Inside MY panties ...

Inside my panties…
Is a Gaff just a mistake?
Fake but necessary?
Looks right but feels wrong?
Does it make ME feel more womanly?
I love panties - so do I need the look-alike feel-wrong plastic-nasty 'thing'?
Does a gaff IMPROVE what I feel?
Now there's some questions.....

I’ve been wearing undies for so long. I love them. They make me happy. But, they aren’t designed for males. The meat-and-two get in the way.

I’d asked at my local dress-shop where Maddie always made me welcome. She knew I was a male beneath my frillies but was very kind and helpful. She was sort-of the linchpin around which the local T-population revolved. She knew everybody and had so many ideas about how to help, where to shop, where NOT to shop. She was lovely – and the others in the shop were nearly as good. She said they were cousins and friends. It took me ages to realize that several of them were T as well. There was no question about ‘did they pass’ – they were girls, women actually. Top to bottom, head to toe, inside, outside. Female. Except when they deliberately weren’t.

After some time, I realized I wanted more - maybe.

Maddie pointed in the direction of a store that sold silicone things for trans girls. I don’t have a problem with that. Well I can’t can I? As you can see ‘til I grow my own I’m being assisted by some breast forms that Mum ordered off the internet to avoid me getting nasty comments. Mum says I shouldn’t have any problems eventually if I hormoned, and to look at the women in her family, cos I’ve got the same genetics. Mum and Gran and my aunties are all pretty big, and Sarah isn’t far behind them, so no doubt I’ll join them some time. I’m not sure about hormones. I’m definitely not sure about implants. Those seem to be the more ‘real’ alternatives apart from falsies - and I’d love to know how many of the girls
at school used to wear them – But surgery – I think not. Chemicals – I think not. So, I’ll stick – so to speak – with the best falsies I can buy.

But, it’s the problem with panties that I need to deal with.

It’s some of the other things I object too. I was told I needed to buy a gaff she called it. It had two jobs – first to help hide the ‘male-lump’ and second to show fake-female, er, mons. Obviously it went at the front inside leggings or whatever, else there’d not be much point wearing it, and it gave you an outline of what was referred to as a camel toe, an expression I’d never heard before.

Why would any girl, cis or trans, want to emphasise their puss like that. Apparently, there’s crotch-covers that cis girls wear to prevent being totally obvious when wearing tight pants or leggings. That I can understand, and I'd prefer to look like them because I’m a girl, not a slut.

Some of the girls have talked about tucking – I’m really not sure about that. Squeezing my balls back up inside – oooh dear. I can’t find anyone who sounds truthful about it. I’d guess, a guess, that the first time it’s quite tricky, even painful.

People who aren’t T … they talk about us as if we’re all the same.

What a load of … well, even one of us, especially one of us, shouldn’t really say that’s ‘bollux’. Or can we?

I’m just not sure about the whole gaff thing – and if I’m not sure about that then what else aren’t I sure about?

For the moment, I think… I say I think, I’ll just keep wearing panties.

Oh – and whatever else I enjoy. Might be a skirt, or a dress. I’ve tried a bra – what a struggle those straps are. And getting falsies that feel right is a bit of an effort. For me, the real delight is not the feel, or the weight, it’s that astonishing double-curve just below my eyeline.

Once you realise you’re not ALONE. Once you realize that there’s people who share aspects of your (mostly hidden) life then the whole experience widens, becomes better, becomes more likely, more real. It’s a distinct improvement on staying in hiding.

And my siblings know. You can’t keep the fact that you wear panties (and they need washing, hidden forever from people you share space with.

And the mother-unit with the built-in eyes-in-the-back-of-the-head – is it faintly possible that a fantastically nosy person like that doesn’t know?
Maybe my dad doesn’t know – or mum has kept it out of his range. Maybe. He hasn’t commented.

If I start wearing more femmy clothes more often – then I’ll be more obvious.

And … I’m getting closer and closer …

There’s all sorts of things I’ve looked at on the web – put on shopping lists – and NOT bought. The sissy-frilly-rumba pants, the same with built in willy-pocket, the cute onesie, the idea (quickly dropped) of the whole onesie-diaper-pantie – NO.

The high-heels – 2 inches is enough so far.

The fetishy stuff – butt-plug – I think not, the *!*, the **!*, the **!!!, – no I don’t think I’ll go down that route – not today – not in writing.

There’s too many sites that can take you far down twisty trails so so quickly. And you look – express astonishment – and usually go away.

There’s sites about awful stuff – voluntary amputation, arms, hands, legs … voluntary … NO … but you can find it if you look.

It was looking for a gaff that last sent me down a trail of ooh-er.

But this idea of a gaff. My punny brain keeps doubling up the gaff-gaffe mismatch.

Me – I’ll just keep wearing panties even while knowing that ‘they’ can brutally proclaim that all their perversions take place beyond the gaze of the public.

But even while writing that line – as long as I’m mildly careful – avoid stripping or dressing in public at the steam-rooms or the swimming-pool (there’s not many other places a man is likely to bare his underware.). As long as I’m careful, my privates and their panties will remain private.
So – for today – I think I will forego the experience of a gaff. Some will tell me it’s my mistake to make.