Chapters 12 - 14
Copyright © 2024 Tara Nicole Miller
All Rights Reserved. Word Count 5,000 |
Image Credit: From Adobe Stock Photos - Three women in vintage attire with braided hair, posing for a selfie. By Irina Kozel
We had to go to court to finalize my emancipation from the Greenlee family. The Collins family, plus Verity and my sister Jenna were all there when the emancipation and adoption went through. The courtroom echoed with their cheers and my sobs of gratitude and joy.
I felt lighter, freer, so many cares just gaveled away by the judge. I had but two hurdles left and that was completing my transition with hormones and surgery, and the other was going to school as my real self, as Kayla. That was kinda scary.
Verity said she could help me with the hormone deal, since I couldn’t start taking them for another year. I thought that was so ridiculous as regular girls my age, cis girls, began puberty like three years ago and were well developed already. It was so frustrating, but Verity came to my rescue. We three Mouseketeers were just chilling in the basement, where I was bemoaning my fate, when Verity spoke up. “My mom is making me take birth control pills, because I can’t be trusted apparently.” She said with a touch of vitriol. “You can have them as far as I’m concerned; I’m not in danger of having sex any time soon.” I wasn’t sure. It made me nervous to break the rules and do something without mom or my doctor knowing. But I wanted to start growing in those certain places, you know, breasts, hips, thighs, etc.
I don’t know. “For reals?” I squealed. Apparently they had both estrogen and progesterone in them and should totally do the trick. Added to the spironolactone, I should start making progress. Flout the rules if they seem stupid, that’s Verity’s motto, and it was rapidly becoming mine as well. But I can’t, can I? “Cool. Can I start now?” I asked, hopefully, and she and Candace giggled. Well, that told me.
Verity ran home and brought over six, count ‘em, six little clam shells of birth control pills! I need to find out if taking more is okay, or if it’s dangerous and what not. I gave V a hug and whispered “thanks. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
She said, “Well, I have some kind of idea,” as she hefted her size C’s and we all giggled. I popped one in my mouth and washed it down with my orange juice. I’m getting better at not drinking so much soda. Then I said, “I don’t feel anything yet,” with my hands on my hips, stomping my right foot. Another round of giggles ensued.
“I’m betting you’ll start to get sensitive in about three months,” Candace offered. Well, that’s not too bad. I had a feeling my hands and mirrors were gonna get a workout the next several months. And my chicken fillets would be in service a lot longer than I’d hoped.
We sat a few minutes, quietly looking at our phones or reading a magazine, when I said, “I have an idea.”
“Oh oh, that could be dangerous!” Verity helpfully replied.
I pouted. “Maybe. But I was thinking how I wouldn’t have any clothes if it weren’t for you guys.” I looked at Candace. So, I was thinking, what if we opened a store for trans girls to get clothes really cheap, or even free?”
“How can you make money that way?” Candace riposted in her logician’s manner.
“It wouldn’t be for profit. I wouldn’t feel right profiting on the misery of trans kids, or adults for that matter. I read that even adults are way poorer than society at large and they are so often unemployed.” I elucidated. “And a lot of trans kids are on the street. So, if I found a non-profit, we could maybe get a property cheaper, no taxes, whatever, and people would donate clothes.”
“How would you know if a person was really needy?” Candace continued her devil’s advocacy, but I had an answer, kinda.
“They would just have to show their ID and food stamps card.”
“But, isn’t that an invasion of privacy?” Candace shot back.
Dang. I guess it would be. We can’t just give clothes away to any ol’ person, though. “You’re right. And how would we even know they’re trans? Sheesh. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Now, don’t give up.” Candace said. “We can talk to my, our, parents about it, them being lawyers and all. There are a lot of sticky matters to consider, like, if you had a sign “trans kid’s welcome,” who would show up? And it would be a target for the haters out there.”
“Omigosh! You’re right. Oh, I just had another thought.” I looked at Verity and said, “Shush, don’t say it!” Giggles. “The store could be within the premises of the Gender Identity Center or whatever it’s called.”
“Oooh, that could work, but let’s wait and talk to mom and dad, ‘kay?”
“Yeah. Fine. This is totally way more complicated that I thought it would be.” I shrugged my shoulders in full retreat mode. Then I perked up. “I Could call the center right now, oh, that’s what it’s called, just ‘The Center.’ I could call them and see if they have space and are willing to have us join them in a joint venture. Well, me; I haven’t even asked you if you would want to help out.”
“Of course we would, wouldn’t we Verity?” Candace said and verity nodded vigorously with wide eyes. A woman of few words sometimes. And wide eyes; didn’t know she could even make her eyes do that.
“Cool. Thanks guys. I’ll let you know what they say. They might even know about privacy issues and all sorts of demographic stuff. I’m gonna go in there and give them a call.” I pointed to the enclosed exercise room. They just nodded and fell back on the sofa, back to their phones.
I came back fifteen minutes later with a few answers. I sat down between Candace and Verity. “Okay, so they say they have a large space available and they’re, the person I talked to is, I mean, really excited about it. They think it’s a great idea. I wouldn’t have to create a separate non-profit as we could make it under their umbrella, just part of their services. Being in The Center would also weed out cis girls from going in and taking advantage. They said we should just trust that only truly needy girls would use the service, don’t embarrass them by asking for ID and Food Stamp card and all that.” They nodded for me to go on. “And we would have all the resources of The Center to help us gather clothes. There’s apparently hundreds of people that go there. So, I think that’s pretty much it. I made an appointment to meet with their lawyer next Friday afternoon; that’s when they volunteer there apparently.”
“Wow! So you really got the ball rolling quick, didn’t you? I’m impressed. I still think we should talk to mom and dad, though.” Candace supplied and I nodded. I was looking forward to dinner tonight.
So, mom comes in around 5:30ish with bags of chicken and red beans and rice from Popeye’sTM. Omigosh, I loves their spicy chicken, white meat only of course. How C&V eat the dark meat is beyond me. It tastes like rabbit or squirrel… I’m guessing. Something gamey, anyway. So, as I moaned my way through a chicken breast that was totally PepsiTM worthy, I asked mom and dad about my idea.
Mom said, “I think that’s wonderful, honey, but do you really want your great idea to be subsumed under their aegis?” Crap, I need a dictionary. “I mean, do you want them to totally take over this clothing shop you’re proposing?”
“You know? It’s alright, because I just want the service out there and available for needy girls like me. Like me, trans, I mean, not needy, duh!” I rolled my eyes at myself. “Although I was needy just a couple months ago. I didn’t have any clothes but one pathetic outfit, a pair of laddered pantyhose, and a pair of Jenna’s old worn-out shoes.” I got an ‘awww’ for that one, and a ‘you poor thing.’ It was a sad time. But, forget about that, times are so good I’m looking to help others now!
So that was that. I would meet with The Center’s lawyer next Friday and get the ball rolling. Candace was already picking clothes out of her closet that neither she, nor I, nor Verity could or would use. There was a nice big armful there. My stuff all fit and I like it, so I can’t even donate to my own cause (ooh, I could donate all my old boy clothes to something or other). Candace said she would enlist the cheer squad to gather clothes, and those oughta be super cute, being cheerleaders and all. Maybe we can enlist the whole school, but how can I approach them without outing myself? I would really prefer to stay in stealth mode as long as possible. Niggly questions, these.
After another week of working out with the cheer squad, working out on our exercise equipment, eating well, reading, and just hanging, Friday finally came and I had the lawyer in the afternoon. I wanted a sober outfit, like a skirt suit, to wear to the meeting. I wanted to appear like a mature woman, not a silly girl.
“I have just the one. I got it for when I joined FBLA in junior high a coupla years ago. That’s ‘Future Business Leaders of America.’ I never even went to any meetings and just quit a few weeks into it. I wasn’t that much interested in business and I was pretty busy with cheer and dance and gymnastics.” Candace said.
“Wow, you were busy. I can’t imagine. Jeez, girl!” I exclaimed.
“I know! I was always tired and my grades were slipping, so mom made me quit one. I chose to quit gymnastics. I knew enough to get by in cheer without it. And I like cheer and the dance squad better anyway.” She explained. “Anyway, this suit is perfect. It’s your size and everything. I swear I’m gonna get these size fives over to you one of these days!”
“No hurry, I’m well wardrobed now!” I exuded. And I liked the suit. It was like a mauve and really light and soft. It draped really nicely. The jacket had a collar and one button and there was a pencil skirt that just reached my knee. I don’t know if it was supposed to be knee length or if I’m just that short!
I had a pair of gray pumps with a three-inch kitten heel that would go nicely with it. I didn’t think my strappy sandals would emit the proper vibes. I think my gold jewelry will go better than the silver. Yes, I think I am well suited now.
I did full makeup, but a day look so I didn’t look like a tramp or that I was trying too hard. I looked totally amazing and like I was ready to be a CEO or something, maybe Secretary of State? Anyway, The Center was about ten miles away so I called an Uber (I can’t wait for Candace to get a car - but that’s a month away). I get a $100 a week allowance, just like Candace, so I don’t feel too horrible about spending it on travel.
I stepped into The Center just before eleven. There were people of all ages milling about. Didn’t seem like there was anything organized going on at the moment. There were a couple of guys, but it was mostly girls. Half of them I couldn’t tell if they were cis or trans. The other half either passed poorly or weren’t even trying, like crossdressers or something. They looked like guys in dresses. I shuddered. Thank god I look like a girl! I felt bad for even thinking such a thing, but it’s true, isn’t it? Nobody would want to look like a guy in a dress on purpose.
I asked one girl where the admin office was and she pointed to the corner. So, I meandered over and took a peek in the open door. I gave a little knock. “Are you the lawyer?” I asked a young woman of about 30.
“Yes, ma’am.” She looked at her phone. “You must be Miss Collins?”
“Yes, but, please call me Kayla.” I told her.
“Righteo!” She enthused. She was so bubbly. “I’m Susan.”
“Um, are you, um, one of us? I don’t know if it’s proper to ask.” I stuttered, turning red.
“It’s okay with me. And yes, I actually had my surgery when I turned eighteen. I’m one of the lucky ones. Like you, I’d say.” She grinned. “I’m working here as research for my PhD thesis. But, I’ll probably stay on after. A lot of these girls need someone like me.”
I nodded and she gestured me toward the seat in front of her desk. I sat down. “So, have you been told anything about why I’m here?”
“Yes, but why don’t we go over it all again? Dot our ‘i’s and cross our ‘t’s and all that.
So I laid out my idea and she thought it was fantastic. She was also impressed that I had no need for recognition or profit. I felt good about all that. I mean, I’ve got all I’ve ever wanted right now, well, except for completion of the process, but I’m on my way! I added a caveat at the end of my presentation. “I would like it formalized that I will be the manager of the store, though. That much I would like to insist on.”
“How old are you?” She asked.
“Fifteen. Is that going to be a problem?” I asked, warily.
“Shouldn’t,” She said. “Plenty of fifteen-year-olds running things these days.”
“Really?” I gasped.
She nodded. “Yep, especially in tech. Lot’s of home-grown businesses out there and kids seem to know what is needed in the marketplace.” That’s cool! “It’s a brave new world!” She said excitedly. “So, you’re right on trend.”
I smiled, then went on, “Oh, there’s only one other thing I need, that I can think of right now.” She nodded for me to go ahead. “I’ll need a small expense account for like travel and incidentals.”
“Of course. I think I’ll make the shop a separate entity under The Center. Keep everything organized.” She said and I nodded.
“Oh, sorry, but, would it be wrong to name the store ‘Kayla’s Closet?’ I had the idea when thinking of my closet at home and how I didn’t have any clothes while I was in the so-called ‘closet.’ Is it egotistical to name it after me? I just thought the name was cute.”
“It is cute, and I see no problems whatsoever. I think that is a brand name that should resonate. You want to spell closet with a ‘K?’” She asked.
“Can I have a pen and paper? I’d like to see it in print so I can tell.” So she did, and I did. I liked it, but still wasn’t sure. Didn’t want to be too kitchy. Kayla’s Kloset. Yep, too kitchy. “Let’s go with a ‘C,’” I said with finality.
“You got it. Should have the paperwork all done by next Friday. This will be a cool chapter in my thesis, dontcha know?” She grinned. “I’ll call you when it’s done and you can look it over and sign. Okay?”
I nodded and began to stand up. “Sounds great, Susan! I’m so excited! So, see you next Friday?” She nodded and shook my hand. Oh, then she Purelled. Rude. I giggled to myself.
“Let me just show you the space before you go.” She said, gesturing me out the door. It’s just back here, gathering dust.
The floor plan of The Center is pretty wide open with a large main space. But there were offshoots, some with doors and some without. “Can we take the door off? Or does it need to be locked up separately?” I asked.
“You’ll want to be able to lock it up when there is nobody manning the shop and then at night. Trans people can be thieves as well as cis people, sad to say. Especially economically disadvantaged ones.” She frowned. I actually would have thought trans people would be different. Better. There’s my naivete showing again.
“Wow, this space is great!” I said, eying the large space. “This should be plenty of room.” It had to be close to 500 square feet. But, if we got tons of clothes… “Is there room for expansion?”
“There is, and that would be covered by anything we, you take in for capital expenditures and operational costs; I’ll have to double check how that works because I’m not really a business lawyer. I usually know just enough to get by.” She said. I should take a business course next year. All these new terms. Yikes!
“Okay, cool. Um, I’ll draw up a plan for the space this week.” I thought out loud. This should be fun!
I Ubered back home, thinking how glad I’ll be when I can get reimbursed for the travel expense. “All sorted,” I blurted when I found Candace and Verity at the lunch counter.
“Really? Cool!” Said Candace as I hung my purse on the back of the stool.
“Yeah. Any more of that?” I nodded at their lunch of leftover Chinese.
“Yeth!” Verity tried to say with a mouthful of noodles. I giggled
I Microwaved a nice sized portion and sat next to Verity. I regaled them with news about my meeting with Susan and about the space and The Center in general. “So, next Friday I go in to sign papers and the head person will be there for me to show my drawings and ideas and stuff.”
“Wow!” CV said in stereo. Years of friendship will cause that sometimes. “This is happening so fast. How do you feel about that?” Candace said, being the sensible mom again.
“I’m excited! Honestly. I’ll have August, which is usually boring and filled with worries about the upcoming school year. I’ll have August to get everything sorted out and hopefully running smoothly with volunteers and stuff. I’ll have to advertise for clothing donations and gather stuff from all you guys, the cheerleaders and stuff, then I could just go in on weekends and maybe one evening per week to keep things in order.”
“Sakes, you’re not the girl we met two months ago, are you, all timid and shy.” Candace pointed out.
I grinned, “Nope! As Susan said, it’s 'a brave new world!' I’m a much different person, now that I get to be the real me. I just feel free, you know?” I gestured excitedly. “Food!” I blurted and they laughed. So I dug into my yummy lunch.
~ John F. Kennedy
I made my sketches and wrote an outline of all my ideas. If nothing else, this project will get my mind ready for high school; at least I’m hoping. If I had more time to worry, I’d probably be a blubbering mess. The day after Labor Day will be my first in school presenting finally as myself, a girl. We still had to talk to the administration, otherwise we could be accused of something nefarious. I was wishing that we didn’t have to tell anybody, but, I guess with a bunch of young people you have to be honest to those who are charged with their safety and well-being. At least that’s what mom and dad say. Sigh.
Well, I’ve been bullied my whole life. It couldn’t get too much worse, surely, could it? Thankfully I didn’t have a lot of time to worry, what with the shop and all that.
It wasn’t that hard, making the schematic. All the skirts together, all the dresses together, shoes, etc. I needed two changing rooms, so that would take labor and materials. I bet a member of The Center could help with that. I saw a couple in dresses and heels hammering something the other day. I wouldn’t even know how to hold a hammer. Ooh, I just thought of the crossdressers and trans girls that are not as yet well endowed might appreciate some shaping garments. I guess we could buy them wholesale and sell them at maybe a dollar above cost. Ideas come fast and furious when you are being creative.
I wanted to make the shop super girly. Maybe Barbie colors, like Pepto Bismol pink and teal. Yes. And my sign will be in those colors. Then signs above each area. Jeez, we need a cash register, just one. It’s not like all of Denver will be flowing through here. But, I need to get on the girls, because we will need stock ASAP. So, I ran upstairs to talk to Candace.
“Yeah. We’re having a practice tomorrow anyway, so we can talk to them then. It’ll be like multi-level marketing; they can provide their old stuff and ask all their friends; it’s like geometric progression. We should have quite a bit by the end of the week. You might want to send bags around in the mail or on their front doorstep - that would be better cos that wouldn’t cost anything but the bags, and label them for “At-risk girls” or something, so bigots will still donate. That would be a nice slap in the face for the jerks.” Ooh, she’s as devious as Verity sometimes. I giggled at that.
OMG. I had a cool idea. Anything that is male, or inappropriate to our venture or overflow, I could start a separate store and actually make money at that one. I would sell them to the retail store for a nominal fee (who needs a business class?) Wow, the ideas are really flowing now. But what about when school starts? Would I have time for all of this? School - yikes! Don’t even think about it girlfriend.
There is a standalone property that has been vacant since COVID buried a lot of businesses; it was a Dollar Store. That would be perfect. I’ll have to check on that. And maybe I could be a lobbyist for transgender youth. Gosh, I’m becoming like a manic nut job. I need to stick to one project at a time, for Pete’s sake! I have doctors and therapists and school and exercise. I need to knock it off. Candace would be proud of me, reining myself in like that.
I took the rest of my weekly allowance and bought 1000 pink bags for $75. I then bought 1000 envelopes for $20 and began stuffing them, after I labeled them for Kayla’s Closet. That took me two days! Gosh, this was real money before we could even take any in, and we’re gonna need clothing racks and hangers and stuff. I need to ask Susan at The Center if she knows anywhere I can get used ones or going-out-of-business ones. She’s like twice my age so she should know twice as much, right? No, that math doesn’t track, but she knows way more than I do anyway.
“Earth to Kayla.” That sounded like Verity, somewhere off in the distance. I had a fork-full of lo-mein paused in front of me for gosh knows how long. I shook my head and dropped my fork and CV cracked up. “Wow, where did you go?” Verity asked, giggling.
“Sorry, I was just kitting out our new store and then opening a new one, and stocking and purchasing and…” I smiled realizing how manic I sounded. “I need to cool my jets, don’t I?” I looked at Candace. “Care to weigh in?”
Candace giggled. “No, you’re doing fine. But, you know you don’t have to do all this alone, don’t you?”
“Yeah. You’re right, but all this thinking about the store is keeping my mind off the scary stuff. I mean starting high school is terrifying enough, but, you know, I’m a new, um, person and all…” I presented myself gesturing up and down. “What’s gonna happen? Will I get slaughtered or will people not care so much.? I don’t know…”
“Wow, you do have a lot on your plate and I totally get it. Well, I kinda get it. But, you don’t have to do school on your own, either, you know? We’ve got a couple other freshman girls who are gonna be on the squad. They will have some of the same classes with you and can have your back. And of course we will, when we’re around. Ohh. Just remembered that tryouts are in a couple weeks. We gotta see if we can get you up to speed, if you want to, that is.”
“Well, I was seriously thinking about it because it’s been so fun practicing with you guys, but doing it for real?... Gosh, it just feels like a lot.” I said.
“It’s because you think you have to do everything on your own, or anything at all, for that matter. All you have to do, positively do, is go to school and get good grades. After that…” Candace left it hanging there.
“Okay, I see what you’re saying.” I mused. “So, school is like what, six hours a day? So, how long did you guys have to study each day? Last year, I mean.”
Why Verity rolled her eyes, I wasn’t sure, but Candace answered for me. “Okay, were starting with basics. Good on you. Um, well it really depends on the person, or if you study with others. V and I would study together a lot, and with reading the chapters and stuff… I’d say about two hours a day?” She looked at Verity, who nodded. “That’s the same for weekend, but there’s no school those days, so there are a lot of free hours, say 68 hours per week for everything and anything else. That’s figuring eight hours of sleep per night.”
“I nodded. Okay. That’s a lot. You got paper? I need to write this down.” I asked.
“Just use your netbook.” Candace mentioned, and it was time for me to roll my eyes.
“I don’t have one. I’ve never even had a regular computer.” I lamented.
Candace gave a start, then slapped her forehead. “Omigod, I forgot you were living on the other side of the tracks. Figuratively, I mean. Duh. I’m sorry, I didn’t think!” Candace got up, gave me a quick hug, then went over to the coffee table in the living room behind us. “Here, use mine. You can have it, actually. I want to get a new one, anyway.” She saw some sort of look on my face I guess, because then she said, “I get the new one, because I’m older, obviously.” She gave a cute roll of her eyes.
We all giggled. Despite whatever look I’d had on my face before, I was truly ever so grateful. I don’t take any of this for granted, not after my childhood. How could I? I got up crying and gave Candace a huge hug. “Thank you.” I whispered into her shoulder. And the Chromebook was pink! Fab!
She opened up the Chromebook and began to tutor me, starting with going into Docs, for our present purposes. This was so cool! I know how to use a computer and I type fast, I just never owned one. I guess I had to learn how to type fast as I was always using a computer in school or the library. Had to get the work done fast, dontcha know? I also took typing last year, so yeah. Fast. So I went into Docs and attacked the keyboard with gusto, causing CVs mouths to gape. I had a page typed up before they could even get a word out of their gaping maws. I had typed up a summary paragraph and an outline of all the things I needed to do and number of hours, etc. At least those that I could think of at the moment. I did a quick CTRL P to see if it would print somewhere and I could hear some action down the hall. Cool.
Verity piped up. “That was fucking amazing, girl! How the hell?...” She slapped me on the shoulder and I just shrugged with a little grin.
So, long story short, I can do all of it! I told Candace, then asked, “When can we get going on cheer practice?” I was so wide-eyed that she giggled and gave me a little hug.
“We’re having more because tryouts are coming up, so… well there’s one tomorrow morning. You set up an email on there and I’ll send you the schedule. Oh, you’ll need to get on Insta so we can all stay connected, you know?” She rattled on. “Oh, you’ll need to schedule in some down time, you know? Like two hours a day just to chill, read, watch a movie, hang with us, all that kinda stuff, you know?”
“Yes, mommy,” I retorted and it was her turn to give me a girly slap.
“Wanna chill now?” I asked. And we all agreed to go down to the basement/theater/whatever and hang out. We talked about everything and nothing (I got to name the basement the ER for entertainment and recreation - so that’s sorted) and it turns out that after cheer tomorrow all us girls are going to go to the mall! Finally, I get to shop as a girl. It’s hard to believe that less than two months ago I was living as a pretend boy and wearing ugly uncomfortable boy clothes; I had parents who hated me and had no friends and did nothing but read. OMG. Life is so fricking good!
To be continued...
Comments
The Big Bang
Seems like Kayla has a tremendous amount of creativity, energy and focus, all of which was being used to maintain the pretense that she was something she neither was nor wanted to be. Once she stopped pretending, all that energy and talent was freed for a thousand life-affirming projects. To paraphrase an appropriate slogan, "She is not going back!"
Emma
Typical Teen Girl
Wants to do everything at once. I do understand but she has to learn to pace herself. Prioritize, Kayla! What's the most important thing in your life?