Love @ Second Sight A Transgender Romance Short Story By Tara Nicole Miller Copyright © 2024 Tara Nicole Miller All Rights Reserved. Word Count 6,600 Image from the Public Domain

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Warning: Contains mild sexual content and language
 

Amber

This was the conversation I never wanted to have. God, I didn’t want to hurt him. But since our wedding night, the voices in my head and all my spirit animals have been getting louder and stronger and more insistent. He was still on the sofa where we were watching Dancing with the Stars (well, he was watching DWTS and managing his normal animated commentary on the dresses and shoes, hands flying, while my mind was on another planet). He had washed out the gel he used to slick back his long auburn hair and it was falling in waves over his shoulder and down his back. I shuddered. I finally got up and went to the kitchen to make us each a G&T and clear my mind and, not least of all, buy some time.

God, I’d had six months to figure out what to say, why had nothing come to me? Because I adore him. How can I tell him that I’m not altogether physically attracted to him, at least with his clothes off? He doesn’t get my motor going, as my mom used to say. When we’d met, I was somewhat attracted by his beauty. Okay, quite attracted. His beautiful, long auburn hair. His mesmerizing green eyes rimmed by gorgeous long lashes. He’s even a few inches shorter than me, and I’m only 5’7”. He should have been a girl. He’s so sweet and even feminine. His name is Madison and I totally thought he was a girl, dressed way too masculinely for her beauty. It was just a shirt and slacks, but I’m what they call a lipstick lesbian, and I prefer my partner to be the same. No, I require it. At least I do now. Yes, but I didn’t used to.

That’s because I was trying to live up to the expectations of my conservative parents. Their world is binary; black and white; not even a touch of gray that I could see. So, I saw Madison as the best of all possible worlds (my apologies to Voltaire), where I could make both myself and my parents happy. I dearly hope I considered Madison’s interests and happiness as well. I really think I did, because I knew he was smitten with me, so what could be better than giving myself to him?

Ugh! I suppose telling him the truth rather than a lie. That would have been the noble way. The proper, ethical way. But, I was a coward. He was my beard, not that he had one to speak of. God, his skin is so beautiful. And soft! Why can’t I be attracted to those less-than-feminine bits, too. The flat chest, slim hips, and that godawful dangling bit between his legs. I’m sorry, but it just grosses me out. Not that I see it very often, but I know it’s there. We’ve only had sex once since our wedding night and the aforementioned appendage was quite small, some would think it cute (I guess you could think of it as one of those cute little monsters on the Muppets or something), and it took quite an effort to get it to stand up on its own. I guess I don’t get his motor running, either. Oh my god, we’re doomed!

So I finished making the G&Ts and turned to make my way back to the sofa, where Madison was sitting with his legs tucked beneath him, still rapt with the dancing. He was swaying with the music and his hands were going and the smile on his face was just so…contented. How can I do this to him? He’s so damned happy, the lucky bitch! I giggled to myself and he turned his head. Somehow, his smile got even broader and he looked like an angel with his halo of beautiful brown and red hair swinging into his soft lips, where he had to pull it out with an oh-so-feminine gesture and tuck it behind his ear. His perfect, diamond-studded, ear. God, he’s beautiful! I was feeling a bit moist down below, but I knew that as soon as he took his clothes off I would quickly dry up. Sigh.

“Hi sweetie, I made us a coupla drinks. Hope you’re thirsty - they’re half gin!” His mouth went into an “O” because he knew this meant we were going to talk about something uncomfortable. Little did he know. Uncomfortable has become impossible. But a small smile returned to his face as he thanked me, delicately taking the glass from me and taking a little sip, looking up at me through those amazing lashes. He set his drink down on the coaster and turned toward me, scootching his perky butt just a bit to get the right angle. Then he put his elbow on the back of the couch and leaned his head against his palm.

With an earnest expression he said, “so, what’s up, girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend? I’m your wife, silly!” I giggled.

“I kno-o-ow,” he dragged out so cutely. “It’s just what I say when I’m about to dish with my girlies!”

“You are too cute!” I hopped onto the sofa in front of her and leaned in for a little peck on the lips. I could feel my pelvic region tingle and flex again as the softness…but, I digress.

Oh hell, I just realized I called Madison her. Sure, it was only in my head, but I guess I should tell you anyway…I pretend; There, I said it; I fantasize that Madison is a girl and the fact is, SHE makes it so easy. Until she takes off her clothes, that is. Even now, in her skinny jeans and silky-flowy amber-colored button-down blouse (she says she bought it for me, isn’t that sweet? Cuz my name is Amber, duh!) she’s just so damned feminine! Not that I’m complaining. I love it, I really do. In fact, I wouldn’t have her any other way, but what about the damned bedroom? Gahh!

“So, what’s up?” She prodded as I continued to stare into her eyes.

I shook my head to clear my jumbled, misty mind. “Sorry. Umm. Yeah. So, sweetie. The thing is…This is really hard to say. First of all, let me say I love you, I totally love you!” (Well, almost totally).

“Well, that’s good, considering we’re married and we share a bed and all.” She tilted her head and smiled, continuing, “but that’s not the hard part, I’m guessing.”

“Funny you should mention the bed.” I pushed on. “God, this is so messed up. I’m so sorry!” The tears were starting.

“Sweetie.” She whispered in her soft, lilting, totally sexy voice. “Nothing can be that bad. Unless you were dying.” She giggled. “Oh my god, you’re dying!” She reached in for a hug, a look of terror on her angelic face. God, nothing worse that a terror-stricken angel, is there? I was getting sick to my stomach.

As the tears continued to fall, I pushed on. “No, baby, I’m not dying, it’s, maybe worse.”

“Worse? How could…?”

I cut her off so I could get through this hell. “I’ve lied to you. I love you, Very much. But our entire relationship is built on a lie. You see, I’m gay…I’m a lesbian; a fully paid up, raging lezzie! I’m so sorry! Please don’t hate me.”

What came next was a bit unexpected. She smiled, and her body seemed to totally relax. Then she began giggling as she leaned into me just a bit, and whispered. “Of course you’re Sapphic,” she reached up and gently stroked my cheek, “because I’m a girl!” She began laughing hysterically, but managed to squeak out, “well, a woman seeing as how I’m turning 23 next week, then I’ll be an old lady, like you!” She practically fell on the floor she was laughing so hard and struggling to breathe.

Then she did. She nearly hit her head on the coffee table as she fell over limp and thumped onto the floor. She was out cold.

I don’t know how long I was out, but it didn’t matter. It gave my subconscious plenty of time to come to terms with the fact that both our biggest secrets were finally out. I’m a girl and she’s a lesbian! Or a Sapphic, whatever. How perfect is that? If I could giggle while I was passed out, I would. Then I rolled my eyes. I’m so weird, I thought to myself. Then I giggled, unconsciously, again.

I can totally imagine what Amber has been going through for the past year or three, because I’ve been going through essentially the same thing. We each had this massive secret that we were terrified of telling the other. And we got married anyway. How in the world did that happen? I had been on puberty blockers for six years already. I was going to start on estrogen as soon as I turned 16, but my parents made that all but impossible, then I met Amber.

Not that I had changed my mind or anything. I still totally wanted my girl puberty and my girl body, but I also wanted Amber in my life, and she thought I was a boy, I think. So I put my transition on hold. But it’s been getting very hard lately. I wanted so much to have a beautiful female body like Amber’s. She’s so perfect.

I started coming around and I could hear Amber frantically trying to wake me up. “Madison! Maddie, wake up! Oh my god, I killed her!”

I felt another slap on my face. “Ow! No, I’m alive, stop that!” Then I started giggling and I sat up quickly to hug her. I grabbed her face. “I need you to do something for me.” She looked at me quizzically.

Expectantly, she whispered, “anything sweetie, you name it.”

“Ask me to marry you.” I feigned nervousness. “Please?”

“What? Why? I already asked you once.” God, she could be too logical sometimes.

“No. Just…You asked a boy to marry you. I want you to ask a girl to marry you.”

She looked serious for a moment. “For your information, darling, I asked you to marry me because you were so girly. You are so girly!” Then she smiled. “But, your wish is my command my dear lady. Madison Leslie Davis, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

“Oh my god, that’s sounds so amazing! I’m gonna be a wife! I mean yes! Yes, of course I’ll marry you!” I began to cry and she leant down to kiss me. Hard. And we fell to the floor giggling with her on top of me. “So, do you like being the bottom?” She gave me a sly wink. Nobody penned a bespoke song for this moment, so Katy Perry sang I Kissed a Girl while we made out.

I gasped. “Why, whatever do you mean, Mrs. Davis?”

“I mean this, Mrs. Davis,” she said, as she fully mounted me and practically devoured me.

I tried to speak while she kissed every part of my neck and face. “I want a big wedding.” I enthused. “Every girl dreams of a big, white wedding! I want a gorgeous dress with lace, and flowers in my hair. We could have it outside. Somewhere in the mountains, maybe. Ooh, the Adirondacks, we could have it in the Adirondacks on the shores of Lake Ozonia or something, with the trees changing to gold, and…” She put her hand over my mouth. I guess I was rambling.

“Take a breath, sweetie.” She smiled.

I took a breath and giggled. “Sorry. I do tend to get carried away.”

“That’s okay.” She assured me. “And I want all that, too, but I kinda gotta wrap my mind around all this. I mean, just five minutes ago you were my ‘husband’.” She used air quotes and I giggled. “Now, I’m gonna have a wife, and that’s so wonderful, and…” She was rambling now. “Okay. My mind is wrapped.”

“In pretty paper?” I blurted.

“You’re so silly.” She gave me a peck on the lips. “I’m in. I mean, this is so awesome! Should we go to dinner to talk about it? I’m kinda hungry.”

“I would love that.” I smiled.

“Okay. Good. Let’s go.” She began to tug me up off the floor. “I think this calls for a pizza at Giuseppe’s, don’t you?”

“Sounds awesome, but I need to change first.” I looked toward the bedroom.

“What? Why? You look fine; you look adorable.” She kissed me again.

“No.” I pressed. “I look like a boy.” I spread my arms out to my sides and looked down.

“Sweetie. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you could never pass for a boy.” She looked at me bemused as I blushingly looked at my long, manicured nails with glistening clear polish.

I sat on the couch to settle myself. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” I began crying again.

“God, you’re such a girl! Okay, go get changed. Wait! We have to get you something to wear. But, you’re so much smaller than me. What... oh heck, I bet we could find something that fits you.”

The restaurant was dark and flickering with romantic candlelight. Madison was excited to be wearing girls’ clothes and I was quite excited too. We were dressed casually, because well, Giuseppe’s was casual. She had on a black leather miniskirt with a crimson or maroon or burgundy (I get the colors mixed up) silky top. I don’t know why I had kept them, because I hadn’t worn them in several many years. The sad truth is I didn’t fit in them anymore and maybe I never wanted to admit that. But they fit Madison perfectly and she looked adorable in them. Her silver and ruby earrings set off her face beautifully and I was falling in love all over again. And she’s a girl! How great is that?

But how much of a girl is she wanting to be? Just dressing up is probably not going to be enough for me. I need the bedroom to sing with lust. I need my girl to have breasts to ogle and fondle, and gorgeous labia instead of that sack of flesh that hangs between boys' thighs (shudder). Lips to penetrate with an exploratory tongue and a little clitty to flick with lingual craving.

We ordered our wine, I a merlot and she a chianti. She says she likes to be authentic to the cuisine, another thing I love about her. Her Chianti came in a little fiasco, the straw basket, with wax covering the cork. It was so cute, I was regretting my choice. We each took a sip of wine, me to gather my courage to speak. I gathered myself as if to spring. “So, Maddie, how far do you intend to go, now that you’re free to be yourself. I mean, do you expect to have surgery, hormones, what?

She didn’t need time to think as if she’d been waiting for this question her entire life. “I intend to go all the way; I have done since I was a little girl, about three years old. I was tempted a few times to delete that dangling participle myself, had the scissors out and everything. I never intended to stet the damned thing.” She’s an editor at a big women’s magazine and that was a pretty impressive editorial pun. I giggled.

“So, you intended to make clipart out of it.” I continued the punfest with a deadpan expression.

She laughed the most beautiful, musical laugh. “Something like that,” she said. “But, I don’t think it would have been very artistic, though. I mean a five-year-old with scissors can be a dangerous proposition. I hope to get the most beautiful vagina for you, and I would love for the clitty to be functional. If it’s not, I can live with that, because it’s more important to live an authentic life than an explosively sexual one. Those are my thoughts on the matter, at least.

I looked at her sadly. “I can’t imagine not feeling anything down there. It feels so wonderful. We’ll find you a surgeon that really knows what she’s doing. You’re selfless enough, we don’t need you to be sexless as well.” She just shrugged.

“It’s just not as high on my list of priorities. I just want to be a woman, your woman, and for the world to treat me as such. It’s been a nightmare pretending to be a boy.” She earnestly pointed out with sad eyes.

“Well, you’re not going to win any Academy Awards for your portrayal. You’re pretty girly, you know?” I told her.

“Am I? She said. It’s very kind of you to say so, but I really thought I was butching it up!” Her smile was back as she took another sip of her Chianti. I unconsciously mirrored her with my Merlot.

“Well, I suppose in a sense you looked quite lesbian, with your long, slicked-back hair, but not as butch as motorcycle leathers and Ms. buzz cut over there.” I nodded my head to the corner, where another pair of women were having an animated conversation, but they over steins of beer.

“Well, I never wanted to be butch. I’ve always thought of myself as a girly girl, but was afraid to show it, especially after I met you. I guess I wanted to love you more than I wanted to love myself. But I never stopped wanting… I’ve been obsessed with surgery and becoming the woman I am for twenty years. So, when you surprised me with your revelation today, I was thrilled.” I continued. “I didn’t have any immediate plans, but I recently learned of a surgeon in Thailand that is an artiste, a miracle worker. even.” I paused and Amber looked at me placidly, nodding for me to go on. “So… what do you think about a vacation to Thailand? The two of us in the exotic tropics?”

I couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm, and the enticing idea of a couple weeks in Thailand; I’ve seen several shows on it in 4K and it was dazzling! “Sounds amazing, Darling. You book it and I’m there." My boss, the DA of the Southern District will just have to manage without me for a time. I wasn’t going to miss the beginning of the next chapter in this strange love affair. “Oh, if only we hadn’t been keeping secrets from each other, we would have been so much happier.”

She smiled. “It almost seems obscene to be happier than I’ve been. I’m a very lucky girl to have found you.”

“It’s only going to get better, now let’s eat so we can get home and book a holiday!”

Today was a surreal day. Astonishingly wonderful, but surreal. I can finally become the real me, the true me, and I didn’t want to wait another minute to make it happen. Amber had built up a stash of birth control pills, since we weren’t having typical intercourse lately. So, until I get my appointment with the endocrinologist, we decided to give me a head start.

The surgeon was booked out six months in advance, but I really wanted him, so I decided to wait it out. I’ve gone this long, haven’t I? The appointment I scheduled was going to be close to my birthday, so I decided to have it done on the very day. Seemed apropos, somehow. We didn’t just sit around waiting, though, oh no. While I was taking my pills religiously, we spent a lot of time at the mall. I had only two outfits well-hidden at home, but now I had a complete wardrobe as we approached the fateful day.

So, I packed several sundresses, well-suited to the tropics, and several pairs of sandals - half of them flats, half three-inch heels. I was really getting giddy about this time. I had nightgowns for while I was in the hospital. The better to avoid binding of the sensitive area, plus I hate those weird hospital gowns that only pretend to cover your backside.

While my breasts have been growing nicely (the first tingles were a revelation and we’ve been having fun with them), I’ve decided to also get small implants to push the process along. My mom had about size C’s, so I should figure on the same, so I may end up a D in the end. We’ll see how I like them that big when we get to that point. My ‘cute little monster’ or ‘Muppet’ as Amber calls my remaining boyhood, has shrunk quite a bit in six months. I couldn’t be happier and next week I won’t have to wear a gaff anymore!

We’re going to do the beach our first day in Thailand, because I won’t be able to go in the ocean or even have a bath for some time, at least a few weeks. Then we’re gonna do the tourist bit for a few days before my surgery makes the grand tour impossible. But for now, we’re packing and tying up loose ends at work.

It’s cute how excited Madison is. She’s like a child on Christmas morning. And she’s getting every present she ever wanted! I finished helping the Assistant DA on a case we’ve been working on for a few months and my desk is now clear and ready for the holiday. Madison can work from anywhere. They just email her a manuscript and she can edit it at her leisure. I kind of envy her that. But, it is nice to go into the office, all decked out in my legal eagle finery and talk to colleagues about important matters. Madison doesn’t seem to need outside interpersonal relationships as much as I do. She says it’s due to growing up a virtual outcast, not fitting in anywhere. I guess I can see that, although it’s very difficult to imagine all that she’s been through.

What would it be like to live in the wrong body? I try to wrap my head around that and all I can do is imagine if I woke up one morning with a penis and a wide body and all hairy and whatnot. It’s creepy to think about. It’s very lucky Madison never developed that way due to the T-blockers, but to have that appendage and no breasts? That’s gotta be a trip; a very bad trip.

We’ve been having a lot of fun in the bedroom lately. Knowing that her little muppet will be gone soon sort of makes it a novelty. I treat it like a big clitty. And her breasts! They may be small right now, but she flips out when I play with them, it’s so wonderful. But, I almost feel like I am having sex with a twelve year old girl sometimes and that can be a bit disconcerting, at least until I look in her eyes and see my future wife. Those mesmerizing green eyes, the rusty-red of her dark auburn hair, her little nose. I then remember that this is a grown woman and my kitty begins to take on a warm glow.

It’s strange that I’ve always been the dominant one in the relationship. I’m driven and working hard to pass the bar as I work as a legal researcher. And, here I find myself driving us to the airport, because I always drive. I do help around the house, but as she’s always home, I guess she takes on the lion’s share and even cooks dinner for us most of the time. And she’s a great cook! I’ve had a traditional wife all this time and never thought anything of it! I know these are all stereotypes, but stereotypes usually have a strong basis in fact and reality. I adore having a wife. She makes life so wonderful and she seems very happy in her role.

Amber pulled into the long-term parking lot and I let out a big sigh. The first step in a journey I’ve been waiting to take for twenty years. We walked to the terminal and searched for Turkish Airlines. I didn’t even know there was a Turkish Airlines, but they were the quickest and the cheapest, so we’ll see how it goes. 22 hours! Oy! That’s why we’re dressed comfortably in soft leggings and tunics, wearing tennis shoes. We’re still cute and getting lots of attention from men and women alike, which I find quite nice. I feel like I finally exist.

Amber is all smiles for some reason, while my mouth seems to be in a sort of flat configuration wrought by trepidation. I’m not big on flying, or going new places, or trying new things. I usually enjoy them once I get there, but I like to fret. It’s like Forrest Gump says about chocolates, 'you never know what you’re gonna get,' so I tend to worry that I’m gonna get one with coconut or benzene or whatnot.

But I’m not worried about my upcoming surgery. That one is like Easter or Christmas or a birthday - it’s exciting! I suppose it is a birthday of a sort. A rebirth, a renaissance. I’ll be a Phoenix rising from the ashes of a broken childhood. Oh yes, I didn’t say, but I’m going to keep my name, both of them. Sure, I was named after a man; the man who created the Constitution of the United States, but Madison is most often a girl’s name these days and I’ve grown quite attached to it. And my middle name, Leslie of all things, is a family name apparently grown up out of the south a few generations ago. So, although I’ve been lucky in both body and name, the one needs a bit of a tweaking by Dr. Boonmee. So, off I go, with the love of my life at my side.

JFK is a big airport, so we flagged down a little golf-cart like thingy. The young man didn’t seem to have any qualms about driving a couple of pretty girls about. We tipped him ten dollars at the gate and waved him goodbye. My legs were bouncing as we sat there waiting for our flight. Why’d we have to get here so early? I shouldn’t have gotten a coffee, maybe chai tea would have been a better choice. Amber reached over and encircled me in her arms.

“Relax, sweetheart, we’ll be off before you know it. I told you you should have gotten a magazine.” Amber scolded me, but in a soothing way.

“I’m just excited. And I don’t need a magazine, I brought my iPad. I guess I could read some stories on ‘Big Closet.’ I haven’t been keeping up on the new stuff lately.” Already I was calming down, thinking of the warm embrace of such a wonderful trans community and the zillions of neat stories that are available. I’ve thought of writing one. I suppose most editors are frustrated writers. Maybe I’ll try it once we get back home…

We decided to board last instead of standing in the long line. Once seated, we both breathed a sigh of relief. Even though there were still 22 hours and 8,000 miles ahead of us! When Amber and I were at Columbia together, we attended a sit-in protest for several days. If we could sleep under those conditions, these comfy seats would be a walk in the park! I immediately took out a snack pack from my backpack - oooh! I could write poetry! Giggle. Anyhoo, I began snacking right away and Amber had to scold me again. I had to make them last the entire trip. I had eight different kinds, but at this rate they would be gone before Istanbul. I started singing ‘Istanbul (not Constantinople)’ by They Might Be Giants. Amber slapped me on the thigh. “You’re a goofball,” she told me with a smile.

We pulled up the armrest and snuggled together for a while. Oh yes, it would be easy to sleep this way. And we did. We woke up as we touched down at Ataturk International. We had a few hours to kill so we went to have lunch at a cafe on the Bosphorus. It was gorgeous. We could see the Hagia Sophia in the distance and it was just so romantic. But we couldn’t dawdle. We took a cab back to the airport in plenty of time. What a city!

Next stop, Bangkok! My legs started going again and Amber patted them. “Still excited I see.”

“Oh god, you have no idea.” I responded giggling.

“Oh, I have some idea, sweetheart. I’m excited too, I just don’t tend to bounce off walls.” She teased.

I had to soothe my baby, she was so wound up. We snuggled and kissed and her legs finally stopped bouncing. I had feared for the stability of the Airbus. Didn’t want a hatch door to blow or a wing to fall off or something. I giggled and she turned to give me a peck on the lips. “What’s so funny,” she asked.

“Your legs; they were going a mile a minute and I was hoping the plane wasn’t too fragile to handle the stress.” I giggled again and she joined me. Her giggling is so cute, how could anybody have ever thought she was a boy? She never talks about her parents, so I guess that was a pair that tried to ignore her femininity. I’ve met them only once, when we were freshmen. We drove up to Elmira, where Madison grew up and they seemed very nice. But that was when she was pretending to be a boy and bringing a girlfriend home must have been a great relief to them. I know there was some sort of break between them, but I never pushed the matter. They don’t matter anyway; we have each other and that’s all that counts. It was bad enough with my parents quashing my sapphic tendencies, I can’t imagine what Madison went through.

But, enough of that, we’re on the trip of a lifetime! And Bangkok was rising up out of the ocean like Poseidon, trident glinting in the setting sun. There was so much gold! Or gold paint. We were wide awake when we got there and couldn’t wait to hit the beach. After getting a cab to the outskirts we arrived at our hotel and changed into more suitable evening beachwear. As we walked along the beach, we came upon a bar or club-type thing in a large tent, like it was a pop-up carnival or something. And there was a carnival-like atmosphere as we strode up to the massive square-shaped bar. The girl was pretty. There were a lot of pretty girls here. She asked us what we’d like to drink in a husky voice and we asked what she would recommend. We wanted to try something local. Madison and her penchant for geographically accurate drinking!

We were given a Sabai Sabai, or the “Thai Welcome Drink” she said. It’s the official alcoholic drink of Thailand, using Mekhong liqueur with lime juice, syrup and basil leaves. It was really quite tasty. They had karaoke going on, mostly in English and we ended up singing a couple rowdy songs with a pair of ex-pat Brits. They were a lot of fun, even if they were a bit tipsy; maybe because they were tipsy! It seemed that most men were happy hitting on the local ‘girls’ and we weren’t too sorry about that. It allowed for a more relaxing evening. We had been pointed out several girls that were supposedly trans, so that was a trip. Madison was fascinated. One of the trans girls told Madison about a local herb with the botanical name Pueraria Mirifica. Apparently it’s used for feminization. Fascinating. Too bad we didn’t know about that a long time ago!

It didn’t matter now. We were on the final leg of Madison’s magnificent journey. Just a few more days to go.

Our days on the beach and meandering about town were so welcome. It had been years since we'd had a vacation. We both took summer classes at Columbia, so we were always busy, but not too busy to enjoy ourselves too! And fall in love. I had never been a sexual creature, but Amber grew on me until I started having physical feelings for her, too. That was a relief, because I thought we were doomed. I had always assumed, because I was a girl, that I would fall in love with a man and I suppose I would have if one would have come along. But I was a little androgynous, or lesbian-like at the time. They probably didn’t know what to make of me. But Amber gave me a chance. And it was a chance encounter that brought us together. Just another day in the huge auditorium for a history lecture. We were both freshman and I, being who I am, liked to sit in the same seat every single class. But, one day I was just a tad late and my seat was occupied. So I found myself in a seated next to a pretty girl a little further toward the front.

Yes, her name was Amber, and she kept stealing glances at me for some reason I couldn’t fathom. Maybe I have gum in my hair or an ink smudge on my face? While the professor’s TA was setting up the overhead projector, she started chatting with me. Next was coffee and then dinner, then a visit to her dorm and mine. Next thing I knew I was bringing her home to meet my parents. We just got along so well and I really didn’t know what it meant other than I wanted to spend all of my free time with her. Not a meet-cute, but certainly a chance encounter that led to where we are today.

Which is at the hospital waiting to be checked in. “Madison Davis?” My name was called in pretty good English but with a thick accent. I got up and strode to the front desk.

“Hello Miss Davis. I have some paper for you fill out.” The receptionist said and I nodded.

“Okay. Thank you.” I said, even though there must have been twenty pages! But, time always flies with Amber by my side and we chit-chatted and she helped me with some of the papers. It’s nice to have a second in your corner, isn’t it? So, anyway, within an hour I was checked in and sitting in my private room with Amber in the other chair. I wasn’t going to get in that bed yet, especially since I would be stuck in it for a week! She was reading some guidebook on Bangkok and I was reading some ‘Big Closet’ stories. They sure got me excited. The shame I’ve always felt slipped further away with each story I read. There are many thousands like me, and it’s okay! I’m okay and a worthwhile human being!

And this human being was being given a colon cleansing solution. Don’t know why, but I just went with it. Amber brought Pad Thai for my last meal as a pseudo boy, then no more food until after surgery in the morning. I wasn’t supposed to drink, either, so I was downing tea like there was no tomorrow. I hoped there would be a tomorrow. Oh, stop worrying, you goof! This guy’s supposed to be a miracle worker, so… but what about the anesthesiologist? What if he sucks? The weak link? Stop it!

“Are you okay?” Amber asked me with concern etched on her face.

“Oh, you know me, always fretting about something. I can’t wait til it’s over.

“Well, they’ll give you a sleeping pill soon and it’ll be done before you know it. Okay? Just relax. I’m here.” She cooed.

“Yes you are.” I leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. The nurse gave us a little smile as she was walking into the room.

“You ready for sleep now? I have pill.” She offered.

I nodded. “Yes.” I squeezed Amber’s hand and she squeezed back. She followed me over to the bed and tucked me in. She’s gonna make a great mom. It’s a good thing we saved some of my sperm a while back, I just hope they're good swimmers! I intend to be a great mom as well, and I’m the one who’s always home, so… That is going to be so amazing!

“Whatcha thinkin’ about so hard? Amber asked me.

“We’re gonna be great moms aren’t we?”

“Especially you!” She blurted. “You are way more maternal than me, you’re gonna be terrific. I almost can’t wait. Not looking forward to being pregnant, but…” She trailed off.

“You’re going to be beautiful.” I beamed.

She looked at me a little squinty-like. “You’re such a terrible liar!”

“What'd I say?”

She didn’t respond to that, she just shook her head slightly with a quirky smile, then gave me a big hug and a kiss goodnight. “Night sweetheart. I’ll be here first thing, before you go under, okay?”

I nodded and I was off to dreamland.

I was so relieved when Madison came out of the surgery followed by a smiling doctor. Dr. Boonmee, I presume. “Good result. She fine, very fine, yes.” He smiled and nodded at me.

“Thank you doctor. How long until she wakes up?” I asked.

“Maybe one hour, maybe two. She is being fine!” He reassured me.

Well, that’s a relief, but I won’t be happy until she wakes up. She had an IV attached to the back of her left wrist and a little box with what I was told was morphine. So, she’ll be off with Morpheus while I’m stuck in the Matrix. I giggled to myself.

An hour or so later I heard a little moan and looked up from my book. Madison’s eyes were open and she seemed to be staring at the ceiling. “Good morning, sweetheart,” I cooed, and Madison lifted her head. “Are you in pain?” I asked. She shook her head.

“I’m… water.” She tried.

“I’ll ask the nurse, sweetie. Be right back.” I promised and she nodded slightly and lay her head back down. It took me about five minutes to get her just a tiny glass of water, something about vomiting, I think. “Okay, this is all they gave me, so swish it around your mouth. She did, then fell back to sleep.

Three hours later, Madison finally stirred again and she sat straight up. “Hi baby! Happy Birthday, and welcome to the fairer sex.” I grinned at her. “How you doing? Any pain?” She moaned and shook her head, wincing.

“Don’t forget our promise, our pact. No more secrets.” I reminded her.

She lay down and grimaced. Then she pointed at the morphine box. “More Pheen,” she whispered. I tweaked the button and a moment later she was smiling. “No more secrets.” She whispered.

I whispered back, “Then I should probably let you know something.” I paused for effect. “I love you with all my heart.” She sat up on her elbows with a little effort. She shook and nodded her head all at the same time.

Then she said simply, “I love you more.” My new wife then fell back to sleep.

The End