nickname for Dawn. Just like Mae Mae is a nickname for Marie. You know what? My twin sister's name is Marie, too, but we call her 'Rie.' That's her nickname."
Marie nodded. "That's good. That way, we'll never get mixed up."
"That's right," I said. "We'll never get you mixed up that way."
We talked for another few minutes, but it was clear the Evelyn was struggling to stay awake, so fairly soon, Mitch stood and said that we needed to leave. "Come on, Mae Mae. Walk us to the door."
The girl took Mitch's hand and they headed for the door. I looked at Evelyn, who was watching Mitch and Marie walking away. I didn't quite know what to say. The old lady looked at me and reached for my hand, which I took.
"It's going to be ok, Donnie," she said in a voice that was much weaker than the voice I'd heard upon my arrival. "I'm ready to go and, by the time that happens, Mae will be ready, too."
I looked at her and my heat broke all over again. "Evelyn... I... I am so sorry about all of this..."
The old lady squeezed my hand tightly. "Donnie. I’ve lived a long life. Most of it was wonderful, but it’s time for me to go. Now that you and Mitch have agreed to take care of Mae... everything will be fine."
I bent and kissed her extraordinarily smooth face. I tried and I tried and I tried, but I could not think of anything to say. I just looked at the woman and felt my eyes tearing up.
"It’s ok, dear," she said. "There is nothing that needs to be said. Go ahead and say goodbye to Mae."
When I caught up with Mitch in the foyer of the house, he was sitting on a bench with Marie standing in front of him. He was holding her hands in his and speaking quietly. "We have a nice room for you and I think you and Donnie will get along well together. She’s a teacher, you know. If you really want to change schools, then we can arrange for you to go to the school where Donnie teaches. Would you like that?"
She nodded.
"It’s going to be ok, Mae Mae. Your Grammy is in a lot of pain, but she’s ready to move on," Mitch said.
Mae nodded again.
I sat next to Mitch and rubbed the girl’s shoulder. "Hi."
Mitch looked at me and said, "Guess what? Mae Mae would like to come and live with us when Evelyn goes into hospice. Isn’t that great?"
‘Great?’ That seemed like an odd thing to say. I hadn’t felt this sad since my own mother’s death. Instead of trying to ease my own pain, I smiled. "That is great, Mae. I think you’ll like it at our house."
"You will, Mae Mae," Mitch said. "Can we give you a hug goodbye?"
She nodded and looked at me. I leaned forward and gave her a gentle hug. Then she turned to Mitch and put her arms around his neck and gave him a big hug.
"Ok, Mae Mae. We’ll see you on Tuesday after school, ok? You and Donnie and I will go have some dinner and get to know each other."
"Ok," the child said and we headed for the door.
We drove a good way home without a lot of talking. I was preoccupied by the sadness of what I’d just gone through. Until we got to Evelyn’s house, it had all been a bit of a fantasy. The reality of it was a lot to take in.
"You’re not having second thought, are you?" Mitch asked.
His words kind of shocked me out of my revery. "What? Second thoughts? No. Of course not. I was just thinking about how sad the whole situation is."
Mitch nodded. "There’s no way that death isn’t going to be sad, honey, but I guess this is a bit sadder than most cases."
"Marie seems to be taking it all in stride."
He shook his head. "No she’s not. She just doesn’t comprehend it all, just yet. She might not even understand it when Evie passes on. She didn’t really seem to process things when William died. Even though Evie’s done everything she can to prepare Marie, I think we’ll need to find her a good councilor to make sure she’s coping as she gets older."
I nodded. "Ok."
We had dinner at a nice little, family run restaurant that Mitch knew about on the way home. The owners were clients of the firm, so they treated Mitch like a king. By the time we got home, it was past eight o’clock and, seeing as I’d been awake since Saturday morning, I was exhausted. So, we were in bed before nine.
I laid with my head on Mitch’s chest with his arm around me and I whispered. "We can do this, right?"
He looked at me with a smirk on his face. "It’s a little late to have second thoughts, babe. I already told Evelyn we’d do it."
"I know and I wasn’t suggesting that we back out, I was just..." I took a deep breath. "We CAN do this, right?"
I felt Mitch rub my slender arm with his big hand. "Yeah, babe. We can do this."
Monday and Tuesday at school went just wonderfully. I felt like I had a real handle on this teaching stuff. I really enjoyed being with the girls and teaching them how to express themselves through art. The smiles I’d see when I’d congratulate them on a piece of work made my heart happy. And there was always something positive to say about their work, even if there were problems with the larger work.
On Tuesday afternoon, I met with Alma and Alycia to discuss my first week at the school. We met in the Principal’s office. Alma sat behind her very well organized desk and perused the file in her hand. Alycia sat beside me and did the same. I’d worn a long, flowered, pleated skirt and cap-sleeved, white top, with two strands of hair, one from either side of my forehead, pulled back into a small hair clip. I’d taken to wearing my hair this way when going to school, just avoid constantly pushing it out of my face.
"Well..." Alma took a deep breath and thumbed through the pages. "...it seems as if your first week has gone very well. Excellent remarks from the teachers. The girls seem to like you very much. Both Alycia and I have seen examples of student work and it all looks challenging and worthwhile... all in all, Donnie, from our point of view, it looks as if we’ve made a good decision."
"Thank you," I said, feeling unusually proud of myself.
Alycia spoke up, next, "Most of the family response has been very positive, as well, although we did have one parent complain that her daughter wasn’t getting enough attention."
"What!?" I said, very concerned. "Who complained? Honestly, I haven’t ignored any students, Alma, honestly."
The principal smiled at me, but she spoke to Alycia. "Let me guess. It was Mrs Abbott complaining that poor Rebecca was being ignored by the new teacher. Am I correct?"
Alycia smiled and nodded. "Don’t worry, Donnie. Unless you’re sitting and holding Rebecca’s hand every minute of the day, Mrs Abbott is going to complain."
I relaxed a bit. "Rebecca’s got the curly, red hair, right. She seems very quiet, but she has certainly not been neglected in my classes. If anything, I’ve probably given her more attention than most of the other girls."
Alma waved my concerns away. "Some of our parents feel that their tuition payments ensure that their child will get all the attention, all the time. Mrs Abbott is the most vocal of that group. Don’t fixate on one parent – especially one who has filed multiple complaints against every teacher at this school."
"If she wasn’t complaining about you, we’d be much more concerned," Alycia tease.
"So," Alma closed her file and set it aside, "can you give me a rough idea of what you’re planning for the last quarter of the year?"
I knew that this question was coming, Alycia had warned me, so I launched into a description of projects I had planned for each of my class levels for the remainder of the year, focusing on the skills that the students would be learning from each. I spoke for about five minutes, then waited for a response.
Alma smiled and looked at Alycia who said, "I told you. She never does anything halfway."
"Indeed you did," Alma nodded. "That all sounds wonderful, Donnie. Just let us know if you need anything from us."
Alycia continued, "Supplies, paint, paper, things like that. Keep an eye on the supply cabinet and make sure that we have a week or two to get whatever you’re about to use up."
"Ok. Thank you," I nodded.
"Well, I guess that’s it," Alma looked at each of us, "unless there’s something you’d like to say..." she let that hang in the air as if no one ever had anything to say at that point.
"Actually," I said, cautiously, "there is something I’d like to ask about."
Alma looked a bit surprised, but just waited for me to continue.
I looked at Alycia, who also looked a bit surprised, then I spoke. "See... my husband and I are in a rather... unexpected circumstance, and... well... it appears that we are going to be parents quite a bit sooner than we expected."
"Oh, Lord, you’re pregnant!" Alycia perked up.
"No, no," I assured her. "It’s just that we’re taking in a little girl who has has a great deal of hardship. Her great grandmother is about to pass away and she’s asked Mitch and me to take the child in. Anyway, I was wondering if we might enroll the little girl here for the remainder of the school year."
Alma pulled a yellow legal pad out of her middle desk drawer and began taking notes. "Tell me about the girl."
I gave her a brief history of Marie’s current situation.
"You say you’re taking the child from her great grandmother, correct?" Alma asked. "Where are the child’s parents?"
I explained the sad history of Marie and her family and I was a bit surprised by the reaction it received. Alma put her pad down and looked at Alycia before she spoke.
"Tell me, Donnie, has this little girl seen a therapist or been to counseling of any kind?"
I looked from Alma to Alycia, who did not make eye contact with me. "Umm... no. Not yet, but Mitch and I have already spoken about the need for her to be in therapy with so much going on."
Alma swayed from side to side in her desk chair as she thought. "Donnie... this is a very exclusive school and one of the reasons that parents pay the... very high... fees we charge is because we guarantee that their daughters will be educated in a safe environment."
I nodded and waited for more.
"This little girl, Donnie... she has witnessed some very extreme violence and that kind of thing tends to come out at stressful times. I’m afraid that if you are asking us to take her in as a student THIS YEAR, then the answer will have to be ‘no,’ and, believe me, I regret having to say that, but we have more experience with these things than you and this is for the best, both for the school and this little girl. Let her finish out the school year where she is. With her friends."
I was astounded. She’d just said ‘no’ to what I thought would be a simple request. I looked at Alycia, for support, but she said, "It’s for the best, Donnie. We’ve had troubled girls here before. It’s best if she gets some help over the summer, then starts fresh in the fall."
I was silent, unsure of what to say. I could feel a flame rising up my spine. How could they just sit there and say ‘no’ to this child?
"So," Alma put her legal pad back in her drawer, "if there is nothing further, I think that wraps up..."
I couldn’t help it. I interrupted. "I’m sorry... I am new to this world, but this doesn’t seem right to me."
"What world is that, Donnie?" Alma asked.
"The world of rich people who just say ‘no’ to people." I said, perhaps too brusquely. "I mean, I hate to be a pain in the butt, but I’m about to become this girl’s adopted mother and if I’m not willing to advocate for her, then who will?"
"Donnie..." Alycia tried to explain something, but I held up my hand and kept going.
"No, please, let me finish. Now, I haven’t seen Marie’s grades, but this is a very bright little girl we’re talking about and Mitch and I will have no problem paying her tuition, so you’re making your decision based entirely on the basis of circumstances far beyond her control. She was an infant when her grandfather killed her parents. She has no recollection of that. And her great uncle’s death didn’t occurred in front of her. People are killed in car accidents everyday and I have never heard of their children being denied an education because their parent or guardian was killed."
"Donnie..." Alma seemed to have heard enough, but I had not said enough by a long shot.
"And now that her great grandmother is entering the last days of her life, your decision isn’t to help a child in need, but to turn your back on her? I just don’t understand that decision!"
"We are not turning our back on her," Alma insisted, "we are willing to take her as a student in the fall..."
"She doesn’t need you to take her in the fall. She needs you to take her as a student in a week or so when she moves in with us."
Alycia spoke more forcefully, "Donnie, we have policies in effect that have proved appropriate time and time again. You have no idea how frequently we are asked to add a student mid year. It’s just not possible to take in every hard luck story that comes our way."
"Hard luck story!?" I couldn’t believe that these women were reducing this family’s tragedy to a ‘hard luck story!’ "This is not just any little girl, I am talking about, Alma... Alycia. This little girl is about to become MY little girl. My daughter."
Had I just said ‘my daughter?’ My God, she was going to be MY DAUGHTER wasn’t she? I’d never considered those word before. Marie was about to become MY DAUGHTER. Not my ward. Not my foster daughter. My daughter. I was about to become her MOTHER. HER MOTHER! And these women were’t denying help to the little girl I was going to be taking care of – they were denying help to MY DAUGHTER! My job was to advocate for my daughter.
I straightened my back and looked both of them in the eye. First Alycia, then Alma. "Perhaps... if my daughter is not good enough to attend this school, then I am not good enough to teach here."
Alma rolled her eyes. "Donnie, please consider what you’re saying. You’ve only just started here. We are very happy with your work and you, obviously, enjoy teaching. Don’t just throw that all away over a disagreement."
I stood, hurt and angry. "I do love this job, Alma, and, Alycia, I am very thankful for the opportunity, but I am taking on the responsibility of raising a child who has been through Hell, and if I cannot have her near me, in this building, to help her when she needs me, then I cannot be here. I am sorry. Thank you for the job, but..." I turned and headed for the door.
"Donnie," Alycia said, her head down. "Please reconsider this. There are only eleven weeks of school left and we are willing to bring the girl on as a student in September."
I looked to Alma who remained silent, so I turned and walked out of her office and walked quickly to my classroom.
When I reached my desk, I grabbed my phone and pushed Mitch’s number. It rang two times before he answered, obviously on speaker phone.
"Hi, babe," he said, happily. "Guess who..."
I interrupted. "I just quit my job."
"What?" He was suddenly shocked. "Why?"
I spat out the explanation of their refusal to take MY DAUGHTER into their school, as I fought back the tears.
I was surprised to hear a reply come in Bev’s voice respond. "This is absurd. Do not leave that classroom!" She said emphatically.
"She’s making a call," Mitch said.
"Why didn’t you tell me she could hear me?" I asked, a bit shook.
"I tried to tell you, but you just started talking," Mitch said, apologetically.
A few moments passed and I could hear Bev in the distance, speaking in her most pompous inflection. I’d heard her use it with other woman on the retreat to get their attention.
Suddenly, over the school’s PA system, an announcement came. "Miss Dawn, if you’re still in the building, please come to the main office."
"They just called me to the office," I said to Mitch.
"You bet your skinny, little butt they did," Bev said, a bit angrily. "Make sure to say ‘thank you’ to them, dear. That’s important to them."
"Ok," I said, very confused and I walked back down the hall to the main office.
"You called me?" I asked the secretary.
She nodded, then knocked on the door to Alma’s office. "Miss Dawn is here." She turned back to me and said, "You can go in."
I walked into the office and stood behind the chair that I’d previously sat in. Alycia was still there.
Alma spoke, first. "Perhaps we were too hasty, Donnie. After discussing it, Marie may join us for the remainder of the school year. We hope that this satisfies your family’s needs and that you will remain teaching here, as well."
I nodded. "Thank you. That is very nice of you. Yes, I would like to continue teaching here."
"Alright, then," Alma looked at Alycia. "Is there anything else?"
Alycia cleared her throat. "Donnie... we’re glad that this worked out, but you will need to be responsible for this little girl’s behavior. If she starts acting out, then we will have to review this matter."
I nodded again. "Of course."
"When will Marie be joining us?" Alma asked.
"I’m not entirely sure," I replied, honestly. "Within the next two weeks, I should expect."
"Alright then," Alma made some sort of notation on her pad, "we’ll see you tomorrow and Marie when she is ready to make the move to this school."
I nodded once more and headed to the door. "Thank you, again," I said as I headed back to my classroom.
When I got there, I called Mitch, again. "Is everything all set?" Mitch asked.
"Yes," I replied, "but what happened?"
Mitch chuckled. "Bev is on the board of directors there. She laid down the law."
I sighed. "Do you think I can keep working here? I mean, Alma is my boss..."
"And Bev is her boss, so, at this point, I’d guess that your position is more secure than Alma’s. Now, why don’t you go home and get freshened up. I’ll pick you up in an hour or so, and we can pick up Marie and take her to dinner as planned, ok?"
I breathed a bit more easily. "Ok. See you then."
We picked up Little Marie and took her to a local pizza place that also had an arcade. It was kind of a little kid paradise – noisy, exciting and the pizza was actually pretty good. Marie turned out to be pretty proficient Skee-Ball player and she was accumulating quite a collection of tickets before we sat down to have some pizza.
"Wow, Marie," I said, sounding as excited as I could, "you are REALLY GOOD at Skee-Ball."
She took a bite of her pizza and smiled, then shrugged. "It’s easy."
"Maybe for you," I continued, "but it’s not for me. You’ve won a lot more tickets than I have."
Mitch sat down with a pitcher of root beer, Marie’s favorite, and he smiled at us. "Getting to know each other?"
I was about to answer, but Marie went first. "Are you going to be my mother and father?" It was a very innocent question, but it’s bluntness sure caught me by surprise.
I looked at Mitch, who smiled at the girl and said, "Mae Mae... Donnie and I would be very happy to be your mother and father, but only if that’s what you want, too."
The child looked at Mitch and then at me. "I guess that would be ok. I like you guys, so... I guess it’d be good."
"Marie..." I started to say, but she stopped me.
"Ugh! I hate being called Marie! If I’m going to live with you, I need you to start calling me Mae, or Mae Mae. Never Marie, though."
I smiled. "Ok... Mae... would you like to go to the school where I teach? It’d be a new start all around. New school, new mom, new dad... what do you think?"
She took a nibble of pizza and thought. "I guess that would be good, too. No one really likes me at my school. Maybe I could make some friends at your school."
I smiled. "I bet you could. There are a lot of nice girls at my school. You’ll like them."
Mitch reached across the table and patted Mae’s hair. "It’s going to be ok, Mae Mae. We will take care of you."
"I know," Mae said, strangely matter-of-factly.
By the time we were ready to leave, Mae had won enough tickets to get a little teddy bear, a Wishnik Troll Doll and two pencil toppers. She was very happy.
We brought her home and said our good nights, promising to come pick her up to stay with us over the weekend. Before we left, I held her. It was much more than a hug for me. I had developed feelings for this child that I never had felt before. I think it was even more important to me than it was to Mitch. I mean, he’d known Mae since she was born. From the time I met her, though, I knew that I was going to be taking care of this little girl and now... now... I had a desperate need to take care of her. It was a compulsion like nothing I’d ever felt before.
When we got home and into bed, I sat next to Mitch, still rubbing moisturizer into my arms while he sat up, watching the news. Without turning to me, Mitch said, "I think she likes you."
I smiled. "She is an amazing kid. The more I see her, the more I love her."
Mitch looked at me and smiled. "I could tell. You know... I don’t think I ever thought about becoming a father. I mean... I considered it as an abstract, but in real life... I wasn’t really ready for this. Now that’s it’s happening, though... I can’t wait."
"Me neither," I said as I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Obviously, when I thought about having kids, it was as a dad, not a mom."
He leaned his head towards me and kissed me, softly. "You’re going to be a great mom. I know it. Look at how you stood up for her today. You’re a natural."
I kissed Mitch in return and I put an arm around his neck. "I love you, Mitch. I mean that, for real. If I do become a good mother, it’ll only be because we’re such a good team." I kissed him, again and I maneuvered myself onto his lap. "How come we can’t just be a regular guy and girl? I’d love to be pregnant and give you a child."
Mitch’s smile grew into a leer. "Well, maybe we can’t get you pregnant, but there’s nothing that says that we can’t try."
He rolled me over and kissed the side of my breast. He raised himself up and began to kiss my neck with the softest, warmest kisses I’d ever felt. I shivered and I bent my neck to offer more surface to be kissed. "I love you, so much," I gasped.
"And you are all the woman I will ever need," Mitch said, in response.
To Be Continued...
Comments
"And you are all the woman I will ever need," Mitch said,
aww. so good.
"Momma Bear"
I totally get the protective rush which Donnie had at the school. I'm afraid that many years ago, before my transition, I had to do something similar to protect my Niece, who was about Mae's age at the time.
Talk about hear my roar. They could hear it in Birmingham.
There is a nice coda to this. A decade and a half later, when I transitioned, it was my niece who was my greatest cheerleader. Truly, what goes around, comes around.
Love this story so much.
Lucy xx
"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."